where i ramble about my feelings

anonymous asked:

Is it okay that I've used your essays on Loki/his emotional needs/general mental health to help me explain to people how I got where I am? A lot of the things you say about him resonate very strongly with me and my experiences with my family. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't out of line.

it is absolutely okay. hey, if my rambling about fictional characters is useful to someone in explaining anything about their life to other people (or to themselves) - I feel pretty good about that. 

also #same there, so you know

like I’ve talked before about how there’s a reason I personally fixate on disaffected younger sibling characters with emotional issues so you know

Life has gotten hectic, so responses to most threads are going to be relegated to the weekend for the next little bit of time. Sorry for the slow pace! Writing prose takes more energy than I am fully willing to invest right now, so this week has just been drawing and meta.

With that said, people should feel free to send world building questions, if you have any? inkstainedmapmaker (and the Hanhai stuff from my sideblogs, haha!) is where I’ve been trying to collect most of my stuff as of late, but I’m fully willing to ramble about any topics in general - I have just recently realised I forget a lot of the worldbuilding I’ve done is lost in various threads, and not compiled in proper posts, oops.

my least favorite thing is where I don’t intentionally procrastinate and instead just suddenly find out that I totally didn’t do the thing and it is now too late

I hate that thing

  • who was the biggest star in the quidditch WORLD
  • and still went back to school because education is important
  • and goes to hogwarts and throws his name in to do some crazy fucked up tasks
  • even though he already HAS fame and fortune but just because he wants to prove he can do it
  • because he’s probably spent his whole life proving he can do things
    • because he’s an athlete and he’s quiet and he’s big and people probably just assume he isn’t very smart
    • but he is probably one of the hardest working people you’ll ever meet
  • and then he can have literally any girl (and probably some of the guys) that he wants when he gets to hogwarts
  • and he goes to the library - because as much as he is here for the triwizard tournament he also is not sacrificing the education that he is already sacrificing to get
  • and he sees this strange girl with large hair buried in a book
  • so he sits down
  • and he sits there and studies at her table and watches her study
  • and he can’t say her name right no matter how hard she tries but that’s okay because he keeps trying
  • because she’s patient with him and understanding that he is working across language barriers
  • and probably she helps him out when he finds books that are important but difficult to translate
  • and knowing hermione she probably starts learning bulgarian in her free time so he can have someone from hogwarts to talk to
  • and then he asks this strange brilliant bookish girl to the ball
  • because even though he could have everyone he values intelligence so highly but he also values hard work, and hermione has both coming out of her ears
  • and she turns up at the ball and shocks everyone with how beautiful she is
  • but viktor isn’t shocked, because he’s spent weeks in the library bent over books watching her pull her hair and bite her lip and he knows that she is beautiful
  • even without the dress
  • and when they realize that they aren’t going to work out as a couple (for a hundred different reasons)
  • viktor gives her his address and tells her to write
  • because as much as he has loved getting to date this strange bookish girl
  • he has loved getting to be her friend even more
  • and if you don’t think they were pen pals for the rest of their goddamn lives you have another thing coming
Where did all those feelings go? People spend their whole lives looking for love. Poems and songs and entire novels are written about it. But how can you trust something that can end as suddenly as it begins?
—  Nicola Yoon, The Sun is Also a Star

anonymous asked:

Hey Kayla! i just wanted to say that i love your content so much (i literally wait everyday for it bc its the highlight of my day). Also, you really give me a lot of hope because of your stories in your builds. Recently my best friend just straight up dropped me (and i'm a freshman yikes) and your story about that and seeing where you are now makes me feel like everything is gonna be fine. sorry this message was kinda rambly, but basically you're the best and i hope you're having a good day

Quick reminder that I got dropped by all of my friends in 6th grade and freshman year and it sucked a whole lot, but things definitely did get better.

