where is homeland security

If FRIENDS Took Place In 2015

1. The one where Joey discovers Tinder.

2. The one where Joey finds Phoebe on Tinder and they finally stop dancing around the subject and hook up.

3. The one where Central Perk becomes a juice bar.

4. The one where everyone deletes Rachel on Facebook for uploading too many baby pictures.

5. The one where Ross’ terrible spray tan goes viral.

6. The one where Monica gets angry at a bad Yelp review.

7. The one where “Smelly Cat” becomes a YouTube sensation.

8. The one where getting a plane evacuated causes Rachel to be questioned by Homeland Security for three days.

9. The one where Ross doesn’t go to the wrong airport because he checked it on his phone.

10. The one where Chandler takes a cheeky selfie when he’s stuck in the ATM vestibule with Jill Goodacre.

11. The one where Ross freaks out because Rachel accepted Mark’s friend request.

12. The one with the flashbacks inspired by someone looking at Timehop.

13. The one where everyone gets pissed off at Chandler for spending too much time telling jokes on Twitter.

14. The one where Ross accuses Chandler of stealing his jokes on Twitter.

15. The one where Joey goes on Dancing With the Stars.

16. The one where Chandler finds out about Monica’s wedding Pinterest board before they get engaged and freaks out.

17. The one where Chandler isn’t really freaked out and plans the wedding of Monica’s dreams (according to her Pinterest board).

18. The one where Phoebe’s Etsy store selling her homemade sock bunnies doesn’t really take off.

19. The one where Ben gets taken into care after Joey and Chandler leave him on the bus.

20. The one with the prom video that got put online and written about by BuzzFeed because it was kind of heartbreaking but very cute.

21. The one with the @UglyNakedGuy parody Twitter account.

22. The one where Ross and the girl from Poughkeepsie have a long-distance relationship over Skype.

23. The one with the free porn, but no one cares because there’s endless free porn online.

24. The one in London where they all get screwed over by data roaming charges.

25. The one with the Instagram of Joey and Fergie.

26. The one where no one is surprised that Brad Pitt’s character has lost loads of weight because they’ve seen it on Facebook.

27. The one where Ross orders a flat-pack sofa from Ikea so doesn’t need to pivot.

28. The one where they live tweet themselves throwing a ball around all day with the hashtag #BallThrowingThursday.

29. The one where Rachel makes the trifle correctly because the pages don’t get stuck together on an iPad.

30. The one where Joey puts his Kindle in the freezer.

31. The one where Phoebe finds Frank Jr. on a genealogy website.

32. The one where they find out that Janice has become the seventh biggest YouTube vlogger on the planet.

33. The one where Phoebe talks a toner salesman out of suicide via Gchat.

34. The one where Monica and Chandler’s engagement picture gets photoshopped.

35. The one where Ross doesn’t freak out about sending a holiday card with Mona because who the hell actually sends holiday cards in 2015?!

36. The one where Phoebe finds out about Ursula’s porn career through a basic Google search.

37. The one where someone posts Ross’ sandwich note on Imgur.

38. The one where Rachel smokes e-cigarettes.

39. The one with Ross’ wedding which no one attends because they all just watch via webcam.

40. The one where Chandler works on his personal brand.

41. The one where Joey gets a job at the Genius Bar.

42. The one where Days of Our Lives becomes available on Netflix.

43. The one with the selfie stick.

44. The one with Joey’s sex tape.

45. The one where Ross moderates the r/dinosaurs sub-Reddit.

46. The one where Ross asks Quora how to get leather trousers back on.

47. The one with the lesbian wedding that’s fully recognised under the law.

48. The one where they all move to Brooklyn.

49. The one where Monica opens an artisanal mayonnaise shop in Fort Greene.

50. The one where Chandler grows a moustache – not to impress Richard, but because it’s Movember.

51. The one where Joey finds Rachel’s copy of Fifty Shades of Grey.

52. The one where no one can stop listening to 1989.

53. The one where Janice uses Google Maps and finds that 15 Yemen Road, Yemen is not a real place.

54. The one where Rachel names her baby Daenerys.

55. The one with the evictions because they clearly couldn’t afford the rent on their salaries.

reflective-world  asked:

You seem so damn informed about all the arguments sceptics have against christianity, and your response to them, but you still can't tell radicalism from a real religion (talking about suicide bombing and muslims.)

