when i get my vegetables and i just it's weird and creepy

A Beginner's Guide to Detoxing

For tmphenomenon:

I was looking forward to writing this for you because I love seeing young, black people do things to better their overall health (so we can be fine and sexy forever and slay into eternity, Amen). ALSO, ‘CAUSE, YOU’RE FAM FOR LIFE!!!

Why people detox:

When we enjoy delicious ass shit from our affordable fast food restaurants, we are destroying our body. Most of the time, the food we eat has been fried, dyed, processed, “enriched,” packaged, repackaged, and distributed, so by the time it gets to us it’s not really even food, though it tastes fucking amazing. It really messes with our internal health and perspective, clouding our judgment and fucking up our life. The healthier you eat and drink in general, the more clarity you have.

To combat the nasties, your body needs mini-cleanses every now and then so your digestive system can properly eliminate the bad, allowing for the absorption of good vitamins and nutrients we actually need. This strengthens your immune system and cleanses the blood. It also helps to block certain negative creepy crawlies that try to infect our cells.

The body eliminates toxins via the kidneys, intestines, lungs, skin, and lymph nodes, but most of the time it’s using all of its energy to break down everything we eat. Therefore, the toxins just float around and wreck havoc because the body ain’t got time to kick them out.

Buckle, up! Here we go! 

BODY

Food + drinks:

1. Lots of liquids- this flushes out all the bad stuff. It’s good that you already drink lots of water, but we need to kick that up a notch with herbs that will help cleanse your liver and colon, bettering your overall digestive health. I, of course, being a ratchet hippie, recommend tea. 

 a) infuse water overnight (slices of cucumber or lemon in a bottle). See tumblr for the chart of when is best to drink water for the most benefits + recipes at bottom.

b) green tea or herbal tea, start off with green +honey then work your way up 

c) juice! -fresh, not-from-concentrate, not- bullshit into thinking it’s healthy

You don’t even need a juicer, honestly. pour some water in a blender and spinach in there. BOOM. juice.

2. Fresh fruits and veggies (it’s cheaper to do this in smoothie-form). Big bags of spinach, bananas, and whatever fruit you blended up in a cheap blender (I got my from Wal-Mart for $15 and found another one at Goodwill for 3).

3. Fiber: This will help your body get rid of the toxins easier. I recommend eating at least one of the following ever day: brown rice, sprouted bread (NOTHING “enriched,” that just means bleached to look pretty -__-), cabbage, broccoli, spirulina, chlorella, etc. Fruits and veggies have an ass of fiber, so if you’re already eating those, you’re good.*

*If you don’t want to do the actual work, I recommend Bolthouse farms green juices. They taste good, have no preservatives, and are like 2.35 for 8 servings at Aldi. If y'all don’t have Aldi, I’ll get you some. Also, a lot of people mix these with water to stretch them, but also to make sure your body isn’t overwhelmed.

4. Take some type of vitamin. When I was drunk I ranted about “eating the rainbow,” because different colors correspond to different essential nutrients we need to survive the human experience. These colors also correspond to the 7 chakras. If you’re eating right, it balances other aspects of your life as well. Most of the time ain’t nobody got money or time for that, so buy a cheap one-a-day multivitamin so you won’t shock your body during detox.

What do the colors of fruits and veggies mean? (pic via @catasana)

Blue/purple= high antioxidant + balance bood pressure

Green= remove toxins and carcinogens, also sources of vitamin K, folic acid, omega 3 fatty acids

Yellow= Lutein (good for eyes), healthy fats, pretty skin

Red= powerful antioxidants 

Orange= vitamins A +C

Tans/weird beiges–usually high fiber content

5. Healthy fats- Depending on how long you want to detox, you’ll need to reintroduce heavier foods into your diet, after mostly eating fruits, vegetables, seeds, etc., so you won’t shock your body when you eat a piece of pizza

Try: Salmon, avocados, walnuts, etc.

6. Simply substitute slowly (alliteration for that ass!) Going cold turkey will make you miserable. Instead of french fries, get sweet potato fries. Instead of ranch dressing, get Italian or something oil/vinegar based. Instead of iceberg lettuce (which is honestly trash, and I would slap the fuck out of anyone who tried to serve it to me), get romaine. 

1 month detox:

First week: just drink one green smoothie/drink/tea (or eat your fill of fruit) every morning and don’t change anything else. Soon your body will start to crave whatever is in your smoothie.

