when i look at myself i don't like what i see

anonymous asked:

Tree bros body swap au?

(Ive seen one of these already and I’ve been dying to have a take at it)

  • They are both in the nurses office, Evan just having his head flushed down a toilet and Connor being just beaten up. They don’t talk to each other at first but make a lot of eye contact, wondering what happen to the other boy.
  • When Connor does say something, he asks why the hell is he in here? He doesn’t seem beaten up.. Was he faking a head injury or something?
  • Evan doesn’t respond, but nods because he kind of just wanted to go home.
  • Connor wishes he could go home too, but he knows a black eye and a bloody nose isn’t even enough for anyone in his family to even notice him.
  • Evan wishes he was tough like Connor, he wished he wasn’t such a baby and had to fake injury to get out of school.
  • A silent agreement happens that they wish they had each others lives, Then they switch
  • Connor just feels really short, his head hurts a bit but he feels great.. Evan however…
  • Evan feels like he going to throw up, he’s never felt this much pain in his life, his face stings his hands sting. He feels like he’s deep thrown in a garbage disposal.

“Connor what the heck!”


“I dont know!? I guess we switched or something.. Come to think of it this isn’t half bad..”


“Connor!”


“what? My life sucks! Personally i won’t mind staying like this..”

  • Connor and Evan have to meet up after school to get to know everything about each other.
  • Evan tells him about his mom, how she’s the best person in the whole world and if Connor throws a printer at her he won’t hesitate to shave Connors head
  • Connor agrees because he loves his floof
  • Connor is totally fine with Evan in his body, But he makes one rule clear..
  • “Dont talk to Zoe… Don’t even look at her Hansen.. You hear me?”
  • (He knows about the note)
  • P R O T E C T I V E C O N N E R
  • They get sent on their own ways, Connor heading home with Mrs Hansen, and Evan attending a few more classes before having a panic attack in the bathroom because ‘Jesus christ Connor murphy is a horrible person what is his life at home going to be like’
  • Evan starts to look around the parking lot for something that says “Im edgy! Connor Murphy’s car!” Or something like that..
  • Z O E A L  E R T
  • She goes up to Evan and there is never a more awkward conversation
  • “Connor! Where the hell are you going?”

“Home…..”

“Im giving you a ride you idiot.. Or are you too high to remember that mom and dad took your car?”

“Uh… Right.. Um.. thanks the.”

“How high are you?”

“High…like.. drugs high? Oh shoot i do drugs right”

  • Zoe thinks “Connor” is just reeeally high so she tries not to talk to him on the car ride home.
  • She almost crashes when Evan tries to starts up a friendly conversation about her day.
  • Evan listens to Connor and immediately goes to his room, only to be disgusted when he realizes theres gotta be a dead thing in here because Damn it reeks
  • Evan cants take it any longer and he goes downstairs to request frebreze from Cynthia to spray around the room.
  • FAMILY DINNER TIME
  • Evan is so shook he has no idea what the hell he’s supposed to say/do because he’s never eaten dinner at a table with a group of people before.
  • He actually ends up talking at the table because someone asked him how his day went, he talks about His day (Evan) and Cynthia is just so surprised that he answered.
  • Zoe is so confused “What the hell is wrong with my brother..”
  • Of course Larry thinks he’s high and sends him away to him room.
  • Evan has a fit in the room and ends up falling asleep and missing a planned call from Connor to talk about the next day.
  • Connor on the other hand…
  • Connor waits for Evans mom but starts to get seriously hungry, he makes pasta and waits for Evans mom still… She never shows up..
  • Connor gives up waiting and goes outside to smoke, Then stops..
  • He can’t hurt Evans body like that.. Evan wouldn’t want it.. So he doesn’t smoke.
  • Connor calls Evan like 8 times and Zoe ends up finally picking up the phone.
  • “Evan? Why are you calling my brother?”

“Zoe! shi-.. Give Connor the phone i need to talk to him..”

“Um.. He’s asleep.. Why are you calling him?”

“I um.. We um.. I just need to..”

  • Reaaaal smooth Connor
  • The next day, Evan and Connor meet up before school to trade schedules and go to each others classes, its doesn’t go well..
  • Evan ends up getting lost (How? idk) And just panics in the bathroom once more.
  • Connor just skips like.. all of the classes, Only to find Jared skipping as well..
  • A BO RT A B OR T  JA RE D IS APP ROA C HIN G
  • Jared is just a concerned boi for his family friend.. Evan never misses classes unless he’s having a panic attack.. But if he is he’s usually not walking around the school…
  • He goes up to Connor (as Evan) and asks if he’s okay.
  • “EVAN” CURSES HIM OUT AND HE ALMOST THROWS UP IN THE HALLWAY BECAUSE WHO KNEW LITTLE EVAN COULD SAY SUCH THINGS.
  • Evan finds Connor and Jared and asks whats wrong, Connor says what happened. 
  • Evan starts to cry because his only friend will never want to talk to him again.
  • Connor starts to freak out and tell Evan to “Shut the hell up” But Jared is watching at this point.
  • CONFUSED B O I
  • Jared doesn’t believe them at first after they tell him but then he gives in as Connor (Evan) Starts talking about how they met in preschool and there is no way he told that to Connor Murphy
  • Jared starts to research how to fix it while Evan and Connor go over some ground rules for each other
  • CONNOR’S RULES:
  1. “Don't talk to anyone in the family, and if you absolutely have, talk in one word sentences and responses.”
  2. “Don't you dare ever come to school wearing a dorky blue color without having the hoodie over it.”
  3. “Just… Avoid Zoe…”
  4. “If Larry asks if your high say yes because its an easy excuse.”

EVAN’S RULES:

  1. “Be careful around my mom… shell know something is up..”
  2. “If she asks you about refills.. say you’re fine.. um, they’re for my anxiety.. Im not sure if you need them but-”
  3. “Dont shower”

“What?”

“I don’t want you to.. um, yknow..”

“Jesus christ Evan I won’t look..”

“Just don’t do it ok-”

    4.” I have therapy this weekend.. So.. Don’t like, be super open to questions and stuff.. he’ll know something is w-wrong..”

   5. “P-please don’t smoke.. i just.. i don’t-”

  • And off they go, Evan riding home with Zoe once more and Connor walking to Evans house. praying that they’ll switch back..
  • Jared ends up telling Alana what happened, she just rolls with it because who knows maybe Jared is right?
  • Connor has almost fallen asleep when Evan comes bursting into his room.
  • He doesn’t have his hoodie on…. so he can see the scars…
  • Connor spends the next hour or so trying to explain why he did it and confirming over and over that he won’t do it again anytime soon.
  • Evan just ends up staying the night there as they have a-lot to talk about..
  •  Connor explains to Evan why he’s so mad and angry all the time.. And he wouldn’t be surprised if Evan started to act like the because he’s hanging out with his family..
  • Evan explains why he broke his arm.. Connor then immediately feels bad for pushing him over..
  • As the night goes on… They come closer and closer.. revealing things to each other that they never shared with anyone..
  • Connor kisses Evan and Evan is just straight up shocked
  • “Wha-”

“Don’t think of it as a personal thing.. I just.. is it weird that I’ve always wanted to make out with myself?”

“Y-ye-s? No? i dont kn-…”

  • They hang out a lot more after that.. Not because of the kiss.. no.. right?
  • Zoe thinks they’re dating, and starts to question Evan (as Connor) about it.
  • “Have you kissed yet?”

“Wha- I um…”

“Omg you have! I never thought id see the day.. You have seemed different now that you started to date him..”

“We’re not dating..!”

  • Cynthia starts to like her new acting son.. He’s a little anxious but something about that Evan boy is definitely changing him.
  • Larry is super suspicious, but Zoe protects her brother and says he hasn’t done drugs in like.. months.
  • LA RRY GETS CONNOR TO PLAY BASEBALL WITH HIM SO HES HAPPY
  • Connor loves mrs Hansen… Enough said.
  • They have movie nights, late night eating junk food, He takes her out on a walk one day.. Its just So pure
  • One time, Connor and Evan are hanging out in Evans house and Mrs Hansen shows up to ask if they want something to eat And Evan starts to C RY
  • HE MISSES HIS MOM SO MUCH AH
  • Zoe shows up to pick up Evan…  and Connor realizes he Misses her
  • They both just… miss their lives so much… Its been a month.. Like,, bring the bois home.
  • JARED BURSTS IN AND HE H A S A C U R E
  • They switch back, both sobbing with happiness as Jared stands in the back kinda awkwardly..
  • Of course they thank Jared what kind of monster do you think i am
  • Finally, they go back to their homes, Connor literally hugs Zoe which is new.. But she rolls with it.
  • Evan is just sobbing in his mothers arm saying how much he missed her
  • They both agree that they should date because they know each other better then anyone else.
  •  SO MA NY INSI DE J OK ES
  • Evan is just so comfortable around the Murphy’s, same thing with Connor and Mrs Hansen.
  • A pure duo

(Add on if you like!)

