where do i get this shit

( @sixpenceee  Thought I’d share this for some reason. I love creepy things ^_^ )
Me and my one cousin came across this lone doll leg at the park near where I live (Windham Centre, Ontario). Besides the leg, there were cotton fluffs scattered all around the park (Possibly the doll’s insides). Makes you wonder whether some kids were having too much fun, or if coyotes or other wildlife were responsible for its demise since we do get some around the area.

I will literally never stop loving that scene where Jack admits he still has a thing for Elizabeth and Henry fucking wrecks him.

Because I know, and probably most women who went to see that movie know, how agravating it is having a dudebro™ that keeps pestering you for your affections even when you’re in a relationship and don’t even want anything to do with him. And seeing the son of Elizabeth and the unironic nice guy she loved, completly destroy Jack’s expectations about Elizabeth feels so releaving for me. I might never get back at the dudebro who pestered me, but I sure as shit will share in Elizabeth’s victory.

Okay guys, it’s been less than 6 months since my shenanigans started rolling onto your dashes and now 400 of you want to see my shit apparently. I don’t know what to say at this point, usually there’s a point where the flow of followers kinda just starts to stop coming, but you guys just keep coming. I can’t thank all my partners enough for coming and wanting to write with me even when I’m slow as hell and even those who just want to read my stuff, thanks for the support!

As usual I’m putting it under a cut because it gets LOOOOOOONG. If I forget one of you it’s not on purpose, i love you too. 

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alien covenant au where david’s relationship with the neomorphs is the same as it is between a pet owner and a reptile

  • ‘don’t jump out of my hands again, don’t do it, i know you can jump but i’m trying to carry you’ 
  • ‘oh shit you’re climbing up the walls again… don’t make me climb up there and get you…’ 
  • ‘stop licking my hands they aren’t food’ 
  • ‘my hair is not the place for you to be please stop’ 
  • *watches them hunting* ‘good job you can do it oh.. you missed.. try again… i love you’
  • *watches them attack and eat a living thing* ‘YOU’RE DOING GREAT’

im so so close to collecting all their korean albums (ˊ̥̥̥̥̥ ³ ˋ̥̥̥̥̥)

One thing I do wanna say! I think we tend to live in a fandom bubble where shit gets a lot more magnified then it needs be. Most people don’t pay attention to the day to day or even really give that many fucks, so outside of our fandom bubble, most things fall under the “Naht That Serious” category - except for this kitten right here in a gold chain which is extremely serious and deserves your attention immediately

alright when someone comes at me saying something like “why do you even want keith and lance to end up together? they are barely friendly with each other” like, i get it, you are probably completely focused on their bickering and just kinda…gloss over the moments where it is so very obvious they care about each other. and not everyone sees the potential between them, anyways. that’s cool. but when you say that and then proceed to hit me with “keith and allura would make much more sense” i just???? what??? bitch WHERE? after season 2, i am positive they care about each other (i just personally think it’s only platonic, especially since i’m very attached to the gay!keith headcanon, i don’t feel right shipping him with girls myself) but how are they any more friendly with each other than keith and lance?? they’ve literally…barely interacted 1-on-1 throughout the whole show so far. is it bc they hugged? bc allura apologized for her behavior towards keith? lmao bc that wasn’t even written well. she  was completely justified in how she was feeling.  keith didn’t even bother to ask how allura was feeling and he didn’t even bother to apologize himself. they were both in the wrong in ways and it was handled very poorly and i do not see how that portrays a good relationship. i’m sorry but i just, personally, cannot see how keith and allura makes more sense than keith and lance. how can someone think keith and lance are barely friendly with each other but think keith and allura are friendly?? did you watch the show Dude

New Here 1

Pairing: Jackson Wang x Mark Tuan x reader

Genre: fluff

Warnings: strong language

Summary: It’s your first time in Korea and can barely speak any Korean at all. Until you meet two very friendly men neither fully Korean. One from Hong Kong and one from the USA where you’re from. But things take an unexpected turn.

