where have all my moral gone

Today I (unintentionally) learned a lot about myself. Ive spent the past 9 months tearing myself down and allowing myself to think and act in ways that I am not proud of.

I was broken, I am broken. I had spent so much time and energy in my life trying to be the perfect child, the perfect student, the perfect athlete, and really the perfect person. I had put so much effort into every aspect of my life, that I lost who I was and I became immensely unhappy with who I was. So much so that I began to self-sabotage my own well being by doing things that I morally dont agree with. I had allowed myself to fall into a rut, where I was not only treating myself poorly, but also letting others treat me so. I felt empty inside, nearly worthless. This was an emptiness that was only rivaled by my own constant shortcomings (in my mind) when trying to please my perfectionist and achieving parents.

In January I decided to do something I told myself I would never do; hookup. Up until that point in my life I had felt that sex and intimate relationships should be between two people that deeply care about each other and that’s what made it special. In all honesty I was using sex to try and feel something because at that point in my life, nothing felt good. The first hookup lead to the next, and so on, and so on. I finally felt something good, for just a brief moment, then nothing. I had allowed myself to “let go” and “relax” and in the moment I was finally feeling again. It was only for a brief period of time that this was the case, as I soon after felt not numb, but furious and sad. These negative emotions began to drive my life, however I convinced myself that they were worth it for 20 minutes of feeling good once in a while. After a while my body count grew and along with it, the dark feelings grew; driving myself down deeper and deeper. Some hookups lead to feelings being developed and then shortly after crushed, which only fueled the dark place even more. I would look in the mirror, broken and hollow inside, with only a hint of rage toward myself in my eyes.

I turned to tumblr and the validation I would get from followers on some posts of mine, the more sexual and revealing ones specifically. This “validation” was nothing more than a way for myself to somehow justify my behaviors. You will notice that I have taken down many of the images, as I posted them when I was in a time where all I wanted was to have my body complimented because sex and my physical appearance were the only things I felt I was good at/with. This also had fueled many of the emotions I was having.

I am making this post because I have finally gotten to the place in my life where I have realized all of these bad things in my life are my own choices and that I am the one who can control them. I, like many people have their flaws and their problems, my hope is that I can be a voice of hope and somehow help somebody who is going through the shitstorm of the past 9 months that I have gone through. Stay true to your morals even in the darkest of times, because you will survive them. And you will be better off for doing so with who you truly are as a person in tact, rather then spending so much time in your recovery hating yourself and continuing to break them as a way to punish yourself even more.


Today Im putting an end to the bullshit I have pulled myself through for the past 9 months. Today is the last day I allow myself to feel empty inside and angry towards myself for the decisions I made while I was in a bad place. Today I removed many of the toxic people from my life. Today I looke dat myself in the mirror and started to feel like I used to. Today I made the change. Tomorrow, I start living again.

history of the world, i guess

     A list of slightly modified quotes I think could be used in some way.
     Full transcript I did for your enjoyment.