I’m really sorry that happened to you. Just know that if that person was willing to drop you that easily it’s probably a good thing that they don’t have to be in your life anymore. You’re way better off without them. I know it probably hurts right now, but you’ll be okay. I promise. And maybe now you can call him/her/it Susan and rant about him/her/it on YouTube. People love that.

I am in that unbearably awkward place where I binge watched the entirety of Trollhunters season one on Netflix overnight, and there is not yet any form of fandom for me to feed off of because few people have actually watched the whole thing.

And I need to ramble about my changeling feelings. Send help. Or a swift blow to the head.

anonymous asked:

i'm so glad that isak opened up to eva. i think that the things he talked about - the part about being fake, staying at home watching tv show as life passes you by - i think that it's something that eva also went through. maybe it was kind of a parallel. in s1 jonas kinda accused her of being fake and we've seen her watching dr phil and just chilling on her own. but then she turned things around, started discovering herself and just being real. what do you think about this?

Yes!! I’m also so happy that Isak opened up to Eva. It was such a beautiful and much needed scene between them. It really showed how much they’ve grown!

You can definitely make an argument that the parallel is ‘don’t stay at home and wasting your life away’.. it is what Isak started out talking about… but for me it was more about reading what was being said between the lines and what was implied at the end…

I mean if you focus on the first part, the parallel really it only extends to Eva in the first episode… where she is stuck at home lonely and miserable..

But we find out that her initial “procrastination” and “inactivity” is really about her insecurity, something that Jonas confronts her about in 1.08.

Of course it’s not really about her being fake, or doing things to be cool, but that their relationship has made her feel insecure and desperate. She feels like she sacrificed and lost herself to be with Jonas…

And really I think this is the interesting parallel being made in Isak and Eva’s conversation at the end of S3. Bc at the end of S1 Eva regained her self-worth and realized that she couldn’t compromise HERSELF (for the relationship).

Whereas what Isak learned during S3 was basically the same thing, that “[others] opinions mean more than my own, and that’s not how it should be”…. and Isak’s happy he met Even bc he learned this in large part bc of it!

Eva and Jonas relationship fell apart due to it being unhealthy; Eva feeling suffocated and like Jonas opinions were more important than her own, so she became miserable because of it…

In Isak’s case it wasn’t a relationship that was suffocating him, it was his fear of the opinions of the people around him that ultimately made him miserable.

Basically what I took from their final conversation was how Isak was saying that he was tired of faking it for society, hiding at home, alone and miserable, avoiding living because he’d spent all his time worrying about how other people perceived him.

But he’s done hiding himself away wasting precious time….

Isak wants to be genuine, honest and live his life to the fullest NOW. ❤️

eye for danger

Request: a long imagine where i am in slytherin (and my parents are death eaters but no one knows that) and also draco has feelings for me and stuff like that.


Draco Malfoy x reader
Harry Potter
A/N: This is so new to me as I normally write Teen Wolf, Flash, Glee or Criminal Minds, sorry that its short. 

I straighten my green tie as I see my long time crush Draco Malfoy walking towards me. He’s with his friends laughing and joking and I smile at the sight, completely ignoring my friends rambling about Harry Potter. I roll my eyes when I hear his name. All the girls swoon for him but my heart is set on Draco Malfoy. 

Unbeknownst to him, I knew him long before we started at Hogwarts. Our parents have worked together for years, they’re death eaters. I don’t agree with it all, but I guess I’m drawn to the bad boy side of Draco that is following in his father’s footsteps. I always had the eye for it, running into potential danger was sort of my thing. 

I take a deep breath when we make eye contact and he immediately leaves his friends to approach me. My breathing starts to get uneven and I gulp and look at my friend panicked, she smirks and swivels around leaving. I glare at the back of her head and turn back to Draco almost running into him as he is standing so close.

“Hey, sorry about that, can we talk?” he asks slightly nervous. I nod, not trusting my voice. We take a short stroll and end up on a bench isolated from any prying eyes or ears. 

