I Can’t Save Her: Part 34
Word Count: 1495
Summary: You have been with the Avengers for three years and during that time you have developed a close friendship with Bucky. When you discover another woman in Bucky’s room you begin to question what your true feelings are for him.
Author’s Notes: I hope you like it <3. I love to hear from you guys!
“I know you can fucking hear me!” Tony’s angry voice rose an octave above annoying as he kept repeating the words. I just wanted to be left alone – my body ached, and I was desperate for sleep. As sleep began to slip from my grasp I woke with a start.
“Bucky,” I whispered as I jerked up into a sitting position – wincing from the pain.
“What?” Tony asked as confusion spread across his face. At least I had shut him up from his tirade.
“He… he was there,” I replied half-dazed as Tony blinked dumbfounded at the information I was providing him. “He pulled me from the river,” I added as I stared at the palms of my hands. The pain that had prodded into my subconscious during sleep was beginning to grow like a wildfire inside of me. “Which means…”
“Which means he more than likely had nothing to do with the attack,” Tony finished my sentence as he massaged the line between his eyes. “I need to get ahold of Fury – here,” he added as he placed two pain pills in my upturned palm before turning to head towards the door. Once he reached it he faltered for a moment before turning back around. “Y/N?”
The sudden change in his tone caused me to immediately look up. “Why?”
My face grew hot as I tried to hide my embarrassment. In all honesty I didn’t have a good excuse that had driven me out into the woods – rather a need for some sort of peace. “I thought everyone would be better off… I didn’t…I didn’t mean to put myself in danger, but then I thought maybe it would be for the best,” I mumbled miserably as I looked anywhere but at Tony.
“You’ll never realize how wrong you are about that,” he added softly before slipping out of the door with his cellphone already dialing Fury.
I gladly downed the pain pills before settling myself back into the bed with a sigh. “Bucky,” the words escaped my lips like a wistful prayer as I slowly drifted back to sleep.
Months passed and as they did my hope waned. I was sidelined from the search for Bucky since everyone outside of the Avengers believed I was dead. My inability to help made me bitter, but Bucky’s reappearance and subsequent disappearance also made me resentful towards him. Why would he stay away after all we had been through – especially if he had nothing to do with the attack on Steve and myself?
Steve. The thought of him made me swallow thickly as I adjusted my sweater. I stared sadly at myself in the mirror as I tried my best to adjust my outfit. It was Thanksgiving, and the memories of the last one along with what we had lost since made my heart sink. I had enjoyed the solitude of the loft once Clint had convinced Tony I should have my own space again, but now I found my mere presence in it to be an exhausting memory of the emptiness inside of me. I bit my lip nervously before turning on my heel to head to the house.
As I walked towards the house in the early morning light I couldn’t help but feel as if something or someone was watching me. I paused nervously to scan the tree line before sighing to myself and continuing on my way. Since the accident I had had an eerie sense that someone was near to me at all times – which was usually somewhat true with Tony’s constant hovering. In all honesty I was probably the safest I could be with everyone back together, and I was looking forward to spending time with everyone. The loft had been rather lonely.
As I opened the door I was greeted with a barrage of hellos as Thor closed the distance between us and snatch me into a bone crushing hug. Once the merriment had calmed down and the men settled back into watching football while quarreling over the latest political moves to neutralize terrorist organizations like H.Y.D.R.A., Nat and Wanda settled beside me in the far corner of the room.
“How are you?” Wanda asked quietly as she gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.
“I would be a lot better if someone could put me to use,” I grumbled bitterly as I looked over at Tony. “Is there any news?” I asked as I turned to Nat.
She shrugged uncomfortably – clearly unsure how to proceed with the conversation. “Bits and pieces of intel have floated in about activity happening at H.Y.D.R.A facilities that we once thought to be inactive.”
“Activity?” I stuttered dumbly – thrown off guard by this information. My memories flashed back to the situation I had once found myself in at one of the supposed inactive facilities.
“Activity in the sense of – there are bodies when we get there, and the compounds are almost completely destroyed,” she added with a sly grin.
“Bucky…” I whispered to myself.
“I’m almost certain it is, but his behavior is too erratic for us to pinpoint where he will go next. He’s even been able to uncover compounds we had no idea about. It’s clear that he is looking for something.”
“Or someone,” I added as I focused my gaze on a worn spot in the rug below my feet.
“Do you think he’ll ever come back?” I asked as I felt the hopelessness bubble inside of me at the sound of the words.
“Maybe,” Nat responded quietly with a reassuring squeeze of my hand before we lapsed into silence.
I found myself in a familiar scene as I stared out the window, and watched the shadows grow in the waning afternoon light. Except this time Steve wasn’t there to reassure me, and Bucky wasn’t coming back. I sighed sadly to myself as I turned to make my way to the dining room where everyone was preparing their plates. As we all went through the motions of celebrating we struggled to not address the sense of loss that saturated everything. A sudden clink of a glass caused me to jump as I looked around the table.
“If I could have everyone’s attention for a second,” Tony announced awkwardly as he stood and raised his newly poured glass of wine. “We’ve lost more this year collectively than we could have ever imagined. Through that loss we were reminded of those that we still have and for that we are grateful,” his voiced cracked as his eyes swept around the table – lingering on me longer than any of the others. “I am hopeful that some of what we lost will find its way back to us, but in the meantime I’m thankful for those I get to share this meal with. To Steve – to Y/N,” he added as the others followed in unison before everyone lapsed into silence as they began to pass around bowls and pans of food. I could feel the tightening in my throat as my hands began to tremor slightly – the tell-tale sign of an episode. I needed to be away – if only for a moment.
“If you’ll excuse me for a second,” I muttered as I cleared my throat awkwardly before rising from my chair. I had put up a reassuring hand on Tony’s shoulder, before slipping from the dining room to the living room, where I grabbed my jacket, before slipping into the crisp autumn night.
This was normal behavior for me… Clint and Laura were accustomed to it since I spent nearly every waking hour with them. Since the night I had wandered into the woods and almost drowned before Bucky had rescued me I had taken to wandering through the woods around the house as a way to calm myself. Between the night terrors that had intensified and the sudden paralyzing fear that gripped me without warning I had become quite accustomed to the solitude. I sometimes imagined that perhaps Bucky would appear from behind a tree and tell me he was back, but I never really put much merit into the thought beyond a small childish hope.
At the sound of a branch crunching underneath a careful footstep behind me I turned with a full force roundhouse kick only for my leg to be stopped by a hand in midair. “Careful doll,” a familiar voice drifted through the shadows as the hand immediately released my ankle causing me to stumble back in surprise as I stared at the man before me. He was scraggly and dirty from months on the move – it was easy to see that he hadn’t taken good care of himself, but underneath all the bruises and grime I knew exactly who it was.
“Bucky,” I said so quietly it was almost inaudible.
“Y/N…. I’m… I’m back,” he answered hesitantly – unwilling
to close the distance between us. He looked as if he had seen a ghost as he looked at me in silence. When he finally spoke again it was with great hesitation.
“I need to talk to you about your father,” he
added and my heart dropped.
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