Splitting is defined as a rapid change of emotions, but that’s not very specific. Despite the fact that splitting is an almost universal symptom for BPD individuals nobody really has put out the best description for it. I remember being very confused when I first heard of it and even more confused when my google searches came up without any real answer to what exactly splitting is. Truly the best way to define splitting is to describe it, but it tends to manifest itself in many ways, so I’ll do my best to cover them all.
Rage Split: A sudden anger that courses through the body sometimes without warning. Your chest will tighten and your vision may tunnel. A burning, aching feeling usually blossoms in my rib cage, like my heart is trying to break out and attack. Generally the primary emotion felt is anger. I become downright infuriated at someone or something for what could be no reason at all. This kind of split usually causes me to act impulsively, say things, I shouldn’t say, and lash out violently. It’s almost like catharsis in that it’s a release of emotions, or just this one overwhelming emotion. Sometimes I can’t really remember what I did or said during the split and looking back the memory is usually a blur.
Preparation Split: This is a split that usually isn’t acted on. Usually a scenario is imagined in the head of what somebody might say to you and how you’d respond. You start to gear up for this situation as if it’s actually going to happen. You begin to hate this person in question, despite the fact that what they ‘did/said’ was purely in your head. Then when the time comes and nothing happens you feel almost disappointed. Most importantly however the feelings of imagined anger and betrayal linger.
Isolation split: This is a split brought on by an extreme fear of abandonment and usually blindsides you unexpectedly out of nowhere. You could be at home, in school, at work, or even with friends and have the overwhelming feeling that everybody hates you. Not only that, but you have the desire to prove yourself wrong so you do the most rational (or in this case irrational) thing you can think of in an effort to get somebody to notice you: you cut yourself off. Now, for some borderlines this is just straight up cutting people out of your life aggressively and for no reason and then wondering why nobody is checking up on them. For others this might be withdrawing casually from social groups and conversations, desperately hoping for somebody to notice and ask if their okay. In both cases the borderline is either noticed, which brings on a sort of euphoria, or is unnoticed and will rage split on themselves (self harm, suicide attempts, risky behaviors, etc).
Those are the main ones that I come across, but here are some little ones!
Sadness split: A sudden feeling that the world had gone cold and empty and that nothing will bring you joy, ever. This could be mistaken as a symptom for depression, but usually these little splits resolve themselves within a matter of days or even hours.
Apathy split: The borderline no longer feels any emotion whatsoever. For borderlines this is a little bit of heaven that quickly turns into hell. We’re so used to experiencing everything at once that we don’t know how to cope with this new numbness, so we try to force ourselves into experiencing something. This may include self harm, dangerous/illegal activities, etc.
Silent split: Like a rage split in that it is anger fueled, but normally the impulsive behaviors are controlled. This is more common in quiet borderlines.
Euphoria split: This is a sudden ‘Everything is good and wonderful! Nothing will ever make me sad again!’ kind of emotion that results from getting the desired attention we crave. Borderlines will then become so wrapped up in this feeling that they neglect their real responsibilities, convinced that they will be okay and not having the permanence to remember the consequences of their actions.
Okay, I think that just about covers it. Just ask if you have any more questions!
now that james mcavoy and michael fassbender are going to be in x men dark phoenix can we also get evan peters as peter maximoff so he could fix his mistake from the previous film and tell erik that he’s his son just a thought
Request by @mr-robot-x : How would Jeff react when the reader dies in the accident instead of him. Clay and Justin support him.
A/N: I really enjoyed writing this, i listened to soooo many sad songs while writing this and idek how many times i watched my baby Jeff’s death scene and cried. Two of my friends read this and they cried. WE NEED TO PROTECT MY BABY, HE IS TOO PURE FOR THIS CRUEL WORLD
Saturn - Sleeping at last
If I die young - The band perry (iconic song in my opinion)
My immortal - Evanescence
People help the people - Birdy
Moments - One Direction
The whole playlist for 13rw
It was never supposed to happen this way. It should have been me! If that stupid stop sign wasn’t down and if I wasn’t drunk maybe things wouldn’t have ended this way.