  • some of it’s water. fuck it, actually most of it’s water.
  • it’s sad. i’m sad. i miss you.
  • how did this happen?
  • makes sense, right?
  • like i said, it didn’t happen.
  • (pause). forget this.
  • i wanna be something, go somewhere, do something.
  • i want things to change.
  • i just don’t know when to start.
  • and that’s exactly where it started.
  • try to stick together because the world is gonna get bigger and emptier.
  • but it’s not empty yet. it’s still very full
  • it’s about a kjghpillion degrees!
  • great news! ___ and ___ are now happily married to each other
  • congratulations, the world is now ___
  • new shit just got made.
  • some stars burn out and die.
  • bigger stars burn out and die with   p a s s i o n!
  • that makes some brand new way crazier shit.
  • holy shit, we just got hit
  • weather update: cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava.
  • weather update: its raining.
  • oh cool, like a plant or an animal?
  • oh yeah, and it can do that.
  • so that’s pretty nifty, i would say.
  • now you can eat sunlight. taste the sun.
  • maybe even a coupla times.
  • wow, that’s animals and stuff.
  • the sun is a deadly lazer.
  • not anymore, there’s a blanket.
  • there’s no food yet so i don’t care.
  • i was already doing that.
  • works for me.
  • ah fuck, now everything’s dead.
  • here are the survivors.
  • keep your eye on this one because its about to ___
  • here’s another map of the land.
  • don’t worry about it, it does that all the time.
  • its ___ time! here come the ___.
  • look at those breasts.
  • now they’re gonna dominate the world
  • ouch.   yeouch.
  • gneurshk.
  • that’s a human person.
  • and now they’re everywhere, almost.
  • i guess we’re stuck here now.
  • let’s review.
  • fuck it, time to plant some grass.
  • look at this,
  • i control the food now.
  • now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me.
  • mine is bigger because i own the food.
  • this is great, i wonder if anyone else is doing this. 
  • guess what happens next.
  • coming soon to a dank river valley near you.
  • meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere,
  • i don’t know, my dealer won’t tell me where he gets it.
  • now we’re getting somewhere.
  • they’re gone. guess who’s not gone?
  • wow, that’s big.
  • he figured out how to ignore the fact that we’re all dying.
  • ____ was figuring out how to have good morals.
  • ah, ___ just had the idea of thinking about stuff.
  • it’s a great idea, he was…great. and now he’s dead.
  • hopefully, the rest of the gang will be able to share the ___ evenly between them.
  • get the hell out of here
  • will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? ok thanks bye
  • but what about this part?
  • that’s the ___, no one conquers the ___
  • merchants, probably.
  • they would like to ransack your city. 
  • “hi, everything’s great,” said some guy
  • they just made a brand new road to the world.
  • sick, new trade routes!
  • hmm, that’s a good place for an epic trading kingdom.
  • hi i live in ___ and i was wondering, is loving ___ legal yet?
  • don’t worry about rome, it won’t fall.
  • what’s a barbarian? 
  • their gods are all fake.
  • everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town.
  • you could make a religion out of this.
  • and maybe conquer the world as well.
  • the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope.
  • here’s all the wisdom, in a house.
  • someone owns that now.
  • wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere?
  • ok, fair enough. 
  • come on, i know you wanna ___.
  • yes, i do actually want to do that.
  • let’s do a crusade.
  • they did many ___, some of which almost didn’t fail,
  • look at those mounds.
  • i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff.
  • i bet that will last a long time!
  • is it ___ time? i think it’s ___ time.
  • ___ is so ___ he’s going on tour to let everyone know.
  • “wow, that guy’s rich,” everyone said.
  • please remain __. we will check in later to see if you are still __ when you least expect.
  • oh, ___’s really rich, time for them to care a lot about art.
  • it’s kinda like a rebirth.
  • nice job, ___. whoops, you missed a spot;
  • “what? that’s bullshit,” said ___, spiceless.
  • “wait,” said ___, probably smoking crack,
  • nah, don’t worry we already got this
  • “hey wanna hire me to do something crazy af?”
  • “no.”  “please?”  “no.”  “please?”  “no.” “please?” “ok.”
  • move over ___, here comes ___.
  • do you sin? 
  • that’s bullshit, this whole thing is bullshit, that’s a scam, fuck ___, here’s 95 reasons why,
  • you know what would be magnificent?
  • all the hipsters move to amsterdam.
  • damn, we gotta start pillaging some stuff.
  • question two: steal the ___. that’s not a question but ___ did it anyway.
  • they are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world.
  • did they figure out who’s boss?
  • “fuck you,” says ___, declaring their independence, and fighting for it.
  • let’s overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!
  • someone eventually got mad & cut his head off.
  • you could make a reli- no don’t.
  • why didn’t we think of this before?
  • luckily, they banished him to an island.
  • but he came back.
  • luckily, they banished him to another island.
  • nah, dude we already got everything
  • so ___ threw a hissy-fit and made them ___ and give them ___.
  • that’s just where he lives.
  • well, blame something on them and go to war!
  • we haven’t had a ___ since the last ___.
  • look at those guns.
  • it’s gonna be a great war(/___), so great we won’t need a second one.
  • it just seemed like the right thing to do. 
  • they should probably just deny it.
  • hi i’m ___ and if ___ doesn’t ___ i’m going to starve myself in public.
  • wow, that worked?
  • “me”, they both said at the same time.
  • what’s on the menu? ___!
  • nobody wins, then it’s on pause forever.
  • let’s meet the sponsors.
  • they’re having a friendly debate over which is good and which is an evil virus of satan.
  • let’s just keep it cool and spy on each other instead.
  • the world agrees.
  • ____ might need another minute to think about it.
  • woah. okay.
  • that might keep happening.
  • ___ decides to relax a little and accidentally falls apart.
  • don’t worry, ___ won’t fail, because ___ aren’t supposed to.
  • some people have no friends. some people have no food.
  • that’s pretty cool.
  • by the way, where the hell are we?
Kitty Logic