“Yah! Where the hell do i go?” You say to yourself. “I really should’ve learned more Korean before coming here.” You say to yourself. As you’re aimlessly walking around trying to discover where you are and how the hell you get back to your apartment you walk into someone. “I’m really sorry I don’t-” you look over to see a handsome young men. You realize that he might not speak English. “Shit umm.. 안녕하세요 (hello) 죄송하지만 저는 한국어를 잘 하지 못해요. (I’m sorry my Korean is bad) 하지만 지금 한국어를 공부중이에요. (I am still learning.)” he smiles at you. “For still learning it isn’t that bad.” His fluency in English surprises you. “You speak English very fluently. Are you not from Korea?” You ask. “I learned Korean considering I-.. I’m from Hong Kong.” He says. He’s stuttering makes you suspicious. But you pay it no mind. He may just be shy. “Well hello, do you have a name?” You smile at him. He smiles back “my name is Jackson. And you?” Jackson.. you’ve heard that name from a KPOP group. You don’t pay any mind and think of it as coincidence. “Nice to meet you Jackson I’m y/n.” You reach out and shake is hand. “Are you having trouble navigating?” He asks. You smile sheepishly. “A bit. Would you be able to take me to Seoul by any chance?” You ask. He smiles and nods. You thank him and walk with him towards Seoul.
On your way there he shows you places around and helps you learn more words and understand more Korean. Your first day and you already made a new friend. Once you finally see your building you thank him for his help. “Thank you so much Jackson. I would’ve never gotten home without you.” You smile at him. “It was my pleasure y/n.” He smiles at you. “Do you by chance have any way for me to contact you again?” He asks shyly. You smile. “Yes, let me see your phone.” You say. He gives it to you and you put in your number. “Text me any time.” You hand him his phone and smile. “Will do y/n.” He said smiling. “Seeya later Jackson.” You wave as you enter the building. He smiles and walks away. You smile like the Cheshire Cat all the way to your apartment. Not a second later do you hear your phone go off.

Jackson: surprise!
You: I didn’t expect you to text me so soon!
Jackson: did you not want me to?
You: no no! That’s not it, I just didn’t think you actually wanted to speak to me again.
Jackson: :0 are you crazy!? Of course I would. You make me feel normal
“What does he mean by that? He is normal.” You say to yourself.
You: you are normal.
Jackson: yeah to you lol
You: shhhhh
Jackson: neverrrr
You: I’m going to sleep lol. I’ll text you tomorrow Jackson.
Jackson: alright goodnight y/n. :)
You: goodnight Jackson

You smile as you get ready for bed. “I can’t believe I already made a new friend..” you say to yourself. You smile and then brush your teeth. You get under the covers and fall into a peaceful sleep.

“She’s perfect..” you think to yourself. “What’s go you in such a trance?” Your friend mark says. “I met somebody from the US. She was adorable and tried so hard to pronounce her Korean correctly. She’s still learning but it’s not that bad.” You explain to Mark. He rolls his eyes. “Well shush I’m tired and you’re keeping me up with all your giddy laughter and such.” He says grumpy. “Yes please go to sleep. You’re grumpy and it annoys me.” You say with humor laced in your voice. Mark flips you off and you laugh. “Love ya too dude.” You laugh st him. “Fuck you.” He laughs while he says it. “You would wouldn’t you?” You retort. “Fuck that!” He shoots right back. You both burst into laughter. “Will you two shut the fuck up. People are trying to sleep you asshats. Goddamn..” you and Mark laugh. “Sorry Jinyoung..” you laugh. “Just go to bed before JB gets in here.” Jinyoung warns. You and mark shoot each other a scared look and lay down and sleep. Jinyoung smirks and leaves. “What an ass.” You add. “I heard that you little shit.” Jinyoung says. You laugh quietly.


You wake to messages from Jackson.

Jackson: goodmorning sleeping beauty.
Jackson: wake uppppppppp.
Jackson: you sleep in really late you know.
Jackson: text me when you wake up.
You: bro it’s not even that late in the day.
Jackson: it lives!
You: don’t push it brat lol
Jackson: alright alright lol. What’re you doing today? Nothing okay good you’re gonna hang out with me and some friends today.
You: alright I guess I have no choice.
Jackson: nope.
You: lol alright I’ll see you in a bit.
Jackson: I’ll be over in an hour.
You: alright see you then.

