where have i been for my entire life

@allistics who want to cure autism

It seems that most of the argument on curing autism and other disabilities is that people “don’t want anyone to suffer it”

But here’s the thing about autism. We’re born autistic. We don’t know anything else. And as long as I have access to my coping methods, I’m totally fine.

I’ve been autistic my entire life. I didn’t know it until a couple years ago, but I’ve been finding my own ways to deal with sensory issues since I was born. It’s not really a problem to me. I have soundproof earbuds to block out extra noise. I have a necklace full of perfume in case of a bad smell, stim toys in case I get anxious. I know ASL in case I have a nonverbal shutdown. I know how and where to seek out accommodations for myself if I need them. My autism-related problems are hardly problems at all. They’re just life for me.

So here are the reasons I suffer due to my autism:

  • when I get overwhelmed but can’t leave the room because people accuse me of being rude
  • when I can’t plug my ears if there’s a sound I can’t deal with because people accuse me of being rude
  • when I get ridiculed for stimming in public
  • when I get ridiculed for whatever my special interest is
  • when people force me to eat food I can’t eat
  • when people force me to use spoken English when I’ve gone nonverbal
  • when people talk down to me because I’m autistic
  • when people try to force me to do things that my brain can’t handle under the assumption that I can do it if I believe in myself

Notice what all those things have in common? They’re all problems caused by people who don’t try to understand that our brains are different.

We don’t suffer because of our autism. We suffer because of YOU.

So don’t give me that “nobody should have to suffer the burden of having autism” crap. If you actually cared about autistic people, you’d let us be different and try to understand the way our specialized brains work. You don’t care about us. You just don’t want to deal with us.

The 7 Elements of a SCENE

There are few things as soul-crushing in the writing process (at least to me) than getting a bunch of characters in a room with the intention of something happening, then the characters proceed to stand around and stare at each other.  

Or worse, look at you like this. 

My characters didn’t know why they were there. I didn’t know why they were there either. I had no clue what they were supposed to be doing, so I’d start throwing random instructions at them: “Fight, characters! You guys should fight now! Maybe fighting will make this event have a purpose!” Which inevitably resulted in characters going through the motions of battle for no apparent reason, like they had all lost their minds.

What was the problem? I didn’t know how to write a scene. I didn’t know what a scene was. I had a vague definition that it was something about changing scenery, or just “something happening”.

It’s not. And once I learned what a scene was, my characters got to stop pummeling each other, while wishing they could pummel me. 

So what is a scene? 

The definition of a scene is kind of like the definition of a story. Story is change, a massive change in the life of your main character. A scene is change too, but much smaller, and part of that huge story change. You couldn’t have the BIG change without these tiny changes. Thus, a scene is not switching scenery. It’s not flipping to a new Character’s POV. It’s one segment of change, which triggers the next change, which triggers the next, which gradually build into sequences, which build into Acts, which build into story. 

So what goes into a scene? How does it work?

1. Alternating Charges

If a scene opens positive, it will turn negative by the end. If it opens negative, it will end positive. Simple. 

2. Character Goals

Everybody in a scene wants something. If they don’t want anything, they shouldn’t be in the scene. And these characters, with their often opposing goals, are going to employ different tactics on each other to get what they want. Which creates …

3. Escalating Conflict

Conflict is created when one character wants one thing and another wants something else, right? So the characters in the scene are each pushing for something different, each new tactic increasing in determination. And what are these actions called?  

4. Beats

The beats of a scene are exchanges of action and reaction. One character does something, another character reacts. All exchanges (beats) are pushing the scene onward, building tension and conflict, until finally …

5. Turns & Revelations

The scene turns. The positive has changed to negative. Something has been discovered. The story has spun in a new direction.

6. Connection to Story Objective

Every scene must be connected to the BIG goal of the story, the main character is taking small actions to reach that big goal. If it isn’t obviously connected to this big plot, it won’t make sense. Your reader won’t know why the heck they’re reading the scene. Which brings us to … 

7. Logic & Necessity  

Every scene must be necessary. It must be able to be linked with the previous scene. “Because that happened in the previous scene, THIS must happen in this scene.”

So! To see how that all works, let’s break down a scene from Tangled. (Because I used it in the last post to map out how a premise works, and my little writer heart can’t resist symmetry.)

Which scene? The one right after this happens: 

Opening Charge: Positive. She’s realized everything. 

Rapunzel’s Goal: Rise up against her mother – finally. 

Gothel’s Goal: Regain control.

Escalating Conflict: They’re fighting over who controls Rapunzel, and this battle causes them to go from “mother and daughter” to “enemies”. The conflict builds nicely in this scene, causing the story turn.

Connection to Story Objective: Throughout the movie, the big thing Rapunzel wants is freedom, she wants her life to begin, she wants to have a new dream. This is the moment she figures out how to do that; it’s not escaping the tower, it’s escaping Gothel’s control over her.

