where has this show been my whole life

Beware the rant/vent below

So i dont know why im writing this, or why anyone would care most likely no one will even read this so i might as well just get this out. I’ve had anxiety for my whole life but it has only gotten really bad in the last handful of years, and recently when it has gotten almost unbearable. It has gotten to the point where this blog and my ability to escape into music and GMW, all the other tv shows and everything else i do on here is the only thing i have thats making me happy and i am so grateful for that. I’m not unfamiliar with sadness, depression, loneliness thats been my whole life since i was 10 years old and it didnt get bad until i was 14 and started to do and say some terrible things to myself and when my mom found out she talked to me like i was just confused and needed to be fixed as soon as possible, not like her daughter who just wanted someone to see her and hear her and too just know that she wasnt okay. So she sent me to a therapist who talked to me like i was a child and got me too point at smiley faces and frowny faces to tell her how i was feeling, ultimatly it worked i stopped hurting myself we all continued on with our lives never speaking of it again. I was happy again.

Until now, i am 17 years old i am about to start my very last year of high school and that is suppose to be an exciting and happy time but its not. Because all i can think about is the pressure to get a job and barely graduate high school all while having people shove questions about university and the rest of my life down my throat and i cant breathe. My anxiety is worse than its ever been, i get panic/anxiety attacks so strong im basically paralyzed for as long as it takes for my body and mind to calm down enough for me to stop shaking. I sit in my room listening to my family tell me that i need to make friends and go out and wondering how they dont understand that that is exactly what i want too but just the thought of being rejected or ignored is enough to dissolve me into a puddle of blankets and tears that make me never want to move or breath again. How my mom told me last night about this trip she wants to plan for us to go to london and ireland in october which she knows has been my dream for as long as i can remember, but the only way i can go is if i get a job and pay for my half on my own. So she made this plan about how she will take me in the morning to go apply in person which i have told her repeatedly that im not ready for, that im not comfortable with being put in that kind of situation just yet, but she doesnt care she thinks that the way to get my anxiety to disapear is too put me in situations over and over again that are completly out of my comfort zone. i try very hard to make it clear to my family the things i can and cant do and how i would be willing to try and do things that are out of my comfort zone, most of the time it involves a lot of help and taking my time but they don’t ever do it. Because to them my anxiety and my sadness is nothing but an inconvenience that needs to stop as soon as possible and there is only so much of that, that one person can take. I love my family with all my heart and they are all i really have, i just need to feel like im being heard and that there is someone on my side who wants to help me solve my problems instead of silencing them.

if anyone is actually reading this im not going to hurt myself or do anything like that and im sorry if this is at all triggering to anyone i am sorry that was not my intention. I just needed to get this out.


Royal Viridian 

Lexa is an Australian actress cast for her role of Alycia Taylor in the new LGTBQ series Royal Viridian.

Clarke is the illustrator of the project and they are in pre-production of the show. Indra, the art director of Heda Production Company makes her attend the preliminary  read through script meetings. Where Clarke finds herself a little unprepared to meet the green eyed girl.

’ those lips ’

’ ohmygod ’

’ don’t say my name  ’

’ for fucks sake! ’


Clarke inadvertently becomes a spy and discovers a secret that has been underground for centuries. Lexa never knew she’s been trained for this her whole life.

My thoughts on the S4 trailer

OK so first off, devastated sherlock:

Sherlock is like, almost immune to feelings, or at least to showing them, so that has to be something really terrible, he’s seeing. It seems to be connected to the clip where the nurses wheel in the hospital bed. Sherlock would only look that upset if 2 people’s lives were in danger: John’s or Mycroft’s. I know, I know, Mycroft?? But at the same time, Mycroft has been with him his whole life and secretly supported him in almost everything and always tried to look out for him. Sherlock knows that like 100%, even if he doesn’t show it. At the same time John is Sherlock’s best friend and no matter if you believe or care about Johnlock or not, Sherlock loves John more than anyone else in the world.

We get two shots of Sherlock almost crying, and in both of them, he has stubble, which is not a normal thing for him. He usually keeps himself presentable and well groomed. This suggests one of 3 things: 

  1. That he has been under emotional pressure for a couple days
  2. That he has been out and about on a mission where shaving wasn’t possible
  3. That he has been undercover (possibly as a junkie) again

Personally, I believe in the first one the most.

