when i said i was doing something ~productive

In honor of my 5th semester in a row of all A’s (hell yeah boiiiii) I’m going to make this post. I don’t know how I did it because I am honestly so lazy.

  1. Grades are reflective of your work ethic and your ability to strategize, not your intelligence.
  2. Be real with yourself. Are you sure you are ready to commit to perfect grades? Are you ready to work, day in and day out, when it sucks and classes are boring and hard? Are you ready to feel satisfied for all of the hard work you put in? If the answer is yes, congratulations. You are on your way to becoming a straight-A student.
  3. Prioritize classes. Not every class requires the same amount of work, and you should find out the hardest classes early on in the semester. These will take the most time, and you will have to spend extra time and effort to get a good grade. When choosing classes, make sure you will be able to handle them. Make sure you will be able to ace all of them, at the same time. That being said, don’t shy away from hard classes. You have to challenge yourself. Take a few AP’s. They are worth it.
  4. Make friends with teachers/professors, especially the ones that teach hard subjects. I am very close with my chemistry professor, and this has proved invaluable because I am able to get free tutoring, as well as a great recommendation letter for college apps.
  5. Have other goals. You need to do something that is not studying to keep you productive. I would highly recommend joining a sports team or club. I exercise (usually running and weightlifting) at least 2 hours a day, usually more. Playing 2 sports made me more healthy, social, and productive. Running calms me down, and weightlifting makes me feel strong. Do whatever makes you feel good, as long as it’s healthy.
  6. Learn to manage time well. How do I play 2 sports, get straight A’s, have a studyblr, and have time to spare? The answer is that I take care of myself well. I go to bed at 10:30 or 11 each night so I can get 7 ish hours of sleep. I do homework during lunch or in class so I don’t do it at home.
  7. Slack off. Yep. I said it. I complete assignments strategically, spending the most time on things worth the most points. Things that will only take a few minutes can occasionally be done in class right before the teacher is collecting homework. I have done this all too often. That being said, small assignments really do add up so make sure you do an acceptable job and turn them in on time.
  8. Turn something in. It is ok to sometimes slack off in quality, but if something is due, you better turn something in. Something is better than nothing. Getting extensions on assignments for no reason will make the teacher think you are lazy, or don’t care about their class. Every single essay and worksheet does not have to be your best work, but make sure you fill the basic assignment requirements, and it should be enough. 
  9. Extra. Credit. Some classes don’t offer this, but if they do, just freaking do it man. Knowing you can miss an assignment because you did extra credit earlier is the best feeling, especially when doing that assignment would have meant losing sleep. 
  10. Plan (sort of). I have a bullet journal where I write important assignments down. As I said, there are some assignments not worth your time that you can half-ass. The ones I write down are the ones I need to do well. If you write down every. last. assignment. you will burn out and stop planning altogether. 
  11. Sometimes, go above and beyond. You know that subject you really like? With an awesome teacher? Spend time on it. Make your project extra beautiful, and read ahead in the textbook. Watch video lectures online, and maybe even make a studyblr post about it. Your extra work might not be turned in for credit, but it will make you feel a whole lot more knowledgeable on the subject. Do this for classes you hate, too. Maybe it’s not as bad as you think it is. The extra effort might allow you to see the beauty in a subject you used to despise. 
  12. Be real with yourself (again). This past semester, I had a B+ for a few months in a subject I really love. I wasn’t mad, and I didn’t stress about it, because, honestly? It doesn’t really matter. Eventually I brought the grade up again, but it would be fine to me either way. 

“Do Not Draw The Corner Sun”


For some reason i got inspired by something that somebody said me when I was child; Do not draw the sun in the corner.

I tried to capture that basic concept of how kids draw - grass near the bottom, birds in the sky and sun in the corner - and make it more stylish. : D


Do Not Draw The Corner Sun is now available as T-shirts, art prints and many other products!

Why I don’t see Destiel as real

Have I noticed odd subtext between Dean and Castiel? Yes. Do I think that subtext adds up to a homosexual relationship between a sexless, genderless angel and a human man who can barely manage to have a meaningful relationship outside of the brotherly bond he has with his own brother? No.

I don’t see the show Supernatural as a show about romance. It’s about family. Castiel is family to Sam and Dean, the only family they really have left. (I don’t have positive feelings towards Mary, but she counts, obviously.) Destiel is something that was borne out of fan fiction. The two things are not related.

I’m a bisexual woman. I’m not locked into the hetero-normative relationship patterns on TV. I don’t believe in traditional anything, so if I thought there was a reason to believe Destiel was real, I would. I’m also not trying to change anyone’s mind or argue about whether it exists. I don’t think it does, but others do, and that’s all fine. All I’m saying is, until it’s directly addressed on the show or confirmed by the actors/writers/etc., it’s not real. 

Jensen has repeatedly said(and been threatened as a result) that Destiel is not real. If the man who originated a character in the pairing says it’s not real, then maybe you should all just accept it as not real and move on until it’s confirmed or explicitly depicted. Obviously you shouldn’t stop shipping it or writing it in your fan fiction, because some of the hottest fic out there is Destiel fan fic. But you can’t really say it’s canon until it’s actually directly confirmed. Subtext isn’t confirmation. It’s disrespectful to the actor who plays the character to insist something is real when they’ve said it’s not. I respect the actors of SPN and their wishes. If Jensen says it’s not real, then that’s good enough for me. 

I realize that the Destiel shippers will likely be upset by this, but the truth is the truth. I don’t know why so much time(including this post) has been devoted to a fictional ship when it could be spent doing something so much more productive. The actors of SPN devote their time to helping people outside work, and we’re all here screaming about a nonexistent ship. It originated in fan fiction and not the show for a reason, y’all. Sorry. 

Post Script: Keep the hate coming, trolls. Your true colors are showing. 😉
хуй and its derivatives (strong language)

хуй - dick

по́хуй - to not care

мне по́хуй I don’t give a fuck

на́хуй, нахуя́, захуя́ - all those words mean “why?” (with what aim)

ты на́хуй сюда́ пришёл? why the fuck have you come here?

с хуя́ ли / схуя́ли - why the fuck? (for what reason)

дохуя́ - a lot

я съел дохуя́ карто́шки I ate a shitton of potatoes

нихуя́ - nothing, not at all

нихуя́ они́ мне не да́ли! they didn’t give me anything!
нихуя́ они́ не спортсме́ны they are not (at all) sportsmen

не́хуй - (1) nothing, (2) when telling someone to stop doing something

(1) мне бы́ло не́хуй де́лать, и я прибра́лся i had nothing to do, so i tidied up
(2) не́хуй смея́ться на́до мной! stop laughing at me!

хуй там был - said when you were expecting/hoping/told something would happen and it didn’t

я ду́мал, меня́ поко́рмят - (а вот) хуй там был! i thought they would feed me - but they didn’t!

положи́ть хуй (на) - to ingore, to not care about something too much

я давно́ положи́л хуй на заря́дку I stopped doing morning exercise long ago

заби́ть хуй (на) - same as above, sometimes just заби́ть is used

забе́й ты на уро́ки, пойдём поигра́ем! screw homework, let’s go play! [you’re suggesting someone to stop doing homework]

хуи́ пина́ть - to do nothing productive or useful

мы це́лый день уже хуи́ пина́ем, пора́ взя́ться за де́ло! we’ve been doing nothing all day, it’s time to get down to business!

я́сен хуй - obviously! duh!

посла́ть на́хуй - to tell someone to fuck off
иди́ на́хуй! - fuck off!
пошёл на́хуй! [to a male] / пошла́ на́хуй! [to a female] - fuck off!

хуй (его́) зна́ет - I have no fucking clue

- кто съел соси́ски? - да хуй его́ зна́ет! - who ate the sausages? no fucking idea!

охуе́ть - (1) to be extremely shocked (2) same, but as an interjection - “oh shit!” (3) said about someone who’s behaving very badly (4) ну охуе́ть / ну охуе́ть тепе́рь is said sarcastically as an interjection about something which another person thought would surprise you but didn’t

(1) я вошёл в ко́мнату и охуе́л - там го́лый полице́йский танцева́л! i entered the room and was shocked - there was a naked policeman and he was dancing!
(2) охуе́ть! ты где э́то доста́л? oh shit! where did you get that?
(3) он вы́пил мой сок? да он охуе́л! he drank my juice? he comepletely lost his mind!
(4) - я гуля́л и уви́дел БОЛЬШУ́Ю СОБА́КУ!!! - ну охуе́ть тепе́рь… - i was walking and saw A BIG DOG!!! - what a fucking surprise….

охуе́нный - really fucking good

я тако́е охуе́нное пла́тье вчера́ купи́ла. i bought such a nice fucking dress yesterday

охуи́тельный - same as above

хуёвый - really bad

хуёвый у тебя́ компью́тер - виснет постоянно your computer is shit - it’s always lagging

[someone] ху́ев - said to/about someone who’s supposed/told to know how to do something or to have certain knowledge about something, but failed, and you’re judging them for “showing off” but not actually knowing what they’re doing or not doing this to the promised extent

по́вар ху́ев, ты мне что́-нибудь кро́ме карто́шки жа́реной бу́дешь гото́вить? hey “chef”, will you cook anything except friend potatoes for me?