I need more Logince and I’m tired of Kitty!Anxiety tropes.

——

When the spell came, they were all surprised.

It had happened before with Anxiety and those had been… Weird days. Those cat ears and long tail and overall neediness of a cat… But it was fine, because Anxiety was already pretty feline before the whole deal.

Now when Logic came downstairs sporting two fluffy ears on the top of his head and a giant tail on his back, well…

That surely made the others surprised.

“What is this?!” Logic asked, angrily, staring straight at Prince, who was walking to him with a fascinated look in his eyes, moving his hand up to touch the ears before Logic moved away. “Stop and explain!”

“Um… Another spell I guess…” Prince said, smiling, and Morality giggled while Anxiety smirked at Logic. The teacher groaned at them, his cheeks reddening.

“Stop looking at me like that!” He said, loudly, and Anxiety chuckled, moving closer.

“Oh, our kitty is angry. What are you going to do? Bite me?” He asked, his voice almost like a song as he tapped Logic’s head.

Out of nowhere, he hissed.

“Wow come down there tiger” Morality said, grinning from ear to ear as Anxiety pulled away, pretending to be surprised.

“Did he just… Hiss at me?” He asked, making a failed imitation of Logic from a few weeks prior, and making the teacher growl deeply while he blushed even more.

“Roman, I want you to fix this now!” He said, loudly, but the royal shook his head.

“Sorry Logan, but the spell wears it off by itself” he said softly. “You will have to wait until it passes”

Logic looked at him with narrowed eyes before he turned around, tail waving behind him.

“Then I’m not coming out of my room until it’s gone” he said, firmly, and rushed upstairs, closing the door with a loud bang.

“Kitty is angry” Anxiety chuckled, and Morality shook his head.

“Well, I’m making dinner for us anyway so…” the father said, walking to the kitchen while Anxiety walked to the couch.

Prince smirked by himself in the hallway, looking down at his hand where the antidote to the spell had been all along.

Now they would have a little bit of fun.

—–

It took longer than they expected, but eventually Logic walked out of his room again, in need of food and water. He hid the tail under his shirt and the ears in his hair the best he could, ignoring any pun that Morality could do or any comment by Anxiety. Prince was the only one that was quite.

“I think this dinner was purrfect, don’t you think, Logan?” Morality asked once they had finished eating, receiving only a death glare from the teacher.

“Hey Logan” Prince called, and Logic looked a him, clearly not in the best mood. “Could you help me with an idea I have been developing?”

“Of course Roman” he answered, putting his silverware over his plate and looking at the royal. “Want to do it right now?”

“Yes please” Prince said, standing up with the teacher and waving goodbye to the other two before both walked up to Prince’s room. Once there, they sat on the royal’s bed.

“Well what is the idea?” Logic asked, and Prince hummed softly, taking out a small paper from his drawer.

“I was watching some of Dan and Phil’s videos and I thought about a pastel Au video, like they did” Prince said, tilting his head. He developed the idea with Logic, both talking about the pros and the cons of the subject. Slowly, Logic became calmer, his ears puffing out of his hair, his new tail waving around as he became excited with the idea.

Prince then used a moment of distraction to move his hand over to Logic’s hair, caressing it right behind his ear.