I’m going to assume this one was directed at me (@right-hand-path).

“…you still can’t tell radicalism from a real religion (talking about suicide bombing and muslims.)”

So… you are saying that Islam isn’t a real religion? Because they suicide bomb people?

Or, are you attempting to make an SJW argument that Islam IS a real religion, but people who identify as Muslim while committing suicide bombings aren’t “real” Muslims?

Either way, I’m pretty sure that falls under the category of a No True Scotsman fallacy


Meanwhile, What do Muslims think about your argument?

People-Press: 31% of Turks support suicide attacks against Westerners in Iraq.
http://people-press.org/report/206/a-year-after-iraq-war

Pew Research (2010): 15% of Indonesians believe suicide bombings are often or sometimes justified.
34% of Nigerian Muslims believe suicide bombings are often or sometimes justified.
http://pewglobal.org/2010/12/02/muslims-around-the-world-divided-on-hamas-and-hezbollah/

Populus Poll (2006): 12% of young Muslims in Britain (and 12% overall) believe that suicide attacks against civilians in Britain can be justified.  1 in 4 support suicide attacks against British troops.
http://www.danielpipes.org/blog/2005/07/more-survey-research-from-a-british-islamist

Pew Research (2007): 26% of younger Muslims in America believe suicide bombings are justified.
35% of young Muslims in Britain believe suicide bombings are justified (24% overall).
42% of young Muslims in France believe suicide bombings are justified (35% overall).
22% of young Muslims in Germany believe suicide bombings are justified.(13% overall).
29% of young Muslims in Spain believe suicide bombings are justified.(25% overall).
http://www.pewresearch.org/files/old-assets/pdf/muslim-americans.pdf#page=60

Pew Research (2011): 8% of Muslims in America believe suicide bombings are often or sometimes justified (81% never).
28% of Egyptian Muslims believe suicide bombings are often or sometimes justified (38% never).
http://www.people-press.org/2011/08/30/muslim-americans-no-signs-of-growth-in-alienation-or-support-for-extremism/

Pew Research (2007): Muslim-Americans who identify more strongly with their religion are three times more likely to feel that suicide bombings are justified
http://www.pewresearch.org/files/old-assets/pdf/muslim-americans.pdf#page=60

Populus Poll (2006): 16% of British Muslims believe suicide attacks against Israelis are justified.
37% believe Jews in Britain are a “legitimate target”.
http://www.danielpipes.org/blog/2005/07/more-survey-research-from-a-british-islamist

Pew Research (2013): 15% of Muslims in Turkey support suicide bombings (also 11% in Kosovo, 26% in Malaysia and 26% in Bangladesh).
http://www.pewforum.org/uploadedFiles/Topics/Religious_Affiliation/Muslim/worlds-muslims-religion-politics-society-full-report.pdf

Pew Research (2014): 47% of Bangladeshi Muslims says suicide bombings and violence are justified to “defend Islam”.  1 in 4 believed the same in Tanzania and Egypt.  1 in 5 Muslims in the ‘moderate’ countries of Turkey and Malaysia.
http://www.pewglobal.org/2014/07/01/concerns-about-islamic-extremism-on-the-rise-in-middle-east/

And there are a whole bunch of others I could go on quoting. 


By the way, where did you get your Bachelor of Arts in Homeland Security from? I got mine from an accredited university. 

tenaflyviper  asked:

If you're taking very small girls to an adult comedy film looking for heroes for them, there's something very wrong with you. If you're a grown woman still needing fictional characters to validate your existence--or if you need a fictional character to do something before you believe that you're capable of doing the same--there's also something very wrong with you.