So! Here’s the scene.

Beat 1

“Rapunzel? Rapunzel, what’s going on up there?”

Ignores her. Still processing the tremendous implications of this revelation. 

Beat 2

“Are you alright?" 

"I’m the lost princess.” (Dumbfounded. Almost whispering it to herself.)


Beat 3

“Oh, please speak up Rapunzel! You know how I hate the mumbling.” (Bullying.)

“I am the lost princess! Aren’t I?” (Fighting back. She will not be bullied anymore.)

Beat 4

Gothel stares, stunned. She’s rendered temporarily speechless, because her secret’s been revealed finally, and her victim is actually fighting against her.


“Did I mumble, Mother? Or should I even call you that?” (Accusing. Drawing herself up taller. Looking down on Gothel and glaring. She’s seeing her clearly for the first time in her life.)

Beat 5

After a pause, thinking up a tactic. “Oh, Rapunzel, do you even hear yourself? How could you ask such a ridiculous question?” (Laughs. Ridicules. Attempts to make her feel childish, dumb, worthy of being mocked. Tactics which have always worked. She even begins to hug her.)


Rapunzel pushes her. “It was you! It was all you!” (Still accusing and angry, but pain is beginning to show. It’s almost like she’s giving her a chance to explain herself.)


Beat 6

“Everything I did was to protect you.” (And Gothel doesn’t say anything redeeming. She’s holier than thou, regal, bestowing kindness on an ungrateful, stupid child. Trying to control through guilt.)

Rapunzel rams her out of the way. 

Beat 7

“Rapunzel!” (Shouting. Now trying anger.)

“I’ve spent my entire life hiding from people who would use me for my power …” (Leaves her.)

Beat 8

"Rapunzel!” (Still trying the anger angle.)

“But I should have been hiding from you.” (Throwing the truth at her.)

Beat 9

“Where will you go? He won’t be there for you.” (She’s tried everything else. It’s time to attack her heart.)

“What did you do to him?” (Fear)

Beat 10

“That criminal is to be hanged for his crimes.” (She’s keeping up the disapproving mother act, but striking her right where it will hurt her most.)

“No.” (She’s stopped. Shrinking in on herself. Staring, horrified. And Gothel thinks she’s won.)

Beat 11

“Now, now.  It’s alright. Listen to me. All of this is as it should be.” She goes to pat Rapunzel’s head, a gesture symbolic of her superiority, her physical, mental, and emotional control over her victim.


Rapunzel grabs Gothel’s wrist. “No! You were wrong about the world. And you were wrong about me! And I will never let you use my hair again!" 

Beat 12

Gothel wrenches free, stumbling backwards in shock and anger, breaking the mirror in the process. 

Rapunzel walks away. She’s escaped Gothel emotionally now.

Beat 13

"You want me to be the bad guy? Fine. Now I’m the bad guy.” (Well, now emotional control is over. It’s time to start stabbing Rapunzel’s boyfriend.)

This action has no reaction, interestingly. It leaves us hanging, a cliffhanger created with only beats. 

Closing Charge: Negative. She’s now a full-fledged villain, the motherly persona shed, and she’s determined to get what she wants whatever the cost. 

Turn: It changed from positive to negative,  and now we’ve got a Flynn-stabbing witch to deal with.  

Revelation: She’s always been evil. She has always been the bad guy. The motherly act was just that, an act. 

Logic & Necessity: This scene fits with the previous scene, and the one that follows.     

Though I’ve seen these concepts in many books, the place I first learned about it (and the best resource for scene design in my opinion) is the book Story by Robert McKee. It’s helped me countless times, is one of my favorite books on storytelling, and I highly recommend it if you write anything.

I realize that these definitions were a little vague, so I’ll be explaining things more thoroughly in subsequent posts. 

8

Found a super cheap flight to Maui last weekend, so I rented a car and explored the entire island solo. I spent the weekend sleeping in the car, waking up at sunrise, driving the entire coast, photographing, hiking, and eating the local cuisine. I can’t say there have been many other times where I felt this alive in my whole life.

Maui, Hawaii. February 2016.

“I want you to tell me about every person you’ve ever been in love with.
Tell me why you loved them,
then tell me why they loved you.

Tell me about a day in your life you didn’t think you’d live through.
Tell me what the word home means to you
and tell me in a way that I’ll know your mother’s name
just by the way you describe your bedroom
when you were eight.

See, I want to know the first time you felt the weight of hate,
and if that day still trembles beneath your bones.

Do you prefer to play in puddles of rain
or bounce in the bellies of snow?
And if you were to build a snowman,
would you rip two branches from a tree to build your snowman arms
or would leave your snowman armless
for the sake of being harmless to the tree?
And if you would,
would you notice how that tree weeps for you
because your snowman has no arms to hug you
every time you kiss him on the cheek?

