where is homeland security

In 2012, Danish police officers arrested a sex offender and found child pornography in his computer. But catching the guy looking at the pictures is only half the battle in situations like this – they needed to find the asshole who took the photos. No doubt fighting every instinct to just set the hard drive on fire and drink the memory away, the officers examined the images and found a detail that could help catch one of the photographers: a pill bottle with a tiny, blurry name.

The Danish shared this evidence with Homeland Security’s Cyber Crimes Center, where special agents used classified technology to undo the blur on the bottle – to the point that they were able to pull off part of a surname, the name of the medication, and the first two characters of a prescription number. Detectives then used that information to find the owner of the bottle, a human-shaped mound of shit called Stephen Keating.

However, this didn’t necessarily prove Keating did anything. Maybe he lent the bottle to a friend, or the real child pornographer had stolen the pills from Keating as part of his mission to just commit every possible type of crime. Luckily, the feds had another impossibly high-tech trick up their sleeves.

One of the photos showed a man’s hand, and by putting it through special filters, they managed to get a fingerprint impression. We’ll repeat that part: they got his fingerprints off of a digital photograph. If you saw that on CSI, you’d call bullshit and switch to a more realistic crime-fighting show, like The Flash.

7 True Crimes Solved By Twists Too Ridiculous For Network TV

If FRIENDS Took Place In 2015

1. The one where Joey discovers Tinder.

2. The one where Joey finds Phoebe on Tinder and they finally stop dancing around the subject and hook up.

3. The one where Central Perk becomes a juice bar.

4. The one where everyone deletes Rachel on Facebook for uploading too many baby pictures.

5. The one where Ross’ terrible spray tan goes viral.

6. The one where Monica gets angry at a bad Yelp review.

7. The one where “Smelly Cat” becomes a YouTube sensation.

8. The one where getting a plane evacuated causes Rachel to be questioned by Homeland Security for three days.

9. The one where Ross doesn’t go to the wrong airport because he checked it on his phone.

10. The one where Chandler takes a cheeky selfie when he’s stuck in the ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre.

11. The one where Ross freaks out because Rachel accepted Mark’s friend request.

12. The one with the flashbacks inspired by someone looking at Timehop.

13. The one where everyone gets pissed off at Chandler for spending too much time telling jokes on Twitter.

14. The one where Ross accuses Chandler of stealing his jokes on Twitter.

15. The one where Joey goes on Dancing With the Stars.

16. The one where Chandler finds out about Monica’s wedding Pinterest board before they get engaged and freaks out.

17. The one where Chandler isn’t really freaked out and plans the wedding of Monica’s dreams (according to her Pinterest board).

18. The one where Phoebe’s Etsy store selling her homemade sock bunnies doesn’t really take off.

19. The one where Ben gets taken into care after Joey and Chandler leave him on the bus.

20. The one with the prom video that got put online and written about by BuzzFeed because it was kind of heartbreaking but very cute.

21. The one with the @UglyNakedGuy parody Twitter account.

22. The one where Ross and the girl from Poughkeepsie have a long-distance relationship over Skype.

23. The one with the free porn, but no one cares because there’s endless free porn online.

24. The one in London where they all get screwed over by data roaming charges.

25. The one with the Instagram of Joey and Fergie.

26. The one where no one is surprised that Brad Pitt’s character has lost loads of weight because they’ve seen it on Facebook.

27. The one where Ross orders a flat-pack sofa from Ikea so doesn’t need to pivot.

28. The one where they live tweet themselves throwing a ball around all day with the hashtag #BallThrowingThursday.

29. The one where Rachel makes the trifle correctly because the pages don’t get stuck together on an iPad.

30. The one where Joey puts his Kindle in the freezer.

31. The one where Phoebe finds Frank Jr. on a genealogy website.

32. The one where they find out that Janice has become the seventh biggest YouTube vlogger on the planet.

33. The one where Phoebe talks a toner salesman out of suicide via Gchat.

34. The one where Monica and Chandler’s engagement picture gets photoshopped.

35. The one where Ross doesn’t freak out about sending a holiday card with Mona because who the hell actually sends holiday cards in 2015?!

36. The one where Phoebe finds out about Ursula’s porn career through a basic Google search.

37. The one where someone posts Ross’ sandwich note on Imgur.

38. The one where Rachel smokes e-cigarettes.

39. The one with Ross’ wedding which no one attends because they all just watch via webcam.

40. The one where Chandler works on his personal brand.

41. The one where Joey gets a job at the Genius Bar.

42. The one where Days of Our Lives becomes available on Netflix.

43. The one with the selfie stick.

44. The one with Joey’s sex tape.

45. The one where Ross moderates the r/dinosaurs sub-Reddit.

46. The one where Ross asks Quora how to get leather trousers back on.

47. The one with the lesbian wedding that’s fully recognised under the law.

48. The one where they all move to Brooklyn.

49. The one where Monica opens an artisanal mayonnaise shop in Fort Greene.

50. The one where Chandler grows a moustache – not to impress Richard, but because it’s Movember.

51. The one where Joey finds Rachel’s copy of Fifty Shades of Grey.

52. The one where no one can stop listening to 1989.

53. The one where Janice uses Google Maps and finds that 15 Yemen Road, Yemen is not a real place.

54. The one where Rachel names her baby Daenerys.

55. The one with the evictions because they clearly couldn’t afford the rent on their salaries.

Homeland Security looks for leaker of report on airport-checkpoint failures

The inspector general for the Department of Homeland Security said Tuesday that he is investigating the leak of classified information from an undercover operation in which investigators were able to slip through airport security with weapons and phony bombs more than 95 percent of the time.

“We have started an investigation to determine where the leak was,” Inspector General John Roth told the Senate Homeland Security Committee.

The information received widespread attention in the news media and on Capitol Hill. Roth told the panel that he had briefed top officials about his findings without the information leaking to the public.

“I was as disturbed as anyone that this information got into the media,” he said.