*flashback* Y/N POV
As you got ready for the first party of the year, settling on a black romper and flats, you get a text from Jeff.
”be there by 20:30 x”
As you finished doing your hair, you heard your parents and who you presumed to be Jeff. As you walked into the kitchen it was as if he could sense your presence because he turned to you and flashed you a smile that was reserved only for you. You stood next to him and he wrapped his arm around your waist and pressed a loving kiss on your forehead. The drive to Jessica’s house was in a comfortable silence, with you humming to the tune of whatever song was on the radio and Jeff focusing on the road and having his hand resting on your leg.
You both stayed together for the duration of the party, as usual. You decided it was best that you not drink seeing that Jeff decided to play beer pong and someone will have to be the designated driver. You saw Clay and Hannah together and it looked like things were going well. Anyone could see that they liked each other if you paid enough attention. It seemed like the two were just waiting for the other to make the first move. Jeff was really doing a good deed by helping Clay, and from what you’ve heard, Hannah deserves happiness after everything the people at this school has put her through.
It was getting late, so you decided it be best that you and Jeff leave before he gets too drunk, knowing that he will regret it tomorrow morning. As you drove, Jeff filled the silence, “We should go for breakfast tomorrow”, he spoke. You smiled at him, “How about lunch? I don’t think your hangover is going to let you leave bed before 10″, you looked at him and laughed. But you were cut short by the sound of screeching tyres and crash, and everything suddenly went black.
You could hear a voice scream your name, no wait two voices. “y/n wake up, baby please just move, open your eyes. Do something so i know you’re okay please.” Jeff. “Jeff we have to get you out!” said the second voice. “NO! She needs to be okay Clay!” Clay, it’s Clay. You tried, you really tried to move but it was like you were stuck in cement. You wanted to just wrap your arms around Jeff and tell him that everything was going to be okay. That’s when you heard the sirens, the ambulance, Jeff still calling out your name. It pained you to hear him call and you not being able to do anything. It all sounded so distant, it sounded like it was happening miles away from the place you were. But what you heard next didn’t feel distant, it felt like it was being screamed into your ear. “Driver, female, late teens, time of death: 00:26.″
*present* Jeff’s POV
It’s been three days. Three days since I lost her. As I walk into school, everyone looks at me with sympathy and there’s road safety posters plastered everywhere. Are you fucking kidding me? “follow the rules of the road”, “road safety isn’t a joke.” Maybe if the fucking stop sign was up she would still be here.
“Jeff, wait up”
“I’m not gonna ask how you’re holding up, but you’re my friend and I need to know if you’re gonna be okay at school.”
“I don’t know anymore, there was this part of me hoping she would be there waiting at my locker like she usually does, standing there with open arms ready to tell me it was all a nightmare and that she wouldn’t leave me.”
“Hey listen, everything becomes too much, just tell me and we can put our lessons on hold.”
“No, no don’t do that. She believed in me Clay, she always believed I would would get my grades up and play again and I can at least do that for her.”
“Jeff you know I’m always gonna be here okay? Just don’t do anything you’ll regret, just talk to me okay?”
“yeah thanks Clay”
*2 months later*
She would be proud, y/n would be proud. I got my grades up and coach is going to let me play again. I just wish she was her to see this. “And now stepping up to the plate, Liberty High’s golden boy has returned, Jeff Atkins!”
As I walked onto the field I felt like everything was coming together. I took my position, ready to use all my built up anger and frustration and hit the ball. That’s when I heard it, I looked into the crowd to see where that voice came from but no one was there. I shook it off and got into position again, then there she was, the biggest smile and cheering me on from “her spot” in the crowd and i froze, the bat falling to my feet as i stood there staring at the place she would always stand during my games.