хуй зна́ет что - something unpleasant, bad, poorly made, something that you don’t understand

снача́ла она́ ра́довалась, а тепе́рь переста́ла со мной обща́ться. хуй зна́ет что присхо́дит! she was happy at first, but then stopped talking to me at all. what is this nonsese that’s happening!

хуй с ним - fuck it (exclamation)

хуй тебе́ - said to someone when you don’t want to do something for them or give them something they ask

почи́нишь по́лку? хуй тебе́, сама́ чини́ will you fix the shelf? fuck no, do it yourself

похуи́зм - the state or trait of not caring about anything (usually positive connotation)

тебе́ для сча́стья не хвата́ет немно́го похуи́зма to be happy you need to care a bit less

похуи́ст - a person who doesn’t care too much (usually positive connotation)

како́го ху́я - what the fuck?!
ху́ли/ху́ле - same as above, but usually used in full questions, whereas the above can be used on its own

оди́н хуй - it doesn’t matter, it makes no difference

я и во́ду пил, и дыха́ние заде́рживал - оди́н хуй ика́ю i drank water and held my breath - and i still get hiccups

хуета́/хуита́/хуйня́ - (1) something unpleasant or hard to understand (2) a thing you and the person you’re talking to know about

(1) что за хуйню́ ты тут написа́л? я да́же не понима́ю, что ты име́л в виду́ what the fuck have you written? i don’t even understand what you were trying to say
(2) пода́й мне э́ту хуйню́ с ру́чкой give me that thing with a handle

хуёвина - same as (2) above

страда́ть хуйнёй - to do nothing productive, to do something which seems really useless

ле́том мне надое́ло страда́ть хуйнёй, и я реши́л нача́ть учи́ть но́вый язы́к in the summer i got tired of doing nothing and decided to start learning a new language

спор́оть хуйню́ - to say something dumb or something which doesn’t make sense (incoherent, etc)

вчера́ напи́лся и споро́л каку́ю-то хуйню́, а тепе́рь она́ ду́мает, что она́ мне нра́вится i drank too much yesterday and said something dumb, and now she thinks i like her

хуйло́/хуесо́с - an unpleasant/dumb person whose behaviour is questionable

ну ты и хуесо́с! ты заче́м мою́ соба́ку побри́л? you’re a moron! why did you shave my dog?

хуя́к - denotes a sudden, quick and/or unexpected action

ката́юсь я, а пото́м хуя́к на лёд! so i’m skating, and then bam - i fell on the ice!

хуя́се! / (ну) нихуя́ себе́! / нихуя́! / хуя́! - an exclamation of surprise (you’re impressed)

нахуя́риться / нахуя́читься - to drink too much

смехуёчки - funny things, funny pictures/jokes/stories

Red Jamie and the White Lady AU - Part 1

Well, this is the random plot bunny I had earlier today. I really have NO idea where this is going. I’m really intrigued by it though, so we’ll all have to wait and see I suppose. Tell me if you think I should continue on with this or just let it die. Not sure how many parts it should/will have. 

I don’t think I’ve ever written anything with Geillis in it before, so I’m not sure how well it works. Let me know what y’all think!!


Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp was a practical woman - belief in fairy tales, knights in shining armor, and love everlasting just didn’t have a place in her life. Geillis Duncan, her best friend and roommate, was the complete opposite. Claire often wondered to herself how they’d become friends, with so little in common.

“I don’t believe you,” Geillis said one night, tossing her thick, blonde hair over one shoulder.

“It doesn’t matter if you believe me. That has no bearing on the truth.”

Geillis’ green eyes rolled hard and she finished her glass of whiskey.

“How can you not believe in true love?”

“Because it doesn’t exist! Love is just a chemical reaction between two people who find each other visually appealing. Nothing more.”

“You mean to tell me,” Geillis said, sitting forward in her seat. “That you don’t believe your parents didn’t love each other?”

The blood drained from Claire’s naturally pale face.

“That was low and you know it.”

“Just because it still hurts doesn’t mean you should avoid it. They loved each other, didn’t they?”

“I wouldn’t know. I was too young when they both died. You know that, Geillis. Why would you bring it up?”

Her best friend, and often best source of irritation, stared at her curiously.

“There’s something about you, Claire. Always has been. Like you belong somewhere else.”

Claire grabbed Geillis’ bottle of her favorite whiskey and looked at it dramatically.

“Exactly how much was in this when you started drinking?”

“I’m not drunk! But I believe you are the product of true love, and that’s a rare thing. EVEN IF,” she said loudly to interrupt Claire’s protest. “You don’t believe in it, I do. And true love is the most powerful magic in the universe.”

With a sigh, she put the cap back on the whiskey and took her empty glass to the kitchen. They’d had this discussion before, at least a hundred times. But Claire was a practical woman. True love wasn’t practical or useful.

A small part of her, and she’d never admit this to Geillis, also believed no man had yet been worthy of her love - had she any to give. Even the one she was currently seeing was a calculated choice, not an infatuation. Frank was smart, had a successful career as a university professor, and had a good future. Herself newly finished with her medical training, she saw a comfortable future with Frank. Perhaps a child or two, once they got married. He was the practical choice, a good match of intellect and physical attraction. What else was there to look for in a man?

“You talk like you’ve felt this elusive true love before.”

“And what if I have?” Geillis asked from the depths of her room. “Would that change anything for you?”

“I can count on one fist the number of men you’ve loved, Geillis Duncan. We’ve been friends far too long for you to get away with that.”

Geillis returned to the front room dressed in her favorite baggy shirt and trousers, ready for their weekly film date.

“You cannot!”

Claire held up a fist and tried to count her fingers.

“That’s… None. Geillis, you’ve never been in love with anyone.”

“That is not true! I fall in love all the time! I LOVE love!”

“Nooo,” Claire said slowly, walking down to her own room. “You fall in lust. You bring him home, shag the hell out of him, and send him packing before the sheets have cooled.”

As she, too, dressed in her sleeping outfit, she heard Geillis snort.

“Just because I fall in love all the time doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.”

“I long for the day,” Claire said, emerging as Geillis put a DVD into the player. “When you finally meet the man you’re just meant to be with. We’ll see what you say then.”

Those too-green eyes lit and glinted at her.

“You said when. Not if. When. As if you believe it could happen…”

“It could happen to you, perhaps. Not to me. I don’t have any use for those sorts of things.”

Geillis hit play on the DVD remote, but turned to face Claire on their small couch.

“What if I could prove it.”

“Hush, Geillis. The film is starting.”

After making a sound of irritation, she paused the movie and waited for Claire to look at her.

“So? What if I could prove it?”

“You can’t.”

“But if I could?”

Claire shrugged, at a loss. She had no idea what it was Geillis was getting at.

“What if you could? What do you want?”

“I want you to fall in love. That reckless, all-consuming passion. You can’t expect me to believe that beanpole you’re seeing is a good lover.”

Claire’s face, always too easy to read and too pale, flushed deep red. Geillis smiled, smelling victory.

“I’ll have you know Frank is an excellent lover. NOT that it’s any of your business.”

“Would you leave Frank if you knew there was something better out there, waiting for you? If I could prove to you that true love does exist?”

With a sigh, Claire knew they’d never get this movie properly started while Geillis was fixated on something.

If, and that’s a very BIG if, you could prove to me, without a doubt, that true love exists and I have some bloody soul mate waiting for me out there, yes. I’d leave Frank.”

A triumphant smile came to Geillis’ lips and she settled back in her seat, smug. There was no way in hell Claire would leave Frank, though. But she knew Geillis well enough by now to know that the only way to get her to stop was to give her what she wanted.

“Good. Because we’ve an appointment with a powerful psychic tomorrow.”

Claire barely contained her moan of irritation. This wouldn’t be the first time, or the last, that Geillis had dragged her to some psychic’s shop to have her palms read. The only benefit from those trips came in the form of Geillis paying for both their sessions and taking her out to lunch after.

“Besides,” Geillis said, hitting ‘play’ on the remote again. “It’s not as if Frank’s even proposed yet.”

***

Grudgingly, Claire followed her crazy best friend into a very ordinary looking shop. There were no signs or posters anywhere advertizing it as a psychic’s place of business. It didn’t really look like a shop at all, really. Claire was beginning to wonder if Geillis had set her up on a blind date. Again.

“Geillis, if you’ve-”

She stopped suddenly when she saw a large figure looming in a doorway.

“Morning, ladies. I take it you’re my first appointments?”

“Yes,” Geillis said, popping up from nowhere. “We are. I’m-”

“Please,” his deep, strong voice came. “Don’t tell me anything. It taints the reading.”

He stepped out from the shadows and Claire looked up to meet his eyes. They were a curious shade of blue, seemingly shifting in hue as she looked at them. The hair on his head was short and bright red, with a hint of a curl at the very tips. His eyes narrowed as he looked her over.

“I’ll see you first,” he announced abruptly.

Claire was about to protest and insist that Geillis had the first appointment, but he didn’t wait for her to agree. Instead, he turned and strode off into a back room, clearly expecting Claire to follow.