Do you kiss your friends on the cheek?
Do you sleep beside them when they’re sad
even if it makes your lover mad?
Do you think that anger is a sincere emotion
or just the timid motion of a fragile heart trying to beat away its pain?

See, I wanna know what you think of your first name,
and if you often lie awake at night and imagine your mother’s joy
when she spoke it for the very first time.

I want you to tell me all the ways you’ve been unkind.
Tell me all the ways you’ve been cruel.
Tell me, knowing I often picture Gandhi at ten years old
beating up little boys at school.

If you were walking by a chemical plant
where smokestacks were filling the sky with dark black clouds
would you holler “Poison! Poison! Poison!” really loud
or would you whisper
“That cloud looks like a fish,
and that cloud looks like a fairy!”

Do you believe that Mary was really a virgin?
Do you believe that Moses really parted the sea?
And if you don’t believe in miracles, tell me —
how would you explain the miracle of my life to me?

See, I wanna know if you believe in any god
or if you believe in many gods
or better yet
what gods believe in you.
And for all the times that you’ve knelt before the temple of yourself,
have the prayers you asked come true?
And if they didn’t, did you feel denied?
And if you felt denied,
denied by who?

I wanna know what you see when you look in the mirror
on a day you’re feeling good.
I wanna know what you see when you look in the mirror
on a day you’re feeling bad.
I wanna know the first person who taught you your beauty
could ever be reflected on a lousy piece of glass.

If you ever reach enlightenment
will you remember how to laugh?

Have you ever been a song?
Would you think less of me
if I told you I’ve lived my entire life a little off-key?
And I’m not nearly as smart as my poetry
I just plagiarize the thoughts of the people around me
who have learned the wisdom of silence.

Do you believe that concrete perpetuates violence?
And if you do —
I want you to tell me of a meadow
where my skateboard will soar.

See, I wanna know more than what you do for a living.
I wanna know how much of your life you spend just giving,
and if you love yourself enough to also receive sometimes.
I wanna know if you bleed sometimes
from other people’s wounds,
and if you dream sometimes
that this life is just a balloon —
that if you wanted to, you could pop,
but you never would
‘cause you’d never want it to stop.

If a tree fell in the forest
and you were the only one there to hear —
if its fall to the ground didn’t make a sound,
would you panic in fear that you didn’t exist,
or would you bask in the bliss of your nothingness?

And lastly, let me ask you this:

If you and I went for a walk
and the entire walk, we didn’t talk —
do you think eventually, we’d… kiss?

No, wait.
That’s asking too much —
after all,
this is only our first date.”

—  Andrea Gibson
I will never walk away entirely, but I have been owned for the last 13 years of my life so it will be a variation of me being here because I want to be here, because I will always be there for Eddy and Adam, but probably without being owned,” Morrison told EW in February. “I love them and I owe such a wonderful part of my life to them, and I love Emma and I love the show, so I will find a way to be here — it just needs to be in a way where I also have a life.
—  Jennifer Morrison, back in February. (x)

ᴛᴀɴɢʟᴇᴅ sᴇɴᴛᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴍᴇᴍᴇ
      sᴇɴᴅ ᴏɴᴇ ( ᴏʀ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ) ᴛᴏ ᴍʏ ᴍᴜsᴇ!


