Hey Viria, sorry to bother you but this is something I really need to talk about with someone and your blog has always been a safe space to me. I'm turning 20 this year and I've never been in love, nor have I had a boyfriend/girlfriend before. I don't know, if I'm too picky or if my standards are to high, but I never felt something like a crush before. I don't know if it's normal but I really just want to feel having butterflies in my tummy. I don't know what to do or what is wrong with me.
there’s nothing wrong with you, please don’t think this way!
There are few things I can offer about this:
- don’t feel alone if the insecurity you feel is connected to the age, you aren’t alone, there are so many young people in their twenties who hasn’t been in relationship before. Even for me, even though I had minor school crushes, I only had one relationship and it wasn’t serious and I now know it wasn’t love. So for me it happened when I turned 22.
- it might be that you feel the red flags about people and haven’t met someone you connect to yet. I know a few people who are close to their 20s but haven’t had crushes before, it’s normal too, we all are different.
- movies always make us feel like we have to be in love to be complete, because EVERY teenager is in love in the movies. They show the morally high educated girls and say they always have to be in love to be good. Don’t be too pressured by the movies; they aren’t real life.
- as for butterflies: they aren’t always good. I mentioned minor crushes I had: I used to have all the knees buckling, heartbeating too fast, and I have to say that it wasn’t the healthiest. With as much as I had of physical stuff happening, I could never even talk to that person. So..not feeling the butterflies, but feeling warm and cosy and content and just, very secure, is what I think matters more. Deep connection matters more. Attraction is important too, of course, but the physical stuff fades over time, bonding stays.
- THE LAST BUT NOT LEAST. Try looking up aromantiсism, asexuality, demisexuality. I am not the most educated person with this; but there are people who don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction towards others. There are people who need to really spiritually and mentally bond with someone to start being attracted to them. You might be aromantic or asexual or demisexual!
Hope it helps at least a bit, remember you aren’t alone and there are always people who feel the way you do! You will have it all figured out soon, don’t worry<3