“Geillis you owe me,” she hissed as she rushed after him.

“Tell me everything!” Geillis called back.

The room was nothing like she expected. No crystal balls on a red velvet tablecloth, no candles or incense burning, no dim lighting or macabre art on the walls. It was quite simply, a plain sitting room. A small table had a teapot and settings for two, biscuits, and two large, comfortable looking chairs.

“Would you like some tea, Miss Beauchamp?”

Her mouth fell open, staring up at him.

“Did-”

“No,” he interrupted. “Geillis didn’t tell me anything about you. I’m not even the one that makes appointments.”

“So what are-”

She cut herself off when he offered her a cup of tea.

“You think I’m a fraud.”

Hiding her face behind the elegant cup, she tried to come up with an answer.

“That wasn’t a question, Miss Beauchamp, but a statement of fact.”

“Oh.”

“Not your first time visiting a psychic then?”

Claire’s eyes rolled.

“No.”

She was in the habit of giving out as little information as possible. That was how the others had worked, sucking information out of you until they could lie enough to convince you to believe it.

“I’m Jamie Fraser. When you’ve finished with your tea, I’ll read the leaves.”

“No crystal balls or seance?”

He shot her a wicked grin and shook his head.

“Well we’re not here to call up the dead, are we? I was given to understand you’re looking for your soulmate.”

Yet again, her mouth fell open.

“I… How did-”

“I’m very good at reading people, Miss Beauchamp. And you are quite an easy read, more so than most.”

“How in the hell do you always know what I’m about to say?!”

“Everything you think is written across your face, plain as day. As for the other things, well… Let’s just call it a family trait. My sister also has the Sight, though not as strong as mine. Her children will likely not inherit the gift, though it could still happen. How about we take a look at those leaves, hm?”

Handing the cup over, Claire fell silent and waited. Jamie got up and pulled an old book from a table in one corner, flipping through it for reference. His brows drew down in puzzlement.

“So tell me, oh seer. Am I to meet a tall, dark stranger and go on an adventure?”

“I’ve never seen leaves like this before,” he said absently, still staring at the table. “No’ in my whole life.”

She blinked in shock at the slip of an accent. Was he not an Englishman?

“I’d like to read your palm, if you don’t mind,” he said, sitting up suddenly. “It’ll be a part of your appointment. Won’t charge extra.”

“Oh, um… Alright?”

Holding her hands out, palm up, she offered them to him. He leaned over them, tracing the lines in her skin.

“This is quite unusual indeed.”

“What is?”

“I’ve never seen a lifeline forked like this. As if you’ve a big choice to make. Neither will lead to destruction, but one is clearly the better of the other.”

“Which one? What sort of choice?”

“I’m afraid I can’t answer those. But I can see you’ve a strong will. Always a good thing in a woman.”

His large fingers still traced her hand, warm against hers.

“Miss Beauchamp, would you mind returning later in the week for another reading? I’ve a few things I’d like to research and ask some experts about. You’re quite a mystery and I’d like to get to the bottom of it.”

“I don’t think-”

“Please?”

Meeting those unusually blue eyes, she watched them shift and change.

“Al-alright.”

“Thank you. I’m afraid I’ve taken up yours and Geillis’ appointments and my next client will be here soon.”

Claire sighed.

“Something tells me Geillis won’t mind.”

“Have a lovely day, Miss Beauchamp.”

***

As soon as the women had left the house, Jamie slipped to the back and went up the stairs. He lived on the floor above where he met clients. Most were what anyone would expect, people seeking to remove the veil of mystery from the future. Few came looking for real answers and fewer still came and didn’t believe any of it.

But this Claire Beauchamp… He was sure they’d never met before, and yet he knew her. Knew her face, the way her tawny eyes evaluated the words he spoke. Somewhere in his mind, he knew the taste of her full lips, knew the feel of her body beneath his. He knew the sounds she made in the throes of passion, or her grunt of irritation when something didn’t work the way she hoped.

There was no other appointment after Geillis and Claire, that had been a lie. But he needed to check something, just to be sure. Throwing open the door to his library, he went straight for a shelf he’d scarcely looked at in five years.

Each leatherbound book had a date on the side. They were his dream journals, or the dreams he was sure had been visions. He hadn’t had a dream like that in some time, not since his father’s passing, but he had a niggling feeling.

Closing his eyes, he opened the book and began turning the pages without looking. He suddenly stopped, feeling that he’d reached the right place. When he looked down, his heart began to beat erratically.

Sketched on one entire page was the woman he’d just met with. Her gaze was piercing, even in a sketch, and he felt as if she was looking right at him. The dark, curling hair was wild around her, not fully contained on the page. Her lips curved with the hint of a smile, like she knew something he didn’t.

Hastily, he turned the page. Only a short passage was written on the back.

I must find her. I have dreamt of her every night for a month, in flashes. I do not know her, but I know she is my very soul. She is the only person I might love. For the White Lady born of True Love could be the only match for Red Jamie. I. Must. Find. Her.


Continue to Part Two

In(g/t)rained Femininity

So, as I’m guessing pretty much all of you know by now, I’m an animal trainer and have been for some time. It recently struck me how apparent, even in myself, the effects off operant and classical conditioning are in women who’ve effectively been trained to be feminine by society. 

Let’s start with the more well known: 

Classical Conditioning pairs a neutral stimulus with an uncontrolled response. In other words, the subject doesn’t realize they’re learning. Think of the famous Pavlov’s dogs. At first, that bell meant nothing to them; it just happened to sound when they were about to get fed and was therefore a neutral stimulus. The drooling isn’t something they were doing on purpose; it was an uncontrolled response. 

How does this translate to being trained into femininity? Behold:

I was working on rearranging my apartment recently, and just didn’t have much motivation. I decided to put on a bra even though I live alone because wearing a bra makes me feel like I should be doing something. When I was about 11, a neutral stimulus (my bra) was added to a situation that already made me feel productive (going to school, work, etc) and 14 years later I’ve been classically conditioned to feel more productive when I put a bra on. 

The same could easily be said for makeup and, indeed, I used to apply makeup to make myself feel more productive as well. 

But the main difference between the two types of conditioning is that in classical conditioning it’s simply pairing a stimulus with a behavior. There’s no praise, there’s no punishment. That’s all for operant conditioning. 

Operant conditioning tries to induce or eliminate an action using positive and negative rewards and positive and negative punishment. Forget the emotional aspects of ‘positive’ and ‘negative’. Here they just mean ‘to add’ and ‘to take away’. Let’s look at the rewards. 

A girl is wearing a pretty dress. Her family gushes over her, telling her how beautiful she looks. This is a positive reward. They are adding their praise. 

The same girl enjoyed a nice holiday dinner with her family, but now it’s time to clean up. Her mother tells her to just run upstairs and play; she wouldn’t want her to get her pretty dress dirty. This is negative reward; an unpleasant task is being taken away. 

Now let’s look at the punishments.

The same girl says something rude and gets her bottom smacked. This is positive punishment, as the smack was added. Then, because she can’t act like a lady, she’s told to change out of her pretty dress which she adores because of the rewards she received. This is negative punishment; something she likes or desires is being taken away as punishment. Think of another scenario with the same girl, only now she’s asked to play outside. She’s told ‘no’; she’ll get her dress dirty. This is negative punishment as, again, something she likes or desires is being withheld to correct behavior (incorrect behavior being that she wants to play outside rather than wear a pretty dress inside)

Think of how this leaks into society even as adult women. Wearing makeup, pretty clothes, and heels can mean people are nicer to you in general or may even net you a promotion (positive reward) People offering to do things for you (negative reward) Being denied a promotion over a more feminine peer (negative punishment) Being harassed or even assaulted for being GNC (positive punishment). 

So you start to get this:

and once you try to unlearn femininity, you run into another problem. As with any animal I’ve ever worked with, the training never ends. It’s always reinforced and sometimes so subtly you can barely catch it or can’t at all. Sometimes it’s outright, ridiculous, or downright dangerous. But it’s always there. 

Food for thought. 

anonymous asked:

do you ever feel like you are just reinforcing middle-class white bourgeois values and selling them to the masses as "normal" with your revamped miss manners bs? like my uncle who's a truck driver got me and all my cousins a $5 mcdonalds gift card for christmas, are we socially inept if we don't mail him a thank you on fancy stationery? i guess my problem is how you're packaging this shit like it's the universal way to be a "grownup" but it's highly class-specific and racially inflected.

I’m sorry you feel that way. Sometimes I do wonder about that, because, yes, if you are homeless then you have waaaaaay more important concerns than thank-you notes.

Your uncle’s gift does indeed require gratitude. If he mailed it to you, you can mail him back a quick note saying you love him, you hope life on the road is treating him right, that you got three McFlurries and enjoyed the hell out of them.

There is no way anyone could write a universal guide to How to Be Human that speaks to everyone in every circumstances. And yes, I am white and grew up middle-class, though I spent seven years right at the poverty line. So what I do is reach out to literally hundreds of people who are not like me, who have had their own experiences and live in their own skin. I spend hours and hours with them, ask questions, listen, and express gratitude that they were willing to share their minds, thoughts and stories with me.