  • ❝ This is the story of how I died. ❞
  • ❝ That’s when people usually start to look for a miracle. ❞
  • ❝ And for that one moment, everything was perfect. ❞
  • ❝ Why can’t I go outside? ❞
  • ❝ The outside world is a dangerous place filled with horrible, selfish people. You must stay here where you’re safe. ❞
  • ❝ All the things we’ve seen and its only eight in the morning. ❞
  • ❝ Stop taking everything so seriously. ❞
  • ❝ Stop with the mumbling, you know how I feel about the mumbling. ❞
  • ❝ I distinctly remember your birthday was last year. ❞
  • ❝ That’s the funny thing about birthdays, they’re kind of an annual thing. ❞
  • ❝ I can’t believe that after all we’ve been through together, you don’t trust me. ❞
  • ❝ Okay, okay, okay…I’ve got a person in my closet. ❞
  • ❝ I do hate leaving you after an argument, especially when I’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. ❞
  • ❝ You are not leaving this tower! Ever! ❞
  • ❝ Ugh, great. Now I’m the bad guy. ❞
  • ❝ I’ll be back in three days time. I love you very much, dear. ❞
  • ❝ I know why you’re here and I’m not afraid of you. ❞
  • ❝ The only thing I want to do with your hair is to get out of it. ❞
  • ❝ Who are you, and how did you find me? ❞
  • ❝ I know not who you are nor how I came to find you, but may I just say…hi. How ya doin’? ❞
  • ❝ I was being chased, I saw a tower, I climbed it. End of story. ❞
  • ❝ I have made the decision to trust you. ❞
  • ❝ Tomorrow evening they will light the night sky with these lanterns. ❞
  • ❝ When I promise something, I never ever break that promise. ❞
  • ❝ I didn’t want to have to do this but you leave me no choice. ❞
  • ❝ Well that’s okay, what she doesn’t know won’t kill her. ❞
  • ❝ I’m a despicable human being. ❞
  • ❝ You know I can’t help but notice you seem a little at war with yourself here. ❞
  • ❝ This is part of growing up. ❞
  • ❝ Stay calm. It can probably smell fear. ❞
  • ❝ Haven’t any of you ever had a dream? ❞
  • ❝ Go. Live your dream. ❞
  • ❝ Someone get me a glass, ‘cause I just found me a tall drink of water. ❞ 
  • ❝ Let’s just assume for the moment that everyone in here doesn’t like me. ❞
  • ❝ I have got to get me one of these. ❞
  • ❝ I was going to offer you something worth one thousand crowns, would have made you rich beyond belief. ❞
  • ❝ A gift like that, well, it has to be protected. ❞
  • ❝ You can’t tell anyone about this, okay? It could ruin my reputation. ❞
  • ❝ Well a fake reputation is all a man has. ❞
  • ❝ Why would he/she like you, come on now really. ❞
  • ❝ Look at you! Do you think that he/she’s impressed? ❞
  • ❝ I just listened to the sound of complete and utter betrayal and followed that. ❞
  • ❝ All good things to those who wait. ❞
  • ❝ Well I hope you came to apologize. ❞ 
  • ❝ I need you not to get him arrested. ❞
  • ❝ What if its not everything I dreamed it would be? ❞
  • ❝ And what if it is? What do I do then? ❞
  • ❝ You get to go find a new dream. ❞
  • ❝ I’m not scared anymore. ❞
  • ❝ We want him/her instead. ❞
  • ❝ The world is dark and selfish and cruel. If it finds even the slightest ray of sunshine, it destroys it. ❞
  • ❝ I’m the lost princess. ❞
  • ❝ I’ve spent my entire life hiding from people who would use me for my power. ❞
  • ❝ But I should have been hiding from you. ❞
  • ❝ Where will you go? He/She won’t be there for you. ❞
  • ❝ That criminal is to be hanged for his crimes. ❞
  • ❝ You want me to be the bad guy? Fine. Now I’m the bad guy. ❞
  • ❝ Let’s see how fast you can run. ❞
  • ❝ We’re going where no one will ever find you again. ❞
  • ❝Our secret will die with him. ❞
  • ❝ I will never stop trying to get away from you. ❞
  • ❝ I can’t let you die. ❞
  • ❝ But if you do this, then you will die. ❞
  • ❝ You were my new dream. ❞
  • ❝ Did I ever tell you I got a thing for brunettes? ❞
  • ❝ After years and years of asking, and asking, and asking, I finally said yes. ❞

Alright so now that I’ve let the episode digest for a while, here are my thoughts on the episode:

The biggest relevation is the fact that Marco’s been secretly keeping up the ‘Princess Marco’ act this entire time.

And that, well, that completely fucking changes things. What this means is that we’ve been around about all this building up to Marco realizing they can be a girl. They’ve known this entire time and have just been keeping it a secret from the audience.

In that sense, Marco is, canonically, a closeted girl sort of. She’s had this double (triple?) life where she’s an icon to hundreds of girls yet not presenting as who she is to the people around her in her person life. So Marco’s out and openly a girl as Princess Marco but closeted as Marco Diaz.

Which is, actually relatable. I’ve been out on tumblr long before I came out to my friends and started presenting IRL as a girl, and holy shit if that’s what they’re going for then that’s an incredibly goddamn nuanced potrayal of what being a trans person is like and I’ll have to give them props because, like, damn.

Music To, or In, My Ears

pairing: anthony ramos x reader

word count: 2500

warnings: swearing

a/n: have yall ever seen the soulmate prompt where it’s like “the song that’s stuck in your head is stuck in your soulmate’s head too”??? well thats what this fic is based on. its kind of confusing; i had to take a little artistic liberty; and it really, really, really sucks, but i hope you like it anyway. enjoy!!!


You didn’t believe in soulmates. You never had. Your parents said they were soulmates – they had ways, reasons they found each other that they constantly yammered on about. But you didn’t believe in soulmates. It was luck they found each other, and luck that they fell in love. The whole shtick of them ‘hearing the same songs in their head’ or whatever was just… coincidence. Of course. It had to be. There was no such thing as soulmates.

Until you heard it one day.