And he purred.

Both stopped, in silence, and Prince held back a smile as Logic stared at him, eyes wide, cheeks deep red.

“I-I can explain” Logic said quickly, but Prince scratched his head again and the teacher melt, purring again even if he looked like he was trying to hold it back. “S-stop!”

“You like it. Why should I stop?” Prince asked, and Logic’s eyes started to close in delight as he purred. “I promise I won’t tell the others…”

“Roman…” Logic mumbled, leaning against his touch and purring louder, his tail moving freely around until it found Prince’s arm and wrapped around it. Slowly, Logic’s entire body was moving closer, and Prince fixed his arm, wrapping it around the teacher as to continue scratching his head.

Soon, Logic was full on purring, nuzzled against Prince’s neck, curled up against his side, his tail wrapped around the younger’s waist. Prince looked at him with adoring eyes, loving the final result of his little spell.

Finally, he was able to get Logic show some affection.

And he was so, so happy with it.

(Logic did sleep by his feet all the days following until the spell ‘faded away’)

.

i dont think my friends understand how much my soul hurts. Where I’ve been and where I’ve ended up. Why I am the way i am and why I have the vices,morals and standards I have. People tell me i indulge too much in unhealthy habits yet don’t know what got me to this point. I’m grateful for what I have and i know people have gone through worse but it hasn’t been easy to get where i am in life as of right now so when people pass judgement all i can do is shrug it off. I could be a lot worse with what i came from but i strive for better than what I’ve experienced.

Confession

Being black is being afraid for your life when you want to go to the bathroom. My parents and I where taking a trip back to Alabama during the summer last year. It’s one of those kinds of memories you would like to forget. Alabama, especially southern Alabama is full of racist white people. Racist WHITE TRASH people who are living like rats yet think they are better simply because of the color of their skin. Every time we go to Alabama we have to be careful passing through towns especially at night and with cops because anything could happen to us and no body would know or care. Anyway, as we where passing through this one little town, my dad stopped at a gas station because he had to use the bathroom. We went inside. He came back to the car about a minute or two later and got in the car and started driving off. My mom and I asked us what happened. He told us that the white guy in the station told him to go somewhere else to use the bathroom because he didn’t want any black niggers to use the bathroom at his station. Doesn’t matter that my dad was gonna buy gas and buy other food at the station. Doesn’t matter. It’s scary. My dad could have gone into the station and could have been killed honestly, because he’s a black guy who wanted to use the bathroom. And the guy could have said that he put up a fight. Came to steal. And everyone would have believed him. So we ended up driving off to another gas station where my dad got to go use the restroom before getting back in the car and driving us back to our home town. Moral of the story - for all you white ass people. For all you Beckys and Brady’s and whatever the hell you are following this page and saying racism is deserved and racism is felt both ways and equally by blacks and whites- I want you to fucking think about whenever you had to feel scared or whenever you thought your life or one of your loved ones lives where in danger by just wanting to use the bathroom. Black and brown people- we have to worry about DYING when we go to the RESTROOM. The one place where we should be able to do our business and be left alone- WE HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT RACISM AND DYING ON THE WAY TO THE BATHROOMS. Feel free to leave your dumb ass comments below, and explain why that is at all right and fair. I’m honestly fucking sick of it. And I’m still in school having to deal with his bullshit that you will never understand or have to deal with.

hungry-chopsticks  asked:

Wow! They are all so interesting! Did you create the idea by yourself or did you pull from mythology and mix it with your ideas? Do you have any tips for those just starting to make OCs?

Anonymous asked: hey uh I love your art and ocs (i really like their colours and such.) I want to get into the whole ‘making ocs’ thing but I’m not that confident in them? Is there a process you go through when you make yours or do you just kind of go for it. I’m sure this sounds silly, but I feel a bit stumped.

((I saw this in my drafts and nearly screamed because I hadn’t published it yet. I’m going to go ahead and do that now pairing it with an anon ask I received yesterday. I am SO UTTERLY SORRY. ))

Under this cut there are a few tips to get started! As well as an example of how a few of my characters have grown.  I’m no expert and if you guys don’t find this helpful I encourage to go out and look into it more!