“Jeff! hey man what happened? you good?” someone said as they placed their hand on my shoulder, forcing me to move my gaze from the crowd. “She was there, I heard her voice and I thought I saw her Justin.” “Jeff she’s not there, I’m sorry.” “She was always at my games, she wouldn’t miss any of them. She was my lucky charm.” “Jeff there’s something you need to know about the night of the accident. I-uh Hannah said something after she died, but I can’t say anything. Sheri is the only one who can tell you what really happened that night….”
5. I totally felt a Natural Connection™️ with Tarjei AND Henrik when I got to meet them
6. Trying to be straight™️? ME
7. I can cry. I mean, CRY cry. Ugly cry (but still look good)
8. Do you see that picture of me and my boy squad in front of a castle? Yeah. #boysquad
9. I’ve acted in almost a dozen plays, both through school and independently, as well as three short films, so I know what I’m doing, but am definitely an unknown.
10. Sitting on a bench? Sign me up
BONUS: I would do anything to play Isak Valtersen. Julie and Tarjei were able to expertly craft this phenomenal character that helped me grow as a person more than I ever thought a fictional character could. When I watch Skam, I see so much of myself in Isak. I took the exact same Gay Test as him. I laid awake for hours wondering if boys I liked, liked me back. I awkwardly came out to my friends when they heard it from other people first. I dated girls to prove to myself and people around me that I was straight. My first gay kiss was ripped right from a movie, only I was laying down like Sleeping Beauty and he got down on one knee and kissed me. I understand Isak because I am Isak. I’m the scared, lonely, angry closeted kid who makes other people guess who I like because it’s easier than telling them myself. I know US Skam won’t be able to replicate Julie and Tarjei’s Isak, because it never could. Nothing and nobody ever could. I don’t know if US Skam will be good; some remakes (The Office, Shameless) are amazing, others (Skins) are terrible. I hope US Skam is good, because I hope other people get to have characters they connect with the way I connect with Isak. I want to play Isak (or Isaac?) because I want to do for somewhat else what Tarjei did for me. I will always be grateful to him. I will never be able to thank him and Julie enough for Isak Valtersen.
If anybody important ever sees this and wants to give me a chance, I’ll be eternally grateful to you as well. :)
“No… No…Nooooo! Don’t reset!” I bolted up in my bed. My clothes stuck to my skin from all the sweat. Frantically I looked to my side.
On the other pillow laid my phone.
“No,” I pressed my palms to my eyes,“ I can’t take this anymore.”
‘At first, it was supposed to be fun. Getting to meet her and talking to her; I didn’t mean to fall in love with her.’
Every time she completed a route, she would reset. Every time, she picked someone else and showed a different side to her. She won them over like the angel she was and every time, it broke my heart a little bit more.
First, with Yoosung, she helped him move on from Rika. Next, it was Zen and the scandal. Then Jaehee, who she helped go after her dreams. Then Jumin, who she completely accepted with all his yandere demands. But never me. She never picked me. She never ignored me but she never gave me much attention in the chat.
I waited patiently, hoping every time she would pick me but she never did. While she and everyone else forgot when she reset, I was stuck remembering. I didn’t know why I was the only one. Was this my punishment from God for abandoning him back then?
“Seven? Oops. Saeyoung?”
I snapped my head towards the door and there she stood.
“You’re here,” I spoke in disbelief. How was she here? Why? When?
She rushed over to me and hugged me.
“What’s wrong? I heard you screaming reset.”
Her warmth enveloped me and I felt the cold and loneliness slip away.
“I dreamed you reset and left me,” I clung to her tightly. If I didn’t hold her to confirm she was here, she would disappear. Maybe this was a dream too. If so, I wished to never wake up.
“Reset? What are you talking about?”
I pulled away slightly and looked up at her. Her face expressed her worry and confusion, but mostly love. She was waiting patiently for me to explain even if she didn’t understand.