You start digging through your closet for something to wear. Why are you so excited to see him again? Who knows but you know it’s gonna be a good day today.

A/N: okay I don’t even fucking speak Korean let alone type it so Idk if that’s the proper writing of it so please don’t hate me I just got it from online. Ive been trying my hardest to continue to learn Korean but I’ve had a lot going on so please don’t be to harsh on me with that. Anyways this is another shitty series except with got7 now. Send me feedback

Steven Universe Trial Theory


So me and my friend were talking while watching the new Steven universe and the trial really got you thinking.

That Zircon brought up some big shit, where was pink’s court while she was attacked? And how did rose get up there with her court there?

Maybe a Diamond did break pink! I don’t think Blue did it, but perhaps Yellow did or even White Diamond. What do we know about white? And also, yellow seemed a bit too defensive about what that Zircon said.

Here’s something I thought about, maybe Pink was starting to care for the earth also while Rose had made the rebellion.

Maybe White or Yellow thought Pink was weak for showing empathy to a planet and she couldn’t do her duties.

Think about it, what WOULD get Pink Diamond out of her palanquin? What was that important to get a diamond to come out? Another diamond seems like the only thing to get her to step out and be worth her time.

And a Diamond seems like the only one to shut up Pinks entire court and with Rose causing the rebellion, they would have someone to blame for it.
And the loyal ones watching, wouldn’t open their mouths in fear of being shattered.

Yellow diamonds reaction to Zircon was a bit too rash, Blue was surprised but she didn’t go into a rage because of it. Yellow got up and poofed both Zircons which blue told her to calm down.

My friend said that Yellow seemed more in denial than Grief, like Blue and she did. Why is Yellow not in more grief than blue? She seems more like she wants to just shatter rose and be over it, while Blue seems to want answers.

So what DID happen to Pink? Did rose really shatter her?

anonymous asked:

what r ur drunk sas & nard headcanons


i think naruto and sasuke are actually really really similar in the ways they act while drunk which is that theyre dumb as shit. in general i think the two have really similar personalities in a lot of aspects and alcohol just kinda amplifies those qualities which means: 

-they both have really dumb senses of humor in the way where literally only they think theyre funny and the two of them end up laughing really really hard with each other at jokes about poop 

-naruto just becomes louder and more likely to fight things and likes to take on dares and do bad pranks

-sasuke doesnt really get louder but he does get more impulsive and will punch someone out for talking too loud in his ear because he has no patience and ends up dragged out of bars for trying to fight someone way bigger than him

-naruto gets really emotional but in a good way where he just really loves all his friends

-when hes by himself sasuke gets emotional but in a bad way. sometimes when he drinks he gets really quiet and stuck in his thoughts. likes drinking w naruto and sakura bc theyre loud and fun 


anonymous asked:

I think i hate Scott's and all that true alpha bullshit so much is throughout so much of the tw series and even some parts of the fandom hated on Derek so much. Yes, Derek is older (notbymuchhonestly) and a born wolf but he went through SO MUCH and lost almost his whole family. Everybody felt the need to say shit about him even after he did his best to keep them safe where Scott gets lucky, honestly. Lets not forget the fact Scott forced derek to bite Gerard. I' not saying Derek is perfect but..

Derek ended up having a more cohesive hero journey than Scott is having. He’s introduced as a shady character with a tragic past. He becomes alpha. He fucks up. People die because of him. He gives away his alpha power to save his sister’s life, and then suddenly he’s able to do a full shift. That’s a hero’s journey. He makes mistakes and he redeems himself. 

Scott hasn’t done that yet. Scott was made True Alpha…and then what? He didn’t do anything to earn that status as far as anyone can tell. At that point he certainly hadn’t sacrificed anything more than anyone else. 

I think Season 5 was an attempt to remedy that, but it was only partially successful. We saw Scott hit rock bottom and rise up again, sure, but we haven’t really seen any evidence that it’s changed him. And it should have changed him. Except in Season 6 he’s still running reactive instead of proactive. He hasn’t learned, and that’s the fault of the writers for not giving him a decent character arc. 

