Another dream where I’m not alone
Another morning of reality
More ambivalence to my heart and head
More rocks for the bag on my back

Waking up early becomes offset by lingering in bed and regret

It’s colder and the winds are harsher than they should be now.
I stood naked in my living room
putting off getting dressed for work

The daily plank walk
The dead man’s waltz

I let out a groan
Let out to the universe
Let out to myself

“Please don’t fucking do this to me.”

Call it

My dreams have become
a graveyard
a heaven
a hell
a confession space
for the God-less wretch
I’ve become

There I’ve seen and spoken
and apologized to
dead friends and relatives
for things I did or didn’t do
all the things I miss
or simple talks:
weight gained and lost,
bad haircuts and habits,
glories and horror stories
from the road.
catching up.
shown them what they missed,
what they have yet to miss.
and roundly
enjoying the fantasy of
living together again.

There I’ve seen my dogs
walked them around
the blocks we used to
and ones we never got to.
Pick back up on
the best conversations
I ever had
with my marathon of words
their open, floppy, furry ears
and shared endless love

And last night,
there I saw you
and it seemed 
mutually painless
for the first time
in forever.
We smiled,
and stared
on our sides
on our bed.

I woke up
on the bed
that became 
just mine 

And last night
there I saw you.
When I woke up
I knew
that was dead too.