You can also alternate between a green smoothie, a scrambled egg on toast w/ avocado, or BOTH. Whatever else you want that’s not like… frosted flakes you can pretty much have. You just want you body to get into a routine. Avoid heavy, delicious foods like pancakes, pasta (anything wheat-based. we’re prepping your digestive system) and no candy +sugar.

Second week: Make your breakfast AND lunch “green.” Have a big ass salad or lots of vegetables with a side of sweet potatoes or something. NO CHEESE (feta/goat cheese is okay though–easier for body to digest and less allergenic). We’re not even supposed to have dairy products, because it doesn’t agree with our systems at all, plus it’s gross (but so delicious).

I tell non-vegetarians that it’s okay to have chicken and lighter choices, but stay away from beef and dairy products. Listen to your body. Once it’s detoxing, you’ll start to crave everything you DON’T need to have. Especially sugar. Pretty much any fast food we eat is jacked up on sucrose. 

The first 2-3 days you might feel super crappy because your body is ridding yourself of toxins, but  once you get past that you’ll have an unusual amount of energy.

Third week: If you made it past the cravings hurdle, up the ante. Have a green juice before bed as well as in the morning. Stick with your one green meal for lunch or dinner. It is important that you eat enough, otherwise you will feel weak. Plants and herbs give you a lot of energy but you need to EAT them and drink them. We feel full after eating a burger but lethargic the next day because we just poisoned our body. We feel awesome after having a big ole salad because we basically just ate direct sun energy.

Last week: Listen to your body. The first time I did any kind of detox, I was so eager to stick to a plan, but every plan doesn’t work for everybody. Your body will tell you what it needs and by this time you’ll know what it is you’re supposed to be eating and drinking. It takes 21 days to break a habit (I don’t know if this is true, but let’s go with that).

Also, your body might not need a full month, and it might need longer than a month. You can tell how you’re doing by your energy level, whether or not you had a detox reaction (the feeling crappy, almost flu-like), and if you’re shitting regularly. 

Common types of detoxes:

Some people detox for weight loss, health issues, or just want to give their bodies a break. From what I’ve experienced, here are the most popular types:

1) Strictly juicing/liquids: unfeasible for you because you’re on your feet all day or using your energy on snapchat. The longest I’ve seen someone do a juice cleanse is for 41 days, but usually they’re 3-5, just to give your body a break)

2) All green- basically, no animal products and not a lot of processed food. Plant-based/(80/20 raw/cooked) are common forms. If you eat pasta/fries/pizza, you make it yourself and know all the ingredients going into it. Be cheap and buy frozen fruits and vegetables and make stir fry. Whatever you want to learn how to make, check out organigasm’s instagram and I’ll send you the recipe. It doesn’t have to be flavorless and fucking boring to be healthy.

3) Paleo- Yes: Fruits, Vegetables, Seafood, Nuts & Seeds, Healthy Fats, Lean Meat. No: Dairy, Grains, Processed Food, Processed Sugar, Legumes, Starches, Alcohol. Honestly, I think this diet is a fad that comes up with different names every few decades. Seriously, a bunch of rich people use this to diet or have “healthy lifestyles,” but thousands upon thousands of families don’t have access to these types of foods. I digress.

MIND:

1. Set your intentions when you wake up in the morning. Example: “Today, will be fan-fucking-tastic,” or you can thank the creator or thank your body for helping you out with your shenanigans. Keep it to yourself, write it down, shout it out, whatever. You need to start your day with positive thoughts to ensure you have the willpower to make it. You will crave everything you DO NOT need.

2. Work-out at least 30 minutes a day, and if you can’t do that, try 3/7 times a week. Start somewhere. Dance it out when you get out of the shower, walk down the street at a fast pace–whatever, again, just get moving.

3. For strength of body and mind, I recommend yoga, and I hope your stubborn ass considers it (it also makes for fun sex, I’m just saying).

Here’s a link to good poses for detoxing: http://bodyunburdened.com/yoga-for-detox-10-poses-that-promote-cleansing/ + youtube and netflix have free videos FOR NOOBZ!#@

4. Before you go to bed, clear all the negative energy you can. I’m not gonna get into all the stuff, but like when you woke up, write it down, draw it out, etc.

Doing this throughout the detox will allow you to clear your mind and determine what works for you during this new journey!

5. Get enough sleep–This is a tough one, but while you’re sleeping your body does the most incredible things. Seriously, you will thank yourself. Even if you only get 4 hours of sleep, getting 15 extra minutes, then gradually increasing REALLY helps.