Derek was a traditional hero. Scott isn’t, yet. 

Our group had just set up camp in a haunted graveyard, huddled together around a small fire. While food cooked and people began to settle down, our Tiefling bard (me) decided to play on the atmosphere and tell a scary story.

Bard (me) OOC: Can I tell “man door hand hook car door”?

DM: Make it period-appropriate and you’re good.

Bard: One night, a man and his wench go out for a carriage ride under the moonlight. They stop at on the side of the road, and he turns to his wench and says: 

“Darling, I love you very much.”

“What is it, honey?”

“Our horse has stopped moving. I think its leg is broken. I’ll walk to get it some food.”

“Okay, I’ll stay here and look after our guitar. There has been word in the town of guitars being stolen.”

“Good idea. Keep the carriage doors locked no matter what. I love you sweaty.”

So the man left to get oats for the horse. After two hours the wench says, “Where is my gentleman? He was supposed to be back by now.”

Then, the wench hears a scratching sound, and a voice saying “LET ME IN.”

The wench doesn’t do it, and after awhile goes to sleep. The next morning she wakes up and finds her man still not there. She gets out to check and man door hand hook carriage door. 

It’s a [Tinder] Date! (Part 1/3)

Summary: Thinking he needs to find a date, Natasha signs Steve up to Tinder. In Queens, Peter Parker does the same to you. It’s a match! 

Word Count: 1,723

A/N: This is already planned out and written (in my head). I loved writing this.

Originally posted by imaginingbucky

Nat raised a brow, a mysterious curve to her smile. Steve was immediately suspicious. He felt his shoulders stiffen and his back straighten. He knew he looked like he had a stick up his ass, but he couldn’t help himself. Not when Natasha looked like the cat that had eaten the canary, and wanted to get caught.

“You left your phone on the coffee table,” she said. Her tone was relaxed, which made Steve more nervous.

His eyes narrowed. “What did you do, Romanoff?” he questioned, broad arms crossing over an equally-broad chest.

She merely shrugged before she turned her right-hand palm-up and relaxing it. Steve’s phone was revealed. “See for yourself.”

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Plagiarism Alert

Alrighty, I am going to try and write this as eloquently as possible, but this is clearly what happens when I deal with things nicely. Some of you may remember that last year, user RugiRugi on asianfanfics stole my oneshot “Bad Girl” verbatim, simply changing the idol and posting it as her own. After being confronted, she claimed she shared the account with another writer who copied it. She removed the fic and issued me an apology, which I accepted. I decided to check her other fics and found she had also copied my oneshot “Lucky,” changed the idol again, and posted it word for word. She took that one down as well, after I confronted her, again claiming it was the person she shared the account with who had posted it.

Now, it has come to my attention that a oneshot of hers (link) posted this year is very similar to my Jaebum drabble (link). After reading it, it’s obvious she stepped up her game and copied my drabble, switched it to Namjoon and added an extra intro (which may be copied too - who knows), and then changed a couple words around. Not only am I infuriated with myself for not blocking this thief last year, now I’m agitated because when people do this, our usual Google searches to check for copied fics are shot to hell. Literally, our main source of spending potential writing time scouring the web for our stolen material has been taken away when a few words are changed.

I was going to handle this quietly, but I’m angry. This person literally stole from me a third time (posting her story a whopping 4 days after I posted the original) and chose to be sneaky by changing words around in an attempt to not get caught. This shows she has no remorse for stealing and that whole speech of another writer sharing the account and was the only one who plagiarized is complete and utter horse shit. To my fellow writers, please check this user’s other fics to make sure you haven’t been stolen from as well.

Thank you again to the user who brought this to my attention. Readers, if you ever feel like you’re reading a fic that seems too familiar, please contact the authors. In many cases, you are our only means of finding plagiarized material and you will never know how much we rely on you and what it means to writers when you look out for us. This shit hurts, it crushes our morale, and literally makes us reconsider posting any writing at the thought of anyone hitting copy and paste then slapping their own name on it for credit and recognition.