Rise up… when you’re livin’ on your knees you rise up…

You looked around the crowded subway car you were on, eyebrows cocked. Was someone playing their music too loud? So loud that you could hear it? You couldn’t recognize the song, so it certainly wasn’t coming through your earbuds. A quick glance around the cabin rewarded you with no answers; the other people in the immediate vicinity didn’t have any earbuds in or headphones on. Your eyebrows screwed up in the middle of your head and you leaned back, trying not to show both the confusion and the annoyance on your face. What the fuck was happening? Another line came seconds later.

Tell your brother that he’s gotta rise up… tell your sister that she’s gotta rise up… when are these colonies gonna rise up…

Oh, for God’s sake.

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‘Maintaining My Virginity Has Given Me Incredible Powers’: 5 Questions With Steven Spielberg

The architect of dozens of iconic movies, Steven Spielberg essentially invented the blockbuster and has changed Hollywood forever. We asked the renowned director five questions about his storied career, and his answers will blow you away.

1. Where do you get the ideas for your movies?

I get my ideas from things I see in my everyday life. One time I was walking on the beach, and I saw a huge shark eating someone with its enormous jaws. I saw that, and I thought, “What if that shark was a man, and instead of eating people, he searched for lost artifacts and battled the Nazis with a whip?” The next day I started work on Indiana Jones. You never know where inspiration can be hiding.

2. What do you think has most contributed to your success as a filmmaker?

Maintaining my virginity for my entire life has given me incredible divine powers from heaven. I have kept my body pure from desires of the flesh, and as a result, God has sent his blessings down upon me. Because I have remained a virgin, God has granted me the ability to hold my breath for six minutes at a time. This has enabled me to shoot several scenes in Raiders Of The Lost Ark underwater, which really made that film great. If I hadn’t been a virgin, God wouldn’t have allowed me to hold my breath for six minutes, and Raiders Of The Lost Ark would have been a mediocre film completely lacking any scenes that take place underwater.

3. What is a common misconception people have about your work?

People often think that E.T. went on to live a long and happy life after he left Earth at the end of the movie, but that simply is not the case. The moment that E.T. boards his spaceship, his fellow aliens immediately kill him for failing in his mission to steal one of Elliott’s sweatshirts. E.T. is the saddest movie I ever made.

4. What was it like working with Harrison Ford on the Indiana Jones series?

Like many actors in the early 1980s, when Harrison Ford heard that an actor had just been elected president, he assumed it was him. It made shooting the movie difficult, as Harrison was constantly trying to call foreign dignitaries and order missile strikes between takes. We had to cobble most of his dialogue from him shouting, “Now Harrison’s the president,” as he refused to read his lines, claiming that the U.S. Constitution forbade the president from engaging in archaeology. Harrison is the best actor I’ve ever worked with by far.

5. What’s your favorite part about being a filmmaker?

They let me keep the plastic E.T. puppet, and if you rub sunscreen on the plastic E.T. puppet, the plastic E.T. puppet will reward you by telling an interesting fact about insects. I love to learn about insects, so I always make sure I have plenty of sunscreen to rub all over E.T. I can’t imagine doing any other job.

I am Jewish.

My JCC just received a bomb threat and hundreds of Jewish graves have been desecrated around the country.

I am Indian.

An Indian man was just shot and killed in Kansas for the “crime” of being a brown immigrant.

I am American.

I have lived in his country my entire life. Where am I supposed to go?

So I wanted to share my latest morning ritual because it has helped A LOT. I have very painful cycles where I cramp the ENTIRE cycle and my cycle lasts 7-8 days. Yup, 7-8. Anyways, my pain is so bad that I’ve gone to the hospital several times, and I would stay home from school (as a teen) or classes (in college) because I just couldn’t function. As an adult, it’s a little bit trickier to miss work, so I’ve been tinkering with remedies and of course, raspberry tea has saved my life in the pain department.

Anyways, I started back with drinking green smoothies for breakfast in place of having coffee and a breakfast sandwich, and I’ve really seen a difference. The biggest change for pain relief though, has come from me substituting brewed raspberry tea in place of my spring water when I make my smoothies. Raspberries and cherries really help alleviate cramps, at least mine, anyways, so I thought, why not combine my tea with my smoothie?

Here’s the recipe:

Add a handful of spinach + brewed, cooled raspberry tea.

I use the Alvita raspberry leaf tea brand. Their teas are all organic and taste good.

Blend that together first. Blending the greens first helps to make your green smoothies actually smooth so you’re not finding chunks of spinach or kale, etc. when you’re drinking.

Next, add any supplement–I switch between organic flax seed powder and organic hemp powder (hemp helps with your cycle too, btw). Sometimes I throw chia seeds in at the end. For this particular recipe, I used flax.

Then add your fruit and sweetener. I started using agave nectar this week and it tastes good. Not overpowering, but sweet. And it doesn’t give me that sugar high/crash like white sugar tends to do. I actually tried agave nectar before and thought it was disgusting so I think it’s the particular brand I’m using now that I like (Madhava organic light blue agave).