Keep reading

“Well, then I was incarcerated in prison, where I learned how to respond to an entirely different culture of people that I have never had any contact with before. I learned how to live among people who were potentially violent, who had an entirely different code of ethics and morals than I had myself. I learned how to hot-wire cars, how to use credit cards, how to hang paper, all kind of things I never knew before, and, ah, just, and I accepted it everyday—people who were rapists, murderers, bank robbers, petty thieves. Prior to my arrest in August of ‘75, I had never known any of it or even gone to jail. I mean, I was a young Republican going to law school—that was essentially my background…. I had to survive amongst an entirely different group of people, a new environment—a new, you know, I had to learn the ropes, so I learned them; I learned how to get along, how to survive.” -Ted Bundy during an interview with retired psychiatrist Dr. Emanuel Tanay 

Make It So (Let It Go/Star Trek: TNG Parody)
Rachel

Make It So (“Let It Go”/Star Trek: TNG Parody)
Inspired by this post and the fact that I've been singing “Make It So” since I first heard the song.
Lyrics and vocal by me. [Disney Blog || Main Blog]
My previous lyric re-write.

[Once again, I had to do this really fast when I was home alone and without any warm up. I’m extra sad because there’s this pause before the big note… and the pause was because I was trying not to go into a coughing fit. x.x Anyways, I’m posting it regardless because who knows when I’ll be able to record it again. I hope you enjoy the lyrics, at least, as they were SUPER fun to write! 8D]

Lyrics:
The stars shine bright across the expanse tonight
Not a Romulan to be seen
The flagship of all Starfleet
And I’m captain of this thing.

And space is silent, leaving me to all my thoughts
I must protect this crew, no matter what the cost.

Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be strong and sure like you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well, now they know.

Make it so, make it so
Can’t keep quiet any more
Make it so, make it so
Throw the rule book out the door.

I don’t care
what Starfleet will say.
Let us boldly go,
go where no man has gone before.

It’s funny how dilemmas
put morals into view.
And the rules and regulations
won’t stop me from saving you.

It’s time to see what she can do
To test her limits and break through
Mr. LaForge, let’s push her past
Warp 9!

Make it so, make it so
I am one with my crew and ship
Make it so, make it so
You’ll never see me slip

Here I stand
And here I’ll stay
Let us boldly go…

The warp core hums through the hull into my bones
My soul is in space and where it ends, no one really knows
And one thought sharpens like the Crystal Entity…
I’ll never lose my way;
I’ll fight to save the day!

Make it so, make it so
And I’ll rise like the break of dawn
Make it so, make it so
That rule book now is gone

Here I stand
In the light of the stars
Let us boldly go!
Go where no man has gone before.

anonymous asked:

Hi! This is the anon from brolinskeep's ask about Colin's role in The Fall. I would really like to read your thoughts on it, if you can spare the time to write them again. .)

For the lovely anon who asked to hear my thoughts on Colin’s role in the Fall that tumblr ate, I recreated it and made it longer (oops):  

I had no idea that people would be disappointed with Colin’s role, either the character or why he chose it. I was so pleased with it! Some of my reasons: 

1) Tom is actually shown as being intelligent. A lot of the other PSNI are “yes ma'am"ers, or average/incompetent. In contrast, on every occasion, Tom is shown to be thinking, asking the right questions, even challenging Stella a couple times. 

2) On the same note, Stella respects what he has to say, and though she might not change her mind, she IS after all, Stella Gibson, and besides for someone of Tom’s level, Detective Sergeant I think, that level of input/freedom is probably unusual (I’m not sure of the hierarchy, but I think he’s far below her in rank)

3) Stella gives him majorly important roles, considering he literally just came into the investigation. She had him arrest Spector, be the first to interrogate him, and escort him to the crime scene. She defends her choice to Burns, saying he "deserves” it. Not many higher officials on a case of this seriousness would go out of their way to promote a junior officer (if the police dept has anything like any other business’ mindset). She does, because she thinks highly of him. All that is professionally why Tom is a great character. 