Final tips:

1. eat your biggest meal at lunchtime (your metabolism is peaking from about 12pm-8pm)

2. SLEEP. Seriously. Your body is healing you. Let it help.

3. I will help you meal prep, but frozen vegetables + canned beans, packaged nuts keep the costs of detoxing low. Also, farmer’s have good ass prices. Take a fine honey on a date to the farmer’s market and cook a sexy meal afterwards.

4. Try new things. Seriously. You can’t eat a cucumber and an apple every day and expect magic to happen. 

5. Don’t overcook anything. Leave that broccoli a little crunchy. Don’t kill the nutrients, bro.

6. cheat! allow yourself one day during the first two weeks to cheat on your detox, or whenever you fucking feel like. you deserve rounds… of krispy kreme donuts. TREAT. YO. SELF. 

7. Don’t count calories, or carbs, or whatever the fuck the newest pyramid says to do. 

Good Water Infusion Combos:

1. lemon/lime +mint + honey

2. strawberries, blueberries

3. pineapple + basil

4. grapefruit/orange

5. mango + peaches

6. apple+ cinnamon + honey 

Final thoughts: Really, once you get used to it, you’re always detoxing. Even drinking a cup of tea a day and still eating like shit is better than nothing.  Just be kind to yourself. It’s a process, and I’m still learning, but I get better every day. Good luck! I’m always here to help. 

Now, let’s go detox, y'all.

✌️

For the anon who requested the guys being first time fathers/seeing their newborn baby for the first time:


Yo its Mod Gonta! This is my first time posting a prompt on here and I spent a lot of time on this one so I hope the anon who requested this and everyone else here enjoys!

Rantarou Amami:
-is probably the most calm out of everyone in this situation
-He’s very slightly nervous that some complications could possibly happen and you or the baby could get hurt.
-When the baby is born, he is smiling so much his jaw begins to hurt, but he can’t stop smiling anyways.
-“S/O, they look just like you!”
-He’s literally the chillest dad ever. He barely lectures his children at all.
-His child ends up having tiny double ahoges just like him and he finds it adorable.
-Is very supportive of his child and everything they do!
-They want to play basketball? he’ll go to every game! They want to become a musician? He will pay for everything!
-His favorite thing about being a dad? teaching his kid how to ride a bike.

Kokichi Ouma:
-He acts like he’s chill when his S/O is going into labor but he’s internally screaming.
-When the baby comes out he immediately takes the baby in his arms and is in awe over how cute and innocent he looks.
-“You’re gonna be the most evil supreme leader some day!”
-The nurses have to stop him from feeding Panta to the baby.
-is a huge jokester for a dad!
-all of the kid’s friends find him to be the coolest dad ever, but the kid finds him somewhat embarrassing
-likes to prank his kid a lot, but his pranks towards the kid are quite harmless (airhorns, putting honey on the doorknob, etc) even the SHSL supreme ruler has slight morals when it comes to kids.
-He likes to purposely embarrass his kid sometimes just to annoy them. Sometimes he’ll blast inappropriate music out the window when going to pick up his kid from school.
-Kokichi also likes to send his kid memes while they are at school.
-Basically he is more of a best friend than a father.

Kiibo:
-Obviously a robot can’t get anyone preggo, so he adopts a human baby with his S/O!
-Does a TON of research on taking care of human babies before he gets one!
-When he gets his human baby, he’s amazed at how adorable they can be and that all humans once started out this small!
-HELICOPTER DAD ALERT
-“where are you going? Get home before dark! its unhealthy to stay up too late! Do your chores! Get your homework and studying done! Finish your fruits and vegetables!”
-encourages his child to be respectful to everyone. Does not tolerate an ounce of disrespect and will lecture his child if they disrespect anyone.
-He is a master at helping his kid with their homework and studying for tests; his kid ends up getting straight A’s in all of their classes just because he’s amazing at tutoring his children.
-D r e a d s parent-teacher conference day
-Poor Kiibo gets so many weird and disturbed looks from the teacher.
-“This teacher is a robot racist!”

Shuichi Saihara:
-Oh boy he’s a nervous wreck
-he’s shaking, sweaty, and very red in the face while watching his S/O go into labor.
-“What if I’m not a good enough father??? What if I let something happen to my child??? Will (S/O name) be okay???”
-When the baby is born, it looks a lot similar to him. It has beautiful grey eyes and long eyelashes
-he’s very surprised that he managed to hold his baby without dropping it after it was born.
-The kid likes to take his baseball cap and wear it around the house, and he just melts whenever the kid does this because its really adorable.
-He even lets the kid wear the baseball cap to school sometimes.
-Shuuichi tries to distance his kid and his job from each other as much as possible, he doesn’t want his child to see anything disturbing.
-His child thinks that his job is really interesting though, and considers their dad a hero.
-Shuuichi tends to spoil his child a lot unintentionally, its just so hard for him to say ‘“no” when his child asks for the toy they want.

