when i realized that i wasnt the only person

s4 is going to be dark = sherlock is blind speculation

remember when they told us it was going to be dark?

remember when one of our speculations was that “dark” meant blindness as in sherlock going blind because of culverton

we may have been wrong but damn it that headcanon still haunts me to this very day

and i still NEED to see it at least fic’d!! oh all the angst can you imagine when sherlock was hospitalized after john beat him up and culverton went into his room, what if culverton had put something into his iv drip that ended up blinding sherlock

can you imagine when sherlock eventually wakes up and he discovers he cant see and he panics, he can feel someone’s presence there and assumed its john and he pleads and pleads “john what’s happening to me? why cant i see? john–!” and tears rolled down as panic and defeat overwhelms him. His arms searching for john but when he finally touched the other person, only then did he realize it wasnt john. The arm was too thick, too hairy. Not john then who? and culverton finally cracks up. “Oh you’re not so brilliant when you cant observe anything are you? no more deductions, no more tricks, no more plans. Can’t get yourself out of this mess this time…”

and what if, even after john comes in to save him from culverton, sherlock pleads to him “John please, get me something, i suspect he must’ve given me something to make me blind. I-I can’t see! Please just, undo what he did, you’re a doctor, get me something that will undo this thing”

but it turns out that there was nothing john could do, nothing anyone could do. the damage was permanent, and sherlock had to live the rest of his life unable to see john smile at him anymore. His final vision of john was John staring at him with disdain. His last vision of the man he loves most was the look of utter fury and disgust. And now he can never see john again. He’ll never see how Rosie will look as she grows up. He’ll never be able to observe and deduce like he used to. He can’t learn a music sheet and play it like he used to.

tagging some people who might be interested @thepurplewombat @currently-in-my-mind-palace @scotchlock 

most of the time we see the stages of grief come out after someone dies, and the people.left have to deal with the emotional issues that come with such a tragedy.

ive dealt with the stages of grief, or rather, im still dealing, according to my therapist im stuck on anger, ocassionally will go through all five ans then go to depression and back to anger, thatll.ill.probably.just go through the motions.

but no one in my life died, i hates telling people because its so often seen with death that i felt like i wasnt really going through it. but, i understand now that not only is it for different situations as well,

but when i was diagnosed and learned that ill be in constant agonizing pain for the rest of my life, that ill walk with a cane for the rest of my life, somedays a wheelchair, that ill never be healthy again, and that ill never not be in pain, and above all, that my illness is progressive and that this isnt even the worst of it, i realized that someone did die that day.

the person i was died, alot of my hopes and dreams died, and the chance, the mere thought of me getting better in any way was butchered right in front of me. i had to rebuild my entire self with a new, stronger will so i would be able to cope with the hand i was dealt.

and you know what? thats pretty fucking traumatizing, and damn right im stuck in anger, because i never deserved this, because it was unfair, because i was innocent and got my everything taken away from me.

coping with a disability tends to involve changing, and i had to change because my life changed.

like listen im still a kinda shitty person but thats thing people can change

ive apologized for shit ive done years ago, from before i even joined tumblr. i was such a TERRIBLE shithead but that was the environment i grew up in. and when i realized that wasnt an excuse i took it on myself to change

people need space given to them to not only improve themselves but see FOR themselves why they need to improve in the first place

one thing that ppl need to learn (and i did as well) is that trauma isnt a 100% excuse for shitty behavior. it might help explain it but its on the person to figure out that its something they need to unlearn, and to learn how it affects others

why isn't anyone talking about Seung gil lee

Originally posted by ohreigen

This guy^

why isnt anyone talking about him? do people think he cried for no reason?

Originally posted by starlight8079

(i couldnt find a more serious one bare with me)

He obviously holds himself to high expectations and only feels that he is worth some thing by what his accomplishments are.

Asking Sala (or Sara) what benefit he would get from being friends with her wasnt just an asshole thing to do. He seems to be a person that was forced only to do things to gain. 

Originally posted by nikyforov

Look at how upset they seem. (and his dog pls look at the dog whats its name pls) why is that? they wouldnt include this behavior for no reason right? 

I personally do this. I need to stop but it did help me realize what Lee does.

I may be reading too much into it but it just seems like he’s been forced to only be the best. Which is why he cried when he didnt do his best and why he seemed so upset when he fell.

idk im i the only one who noticed this? i hope not