The fruit I used was all frozen: cherries, dark cherries, blueberries, and strawberries.

Note: the raspberry tea tends to make the mixture more of a “juice” consistency, so add ice if you want it to actually be a smoothie. I added like 5-6 ice cubes.

Trust me when I say this helps. My pain level has been between a 3-5 this week. Typically, I’m at an 8 or 9. And again, I typically feel that intense type of pain for the entire 7-8 days I have my cycle, so having any type of relief is so astonishingly awesome! The pain isn’t completely gone, but it’s significantly less and for that, I’m thankful.

youtube

For that anon that asked for cute moments edited into one video? Our prayers have been heard! 

I have one extremely important question tho. Where is the clip at 00.50 in the plane from? I need to know this before I start screaming, because that might have been the cutest thing I have witnessed in my entire life.

Unknown Parts (Gaston)- Part Two

Pairing: Gaston/OC

 Warnings: Idk, Gaston should come with a warning for being so damn smooth. Amirite?

A/N: Here’s the second part! I’m honestly not sure how many there’ll be…I’m thinking three or four? Enjoy, lovelies!

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Originally posted by good-gay-sherlock

Part One  Part Three

Much to my great annoyance, Gaston was the first thing on my mind when I woke up the next morning. Even as I stood in front of my easel, at the kitchen window, I found myself distracted from the one thing I usually lost myself in so easily. Every one in a while, I’d snap to attention, paintbrush paused in my hand and a dopey smile on my face…remembering the way his touch had felt as he brushed paint from my cheek the night before.

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anonymous asked:

hey TJ, you're a pretty stylish guy, right? do you have any advice on how I can develop a sense of style? for most of my life I've been choosing clothes based on what's easy & seems the least likely to attract attention to myself. I want to start being more adventurous but at this point my wardrobe consists entirely of beige khakis and generic t-shirts and idk where to even begin

yo! 

soo I’m definitely not a fashion guru so it’ll be hard for me to advise for someone else, but I’ll try anyways! 

So I didn’t always wear pastel windbreakers and cheek glitter (who knew). Through middle and highschool I was in the same boat; I wore nothing but hand-me-downs and whatever my mom got at the thrift store lmao. Anything easy and inconspicuous. I only really found my style after I left highschool and was willing to experiment now that no one could judge me and no one could stop me. So I started growing out my hair and buying my own clothes with my own money in an effort to find myself and reach a please where I was happy with my appearance. 

My first tip I guess would be find out what you like. What kind of colors do you like? What compliments your skin complexion as well as your personality? The way I dress kind of ties in with my art; stuff that’s bright and colorful and unusual, setting out to destroy the generic and mundane. 

Start searching around. Look at fashion blogs here on tumblr, look on instagram, start keeping a folder/tag for Look Inspiration™. Don’t directly mimic someone, but do what all good artists do a sample bits and pieces here and there to compose a look that’s truly you. woah that sounded dramatic. 

Browse! I try to shop at smaller unknown places to try to find something really unique. Hit up them thrift shops and clothes exchange stores so you can get that good good on the cheap cheap. If you see something you like, try it on, no matter what it is! And also look out for obscure online stores. My friend claire always sends me links to these random kawaii clothes shops, so be on the lookout for aesthetics you like, be it kawaii, vaporwave, seapunk, dad core,etc

And last tip, fuck what anyone thinks. fuck only shopping in the mens or womens section, if you see something cute and you like it, grab it. 

hope this helps, pop you some tags anon! 

Servants ~ A Zhang Yixing Series

A Zhang Yixing royal life AU

Not requested

Genre: Angst // Romance

Member: Zhang Yixing (Lay)

Summary: (of this series) As an upcoming king, Zhang Yixing has always had many pressures and expectations as the only heir to the royal throne. As his servant, he never acknowledges you. What happens when he suddenly does?

{Chapter two} {Chapter three, coming soon}



Wiping the sweat off his forehead with his pocket handkerchief, Yixing sighs as he looks out to how far his golf ball had traveled. 

“Great one son,” his father says as he positions himself to take his swing. “Qualities of a King. Being great at everything.”

Yixing rolls his eyes. Just because he’s good at golf doesn’t mean he’ll be good at being a king. After a few more swings and compliments, he excuses himself and leaves to go back to where the castle is. 

Stepping out of the bathroom after a steaming bath dressed with his wet hair slicked back due to him running his hands through his hair, he sits by the window and sighs. Looking out the window, he spots his soon-to-be kingdom.