Now let’s take a look at the background. There isn’t much information to gain here, but there is one thing I noticed. There are doors behind him made out of metal, with small windows in them. The doors are placed quite closely together. This seems unusual for a hospital, in my opinion and I get more of a morgue or prison feeling from it (though I could be wrong). Of these two options I’m leaning more towards a morgue, because what could make Sherlock looks so upset in a prison?

Watching the trailer again, I noticed the soundtrack they put on this part. It’s Toby Jones’ laughter. It seems sick and cruel and it hit me that Sherlock might be in a mental hospital. Perhaps one for very dangerous people. However, he seems to be outside the cells and not in them. It was just a thought, but it seems to fit better than a hospital, morgue or prison.

John’s silhouette in front of a hospital bed:

There is no question that it’s John. The questions that should be asked are a) who is in the bed and b) where are they? My first thought on question a was Mary, because she was having a baby. But if you look at the medical equipment, you can clearly see that it’s not normal stuff for having a baby. Of course, something could have gone wrong with the birth and either Mary or Baby Watson or both are in danger.

To be honest, I don’t think it’s Sherlock. He was so close to dying in the last season that I don’t think they would do it all over again. Not that I don’t think Moftiss aren’t evil enough, more because repeating a plot device, doesn’t really seem like them (unless you count the fake suicides).

A side note on John’s posture for this point is that he is standing upright. While he kinda seems to be leaning forward a bit, he isn’t slumping and his head isn’t hanging. For most people I would say that this suggests that they are ok, but with John I’m not so sure. He does very well when under emotional pressure, so it might suggest that he is very upset, rather than the opposite. I have no clue whether it is at all relevant or not.

Now question b is tricky as well. While it’s definitely medical equipment, the wall behind is made of wood and looks fancy and expensive. Could be a private hospital, but who (of the people john would come to see, if they were in the hospital) would end up in a private hospital? I know Mycroft has he money for it, but then again, that would suggest it was Sherlock in the bed, and as I already pointed out, I don’t think that’s very likely.

Another possibility is that it could be someone’s home, but I don’t really believe that. Who would own such expensive medical equipment? It could have been bought, but buying medical equipment takes time and can’t be done spontaneously. Unless this is a person who is very, very sick and has been so for a long time, I don’t believe it’s in someone’s private home. This is also supported by what is on the table in the right side of the frame. It’s a lamp and a phone. No personal belongings at all. No flowers, cards or anything. And the phone is not a mobile phone, it’s like a house phone or a landline. All this suggests a more professional place, opposed to a private one. Which again brings me to a hospital, but what would be the point of a private hospital instead of a public one?

We have never really seen Harry, and we know her and John don’t get along, but wouldn’t John go see his sister if she was in the hospital, possibly dying? And then again, while Harry is an alcoholic and can easily end up in a hospital, why such a fancy place?


Both Mary and John are very clearly suntanned, however no one else seems to be. This suggests that the two of them went somewhere together, without the others, or maybe both went without the other one knwing. Someone on Tumblr mentioned Morocco, but personally my first thought was Afghanistan. John fought in Afghanistan, and who knows where Mary has been.

We do see Mary twice, though we don’t know it the first time. Both times her head is covered on the same shawl or scarf and we see her with a gun, and in the 2nd shot we see that her hair is dyed a dark color. She is obviously in a warmer climate, and has probably dyed her hair to blend in with the locals. The gun suggests that she is on a mission, or at least that she has stumbled across a dangerous place. I wouldn’t put it past Mary to carry a gun with her at all times.

If Mary doesn’t have the baby in the first episode, we must assume she had it between seasons 3 and 4. While seasons of Sherlock do extend over quite a long period of time, John is tan in the clip where Toby Jones is talking to him and Sherlock in a car. I read somewhere that Toby Jones isn’t seen until the 2nd episode, so this would suggest that they either travel in the 2nd or that the 1st and 2nd episode are very close in time. But if they do travel in the 1st  episode, Mary must have had her baby between seasons. I know she’s tough, but having a baby really isn’t good on your body, and I don’t believe she would be going out on a mission a few weeks afterwards.

The back of Moriarty’s head:

From setlock pictures and just simply googling Andrew Scott’s head to see his head shape, I have convinced myself that it is definitely Moriarty. Either this is a part of some kind of flashback, or he really has come back. I don’t know which one of these is more likely. If it is a flashback, we almost need someone to have been at that place, who remembers it (again, who knows where Mary has been?), but if he has really come back, there are some many more possibilities, that I don’t know where to begin.