“what did you want?” I ask softly trying not to sound rude. He lets out a shaky giggle. 
“Sorry, its just I never really do this. I’m not usually nervous around girls. Goyle heard you talking to Stacey saying you had feelings for me and I just wanted to know if it was true?” He stutters. I blush furiously and he grins at my response. 
“noo? why would I like you, I mean you’re not awful I just, we’re friends. Just friends that’s all we’ll ever be.” I sigh but in a blink of an eye his lips are pressed against mine, his hand cupping my cheek and his other hand gripping my waist. I close my eyes and sink into the kiss. Suddenly we’re are thrown away from each other and are sitting opposite ends of the bench. 

“abstinence is the key” Mcgonagall tuts as she strides away. We both look at eachother and start laughing. He slides back over to me gripping my face in his hands.
“are you sure you don’t like me?” he teases.
“positive” I wink leaning in again.  

The thing about me is you have to catch me while I care
Take 100% advantage of the time where I’m fully committed
I don’t know how to be someone that stays involved if it’s not reciprocated at the same time
My mind wanders , my heart loses interest …
And by the time you realize it’s already too late
So the choice is yours but there’s not much time to spare
You can either miss me when I’m gone
Or make sure to catch me when I’m there
—  Rafelina Michelle
Really? (Sunrise Part 2) (Daveed X Reader)