I do my best to really question my own biases — my own sexism, racism, classism — in short, the things that nearly all of us have within us because we are products of a racist, sexist, classist culture. That is not something I can do once and be done with. That is an ongoing process that will, I hope, last the rest of my life.

These things said, I think if you read my books you’ll notice that what I’m actually talking about is being kind and compassionate to the humans around you; to listen without judgement; to speak respectfully but clearly when standing up for yourself or others; to distinguish between the things said or done out in bad faith versus someone who is trying to do well, but not quite there; to cut people including yourself slack, and to buy toilet paper in bulk if apartment storage space allows. I do think many of those things are universally useful.

Finally, if you disagree with all this, I have wonderful news: you literally never have to read a single word I write. There are billions and billions of words, sounds, sights, foods, thoughts, etc. out there that are not my output. Since life is fleeting and no one is getting any younger, I would recommend spending the only thing you’ll never get more of — time, and what we do with it — in ways that enrich rather than annoy you.

A Place To Call Home pt 7

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR | PART FIVE | PART SIX

Pairing: Dylan O'Brien x Reader

Wordcount: 4,906

Warnings: Fluff with some smut ;), language

A/N: I am so sorry this took so long to get up, I was having some major writers block but I think I’m clear of it so the next part shouldn’t take as long. I have to thank @writing-obrien and @bows-and-glitterz for reading it over for me! I hope you guys like it! 

Originally posted by hopeless-hugger

Keep reading

[This fic was requested by the ever so lovely @legolasothranduilion and I think it may be the longest fic I’ve posted on here. I guess I got carried away, or made a mess of things, we’ll see. Fair warning, there are quite a few time skips so I apologize if anything is confusing]

                       I bolted upright in bed, my skin was drenched in sweat and a violent sob tore from my throat. I looked around the room but it had been just a dream, my mom was really dead but she wasn’t here with me.
           "Hey, don’t do that,“
           Barry was suddenly there, pulling me into his arms I held him to me for a couple of minutes before pulling away.
           "I’m sorry; I just had a dream about flashpoint. I just… it was such a big mistake, we shouldn’t have gone back but Barry it was simultaneously the best and worst mistake we could have made,” I croaked, and he squeezed my hand.
           "I know, I miss them too,“ he whispered.
           "We made such a mess of things, didn’t we? Cisco will barely talk to me, everything is different, Julian,” I felt a flutter in my stomach but chose to ignore it, “Julian hates us both, how do we even do this?”
           Barry smiled gently, “Together, just like we always have,”
           I smiled back at him, “How did you know I needed you?” I asked.
           He laughed lightly, “Twin telepathy,” he looked away and rubbed the back of his neck before growing more serious.
           "I had the same dream, I woke up wanting to see you and it’s a good thing I did,“
           "We’ll have to be at work in a few hours, do you want to watch Netflix with me until then?”
           "Sure,“ he said softly.

***

           "I brought coffee and donuts,” I set the box and tray down on my desk.
           "I’ll pass,“ Julian said sourly but I set the coffee on his desk anyway with a donut on top of a napkin beside it.
           "Where’s that intolerable brother of yours anyway?”
           No matter how fast Barry could run he was always late to work but he was too good at what he did to be fired for it, damn him.
           "He was asked to run an errand for Jo-“
           Julian gave me a pointed look over his microscope.
           "Detective West,” I corrected myself, before moving behind my desk and opening one of my files.
           When I had arrived to this timeline with Barry and we had met Julian it became startlingly clear that he didn’t like us, in fact, he loathed us. And yet part of me had felt something for him and that feeling had only begun to grow in spite of Julian’s cruel and sarcastic disposition. I remember defending Julian to Barry when we went out with Joe and Iris one day and all Barry could say was,
           "Of all the guys you could have picked from you choose the one that hates you?“
           When he said it like that it didn’t sound great at all, but I liked to think there was more to Julian than we knew about. If he was this passionate about people he hated I couldn’t help but wonder how passionate he would be about the people he loved.
           "If you’re going to stare at me instead of doing you work I don’t know why you bothered to come at all. At least your brother doesn’t show, whereas you sit at your desk with a ridiculous look on your face creating an illusion of productivity,” he grumbled, moving from his telescope to type something on his laptop.
           I narrowed my eyes at him, “I really think you need that coffee,”
           Julian snorted.
           "And you can criticize my work ethic and productivity all you want, but at the end of the day, I’ve opened and closed more cases than you have,“
           He looked up at me with a cold look on his face and I took a long drink of my coffee without breaking his gaze.
           "But that’s none of my business,”
           "Allen, Albert, we have a situation,“ the chief said as he entered the room.
           Julian and I looked at each other briefly before we both rose.

***Julian’s P.O.V***

           If there was one saving grace for Y/N Allen it was that she took her job seriously, unlike her brother. Sure, there were some days where she would drop off the face of the planet but at least she didn’t expect any special treatment for her absence. She accepted any consequence or task silently, she made up for the days she missed unlike her brother.
           For a second I spared her a glance, she was a few feet away talking to the chief and some of the witnesses. Though she was better at the hands on work she always seemed to step aside whenever her brother miraculously arrived. She had her hair up today as usual, she wore a dress in a rich purple with a simple cardigan but that particular shade of purple made her blue eyes even more startling.
           I looked away from her rolling my eyes at myself on the inside. I hated her less than her brother, but I still hated her. I didn’t trust them. I couldn’t.

***Y/N’s P.O.V***

           I returned to Barry’s side just as he invited Julian to the movie in the park.
           "It should be fun, we’d be happy to have you,” I chimed in with a welcoming, if slightly anticipatory smile.
           "That’s a very enticing offer, Allen’s, but I’m actually seeing my girlfriend tonight, so,“
           "Oh,” Barry and I both breathed out in unison, only Barry kept talking.
           I didn’t know he was seeing anybody. Now I just felt like an idiot, I mean I was probably an idiot before but now I felt like a bigger idiot and Barry could tell. I left them then, I felt stupid just being there and I began to bag up the body. I was grateful that when Barry came to help he didn’t say anything.

***The Next Day***

I clutched the wound on my stomach, rolling onto my side I watched as Savitar froze and vanished. Barry collapsed and relief washed over me. He was okay, we were okay, but what the hell just happened?
           "Y/N, are you okay?“ Caitlin asked, coming to my side.
           "I was just thrown around like a ragdoll and impaled by a metal giant, but other than that I am just Peachy,” I grunted.

***

           Once Caitlin had me stitched up and on the mend I didn’t stay there for long or go home for that matter, instead I went to work. Julian was there and he looked at me with distaste as usual before returning to his task.
           "Where’s your brother?“
           "There’s a family issue-”
           "And you’re not family?“ Julian said sarcastically.
           I flinched.
           "I umm, I figured I’d be more useful here,”
           "Unlikely, but that’s none of my business,“ he mocked me.
           I wasn’t in the mood to be mocked or insulted by him so I walked over to my desk and sat down quietly.
           "Did you have a nice time last night?”
           I decided to omit saying with his girlfriend.
           "Does it matter?“
           Deciding complete silence was my only option I began to work on a report. After everything that has happened, even now when he is being such an asshole, why do I feel a bit better here? Why do I find the banter (which I usually partake in) so comforting? Why is it that I can’t find any comfort amongst my brother and his friends yet I feel better just sitting across from Julian.
           "I don’t remember much of last night to be honest,”
            I perked up, “Oh, so you must have had a good time,” I laughed lightly, while continuing to type.
           "Yes, I suppose I must’ve,“ but he had taken that sarcastic tone again.
           "Did something happen with your girlfriend?” I’d regret asking that later but this was the most progress we had made conversationally.