Listen, if you can’t write, don’t fucking write. Take up knitting or try to learn an instrument. Changing a few words doesn’t make it yours. Stealing phrases or paragraphs isn’t harmless, it’s still stealing! And if you’re copying entire fics, you’re lazy and/or desperate for attention. Get a pet. If you legitimately want to write and aren’t happy with the quality of your own work, practice until it gets better. That’s what the rest of us do. There is no cheat sheet or short cut; writing is hard work. Don’t EVER steal someone else’s creation.

If I were on mobile, this would be where I place a middle finger emoji. I’m so fucking sick of this shit.

Japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it’s ♪♫ beautiful ♫♪.
In the year negative a billion, Japan might not have been here. In the year negative forty thousand, it was here, and you could walk to it, and some people walked to it. Then it got warmer, some icebergs melted, it became an island, and now there’s lots of ♫ trees ♫. Because it’s warmer.
So now there’s people on the island; they’re basically sort of hanging out in between the mountains eating nuts off trees and using the latest technology. Like stones, and bowls.
Ding dong, it’s the outside world, and they have technology from the future. Like really good metal, and ♪ crazy rice farms ♪. Now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. That means if you own the farm, then you own a lot of food, which is something everybody needs to survvvvive. So that makes you king.
Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread all across the land, all the way to here. The most important kingdoms were here (Hi), here (Chikushi), here (Izumo), here (Kibi), here (Yamato), here (Koshi), and here (Kenu). But this one (Yamato) was the most most important, ruled by a heavenly superperson, or emperor for short.
Knock knock, get the door, it’s religion. The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion 🎺🎺🎺 (Buddhism) from Baekje.
“Please try this religion,” he said.
“No,” said everybody.
“Try iiiiit,” he said.
“no,” said everybody again, quieter this time.
And so the religion was put into place and all the rules that came with it.
Then, the government was taken over by another clique (Taika). And they made some reforms , like making the government govern more, and making the government more like China’s government, which is a government that governs more.
“Hi China,” they said.
“Hi dipshit (wa, dwarf),” said China.
“Can you call us something else, other than dipshit?” said Japan.
“Like what?” said China.
♫♪"How about sunrise laaand?“♪♫ said Japan.
And they stole China’s alphabet and wrote a book. About themselves! And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves.
Then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while, right here (Kyoto, Heian Palace). And they conquered the north finally, get that squared away.
A rich hipster named Kūkai is bored with modern Buddhism and visits China, learns a better version which is more ♫♪ spiritual ♪♫, comes back, reinvents the alphabet, and causes art and literature to be ♫♪ great ♪♫ for a long time. And the royal palace turned into such a dreamworld of art that they really didn’t give a shit about running the country.
So if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit, from criminals? ♫♪ Hire a samurai. ♪♫ Everyone started hiring samurai. Rich important people hired samurai. Poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai. The samurai became organized and powerful, more powerful than the government. So they made their own military government, right here. They let the emperor still be emperor, but the shogun was actually in control.
Breaking news, the Mongols have invaded China.
"W̛e҉’ve i͟nv̕aded ̵Chi͠na̸,” said the Mongols, “Pl͘e̶a̷se̵ ͝res͢p̛ȩc̷t u͢s҉,͜ or͜ el̕se w͞e ͟m̛igh͟t ͠i͝nvade͡ ̕y͜o̕u̕ ͡a͡s̕ ̡well̀.̢”
“Okay,” said Japan.
So the Mongols came over, ready for war, and died in a tornadotyphoon. But they tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese, but then died in a tornadotyphoon.
Then the emperor overthrows the shogunate, then the shogunate overthrows him back and moves to Kyoto, and makes a new shogunate. And the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that’s fine.
♫♪ Now there’s more art. ♪♫
Like painting with less colors, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers.
It’s time for who’s going to be the next shogun. Usually it’s the shogun’s kid, but the shogun doesn’t have a kid. So he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. He says okay. But then the shogun has a kid. So now who’s it gonna be? Vote now on your phones. And everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. The shogun actually didn’t care, he was off somewhere doing poetry. And the whole country broke into pieces. Everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it’s anybody’s game.
Knock knock, it’s Europe. No, they’re not here to take over, they just wanna sell some shit. Like clocks, and guns, and ♫♪ Jesus ♪♫. So that’s cool. But everyone’s still fighting each other for control. Now with guns! And wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital, which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them? This clan (Imagawa) is ready to make a run for it, but first they have to trample this smaller clan (Oda) which is in the way. Surprise, smaller clan wins! And the leader of that clan (Oda Nobunaga) steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital. And it goes very well.
He’s about halfway through conquering Japan when someone who works for him kills him, then someone else who works for him (Toyotomi Hideyoshi) kills them, and that guy finishes conquering Japan. And then he confiscated everybody’s swords. And he made some rules.
“Ąnd͟ n͟ow I'̛m̶ goińg̡ to ͘inva͞d̨e ͝Kor͟e͡a,̵ an͝d͢ ̶the̴n h͜op̷ef̕ull͏y ̵Chin͢a̛,” he said, and failed, and also died.
But before he died, he told these five guys to take care of his five year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of Japan. And the five guys said yeah right, it’s not gonna be this kid, it’s gonna be one of us. ‘Cause we’re grownups. And it’s probably gonna be this guy (Tokugawa Ieyasu) who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others.