WC: 1378

Warnings: Jealous/angry Daveed, alcohol mentioned once

“Lin. I’ve had a mind blank. Where’s Daveed’s dressing room?” I asked Lin, frantic and out of breath. “Two doors down from yours. What’s up?” Lin asked, his eyebrows furrowed at my attitude. “Chris told me how Daveed feels about me, and about how insanely jealous he got during the Ham4Ham. Jealous enough to bolt.” I rambled, hoping Lin understood some of the words I vomited out. Lin’s eyes widened and he nodded, kissing my temple briefly. “Go get him. I know Daveed, and he won’t take this very well.” Lin said and I nodded, rushing off to the hallway that housed the dressing rooms. I scanned my eyes along the doors and found the one that read Daveed Diggs. I took in a deep breath, incredibly nervous about how this would turn out. I knocked tentatively on the door, letting out a shaky breath. “Who is it?” Daveed called, and I winced at the harsh tone of his voice. “I-it’s Y/N. Can I come in?” I said, hoping my voice was loud enough for him to hear. I heard a grunt and a series of footsteps, then suddenly the door flew open, revealing a less than please Daveed. “Come in.” He said, his voice low. I smiled half heartedly at him and made my way in, standing awkwardly in the centre of the room. “You can sit down, you know?” Daveed said, mild amusement in his voice. I let out a nervous laugh and took a seat on his couch, flicking my eyes to his fan-made Jefferson cushion. “So what the hell was that?” Daveed asked harshly, his tone shocking me. “What was what?” I asked despite knowing full well what he was referring to. Daveed chuckled darkly and ran a hand through his hair. “You know very well what I’m talking about Y/L/N.” He said, his dark eyes stormy with rage. “Oh, you mean me performing a song with a married friend, in character?” I said, starting to get annoyed. “Marriage isn’t a binding contract. You only have to listen to the second act of this show to realise that.” Daveed said and I took in a deep breath, standing up from the couch. “Daveed Diggs, stop acting like such a goddamn child. Chris is a dedicated and loyal husband with two children he loves, so just shut up and stop accusing me of having an affair. God.” I shouted, moving my hands about animatedly. Daveed stared at me with an expression of shock and surprise, and his mouth hung open slightly. The look on his face wasn’t enough to stop my rant, so I continued speaking, bubbling with anger. “Yes, I may have kissed Chris, but it was in character in a play. He was married at the time, so there was, and still is, nothing between us. I think you were just so incredibly jealous that you decided to take it out on me.” I spat, feeling the anger recede. I took in a staggered breath, looking at the ground to avoid Daveed’s gaze. “Y/N.” Daveed breathed out softly, and I lifted my eyes to look at him. “What?” I said, not angry but there was still a fraction of hostility in my voice. “You’re right.” Daveed said quietly and my eyes widened slightly at his statement. “About what?” I said cockily and Daveed shot me a look of annoyance. “All of it. I really like you Y/N, a lot. God I sound like a middle schooler, but it’s true. I’ve had feelings for you since you signed on as Jazzy’s understudy, and dear God I had to restrain myself during Say No To This last night.” Daveed said and I chuckled, a half smiled appearing on my face. “But for some reason this just felt, different, I don’t know. Call it chemistry or whatever, but there was something different in the Ham4Ham, and I snapped. I’m sorry Y/N.” He said, his eyes full of a sincerity I hadn’t seen before. I walked up to him and smiled at him gently, placing a hand on his cheek. His breath hitched slightly and he let out a shaky laugh. “Although you may have been a royal douche back there.” As I said this Daveed cringed. “But that doesn’t change how I feel about you. Daveed, don’t think your feelings are one sided because they most certainly are not.” I said softly, gazing into his eyes. His smile widened and his eyes lit up with excitement. “Really?” He breathed out and I nodded, laughing as I did. “Really.” I replied and he let out a shaky breath. “Y/N, can I kiss you?” Daveed asked tentatively, and I nodded excitedly. “You dork, of course you can.” I replied and I moved my free hand to cup his other cheek. I tugged his face gently in my direction and he pressed his lips to mine. The contact sent sparks running through my body, and Daveed wrapped his arms around my waist. I moved my hands from his cheeks and ran them through his hair, tugging gently on his curls. Daveed pulled me closer to him and I revelled in the feeling of being close to him. I pulled away reluctantly and let out a short laugh at the look of bliss on Daveed’s face. “Damn.” He muttered and I laughed loudly, shaking my head slightly. “You weren’t too shabby yourself, Diggs.” I said and Daveed chuckled, pulling me into a hug. “Y/N, can I take you out to dinner sometime?” Daveed asked, playing with my hair. I laughed lightly and pressed a kiss to his temple. “You could offer to take me drinking in a 7/11 parking lot and I’d say yes.” I said and Daveed laughed heartily. “So I take it that’s a yes?” Daveed said and I nodded. “Yes you dummy.” I replied and Daveed let go of me, kissing my forehead. “Ok. After tonight’s show let’s go out for dinner. You can choose the place.” Daveed said and I nodded, a bright smile on my face. “Ive gotta get changed Y/N.” Daveed said and I shot him a smirk. “Well, I could always stay to see that.” I said and Daveed playfully punched my shoulder, his cheeks a dusty pink. “You have to get changed too, so get out.” He said teasingly and I let out an exaggerated sigh. “Ok. See you round.” I said and I gave him a mock salute before leaving. I let out a sigh of relief and as I turned to walk to my dressing room I almost ran into Chris. “How’d it go with Daveed?” Chris asked and my face lit up. “Does the fact that I have a date with him tonight answer your question?” I said and Chris laughed giddily, bringing me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around him and he pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Congratulations. You two will be absolutely adorable, I have no doubts about it.” He said and I blushed, rocking on my heels. “Thanks Chris. I’ve gotta go, but I’ll see you onstage.” I said and Chris nodded, waving as I walked away. I entered my dressing room and I saw Pippa and Renée already in costume. “Where have you been Y/N?” Renée asked, as if she was a concerned mother. “I was with Daveed. We may or may not have a date tonight.” I said and the girls cheered, bringing me into a group hug. “Congrats Y/N. Please refrain from constant PDA though.” Pippa said and I playfully smacked her shoulder. “Easy Soo.” I said, and we all laughed as I made my way over to the rack that held my costume. “Once you become Peggy then we can discuss your dating life, so hurry up.” Renée said and I stuck my tongue out at her, taking my corset off its hanger. I hastily put on the different parts of my costume (with occasional help from the girls) and then sat down on the couch. The girls fired questions at me and I answered them with enthusiasm, still full of energy and excitement. “"You look absolutely in love. Daveed is a lucky guy.” Pippa said, bringing me into a brief hug. “I know Pip, I know.”

