when will said it you could totally tell she was thinking of avery

How to Write Successful Dialogue

@albino-troll-ninja asked:

Got any feedback/advice/links for someone who wants to make lengthy, relatively action-less dialogues between characters more than just “‘Loren ipsum,’ he said.” “'Ipsum lorem’, she replied.” for forty paragraphs?

No problem!  I love dialogue, so I’m happy to be of assistance in this department.  

Here are my personal rules of thumb:

1.  Allow the dialogue to show the character’s personality.

If you really think about your conversations, it can be telling exactly how much of someone’s personality can shine through when they speak.  

Allow your character’s persona, values, and disposition to spill over when they speak, and it will make for a significantly more interesting read for you and your reader. 

For example:  let’s take a look at a mundane exchange, and see how it can be spruced up by injecting it with a good dose of personality.

Exhibit A)

“How was your day, by the way?”  asked Oscar, pouring himself a drink.

“Not too bad,” replied Byron.  “Cloudy, but warm.  Not too many people.”

“That’s nice.”   

Exhibit B) 

“How was your day, by the way?” asked Oscar, pouring himself a drink. 

“Ugh.  Not too bad,” groaned Byron, draping himself on the couch.  “Warm, but dreary.  Gray clouds as far as the eye could see.  Not anyone worth mentioning out this time of year.”  A pause.  “Well, except me, of course.”

“Hmmph,” said Oscar, glancing over his shoulder.  “If it were me, I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

Isn’t that better?  Already, the audience will feel as though they’ve gotten to know these characters. 

This works for longer dialogue, too:  allow the character’s personal beliefs, life philosophy, and generally disposition to dictate how they talk, and your readers will thank you.

Of course, this example is also good for giving the reader a general sense of what the characters’ relationship is like.  Which brings me to my next point:

2.  Allow the dialogue to show the character’s relationship. 

Everyone is a slightly different person depending on who they’re around.  Dynamic is an important thing to master, and when you nail it between two characters, sparks can fly.

Work out which character assumes more of the Straight Man role, and which is quicker to go for lowbrow humor.  Think of who’s the more analytical of the two and who’s the more impulse driven.  Who would be the “bad cop” if the situation called for it.  

Then, allow for this to show in your dialogue, and it will immediately become infinitely more entertaining.


“Alright,” said Fogg, examining the map before him.  “Thus far, we’ve worked out how we’re going to get in through the ventilation system, and meet up in the office above the volt.  Then, we’re cleared to start drilling.”

Passepartout grinned.  “That’s what she said.” 

“Oh, for the love of God – REALLY, Jean.  Really!?  We are PLANNING a goddamn bank robbery!”

Some more questions about dynamic to ask yourself before writing dialogue: 

  • Who is more likely to talk and who is more likely to listen? 
  • Who would talk with their mouth full of food and who would politely wait to swallow?
  • Is their relationship fraternal/sororal?  If so, who would be the “little sibling?”
  • Is one of them a bit of a mother/father figure to the other? 
  • Who more frequently gets irritated with who?
  • Who has the more understated sense of humor?  Who’s a bit more juvenile?
  • Who’s better educated?  Does it show when they speak?
  • Who’s a bit more pretentious/full of themselves?
  • Who interrupts more?
  • Who swears more?

This can also be a valuable tool to cluing your reader in on who the characters are as people: 

3.  Think about what this dialogue can tell the reader.

It’s better to fill the reader in more gradually than to waist your valuable first chapter on needless exposition, and dialogue is a great way to do it.  

Think about what your characters are saying, and think about ways in which you can “sneak in” details about their past, their families, and where they came from into the discussion.  

For example, you could say:

Tuckerfield was a happy-go-lucky Southern guy with domineering parents,

and bore everyone to death.  

Or you could have him say: 

“Sheesh.  All this sneakin’ around in the woods late at night reminds me of being back in Kansas.  Good times, man, good times.”  There was a pause, before he added,  “‘Course, it wasn’t nearly so fun when I came home late for curfew and had to sleep on the front step, but y’know.  Life happens.”

Isn’t that much better than the omnipresent monotone?

Dialogue is also a great way to fill in potential plot holes early on, by having your characters talk them out and explain them. 

Moreover, dialogue can also be used to foreshadow, offer relevant hints about the climax, or provide information necessary for the resolution.  

So use it wisely!  

4.  Sprinkle in mini-actions throughout. 

Even in actionless dialogue, no one actually does nothing.  In my case, for example, I stim a lot.  I play with my hair.  I play with eating utensils.  It’s probably very annoying for those around me, but you get the point.

Less fidget-y folks might not do this as much, but they rarely sit totally still during conversations, either.  So occasionally add in these mini-actions, and it will make your characters feel a bit less like disembodied voices or floating heads.

For instance:  

Jo leaned back in her chair rolling her stiff neck from sitting still for so long.  “…So the way I see it,” she continued.  “Even if Pheris Beuller’s Day Off didn’t take place in Cameron’s imagination, Pheris was clearly a sociopath whose behavior shouldn’t be glamorized.”

“Ha.  As if.”  Avery paused to sip her root beer.  “Pheris,” she began, raising an index finger.  “Was clearly emblematic of counterculturist movements such as the Beat Generation, and his disregard for the capitalistic dogmas imposed upon younger generations is something to be admired.” 

“For Christ’s sake, will you two lighten up?”  scoffed Leo, counting out bills for the pizza.  “We were talking about which movie we wanted to watch tonight.  Jesus.”

5.  Remember how people actually speak.

In real life conversations, people don’t speak in paragraphs.  Alright, some people might, and this can actually be interesting as the personality aspect of a certain type of character.  

But generally speaking, people don’t speak in paragraphs, or as though they’re writing thought-out prose or letters.

In real conversations, people stutter.  They laugh at their own jokes, repeat words or phrases, and lose their train of thought.

Naturally, you don’t have to illustrate in your writing exactly how chaotic and mundane human speech can be, as writing would be pretty boring in general if it was strictly limited to miming reality.  But it’s good to keep in mind that your characters are talking, not writing in purple prose.

Exhibit A: 

“When I was a young boy, my mother and I had a most tumultuous relationship,” said Marcus.  “She saw me as a hallmark of her past failures, and took every opportunity to remind me as such.”     

Exhibit B:

“My mom, when I was kid, we had what you’d call a sort of tumultuous relationship,” said Marcus.  “Nothing I ever did was right for her.  She, uh – I think she saw me as sort of a hallmark of her past failures.  Took every opportunity to remind me of that.”    

Which of these is more organic, more easy to visualize, and more telling of character?  Unless the point of this dialogue is to illustrate that Marcus is a gentleman crook of some kind with pristine speaking mannerisms, I’m going to say the latter. 

Best of luck, I hope this helps, and happy writing!  <3

Only A Dance

Request: “Hi, I have a request, I was wondering if you could do one where the reader is a dancer and Shawn gets jealous because she/he is doing a quite intimate piece with another guy, or maybe she gets hurt on stage, it can be for anyone. Thanks” 

Originally posted by mednes

“Start it from the top again! Y/n, point your foot out after you spin. And you! Try not to drop her this time! Opening night is tonight people! Get your act together!” Yells the instructor as we all go to the sides of the stage.

“5…6….5..6..7..8..” The lights dim and the music starts. All of us get into place, one by one go out until my partner and I enter from opposite sides. I gracefully walk over to my partner, who then greets me by bowing down and lending out a hand. He takes my hand and spins me around. A hand lands on my waist as we’re only inches apart. He lifts me up and I put my arms into fifth position to form a circle shape over my head. I move my arms down into second position has he slowly brings me down. Once again, our faces are inches apart. I brush the back of my hand along his cheek. Turning away, I leap away to the side of the stage so I’m still visible to the audience. Grant, the male lead, takes the middle of the stage to do his solo. Once he is done, I join him again in the middle. He dips me and we stay there until the music cuts off. Hearing clapping from the rest of the dancers causes me to smile, well until the guy drops me on the floor.

“What the fuck, Grant?” I say as I get up from the ground. Before Grant can answer me, the instructor comes up to us for his comments.

“That was perfect! Grant, you did amazing on your piece in the middle..”

Grant bows his head and smiles,”Thank you, sir. I wouldn’t have been able to do it if I didn’t have an amazing instructor like you.”