Batfam as things my coworkers have said
  • Bruce, overheard on the phone as he's leaving WE: Wait, your brother is at work? (...) Oh thank god, that means I can sleep when I get home.
  • ---------------
  • Dick, giving Duke a tour of the Batcave: I'm sure you'll fit in just fine. Everyone's really nice here. Except for Jason.
  • Jason, from across the cave: That's messed up!
  • ---------------
  • Stephanie: *sees Cass's hand is bandaged up* Oh my god, are you okay?
  • Cass: Yeah, I just stabbed myself. It's fine.
  • ---------------
  • Tim: What, you think that because you're bootylicious, you can do whatever you want?
  • Jason, nodding: Yeah, pretty much.
  • ---------------
  • Damian: Alfred knows everything, he just pretends that he doesn't.
  • Alfred: Well, somebody needs to know something around here.
  • ---------------
  • Stephanie, inspecting Tim's under-eye circles: You need some makeup, fam. That shit is unsettling.
  • ---------------
  • Dick, to Roy: I hereby name you an official member of the family!
  • Jason: It's a trap, dude. You don't wanna be part of this family.
  • ---------------
  • Tim: Has anyone seen my coffee?
  • All: No.
  • Tim: Looks like it sucks to be Steph today. *picks up Stephanie's coffee and walks away*
  • ---------------
  • Duke: You've gotta be crazy to work here.
  • Jason: You don't HAVE to be crazy. We can always train you.
  • ---------------
  • WE Employee: *walks into Bruce's office to hear a loud alarm coming from his computer while Bruce fills out paperwork, seemingly unperturbed*
  • WE Employee: How can you just sit there and listen to that?
  • Bruce: Do you have any idea how many kids I have?

ask-changeling-eight  asked:

Your movement of anti fascism will fail. Do you know why? Because fascism doesn't exist. We killed it after world war 2. Honestly if you did even a little research into fascist Italy Japan or Germany you'd see you're just like them. Black uniforms, masks with skulls, attacking people to instill total fear into the hearts of people who don't agree with you. Fighting fascism with fascism doesn't make you the good guys, it makes you a slightly different version of fascist.

Sigh.  The sad thing is that we get messages just like this from clear, well-informed experts on fascism like ask-changeling-eight all the time.  

Because fascism doesn’t exist. We killed it after world war 2

Oh, that’ll be a huge surprise to Francoist Spain or the Estado Novo regime in Portugal or the people suffering under the fascists of Daesh/ISIS/ISIL or the 200+ fascist cults, political parties, and terrorist groups that have existed since WW2.  You should tell them.

you’d see you’re just like them. Black uniforms, masks with skulls,

Of course, because fascism (which we’ll remind you no longer exists according to yourself) is defined by the clothes people wear.  That’s in the dictionary-definition of fascism, right?

fas·cismˈfaSHˌizəm/nounan authoritarian and nationalistic right-wing system of government and social organization.synonyms:authoritarianism, totalitarianism, dictatorship, despotism, autocracy; More (in general use) extreme right-wing, authoritarian, or intolerant views or practice.

fascism [fash-iz-uh m] noun1.(sometimes initial capital letter) a governmental system led by a dictator having complete power, forcibly suppressing opposition and criticism, regimenting all industry, commerce, etc., and emphasizing an aggressive nationalism and often racism.2.(sometimes initial capital letter) the philosophy, principles, or methods of fascism.3.(initial capital letter) a political movement that employs the principles and methods of fascism, especially the one established by Mussolini in Italy 1922–43.

fascism noun  fas·cism \ˈfa-ˌshi-zəm also ˈfa-ˌsi-\

1often capitalized :  a political philosophy, movement, or regime (such as that of the Fascisti) that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition2:  a tendency toward or actual exercise of strong autocratic or dictatorial control early instances of army fascism and brutality — J. W. Aldridge

attacking people to instill total fear into the hearts of people who don’t agree with you.

Right.  Because advocating for apartheid and genocide = just another, perfectly normal opinion that we may not agree with and should just have a polite debate about over tea.  

Or maybe fascism (which, of course, you’ve informed us doesn’t exist), isn’t even a valid opinion but instead is a historically & scientifically-discredited belief that is common to the beginning of every genocide in human history.  

Fighting fascism with fascism doesn’t make you the good guys, it makes you a slightly different version of fascist.

Now where have we heard this liberal false equivalency bullshit before?  


hooligan-nova “Fighting fascists makes you a fascist” makes no sense. The defining feature of fascism is not violence.

If I fight a mugger I’m not a mugger. If I fight a bear it doesn’t make me a bear.
Fascism is about control and antifascism is about refusal of that control. 


Let’s leave the last word for Holocaust survivor Frank Frison, shall we?

“If fascism could be defeated in debate, I assure you that it would never have happened, neither in Germany, nor in Italy, nor anywhere else. Those who recognised its threat at the time and tried to stop it were, I assume, also called “a mob”. Regrettably too many “fair-minded” people didn’t either try, or want to stop it, and, as I witnessed myself during the war, accommodated themselves when it took over … People who witnessed fascism at its height are dying out, but the ideology is still here, and its apologists are working hard at a comeback. Past experience should teach us that fascism must be stopped before it takes hold again of too many minds, and becomes useful once again to some powerful interests.”   

ask-changeling-eight, if you’d like to actually learn about what fascism is and how it developed so you don’t look like such an ill-informed jackass the next time you decide to opine on the topic, we’d recommend having an adult read & explain this book to you.


anonymous asked:

Jw why do you hc lance as dyslexic? I don't want to seem rude and I'm not dissing your hc, I just wanted to know why (I'm really hope this doesn't come off offensive, I'm just genuinely curious)

not offensive at all! i’m happy to explain why i headcanon him as dyslexic :D

for one thing, i myself am dyslexic so i can spot the traits in Lance that give off a dyslexia vibe

exibit A) flying a spaceship simulator is hell because there are buttons all over the place and it’s easy to forget what each one does/easy to misread the labels and mix them up, no wonder Lance always crashes it

(one can argue it’s because Lance gets easily distracted, i think it’s a mix of both)

exibit B) math is confusing af and its really easy to get numbers that look/sound the same mixed up. it’s also easy to get your basic addition, subtraction, multiplication shit mixed up too

lmao shut up keith he knows that, he just gets it mixed up

exibit C) weird af motor skills when there’s a lot goin’ on at once

exhibit D) celebrates the tiny wins bc he doesn’t win a lot

exhibit E) disliked school enough as a child to pretend he was sick to get out of having to go, and if you’re a dyslexic who hasn’t been diagnosed and put in a special learning class to aid your learning disability yet, you are going to hate school with a burning passion and will try to avoid going in any way you can

exhibit F) clever come backs on the spot????? who???? bitch i need time to think of a clever response you don’t just come up with something witty to say right off the bat

exhibit G) insecure af??? he thinks he’s pathetic??? feels like a 7th wheel??? doesn’t think he has a “thing”????? doubts his capabilities?????? has a shit self esteem???????? all these are common things to feel for people with dyslexia because they struggle so much

literally fuck you Iverson. how dare you attack his self worth like that

also, i want to refer back to a quote i once read from an official website on the learning disorder, which is “the most consistent thing about dyslexics is their inconsistency”, and i think that ties in really well with Lance representing water, which is also inconsistent af. i think that’s one of the key roots to Lance’s “i feel like i don’t have a thing” insecurity. 

so yeah, this is why i headcanon Lance as dyslexic. as someone who has dyslexia myself, i see a lot of myself in Lance’s behavior, and can relate to a lot of the things he does/says/feels. 

thank you for asking! 

i. domesticity

I drink milk every day because my doctor says I need it to grow. Kind of like I need this calcium rush in order to make my bones stronger so I stop cracking them so easily. Preventing them from ever reverting to the weak, knobbly knees of last summer when a boy I had a crush on. Had a crush on, crushed me. Like a pulp. Into grains. Like a spoon grinding up soggy cereal swimming at the bottom of a bowl. I wake up in the middle of the night, remembering I didn’t drink 3 glasses today, and run to the refrigerator in my socks and chug it straight from the gallon, barbaric and yearning like a schoolgirl hitching her skirt up too high, and picture the white flowing through my veins. Softening me. Rounding me out. Giving me curves. I get a brain freeze instead and pray I’ll stop crying over spills and that I can sleep with this cold lurching in my stomach.

ii. vicinity

Maybe one day my hair will stop being so limp in the heat, but I don’t think that kind of thing can be anticipated, so I just have to wait. Girls like me live in the back of an un-air-conditioned convenience store, ratty sweatpants, tight tank tops, and crawl out with week-old receipts bursting from their pockets. Like glued ribcage kind of girls, like elastic hair tie, red marks around the wrist kind of girls. The cashier doesn’t mind when I snag a magazine from the rack and browse through it without paying because no matter how hard I try, I end up looking pre-pubescent anyway. And they let things slide. For a girl like me, at least. I’m saying, lopsided bun, wide eyes, a mouthful of crooked teeth, stars pulling them into their places, I was always too scared to get braces. The cover has some headline about how to enlarge your breasts naturally, which I think might be useful, and another about how to communicate effectively with others without saying hurtful things, which makes me laugh. I flip to the back to check my horoscope and eat that prophetic, adolescent shit catered to the teenage soul up like Eucharist laid under the tongue. Swallow down a spoonful of March’s: “Prepare to face some stress this month, but that’s okay! You’ll be able to get through it and find time to relax.” I want to rip out the page and shove it into my bra, like keeping these soft, meaningless words close to my chest will make them seep into my heart and change me. Stop making me think so much, fill my brain up with Arizona tea and static instead. But I’m cheap, and I shove the magazine back. I think my chest will stay flat forever.