Korekiyo shinguuji:
-He tries to stay calm about having a child, but is a bit nervous.
-“Will it be frightened by my appearance???”
-cannot believe his sight once he sees his child for the first time, “What a beautiful human baby!”
-If the baby starts crying in the middle of the night, he gets up and rocks it, singing it to sleep. The baby falls asleep so fast because his voice is so soothing
-If the child ends up growing their hair out, he likes to braid and style their hair in a bunch of neat and unique styles before they go to school (the kid’s friends are jealous)
-Lets the child play with his hair and won’t get mad if they knot his hair by accident.
-He reads his child a bedtime story every single night before they go to sleep, he has a whole stack of books filled with bedtime stories to tell his child.
-Whenever the child has nightmares, he lets the child lay on his chest while he reads them a calming poem.
-After the child ends up falling back asleep, Korekiyo falls back asleep himself and its literally the cutest thing ever.
-He sometimes tells his child creepy folktales that involve misbehaving children so his child won’t misbehave, but he makes sure it isn’t too scary.
-Him and his kid love to bake and cook together! They just both genuinely enjoy it and its just a cute bonding activity for them.

Gonta Gokuhara:
-He is filled with so much anxiety on the delivery day.
-“What if the kid doesn’t think I’m a gentleman?”
-Once the baby is born, he is stunned and amused by how adorable it is and how small it is compared to him.
-The baby smiles and coos at him when Gonta holds it in his arms for the first time, it feels very safe and secure in his arms.
-His s/o will have to help him out quite a bit with raising the baby, due to his upbringing he doesn’t know too much about raising a child properly.
-He loves to find new insects for the child and let them keep some of them as pets! of course not the poisonous ones, though.
-If his child is male then he preaches to him about being a gentleman and makes sure he treats everyone with respect.
-especially women
-If his child is afraid of bugs then he is willing to help them get over their fear!
-Is respectful if his child is not interested in insects, though
-Like Shuuichi, he has a problem saying no to his child since he is too nice. He ends up unintentionally spoiling them.
-But if you aren’t acting like a gentleman or if you intentionally kill a spider? you’re grounded

Ryoma Hoshi:
-Before the child is born he is hoping to god that the child won’t grow taller than him.
-After the child is born, his depression starts to improve a lot
-It makes him so happy to have a child in his life !!
-Tries to be a strict dad but whenever his child does something cute he m e l t s
-He likes to take his child to the park afterschool everyday and practice tennis with them
-its a very cute bonding activity for them and they both enjoy it very much and have a lot of fun!!
-He sometimes loses his patience with the kid and gets angry with them, but will feel bad and apologize profusely later.
-The child ends up growing w a y taller than him and he is pretty upset about that.
-He likes to tease his child about them being tall as much as the child likes teasing him about him being short.

Kaito Momota:
-Is very excited to have the baby!
-He does a lot of shopping ahead of time while his S/O is pregnant!
-The first things he buys are a space mobil and glow in the dark stars for the ceiling
-if his baby is crying he will take it outside and gaze up at the bright stars and moon at night with the baby.
-Is the dad who constantly takes photos of his kids when his family goes on trips!
-Also the generic dad who wears an apron and flip flops and flips burgers on a grill in the summertime
-buys his kid pajamas with stars and moons all over them
-Will sometimes scold his kid if they do something wrong, but he keeps his composure and tries not to get too angry.
-He still apologizes later though
-Teaches his kid about all of the different planets and stars and shapes in the sky when they look up through his telescope together
-The kid ends up getting all As when they learn about space in science, thanks to kaito.