A lot of people support him, but a lot of people (Ishida Mitsunari) support not supporting him. They have a fight, and he wins. And starts a new government, right here. ♫♪ Edo ♫♪ And he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor, and have very nice things. But don’t get confused, this (Tokugawa family) is the new government. And they are very strict, so strict they close the country. No one can leave, and no one can come in. Except for the Dutch, if they wanna buy and sell shit, but they have to do it right here (Dejima).
Now that the entire country was not at war with itself, the population increased a lot. Business increased, schools were built, roads were built, everyone learned to read, books were published. There was poetry (haiku), plays (kabuki), sexytimes, puppet shows (bunraku), and Dutch studies. People started to study European science from books they bought from the Dutch. We’re talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, and maybe even electricity.
Over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow do-
*impending doom music*
Knock knock. It’s the United States. With huge boats. With guns. Gunboats.
“O͜pe͡ņ,̨ t͡he͏ ͘c̷o̷ưntry. ͠S̛t͜o̡p̛,̵ ҉ha͠v̀in͜g̷ i͝t̀ ͝be̴ ́clo͞sed.̢” said the United States.
*music ends*
There was really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets United States, Britain, and Russia visit Japan anytime they want.
Chōshu and Satsuma hated this. “That sucks!” they said. “This sucks!!!”
And with almost very little outside help, (from Britain) they overthrew the shogunate. And somehow made the emperor the emperor again, and moved him to Edo, which they renamed eastern capital (Tokyo). They made a new government, which was a lot more Western. And they made a new constitution, which was.. pretty Western. And a military that was… pretty Western (large).
And do you know what else is Western? That’s right, it’s conquering stuff. So what can we conquer? Korea! They conquer Korea, taking it from its previous owner, China, and then go a little bit further (Liaodong Peninsula).
And Russia rushes in out of nowhere and says, “Stop no you can’t do that we were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.” And Russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shitton of soldiers. Then, when the railroad was done, they downgraded to a fuckton. Did I say downgrade? I meant upgrade.
And Japan says, “Can you maybe chill?”
And Russia says, “How 'bout maybe you chill?”
Japan is kind of scared of Russia. You’ll never guess who's alsokind of scared of Russia. Great Britain! So Japan and Great Britain make an alliance together so they can be a little less scared of Russia. Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia, but just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop.
♫♪ It’s time for World War I ♪♫
The world is about to have a war. Because it’s the 1900s, and weapons are getting crazy, and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. Meanwhile, Japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants m̵͡͝͝o͏̨̨̢͢o͏͏̵̧̕ơ̢̢͜͜o͠͏͢ó͘o̶̢̧ó̷͝͠o͝͡o̧͘r̨̢̕ȩ̸ and the next thing on their list is this part of China (Qingdao) and lots of tiny islands.
All that stuff belongs to Germany, which just had war declared on by Britain, because Britain was friends with Belgium, who was being trespassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France’s ass because France was friends with Russia who was getting ready to kick Austria’s ass because Austria was getting ready to kick Serbia’s ass because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria’s ass. Err, actually, he shot him in the head. And Britain is currently friends with Japan. So you know what that means, duhhh.
♫♪ Japan should take the islands. ♪♫ Which they wanted to do anyway. So they sort of called Britain on the tele(gram) to sort of let them know, and then they did it! And they also helped Britain here and there with some errands and stuff. *bell rings*
Now the war is over, and congratulations Japan, you technically fought in the war which means you get to sit at the negotiating table (Paris Peace Conference), with the big dudes, where they decided who owns what. And yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany. And you also get to join the post-war mega alliance ♫♪ the League of Nations ♪♫ whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world.
The Great Depression is bad, and Japan’s economy is now crappy. But the military is doing just fine, and it invades Manchuria. And the League of Nations is like ♪"No don’t do that if you’re in the League of Nations you’re not supposed to try to take over the world.“♪
And Japan said, ♫♪ How bout I do, anyway? ♪♫ And Japan invaded more and more and more of China, and was planning to invade the entire East.
You’ve got mail.
It’s from Germany, the new leader of Germany, he has a cool mustache and is trying to take over the world and needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy. They all decided to be friends because they had so much in common.
♫♪ It’s time for World War II ♪♫
Germany is invading the neighbors, then they invade the neighbors’ neighbors, then, the neighbor’s neighbors’ neighbors, who happen to be Britain, said "Holy shiiit” and the United States started helping Britain because they are ♫♪ good friends ♪♫ and started not helping Japan because ♫♪" Their friends and our friends are not friends. Plus they’re planning on invaaading the entire ocean.“♪♫
The United States is also working on a large, very huge bomb. Bigger than any other bomb, ever. Just in case (Germany). But they still haven’t joined the war, war looks bad on TV, and the United States is really starting to care about their image.
But then Japan spits on them, in Hawai'i, and challenges them to war. And they say yes! And then Germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the United States also. And they help the gang chase Germany back into Germany. And they also chase Japan back into Japan. And they haven’t used the bomb yet, and are curious to see if it works, so they drop it on Japan.
They actually drop two.
(You win.)
The United States installed a new government, inspired by the United States government, with just the right ingredients for a ♫♪ post-war economic miracle ♪♫ and Japan starts making TVs, VCRs, automobiles, and camcorders as fast as they can. And also better than everybody else. They get rich, and the economy goes wild. But then the miracle wears off, but everything’s still pretty cool I guess. ♪♫ Bye. ♫♪