One thing that I think is unlikely, but would be fucking mind blowing was, if it turned out to be the Richard Brook from The Reichenbach Fall. That would completely mess with me and be cool twist to the story. But then again, it is predictable, and Moftiss are never predictable.

The figure in the rain:

Someone is running around at night in what seems to be a churchyard, in a black (or very dark) raincoat while it is pouring down rain. And it’s not just raining, there is lightning and thunder. This person must have a very good reason to be in a churchyard during a storm. (Or it could just be a dramatic effect?) The person has a flashlight and definitely seems to be rushing about or looking for something or someone. It’s not possible to tell who the person is, but the figure seems to be of a normal to slim built and not very tall. To me it looks like a woman, but I could be wrong, as we don’t get any very clear shot at them. This short clip rises two questions and I can’t answer either of them:

  1. Who is this?
  2. What are they looking for?

Later on, we see a door. It’s raining, and someone’s hand is shining a flashlight at the door. This is most likely the same person. The door says “no entry” so they are trying to get into a place they aren’t allowed, but I think they found what they were looking for.

The swimming pool

I know we are all thinking the same thing: The Great Game (s1e3), the swimming pool scene. And Moftiss aren’t stupid. They knew exactly what we would think when we saw that swimming pool, so they either did it to tease us or to give us a clue. It is clearly not the same swimming pool as in TGG, that much is for sure. This one has wallpaper and chairs, and looks much more luxurious. It clearly belongs to either like a club or hotel or to a private person.

We see Sherlock turning away from the swimming pool, and I have no idea what this means. Perhaps it is predicting that he will be placed in a situation similar to the one at the end of TGG, but will be the one to back down.

The wallpaper with trees on kinda makes me think about the clip of the figure in the rain where we saw lots of trees. Maybe Sherlock is also searching for something or feeling rushed and uneasy.

Bill Wiggins

Ok, so most of us guessed that Billy would be a re-occurring character after he appeared a few times in His Last Vow. But I always expected him to be a nice person who was on Sherlock’s side. However the shot we get of him suggests otherwise.

First I wasn’t even sure it was him. We don’t even see him for half a second, and he looks way more healthy than in HLV, which suggests that he is off drugs. Or maybe that he was never on them. But it is Billy, and he looks quite a bit upset to say the least. He’s shown in quite a creepy manner, looking around a corner or a window or something of the like and his eyes look very menacing. He looks very angry, but also hurt, which is what makes him so scary, because you have no idea what he’s going to do.

We saw in HLV that Billy knows at least a little bit of deduction. He must have taught himself, because Sherlock seems very surprised, when Billy deduces John’s shirt. This means that, while he might not be as smart as Sherlock and Mycroft (C’mon, who is?), he is still very intelligent. I have even read theories about him being the 3rd Holmes brother. There was never any confirmation of one, but it was hinted at by Mycroft in HLV.  If you dig a little (a very simple Google search), you will find that ACD had a 3rd Holmes bother in mind, Sherrinford Holmes, who was never realized. However, he was supposed to be the oldest and by far the smartest of the three. If he ever shows up on the show, I believe he will be a quite interesting character, even if he might not be one of the good guys. (Side note: A lot of people want him to be played by Tom Hiddleston, but I don’t think that will happen, because Tom does not at all look older than Mark Gattiss, and they always have people looking their age on Sherlock.)

So Bill might just be Bill. If so, he has got to be some sort of plot device, and the easy guess here is that he is gonna betray Sherlock in some way. Like, maybe it turns out he was spying for Moriarty or Magnussen. Or maybe a third party.

The cars:

The first clip we get of the cars is a a red sportscar being chased by a police car. The license plate on the police car can be read (EK15 KYT), but the one on the sportscar can’t.

A few seconds later we see John driving a car, and he seems to be going very fast. It’s impossible to see what car he is in, but it is night time, and there are lights outside. I believe he is in a city or at least a town. Also, he looks very nervous. This could suggest that he is the one being chased.

Right afterwards we see 2 cars crashing into one another right on a curb. We get a tiny glimpse at a license plate, and it clearly starts with an E. The next letter could be either X or K. The shot is very blurry. While it is also night in this shot, it looks like the cars are near a forest, or in the countryside.

Then we see an explosion involving at least one car. The plate of this car is EX05 UJN. We can’t really tell the color of this car, because of the light from the explosion.

I can’t deduce much of this, except that either the police car or the car in the explosion crashed into another car in the countryside.