  • psychic: *reading my mind*
  • me: here we go, the whiskering begins. gimme your face. no pressure. nose pressure ahahahhaha pa ching and pa zam. your nose is quite a nice texture today. today? that face is not helping. no, no, no, no. how do I look? pretty great. fabulous. aw aw. whiskening achieved. let's answer some Qs. that's an X. you had one job, phil. *clapping* what happens in the basement of google? it's where vloggers are born. mother. would you rather have barbed wire eyelashes, ow, or grass hair? uh, grass hair. why? get a tiny mower, different style everyday. brrr brrr brrr. is canada real? uh, no. it's a fictional country, isn't it? I was aboot to say. *finger snapping* advertise the item closest to you in the most disturbing way you can. it's actually a pair of my underwear which was on the floor. that is your underwear? oh my god. underwear? watch out for an under-scare! disturb not make the worst pun ever. sorry. do a creepy face! *dramatic music* oh wow, that's horrific *weird noises* nooo, no no no no. phil, sing the first song that comes into your head in a scottish accent. oh, I don't know what song is in my head. what the what was that? ow. rekt. no. that was like a russian no. what the fuck was that? there's a russian man in my stomach. I think phil's trying to drop hints that's he's a cannibal, guys. rrr. play tug of war with phil's stress mushroom. what is the stress mushroom? they mean this baby. no, not that. I hate that. No! *struggling* no *more struggling noises* Oh. there's wet stuff in it- OH MY GOD -what is this?-WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME? WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENED? rest in peace, disturbing mushroom. do the next question in dan's room. invent a new swear word and use it in a sentence. alright, ch-chanksplooned. alright, go on then. yeah, I chanksplooned your mom's face. do we wanna know what does chanksplooned-ok. what would be written on your tombstone? oh phil, there was never a better king of the universe. for god's sake. what's on yours, dan? ugh. dan, you're a penguin with rabies and phil, you're a mouse that's constipated. *weird noises* have a staring contest with dan while barking like dogs. whoever laughs first, wins. (?) 3, 2, 1. *barking noises* AH HA HA. y'all laughed. invent something that not one person would ever use. a bed made out of smashed glass. I wouldn't use it. fair enough. phil, sing the john cena theme while dan pretends to be john cena. *john cena theme* ow haha ow I knew that was coming *laughter* do an impression of a dying goose *weird noise* what the hell was- oh my god. *laughter* *weird noise* make a duet about ladders. ladders ladders ladders ladders ladders ladders ladders- who would(?) you step on them and you climb-ladders ladders ladders ladders- they're made of metal, they go up-ladders ladders ladders- if you're a fireman, they're really high. laddeeeerss. ladders ep. that's the symbol of our band. everyone put out their ladder hands. yeah, that's what the crowd's gonna be doing to our concerts. YEAH, LADDERS AH. you just broke the sound barrier. that's what happens when you go fast, you idiot. what the f- oh my god. become a season. oh oh wha what was that? oh, it's spring. you were birthing something. phil, what vegetable should be king? the op-carrot? scroll through your camera roll without looking, choose a random picture and explain the story. scroll scroll scroll STOP. I- I was witnessing nature in action. and taking sneaky photos of it, you perv. HAHAHA. what is happening in this photo? it looks like I'm in a public toilet mid-blink. wow. *bad beatboxing* dan, you're a nacho. phil, you're the salsa. make fanfic. I'm just so dry and crusty and until I just get inside you and submerged myself in your red juices. DIP ME - I can't get into myself-DIP ME DIP ME DIP ME AH DIP DIP AHH AHHH AAAHHH AHHH I'M COMPLETE MMMM MMM. stop it. let's all take a moment to just forget that happened. what is your favorite number of the alphabet? seventy-L. how dry is your wenis? wait, I know what your wenis is! ayee, ayee. it's this. mine's pretty soft. this is your wenis. let me stroke your wenis. that is a smooth wenis. tickle my wenis? *laughter* pretty soft as well. damn, guys. moisturized wenii. ah, let's just move on. let's move on. say a really unerotic word in a sexy voice and then lick your lips. exhaust pipe. OH *disgusted voice* OH I FEEL VIOLATED. concrete. *laughter* nooo. play the spoons. my grandma actually used to play the spoons so, prepare yourselves. *metal sounds* spoons. look up friendship yoga and imitate the first image. what? what the hell is that? HOW ARE WE GONNA DO THAT? so, we sit on our butts, not on our backs and make sure you're kinda like resting on your butt then feet together and then hands. reach. ah, I got one. and the other one. ow. ok. wait, wait, wait. alright now, over to the top. friendship. ow. *laughter* ow ow oh my god I pulled my leg oh oh. we have a very low friendship level otherwise that clearly would've worked. disaster. phil, reenact the photo of chris pratt and his raptors using house plants. I've got this. oh, god. here it is. ok, phil, very well done. *clapping* I'm so proud. that's pretty- you have a problem though. you seriously- I am chris plant. oh, did you just? do a trust exercise. no, no, no that's not a good idea. I'm actually scared. phil, you better-I'm gonna catch you. fall. oh my god. fall. AH OH OH MY GOD OH OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH. your scream was incredible. YOU CAUGHT ME. I did. I DIDN'T DIE. Yeah. let's end this right now. So, there we go. thumbs up for another year of phil is not on fire. I'm quite shocked that I actually lived through this video-yeah- it was quite dangerous. You can click on phil's face to subscribe to his channel or my face to subscribe to dan. or click our bellies to subscribe to danandphilgames. is that a thing? give em a little tickle. ok. also, there's loads of new stuff on dan and phil shop so check the out- check that out- there's a link below. and we will see you guys next year. yeahh. i mean, we are gonna make videos but until this, the whiskers will return- there, there will be another of this. ACHOO. uh, sorry. I think that that's a good time to end it. Goodbye. *slow motion screaming*
  • psychic: what the actual fuck
Lettuce boy AU