“I dreamed you got abducted by aliens during our space wedding and they were making you reset to the first day when you joined RFA,” I smiled.
I couldn’t tell her. Telling her would only make it more real. I didn’t want her to even think about resetting.
It was selfish but I wouldn’t, no, couldn’t let her go. It would kill me now that I finally had her.
She giggled, “I’m sure the defender of justice 707 would come and rescue me.”
“Of course!” I grinned.
“Now go to sleep,” She kissed my cheek, “I won’t reset, Saeyoung. You’re the last.”
“What was that?” I asked. I didn’t catch the last thing she said as I slowly felt exhaustion take over.
“I love you Saeyoung. I won’t reset,” she smiled kindly as she walked out the door.
I smiled and closed my eyes. She had already completed the other routes. I was her last and with that I didn’t have to worry about her resetting.
I peaked into Seven’s room. He had fallen back asleep. The slow rising and falling of his chest proved that.
I looked down at my phone. I didn’t really understand but I knew. Every time I reset, I lost all my memories.
But this time, I was done. By subconscious choice or maybe, I had those memories repressed somewhere and saved Seven for last.
Now that it was finished, I could stay with him forever-
My phone buzzed and I looked at the screen.
“Mystic Messenger updated. New characters added.”
I felt tears blur my vision.
“I’m sorry Seven… I didn’t-”
“You’re going to reset.”
I looked to see Saeran looking at me.
“Don’t make me go through it again. I’m finally with Saeyoung. Don’t take me away from him,” he looked frantic and grabbed my arms.
“Saeran,” I looked at him shocked.
“I can’t remember but I feel it! I feel his pain! Don’t separate us!” He shouted.
I looked at Seven’s door and it was opened and Seven looking angrily at his brother.
I was shocked at the sight in front of me. Saeran was clinging onto her and there was desperation in his eyes. Once she looked at me and our eyes locked she looked away guiltily.
“You’re going to reset,” I felt my heart shattering once again.
“I’m sorry,” she looked sad.
It hurt. It hurt when she reset but it hurt more to see my angel in so much pain, and to know that I was the cause of that pain? That was even worse.
“It’s okay,” I forced a smile.
“Saeyoung! What are you saying?! I rather let her die than have her reset!” Saeran looked at me desperately.
“Saeran! It’s her choice!” I shouted.
He flinched and let go of her.
“Are you okay?” I reached out my hand towards her.
She looked at me shocked.
“Don’t feel bad about it. It’s something you have to do right?” I smiled.
Everything in me was screaming at her not to.
“Yeah,” she spoke quietly.
I tilted her chin up.
“Hey, why are you so sad? It’s not like anyone is dying,” I grinned.
I had to send her off with a smile. I didn’t want our last memory together would be her being so tormented and sad. I wanted to see her smile at me while still loving me.
“I love you,” I smiled. I felt tears in my eyes but I hoped she didn’t notice.
Tears were streaming down her face, “Saeyoung-”
“I’ll be waiting, okay?” I grinned.
She probably figured out what I was doing because she always had the uncanny ability to do so and it showed since she wiped her tears away and smiled.
“I’ll be back,” she smiled.
As she began fading, I lost my smile. I knew she wouldn’t be back. After all, she was going to forget everything. She never went back to the others once she completed them so what made me so different?
“Saeyoung….” My brother looked at me worriedly.
“Dammit!” I shouted and slammed my fist on the ground, “Why can’t I forget? Why am I the only one who remembers?! It’s not fair! Why are you punishing me God?!”
“Saeyoung, don’t think like that! I forgive-” I never heard what my brother was going to say as the world around me faded.
Once my vision was restored, I tried not to look at my phone as it began buzzing. I loved her and I lost her. She wasn’t coming back. I closed my eyes and tried to void my emotions like Jumin suggested.