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I just realized you could have been in your freshman year of college when Louis last tweeted Harry and graduated now. You could have been pregnant when Louis last tweeted Harry and have a walking talking baby now. You could have gone through your entire doctoral program. You could have served your entire time in the military. I remember exactly where I was the last time Louis tweeted Harry, and I can’t believe how much has changed in my life …. except my love for them ♥️♥️♥️♥️

This entire time I’ve been thinking about where my home was. At first it was California, then Wisconsin. But in truth, home isn’t necessarily where you sleep at night. It’s where you feel like yourself. Where you’re most comfortable. Where you don’t have to pretend, where you can just be you.
—  Elizabeth Eulberg, Better off Friends
Sex Worker's Guide on Who to tell your Secret...

So very recently I had a somewhat close friend of mine reveal to me that she doesn’t support me in the SW industry, and clearly insinuated she judges me by my choice of what to do with my body. Even with years of experience, it still stung because it was personal.

Over the course of a few years, I’ve revealed to a handful of loved ones of my “alter ego” life. It took me experiences and mistakes to have a much better grasp of how to handle hiding this. Many times I’ve been in a really close bonding moment where I want to tell someone the truth but the truth is that MOST PEOPLE WILL JUDGE YOU.

I don’t care if these are people you went to elementary school with or family friends you’ve known your entire life. As with all things in life, don’t easily hand out personal grenades to others.

This is part of the territory that results in our high pay days. It’s a terrible and sad fact that this isn’t accepted by most people yet. It’s a sacrifice we make.

From my own observations and experiences, these are GENERALLY the types of people you refrain from telling regardless of how close you are:

1) A vanilla boyfriend. Just don’t. It WILL cause issues. He’s your boyfriend meaning that he wants you to ONLY be his. Run from any vanilla man that’s perfectly okay with his girlfriend being used by other men. Young ladies, listen to me on this. You’re still new so you haven’t figured out the brutal reality of this bullet point yet.

2) ANYONE religious. They might have the best of intentions but their values on the subject of sex does not and will never align with yours. Don’t think that you can change their views by blindsighting them and showing them their best friend is in the industry.

3) Anyone in anyway affiliated with Law Enforcement. It is a life shattering bomb waiting to explode. Don’t. Be. Stupid.

4) A girlfriend who has had jealousy issues with you in the last 3 years. She will not be moved or touched that you had to resort to this to survive. Her envy will get greener and greener…like the cash that’s pouring into your life.

5) A virgin. Until someone has been sexually active with at least a handful of partners in their life, their view of sex is a deluded trophy on a pedestal. They won’t respect that you are able to do it so casually when it’s still something intimate to them on every level.

6) Someone married. She/He WILL tell their spouse. They made a vow to share everything till death. What may seem like a personal, monumental secret to you is simply dinner topic for them.

7) The most important: Anyone whose been fortunate enough to never have any real bills and/or has a financial safety net (like their parents or relatives). Until someone has been in a situation where life TEACHES them that the world runs on MONEY and not some Disney-induced perception of purity, they will NEVER understand why it is that you’re doing what you do.

People that are generally okay to tell:

1) Other people currently in the industry. Less likely to throw stones when they also live in the same glass house.

2) Anyone who’s an extreme liberal. They have a different perception of values than the more conservative generations before us.

3) A sibling (generally a sister) that you know you can count on if you ever need to bail you out of anything.

4) A friend that happens to not be any of the 7 qualities and traits I listed in the first portion of this.

NOTE: As more of a safety precaution, try to refrain from telling anyone that you have no dirt on. It’s a good insurance policy to keep their mouth shut if you also have something. Unfortunately, this doesn’t guarantee they won’t be judge mental or other unpleasant reactions.

As you can see, the acceptable traits list is far less in content than the ones you don’t. As an experienced SW, take from my experience of trial and mistakes. You work in an industry based off of sin. Most people will not understand because they don’t have to. Be smart, get your money and get out. It’s nobody’s business what you do with your body.

In the event you did entrust someone who ended up undeserving of it because they’re judgement or jealous, just remember it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if they call you a whore or that you’re fucked up because of a choice you made with the strength they don’t have. Many times the same people trying to preach to you are working minimum wage jobs, putting their family into debt for their own loans or bitching about how hard being an adult is.

Your are more than just this vessel people can “rent”. You are a person with values and the strength to sacrifice things in life to achieve goals and financial stability. Don’t let anyone undermine what you earn. Only YOU get to decide what’s right for you, what’s needed in YOUR life and what’s worth it.

You’re still that person with values. You still have morals. You still have the same level of purity. Your intimate moments are still just as precious.

Your character and soul is not determined by a service that does not harm others.

Good Luck Finding Cinderella Pt. 2

Part 1

“Honeybear, how fluent are you in the language of flowers?” Tony poked the large floral arrangement that consumed his desk with it’s excessive greenery with a ruler. He wrinkled his nose when the anther from one of the lilies dropped off the filament and onto one of the files he’d been going through for Stark Industries.

There was a long pause on the other end of Tony’s cell phone and Tony could sense that his best friend was judging him.