Mr. Williams smiles, “And as for you y/n, you need to watch as you spin and extend your arms more! How many times do I have to tell you?”

“But sir..”

He puts his hand up,”I don’t want to hear it. Unless you want the understudy to take your place for opening night.”

“No, sir.”

“That’s what I thought. Maybe that’s something you can learn from Grant… how to respect your instructor..”

“Yes, sir. Thank you.” I bow. I hated not having a say in anything, but there was no way I was going to give up being the lead.

Mr. Williams looks at me then looks back at Grant again. “Again, amazing job. Good luck tonight.” Then he walks away.

“Do you always have to be such an ass?”

“Maybe if you didn’t have that punk as a boyfriend you’d actually value being the lead.”

“You leave Shawn out of this.”

Grant raises his arms up in defense, “I’m just saying you’d have way better opportunities with me rather than him.”

I get up in Grants face, “Let me say this one final time. You will never be anywhere near to what Shawn is. Do I make myself clear?” He doesn’t respond. “That’s what I thought.” I get out of his face and walk away from him.

“We’ll see about that.” He says which makes me stop in my tracks. I stand there for a second then keep walking towards the dressing room. Grant isn’t worth it. Besides, I have a cute boy to get home to before opening night.

I walk into the house and sent down my bag as I close the front door. Then I plop down on the couch next to the curly headed man and let out a sigh.

“Bad day?”

“Don’t even get me started.” I lean forward and take a gulp out of his water on the table.

“So, what happened today?”

I straddle his lap, “Let’s not talk about it.” Putting my hands on his neck and place a kiss on his lips. “How was your day?”

“Good. I wrote two songs today.” His face lights up when he smiled. That’s one of the many things I loved about him. When he smiled, you can’t help but smile as well.

“What are they about?”

A low chuckle rumbles in his throat, “I wonder.”

“Well, can I hear them?”

He kisses me on the nose before he says, “Only once they’re perfect.” Then kisses me on the lips. “Because the perfect deserves perfect.”

It’s 8 o’clock and our family and friends just found their seats for y/n’s opening night. I am so excited to see her perform her favorite play: Romeo and Juliet. Although I’m not enthused that Grant got the lead, but I know I can trust y/n. The lights start to dim down signaling that the show is about to begin. People around us return to their seat as the orchestra plays the overture. 

“Relax, she’ll do great. I know it.” My mom, Karen, says as she squeezes my hand.

“I know. I’m just nervous for her because this is so important to her, you know?”

“It will be a special memory for the both of you. Her first show performing as the lead and your first of many shows supporting her in first of many lead roles.”

“Thanks, mom. I love you.” I say before kissing her cheek.

“You’re my little boy and will always be my little boy.”

An hour later

After many scenes y/n has danced, now the scene she was most nervous was up. The balcony scene. Y/n spent many late nights at the studio practicing this piece making sure it was perfect for her instructor as well as for performances. She also spent many nights stressing out about it to me. The music that cues y/n to come out from the side stage starts. Y/n is wearing her white leotard with a long flow mesh-like material dress on top. She looks absolutely stunning. Her dress flowing with every step, flawlessly turning and moving around the stage and suddenly Grant steps out from the other side of the stage. I move to the edge of my seat and grip one of the armrests harshly. They dance together for a little while, then Grant does his solo. I guess he is an okay dancer, but if I were in ballet and up there right now I could totally dance it better than him. Now comes the part that y/n was stressed out about the most. Y/n said multiple times that Grant has dropped her during rehearsals and her instructor always blamed her for it. She bows and offers her hand out to him, he accepts it and spins her around. As he finishes spinning her around, he places a hand on her waist, making me move towards the edge of my seat. He lifts her up and y/n has a big grin on her face as she does things with her arms. But something’s off. I know this because suddenly you see Grant’s smile replace with a worried look. He’s struggling to keep her up and you can see his hands starting to slip. I blink once and I see y/n on the ground crying in pain. Jumping up from my seat, I race down to the backstage area where all the dancers go to get on stage.

Everything was going perfectly until I fell on the ground and landing on my ankle wrong. My ankle was quickly swelling. Grant tries to tell me something but I’m in too much pain to listen to him. A few of the other ballet dancers come to get me up off of the stage. 

“We called and the ambulance is on their way.” says Thalia, but she ran off to the side. The curtain shut making it slightly darker back stage. You can hear Mr. Williams making an announcement to the audience, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. Thalia comes running back with Shawn.

“Are you okay?” He wonders.

“What do you think? That dumbass over there dropped me.” Shawn puts his hands up in defense. “I’m sorry, my ankle just hurts really bad.”

Pretty soon, the paramedics come over to me with a gurney. They pick me up, place me on the gurney, and rush me away with Shawn following closely. 

“Only family can come with on the ambulance.” One of the medics say.

“I’m her boyfriend.”

“Please sir, can he come with?”  The man moves aside and allows Shawn to come in and sit.

“What happened to your ankle?”

“I was performing and my partner dropped me on stage.”

“I’m going to wrap it for now until we get to the hospital and the doctors see what’s wrong.” Luckily we were only a few minutes from the hospital. Shawn holds my hand and caresses it softly. Moments later we arrived to the hospital. I was wheeled to a spot in the ER. 

“Hi I’m doctor Avery and I’m going to help you with your ankle. Mind telling me what happened?” Doctor Avery says as he unwraps my ankle to take a closer look at it.

“I was in the middle of a duet with my partner and everything was going fine until I was suddenly on the floor.”

“He dropped you, y/n.” Shawn interrupts.

“Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Well with how much swelling there is, you might’ve fractured your ankle. Does it hurt here?” I wince and nod. “What about here?” I wince again. “I’m going to take you to get some x-rays, but I need to ask you a couple questions before we go. Have you had any surgeries in your foot” 

“No, I have not.”

“Okay lastly for your safety, are you pregnant?”

I laugh a little and turn towards Shawn smiling, “Surprise?”

Sorry it took a little while to write, but “the perfect deserves perfect” , right?

soulmate!au hwang minhyun


 word count: 1242 words
 summary: the chances of you meeting your soulmate have always been slim to none, which is why you never expected much to come out of your indicator… boy, how wrong you were. au where the timezone your soulmate’s in is written on your arm.

  • for as long as you can remember, you’ve had a clock on the inside of your left wrist
  • four little numbers, almost inconspicuous
  • and from what you can gather, it’s the time zone that your soulmate is in
  • i mean…
  • it certainly isn’t telling you the time where you live

Keep reading

Connected part 6 [tom riddle x reader]

Originally posted by openyoureyestothebeautyaround

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5* | Part 6 | Part 7

  • Warnings: angst
  • Word count: 2k

The days after being intimate with Tom were quite as you expected them to be.
You knew, he wouldn’t be all over you, even after sharing these special moments with him - that’s just not who he was. But you had hoped that he would have just thought about changing some of his ways for you.

He wasn’t ignoring you, but just treated you like he did before your secret night. After thinking a little bit too much about it, you gathered, it would be the best to let things happen as they come and not pressure him into anything. 

Keep reading

California Dreaming
Not all my romantic relationships were bad, but some of them challenged me in a way that I didn’t want to be challenged, and I am happy I don’t have to do that now.’ Lana Del Rey.

Does Lana Del Rey really live right inside the middle of the ‘H’ of the Hollywood sign and spend most of her nights perched high above the chaos that swirls within the city of angels below, as the teaser for her new album, Lust For Life, suggests?

Or does she rent a house in LA’s Santa Monica or Silver Lake or someplace else she’s not about to divulge, in case, having taken a cryptic February tweet of hers literally, a posse of her 6.3 million well-meaning Twitter followers showup on her doorstep with the ‘magic ingredients’ to cast spells on President Trump?

Does she really only dip her toes into ‘the muck and the mires of the city every now and then’, as she says in the album’s trailer? Or does she ‘go out quite a lot actually’, as she tells me when we meet, and spend her nights having fun with a tight crew of mainly musician mates, dancing at house parties, going to gigs and occasionally wrestling the microphone from her male friends to sing Hotel California in karaoke bars? In this post-truth world, it feels pedantic to care too much either way.