  • Spoilers btw
  • Archie Andrews is a fucking idiot 
  • Veronica is way nicer than I remember in the comics 
  • Betty Cooper is low-key crazy but that makes perfect sense 
  • Cole Sprouse is a good tv emo 
  • Alice Cooper what the fuck is your damage  
  • Cheryl “EXTRA” Blossom 
  • What happened to Chuck? 
  • When you die in the Upside-Down, you move to Riverdale 
  • The entirety of the Miss Grundy thing. Why? Where are the cops? 
  • Pedophilia? In my Archie? 
  • Also, incest? AT ALL? 
  • The Blossom-Cooper shit is straight out of Wuthering Heights and I kind of live for it? 
  • Hermione Lodge barely existed in the comics and she’s now the most fleshed out complex character here 
  • Raise your hand if your parent isn’t an asshole. 
  • Put your hand down Josie. 
  • I loved every Josie song but Sugar… how do you fuck that up? 
  • Cheryl goes to a diner: 
    • “Hey, can I get you-?” “EGGS. JASON LOVED EGGS." 
  •  Archie Andrews is Troy Bolton 
  • Jughead is a motorcycle gangster who writes like Truman Capote what fucking world do we live in 
  • Everyone’s like, "Betty and Jughead are soulmates” and I’m just sitting here thinking of the most famous American love triangle like…yeeeah. 
  • I want to read a comic strip where the Archie gang goes to this version of Riverdale and they’re just like, “jeepers we need to leave immediately”