1. I totally expected to get some haters for the love that I’ve been giving to the new Ghostbusters film. One look onto the asker’s blog and a quick perusal onto their likes and it’s pretty obvious that, whoever this is, they’re all aboard on the “Hate the new Ghostbusters” train. That’s cool. Clearly, it didn’t float your boat. Contrariwise, there are many a folk who enjoyed this film.

2. Note how the asker only made mention of “very small girls.” First and foremost, I leave it to the discretion of parents when taking their kids to films and for the parents to decide if a film is age-appropriate for their children. Second, I find it amusing that the asker didn’t make mention of boys. It reminds me a great deal of the vocal naysayers who went to town on the reboot Ghostbusters by saying that it was (and I quote) “ruining their childhoods.” Hm, by not making mention of taking little boys to this film, the asker infers that they are of the male persuasion and in the subset of dudes who get upset because girls and women of all ages get a movie with great female role models.

3. Girls and women of all ages need to see themselves represented in mainstream media. If you, asker, are a white male, then you will always be able to see yourself represented in mainstream media in a positive, non-sexualized light. 

Also, I find it funny that the asker was perfectly happy to mock me by suggesting that an adult woman has something inherently wrong with her, if she has one or more fictional characters as a role model or if she relates to fictional characters. Yet, if the roles had been reversed and this had been a film with an all-male cast, the asker would not be mocked for projecting themselves onto one or more of the characters. Why is it so wrong for adult women respond well to female fictional characters, particularly ones who are treated with respect by their creators? Would the asker have said that there was something wrong with me for relating to a fictional character if I was a man?

4. In general, REPRESENTATION MATTERS! Women are grossly underrepresented in the STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) fields and three of the four female protagonists are in the STEM field. POC need to see themselves portrayed in all manners of roles, not just the ones based on racial stereotypes. In Ghostbusters, two characters (a main female character (an MTA worker/historian with a working knowledge of the full history of New York who provides excellent context as to why things are happening where they are) and a supporting male character (a Homeland Security agent)) are African-American and a minor though hilarious supporting character (delivery dude) is Asian-American. Another of the main female characters is played by an openly-gay actresses (who plays her role with heavy implications that her character is queer). 5.  Anecdote time - the second time that I saw this movie, there were at least two dads who were taking their sons (neither of whom could not have been more than eight or ten) and, at the end of the film, both sons looked at their dads and proclaimed how much they liked the film and that they thought it was hilarious. In one case, the dad spent the entire time quietly explaining to his son things that the kid might not have understood. In the other case, the son told his dad that he thought that this movie was the best thing he’d ever seen. At no point did I head either of these young men complain about the movie. I’m not sure if either one had seen the 1980s Ghostbuster films prior to this, but it still speaks volumes that this will be the first Ghostbusters movie they will have seen in theater. Given their positive reactions to it, it can be inferred that they took away the notion that, yes, women of all ages can be funny and smart and heroes. 

Above you will see little girls at the Ghostbusters premier, both dressed in costume. Take a look at their faces and at Kristen Wiig’s face. Tell me that this film is truly awful. Tell me that it shouldn’t have been made. Tell me that the looks on their faces don’t make it worth it. 

Gassed

I am targeted by the local real estate gang  (israeli/iranians) who have been trying to force me to abandon my home. Over the years the gang has succeeded in selling many corrupted properties to unsuspecting victims then running the owners out of their property by employing a variety of tactics: break-ins, sexual assault, theft, gassings, destruction of property, violations of privacy, hacking, and much worse…

Their latest tactic: inundating my home with the stench of a gas that smells like a mixture of freshly brewed black tea, nail polish remover and paint thinner. I wonder what comprises the lethal poison of that gas which causes excruciating spasms that seize my back muscles. Oh, and they also send tumblr followers to my blog with names such as: deathisu… I am neither impressed, not intimidated. I am not the one living every day with fear of being found out and, likely, deported.