4) Personally, it’s obvious to all she finds him attractive. I think one article said she looked at him like a human-sized bar of chocolate (and who would blame her)! But she refrained for two whole episodes from acting on it. It wasn’t like with Olsen, where she immediately saw him and within two minutes gave him her room #. She actually tried to be subtle about her interest (not mentioning she saw his face to Eastwood when he implied she’d be interested), and though they still had crackling chemistry, neither was unprofessional about it. So the worry a lot of fans had that she just wanted him on the team to sex him up wasn’t validated. She actually worked with him and worked well. 

5) When she actually propositioned him (and it’s such a dirty word, I dislike they used it, she really just asked him out), it was after an emotional scene that made their connection deeper than just wanting to fuck. She also was more hesitant in asking (less aggressive than with Olsen, asking Tom if it was a good or bad idea, giving away some of that unbelievable amount of female power Stella always has). I was actually glad they cut that scene (though cutting two of Colin’s scenes in two episodes was annoying), because it heightened the heart-attack inducing moment of seeing Tom in Stela’s bed (more on that later). 

6) Stella was also more open and vulnerable to Tom than almost any other character. She let him see her tears, told him her feelings about Olivia, and in the deleted scene, mentioned her father. For Stella-do I even have feelings-Gibson, that was very warm and different. I took it as this case sort of breaking her a bit, crying over Rose and Olivia, but also that in a way, she trusted Tom, to lay open that side of herself to male scrutiny and judgment. That he again didn’t respond I also liked - but was sort of supportive in his not running at the first sign of female tears. 

7) They didn’t actually show them having sex. This probably disappointed a lot of Colin fans, but I loved it. There will be other opportunities to see that. Here, it didn’t belong. You couldn’t go from talking about murders and rapists and pedophiles to two people unromantically fucking without it being cheap and wrong. By giving him a more subtle love scene (hardly even a love scene), I think they respected Tom’s character and differentiated him from Olsen (I hated that sex scene on another note). As Colin said, he was more special than a one-night stand. They instead had a beautiful scene (that music!) where they slowly panned over to seeing Tom asleep in her bed (being asleep is such a beautiful state, you’re so vulnerable and open and it’s a sign of trust to sleep in someone’s presence), and Stella staring at him. (Completely side note, was his posing intentional?? I got a sudden creepy feeling of Stella looking at a posed naked man in bed reminding me of Spector. *Shudder* I don’t want to think it, but my mind did go there). 

8) She also looked at him with a lot of emotion (you can argue over what emotion it was, longing or sadness or something else, but it was there and it was unusual for Stella). She let him sleep in her bed (she kicked Olsen out at like 2 in the morning). She clearly went back into the same bed (unless we’re supposed to assume after all that she slept on the couch!) implying she wasn’t disgusted by his presence there. And she ordered him breakfast in bed (which IMO you only do for people you want to stick around). If the phone call hadn’t interrupted them… lol jk, I’m no Allan Cubittt. She also showed up to work with him, not caring that people would notice they came together. The romantic in me sighed happily at this part.