When Mike sees the tall blonde boy walk into the shop, he groans and resists the urge to facepalm. Again? 

 He’s about to send a pleading look to his co-worker Calum, before realizing he took his day off because of a hangover. Leave Calum to get wasted the day before work. 

So Mike is left alone to watch the blonde do the exact thing he’s been doing everyday for the past two weeks. He also notices that despite his broad shoulders, the boy is pretty lanky, and his legs are clad in dark jeans so tight he briefly wonders if they weren’t painted on. 

 The customer makes his way through the aisle and stops in front of the vegetable aisle, staring at the lettuces in confusion. 

Mike definitely doesn’t think the way he scrounges his face up is cute. Nope, not at all.

He knows he’s probably creepy, staring at the boy like that, but there’s something truly fascinating about how concentrated he is about fucking lettuces. After more than five minutes of intense thinking, the boy picks one and continues his shopping. 

 Mike turns away and helps a few customers find what they want before peering towards the boy again. He’s about to go buy his items, and Mike looks on in anticipation. Maybe today he’ll do it. Maybe he’ll finally buy that fucking lettuce. Mike almost feels like holding his breath. 

But no. Just a few steps away from the counter, the blonde boy lets out a sigh and puts the lettuce on the shelf next to him. You know, the shampoo shelf. 

Mike feels his earlier annoyance flash through him, ending his moment of weakness (where he absolutely had not wondered about how beautiful the boy’s legs were and how nice his shoulders were and maybe also how good he’d look on his lap). 

In any case, now he’s mad. It’s one thing to have a (cute) weird indecision about lettuces, it’s another not to put the lettuce in its place and make Mike do it for him everyday! 

With a huff, Mike pushes off the wall he was leaning against and makes a beeline for the blonde boy, fuming. 

“Excuse me, couldn’t you put that back in its place?” He asks, his voice dark and aggressive. 

The boy looks up with a start, and when his blue eyes jump to Mike’s, Mike forgets who he is for a second. Holy shit. Wow. Okay. Wow. Pretty. 

Still, he swallows a gulp and concentrates on keeping the angry mode on. It’s not because this customer is insanely good-looking that he isn’t an ass. 

“Uh sorry. It’s just my roommate keeps pressuring me to eat more healthy food and everyday I try but I just can’t. Like I really try to gather up the courage, but it’s just not for me, every time I chicken out,” the obviously flustered blonde rambles on, and Mike tries really hard to ignore how cute he’s being.

“It’s been three weeks for fuck’s sake, just buy the lettuce!" 

The other boy blinks. 

"How do you know it’s been three weeks?" 

"Because I have to put that fucking lettuce back in its place! Why, did you think it was because of your beautiful eyes?” Mike snorts, rolling his eyes.

The blonde grins, causing his eyes to shine even brighter and a dimple to appear on his left cheek. 

“So…you think my eyes are beautiful?" 

Mike resists the urge to whimper. Dear god, someone save him. 

"Wishful thinking, babe,” he answers, the nickname slipping from his mouth before he can stop it. 

But the blonde doesn’t seem to mind. Nope, his grin widens and another, fainter dimple appears. 

“The name’s Luke." 

"Right Luke. How about you put that lettuce back in its place, huh? And for god’s sake, just give up on it. Fast food is so much better anyway." 

Luke bites on his lipring, a wicked glint appearing in his blue eyes. 

"How about if I put that lettuce back in place, you take me out for some fast food?" 

Mike grins right back, a blush forming on his cheeks. 

"Deal.”