“It’s a perfectly innocent question!” Tony defended himself before Rhodey could accuse him of anything.

“It’s too innocent a question. What did you do?”

Tony huffed and dragged his roller chair out from under his desk and flopped into it. He glanced around and noticed that half of his coworkers were either watching him or listening in to his conversation, while the other half continued to work. Tony pinched the bridge of his nose and internally sighed. He wish he was high enough in the company that he had a private office. Unfortunately for him, Howard had a twelve step plan when it came to Tony’s advancement in Stark Industries, and Tony wasn’t allowed even a chance at a position with a private office for another six months.

It wouldn’t have been so bad if he was working in the labs. Lab time was three months ago though. Now he was stuck in accounting where his life and soul were being sucked out of into the abyss of misery and despair.

“I’d say that I gave someone the best night of their life, but unfortunately I’ve been having a dry spell recently. I think being an accountant has killed my sex drive.” Tony gripped the vase and spun the flowers around just to see if he’d missed anything. The only evidence that the flowers were for him was his name on the card.

Whoever sent the flowers had good taste. The arrangement was colorful and gave life to Tony’s desk (and truthfully, to the entire room). Gerberas, lilies, sunflowers, orange and yellow roses and many more flowers brightened the space.

“A secret admirer then? Did they leave any clues?”

“None that I can see.”

“Weird. Nothing?”

“Yes, nothing.”

Rhodey mulled over the information. “I bet you’ll get another gift later.”

“Maybe it’s just a thank you gift or something.” Tony shrugged. He couldn’t think of any reason why someone would send him flowers as a thank you, but he found it more plausible than a secret admirer. Tony didn’t have those, and if he did, they wouldn’t gift him things.

“Winner buys the next meal?”

Tony grinned into the receiver. “Deal.”

Tony shortly after that hung up with Rhodey and went to work. He crunched numbers and tried to ignore the mental clock in his head that was counting down the seconds until he could take a break from his tedious task. The moment his internally alarm went off though, Tony scrambled out of his cubicle and headed for the break room for a cup of coffee.

Tony froze in doorway of the break room.

One of the tables was covered in a fine tablecloth with lit candles and a carry out box from his favorite burger joint. Tony cautiously trudged to the table. His name was written in cursive on a folded card that sat in front of the food. Tony picked up the card and opened it.

Please enjoy.

Tony frowned at the simple and innocuous message. “Stalker,” Tony sang the word. He went over to the drawer of utensils kept in the room and picked out a fork. He prodded and dissected his burger until he was certain that his stalker hadn’t added any razor blades or other harmful items. He sniffed the burger, but couldn’t detect any scents that would suggest poison.

Nonetheless there were many poisons that didn’t have a scent.

With a broken hearted sigh, Tony tossed the burger in the garbage. He’d really wanted that burger, but contrary to the belief of many, he wasn’t foolish enough to accept food from an unknown source. Especially a source that had studied his habits enough to know when he took his break.

Probably the only people he’d be comfortable knowing his habits would be the security team, and even then there were some members he hoped didn’t pay enough attention to him to pick up a pattern.

His break thoroughly wasted, Tony went back to his cubicle with just a cup of coffee and a bag of blueberries he’d brought to work.

In between files, Tony called Rhodey.

“So you’re buying our next meal.”

Rhodey was no help at all. Tony sighed. “I have a stalker,” Tony repeated.

“Your admirer could be a coworker.” Rhodey huffed. “But if the gifts keep coming and get more creepy, call me. I’ll be right over there. No one is allowed to mess with you when I’m around.”

“Aw, honeybear.” Tony wiped away an invisible tear. “I love you too.”

The rest of Tony’s work day was peaceful, albeit boring to tears. He got through it by reminding himself that eventually he’d be back to designing products for the company; he just had to endure for now. When his shift ended he fought his way through rush hour traffic until he finally made it home.

Tony only got a few steps into the house when he was met with a tower of shoe boxes. Tony craned his back as he took in the sight. Expensive brands jumped out at Tony, and he knew immediately that whoever had sent him these shoes not only had expensive tastes, but also had deep pockets.

Tony approached the boxes and took one from the top of the stack. Tony tossed the lid aside.

Red heels rested in the white tissue paper inside the box.

Tony inhaled sharply.

There was a knock and then someone cleared their throat.

Tony whirled just as he realized he’d left the front door open behind him.

Prince T’Challa stood at Tony’s doorstep, holding a red, strappy heel that was quite familiar to Tony.

T’Challa’s eye twinkled as he turned the shoe over to reveal the message Tony had scrawled on the bottom of it:

Good Luck finding Cinderella!

“Do you prefer to go by Tony or is Cinderella your preference?” T’Challa asked.

Tony shook his head in disbelief even as a grin split across his face. “I have so many questions and I’m a little weirded out, but I have to say, you have me impressed.”