Keep reading

Forsaken: UK Shadowhunters Con Recap

Hi all! So I went to Forsaken this weekend, if you don’t know what that is, it was a Shadowhunters con in London with Maxim Roy (Jocelyn), Jon Cor (Hodge), Kaitlyn Leeb (Camille) and Joel Labelle (Alaric).

It was so much fun, and since it was their first con/they’re not the main cast it was so small, nice and chill. They were all so down to earth, humbled and overwhelmed that we came to see/speak to them. They each had two panels (one on each day) and a full guest panel, I’ve managed to write up most of what I can remember below. Obviously there’s a lot I haven’t captured, but highlights/best moments are under the cut!

A lot of things we discussed were personal/non-Shadowhunter related, if you just want to read the bits to do with the show, just read the bits that have been bolded.

Keep reading

I’ve been thinking pt 2 ~ J.A.

A/N: My dumbass really thought she could write about a car crash and not do any medical research for the consequences of the crash in part 2 smh. I had a lot of writers block while working on this, but I just couldn’t let this story end like it did in part 1 (like let’s be real I love my baby Jack too much to not fix this) Anyway I hope you guys enjoy this part and that it makes up for the suffering in part 1, I hope I did the story justice. 

REQUESTED: yes, a bunch of people told me to make a part 2 so here it is. This one goes out to all my jack girls out there

SUMMARY: the story picks up where we left off in part 1 right after the paramedic tells Jack  “okay well you have the address of the hospital if you change your mind, sir”. Anyway as for the actual summary part 2 is basically a dramatic telenovela so yeah enjoy 

Jack hung up the phone and stared at it in shock for about 10 minutes before his phone screen became wet from all the tears that were falling down from his face. Corbyn walked in “yo what’s up, Jack- wait why are you crying, what happened?"Jack looked up with the wet trail the tears left, still on his face. "I…I made a mistake” he whispered and sat down on his bed with Corbyn to explain everything that had happened between the two of you. When he got to the last part Corbyn looked at him in disbelief. “First of all what the actual fuck, Jack? Second of all you better go to that hospital right now because it’s crystal clear that you still love her with every fiber you have.” “I can’t go there, we broke up!  The last thing she said before storming out was literally ‘I hate you, Jack Avery. I never want to see you again.’ I’m telling you she doesn’t want me there.” His heart broke a little as he almost whispered the last words. 

Corbyn sighs deeply “Can you blame her for saying that though? You were being a total jerk to her.” Jack fell back on his back and put his hands over his face. “I know, I messed up so bad, I took all that we built and I broke it. I didn’t even mean that I don’t love her anymore. I do love her, very much, but I thought she would be better off without me. We barely get to see each other because of the tour and everything else that’s going on and I thought it would be better to break up with her than having her sit at home waiting for me. She deserves so much better than that.” His eyes were burning, fighting a new wave of tears. “Jack, you need to go to that hospital and tell her how you really feel, she deserves to know. She’s in a very bad state so you might not get another cha-” Jack knew how that sentence was going to end, he couldn’t bring himself to think about losing you and he cut Corbyn off before he could finish it. He managed to get a rushed “I have to go” out and ran down the stairs before quickly grabbing his keys and jumping in his car. 

He sprinted over the enormous parking lot and ran inside feverishly searching for the information desk. Out of breath, he walks up to the woman sitting at the information desk “I’m -I’m here to- to see y/n y/l/n”. The lady looks up some information to tell him where he needs to go. Jack is tapping his foot impatiently hoping he’s not too late. “Miss y/l/n is in the east wing on the fourth floor in room 46B, but she’s currently being tested. There’s a waiting room on every floor, so you can go there and wait for more news if you’d like.” Jack thanked the lady and ran to the elevators. 

Jack had been sitting in the waiting room all by himself for 3 hours now. There were so many questions going through his mind and he grew more worried with every minute that passed. “What if something is seriously wrong? What if she needs surgery? What if she doesn’t make it?” He snapped out of it and looked up when he heard a voice. “You’re here to see miss y/l/n, is that correct? I’m doctor Evans ” Jack jumped up before hastily saying yes and shaking the doctor’s hand while introducing himself. He almost didn’t dare to ask it but eventually did. “How is she?” He asked with a trembling voice. “She is stable as for now and resting. She went into hypovolemic shock. This is caused when there isn’t enough blood in your blood vessels to carry oxygen to your organs. Which can be caused by severe blood loss, for example, from injuries. This resulted in losing consciousness in the ambulance on her way here. We’ve done some tests to see if her vital organs are alright and we did a blood transfusion to fix the blood loss." "Can I see her?” “Are you a direct family member, sir?” Jack frowned “well, no…but I’m her emergency contact.” The doctor looked through some of the papers on the clipboard with your information. “We normally don’t do this mister Avery, but since her family couldn’t make it back this soon and you’re the only one here, we’re going to make an exception for you” Jack whispered a thank you and followed the doctor to your room. “She’s sleeping but you can wait here until she wakes up.” doctor Evans said before walking out again.

Jack walked up to the bed to look at you. You had stitches on your left arm and one on your forehead near your hairline. You had bruises and bumps all over your arms and a scratch under one of your eyes. He teared up a little while looking at you and whispered “I’m so sorry y/n, this is all my fault. I should’ve never let you walk out that door.” He sits down next to your bed and watches your chest slowly rise and fall. After about 15 minutes of sitting by your bedside in silence, you finally wake up. When you see Jack sitting by your bed, a hurt expression washes over your face. “What are you doing here?” you said in disgust. “Was I finally important enough for you to change your mind?” Jack looks at you with a puzzled expression and opens his mouth to say something, but there’s no response. “Wh- What are you talking about?” “I’m talking about how you didn’t care enough to come when you initially heard about it over the phone. I heard the paramedic say they had to call my emergency contact and I sure as hell heard him say “Okay well, you have the address of the hospital if you change your mind, sir.” “I know that I must be the last person you want to see right now, but I really need you to hear this and let me explain.What matters now is that I’m here and I care about you. I never meant it when I told you I didn’t love you anymore. I’m an idiot for letting you go.” He sighed and paused for a minute before continuing. “ You know, I really love you and I messed everything up. I just really miss you and we don’t get to spend a lot of time together with all of the tour and band stuff going on. You deserve so much better than waiting for me to come back home. I wanted to be there at all times to support and comfort you when you needed me, but since I can’t do that I figured it would be best for us to break up so you could get over me and find a guy that is there for you all the time and isn’t always miles away and busy.” He swallowed hard before going on. “I didn’t mean for this to get so out of hand and hurt you. When they called I told them that we just had a huge fight and I wasn’t sure if it’d be good for you to see me because it might distress you. But I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you. I came here because I realized that no matter how far away we are from each other and no matter how little I get to see you, you are the love of my life and I can’t stand to be away from you. And I know that an apology isn’t enough to make this up to you but  I tore us apart and I hope you will give me a chance to piece us back together. I just got so emotional that the words came out all wrong and I said a bunch of things I didn’t mean and regret saying, maybe I should think before I talk.” He looked down at his shoes not daring to look you in the eye, scared of your answer. You sighed deeply “You really hurt me Jack, but as mad as I want to be right now, I can’t do it, because I can’t stand to be away from you either.” Jack looked up at you, a shred of hope in his eyes and a smile on his face. “Does this mean you’ll give me a second chance?” “Don’t make me regret it, Avery”. He grabbed your hand and squeezed it before planting a kiss on your forehead. “I thought I’d lost you” “You could never lose me, even if you tried.” 

Lana Del Rey for Elle

“I know that if I had more of a persona [before], I have less of one now. And I think it comes down to getting a little older. Maybe I needed a stronger look or something to lean on then. But I feel like it wouldn’t be hard for me today to play a mega show in jeans without rehearsing and still feel like I was coming from the right place.” 

“Looking back now I get a little more of what [the critics] were saying. When I was in the mix of a lot of reviews and critiques, I was kind of like, “What? I do my hair and my make-up just like everyone else for my pictures and my show, and yes my songs are melancholic, but so are whoever else’s.” So to see a couple other female artists not get criticized made me think, “What is it about me?” I think it comes down to energy, I really do. I wasn’t overtly saying “I’m unhappy” or “I’m struggling” in my music, but I think maybe people did catch that and they were saying, “If you’re going to put music like that out you better fess up to it.” But I don’t think I really knew how I felt. Then when things got a little bigger with the music, I was still figuring out what was important to me.” 