Where is the FBI, Homeland Security, ICE - when you need them?

NATIONAL TREASURE AU SNAPSHOT

I just watched this movie, and I figured…what the hell? Let’s Swanfire this bitch.

T-t-t-tap. T-t-t-tap. T-t-t-tap.
Neal glanced over, watching Jefferson nervously tap his fingers against the wooden armrest. T-t-t-tap. T-t-t-tap. T-t-t-tap. He exhaled slowly, trying to quell his irritation. Jeff was perfectly within his rights to be nervous: after all, this was their absolute last resort.
They were sitting in the National Archives, waiting just outside the office of one Dr. Swan. Neal wasn’t feeling very optimistic about this one, considering that they’d just spent three days having government officials laugh in their faces.
Not that he’d really expected much better: who would believe the Declaration of Independence could be stolen?
He frowned as he noticed the stack of dark purple pamphlets lying on the table between them. “’S’cuse me,” he murmured, reaching for one. The cover had gold, sweeping letters that read National Gala; and below that, boasted of the magnanimous party celebrating the gathering of respected historians and doctors. People who ridiculed his family; who thought they were all half-witted treasure hunters, frantically searching for nonexistent clues.
“Mr. Cassidy?”
Neal dropped the pamphlet from his hands, raising his eyebrows at the primly-dressed assistant. “Yes?” he said politely.
“Dr. Swan is ready for you.”
“Oh. Thank you—thanks very much.” He stood up, snapping his fingers in front of Jeff’s face. “Let’s go.”
Jeff blew out a reluctant breath and pushed himself out of his seat. “I’m telling you, man, this is a waste of time,” he muttered as he followed Neal to the door. “I’ll bet you the whole treasure, this guy is going to laugh at us, just like all the other guys.”
“Probably.”
“In fact, I bet he’ll…” Jeff trailed off as Neal nudged the door open to reveal a pretty blonde woman seated at the desk, balancing the phone between her shoulder and ear as she shuffled papers around.
“…can make an appointment for you later this month, but other than that, my hands are tied,” she was saying. She glanced up and smiled, nodding and waving them in. “Take a seat, gentleman.”
“Yes, ma’m,” Jeff muttered, elbowing Neal as they made their way to the two chairs across Dr. Swan;s desk.
Thank you,” she said, scribbling something down in a schedule. “We’ll be in touch later this week. Okay. Okay, good. We’ll see you, then.” She hung up the phone with a little sigh, and looked up with a smile. “You must be the guys who called in. I’m Dr. Emma Swan,” she said, offering her hand.
“Neal Cassidy.” He sat back in the chair, glancing around as Jefferson introduced himself. His eyes fell on a framed set of irregularly sized and engraved coin-like objects: George Washington campaign buttons. Beautiful. “You know, I really admire your collection here,” he said, gesturing toward it. “But you’re missing one. The, uh, 1789—”
“Inaugural, yes,”  Emma Swan said with a nod. “Now, my assistant said this was urgent?”
“Right.” Neal cleared his throat. “Well, I’m just going to get straight to it. Someone’s going to steal the Declaration of Independence.”
Dr. Swan’s brow twitched. She looked at him as if she wasn’t sure whether or not he was kidding, and started to reach for the phone. “I…think I better put you gentleman in touch with the F.B.I,.”
“We’ve already been to the F.B.I.,” Jeff said bluntly. “They assured us, there was no possible way anyone could steal the Declaration of Independence.”
Swan smiled, folding her hands on the desk. “They were right.”
“All due respect, but my friend and I strongly disagree,” Neal said, leaning forward confidentially. “Now, if we were given the opportunity to examine the document, we could ensure that it was in fact in no danger.”
Swan raised a skeptical eyebrow. “You want to examine the document?”
“That’s right,” he nodded.
“I see.” Swan leaned back in her chair, folding her arms as she regarded them amusedly. “And what are you hoping to find?”
Here we go. “An encryption,” Neal said vaguely.
“An encryption…?” she echoed. “You mean, like a code?”
“Yes.”
“A code of what?”
He blinked, trying not to be intimidated by her skepticism. “Of, um… cartography.”
“…A map?”
Jefferson let out a slow breath as Neal nodded. “Yes, a map.”
“A map of what?” Swan smiled, her eyes flickering between them.
“We believe that, uh…” Neal coughed into his fist. “It will lead to a place that holds items of great historical significance and…intrinsic value.”
Swan lifted her eyebrows. “You mean…a—a treasure map?”
“And that’s where we lost the F.B.I.,” Jeff muttered.
“You’re treasure hunters, aren’t you?” Swan said, narrowing her eyes. “Go around chasing fables, looking for buried pirate gold—”
“We’re more like, treasure protectors,” Neal cut in. “Because see, we’re not the only ones who believe in it. I’m telling you, someone is going to steal the Declaration to look at that map.”
Swan exhaled an exasperated little laugh, shaking her head. “Gentleman, I have personally seen the back of the Declaration, and I can assure all there is, is a notation that reads, ‘Original Declaration of—’
“‘—Independence, dated Four of July, 1776’, yes.”
“But no map.”
Neal glanced at Jefferson, who frowned and shook his head. Regardless, Neal turned back to Dr. Swan, giving her a helpless little smile. “It’s invisible.”
She opened her mouth, her tongue clicking against the back of her teeth.“Oh…
“And that’s where we lost Homeland Security,” Jeff sighed, pinching his fingers to the bridge of his nose.
“So, tell me…” Swan grinned at them. “What led you to believe there was this invisible map on the back of the Declaration?”
“We found an engraving on a two-hundred-year-old pipe,” Neal said promptly, rather resenting her very obvious skepticism.”Owned by Freemasons.”
Freemasons…” Swan nodded slowly. “Hmm. Well, may I see the pipe?”
“Uh—” Jeff exchanged an embarrassed look with Neal. “We don’t…have it.”
Swan leaned forward, looking between them with mocking suspicion. “Did Bigfoot take it?”
“Actually, you know what—” Neal smiled tensely, standing up from his seat. “We really have to be going. But hey—it was very nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you, too,” she said amusedly, lifting her eyes to watch them leave.
“I told you,” Jefferson hissed under his breath as they walked toward the door.
“Not now, Jeff.” Neal was about to follow him out, then paused at the door and looked back at Dr. Swan. “You know, that really is a beautiful collection,” he said, nodding at the campaign buttons. “It must have taken you a long time to hunt down all that history.”
Her smile softened a little. “It did,” she said quietly. “Thank you.”