iii. mobilization

I seek healing. Mending. I’m fingernails deep, sitting in the back of a subway at 3 a.m., pressing crescent moons into the leather seat, trying to dig up salvation. You can’t find that here, you can’t find that in the cracks between the tiles, you can’t find comfort in the ground up cigarette butt stamped into the floor. I’m wishing against this fogged up glass I could say anything, anything that would make sense for once, so someone could help me. Like please, my mind is bending in backwards, like please, I don’t think this underdeveloped chest can take any more of this resentment or it’s going to explode through my ribcage, out of my flesh, like please, I don’t want to hurt anymore. And it’s not my fault that I launch myself around like I’m in some sick little competition, pretending I don’t care, like I’m having the time of my life. Of course I’m not, of course I’m not, I don’t think having your hands shake and your brain go fuzzy whenever you think a little too much is fun, something to be documented for the world to see. I guess I’m different from other people that way, I’d rather people think I’m having a good time than actually have one without anyone knowing. I wish I knew how to sew, so I could stitch up my fibrillating heart, no matter how sloppy and crooked, but the needle jabs my finger as the subway lurches left, and I bleed, I bleed, I bleed.

iv. unearthliness

My mom told me not to walk naked in front of the altar. Disrespectful, she called it, and even though I agree, sometimes I test my divinity and emerge from the bathroom, the steam from the shower wafting off smoke like the incense in its pot. Young god, skin tinted green from fake gold. Young god, empty stomach, fruit scooped out of its rind, leaving me seedless. This hatred has roots, and I don’t know whether I want to dig out my insides with my hands or fill myself up until I’m close to bursting. I let people think the scratches on my knees are from a night of alcohol and a boy tugging my hair. Of course, it’s that and not child worship on a scratchy rug, not begging for forgiveness, not praying for glamour and glory, not hoping for. Of course it’s not hoping for something better.

—  this pain lasts in every location
How them 2000s live actions kids shows be
  • Normal Girl: *internally* I'm just a normal high school girl. I suck at math. I hate my parents. When someone asks me about my opinion on complex socioeconomic issues, I just go "What the heck!?" and start "texting" or something like that. My life would be just like yours, except for one thing: I have an amazing power... I can talk to cetaceans!
  • *at the docks, a bell tolls as our normal protagonist hears the voices of cetaceans bubbling in her mind*
  • Normal Girl: *staring deeply into the ocean*
  • Best Friend: Ahoy! What're you doing?
  • Normal Girl: Just staring into the oceanic abyss, thinking about how much I hate my parents. *internally* I have to keep my ability to speak to cetaceans secret or else... uh...
  • Best Friend: Haha, I feel that, friend. What a colorful life we teens live, our seaside environment awakening a rumbling darkness within ourselves of which we mull on our own with nothing but the unbounding depths of the ocean as our one escape. An escape which serves to only maim our fragile egos with newfound adolescent anxieties.
  • Normal Girl: What are you even talking about?
  • Best Friend: I don't know. I haven't slept in a week. Let's go to the mall.
  • *at the mall*
  • Normal Girl: *internally* My town might as well be called Lamesville. Nothing ever happens here, but the mall can be pretty fun. It's only place in the whole town with anything in it that isn't fish or excessive amounts of woodlice.
  • Best Friend: ...So I'd just dance and I'd dance until my feet broke. When that happened, I'd just get up and dance on my broken feet. And I did this until they were raw and blood was everywhere. I kept waking up in the morning extremely exhausted after this dream. I decided to record myself one night and it turns out I was dancing in my sleep. I haven't slept since I saw that. *leans in close to the normal girl* I'm afraid of what I'll do in my sleep.
  • Normal Girl: Wow, sounds weird... I guess. *sips coffee*
  • Best Friend: OMIGAWD! It's Chad Alphakid. He's coming this way!
  • *the normal girl and her best friend squee*
  • Normal Girl: *externally* That's Chad Alphakid. Who is he? He's only the hottest most coolest boy in this entire lame city. I've been crushing on him since I was like twelve.
  • Chad: Uh, okay.
  • Normal Girl: Did I just say that out loud!?
  • Chad: *sits at the table* Listen, I don't care what you or your friend think of me. I need help!
  • Best Friend: Have you murdered somebody?
  • Normal Girl: Do you need a girlfriend?
  • Chad: No, it's the ocean. The sound of her waves crashing against the shore is like a faultless siren song. There isn't a single night where I don't have visions of floating within her cold embrace. The allure of her boundless depths beckon to me like a lover. I'm afraid that if I don't get help soon, I'll find myself taken away by her to a fate unknown.
  • Normal Girl: *internally* Great, this is a chance to finally use my power to speak to cetaceans to my benefit! *externally* But why do you need us to help you?
  • Chad: You guys are the biggest fucking degenerate weirdos in this washed up town. If anyone knows how to deal with this, it's you two.
  • Best Friend: Haha, truuuuuu!
  • Normal Girl: I'm not a weirdo! I'm a completely normal girl.
  • Chad: Dude, you fucking talk to fish.
  • Best Friend: You do talk to fish.
  • Normal Girl: I don't talk to fish! *internally* I talk to cetaceans, they're mammals, not fish. Also, that's supposed to be a secret, dammit!
  • *at the shore*
  • Chad: Ah, Mother Ocean! Take me!! Take me!!! *attempts to run into the ocean, but gets held back by the normal girl and her best friend*
  • Best Friend: Simmer down, aqualad!
  • Chad: Why did you fools take me here, if not to release into the embrace of sweet Mother Ocean!?
  • Normal Girl: We talked it over and we decided that the best way to get you over your obsession is make you hate the ocean.
  • Chad: Does it involve you talking to fish?
  • Normal Girl: Yes, I mean no. I mean, fuck! Cetaceans aren't fish.
  • *the normal girl sits at the edge of shore, her eyes rolls up in her head as she proceeds to make fucked up porpoise sounds*
  • Normal Girl: *falls over limp*
  • Best Fried: She died.
  • Chad: Does this mean that I'm free to wade into Mother Ocean and meet my fate among her ever chaotic waes?
  • Best Friend: *lets chad go* Yeah, dude. I'm too far gone to care about things anymore.
  • Chad: *strips off all of his clothes* Good. I now understand that there was no avoiding this. This was always a forgone conclusion. My fate is with the waves. Sayonara, weird best friend guy.
  • Chad: *runs into the ocean*
  • Best Friend: *kicks the normal girl's body* Guess she really is dead.
  • Best Friend: *walks home as the night encroaches* My closest friend is dead, and Chad is probably dead too. I wonder where my fate lies?
  • Best Friend: *yawns* Maybe I should go to sleep and just dance myself to death finally. No, I don't think I could go to sleep even if I wanted to anymore. I'm probably going to die from exhaustion in the next few days, not having felt rest or comfort again. Or maybe I'll just stay awake forever. I feel like I was supposed to have an epiphany here, or some type of awakening. But, there's nothing. I feel like everything I've ever done has been pointless. God, I'm just really tired.
  • *back at the shore*
  • Porpoise: *beaches itself*
  • *a gray fleshy version of the normal girl crawls halfway out of the porpoises mouth*
  • Normal Girl: There goes my corpse! *drags her weird porpoise body towards the corpse* Why did I die with such a dumb expression on my face? Lame! I hope Chad didn't see.
  • Normal Girl: *looks around with beady eyes* No one's here. I can finally do this.
  • Normal Girl: *kisses her dead body on the lips* Blargh!
  • Normal Girl: *spits out blood* I bit my tongue when I died. Gross. I guess I can cross making out with my dead body and becoming a mermaid off of my bucket list, though.
  • Normal Girl: *sighs*

anonymous asked:

bucky tell us a story about darcy

darcy lewis goes drinking with thor.

that alone should be enough to send your imaginations spinning off to wild places, but that, my friends, is only where our story begins.
it is also something you should know, just in general, in case you happen to encounter darcy lewis.
she’s tazed a god twice, and she goes drinking with thor. on a regular basis.
the first time thor wanted to go drinking after i showed up, lewis was there too. and naturally, if thor was going out so was she. neither of them knew us newbie avengers well yet, but being sociable sort of people, they invited us to tag along. scott immediately agreed, but sam was caught up doing some beta testing in the labs with tony, and said he would catch up when they were done.
so darcy, thor, scott and i went out drinking.
fun fact about thor: it takes him approximately one million alcohols to get drunk, but once he’s there, he likes to sing. preferably epic ballads of victory in battle, but he’s pretty much game for any catchy song that will get a bar excited. that being the case, lewis and thor’s go-to midgardian bar is a karaoke joint.
im sure you begin to see where things are going wrong.
fun fact about darcy lewis? she can also hold her alcohol, but cannot carry at tune. like. at all.
that doesnt stop her from singing, mind you. gotta respect a lady who knows shes terrible but enjoys herself anyway.
scott apparently loves karaoke. i dont know why that surprised me, but it did. even more surprising? hes not actually that bad, although like 90% of his song choices were bruce springsteen. no clue why. anyway, thor was delighted by having a buddy who was not only willing but able to sing with him, and after scott got over his star-struck-ness they had a pretty great time.
it was a good thing that thor and lewis went to that bar on the regular, because im sure any place that hadnt been prepared for them would have kicked all of us out. as it was, they finally booted us out the door after a rousing rendition of ‘wrecking ball’ had most of the bar on their feet. and broke two tables.
(thor apparently settles his tab there in asgardian gold, so no hard feelings from the bartenders.)
the night was young and all of us had enough booze in our systems that we decided to catch a cab back to the tower and see if we could rope anyone else into some shennanigans. thor was buzzed at least, which for thor means his voice is even boomier and his gestures are more expansive–you gotta be ready to duck. scott was drunk, no question about it, and that was probably why theyd wound up singing wrecking ball in the first place. scott’s a cheerful if floppy, “ i love you, i love all of you guys, i love everyone in this bar ” kind of drunk, and was mostly travelling by merit of being wrapped around thors bicep. i was a little buzzed myself, and lewis had had nearly as much as i did. remarkably, she seemed to be chugging along pretty well, some weaving and slurring aside. the lady lives up to her god-tazing reputation.
anyway, we got out of the cab at the tower and started making our way to the doors. scott had partially detached from thors arm and needed extra support, so i was helping keep him from capsizing while lewis trailed a few steps behind the three of us, making color commentary of our three stooges act.
and then out of nowhere, she just…yelled.
all three of us whipped around as quickly as three drunk superpeople can, just in time to see darcy lewis dish out what looked to be a pretty dang textbook perfect roundhouse kick to the chest of some poor guy.
the guy went down. lewis went down too, because the kick had totally overbalanced her. thor and i dropped scott and ran over to help.
which was when sam sat up and said ‘that was a hell of a kick’
because apparently hed finished up his testing and gone out to catch up with us, made it partway down the block to call a cab, then saw us getting out of our taxi. he jogged back–not being particularly stealthy, but we were drunk–and put his hand on lewis’s shoulder to get her attention.
lewis, having pretty poor vision even sober, and worse vision when drunk and without her glasses, just saw some big male figure who’d popped up out of nowhere and grabbed her by the shoulder.
so naturally she kicked him in the chest.
she apologized profusely, but the rest of us thought it was pretty funny. and sam was impressed the next morning when he discovered that she’d left a visible footprint on his chest.
darcy insists she has no idea why she did it. or where she learned to kick like that.
the rest of us have just chalked it up to mysterious darcy lewis powers.