9) She taught him a good lesson in feminism. I’ve heard sayings to the effect of you don’t try to improve people unless you see potential for better in them (horribly misquoting it but the effect is same). That she came from Spector, who is beyond redeeming, to Tom, and corrected his (possible) misconceptions, because she thought he wasn’t yet so far gone, showed to me her belief in him still being a good man. This is where my analysis goes all meta if it hasn’t already because English majors love doing things like that, but, Tom alone of all the main male characters shown, doesn’t have huge flaws. He’s not abusive, alcoholic, drug abuser, cheater, with questionable morals, corrupt, voyeuristic, forcing unwanted sexual advances, or (the obvious) a murdering psychopath (the other adjectives describe actual characters, and I’m sure there are more). This might be because he’s a small character, but his name IS third in credits, and I don’t think so. To me, Tom’s character represented innocence and maturing into a man, hopefully a good one. This show is full of examples of men being bad, so though a lot of fans were thinking/hoping Tom would be a double-crosser or a murderer himself, I think what the show really needed was a man who was GOOD, or at least, had the potential to be. (And though it was Colin, I think I can be unbiased in evaluating his character, because I haven’t loved every character he’s played though I may have liked his portrayal. If I had not liked Tom, I would think that regardless of who played him, but the fact remains, he is one of the few male characters on the show I still liked by the end.) I think it was important for Stella to feel she was guiding him (from thinking he was fascinated by Spector to actually needing to be repelled by him), especially coming from talking with the sort of depravity that was Spector. After that conversation, Tom seems to lose his fascination with Spector, and even when Spector tries to engage him in misogynistic conversation about Stella, he refuses to listen. So she’s already had some effect. This point is maybe wrong entirely (he could come back as the bad guy in series 3), but I somehow don’t think so. I think Allan wanted Colin for this role because he needed someone to play a “good” man, and well, come on, who better than Colin? He’s just got kind eyes (it’s going to devastate me when he plays a villain eventually). 

10) For people saying she went right back to ordering him around the next scene, I kind of think he was a little annoyed but also liked it (it was kind of hot, who can blame him?). It wasn’t cold, how she said it, just blunt, which is classic Stella, and she at least listened to what he had to say, and still gave him an important role (and defended her choice with a clear reference to what we are supposed to assume was a very good night!) She didn’t ignore him like she did Olsen.

11) I saw a funny pic on twitter that was Tom’s sort of betrayed expression at the end when Stella rushes to save Paul and not him, that’s captioned like “Bitch please! We had sex last night and you’re saving him??” LOL. Anyway, I think Tom wasn’t shot as badly as Paul, because Colin does a great death scene and he was being very quiet/not acting like he was dying the way Paul was. So Stella made a choice, partly based on her obsession with him (but not a sign she doesn’t care about Tom now she’s had him), and partly because I think she wanted him to be justly punished. She was walking up like she was going to punch him, she looked so angry. If Paul died after all that, so easily, I would be disappointed - after how much he made others suffer, why does he deserve an easy death? Not to mention I think it’s her job on the line if she let him leave the prison and something happened like this. She DID look at Tom at least twice, I might have missed more, but the camera just wasn’t focusing on anyone else. Dani Ferrington was attending to Tom, and he was far more coherent than Paul, so he was first priority, but I disagree completely with people who think, well that was a short romance. 

12) For people who think she really wanted Tom because she secretly wanted Spector, that’s sick, in a way the rest of this show has actually not been. I don’t see The Fall as misogynistic the way a lot of people do, I see it as actually deeply feminist. Everything Stella says and does is so female empowering, and she spouts a lot of feminist rhetoric. Most of the male characters are flawed (so are the female, but not in the same way). Yes, some women were victims, but they were never portrayed as deserving it because they were women or asking for it (like a lot of the violence against women around the world is). Also, Stella specifically said that was absolutely not the case for her, and I don’t think she’s lied once (haven’t been keeping track though, so I might be wrong there). She’s got no REASON to lie. She’s already fucked him, she could kick him out at any time, she doesn’t have to sit there and explain herself to him or defend herself. That she chooses to not get defensive and instead get philosophical was tremendous writing, and again testament to Tom’s character’s importance. Olsen barely got two sentences out of her. Tom got so much of her attention, regard, respect. 

So for all those reasons, I thought Tom’s character was incredibly written, very important, and not ordinary at all. I was very pleased for Colin that Allan wrote this role with him in mind, because I was a little worried that Allan would just make him some seedy character just around for eye candy and cursing a couple hundred times. It wasn’t surprising to me at all that Colin would accept this role (and of course people have mentioned breakfast in bed with Gillian and all the close contact with Jamie (handcuffs! *dies*) so there’s that slightly less elevated angle as well. He deserves the fun too!) and I’m super glad he did. I already loved The Fall before he joined, and I really hope they do a third series with him in it again, because it is all kinds of brilliant! 

Sorry for the essay, TLDR: Tom Anderson was epic and awesome and you should feel happy not disappointed! :)