things the signs have probably heard at least once

Aries: “it’s ok she just got your order wrong you dont have to beat her to a pulp no no nononononono-” “honestly you work so hard where do you get all this energy how are you not dead” “ooooooooooo ok let me guess………… it’s a penis joke”

Taurus: “i hate to break it to you but you’ve been in that spot for a solid half hour are you gonna move or” “you’re literally the only one who’s able to call me on my bullshit when you catch it. no i’m serious, THANK YOU” “…………………can i feel ur sweater”

Gemini: “ewwwwww you’re a gemini?” “i can’t believe you let me ramble about toast for the past two hours without telling me to shut up” “idk you go from social butterfly/flirt of the century to antisocial troll under the bridge in .000002 seconds, u ok?”

Cancer: “……….THAT’S why you’re upset?” “are you kidding me, you do so much for everyone you love, anyone who says otherwise is lying to themselves. they’re entitled to their wrong opinion, meanwhile the rest of us get to keep our amazing friend.” “bu t mooOOOOOOM”

Leo: “Uh actually no that was kinda definitely your fault” “but that’s what people see. it doesn’t matter if you don’t FEEL confident, you radiate we-can-do-it-we-got-this energy that could honestly bring someone back from the dead” “so are you gonna audition?”

Virgo: “yes i’m painfully aware that there’s no logical reason for me to be sad thank you” “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- you know what, you’re right. again. no i hate that, stop it.” “you’re a virgo? wait so aren’t you supposed to be obsessed with like books and cleaning and stuff?”

Libra: “you’re such a shady palm tree like for someone who hates conflict you sure talk a lot of shit” “i don’t know anyone who could out-diplomat you. you could convince someone a corpse isn’t dead.” “shhhhhh you two JUST broke up i promise you you don’t have to ‘find your soul mate’ within the week”

Scorpio: “you were with me every waking moment until i said that yesterday, can you please just TALK to me?” “you’ve had it rough, and you shouldn’t be labeled as cold or distant just because you don’t immediately open up. you’re one of the most caring people i know.” “i’m really, REALLY sorry”

Sagittarius: “ok….. not sure why you decided not filtering out some of that statement was a good idea but ok” “take a break. no, you’re going to take a break. you’ve been running around doing everything for everyone. you deserve a nap.” “bruh did i leave that at your house last week”

Capricorn: “have you considered that you CAN do it, you’re just being cynical… again” “i dunno, i just don’t know who else to come to. you’ve always been there even if i didn’t know it or you didn’t flaunt it. i’m sorry i haven’t been more attentive to you.” “hey can i ask you a question?”

Aquarius: “yes great your freedom is important. can you please try to show some variant of consistency” “i seriously have no idea why nobody thought of this before. i wasn’t sure it’d work when you woke me up at 3am to tell me about it but this is actually genius” “JUST PICK A RESTAURANT OH MY GOD”

Pisces: “ok but i can’t apologize if i have literally no clue what got you so upset in the first place???” “you always manage to like…. magically sense when someone’s not ok, and then magically make them feel like they’re wearing a blanket on their heart how do you” “please explain what you meant wtf”

no but I wanna talk about this but I’m not sure where to start so I’m just gonna start okay

I’ve known I was bi forever but I didn’t believe it because I was asexual like i literally used to think “I can’t be with anyone or want anyone properly cos they’ll want sex and I don’t” I used to invalidate my own feelings because they didn’t fit with how everyone told me I was supposed to feel, if that makes sense??

and there were so many things where I’d slip up. I’d talk about women the same way I talked about men and my family would give me weird looks. I’ll never forget when I was a kid I went to hold my best friend’s hand and she yanked it away saying “no! people will think its weird” my dad even told me to “stop talking about women that way! you’re meant to like the guy!” and when my friend came out to me I just kinda was like, “cool! girls are rad!” and she said my reaction was so chill and i was confused as to why liking girls was a not a chill concept for other people cos it came natural to me but so did liking guys so idk