  • Me: having a structured life is exhausting!
  • Therapist: I understand. Let's say just get up in the morning, get some breakfast, go for a walk...and that's it for a start.
  • Me: *internally: sounds reasonable, but that means first fighting against my will to just stay in bed and act as if I'm not existing. Getting up either way and facing my face and body in the mirror. There's an 80% chance that it's one of those days and I hate myself just so fucking much I could scream. But there's also a chance I look in the mirror and find a person that does not seem to be familiar to me looking back at me. Still, now you want me to shower and wash this body I find really disgusting. I have to see every single scar I have and maybe feel the burn of fresh cuts. Then I have to put on cloth, brush my teeth and my hair and do my makeup, as I can't go outside without hiding my ugly face under layers of primers and foundations and powders and highlighters and fake lashes and a perfect contour and a big nude fake smile. I spend money I don't have to make myself look good enough for myself to endure my own appearance. I remember to take my meds. Now I'm dressed (in clothes that hopefully say 'i don't care' when really I care a lot) and can go to the kitchen to prepare food that I know I won't be able to eat in 50% of the cases. There's also a good chance that I eat it and then find myself throwing up and ruining my makeup feeling every single disgusting cell of fat on my body vibrate while trying to breathe. Well either way let's say I might redo my make-up, brush my teeth again and step outside. I maybe take my horse with me and walk through the neighbourhood. I have to see people. I feel anxious. I would love to just turn around and go back home. But I keep on walking, trying to seem selfconfident so my horse and neighbours can't see or feel my insecurity. I'll try to be friendly and act normal even though I'm sure they hate me and laugh about me. Still if the communication between my horse and me isn't perfect today I'll probably cry and if a neighbour just looks at me in a way that i interpret to be unfriendly or cold or annoyed I'll probably cry too. Let's say I'm back home. Now it's like 11 in the morning. What do I do? By now I'm an emotional wreck, tired as hell, probably planing on how to harm myself with one half of my brain while the other half bundles it's last energy to prevent exactly this from happening. How do I survive the rest?*
  • Me: I'll try.
Mi Amor

 Daveed Diggs x Latina!Reader

Requested by anon: Hi. It’s the anon who asked about the Latina reader here. I was wondering if you’d do like where Daveed and the reader are really good friends but Lin knows she has a crush on him and he’s teasing her about it but daveed overhears them mention him and doesn’t understand them cause they’re talking in Spanish. He asked her about it or something and then fluff or smut! I don’t know…. Your other fics are amazing so I know this one will be to die for no matter what! Gracias!! ❤❤

Words: 3,675

Warnings: Swearing and SMUTTT. A LOT OF IT idk what else you want from me ahahaha

A/N: This was SO FUN to write but Idk I’m sorry if this was so bad lol I THINK I’VE OFFICIALLY MADE THE SINNERS CLUB LOLOL OKOKOK

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Confrontations

Based off of @letkeithinfodump’s lovely Langst post

Do Not Tag As Sh/@nce or Sh/e!th or any other Sh@/adin ships


Lance could feel himself start to shake as Shiro had announced to them who he chose to lead Voltron in case he couldn’t.

It was Keith.

Lance took a breath and balled up his fist. He swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to blink away the stinging in his eyes as he stared at the floor.

Why should he even be surprised? It’s not as though he couldn’t see Shiro’s obvious bias towards Pidge and Keith. He knew that it wasn’t their fault or that they meant to be favored but it stung and he was getting increasingly frustrated at this.

Lance bit his lip before taking another deep breath and trying to calm himself down before catching Shiro’s shoulder when he told them to disperse.

“Shiro? Can I talk to you about something?” Lance asked

“Uh, yeah sure, about what?”

Another breath. “I wanted to talk to you about choosing Keith as the back-up leader.”

Shiro quirked a brow, Lance could tell he was going to have a hard time with this.

“Well you see Shiro…Keith…Keith isn’t a good choice for leader,” Lance had to fight to keep eye contact with Shiro, “you see he’s…impulsive and a hot-head. He’s a nice guy but he’s put us all in danger on numerous occasions beause he didn’t follow an order and he voted to leave Allura behind and-!” Lance could feel his confidence rise but Shiro raised a hand to silence him.

“Lance, I understand your concern but I’ve made my decision already.”

Shiro turned around and left Lance there with his anger festering and his pride hurt even more than before.

He ignored him.

Again.

Lance bit into his lip so hard it felt like it might draw blood. He felt the familiar sting at the back of his eyes and the heat on his neck. He blinked his vision in and out of focus as he felt his body shake with anger.

Lance was the only one left in the console room, so his voice echoed and bounced back to him with just as much disappointment and anger it had when the words left his lips.

You’re not the you I thought you were.”


The next time Lance brings it up is when he’s hardened his attitude towards Shiro’s behaviour. He knows it’s not exactly his fault but the way he brushes Lance off is unacceptable and this time, Lance is Not Having It.

“Shiro.” Lance walked up to Shiro, he rather have missed all of the break between training than have to keep in his feelings.

Shiro turned around and sighed, “Lance, look, I know-” but this time it was Lance who cut Shiro off.

“No Shiro, you look.” Lance took one big breath before starting, “I understand that you are the leader and that you were thrown into this by yourself, but you see, you are extremely biased towards Pidge and Keith and honestly, I just can’t let that stand anymore man.”

Lance paused to see Shiro blinking in stunned silence, he took this as his cue to continue.

“Shiro, I understand that you know Keith the best and probably know what he’s capable of. But your making him stressed because your expectations of him are too damn high and you have to accept that there are things that not even Keith can do- nothing wrong with that Keith, it’s ok that you can’t- but instead you just say “I believe in you” and you tell him to basically change everything about himself so he can act like a good-…no I mean, so he can act like you. Shiro, you can’t expect that to magically fix anything!

Lance took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts before proceeding onto his next topic, “Do you even talk to Hunk ever?”

“Well-” Shiro began

“Outside of giving orders? Do you ever ask, ‘Hey Hunk, how was your day? Did you do anything new?’ Because as far as I know, all you can say to him is ‘Hunk, shoulder canon.’, ‘Hunk, you go with whoever on this mission to retrieve whatever.’, sometimes you can’t even address him directly! It’s just ‘Legs, do this!’ You don’t actually talk to him Shiro.”

“I…”

“Also? Isn’t Allura the technical leader of Voltron? She actually knows Zarkon. She actually knows the aliens that we fight and that we talk to. Why are you acting as though you know this stuff? Even if Allura doesn’t know, most of the time Coran knows so he should also be consulted.”

“Yes, well I-”

“Not only that, but you didn’t consult anyone else when deciding Keith would be the Black Paladin. You didn’t check with Keith on how he felt about that, and even then he told you himself and you ignored it. What’s worse is that you didn’t even consult with your lion, the one Keith would be the pilot of. How do you know if she was okay with this? How do you know if this is what she wants?”

Shiro fell silent, it seems that this was the one that made him crack.

He felt a presence next to him and he fixed his stubborn gaze from Shiro to Keith.

Lance was getting ready to argue with Keith when the red paladin turned from Lance to Shiro and said, “Lance is right, Shiro.”

Lance blinked confusedly as Keith continued on, “You don’t listen to him at all. Remember the Blade of Marmora? You didn’t listen to Lance, and I nearly got myself killed. Granted, I wanted to go but… the point still stands.” Keith crossed his arms as he finished his argument.

Lance felt a warm hand on his shoulder as he looked to see Hunk sending him an appreciative look before agreeing with the fire and ice paladins.

One by one, everyone from the Team Voltron stood behind or near Lance and agreed with him.

“Shiro.”