————————————————

“Well,” Jefferson said, swinging his arms as they walked into large gallery filled with historical displays. “If it makes you feel better, you had me convinced.”
“It doesn’t,” Neal frowned as he strode ahead of him. Normally, when he was surrounded by so much history, by all the echoes of the centuries before him, he felt overwhelmed: there was a reverence for the past the was embedded so deeply into his soul, into his blood, he could hardly catch his breath. Hands stretched out from the men and women who had shaped their world through fearless actions and words, reaching through the documents pressed between thick panes of glass in this room.
But there was only one he was interested in right now. Neal stopped in front of the Declaration, running his eyes over the beautiful calligraphy that spoke of even more beautiful ideal.
“You know…” Jeff wandered behind him, folding his arms over his chest as he considered the Declaration. “We could just put everyone on red alert. Plaster it all over the Internet, make pamphlets…It’s not like we have our reputations to worry about.”
“I doubt that’s going to scare off Killian,” Neal said distractedly, too immersed in the words before him to really pay attention. He shook his head, sighing. “I can’t believe this. One-hundred-eighty years of searching, and here I am…three feet away.”
“Word,” Jeff nodded.
Neal looked longingly through the glass. So close…He wanted to reach through and touch it; stroke his fingers along the parchment; feel the ink that had penned such moment of history. “Listen to this: ’But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty to throw off such government and provide new guard for their future security’.” He shook his head slightly, sighing. “People don’t really talk like that.”
“Beautiful,” Jeff said vacantly, his eyes glazing over as he stared at the Declaration. “I have no idea what you just said, but it sounded good.”
“It means, if there’s something going on that’s wrong, those who have the ability to take action,  have the responsibility to take action.” Neal looked at the Declaration, absorbing the words. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism…Killian had no interest in protecting history. His love for glory and riches was what inspired him, not the wonder of ancient relics finding a way to break through the barrier of time and touch the world. …it is their right, it is their duty to throw off such government and provide new guard for their future security. He had to stop him. He couldn’t let Killian get his hands on the Declaration, no matter what he had to do to protect it.
Neal looked at the Declaration for another moment, exhaling as he made up his mind. “I’m going to steal it,” he said quietly.
“Yeah…Wait, what?”
“I’m going to steal the Declaration of Independence.”