Plus, I’d still inwardly think “no I’m not bi because i dont want the sexy times and its called being bisexual”

BUT THEN I found the word asexual and through ma gal google found that romantic orientation and sexual orientation don’t always see eye to eye

and it was exciting because this meant I wasn’t crazy or fake and just because I didn’t wanna rail that girl I was crushin on that didn’t mean I wasn’t attracted to her. It was so freeing not to necessarily label myself as a whole, but to be able to sort of categorize aspects of my self so they were less confusing for me and easier to explain to people i cared about

so thats why I get a little on edge when I see celebs telling people not to label because while that might work for them and that’s awesome, for some people (like me) not knowing what you’re feeling can be super stressful and being bombarded with mixed messages of hetronormativity and not labeling can have this effect of discouraging people to research because it’ll either look weird or uncool

so screw the idea that not labeling yourself is better, screw the idea that labeling yourself is better too, all I’m saying is don’t let anyone including yourself invalidate what you’re feeling and don’t be scared to investigate your feelings whatever way you want pal i 100% support you

kissstarrydreams  asked:

How do you deal with writing lulls? I love this story I'm writing and people are just skimming by it and it just feels like only a few are actually getting into the story and it just makes me not want to write often, but I'm reaching an important part of the story and idk. I'm rambling. But you know the feelings where you see that chapter has soooo many views but only 6 or so reviews? How do you deal with that?

So… I’m not sure if you’re asking about lulls in my interest with a story, or lulls in reader interest.

For lulls in writing interest, I try to wrote 1k words of original fiction whether I’m in the mood or not every weekday. I do not allow myself writer’s block. For fanfic, if it stops interesting me, I stop writing it.

Lulls in reader attention are different and harder. Some things will always get more attention. The Wrong Strain gets more reviews per chapter than Sublimation has gotten overall. I think Sublimation is more emotionally complex, more structurally interesting, and just better but it’s a rare pair and has trigger warnings (for good reason) and it’s just never going to have the audience a dramione will. So that’s one thing. Pairing will always effect readership. So will tropes. So will any number of random things you have no control over.

Statistically, I’ve found on average 1% of readers review. It goes up for rare pairs, down for dramione. A higher percentage of people will review the first chapter than will review subsequent chapters for a work in progress. You can move that needle a little by asking a question in the author’s note or ending on a cliff hanger, but it doesn’t move that much.

Reviews are great. Reviews are a rush. Reviews can fuel the energy to sit down and face the blank page. I wish more readers understood this. When I see fanfic groups where readers complain things are unfinished or slow to update then breezily say they never review I get incandescently angry, which is why I’ve stopped participating in such groups. My knee jerk response to that isn’t a good way to make friends and I have a hard time biting my tongue.

That said, you’ll be a lot happier if you can find a writing group where 2 or 3 or 4 friends cheer you on and just write for them. I wrote Sublimation for @ibuzoo, and while I’ve made a couple of changes for public sharing, that grew because she’d say, ‘fuck you. Give me more’ and I would. Those few readers who you share with privately who love your stuff and don’t hesitate to say so can help bridge any lull.

I’m becoming more and more certain that I want to go on T and it’s a lil scary but also?? really cool? idk. I’ll have my first appt at the gender identity clinic somewhere between April and June and I’m feeling really hopeful about it. I’ve heard this particular place is good with NB people (unlike the place in my home town, god bless being able to apply to other places) and it’s also in Stockholm where my dad lives so I’ll probably get to meet him and his family more. I think things might be looking up.

imo? if gasc and viola somehow discovered that people were making an au of them where gasc is a beast but he’s friendly
i’m pretty sure they would both be really disgusted by it
that’s how it makes me feel……bad au……..it makes me sad
just sweeps addiction under the rug…. 
i wish i didn’t keep seeing it everywhere….