Shiro looked up from the linoleum tiles, seemingly ready to get criticized once more.

“What do you say?”

Shiro closed his eyes as he took in a deep breath before opening them once more and looking around the small group of people. “…and all of you feel this way?”

There was a small murmur of agreement and short little nods.

Shiro sighed, “You’re right Lance. I wasn’t thinking about anyone else but my own beliefs and bias.”

He turned to the two alteans to his left.

“I’m sorry for not consulting you on matters I know you would have more knowledge on. I…I tried to think that just because I lead Voltron I know everything but…not really.”

Shiro continued on down the line of paladins.

“Lastly, Lance…I’m sorry. You were right and….I was ignoring you. Thank you for pointing this out to me and…I know it was probably hard but…I’m proud of you.”


About two weeks later Shiro went to the Black Lion and asked if she would be willing to pick a backup to pilot her in case something happened to Shiro.

She said yes so, all the paladins (+Allura and Coran) would stand in front of her and allow her large, wisdom filled eyes to scrutinize them.

When Lance stepped in front of her he felt as though every crevice in his mind and soul was being checked and scrutinized. Before long, the Black Lion’s eyes started to glow.

She did it. She found her back-up paladin.

Lance.

Hunk’s and Pidge’s cheers could be heard in the background as they whooped and hollered at Lance.

Lance felt waves of pride crash over him, before feelings of anxiety and guilt replace them.

But what about Blue?

Lance looked to the Alteans, knowing that the other paladins wouldn’t be able to fill out his spot without creating a new spot in Voltron needed to be filled. He played with the idea of Blue Paladin Allura, and while she could certainly fill out the spot with ease, he knows that she’s the pilot of the castleship, and if her was honest, that was a lot harder to replace than the pilots of Voltron.

Before announcing his decision he used his connection to the Blue Lion to ask her about if that was okay or not. She said it was fine so long as it wasn’t permanent and she could have Lance back. Lance smiled, Don’t worry my lady, you’re my one and only. He told her before turning to the alteans.

Coran.”

“Yes, Lance?”

Will you be the back up Blue Paladin?

anonymous asked:

the gay kiss in svtfoe is like 1 sec long i wish you guys would stop gaslighting people with this being good rep when the entire second season is given over to a completely unnecessary supposedly heterosexual love triangle, because they won't ever canonize marco as a girl. like seriously. pretending this is great rep has consequences, it alienates fans and it tells disney and other corporations they can throw us scraps and that they don't need to try to get our pink dollars. Stop.

Okay.

First of all, I can do whatever I want. Second of all, I can do whatever I want. And third, I can do whatever I want.

Okay? Glad we established that. With that out of the way, I’m gonna be very clear with people like you who keep telling me and other people like what we should want, need and demand. 

Star has done a lot in terms of destroying gender roles and other stereotypes and taboos for kids and young people out there. Its characters are not flat and they have their own personalities, their own lives and agency, which don’t conform to gender norms as they have been force-fed to us by society. Breaking this kind of stereotypes is gonna be so liberating for so many kids. For example:

  • You don’t have to be girly to be a girl (Janna is into a lot of creepy and icky stuff usually considered boyish, just to mention someone)
  • Being feminine doesn’t define your gender (Marco, and I’m gonna get back to you on this)
  • Having trouble managing your anger does not make you a bad person (Tom. who is working so hard to keep it under control and improve because he wants to be better)
  • You can have a bunch of mixed, apparently contradicting traits, and that doesn’t make you less worthy of the gender you identify with (Star is very girly and likes cute stuff but still kicks ass and loves every second of it)
  • Boys can be affectionate with other boys (if we assume, based on what we know at the moment, that Marco identifies as a boy, and again, I’ll get back to you on that), and that’s okay (Marco and Tom, even though I still think the whole Friendenemies episode was very homoerotic)

Originally posted by mettatonexox

I’m really grateful for this new wave of cartoons (such as Star vs The Forces of Evil, Gravity Falls or Steven Universe). Different shows are exploring different themes from different angles, and that doesn’t mean that one is necessarily above the other. Star may not be exploring queerness in full (like Steven Universe does, for example), more like touching upon its surface, but it is still playing a role in its normalisation.

Never did I say that the infamous 1-second gay kiss was good rep. For me to call it rep, I would need it to feature at least characters whose names we know. But you know what? I’m okay with it being something in the background and I don’t consider it gaslighting, because as far as I know, the show did not make a big deal out of it, they did not announce “Hey! We are giving you guys gay rep! Look at all the diversity we’re including!”. I actually heard nothing from the show-runners. It was the media that blew up and made a huge deal out of it because of some stupid parents’ reaction. The whole thing was a nice detail that acknowledged the existence of gay people and made an effort to normalise queerness by showing them doing something as mundane as going to a concert with their partners. Period.

And on that note, I want to add that yes, more than this is desirable and it’s okay (it’s very important, actually!) to ask for proper representation. But we can’t close our eyes to the stuff that’s already come our way just because it’s not as much as we wanted it to be. Things take time. Society is still coming to terms with LGBT+ people, and rushing them is only gonna make them clam up and reject any notion of it. Hell, parents wanted to take Star out of Disney XD because they were outraged by a 1-sec cartoon gay kiss! Even though I’m tired of waiting, I see that Disney is treading on thin ice with its more conservative audience and has to carefully plan its every step. And they are still making progress. Slowly, but surely.

We got Beauty and the Beast with gay LeFou (even though I still think it should have been the clock and the candelabra), despite the foreseeable boicot from many people. I’m not saying “we’re good, we can stop demanding stuff from show-runners and movie directors”, I’m saying, “let’s appreciate the progress we’re making while aiming for more”. We’ve come a long way since Disney’s massive no-homo when High School Musical gave a girlfriend to Ryan, literally the gayest man alive in the Disney Universe.

And about the “unnecessary heterosexual love triangle”: I dunno, anon, I’m a storyteller and I saw it coming for a long time. The show built up to that point. It’s not like they pulled it out of their asses. Would I have wanted it to be a love square featuring Tom? Why yes, absolutely, but oh well. It still makes sense in the story they’re telling and it’s integrated in the plot. It would have been weird if Marco, who had been crushing on Jackie since Day 1, had just moved on from her without thinking twice.

Originally posted by cosmicstimmer

Now, about Trans!Marco: I’m gonna be very honest with how I view it, and I’ll also let you know that I’m transgender myself (non-binary pal here, hey, how are ya), as well as a transgender rights activist and lecturer, so I know what I’m talking about. I have nothing against the Trans!Marco fannon, obviously. I think some seed has been planted in the show and as of now, people can make of it what they will. I’d be thrilled and on board if there were any confirmation from TPTB. But I’m not taking it as anymore than that for now, and I’ll entertain both Trans!Marco and Cis!Marco notions. Why?

Yes, Marco has been shown as Princess Marco several times already, pronouns have been changed to feminine and nobody has questioned Marco’s new status during those times. However, Marco hasn’t expressed a particular preference for being treated as a girl (true, no preference for masculine treatment has been expressed either, so we’re kind of in a neutral zone I guess?). I mean, you see Marco wearing dresses and a wig with no complain, as well as being treated as a girl, but after that episode is over, you don’t really see Marco displaying any signs of discomfort with gender identity or pronouns or disphoria or gender expression or anything like that. Actually, the character’s development continues as it was before that happened (anybody else remembers that episode where Marco lives on a different dimension for 16 years and embraces every masculinity trope under the sun?). 

Originally posted by soyalexnajera

Now I’m not saying you have to meet a bunch of requirements to be trans (I’m no trans gatekeeper), but these are the kind of things that usually give it away when we’re talking about someone else’s experience, since we are not inside their head. 

Yes, Marco does possess some traits traditionally associated with femininity (like spending hours getting ready for the date with Jackie), but they’re vague enough that they could mean something or nothing at all (like I said, the show does a lot to destroy gender roles). I feel like I can’t really call it for sure based on that. With how indifferent Marco seems to be to different pronouns, I’d actually say that there’s higher chances this character falls somewhere in the non-binary spectrum, rather than identifying as a girl. This is, of course, my personal opinion, and I might be wrong. But it goes to show that the hinting done in the show has been so subtle for now that it could go either way, and so, I fail to see why we should get angry that Marco isn’t being treated as a girl at the moment.

Just my two cents.

Don't make my girlfriend cry.

(warning: long story)

Okay, so this was a good few years ago, back when I was in high school.

In case my username didn’t give it away, I am happily and openly gay af, and I came out at about 14, around year 9 in highschool (I’m British). And from that second on, I was even more of a target.

I was already the preferred bullying target. The school was aware of it, they were also aware that my family didn’t take kindly to this (in my previous school, my Mum had brought the police into school on the day where the younger kids were coming to see if they wanted to go there, because they weren’t doing anything about me being bullied) so pulled a big huff and puff smoke screen to try and make it seem like they were fixing the issue, though they never did anything.

I had plenty of small ‘regular’ or 'petty’ revenges throughout my years. Getting people kicked out of classes, forced into counselling, etc etc. But this is the big one.

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I still don't know if he ever got his coffee

I’m not 100% sure this even belongs here and I’ve posted this story elsewhere so some of you might have read it already.

Some background: I work in a rather specialised area of Forensics. Officially I’m employed by Police Scotland but they tend to let other law enforcement agencies, universities, etc borrow us from time to time. A lot of the time it’s for consulting work or guest lecturing but sometimes we’re sent to teach training courses.