“I have cringey moments. Certain things I have said and certain songs I have done, but mostly the ones that were leaked.. I mean, they’re not my finest.”

What does performing on stage take from you emotionally and what do you gain from it?
“It depends on the day. If I’m having a good day, it still takes a lot, but so much of it is physical. I try to take strength and sing from my core, so I have to actually feel good and get a lot of sleep. Of course, it also helps if my personal life is even; when you’re on stage for an hour, you think while you’re singing. I don’t like my in-between thoughts to be restless, or worrisome, so I can focus on the crowd. It’s not like you do it and it didn’t happen; it’s a real experience. I know rock bands who say they fucking love it- that they would [perform] every night and wouldn’t do anything else. I don’t know if it’s as emotional for them [as it is for me.]

Staying in L.A has made her happy right now - 
“I’m growing my roots and meeting a lot of other friends, so I feel a little more settled. I have a friend called Ron who likes to swim with me. So every now and then we find an empty beach, jump in, and swim the length of the coast, from one side of the cove to the other.” 

Her friends are her family, says Lana and that’s why she can’t accept anything less than total honesty and trust from them. “The fact that I know that now makes everything a lot clearer. What’s interesting is how unsafe we [could] feel among each other [if we weren’t] able to express how we really feel. It’s hard knowing that if you tell someone exactly how you fee, like if you’re happy or unhappy, that could be the end of the relationship because they don’t feel the same way.”

“When you’re in your twenties, you let this cast of characters [into your life], especially if they’re in you’re in the arts. It didn’t matter what they stood for or what they thought was important. But as the years went on, there were things I saw in people that I didn’t like.”

Lana is enjoying being part of a music scene in LA where her friends include Emma Tillman, Father John Misty, Zach Dawes (Last Shadow Puppets), Jonathan Wilson and Cam Avery. They play music together which is not something she’s done with her friends before. The first time she had dinner with the whole gang, she thought “Wow, this is great.” “Feeling a part of something is definitely a nice feeling.” Karaoke competition - “If I am with the guys, they’re always on the microphone and sometimes it’s hard to grab it from them. Everyone pretends it doesn’t matter but you can tell there are moments in the choruses when people are really singing.”

“All the tough things that I have been through – that I’ve drawn upon [in my work] – don’t exist for me anymore. Not all my romantic relationships were bad, but some of them challenged me in a way that I didn’t want to be challenged and I am happy I don’t have to do that now.”

I asked whether she feels that when she admits she’s happy that something bad might be just around the corner? “Yes, sometimes. I have a little bit of that. I feel that it’s a human thing to be superstitious. Sometimes I like to say to my friends,”I don’t want to jinx it”. Or if I’m on the phone I’m like, “I’m so excited about this”, and then I’m just waiting for that phone call the next day… but there’s no such thing as jinxing it. Just let go.”

“I try not to do anything that won’t [make me happy], even if it’s just a show in a place that doesn’t suit me. It’s so simple; I always used to ask myself that, but I never listened [to the answer]because I knew I was probably going to do it anyway. If someone really needed me to do something, I would probably be like,”OK!”  I think happiness is the ultimate life goal. I think it’s the only thing that’s important. There are no mechanisms in place for routes to happiness, that’s the whole fucking problem. I think people are unhappy in school – the education structure has been the same for a long time and kids are still not satisfied with their educational experience. And you don’t have enough conversations when you’re young about what makes for a satisfying, mutual relationship. Those collective life experiences – your youth, your academic education and your education about business, marriage or relationship goals – they all lead up to your collective happiness. I think the emphasis is on the wrong things and it has been for a long time.”

“It would be weird to be making a record during the past 18 months and not comment on how [the political landscape] was making me or the people I know feel, which is not good. It would be really difficult if my views didn’t line up with a lot of what people were saying.”

I think it’s  a balance, I really do. You are so fortunate if you have good health and high energy because it takes a lot to be a responsible human. Responsible to yourself, responsible to others, and to know when not to get too deep into the wormhole of news, but still be politically in-the-know, and not be disconnected. In my life, it’s like walking on a tightrope.I read the news, but I won’t read it before bed; I won’t read it when I get up and I won’t read it between my recording sessions. I have windows of time where I check in and catch up with everyone, but I keep my sacred things sacred.”

I wrote “God Bless America” [a track on the album] before the Women’s Marches, but I could tell they were going to happen… I realized a lot of women were nervous about some of the bills that might get passed that would directly affect them. So yes, it’s a direct response in anticipation of what I thought would happen, and what did happen.”

Lust For Life - A pop collaboration with The Weeknd on the title track to the moody duet with Sean Lennon and Yosemite, a beautiful song about the way relationships change over time with the refrain that she’s “no longer a candle in the wind.”  The chorus of Yosemite is about doing things for fun, for free, and doing them for the right reasons. It’s about having artistic integrity; not because you think they would be big but because the message is something that’s important. And then it’s just about being with someone because you can’t see not having them in your life, not because it would be “beneficial” to you to be in their company. It’s that concept of just being in a relationship for 100% the right reasons. Being a good person, basically.”

 I actually am the best girlfriend because I only get into a relationship if I’m really excited about it. I’m unconditionally understanding, very loving and I like to be with that person for a lot of the time.  For me, the dream is to have a little bit of edge, the sexiness, the magnetism, the camaraderie, be on the same page and all that stuff, but without the fallout that comes from a person who is really selfish and puts only their needs first, which is like a lot of frontmen if we’re talking about musicians! I’m going to write a book one day called, ‘The curse of the frontman and why you should always date a bassist’. I guess I have a little bit of fantasy that really great relationships, friendships, and romances can stand the test of time. Even though each person in the relationship or the group changes, they don’t change in ways that would make the relationship come to an end. 

'Grey's Anatomy' Stars Jesse Williams and Sarah Drew on April and Jackson's Big Step Forward | THR

The stars talk with THR about the events of the bottle episode dubbed “Japril the Sequel.”

[This story contains spoilers from Grey’s Anatomy’s “Who Is He (and What Is He To You)?” episode.]

After multiple references over the years, ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy finally introduced Jackson’s father, Robert Avery, during Thursday’s bottle episode that saw April and Jackson travel to Montana for a case.
And in typical Grey’s Anatomy fashion, the surgical case had a direct impact on Jackson’s personal life as the younger Avery was finally able to understand why his father — played by Eric Roberts — left his mother, Catherine (Debbie Allen), and son all those years ago.

As it turns out, Robert wasn’t one for the “Avery way” of handshakes and galas and preferred a simpler life running a diner in Montana where, as he said it, people leave happy and don’t die.

Of course, not everything goes as planned in the episode dubbed “Japril the Sequel,” as Jackson (Jesse Williams) struggled to share with his father the issues that have bothered him for years. Instead, April (Sarah Drew) — always on point — urges Jackson to do what he came to Montana to do and clear the air with his father so he can instead focus on their risky throat transplant.

“Kevin [McKidd, who helmed the episode] gave me a great direction when we were shooting that scene — I was infusing it with how much April cares and wanted Jackson to heal this brokenness but Kevin said to just be steady and strong and to make it about the patient,” Drew tells THR. “He knew that if April needed Jackson to connect with her in any way, he wouldn’t do what she needed him to do. It was one of my favorite scenes; Jackson was shifty and April was rock-solid and it was exactly what Jackson needed. She knew what he needed better than he knew what he needed for himself.”

After struggling with his inability to tell his father how he felt, Jackson and April are inspired by a figure of speech that arises during their discussion about Robert. It leads to a night of celebrating for Jackson and April as the on-again/off-again couple seem to finally on again. The next day, Jackson is able to tell Robert what it really means to be a father (as in Robert wasn’t either a father or a grandfather to Harriet).

“It’s somewhat therapeutic. There is a degree of closure to be able to give someone a chance to be able to represent themselves and be able to say what it is you need to say,” Williams tells THR. “It’s better than nothing and Jackson can now put this big, scary mythical blob a little bit in his rear view and get a little bit of weight off his shoulders and move on with his life.”