***Julian’s P.O.V***

           "My what?“ I demanded.
           Her eyes widened a fraction, "Your girlf- I’m sorry you told Barry yesterday that you- I must have heard wrong I’m so sorry-”
           Her embarrassment was amusing, cute, and frustrating all at once.
           "That was an excuse,“ I said curtly.
           She turned to her work again looking rather cross with me, "And you say it’s Barry and I that can’t be trusted,”
           I glared at her, “I beg your pardon?”
           "You could have been honest with us, Barry was just being polite,“
           "He was just playing his part in the Barry Allen Show,”
           She rarely ever got really angry and when she did colour would rise to her cheeks and she would clench her fists like she was doing now. I liked being cruel to Barry because he deserved it, I was cruel to her because she had so much potential but she was wasting it. She was beautiful, intelligent, talented, and kind but she was throwing all of her virtues away.
           "You can think whatever you want about my brother and I, but from now on I’d appreciate it if you would keep your opinions to yourself,“
           Her tone surprised me but I moved forward in my seat anyway.
           "May I ask you a question?”
           She looked mildly surprised but cautious, “What?”
           "Why are you here?“
           Confusion knitted her brows together "I um, I work here? This is our offi-”
           "But you’re not really needed here now, are you?“
           "I’ll just ignore that because you’re obviously just being a dick right no-”
           "You’re good at your job, there is no doubt about it but I’m here and so is your brother. When he is around you fade into the background and cease to be of any use or value, so why are you here? I don’t need your brother here even though he is absent enough as it is so why would I need his shadow?“
           I had only meant to confront her, to understand why she was always handing the wheel to her brother. I wanted to know when she had accepted becoming second best to Barry. However, I did not mean for my words to cut her so deeply as to tear open a wound that had apparently already been there. She got to her feet.
           "I’m not my brother, I’m my own person-”
           "You could have fooled me-“
           "Y/N, what’s going on?” Joe had entered the room but we were only focused on each other.
           "You don’t know anything, all you do is make assumptions and sit at your desk acting like you are better than anyone who walks through that door but you’re not. You’re bitter, you’re alone, and you’re an asshole-“
           "But at least I am an individual, at least this is who I choose to be. When did you choose to be your brother? No one needs another Barry Allen, Y/N, so I’ll ask you one more time. Why. Are. You. Here?”
           She raised a hand to silence Detective West before he could speak and she cleared her throat.
           "I’m not here, I won’t be here, not anymore,“
           "What are you prattling on about?”
           "I’m saying I quit,“
           That hadn’t been what I wanted at all and I rose quickly when she began to walk to the door but I was frozen, I didn’t know what to say or what I could say. She turned back to face me as she stood in the doorway, looking as though she wanted to say more but instead she said thickly,
           "I wish you the best of luck in the future, Mr. Albert,” and with that she was gone.
           I slowly sunk back down into my seat, running a hand down my face. What did I just do?
           "Why the hell would you do something like that?“ Detective West demanded.
           "I didn’t think she’d quit-”
           "I don’t think you thought at all before saying what you just did, and as unprofessional as all of this is I think after what just happened it doesn’t really matter,“
           "Detective West-”
           "No, I’m talking now. You don’t know her, you may have worked with her for a year now but you don’t know a damn thing about Y/N. She didn’t deserve that,“
           "I know she didn’t,”
           "Then what the hell were you thinking?“
           "I wasn’t thinking… exactly. But can you honestly tell me what I said wasn’t true?” I demanded.
           "You don’t think she knows? You don’t think she is aware that even though she is Barry’s twin she is always being compared to him? She has had a hard life, her parents died, and god rest their souls, they clearly favoured Barry. And even though I love her like a daughter there was a disconnect between us that wasn’t there with Barry and I knew she could feel it. She never felt like she was good enough and she would push herself too hard. When she was eighteen she disappeared without a trace, no one could find her, we thought she was dead. Three years later she got in contact with Barry; she started sending us postcards and then he managed to talk her into coming back,“ Joe was silent for a few seconds.
           I couldn’t meet his eyes, I felt like I didn’t deserve to have been told any of that, I was too cruel to her. I had always been cruel to her, more so than Barry, because A. I didn’t trust her and B. I thought she needed a firm hand to realize she was settling for mediocrity. Though my intentions weren’t entirely good that part was, I don’t know her, but I know what she is capable of and she wasn’t utilising it at her brother’s hip.
           "She never told us what she got up to when she was gone, but I don’t think all of it was good. I know you never liked her or Barry, but bottom line is you don’t know them, and to tell you the truth, you’re missing out on two amazing people,”
           And with that he was gone. I stared down at the file on my desk before glancing over at hers; and with a violent yell I knocked everything off of my desk. I have to apologize to her, make things right, she has to know I give a damn.

***
           Both The Flash and his female companion Sonic appeared between me and the meta Caitlin Snow. What I didn’t seem to understand was why one of them didn’t just grab her from behind but I felt it best to keep my opinions to myself.
           "She’s willing to hurt someone! Knock her out!“
           Sonic turned to me and in an instant I was plunged into darkness.

***Y/N’s P.O.V***

           I hadn’t meant to hit him so hard, even if he did have that one coming. I resisted the urge to kneel down and check on him because we had bigger problems.
           "Like you both helped your mother?”
           I rose, turning slowly, “Caitlin…” Barry and I said in unison.
           "You both keep messing with everyone’s lives, wrecking everything, and we’re left behind to pick up the pieces from your mistakes! Some things you break you can’t put back together!“
           "I can fix this,” Barry said thickly.
           "We messed up, we know that, but we’re trying to make it right. Please let us try to make this right,“ I whispered.
           "Like you made it right with Cisco? Oh wait, you didn’t. You can’t fix his family now can you? You didn’t tell Cisco you guys screwed him worst of all did you?”
           I held Barry’s hand as Caitlin turned to the camera, “You hear that Cisco? Dante was alive, healthy and happy until Barry and Y/N created flashpoint! When they reset things, that’s what killed him. They are the reason your brother is dead,”
           "Albert’s down, shoot her!“
           Barry grabbed Caitlin and we ran out of the way of the gunfire.
           "What’s our play-”
           Barry’s pain filled scream caused me to jerk around, my hands burned as I made a move to use my flames against her but she froze my torso and I couldn’t move.
           "Don’t follow me!“
           Barry and I looked between each other as she ran off and I wished with everything in me we could take back Flashpoint. I would give anything to erase what we did, even if in that timeline my parents loved me too.

*** (After Cisco confronts Barry and Y/N over the death of his brother)

           I found Cisco gearing up, when he looked at me I couldn’t help but feel like I had lost him forever. I was closer to Cisco than I was to Caitlin, I loved Caitlin and I would do anything to help her but… Cisco always knew what to say. He was my best friend and I hated that I had hurt him so badly.
           "I know you probably don’t want to listen to anything I have to say right now… I also know we don’t have long because we have to look for Caitlin… but I need you to let me attempt to explain-”
           "What’s there to explain? My brother is dead because of you and Barry, end of story.“
           "No,” I said firmly, “Not end of story,”
           He made a move to leave but I stepped in front of him, “Let me just say what I have to say and if you choose to hate me I will accept that,”
           His eyes narrowed, “Five minutes, that’s it,”
           I nodded, clearing my throat.
           "You know how you asked us to bring Dante back? You begged us, you pleaded-“
           "But you wouldn’t even though you both did it for yoursel-”
           "We did it before Dante died. We wouldn’t do it because we realized what a mistake we had made,“
           "You think that fixes things?”
           "No,“ I whispered, "No, I know nothing will ever be the same again… but you begged us to bring back Dante. You can understand that grief, that desperation… so when our dad died-”
           "You didn’t even like your dad-“
           "But he was still my dad… I was still hurting… and I couldn’t let Barry do it alone. Flashpoint was great while it lasted, but we realized how badly we screwed up. We thought we paid the consequence when we had to watch our mom die again, but it turns out we have so much more to pay for. We never meant to hurt you, we never meant to hurt anyone, we just wanted the ones we loved back too. We just didn’t realize we’d lose more people we loved in the process,” I swallowed hard.
           "I know none of this matters to you, it doesn’t bring Dante back… I just wanted you to know that we are so sorry, I’m sorry, and I hope one day I can make it right,“
           I left the room then, raising my chin and composing myself for the coming mission.

***(A few days later) Julian’s P.O.V***

           Allen had come to me to ask about the Philosophers Stone, his clear inability to tell right from wrong in regards to his friend Caitlin had served only to make me hate him more. However, I couldn’t help but risk losing a bit of my pride in asking about Y/N. I wanted to see her again, to apologize… and to perhaps tell her… I just needed to see her. There was a moment where I came close but Ms. West seemed all too eager to get in my way.
           Barry seemed less than inclined to extend any apology, but he did tell me she was doing well. She had found herself a new occupation none the less as an [insert dream occupation here]. Even though she was probably aligned with her brother in regards to this Caitlin business I hoped she was happy. I hoped one day our paths would cross again.
           ***Y/N’s P.O.V***

           Just when I think I am done with Julian Albert he is thrown back into my life. I was no longer angry at him though, I was concerned, I was concerned because Julian was Alchemy.
Only I knew in my gut that he was only a pawn, I knew it even before Joe or Barry confirmed my suspicions but Barry and I ran down to Julian’s cell regardless.
           "Have you been blacking out? Hours passing, waking up somewhere different and not being sure how you got there?”
           Julian shook his head, “No,”
           He was lying; I could tell… he was afraid.
           "No?“ I prodded.
           "No. I’ve had enough of these baseless accusations and these ridiculous theories of yours,”
           "We’re trying to help you, but you need to trust us,“ Barry said firmly.
           "Says the pair in masks,”
           Barry looked at me and we both nodded. He removed his mask first and stepped into the light. A look of pure satisfaction crossed over Julian’s face.
           "I should have known, I should have guessed it! The unexplained absences, your passion for meta’s, your general thumbing your nose at authority. I’m sure you had a good laugh behind my back. But if you’re The Flash that mean she’s-“
           I stepped forward and removed my mask, "Barry’s shadow, hello Julian,”
           He looked away from me quickly and back to Barry.
           "I seriously wish I could have told you before,“ Barry whispered.
           "So why tell me now?”
           "Because we need you to trust us, you are Alchemy. I just don’t think you’re aware of it,“ I said.