About 18 months ago I was asked to lecture at a training course for some of the CID higher-ups in an English Police force. It was the first time I’d done anything like it and I was crapping myself.

I met with the conveners and other officials for dinner the night before my first day, and after dinner and drinks, I was dropped back at my hotel.

So to set the scene; it’s about 10pm, I’m all dressed up in my evening wear and I’m sitting at the bar in the hotel lounge. The place is dead, it’s just me and the barman so I’ve taken off my heels and am unraveling my hair having just ordered a hot chocolate. The barman asks if I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. Yes, of course I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. No I don’t mind waiting while you run to the kitchen.

So I’m sit there trying to trick my phone into connecting to the hotels WiFi when Angry Man walks in.

He stomped into the room and slammed his fist down on the bar about 3 ft from me and barked out one word:

“COFFEE”

I didn’t know it but apparently that attempt at communication was aimed at me; a fact I learned a moment later when Angry Man moved right up next to me, bent over me so his face was practically in mine and barked out again;

“COFFEE”.

In an attempt to get away from the screaming coffee man I slipped off the bar stool, putting it between the two of us. Extremely confused and more than a little terrified, it didn’t immediately occur to me that he thought I worked there, hell it wasn’t even registering that he wanted a coffee. He was just repeating it the same way a toddler does when they learn a new word but don’t entirely know what it means.

I’m going to blame the confusion, fear and tiredness for my completely moronic response, which was to parrot the word back at him.

Me: “Coffee?”

Angry Man: “COFFEE”

Then he slammed his fist down on the bar again. This time I noticed that he was actually throwing down money.

My brain suddenly came back online.

Me: “Oh. Eh, the barman should be back in a sec. H-”

Angry Man: “Get me a coffee. Now.”

Ooooh four new words. Progress.

Me: “I’m sorry, mate, I don’t work here.”

Angry man (shouting now) “You fucking lazy liar!! Do you think I’m fucking stupid?”

Yes, actually, but I’ll be keeping that to myself.

Angry Man: “Get off your fucking phone and get me a shitting coffee”

Me: “I really don’t-”

Cue rant about me being the only person in the lounge so of course I must work there and I was just being lazy and did I take him for an idiot. All while I’m slowly backing away from the bar so he can’t pin me between it and the bar stools. Then he throws in this:

Angry Man: “Do you have any idea who I am? Do you have any idea how important I am?”

I never got to find out how important this guy thought he was. Instead Angry Man’s Friend came wandering in.

He took one look at me; pretty much cornered by Angry Man who is now screaming about how he’ll make sure I never work again while I’m trying to calmly tell him to back off and he tries to intervene.

He took Angry Man by the shoulders and moved him back away from me while asking him what was going on.

Angry Man: “This stupid little whore is refusing to serve me”

Me: “I really don’t work here”

Angry Man’s Friend: “She doesn’t work here. Let’s just all try to calm down”

There was a few moments of Angry Man’s Friend trying to calm Angry Man while he ranted about getting me fired until two barman arrived, one of them with my hot chocolate. The presence of the three men distracted Angry Man enough for me to grab my shoes and escape with my chocolatey goodness.

As I left I could hear him demanding to speak to a manager.

The next day, after being introduced to a lecture theatre full of high ranking CID Officers, I stood and walked to the podium only to be greeted by one guy in the audience laughing hysterically.

I just sort of froze trying to figure out the joke. Did I have food on my face? Was my shirt on inside out?

A quick check confirmed that, no. I’d managed to adult that morning.

A few other people began to chuckle as this guy struggled to get a hold of himself. As he regained control he pointed to his left.

Where a very red looking Angry Man was sitting.

I think it was the sheer relief that he wasn’t actually laughing at me that caused me to open my mouth and say to Angry Man;

“Oh did you get your coffee in the end?”

He walked out and I didn’t see him for the rest of the course.

Red Roses

I saw this adorable art from @the-sacred-pecan-pie and needed to write something about all those roses. 



His mama saved the flowers from the bouquet she carried when she walked down the aisle.

Bitty found them when he was five years old and bored and snooping through his parents room.

He found a stack of photo albums beneath old sweaters and dress shoes that his daddy rarely ever wore.

The first one was old and musty and filled with people he had never seen before in black and white and yellowing at the corners.

He quickly pushed that one out of the way and kept opening up new ones until the photos switched to color and he started to recognize his moomaw and his mama.

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malec fics I’ll probably never write but someone definitely should and also tag me so I can read them:

inspired by this post by @otppurefuckingmagic

  • Alec Lightwood has a job interview that could change his future, finally help him free himself from his parents’ hold on his life. So, obviously, he is freaking out. What better way to relax than to go have a drink the night before? At least, that’s what Izzy and Jace say when they drag him to Pandemonium, the new club that opened a few blocks away. Alec might be prone to believe them after a while, especially when he finds himself on his way to have the night of his life with the hottest guy he’s ever seen a few hours later. Magnus - or Sex on Legs as Alec has decided to call him in his head - even is sweet enough to cook him breakfast the next morning before they part with each other’s number but the knowledge that neither of them was looking for anything more. They just don’t have time for a real relationship and they’ve made it clear. Alec is convinced he will never see him again. That is until he gets to his job interview and Magnus is sitting there with a grave expression, a suit that makes him look annoyingly appealing and a raging bruise on his neck.
  • Joining the New York Philharmonic orchestra has always been Alec’s dream and he made it come true through years of hard work and lost sleep. Now he finally has a chance to become First Chair, but a newcomer threatens to steal his well-deserved place as leader. Magnus Bane is a prodigy and if his technique is flawless, it is the passion that transpires from his every motion when he plays the violin that grabs anyone’s - and Alec’s - attention. Alec wants to hate him, he really does, but it doesn’t help that in addition to being so frustratingly talented, Magnus Bane is also sweet and patient and utterly charming. And he refuses to make the run for First Chair feel like the competition it actually is. Alec might be screwed.
  • Magnus and Alec babysitting Clary and Jace’s child, but the child has a huge crush on Magnus and spends the whole night pulling pranks on Alec whenever they start acting like the married couple they are. Alec loves the kid. He does, but he is slowly starting to lose his mind and if that little demon prevents him from kissing his husband one more time, he might lose it. Magnus just thinks it’s hilarious - and adorable - to have two children - one of them being a 6′2 shadowhunter - fighting for him.
  • Magnus is a Robin Hood-esque character and he particularly likes to steal from the Lightwood family.
  • A Beauty and the Beast AU with Magnus as Belle and Alec as the Beast. Also featuring Jace the candlestick, Izzy the clock, Maryse the teapot and Max the teacup. Luke, Magnus’ adoptive father, gets lost in the forest while trying to help a injured wolf he found on the road on his way back from the city and he comes across the Beast’s castle, and gets captured. After they learn the news, Magnus goes to the castle and offers to take Luke’s place, despite Luke’s objection… We all know how that story ends. Sebastian as Gaston? I guess?
  • Magnus goes to his favorite coffee shop and the place is crowded so he ends up sharing a table with a stranger who also turns out to be the epitome of Tall, Dark and Handsome. They start talking because Alec is reading a book by Magnus’ favorite writer, Gideon Archer, and Alec keeps dragging the guy and hating on his books and Magnus just can’t have that. They argue for hours about it and regularly meet afterwards to talk about literature and books, and after a few meetings, book talks turn into anything and everything talks. When Alec realizes he is in love with Magnus, it’s probably already too late to tell him that he is, in fact, Gideon Archer.
  • Izzy and Jace get Alec and his son Max a cruise for Christmas because he hasn’t taken a vacation for ages. On the ship, they meet Magnus and his son Raphael, who are on a well-deserved vacation themselves. Max and Raphael hit it off as soon as they meet and decide they will spend every minute possible together. If they use that time to make up an intricate plan to get their dads together, well… what they don’t know can’t hurt them.
  • Alec and Magnus are both professors at NYU but they work in different departments and have never stumbled into each other. That is until one evening, Alec sees a stranger standing under the pouring rain and offers to share his umbrella with him and walk him home. He just doesn’t want him to get sick. This has nothing to do with that guy being the hottest piece of ass he has ever seen. He’s just being a nice person.
  • The Proposal AU. (seriously, why hasn’t this been done yet?)
  • Victorian AU. I have no plot for this one but I need it like I need air.
how I see the signs and what I want them to know
  • (side note - View of a Virgo rising, Leo sun in the 12th, Libra moon in 2nd, mercury Cancer in 11th, venus Leo in 12th, mars Leo in 11th)
  • Aries: was once my best friend, she made literally everything in my life brighter and always helped me to just enjoy things and stop worrying all the time. Also great hugs. Just simply has that energy, wherever it may be - physically, mentally, staying up until you binge watched that show, giving you their last money so you can get yourself something to eat before you starve to death, always down for a talk and a walk even if they had a packed schedule. Please don't miss out on times when you just have to take a day off to get your beautiful and strong energy back. I care about your health so please don't forget to eat properly and don't miss out on that quality time if needed.
  • Taurus: a girl from my drama class and my little sisters moon sign, I am just so in love with your sense for aesthetic. Total sunshines. I feel like I can always rely on you, super compassionate and knows how to make you feel comfortable when youre not. I love that when you have a goal in your mind, you will give your everything to achieve that! Also so humble but like I want you so desperately to know how beautiful I think you are!! I enjoy your company a lot. Please don't be afraid of changes, I know that's such a mainstream thing to write for Taurus but I really do believe that maybe sometimes you need to be reminded that life can also begin at the end of your comfort zone.
  • Gemini: a guy and a girl from biology class, I am literally stunned at how much these people know. Eloquent fluffballs. I could listen to you spreading knowledge 24/7, make great jokes in my opinion and just kind of knows... everyone?? Get along with so many people, can be very chill but also full of energy when they're talking about things they are interested in. Also fun-fact kings and queens. Please remind yourself to stay loyal to your true friends, you may know many people with whom you get along with so well and for sure everyone is intersting in their own way, but it's very possible to feel lonely in a crowd. Your closest friends will always get you out of that and help you, I promise.
  • Cancer: a close friend of mine, literally the most caring person I've ever met. Actual comedians. I don't know I just straight up fell in love with your humour. All the Cancers I know have or had some extreme physical problems going on, please get well soon if you read this and you're also not feeling well. Mentally on the next level, strong and kind of unbreakable. Don't hide their feelings because they just know that when you bottle up your feelings it's never going to end well. They just get you and will be there for you no matter what. Please take care of yourself just as well as you do with your friends and family, you are a true blessing and it's definitely okay to rant or cry or just let it all out.
  • Leo: my english teacher and a guy I used to be close with, very often completely misunderstood and taken for granted, which can lead to unhealthy behaviour. Will make you feel great after a plain shit day. I strive to be this talented at just expressing myself or being confident, even if you just want the world to think you are confident when you're actually not. Cuddly queens and kings. Better not hurt their pride because it took them a lot of time to actually get to that level and in a world where people hate on you for loving yourself, to them it feels like, despite all their work, they are not worth of loving themselves. Please don't forget that although sometimes it's hard to look in the mirror and like what you see, there are caring and warm-hearted people who love you just the way you are.
  • Virgo: a girl in my class I simply adore, I always annoy you with my endless compliments. Kind of just in love with these down-to-earth and sweet people. Either super chill or worried a lot, I wish I could just hug you until you feel less stressed. Smol but strong beans you can learn a lot from. So reliable, I actually hate doing group projects and always want to do everything myself but since you share that opinion we created something I was really proud of and now we always do them together. Please remember that passion is something you shouldn't be ashamed of, you simply don't have to be because it's something you love and your needs are valid. Also dreaming big, it's possible, especially for you so why not?
  • Libra: a girl I recently got to know and am already completely amazed by, literal social butterflies who sometimes only know in hindsight how much they enjoyed the company of someone because they adapt so easily and it's rare to find someone where you can just simply be yourself. Love how they view life and that they make me want to talk more. Very open and you never feel excluded because they just know how to include everyone. Please don't forget to remind yourself who you truly are and not to lose yourself in another person, because there really is only one you no matter how good you are at adapting to literally every social situation, you are amazing and I want you to be comfortable as well.
  • Scorpio: my dad and my ex boyfriend's mom, two very caring peole in their own way. I always love how sharp their sarcasm can be. Can comfort extremely well when they want to. So many secrets and things to know about them that I can lose myself in them wanting to explore whats actually behind their shell. Teaches you life lessons. Please don't forget that humans aren't flawless and that's completely okay. You don't have to hold onto old grudges, communication is key and talking about these things, confronting these people who did you wrong will help you grow as a person.
  • Sagittarius: an old friend of mine, very cute people who get interested in so many things and they are so versatile and adventurous I absolutely love their lively nature. Memes™. Total dorks you can fall for in a second. Are actually the best partners to just talk to about anything because they will be interested and share their opinion with you. Please remind yourself that cutting off people can be a very wise decision and you don't have to keep up with everyones shit if that's just not what you're in for.
  • Capricorn: I am literally so attracted to these people it's unreal, although I kind of always think that they don't like me...... anyways, my bigger twin sisters are caps and they are humble souls who really had to fight for a lot in life sadly. So proud of you. Keep up with the hard work, you really deserve everything. So realistic and pure I have heart eyes. Supportive and extremely loyal. Will stand up for you if you need it. Straight face™ but still manages to make even the most serious people laugh. Please remind yourself to not overdo it with the work, take a day off to relax and let yourself go maybe, even if it's hard - with the right people you don't ever have to be afraid of being yourself.
  • Aquarius: my ex boyfriend whom I had a crush on for like 4 years, teached me great life lessons. Will always have a weakness for aquas, they just attract me so much, how much of a fluffy dork can you be tbh? Capacity of acceptance is incredible. So much fun to be with. Are kind of just good at everything? You can talk to them about anything, it won't feel weird, they won't question it and just talk to you about that topic. So friendly, an underrated trait in my opinion, just complete and simple friendliness you enjoy to the fullest. Please remind yourself to let people not only see your amazing shell but also your stunning core, there are people who love to talk about the same things you love and nothing about you is weird, you are special and I absolutely love it.
  • Pisces: a very sweet guy I've been texting with for the past months, very open minded and also have that sensitivity I strive to have. Very inspirational smol puppy. Actual daydreamers™, may be late to school but love deeply and would never neglect your love. Kind of hate almost everything that's planned out? (I'm sorry I just love to plan things out) will hug you no matter what. Does not fear to dream big, is very talented at artsy stuff in my opinion. Please don't forget that even if it seems hard, and yes our school system is kind of very bad,we get to have that education and your dreams will be reality if you work hard enough to achieve them. You have so much potential, please don't ever waste it.
Don't Repeat History

I couldn’t help myself ;u;

Important stuff:

Ok, I’m done. I did this like, in half and hour and stuff so it’s pretty simple but yeah. *Shrugs* 

Disclaimer: Voltron doesn’t belong to me and neither does the AU.


The words leave him before he could stop himself.

“This is the Blue Lion?” He asks, voice small as he stares up at the big lion in front of him, something inside him urging him to come closer but he pushes it back stubbornly.

Allura nods besides him, a pleased smile on her face. “Yes, you used to be her paladin. The Blue Lion is known to be one of the friendliest of Lions; your bond with her has been so strong since the beginning, never wavering in the least. It is said that –”

Lance tunes Allura’s voice down, leaving behind a faint ringing noise in his ears as he stares wide eyed at Blue’s motionless eyes.

He feels a tug inside him one more time and this time he winces, feeling it more physically than mental.

The ringing turns into purrs and soft growling and Lance breathing come out short as he watches Blue’s dim eyes lighten up with life.

One, two, three ticks and then it’s like Blue’s eyes snap open and images fill his head.

He can’t make sense of anything. The faces are blurred, the noises that start as laughter turn into painful screams and sobs. Every feeling overwhelms him: there’s anxiety, excitement, stubbornness, determination, pride, love.

There’s relief. There’s a soft comfort feeling in the back of his head but it’s not enough to calm his breathing, to ease his tense shoulder and beating heart.

Lance vaguely notices that he started shaking, barely hearing the muffled drowned voice of Allura near him, calling to him, asking for him.

He doesn’t understand the words, but he doesn’t bothers to. He just needs to go, there’s too much around him and inside him. He can’t be here, he can’t deal with this, he needs to leave.

He needs to leave.