To hear Drew tell it, the whole episode was a departure from typical Grey’s Anatomy and felt like they were “shooting a movie.” Production was done on location over three days in Topanga with the crew from Scandal as Grey’s was in production on a different episode on the show’s Hollywood soundstage. Also a departure was the voiceover, with the episode shifting to be told from a male perspective with Williams serving as the narrator. “A lot of episodes are really female-driven and this was a pretty unique episode where we were able to follow a guy’s internal wrestling,” Drew says.

As for what happens next for the seemingly on-again couple with a penchant for hotel rooms, Williams and Drew both are quick to praise the other’s performance and tout the great chemistry that has existed for multiple seasons between April and Jackson.

“I can’t imagine [April and Jackson sleeping together] doesn’t draw them closer because if it doesn’t solidify or re-establish or reignite their romantic relationship, it for sure cements their platonic relationship,” Williams says. “They can — they do — need each other; they do want to be around each other; they do confide in each other. They know things about each other that nobody else knows. They have the ability to listen that nobody else employs. They have to be — I mean they’re in each other’s lives in a major way. That rift could have kept breaking and I think this kind of draws them back in a way.”

Drew notes that things have definitely shifted for April and Jackson, who, no matter what the outcome of their relationship is, are currently still roommates raising a daughter together.

“They could either go back and be buried in uncertainty or confusion and be living together with their daughter, or it could lead to confusion about who they are to each other,” Drew says. “Though it could also solidify their best friendship all over again and remind them how important they are as friends — or it could also totally rekindle their marriage. Any one of those options makes a lot of sense moving forward.”

As for what’s to come in the remaining eight episodes, Drew says the cast has read the penultimate episode of the season and, while she declined to go into specifics, said it’s “very exciting and really interesting” with “a lot going on — and high drama.”

Magnetic -A Japril OneShot-

AU where April is included in the original group of interns and Jackson is an attending. In a twist on MerDer fashion, they meet the night before her first day and discover the roles they never knew they’d be playing in each other’s lives.

Of course this happens to me on the day before I start my internship at Seattle Grace Hospital. Of course it does, because I’m me.

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anonymous asked:

I know what it's like to become attracted to a friend but imo that's because you love them as a friend and then you think you could be more. I get that with Sev and Lily and I think it is possible but also wondered what you thought about raw sexual attraction. I don't get the feeling from Sev that he lusted after Lily in the way that some teen boys do when they really fancy someone. Is there any one who fits the bill for you? Apart from Lucius!! I know you ship Lucius/Sev! Any girls?

Narcissa Black.

Absolutely 100% totally and utterly categorically…that’s my headcanon.

I sort of love the idea that Narcissa becomes oddly fond of the weird little kid who follows Lucius and their gang of older students around, who happily does their bidding.  She watches as her disgrace of a cousin needles him, and she finds herself nodding her encouragement towards the scrawny first year - pointing him towards spells in her own Dark Arts textbook…even bringing in the odd tome from the Black library for him to devour.

She takes an odd pleasure in seeing his obvious delight.  He’s everything she’s not - dark features compared to her light locks, his ugliness contrasts severely with her beauty, and he’s so desperately earnest in response to her cool indifference.  But despite herself, she grows quite fond of him.

For Severus’ part, it doesn’t hit him at first.  He’s in awe of all the older students - they know so much, and they command respect around the school.  He admires Malfoy, and hangs on the older boy’s every word - but he can’t help but feel a flush of pride when Narcissa sends a kind word his way.  He knows she’s pretty - he can see that for himself, and he knows that the older boys scrap over her affections.

His hormones hit him like the Hogwarts Express in the summer between second and third year.  His body started doing weird things weeks before he headed back to Cokeworth - his voice constantly oscillating between a ridiculously high pitch and a smooth baritone that he wishes he could maintain.  He’s got hair in places where he didn’t anticipate that hair could grow, and there’s an almost constant swathe of bumpy spots that break out across his otherwise smooth cheeks.

He knows that Lily is pretty.  They sit at the park, and he finds himself distracted by her eyes, and her lips, and the way she crosses her smooth legs.  He forces himself to shake his head - it’s Lily, his friend, and he shouldn’t be thinking such thoughts.  Not about Lily.  She’s too…

He’s in a hurry to get back to Hogwarts.  He’s not far off 14 now, or so he tells his ma, and he’s grown at least a foot since last year; his need for new school trousers tells its own tale.  He slopes into the Slytherin common room with a quiet confidence that hadn’t been apparent in previous years.  Malf is Head Boy, and happily holds court - cheerfully welcoming Severus into his group of older students.  For once in his life, Severus feels at home, as if he’s earnt his place at Malfoy’s side.

…and then she walks in.  Narcissa Black.  And this time, like all the older boys, Severus’ jaw nearly hits the floor.  He always knew she was pretty - like Lily - but now?  Now he realises that she’s drop dead gorgeous.  He’s glad he’s sitting down, and really glad he’s got a new pair of trousers.  He casually clasps his hands in his lap, and calls over a hello - and then cringes when his voice squeaks.  Malfoy laughs - a deep, hearty bellow that contrasts so clearly with Severus’ high pitched voice - and Severus flushes.

But Narcissa smiles, and ruffles his hair as she winds her way through the common room.

It doesn’t get any easier.  She turns 17 - of wizarding majority - and then 18.  She floats around in stylish robes, and expensive jewellery.  Her make up is flawless, and Severus?  Severus is gawky and awkward.  He’s growing quickly, but it has the effect of making him unsure in his own body - he fumbles, and trips, and his limbs seem as if they’re out of sync with the rest of him.

His voice has finally dropped, and it’s a rich, low timbre.  He couldn’t have hoped for better, but for some reason, whenever Narcissa smiles at him, that wretched squeak returns.  He hates it, and he blushes.

He doesn’t mean to fantasise about her, but he can’t help it.  She’s gorgeous.  He loves Malfoy, he always has - and deep down, he knows she’ll marry him.  The other boys might date her for a few weeks, but Malfoy is always watching with that sly smile and air of indifference.  Severus knows better.  Severus knows that Lucius is anything but.

So he keeps his thoughts to himself, lest he lose his older friend.  He doesn’t tell Avery or Mulciber, and he doesn’t put quill to parchment.  He draws his four poster shut as lights go out, and then, in the comfort of his own bed, he allows his mind to wander.

He doesn’t want her to leave.  It was bad enough when Malfoy left, but the idea of studying in the common room without Narcissa’s laugh tinkling in the background is enough to make him depressed.  She tells him that he’ll be busy enough with his OWLs to study for.

She knows.  He isn’t convinced that she knows, but he’s certain she suspects.  He catches her looking at him from time to time - a slight smile playing across her lips.  He wraps his robes tighter around him, and puts his head down; she can’t know, it’s impossible.  He’s never breathed a word to anyone.  He’s never even whispered her name out loud in the privacy of his own bed.

“I always thought you two would get together,” he said, pointing his glass towards Lucius, who was animatedly telling a tale to a group in the corner of the Ministry ballroom, all whilst a witch clutched his arm and gazed at him adoringly.

“And so we shall,” she replied, with a smile.  

Severus tried to school his features, but his surprise briefly showed.  

“He might be playing the field,” she admitted, “but I have always known that I would end up with Lucius.  It’s not a bad thing.  There are worse men than Lucius Malfoy.”  She gave him a pointed look.  


“I’m surprised that nobody ever taught you Occlumency.”

Severus scoffed.  “Nobody uses that anymore.  It’s a lost art.”

“Purebloods do,” she said.  “Your thoughts scream out across the room, Severus.”

He swallowed hard as she leant towards him, her perfume enticing him.

“They always have done.  …I can hear them now.”

He flushed again - that deep red that she had so missed.  “Cissy, I did not intend any disresp-”

She smiled, and quaffed her drink.  “I know you used to think about me when you-”

“Cissy!  …please.  I’m sorry.”

She glanced over at Lucius, who was still holding court, and still being lusted after by his admirer.  “If you can honestly tell me that you’ve never thought about me in that way, I’ll stop.”  

He stood in silence.

“Your thoughts are still screaming at me, Severus,” she whispered, threading her fingers through his own.  “…you still think about me, don’t you?”

That flush was back, threatening to permanently stain his pale cheeks scarlet.

Narcissa held out her arm.  “Would you be so kind as to escort me upstairs, Severus?”