It didn’t work. Memories of her flashed through my mind.
“Dammit all,” I laughed,“I should have pushed her away when she was on my route. Why did I cave?”
I opened a bag of honey Buddha chips then looked at my phone. I shouldn’t keep her waiting.
Waking up in an unfamiliar bed, you rubbed your eyes, blurring your vision for a second. You heard Tom’s light snores from the makeshift bed he had made on the floor to your left. You were in Tom’s bedroom, you had been in here a couple of times before since he bought the flat, but you had never stayed the night. He’d had a welcome home and a housewarming party for himself all in one at his new flat the night before after months and months of travelling. All of your school friends were there.
Tom met you on the first day of year seven, both of you were wearing shiny new school shoes and your uniform hung off both of you a few sizes too big so you had room to grow into them. His was the first voice you heard when you walked into your first class of the day - he was loud and confident, the polar opposite to your shy and quiet manner. Somehow along the course of the first few weeks of school, you and Tom had struck up an unlikely friendship, and soon you were welcomed into his friendship group. During the later years of your schooling life, when Tom started landing roles in big films, your friendship was tested when he was away from home for weeks and weeks at a time. You didn’t always talk, he found it hard to keep in touch all the time when he was working, and sometimes he pissed you off when he forgot about your scheduled Skype sessions. But always, when he returned home, he’d come to your house with a new DVD and some popcorn, and you’d spend the rest of the day snuggled under a blanket on your sofa, enjoying each other’s company.
Trying carefully not to wake Tom from his slumber, you crept out of his bedroom, shutting the door gently behind you. Making your way into the kitchen, you heard Harrison talking to Tessa as the television buzzed quietly in the background.
“Morning,” you said into the next room, your voice a little hoarse. “Sleep okay?” Harrison asked as you made yourself a coffee from the machine. “Mmhmm,” you replied. Once your coffee was done you sat with Harrison in the living room where Tessa sat across you both. “How long have you been up for?” “Not too long. Did you have a good night last night?” Harrison wiggled his eyebrows at you. “Yeah it was a cool party, nice to see everyone together again.” “That’s not what I meant.” “What did you mean then?”
“You know, in the bedroom,” you scoffed as he said it. Harrison had been trying to set you up with Tom for as long as you could remember. He had always been able to tell that you had feelings for Tom, even if you never admitted it out loud.
“He slept on the floor, okay?” You petted between Tessa’s ears. “Nothing happened. Nothing ever happens.” Harrison shot you a look as if to say Really? “How many times do I have to tell you?” You poked his arm. “We,” poke, “are,” poke, “just,” poke, “friends,” poke. “We’re just friends,” you repeated. “If you say so,” Harrison rubbed the spot you poked him in, the tone of his voice telling you he didn’t truly believe what you were saying.
Your attention was brought to the doorway as Tom stood leaning against the frame, the floorboards creaked underneath his feet. His hair was messy, he had sleep in the corners of his eyes and there was some dried drool beginning to crust around the corners of his mouth. He smiled sleepily as he caught your gaze. Pushing himself away from the doorframe he joined you and Harrison, sitting on the arm of the sofa closest to Harrison, his legs stretched out over him so he could tickle Tessa with his toes.
Request: I’d love one where the reader is Starks little girl but in
her early 20s. She’s a Girl Scout troop leader and brings her girls to the
tower to set up their cookie stand in the lobby. Bucky keeps sneaking down
there and buys cookies from them and winking and flirting at her making the
little girls giggle at them.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
Warnings: fluff central
Word Count: 892
A/N: this request made me smile so much! hope you enjoy, please leave feedback. my requests and taglist are open. I have one request left after this. let me know what else you want me to write.
“Dad, remember I’m bringing my troops to meet everyone
today. Please keep anything dangerous locked away. I don’t want to have to
explain to parents as to why all their little girl’s eyebrows were burned off.