a note on my abrupt absence

Hi, friends.

As many of you are aware, I’ve been absent from fandom for about a year now, both writing and analysis work. I do still receive and read all of your comments and am grateful for every single one.

Because I left both Cops & Robbers and The Light in Autumn at midpoints in the narrative, I’d like to offer some explanation for my absence and share the plan for the future.

Three major factors have changed the amount of time I’ve been able to devote to writing: graduate school, activism, and love.

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5

Problem Glyph buttons are now available on my store.

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One set of Problem Glyphs buttons includes six buttons. When you order, please specify all black buttons (with the glyph printed in white), all white buttons (with the glyph printed in black), or mixed (some of each). Product photos show examples of finished buttons, but you will receive exactly the glyphs you order.

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Set contents are listed below:

Set 1: Blood Humour

  • [ADVANCING IN FELLOWSHIP WITH DESTRUCTION]
  • [CARRION NOURISHES ME]
  • [I OBSERVE / I CONDEMN / I WREAK]
  • [FIRST AGAINST THE WALL]
  • [WINTER KING]
  • [ANTLER VELVET]


Set 2: Brine Humour

  • [STRENGTH FROM STRANGE HOMELANDS]
  • [I ALIGHT WHERE I PLEASE]
  • [YOUR SHELL GROWS WITH YOU]
  • [SECURE IN SELF]
  • [MERCY]
  • [TOADSTONE]

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Homeland Security looks for leaker of report on airport-checkpoint failures

The inspector general for the Department of Homeland Security said Tuesday that he is investigating the leak of classified information from an undercover operation in which investigators were able to slip through airport security with weapons and phony bombs more than 95 percent of the time.

“We have started an investigation to determine where the leak was,” Inspector General John Roth told the Senate Homeland Security Committee.

The information received widespread attention in the news media and on Capitol Hill. Roth told the panel that he had briefed top officials about his findings without the information leaking to the public.

“I was as disturbed as anyone that this information got into the media,” he said.

TITLE:   Second Chances

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT:  Chapter 10

AUTHOR:  Rainefyre

ORIGINAL IMAGINE:  http://imagine-loki.tumblr.com/post/79677439132/imagine-loki-being-sentenced-to-spend-some-time-on

RATING: T

          “Agent,” Loki snapped at me, “will you put that thing away before one of us gets hurt?”

          I opened my eyes to find Loki once again staring down the muzzle of my 9mm.  “You have got to stop touching me in my sleep,” I tell him with a sigh as I place it back under my pillow.

          “I wouldn’t have to if you weren’t so trigger happy.”

          “Ughh, whatever.  What do you want?”

          “Tony has called a meeting in 10 minutes,” he said as he turned around and left.

          I clawed my way out of bed and threw on a pair of black yoga pants and a black crop tank, pulling my hair up as I walked out of the bedroom.

          I didn’t really think about the change in Loki’s attitude toward me until I walked past him on the way to the kitchen.  He was sitting in his chair, the laptop Tony had given him on his lap.  As I passed, he slammed the screen down so I couldn’t see.

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