***(After everything with Savitar)***

           I didn’t go straight to Joe’s, instead I went home and had a nice long shower, got dressed, and went down to the CCPD to grab the rest of my things. For some reason after everything that happened today it seemed like a good thing to do. I was almost done when I heard someone clear their throat and I looked up to see Julian standing in the doorway.
           "I’ll be out of here in a minute,”
           "No, please, stay as long as you like,“ he whispered.
           He looked broken, scared, and dressed for a party he said he wasn’t going to attend. I couldn’t help but soften a little towards him.
           "You look like you could use a drink,”
           "Try several,“ he laughed half heartedly.
           I reached into my box and pulled out a small bottle of brandy, "Will this work?”
           He smiled softly, “That’s excellent, thank you,”
           He leaned against the desk beside me, our arms almost touching and I took a sip of brandy before handing the bottle over to him.
           "A while back, the fifteen year old boy with the hologram, I almost killed him. The monster we were chasing was just his hologram Flash- your brother, came to save the day. And he saved me from doing something,“ he choked off and I rested a hand on his forearm.
           "You don’t have to say-”
           "Please,“ he whispered, his blue eyes meeting mine.
           "I owe you an apology and this is how it starts,”
           Squeezing his arm I took the bottle from him and took a drink before nodding to urge him to continue.
           "What’s sad was the kid was just acting because he was scared, you know? He wanted everyone to be terrified of him and to run away from the monster so he could feel powerful. I know what that’s like,“
           "So do I, but I’d like to know what you mean by that,”
           "I come from a pretty wealthy family, back in England. It’s a long line of generations of old money, tradition, nonsense really. And I was the heir, I was their firstborn son, I was supposed to inherit the lot. But I was the odd duck who would rather go in the garden and collect samples of insects. Rather than learn how to tie a Windsor knot or which fork to use first at dinner. I wanted more, you know?“
           "You made the right choice,” I whispered.
           My heart squeezed as he told me all of this. To have been so deprived of any information about him only to receive it in kind was different to say the least. I saw myself in him, only he ran away to better himself when I just… ran away.
           "I came here to do the one thing they couldn’t stop me from doing, becoming a scientist. Becoming a great scientist, and then just as I got to the top of my field the world changes over night. Meta-humans. I don’t know a single thing about meta-humans. I don’t know how they talk, how they walk, I certainly don’t know the first thing about stopping them, so,“ he took the bottle and took a long drink of brandy
           "I’m rendered useless, I suppose that’s the monster I’m running from now, just feeling powerless,”
           "Even the powerful feel powerless, Julian. Take it from someone who knows,“
           "I know. What my sad story is trying to convey is that I know what it’s like to be held up to standards and expectations that you feel you can never meet. I understand what it’s like to feel out of place, I’m truly sorry for the way I handled things. I just projected my own anger for myself onto you in a way. We are both running and I want us both to stop being so afraid, you know?”
           He looked at me when I didn’t reply and I took in his features for a moment. His face which once seemed so harsh and cold to me had grown softer and more open. I hesitantly reached out and took his hand. For a moment he looked startled before he interlaced his fingers with mine.
           "If anything I should be thanking you, you were right. I was living my life thinking that I would never measure up to Barry,“
           I let my hand drop, "But I never will measure up to him because I’m not Barry. I’m just me… it was about time I started living a life I chose for myself,”
           Clearing my throat I straightened, feeling warm from the brandy.
           "Apology accepted, and thank you,“
           "Does this mean you’ll come back to the CCPD?”
           I smiled, “You said it yourself, you guys don’t need me. I love it here, but [insert dream occupation here] is my true calling. Merry Christmas, Julian,”
           Julian rose as well so we stood a mere inches apart and I felt his hand trail down my arm.
           "There’s something else,“
           "Yeah, and what’s that?” I asked breathlessly.
           "You look beautiful tonight, you have always looked so damned beautiful I could scarcely stand it sometimes,“
           "Is that all?”
           "Not even close,“ He brushed a lock of hair from my face and I felt like my heart was going to burst from my chest.
           "I have loved you, I think from the very first moment I met you with your frustrating kindness, your intolerable generosity, and your infuriating abundance of optimism. You challenge me, you make me laugh, and I find that for some reason even when I thought I hated you when I was around you, you felt like-”
           "Home?“
           His nose brushed against mine, I felt his breath on my lips as he said "Exactly,” before they pressed against mine. His lips were soft, warm, and inviting. We kissed for a long time, each second making the kiss grow in intensity before I finally pulled away.
           "How would you like to attend a Christmas party with me?“
           "It would be a privilege,”

anonymous asked:

Hey, I was wondering, I don't know if you have done something like this but could you do the RFA+V+Saeran reacting to MC caught attempting suicide/the aftermath of them attempting suicide? It's OK if that's too much tho

a message from me. if, at any point, you ever feel suicidal - please tell someone. whether its someone that you know, or don’t, please just talk to someone about it. listed here are suicide hotlines around the world. please if you ever need someone, call.

i love you all, despite not knowing a lot of you, so please if you ever need help and don’t have anyone to turn to, message me. i’ve been through this, sometimes this year i’ve gone through it, so i’m not completely oblivious.

i can say that talking does help; hell, talking has put me onto a list for therapy. so please do reach out if you need help.

anyway, this request is under a cut because it will contain suicidal thoughts, tendencies and self-harming.


Also I know I missed out V and Saeran. I’m writing them separately.

Keep reading

A long shout out to the amazing franchise owner

He (“Y”) hired me almost two and a half years ago as part of the original crew that set up the store before it opened and then continued working there as the cashiers, shift leaders etc.

Y called me to come to a face-to-face interview we’ve though I had been rude to him on the phone (I was involved in a car accident a few hours before he called. I was ok but the car got smooshed a bit).

When he ordered work shirts for all of us, he got them to make two shirts specially for me because I don’t fit into their standard sizes. I’m in the process of losing weight right now, so my goal is to stick around there until I will be able to fit into their standard size shirt.

Some time later he told me that at first he hesitated to hire me because I didn’t seem to be the type that fits in this company, but he decided to give me a chance anyway. (Prior to this job I had a very unimpressive work experience)

He gave me some support and solid advice when I was going through a very difficult time with my mom, and when she passed away, he, as well as the manager, the accountant and my closest friend there all came to the funeral, which was an hour and a half away, and a few days later to my apartment for the Shiva.

During the first few months afterwards, he never said anything when I would take a few minutes to sit in the kitchen and cry, and when my cat died about two weeks ago, he was nothing but kind and understanding.

Yesterday, I was at the cash register - I’m good at stocking shelves and updating price stickers on products, but I’m also the slowest lol and there was a lot to do, so I sat at the register.

I was waiting for a phone call, but we’re not allowed to answer our phones in the store. Y was in the aisle right in front of me, I asked him what I could do and he said, “give me the phone, I’ll answer for you.”

(I requested a company to come pick something of mine from the store and the delivery guy was supposed to call to let me know he was on his way)

The guy called and Y answered the phone as soon as it started ringing and even gave him directions on how to get there. He let me clock out to deal with this and then return to the shift.

anonymous asked:

I'm sad you finished the Bokuroo week, you draw them so rarely now and I just miss my boys so much

anon please don’t try to guilt trip me into drawing more bokuro that’s kinda very rude I realize no one really reads tags so I’m gonna just say it here again - as I mentioned before, this period is really damn busy for me because for whatever reason all my fandoms and ships have decided to hold their ship weeks all together in the span of 20 days and I’m a sucker for this kind of events which means I wanna participate in everything and end up being unable to put actual effort in everything else for a while

THAT SAID how productive I am with a specific ship depends a lot on how much they’re appearing in the main story (currently in the bokuros’ case it’s a very pretty round zero), how responsive/respectful the fandom is when I do post about them (the bokuro fandom is amazing!!! Everyone around it that still keeps on trying to make it about other ships and turn my art into something it’s not supposed to be, not so much) and how much content for said ship I can consume through the fandom/how easily accessible it is (there’s very little content for bokuro in general and try and look for stuff in the tags it’s all about other ships/ot3s or ot4s/unrequited or past-relationship/tagged-but-only-as-brotp)

I really, really, really love that ship a whole damn lot still, trust me, but when I have so little inspiration coming from anything that could give it to me and at the same time I got other ships making me super creative, I’m naturally bound to produce less for it. I’m not abandoning it, I’m just asking you to be patient when my creativity doesn’t happen to be focused on them for a while

Anan Season Two Speculation

In light of the Second Season announcement, here are some comments from some of the Osomatsu-San cast and crew (made prior to the announcement) regarding what they’d like to see taken from interviews in the recent Anan special.

Endo Aya (Totoko)

Question: If you had another chance to play Totoko…

Answer: I’m kind of curious about how she spent her childhood with the sextuplets, so I’d like to do Osomatsu-kun or something from that era. I’m really curious as to when they started to have that kind of relationship.

Hashimoto Yukari (Background music composer)

Question: If there were another season, what kind of songs would you like to write for the sextuplets?

Answer: I want to do a musical! Having the sextuplets sing and dance would be good too, but a story where they go see a musical also sounds fun… Doing it as a joke would be ok, but it might be even funnier to do it super seriously. I’m getting excited just thinking about what the story might be like. Just going ahead with a whole musical for 30 minutes? Wow, that’d be tough, lol. Honestly, it’s more like I want to watch it than make it. I think it would probably be very entertaining.