This time, his eyes widened, but he was no fool.  He took her arm and strode to the staircase, purposely keeping his gaze well away from Malfoy.  He could practically feel the metaphorical dagger in his back, but the only thing that would cause him to give up his fantasy would be an old fashioned wizarding duel - and with a girl hanging off his arm in front of a full ballroom, Malfoy wasn’t about to show his hand.

The pair married, as Narcissa had expected - and they stayed friends with him.  He followed Narcissa’s suggestion and learnt Occlumency - mastered it, even.  He was grateful when a few years later, Malfoy tentatively probed his mind.


“I beg your pardon?”

She cast at the lock, securing the door and marched over to him, pressing him against the wall.  

“Bloody hell, Cissy,” he said, hoarsely.  “I didn’t realise you wanted a re-ru-”

“How?  He thinks we didn’t have sex.  How?”

Severus’ eyes glazed over, the impassive mask abruptly in place.  “I showed him what he wanted to see.  A construct.”

“A fake memory instead of a wall?”

He nodded.

“Teach me.”


“Teach me.”


“So we can do this,” she said, touching her lips to his.  He didn’t react, so she pressed harder, threading her hands through his hair.

Treasure Hunt

I don’t really have much to say about this one honestly, except that I hope it is romantic enough!

If you have any feedback or comments, please sent them, and I hope you enjoy!



“James, are you ok? You’ve been acting a little weird this week,” you asked, a little worried.

“Hmmm? Oh, yeah, I’m fine. Just a lot on my mind I guess,” Bucky replied distantly.

You tried not to be too concerned by the fact that he was clearly keeping something from you, which he never did. Whatever was bothering him wasn’t enough to drive him into total panic, so you shrugged, and washed up the plates that you had served breakfast on.

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anonymous asked:

Hi! Can you write a scenario with Taehyung, when you're his best friend and you have feelings for him, but he likes someone else, so you two fight and you stop talking to him and all that jazz? End it however you want! I trust you <3 Thaanks!

You know what maybe I just have a thing for school AUs. Hush. Also, I’m just warning you, this is hella long. -Avery

Originally posted by daesbulge

V - “Not Her” (angsty mostly)

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Untitled - Sam Drake x Reader

Hello everyone,
I got this requests some time ago and I wanted to say that I’m sorry that it took me such a long time to write it.
Thanks for the request, I really enjoyed writing something different.
I hope you enjoy it.
PS: I wrote a story where they have a child called Avery, this would be before he was born :)

Title: Untitled (Couldn’t find a good one haha)
Words: 993
Warning: English isn’t my first language.

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Watch on crashchaoscats.tumblr.com

Hi, this month the cover of National Geographic, one of the covers, is a 9 year old trans girl who has been socially transitioned since the age of 4 and that was upsetting to me on a number of levels. First of all because National Geographic is a magazine that mostly is associated with showing exotic animals to people and National Geographic is a magazine that has a really, really bad track record historically with presenting people as exotic spectacles. And you know I think that as a magazine they’ve made an effort not to do that as much but I don’t think it’s particularly progressive or accepting to put a trans kid on the cover of National Geographic.

You know, one of the things that I experienced while I was trans is that it was really hard for other people to remember about me that I was a full human being and that this wasn’t some kind of spectacle, some kind of stunt, some kind of entertainment thing. And um mostly the people who I experienced treating me as like, I don’t know, some kind of circus act were people who considered themselves trans allies and I think you can see all the time how trans allies in both how they talk about trans people and how they present them visually that they on some level don’t really believe that people who experience gender dysphoria are full human beings. That we can think things through, that we want the same things out of life, that we’re motivated by the same things they are. So that was one of the things I hated about being trans, there were lots of things I hated about being trans, but one of the things I hated was being treated as a spectacle. And so I don’t think that putting a little kid on the cover of National Geographic is somehow a demonstration of progressive acceptance. I think it’s creepy and weird.

But ok, all that being said, and I’m not even gonna talk about the parental decision to put your kid’s shit blast like that, to put your kid on the cover of a magazine like that. There’s so much to say about that but I am not gonna do that right now. I wanted to talk about why I so strongly feel that people under 18 should not be empowered to make these medical decisions. Now at the base level, I don’t think they should be empowered because I got that shit wrong at 30, so if I could be 30 and think that my best life was a trans guy who has to get his ass to the doctor every 6 months, and then come to understand that on so many levels that life didn’t work for me and on so many levels that life caused its own problems for me and just worsened my anxiety and put me in social situations that were not ok, on so many levels that life didn’t work for me, if I could get it wrong at 30, I’m not the smartest kid on the block, like I got my own problems, if I could get it wrong at 30 a 9 year old for sure can get it wrong. A 13 year old for sure can get it wrong. Absolutely I think an 18 year old can get it wrong but the thing about 18 is that that’s the age that we let you go off to war. So I guess that’s the age that we accept that that’s when you get to start making real decisions about the unsafe circumstances you want to put your body through.

Ok. A lot has been said by other people about how incorrect and troubling the idea that kids’ gender identities are somehow stable is. There’s a lot of research out there that actually lots and lots of kids feel strongly that they have a transgender identity and then going through puberty they stop believing that. I’m not going to talk about that angle actually. For this video I just want to use the framework that indeed Avery on the cover of National Geographic knows herself and this gender identity that she has been supported and affirmed in since the age of 4 is stable and not the result of socialization and this is not a social system thing, for this video, even though I don’t actually believe this, I think you can see all kinds of social systems feeding into the affirmation of this identity, but for this video I want to work with the framework that Avery knows herself. And that this trans identity is going to be permanent and stable and the best life for Avery is one in which she gets to occupy the social role of woman. And another framework that I’m going to use for this video is the idea that the way that this affects Avery’s fertility, let’s just for this video use the framework that Avery also knows herself very very well in terms of what she’s going to want in terms of parenthood in the future.

Puberty blockers, what the leaders of developing this puberty blocking protocol for kids with gender dysphoria recommend is that you don’t start the puberty blockers until Tanner stage 2 and 3 that will give you a chance to harvest eggs and sperm. And if someone has the money to pay for this, in these equations I never know who people think are paying for this, but then that child can both medically transition and have those sperm and eggs banked, so that when they’re 20,30,40 they can choose to be biological parents. That seems to be the recommendation but I keep seeing articles about 9 year olds being started on puberty blockers, which…like 9 year olds are already at Tanner stage 2, like I know precocious puberty is a trending, troubling thing but like it seems like actually what’s happening is that kids are not even being given the chance to Tanner stage 2 before they are put on puberty blockers, which is awful.

But for the framework of this video, let’s just assume Avery is this super wise kid when it comes to her own gender identity and this super wise kid when it comes to her own future with fertility, because I see other people making those critiques and that’s not the critique I want to make. Using the framework that we are going to buy into the idea that a 9 year old knows herself very deeply on those two levels I’ll tell you what that 9 year old does not understand. That 9 year old does not understand economics and and doctor’s appointments. Ok?

When I was 30 and I believed I had a trans identity I thought that I understood what it meant to sign up for a life where you gotta get to the doctor every 6 months. I thought I totally got it. It wasn’t until I worked at that clinic that I realized that I didn’t get it at all and that it seemed that lots of members of my generation didn’t really get it until we had already gone far enough along in the process that we were in it whether we understood it or not. When you put a kid on puberty blockers and then you put them on cross sex hormones that damages their endocrine system permanently. And so what that means is that for the rest of that child’s life they will have to have a life long relationship with their endocrinologist and they will have to get to the doctor twice yearly.

That’s if there are no complications and we don’t know what complications are likely for kids who do puberty blocking and then cross sex hormones because there are none, there is not one study that follows up with these kids. That study has partly not been done because those kids haven’t gotten there yet. This generation of kids has not made it to their twenties yet. And when that first study comes out what that study is going to look like is just following up with kids in their twenties and asking them about health outcomes. So that’s a pretty experimental thing to put a kid through.

And the thing about GnRH agonists, which are what puberty blocking drugs are, they weren’t developed for kids, they were developed for adults and specifically for adult conditions where it would be helpful to have your hormonal system pretty much turned off, is that there are adults out there who really regret taking GnRH agonists. If you google “lupron” you will very quickly come to lupron victims hub which is a website run by a woman who took lupron as part of IVF therapy in the 80’s or 90’s and documents cases where people strongly suspect that taking GnRH agonists have given them long term health consequences. So these are not a class of drugs that are without controversy in adult patients.