Make sure the entire team is there. The whole point of today is for the troops
to learn about leadership. Everyone needs to be there. Got it? And we’re
setting up the cookie stand in your lobby. Please buy some boxes.” You left yet
another voicemail for your father.
Today, you were supposed to bringing your girl scout troop
to the tower to sell cookies, but they were all going to earn their leadership
patches by going. Troop 159 did sell the most cookies out of all the troops in
Manhattan, but it was all thanks to you, Y/N Stark. People just automatically
want to buy cookies from a famous man’s daughter. It’s just the way the world
All week you had been leaving the same message for him, but
he would never pick up the phone or call you back. He was probably holed away
in his lab, or avoiding Bucky Barnes. Sure, he might’ve killed your
grandparents, but you didn’t blame him. You knew it wasn’t his fault. You had
been through the same experience with Loki. He used his staff to brainwash you
and he forced you to do terrible things. In a way, you understood Bucky, even
though you had never met him.
Standing outside of Avengers Tower, you were really hoping
your dad had at least listened to the voicemails. With sweating palms, you lead
your troops inside. The lobby was empty except for a few folding tables. Good,
he had heard them.
“Alright girls, let’s set everything up. Then I will see if
everyone is available to come down.”
The girls got to work and you went to Tiffany, the
“Can you call my dad and see if everyone’s ready. Tell him
the girls are set up and ready to meet everyone.” With a roll of her eyes, she
got the phone and called to Tony.
“They will be right down, Ms. Stark.”
You nodded your thanks and went to go check up on the girls,
but they already had a customer. You hadn’t noticed anyone come in. All you saw
was his back, and it was a hot back. You made your way around the table to
stand with your girls. Before you could get a good look at him, you heard your
“Y/N! You’re here! It’s been so long! I see you’ve already
met Barnes.” You froze in your spot. Bucky Barnes was the man standing behind
you. He spoke up before you could say anything,
“well, I haven’t really had the chance to introduce myself.
I’m Bucky, and you must be the prettier Stark. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Before
you could blink, he had made his way in front of you. His front was definitely
much hotter than the back. His eyes were enchanting and that smirk, the fucking
smirk. He knew exactly what he was doing.
You slowly took his hand in yours. One of your girls decided
to speak for you,
“this is Troop Leader Y/N. She’s the best troop leader we’ve
ever had!” she exclaimed. Bucky had widened his smile.
“I bet she is. With a pretty face like that She could sell
anything.” Your mouth dropped open, and with a wink, Bucky walked passed all
the Avengers and into the elevator. You had just enough time to see his biceps
flex as he crossed his arms before the doors closed.
Your girls were giggling uncontrollably. That snapped you
out of your lovesick haze.
“A-alrighty girls, these are the Avengers. Most of you
probably know my father, Tony Stark, and Captain America. Everyone is going to
teach you the importance of being a good leader and today you will earn your
leadership patches. So, go introduce yourselves and get started!” you told them
excitedly. All the girls were beaming. Every one of your scouts loved the
With all of them entertained, you sat yourself down in one
of the plastic chairs. You felt a tap on your shoulder.
“Hey there Sugar, I realized I didn’t buy anything when I came
down. Now, what do you recommend?” you heard your girls giggle again. Everyone was
staring at the interaction between you and Bucky. Steve had a smirk on his
face. He had never seen his best friend so confident. You could almost see the
steam coming out of Tony’s ears, and everyone else was giving off a smirk. It was
almost comical how flushed you got around him.
“W-well, my favorites are the Somoas, just because I love
coconut, but I also like the Thin Mints. They taste better if you freeze them.”
You gave out your short answer.
“Alrighty, Darlin’ I’ll take two of each.”
You handed him the boxes and called over one of your girls
to do the transaction, they were the ones supposed to be selling after all.
“thanks, kiddo. I’ll be back down to see your pretty troop
leader again. By Y/N/N.” and again he disappeared.