Technoboys (Produced the ending songs)

Note: Earlier in the interview they talked about how they were inspired by popular dance music when making the original ending themes and also about the Osomatsu-kun ending songs - the first anime having a jazzy ending and the second a traditional Japanese festival like song.

Question: If there were another season, what kind of sound would you like to create?

Fujimura: …Hmm, if it’s what’s hot right now then something like acid jazz?

Matsui: That could work. That would be like coming back around again. Well, in terms of the roots of dance music.

Fujimura: If that’s the case, then why not go back even further and do a Japanese folk dance song? That’s Japanese dance music!

Matsui: So we end up there, lol.

Honma Michiyuki (CEO of Pierrot)

Question: Even while the first season was still airing, lots of people were anticipating a second season. As CEO, do you have any plans in relation to this?

Answer: Of course, I heard people talking about that and I’m very grateful. This is only a what-if, but I think it might be good to just go ahead and do it without hesitation. This is not just the case for Osomatsu-san and could be said about any hit series, but people tend to get worked up when it comes to a part two. They can think that they have to do something different, or if it fails, they can come under fire from people saying “You should have ended it after the first part.” So I want them to start it as if nothing had happened, not changing anything and with the same level of energy as before, without getting too worked up. But saying that, the production staff of Osomatsu-san probably aren’t the type of people to feel much pressure. I think they possess the ability to even enjoy that pressure.  

On living with a family that doesn’t value academia

When I got home for the holidays my grandma asked me how my keystone was coming along, and it’s hard to explain so I said I’d just show her (something I do for very few people). This post gives a very brief overview of what I’ve done so far. It’s quite abstract and sometimes difficult to justify to myself why doing this is productive (despite my academic mentor being excited about it). She looked a bit skeptical throughout my explanation and at the end she asked how, specifically, it’s useful. And I tried to explain that the product isn’t really the valuable part of this project, but rather the skills and experience gained by directing my own “research,” for lack of a better word. After all, not many people are going to produce new and valuable academic work in their undergrad.

And she said “no, what actual, tangible skills are you getting that will help you get a job.” Since apparently nothing I do matters unless it helps me make money. It was a little disappointing to disregard everything specific to the work I had done and say that, if nothing else, learning about how to communicate with technology through code is incredibly useful and widely applicable. Her own lack of understanding of how technology works means that she still wasn’t satisfied, and that I was left basically telling her to trust me that it’s not useless.

A couple days after that my dad made a comment about living with four women (my mom, my two sisters, and myself, so far as I can be considered an “woman”), which he frequently does as if it was somehow a burden on him. Ignoring the fact that neither of us are very feminine (not that it’s relevant to my argument anyways), I tried to explain how relying on socially constructed gender stereotypes when he says stuff like that completely undermines his argument. I brushed over the fact that I feel nothing like a woman whatsoever. My sexist, hypermasculine brother refuted the fact that gender is largely socially constructed by saying, “girls are fucking crazy!” as if men, by contrast, are somehow not.

This led to a whole big discussion about gender, to which I brought my academic perspective, having talked a lot about gender in various courses, and to which my mom brought her experience of raising kids and seeing her friends raise their kids. She argued that there definitely are specific (biological) gender differences. I tried to explain that unconscious bias is quite powerful and might have influenced her observations and interpretations, and so they are not in fact 100% objective.

The crux of this debate was the fact that my ideas were purely academic and my mom’s were purely experiential. While both types of knowledge are important, neither one can get you to the place of the other. It is often the case that someone goes their whole life, maybe even being successful, knowing very little of the world around them simply because they haven’t been educated. Of course, life experience can expose you to quite advanced academic ideas, but any student will tell you that many things you learn at school (maybe even a majority depending on your field) cannot be learned through life experience. Academic education informs life experience, in every possible case.

My biggest issue here is that my family is not academic and doesn’t value academia. Every one of us has been successful in school, and are arguably quite bright, but I haven’t even completed my undergrad and I am officially the most educated person in the family (like even my extended family). Not only am I the most formally educated, but I have spent my life being curious, so I know a little about a lot of things, and a lot about a few things. So when my sister, to no one in particular, asks why lactose intolerance is so common, and I explain that actually the majority of the world can’t digest lactose because of agricultural evolution (a simple google-able fact), my family laughs in my face and says that probably isn’t true. They undermine everything in my knowledge base that they don’t already agree with, or think they know.

I’m not an expert, but I feel like I shouldn’t have to justify my existence to anyone.

anonymous asked:

Hey Brian!I just wanted to say how much I adore the musical work you do on Star. It really is a true jem of a show that my sisters and I (of huge age gaps) love. I know that this may be really irrelevant but I don’t really have anyone in my life to completely go to this for. So far I have been fired from two jobs in the past few years, and while this kind of seems shallow I don’t see why. I have always been a hard-working person and I always gave 100% to everything I did (1/2)

(cont’d) I have asked my previous employers for feedback, before you recommend that btw. As someone who is now an accomplished person, what do you think is wrong? Do I need more soul searching, better resume, etc. Sorry for bombarding you with this (2/2)

Hi Anon! This is a hard question, because there are lots of questions I have on my end that I feel like would be necessary to give you a reasonably detailed answer (what’s your field? how long have you been working? where in the country do you live? what is the general economic status there? etc etc etc). 

However, I will say that getting fired or passed over for jobs is something that my wife and I (and basically everyone else in the entertainment industry) are VERY familiar with. For every industry success story you hear, that person probably had 100 failures. (Some high-up TV exec once told Jon Hamm to his face that he would never be a TV star. He said that to Jon Hamm’s ABSURDLY HANDSOME FACE.) It’s hard, and it beats down on your self-esteem, and you constantly feel like you are being judged by unknowable criteria for which you have zero control. And I have felt the same way after every other job I’ve had that went south. (I did a lot of other jobs before becoming a composer. I sold shoes for 2 years!)

I have failed a lot, and continue to do so, but I don’t post about it here because it’s not that interesting, and social media allows us to broadcast our successes and bury our failures. Focusing on things you can control, like your resumé, soul-searching, definitely helps, but for me, I only start to get somewhere productive when I look at the problems underneath the problems.

Hypothetical example – let’s say I got fired from someplace and the employer said I wasn’t enthusiastic enough. On the surface, this might seem like a call to raise my general energy level, maybe drink a lot of coffee before coming to work, listen to Jock Jams during my commute to get pumped up, etc. But underneath, maybe it means that I actually HATE what I’m doing, and no amount of 5-Hour Energy could change that. Maybe I should try something else? (Has happened to me.)

Second hypothetical example – let’s say an employer says I don’t “fit in” with the company’s or industry’s atmosphere, etc. On the surface, I could think that means I need to change the way I dress or act or talk. Or, it could mean that I just don’t fit in with the sort of people who worked at that company, and for my next job, I should find someplace that employs people more likeminded. (Has also happened to me. Okay, so these aren’t “hypothetical.”)

Again, not sure where you live or the economic status there, so I apologize if these examples seem out of touch or liberal snowflake-y. But I think they still make a general point.

So yeah, I have no idea why you were let go, and maybe it’s for reasons that are completely beyond our control and you’ve just hit a spat of bad luck, and any advice won’t help at all. It happens. But as you look for your next thing, I would say you should remember that every failure is an opportunity to look at what is going on underneath the surface, and identifying these deeper questions and answering them not only helps us figure out what we are supposed to do for a living, but also helps us become better, more focused, more whole people.

I wish you the best of luck with one of life’s most constant but rewarding struggles.

DADVICE RETURNS!

HOW TO STUDY BIOLOGY

One of the few things I’m actually alright at is biology. I’m not the best, of course, but I know a few hints and tips that might help you along the way.

preparation

Get your pens, pencils, ruler, eraser, etc. all together and within hands’ reach; if you have everything scattered around and your phone next to you, you will become distracted. By having everything near you, you won’t have to get up and search for various equipment and therefore wasting time. Have a clear desk, only have the necessary things in your work area, don’t spend ages stressing over where your ruler is when it’s hidden under a stack of paper when you could’ve been doing something more productive. Always have a textbook nearby, you may have written something in your notes that you don’t fully understand or doesn’t make sense so look it up, also textbooks tend to have some extra information that either wasn’t said in class or you missed.

homework

i know it seems like a waste of the time and that it’s mostly pointless but 80% of homework actually benefits you, whether it’s researching structures of cells, adaptations of animals or the human body, it’s being set for a reason. i don’t know if all teachers/schools do this but I occasionally get short exam questions - about 2 questions on the topic the class is focusing on - and this gives you a taster of what questions you might expect in a future test/exam, take not of these since these can sometimes come up in the test itself.

diagrams

diagrams appear constantly in biology and these are vital. depending on how artistic you are feeling either copy down diagrams into your notes and revision or print some off and do the same. make sure you annotate these diagrams — a blank picture is going to do you nothing — add in key details that you think will benefit your understanding. if you’re studying a topic that includes process eg. mitosis/meiosis or the menstrual cycle, take note of each stage and what occurs or changes. you can create a flow diagram to show each step, make a clear table to explain definitions or make/find questionnaires on the topic.