Keep reading

What went down in Dislocoeur
  • INTRO SEQUENCE
  • Ms. Bustier: in many fairy tales the prince breaks the spell by kissing the princess, can anyone tell me why?
  • Rose: BECAUSE DO THE SMOOCHY THING
  • Ms. Bustier: that's not really an answer
  • Max: technically this only applies to 87% of fairy tales
  • Ms. Bustier: there's no way that number is correct
  • Ms. Bustier: maybe like 7% or 8% at most
  • Rose: DO THE SMOOCHY THING
  • Ms. Bustier: yes Rose we got that
  • Rose: DO THE SMOOCHY THING DO THE SMOOCHY THING DO THE SMOOCHY THING
  • Ms. Bustier: who are you even talking to
  • Ms. Bustier: are you saying that in the imperative
  • Rose: pls do the smoochy thing :( #ladynoir
  • Adrien: well I just wrote this poem time to toss it in the garbage with the rest of the fandom
  • Marinette: hmm I wonder what that hot guy threw in the trash
  • Marinette: ooh it's a poem!
  • Marinette: "roses are red, violets are violet, poetry is f**king hard, do the smoochy thing pls"
  • Chloé: hmm why is Marinette looking through the garbage
  • Sabrina: did you know there's an entire fandom in there?
  • Chloé: wow she must be really desperate
  • Max: kk Kim it's time for you to run along this route and meet your crush on a bridge
  • Kim: why is her route so convoluted
  • Max: idk but if you meet her on that particular bridge and give her this particular jewel you've got a 87% chance of success
  • Kim: there's no way that number is correct
  • Kim: maybe like 7% or 8% at most
  • Marinette: I say go for it!
  • Kim: kk, running now
  • Alya: NO WAIT COME BACK
  • Alya: NEVER TAKE ROMANTIC ADVICE FROM MARINETTE
  • Marinette: now imma write a poem to Adrien
  • Chloé: and imma break the hearts of a buncha tweens
  • Chloé: hey tweens! you see how fabulous I am? well I'm never gonna date you
  • Chloé: do you see what you're missing out on
  • Chloé: well that was fun anyway I hope one of you gets akumatized now
  • Chloé: F**K ALL Y'ALL TO THE END OF THE WORLD AND BACK
  • Chloé: b**ch I'm out
  • Kim: *goes to bridge*
  • Kim: this is the Pont des Arts, right?
  • Kim: so where did all the locks go
  • Kim: it's just panes of plexiglass
  • Kim: this is way less romantic now
  • Chloé: hey Kim
  • Kim: hey Chloé lemme smash
  • Chloé: are you for real
  • Kim: I got you blue AND yellow
  • Chloé: you're as pathetic as that meme
  • Kim: she doesn't want blue and yellow
  • Chloé: look I've got a buncha tweens clamoring after me now
  • Chloé: so you're like fourth in line at best
  • Chloé: BYE
  • Kim: what has my life come to
  • Hawkmoth: wow this is even more sad than usual
  • Hawkmoth: like, I actually feel really sorry for you
  • Hawkmoth: so here have an incredibly cool transformation
  • Dislocoeur: now we're talkin
  • Dislocoeur: I've got a bow and arrows!
  • Dislocoeur: pew pew pew!
  • Marinette: and now it's POETRY TIME
  • Alya: whaddaya got
  • Marinette: "roses are nerds, poems are easy, lemme smash pls bc I think you're hot"
  • Alya: wot
  • Marinette: wow romance really isn't all that great when you're honest about it
  • Alya: wow and here I didn't think you'd ever have enough experience with romance to figure that out
  • Marinette: ooh sweet burn
  • Marinette: btw that flying guy just shot you with an arrow
  • Alya: yeah that's where the sweet burn came from
  • Alya: and now I'm suddenly tempted to go confront Nino in a rap battle
  • Marinette: YES DO IT
  • Marinette: ok Tikki let's kick that flying guy's butt
  • Dislocoeur: hey it's Ladybug!
  • Marinette: no not yet
  • Dislocoeur: oops sorry
  • Marinette: Tikki, spots on!
  • Dislocoeur: there we go!
  • Ladybug: welp running away now
  • Dislocoeur: pew pew pew!
  • Chat Noir: hey Ladybug I've got a confession to make
  • Ladybug: look I already know you love me ok?
  • Ladybug: please don't endanger us by confessing what's already incredibly obvious when there's a supervillain trying to shoot us
  • Dislocoeur: *shoots Chat Noir*
  • Ladybug: that one's on him
  • Dislocoeur: yeah kinda
  • Chat Noir: now imma kill you
  • Ladybug: why
  • Chat Noir: because hate always wins
  • Ladybug: citation needed
  • Chat Noir: citation: the US election
  • Ladybug: ok fair point
  • Chat Noir: you just accepted anecdotal evidence as proof of a general claim
  • Ladybug: oops you're right
  • Chat Noir: now prepare to die
  • Dislocoeur: *tracks down Chloé*
  • Chloé: wow and here I thought you couldn't get any more ridiculous
  • Dislocoeur: imma shoot you now
  • Chloé: and give me the ability to make even sweeter burns than usual?
  • Dislocoeur: wait nvm that's a terrible idea
  • Chloé: wow even as a villain you can't succeed in anything
  • Dislocoeur: hey Hawkmoth can you Tier 2 akumatize me?
  • Hawkmoth: sorry buddy you're on your own
  • Ladybug: I gotta figure out how to dehateify Chat Noir!
  • Brain ghost Ms. Bustier: the prince breaks the spell by kissing the princess
  • Brain ghost Rose: DO THE SMOOCHY THING
  • Ladybug: disclaimer—the following kiss is intended solely as a means of counteracting Dislocoeur's akuma-granted ability, and should not be interpreted in any romantic or otherwise non-platonic context
  • Ladybug and Chat Noir: *do the smoochy thing*
  • Rose: YES THIS IS PERFECT
  • Chat Noir: I don't remember any of that
  • Ladybug: good now end that f**ker
  • Chat Noir: *ends that f**ker*
  • Ladybug: well I guess we're done here
  • ROLL CREDITS

anonymous asked:

Do you have any just happy fluffy (I don't mind if smutty or nah) established relationship sterek just nice and derek is happy yay pls

AND

Anonymous said:Hey so I just had a really crappy prom experience so I could use some fics, can you give me some established fics with sterek? An update maybe? Thank you you guys really helped me get through this.

I’m sorry about your prom. But hopefully this fluffy list will help. And here’s the tag for more. 

Originally posted by girlmeetssterek

Ephemeral by thegirlgrey

(1/1 I 2,100 I Teen)

Stiles has a weird reaction to his anesthesia. He wakes up with temporary amnesia. The resulting video gets 1 million hits on YouTube in 6 hours. (Beyoncé can suck it.)

Ashes, Ashes by ShanaStoryteller

(1/1 I 2,699 I Teen)

The Sheriff gets a call at work - someone’s tried to burn down his home with his son inside.

“I thought of you coming here, and finding me dead, of another burnt out husk of a body, something else fire has stolen from you, of you having nothing left to grasp but ashes,” John can’t even call that a whimper, it’s clearly a whine as Derek’s hands tighten against Stile’s hips, as if his boy will shudder to dust at the mere mention of the possibility unless Derek’s hands can hold him into one piece, “and that thought was worse than dying.”

boys will be boys by HalfFizzbin

(1/1 I 1,309 I General)

Schedule a parent-teacher conference with the Hales at your own risk.

Let me take care of you by LillianDeLooney

(1/1 I 3,434 I Mature)

Stiles is six months pregnant with Derek’s babies when his mate gets home as a teenager, somehow having gotten de-aged again. Their mate bond is still strong, however, and all Derek wants to do is take care of Stiles…

When the Sky Fills With Rain by BarlowGirl

(1/1 I 5,205 I Explicit)

Derek raised an eyebrow. “You know I can shop for myself, right?”

“I know you can,” Stiles said. “But I don’t think you will. So we’re gonna go to Walmart and get you a couple packs of tank tops ’cause you look really hot in those and some more t-shirts and Henleys and basically whatever you need, and I’m going to stare at you and maybe drool a little while you try them on. And then we can go to wherever you usually buy jeans and I’m going to stare at your ass while you try those on.”

“Good to know,” Derek said dryly.

Stiles grinned. “Yup. And then you can wash them in my washing machine and leave them on my couch until they stop smelling like strangers and smell like us.”

Derek absolutely did not turn red.

Or: 5 Times Stiles Took Care of Derek and One Time Derek Took Care of Stiles.

When Nothing Else Works by hannah_baker

(1/1 I 5,915 I Teen)

Sheriff Stilinski is slowly and begrudgingly accepting the fact that werewolves exist, regular bad things still do happen sometimes, and his son may or may not be dating Derek Hale behind his back.

Or, the one where having Derek Hale in his bed is the only way Stiles can get to sleep. Much to his father’s annoyance.

Puppy Separation Anxiety by KaliopeShipsIt

(2/2 I 9,188 I General)

Derek and Stiles’ three year old daughter is completely fine with Derek dropping her off at Pre-K, but has a separation anxiety induced meltdown every time Stiles does.

Naturally, Derek jumps to conclusions that couldn’t be farther from the truth if he’d tried.

The One with the Kiss Cam by nerdfightingwhovian

(1/1 I 9,224 I Teen)

While at a hockey game, which was totally Stiles’s idea, the cameramen behind the Kiss Cam think Erica and Stiles are together. Derek, right next to Stiles, has to intervene on the behalf of his mate.

Also, there might or might not be a homophobic couple who start screaming at our werewolfy hero. He also might or might not give them the cold Hale stare.

Excerpt:
“We were all wondering if we could go see a hockey game. Erica and I really love to watch hockey, and Boyd finds it fascinating, mainly because it makes Erica blood thirsty, and their sex life is really weird. And Danny likes it and so does Kira, and she’s single and ready to mingle after her last boyfriend turned out to be less than ideal. Isaac is pretty much interested in anything that will guarantee him getting laid. And Scott and Allison just want to use the cold rink as an excuse to cuddle. And Lydia will jump at any chance to do more match and basically show off her brain to everyone within hearing distance.”
“What about Jackson.”
“Fuck Jackson.” And yeah, Derek should have expected that.

you break the mountain down by runphoebe

(1/1 I 10,655 I Explicit)

Stiles is pretty sure that it’s not normal to have a sexual awakening six years into a relationship. He’s pretty sure that’s supposed to happen at the beginning and not, you know, after you already have a mortgage together.

Stiles and Derek have been together for six years when Stiles graduates from college and moves back to Beacon Hills.

This Is Your Life, Derek Hale! by PolarisTheYoungWolf

(7/7 I 23,699 I Explicit)

I need more de-aged Derek and pregnant mate Stiles! Can you imagine de-aged teen Derek being told he has a family of his own? Like the baby(babies) are born and he’s like that for like…a weekend or maybe even a week or longer. And it’s just overwhelming and awesome and funny and teendaddy Derek trying to also be a doting husband/mate and maybe they have to go out…because the babies have chickenpox and they need the pink lotion to help with the itching(Do werewolves get chicken pox? Maybe one of the babies is human and got it in case Were’s can’t?) and Derek is torn from staying with his pups and getting something that will help their recovery? I dunno…just…de-aged daddy Derek that’s mates with Stiles is TOO cute an image!!!!

Take My Hand, Take My Whole Life Too by MereLoup

(4/4 I 82,981 I Explicit)

Derek spent too much time, walking amongst the ashes of his life and refusing to move on into the future; refusing to move past the anguish. But somewhere along the way he found purpose, rebuilt this house, found his mate, and he realized that this didn’t have to be the end, that he could continue the legacy of the Hale pack and carry on the traditions and rebuild his life. And now, in this house, with his pack, he was beginning the next generation of the Hale Pack with the most incredible mate he could have ever dreamed of.