When I was working at the clinic what I realized is that just for exogenous testosterone use doctors are not, the ideas that doctors have about the care that is appropriate for patients, are not coming from medical literature. So if you have a complication, like vaginal prolapse and it comes from, it has happened because of your testosterone use, there is medical literature on vaginal prolapse, your doctor will use that to treat you, there is not any medical literature about patients who are taking transition levels of testosterone and vaginal prolapse. So your doctor is working from medical literature that is not really about patients like you, so your doctor is kind of filling in the gaps with their own knowledge and you know it seems like a lot of doctors who do trans care feel confident about filling in those gaps just from kind of like their anecdotal experience treating trans patients. As a patient and as someone whose body I have put through some medical intervention, I don’t think that that’s good enough.

After working at that clinic I was really upset at myself for not respecting my body more in terms of demanding that the medical interventions I put it through had been found safe through research. And you know, I had the idea that my body was wrong, that it was disgusting, that it was incorrect and that it kept people from seeing the real me, and so I think on some level I just believed, I just felt like kind of a hostility towards my body and so I didn’t really care. I didn’t care if like…I didn’t care to know what the rates of ovarian cancer were, I didn’t care to know what the rates of stroke were. I think on some level I felt like my body was my enemy. But once I saw that disrespect reflected in medical professionals for the bodies of people who experience gender dysphoria than I got pissed.

If you look at the relationship between people with gender dysphoria and doctors what you’ll see through the history is that doctors are very willing to do experiments on us. And that’s very normalized for us. There’s the film “The Danish Girl” which is about a doctor doing an experiment on a trans woman, or doing a surgery that the doctor knows full well has killed other people, and going ahead and doing that on her, because I guess her desperation justified him doing a surgery he knew would kill her.

There’s a website that just recently got created out of Toronto which is to encourage primary care doctors to feel confident prescribing hormones for gender transition and I think the idea is that primary care doctors are less expensive and thus more accessible to more people and that’s why there’s this push to have them prescribing the hormones. I really think that you should go to someone who really knows the endocrine system, I think that this is specialty care and you should see an endocrinologist, but so, I think the motivation behind this website is suspect already, but it’s interesting because if you go look through what this website has about the complications from testosterone use this website says about ovarian cancer that there have been studies that have found that women whose bodies just naturally produce more testosterone have higher rates of ovarian cancer, but there have been no studies linking transition levels of testosterone and ovarian cancer, because no one’s bothered to do the study. It’s one thing to say, “hey we did a study looking at whether people who used testosterone to transition get more ovarian cancer and we didn’t see a link,” that’s one thing. It’s another thing to say there isn’t a link when no one has bothered to do the study. And it makes sense that no one has bothered to do the study because who has the incentive to do the study?

Pharmaceutical companies, they didn’t make these hormones with the idea that people would transition genders with them, this is an off-label use, and then you have this highly motivated population that wants to do the interventions regardless of cancer rates and stroke rates and prolapse rates. But I’ll tell you what when those complications are a possibility it might be worth it to you, when those complications are a reality in your life you might feel way differently about things.

And I feel really, really blessed to have gotten to work at that clinic and seen, and be given the chance to see complications and to see how very difficult to manage those complications as a patient, because if I hadn’t been given that opportunity it wouldn’t have been real to me that I didn’t actually want to be on the receiving end of medical interventions that don’t have a body of literature that tells doctors how to do this safely and how to treat complications resulting from it. I think that doctors in trans care act way more confident than they have any reason to act confident about these things. So that was the understanding I came to about my own feelings about what my body deserved, and I feel that this body that I’m in deserves medical care that is substantiated by literature, and I do feel like that is more important to me than anything about an identity that other people affirm. All that stuff is secondary to my body like getting medical care that is safe and well researched. I’m not trying to be a danish girl over here. I am not.

So if I could discover in my thirties that actually my standards of medical care that I was on the receiving end for were more important to me than having an identity affirmed, how would a 9 year old over come to that realization? How does a 9 year old, does a 9 year old understand that in the normal course of american adulthood it’s super normal for people to not be able to get to the doctor for years because they don’t have the money? Does a 9 year old understand that like, when we finally get to the point when these kids are in their twenties to do a study about health outcomes, that’s going to be the first time? That they are really like the first class of doing this experiment? I don’t know, what if that 9 year old gets to their twenties and they’re like, “oh you know what, I don’t trust doctors at all and I don’t want to see them and I really would’ve liked a life where I didn’t have to be dependent on an endocrinologist to keep living.”

This is assuming that the gender identity stays the same, it is assuming that the feelings about biological parenthood stay the same. Just because a person has gender dysphoria and just because a person is trans-identified doesn’t mean that it’s ok to try out new interventions on us. I don’t think- I think that you can clearly see in the medical system that the people who get experimented on are people who are not considered valuable. They tend to experiment on poor people, they tend to experiment on people of color, they tend to experiment on female people, and so honestly I see this push for pediatric medical transition as just another instance that shows, much like us being featured on the cover of National Geographic, how much people with gender dysphoria are really seen as not fully human. Because I don’t think that you would just do this to a kid that you really saw as a full person, who had a right to as much of an adulthood as other people get.

One of the things about being dependent on your doctor to make your endocrine system work is that it really limits your ability to travel. Because you gotta get back to your doctor every 6 months, you gotta. And when I was working at the clinic that was a thing that man, lots of people who had not come to terms with the fact that they had chosen a life that limited their ability to travel. It was really hard for people, it was really hard for people to understand that no, it’s not that simple to call in a prescription to England, it’s not that simple to tell you what clinics to go to across Europe, like, you know you signed up for a life where you gotta have consistent medical care, and generally that life is lot more sedentary and a lot more tied to making good money and making sure that you have medical access than other people’s lives.

And I got an email from someone who really wanted to transition because they really want to travel all over the world and have adventures, and they perceived that that is safer and easier for men, so they wanted to be a man. Here’s the thing, maybe that is true for cis men, maybe that is a true thing for men who came into this world with an endocrine system that when it does it’s own thing gives you a beard and gives you broad shoulders, and like, I think it’s pretty true that like if you’re that kind of person and you have that kind of body then yeah, it’s safer to travel the world. You don’t get that body when you transition, what you get is a body that has to go to the doctor all the time to give you that beard and give you the broad shoulders and the same substance that is giving you the beard and giving you the broad shoulders is also changing the chemical composition that all your organs are dealing with, and no one has done studies on how, generally, our organs react to that. And so, sure, if you’re a cis guy things might be easier in terms of world travel, being trans and world travelling don’t go together. Like, I’m not saying it’s pick one or the other, but I’m saying if you choose one the other becomes much harder. It’s not just about money and funding travel anymore, it’s about how are you going to get your blood tested, who’s gonna prescribe the hormones? And that’s the kind of logistical thing that really ends up limiting people’s lives and it’s the kind of logistical thing that adults who make these decisions don’t consider until they’re in it, so I know for sure that like a 9 year old can’t consider that stuff.

So that’s why I don’t think that people under 18 should make these decisions. I don’t think I got it at 30, I wish that everyone thinking about these decisions could go spend a half a year working at a clinic for trans people, I think that people would have a much better sense of what they were signing up for if they did that. But if we can’t do that for people then we can at least say that you gotta be a legal adult before you make these big decisions.

Ok, well that’s it, take care of yourself, take care of your kids, keep them off the cover of National Geographic, don’t, don’t do this thing where like, if you have a trans kid you put them on blast, you make it a big part of your identity that you have a trans kid. Get your own shit, do something for yourself that you can be proud of, it’s weird to like make the fact that you had a trans kid the most important thing about you, ugh, like seriously, get some self esteem. Bye.

A Tale of Coffee and Children

Just a simple story about two friends in college. Rated T for language. Oneshot.

“Oh, gross!”

Hiccup Haddock was having a bad day.

It wasn’t unusual. It wasn’t as though he never had good days, but there were too many unexpected days. Nothing, nothing, ever went according to plan. And Hiccup planned. Like, today, his first day of college, he planned to make it to his dorm, become best friends with his dorm mate like they showed in the movies, and then go out and explore.