colour coding

if your book or textbook had underlining or highlighting you will find information quickly, guaranteed. create a key that explains what you’re highlighting, but only colour the minimum you need, as the point of this is to show the most important pieces of information; not make the page look pretty.

know how you learn

some people have certain learning styles such as visual, audio, kinesthetic or verbal. know your style, it’ll make things easier. there are quizzes online to help decipher which is yours. once you’ve found what it is you can create revision that you can understand better. for example, visual learners may like to have sticky notes placed around the house to read as they walk around their home; it depends on what you’re comfortable with.

write down the necessary

during the test, look at how many marks a question is worth. from this you’ll know how many points to make and how much you need to explain it. if you have a set amount of time on tests, don’t spend it all on one question that’s worth 2 marks when you could be working on a 6 marker. think logically about how should spend your time on questions and how much writing is necessary. if you are a slow writer, like myself, you won’t have time to pour your heart and soul into a 1 mark question, you need to be aware of your timing, try to answer all questions.

help

if you really are struggling then don’t worry, help will be offered. you can either ask another family member who isn’t busy or ask for a mentor/tutor at school; outside of school, you can also look up videos that also explain the subject: there are plenty to chose from. its perfectly fine if you don’t understand at first, because not everything clicks at the very beginning.

hope this helped a little and if you ever need help, feel free to ask :)

Jealous

Requested by: Anonymous 

Summary: Tyler gets jealous because some guys are looking at you

Masterlist 

Your Pov: 

It was just an ordinary day. Tyler was finally home from tour and we had nothing planned for the day. All day we were just chilling. Sitting on the couch and watching TV, you know the usual. We were about halfway through our third movie when Tyler decided to speak up. 

“We should do something today.” He said to me. 

“We are doing something today, we are watching movies.” I told him with a little sass in my voice. 

He chuckled at me. “No.” He said. “I mean something actually productive.” He said seriously. 

I sighed at this. Did he really want to do something productive? I knew that I didn’t really want to but if Tyler wanted to do something then I was going to do it too. 

“Fine.” I told him with a slight roll of my eyes. “What do you want to do?” I asked him as I paused the movie that was still playing. 

“Can we go to the mall?” He asked me. “I really need some new clothes.” He told me. 

“Okay.” I agreed. I guess the mall couldn’t be too bad, and plus I did need new summer clothes. I stood up from the couch to get dressed into something more appropriate for the mall. 

“Your driving by the way Ty.” I told him before I left. I heard him sigh as I turned around and walked into our bedroom. Fifteen minutes later I walked out of our bedroom dressed and ready to go. 

I met Tyler at the door. “You look beautiful.” He said to me. 

“Thanks babe.” I said as I leaned in to give him a kiss.  Once we pulled away we were out the door. 


At the Mall

Your Pov: 

We have been at the mall for about 15 minutes now and Tyler and I were just walking around and looking at stuff. Nothing caught our eye yet until we walked pass an Adidas store.

“Can we go in here Y/N?” Tyler asked me as we stood in front of the entrance.

I laughed. He looked so excited and cute. “Of course we can babe.” I told him with a nod. And with that we were off. 

We have been in the store for about 5 minutes now and I was just browsing the racks. I had lost Tyler the second we had walked in here but I figured that if he needed me for anything he would come and find me. 

As I was browsing through the jackets that the store had I could feel sets of eyes staring at me. I turned my body slightly around and noticed a group of guys looking straight at me. I made eye contact with one of them. Once I did he smiled at me. Not wanting to be rude I smiled back and turned back around. 

A few seconds had passed and I could still feel their eyes on me. It was making me really uncomfortable. After a few minutes of looking at the jackets I could feel a presence coming up behind me. 

“Hey babe find anything good?” I immediantley recognized it as Ty’s voice. Thank god it wan’t one of the boys. 

“Nah.” I answered him as I turned around to face him. “How about you?” I asked returning the question. 

“Nope.” He said with a laugh. “I either already have it or I just don’t like it.” He said with a laughed. I laughed too. It was true though, Tyler did have a lot of Adidas clothes. 

“Well then are you ready to go?” I asked him with a smile. 

He nodded. “Yeah, let’s go.” He said as he took my hand and laced our fingers together. When we were walking out I didn’t see the group of guys. Thank god. I really didn’t feel like getting stared at again. 

But it looks like luck wasn’t on my side because just as we were about to leave the store we heard whistles and shouts from behind us. 

“Damn baby, you got a nice ass on ya.” A guy said to me. Tyler turned around so fast that I thought he was going to break his neck. 

“What did you say to her?” Tyler asked the guy. I noticed that it was the same group of guys from earlier. The guy that made the comment was the guy that I smiled at earlier to try and be nice. 

“Are you dumb or something?” The guy asked Tyler. “I said that she has a nice ass on her.” He repeated himself. If looks could kill this kid would be dead. 

I could feel Tyler start to shake in anger. 

“You don’t get to speak to her like that.” He told the guy. His face turning red. 

The other guy gave a light chuckle. “And you don’t get to tell me what to do man?” He said right back to Tyler. 

I didn’t want Tyler to get into a fight so I leaned into him and whispered in his ear so only I could hear him. 

“Ty, just ignore him.” I told him. “He’s not even worth it.” I continued to tell him, in hopes that it would calm him down. Surprisingly enough it did. 

I saw Tyler take a deep breath and turn to me. “Your right.” He said. “He isn’t worth it.” He told me with a smile. “Let’s just leave.” He finished. 

I nodded at him. Before we turned around Tyler pulled me in for a big kiss. I hungrily responded into the kiss. Once we broke apart I looked up to see if the group of guys were still there. Thankfully they were not. Tyler noticed this too.

“Hey look.” He said to me. “Those assholes finally left.” He said. 

I nodded. “Thank god.” I said. He nodded in agreement and turned around to walk out of the store. As we were walking we fell into a silence. Not an awkward silence, but a comfortable one. After a while of this I noticed that I never thanked Tyler for defending me. 

“Thanks for defending me babe.” I told him as we exited the mall. 

He turned his head to look at me. “No problem baby, it’s my job and plus I did get a little jealous when those guys wouldn’t stop staring at you.” 

I was shocked Tyler jealous? Please. “Ty you have nothing to be jealous about.” I told him truthfully. “Those guys were assholes and I love you and only you.” I told him. 

 He smiled widely at me. “Thanks Y/N.” He said. “I love you too and I’m always going to be here to protect you.” He said to me as he leaned down to give me a peck on the forehead. We had finally reached the car. 

Tyler pulled me in for one last kiss before we split to get in. This kiss was different from the kiss that we had in the store. Instead of being filled with hunger and anger this kiss was filled with passion, and love. Once we parted I walked to the other side. Once we both were settled in Tyler started  the car and we were off to another adventure. 


A/N: Here it is! Sorry again that it took so late. I was just really busy this past weekend but like I said in my last post I’m not going to be busy this weekend so I will have plenty of time to write. Thank you for all the likes on the Josh fic. I really appreciate it and I hope the person that requested this one likes it. Have a great day/night wherever you are. Remember requests are still open.     

Nervous

Character: Jimin (BTS)
Genre: Fluff
AU: Fratboy!Jimin
Authors Note: I don’t know what this is but….yeah.LOL. It was something I started a while ago and couldn’t finish until now. :’) Shout out to @an-exotic-writer for making me want to finish this, I hope this causes you pain like you always cause me. <3

- Admin T

P.S My bad on any mistakes, it’s 4AM :’). Idk why I hate myself so much but 2AM-4AM seems to be when I’m most productive with my writing.

P.P.S I love all of you

Keep reading

Asking us to look out the back

Ok, so this one time, this obnoxious woman came into work and managed to get served by our store manager. She was not happy when our SM told her we didn’t have the product left. She yelled at her and called her a liar.
“Do I look stupid to you? I know you have more stock out the back! Off you go, go look!”
My SM walked out the back and lent up against wall for 5 minutes. When I asked her what she was doing, she said,
“Just looking for something for a customer.”
So, the moral of that story is, if we tell you we’re sold out, 95% of the time, we are!

anonymous asked:

It's not just about Israel and Jews, though. It's about Zionism. That's why people are furious about Gal Gadot, not because she's Jewish.

look man i’m just a daft white bitch from america who unfortunately has only a very objective understanding of the israel/palestine conflict. it has never been my lane so other than trying to learn about it, i stay out of it.

but

as i have said, it feels strange to me for zionism to have suddenly become a hot topic for condemnation only when something a lot of people are enjoying is… tangentially related… ish. why now? why not every store that carries israeli-made products? do you google the CEO of a company before you buy anything to make sure they’re not donating to america’s presence in israel (spoilers: a lot do), or do you just say “fuck it” and buy stuff because you need it? it just feels like a really convenient topic to make a lot of people feel bad for enjoying something they’re excited about, over something they’re not very informed about.

choosing to focus on that one specific thing out of everything else wrong with the movie industry (go ahead, look at the corporate sponsors for any of your favorite movies) ultimately makes it seem like the goal isn’t really to enlighten people about a shitty hundred-year conflict across the ocean. it’s to make people feel bad for having fun and froth up some tasty hate with the people who blur the line between anti-zionism and anti-semitism.