when everything is lonely

Autistic Hogwarts students
  • Autistic students who are best friends with their pets, owls, cats and frogs.
  • Autistic students who spend all their free time in the library.
  • Autistic students who know spells that can muffle the sounds around them. This could be really useful in the great hall and other crowded places.
  • Autistic students who made a deal with the elves in the kitchen that they get their favourite and sensory safe food and drinks every day.
  • Autistic students who know secret passages and the least popular stairs in Hogwarts to avoid crowds.
  • Autistic students who like to wear the school uniform because they always wear the same and they won’t have to decide what sensory friendly clothing they want to wear each morning.
  • Autistic students who like to communicate with the merpeople by sign language. The merpeople come to the big windows on the far side of the Slytherin common room if they are curious or want to talk.
  • Autistic students who stim by flying on a broom or play quidditch in the heavy equipment.
  • Autistic students who buy their stim toys in a magical fidget shop: Potions which smell like everything you want them to. Blankets that adjust their weight to the needs of the owner. Stim toys which change textures and other things like self-rotating glitter jars, endless bubble wrap, moving pictures for visual stimming. Everything you’d ever imagine.
  • Autistic students who create their own ‘personal space’ inside their wardrobe with an extension charm to relax, recover and be alone.
  •  Autistic students who use the time-turner to visit their favorite classes, again and again.
  • Autistic students who are befriended with the ghosts and portraits because they need no physical contact and have hundreds of years of knowledge to share.
  • Autistic students who have a self-writing quill which makes notes in class.
  • Autistic students who have a magical bracelet or pin which displays the mood and show if they want to communicate or be left alone.
  • Autistic students who have a collection of magical stim toys which can fly, hover, change colours or textures or make sounds.
  • Autistic students who sneak out of their common room at night because they like to wander the empty and quiet halls.
  • Autistic students who invented a light that only shine for them if they want to read and learn all night without waking everyone.
  • Autistic students who made howler which can only be heard by the receiver because they are bothered by the sudden noise every time someone received one.
  • Autistic students who are allowed to visit the greenhouse, potion class, astronomy tower, stables for magical creatures or the quidditch fields if they want to experiment or learn about their special interest.
  • Autistic students who meet other autistics in the room of requirements to train or analyse social situations, talk about their special interests, stimming together, etc.
  • Autistic students who have self-organizing and magically expanding shelves.
  • Autistic students who have an arrangement with the house elves in the kitchen that always food and drinks appear near them when it’s time to eat and they forgot about it.
  • Autistic students who have blankets which can adjust their weight if they want their blankets to be heavier or lighter.
  • Autistic students who go nonverbal have magical cards which can display and verbalise their thoughts if they have to say something.
  • Autistic students who have a special interest in muggle things and interrogate all new muggle-born and half-blood students about it.
  • Autistic students who ‘lock’ their wands, so they can stim with it without setting of spells.
  • Autistic students who learn to cast their spells wandless because they don’t like the feeling of holding a wand or like to flap their hands.
  • Autistic students who are allowed to miss class if they (are about to ) have a meltdown, shutdown or a sensory overload.
  • Autistic students who have enchanted chairs and tables in every classroom which can adjust the brightness of the light, the speech volume of the teacher and other students and the room temperature to make the perfect environment for each student.
  •  Autistic students who have a magical compass which shows them the fastest way to their common room or safe place from every location in Hogwarts if they are going to have a meltdown, shutdown or sensory overload.
  • Autistic students who stay over Christmas in Hogwarts because it’s quieter and less stressful there than at their home.
  • Autistic students who are visited by their families and friends on visiting day at Hogwarts once a month. On every train station and in Kings Cross on platform 9 ¾  a wizard is positioned who cast a temporary spell on the visitors and lead them through the barrier. They will arrive at Hogsmeade where the students can meet them. In special cases, they can stay in Hogsmeade for a few days. After that, the Hogwarts Express will bring them back to the muggle world.