But no. He had to go out and grab a coffee first. And he had to check a notification on his phone right then. And he absolutely had to spill his coffee (which was cold) on a girl after crashing into her.

She was a very pretty girl too. One of those girls in movies. She was like Regina George, only she didn’t look mean, just exasperated. It was pretty justified of her, though.

“I’m so sorry.” He ran a hand through his hair as the girl looked down at her shirt in horror. “I am so sorry, I - I didn’t - I’m sorry.”

The girl looked up, her blue eyes piercing through his coolly. “Gee, are you sorry?”

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September 15th, 2018

A mass of young Slytherins were gathered on the Quidditch pitch and among them; Scorpius Malfoy and Marcell Zabini. It was the second week of their second year and that could only mean one thing - Quidditch try-outs. Scorpius had been training for quite a few years for the Seeker position, while Marcell had only decided the previous year that he’d like to be a Keeper.

“I’m so full of adrenaline right now,” Scorpius commented. What he meant was nerves, but adrenaline sounded better.

“You’ll do alright. I’m pretty sure your only competition is Glint over there, and we all know he’s not going to make it.”

Glint, hearing the comment made about him, glared at Marcell, who just smiled at Glint in return.

“Oi!” Captain Brandon Bishopper cried out. “Shut it, all of you!” The crowd grew quiet. “All right, now I want you all to split up according what position you’re trying for. Chaser, Seeker, Keeper, Beater!” He pointed to a different direction on the field with each position he called out.

Scorpius and Glint stood together, while Marcell stood a few yards away with two other students. There were also three kids trying out for Chaser, and four trying out for Beater, making a total of twelve hopefuls.

“All right then, we’ll start with the Keepers,” Brandon started. Before he could do anything, they all heard a faint cry in the distance.

“Wait!” They looked toward the source of the sound and squinted. Approaching the field was a relatively tall, thin, red-head. Scorpius squinted just a little harder.


Moments later she was coming up on them, her breath barely elevated from the running.

“Sorry,” Rose began at Brandon, but Scorpius interrupted.

“What are you doing here?”

Rose ignored him completely. “I was kept late by Coach Jones, she’s given me an excuse if you need one.” Rose went to dig in her pocket, but Brandon stopped her.

“Save it, Weasley. What position?” There was a tone in Brandon’s voice letting on that he felt like he was just humoring the girl. Rose pretended not to notice.

“Seeker,” she answered, then smiled when, out of the corner of her eye,  she saw Scorpius’ jaw drop.

Brandon sighed and pointed toward Scorpius. “Over there, then.”

As soon as she was within reach Scorpius grabbed her by the elbow and pulled her away from Glint. “What do you think you’re doing?” He hissed. She smiled innocently.

“Trying out for the team, of course.”

“You never told me you were even trying out, let alone for Seeker!” His hand was still on her arm.

Rose shrugged. “You never asked.”

He yanked at her elbow and she glared up at him, daring him to do it again. He dropped his hand. “Yes, but I talked to you about trying out! I told you I wanted to be Seeker - and you never said anything!”

“Why would I? You’d have just tried to psych me out, just teased me. Why would I want to put myself through that?” She tried not so smile, then she added to herself, ‘And this way I have the element of surprise.’

“You’re wretched.”

Rose tried not to laugh at how angry he was. His chest was heaving slightly and he was grinding his teeth, something she could hear because he was so close to her. She folded her arms in front of her chest, as a way to put a physical barrier between them.

“And you’re worried.” She pushed past him and went to pay attention to what Brandon was telling the Keeper hopefuls. She gave a thumbs up to Marcell, wishing him luck. Scorpius noticed that Marcell didn’t looked surprised to see her there, but decided to hold back his indignation.

“That’s it for today, squids,” Brandon called out, hours later after putting everyone through multiple rigorous routines. “We’ll have the results posted in the commons by Monday night.” The lot of them stood around, mumbling to one another. “You can leave now!” Brandon barked.

The worn out, haggard second years started to shuffle off of the field. Scorpius looked around and found Rose hanging back, trying to wipe some of the dirt off of her face. He noticed a rather large bruise on her shoulder-blade where a stray Bludger had smacked her.

“That looks like it hurts,” he started as he neared her. He reached out to touch it but she pulled away and glared at him.

“Hardly. What do you want?” Rose started walking, not waiting for an answer. Scorpius kept in line with her.

“You do know there hasn’t been a girl on the team in over a decade - right?”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Well, I was just -”

“You were just what?” Rose stopped abruptly and whipped around to face him. “Telling me that because I’m a girl I won’t make the team?” Scorpius didn’t answer, Rose continued. “D’you want to know what I think? I think I’m a better player than you. I think that you saw that today and I think that you’re uncomfortable with it and that you feel threatened. Well guess what; I don’t care! I don’t care that you’re uncomfortable or threatened. What I do care about is Quidditch. I was six when I first learned to fly, and nine when I caught my first Snitch. I’ve wanted this since before I could remember so no, I’m not going to let your fear of inadequacy and your narrow mind get in the way of what I want.” She stormed off without waiting for him to respond.

They didn’t speak to each other for the next two days. They didn’t look at each other when a new piece of parchment was posted in the common room. They didn’t touch each other when they waited side by side to see who’d made it.

Scorpius didn’t congratulate her, and he didn’t wait around for the celebrations. He slinked off to his dorm like the rest of the kids who didn’t make it and he sulked. He sulked for an entire week. He stalked about the castle and sneered at everyone. He replayed his try-out again and again, hoping to find something wrong but the only thing he could come up with was that she was right - she was just a better player than he was.

It took him another three days before he built up the nerve to apologize to her. He waited until just after lunch, and caught her right as Cassie and Avery went into the girls’ lavatory.

“Uh, Rose?”

Her hand was already on the door, ready to push it open and follow her friends. She didn’t respond, but she also didn’t run away.

“Look I.. just wanted to congratulate you on making the team. I guess the best player won.”

Rose took in what he was saying and then chuckled. “Was that you apologizing?”

He suddenly found the floor fascinating. Rose took his silence for a ‘yes’.

“Well… Thanks. And I mean, you made reserve, who knows; maybe I’ll have a freak accident or something.” She smiled at him, he scowled at her.

“That’s not really funny, though.” Rose chuckled again. Just as she was about push the door open, Scorpius quickly spoke again. “Did you really catch a Snitch when you were nine?”

Rose blushed a little. “My Aunt Ginny charmed a dormant one, didn’t really fly at regulation speed.” She didn’t wait for a response.

Scorpius waited until Rose disappeared behind the door then let himself fall against the wall. She was brilliant. Scary, but brilliant.

My Boys Drabbles - The Right Shepherd (Part Four - Final)

Hey guys! Thanks for all the feedback and messages! Special thanks to @jia911 for proofreading this for me!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @keverina ! I hope it’s a good one with lots of love and laughter !

If you guys need links to previous chapters, you can find them HERE.

My Boys Drabbles The Right Shepherd (Part Four)


Even though the initial shock had passed, Amelia still found it hard to believe what was actually happening.

After one day, it became clear that the Harper Avery Award committee had tried to contact her by phone call at exactly 5 am as traditional, but Amelia hadn’t been present at the hospital, and human resources had refused to give out her number for privacy reasons. By cross matching her data with the contact information of the magazine in which Amelia had submitted her article to, the people in charge had finally been able to contact the surgeon and notify her about the nomination.

And since the news within the medical community spread fast, people at the hospital soon found out about Amelia’s selection. There was a big uproar and the neurosurgeon received several phone calls from people who had worked with her, some to honestly congratulate and wish her luck, but some out of sheer curiosity and even disbelief.

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The Island - Calum smut


Author’s note : Can I suggest you to indulge yourself to a bit of moaning Calum first yclicking here? Y'know, to get into the mood. Myla was chosen as FC name after I read Myla’s work, she's 5sos-babygirl check her she rocks!

Boat party but does one wears at a boat party? Are you supposed to be extra classy kinda like Emily Thorne in Revenge where she goes all seductive bodycon red dress and catches a billionaire in an eye bat? Or does boat party means you end up swimming? Should I be wearing heels and hat or bikini and jean shorts?

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