  • Autistic students who manipulate stinkbombs from Zonko’s Joke Shop or Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes that they smell like their favourite stimmy smell.
  • Autistic students who have a huge collection of chocolate frog cards or rare magical plants.
  • Autistic students who always have a sneakoscope on them, which make an alarming sound when it’s in range of an untrustworthy person, like a poltergeist or bullies. 
  • Autistic students who like to spend their time in the shrieking shack, when everything is too much and they need alone-time. It’s a lonely place because no others students dare to go there.To get there, they use the secret passage under the whomping willow.
  • Autistic students who like to spend their time at the boathouse because it’s quieter there than on the lakeshore.
  • Autistic students who row out onto the great lake to play with the merpeople and the giant squid and feed the squid toast from breakfast.
  • Autistic students who can’t travel in the crowded and noisy Hogwarts Express. Instead, they’re allowed to use brooms, portkeys, floo powder, apparition spells or flying cars or carpets.
  • Autistic students who can’t live in the common room could rent a room in Hogsmeade or stay home. They have to travel every day to Hogwarts and back home.
  • Autistic students who are allowed to travel with floo powder through the fireplaces from one classroom the next to avoid the crowds in the hallways.
  • Autistic students who like to flap and rock while reading about their special interests use flying books or let them fly.
  • Autistic students who like rules, order and organisation  want to be praefect of their house.
  • Autistic students who like the sound of the water in the Slytherin dungeon or the howling wind in the Gryffindor/Ravenclaw tower.
  • Autistic students who have a bad sense of orientation and take a copy of the marauders’s map from the Hogwarts merch shop with them to find the way to their classrooms.
  • Autistic students who visite besides muggle studies the social norm class for muggle and wizard worlds, in which muggle-born, half-bloods and pure-bloods learn about the social life and the daily life with or without magic in the other world.
  • Autistic students who have problems with personal hygiene. Instead of teeth brushing they can chew on a bubble gum made out of the juice of a rare magical plant. And instead of showering they can use potions or charms to stay clean.
  •  Autistic students who got stimming attachments from Olivander’s. They can modify their wands with chewing bits or little attached fidget toys or transparent parts with shiny liquid in it, like a glitter jar.
  • Autistic students who have magical contact lenses which can adjust the light level of every environment after the users needs.
  • Autistic students who teach themselves Parseltongue because they see it as a new challenge and a special way to make friends with animals
  • Send me your Ideas!
  • to be continued
Music Asks!
  • 1: Favorite band?
  • 2: Favorite song?
  • 3: What's a band/artist you loved as a child but can barely listen to now?
  • 4: Did you ever see a band/artist live?
  • 5: Are you going to any gigs soon?
  • 6: Ever been to a festival?
  • 8: A song with a number in the title?
  • 9: A song that gets you through shit?
  • 10: A good song for long bus rides?
  • 11: A song you'd have sex to?
  • 12: A song to shut everything out?
  • 13: A song for when you're lonely?
  • 14: A song that's become a joke between you and your friends?
  • 15: A song to jam out to at 4AM?
  • 16: An album you could listen to for days on end?
  • 17: A song that punches you in the gut every single time?
  • 18: A song for when you're crazy angry?
  • 19: If you had to pick one song to represent what you're feeling right now, what would it be?
  • 20: A song that calms you down?
  • 21: A song that makes you feel alive?
  • 22: A band with an insane fandom?
  • 23: What are some lyrics you love to pieces?
  • 24: Would you ever get any song lyrics tattooed? If so which ones?
  • 25: What's a band/artist you'd addict your children to from an early age?
  • 26: A vocalist you love?
  • 27: Has a band/artist ever inspired you to do something?
  • 28: A band/artist you love but no longer exists?
  • 29: What was your favorite band/artist when you were 12?
  • 30: A band/artist you can't stand?
  • 31: What's your favorite genre?
  • 32: Can you play any instruments?
  • 33: Do you sing?
  • 34: If you could be a member of any band for one show, who would it be?
  • 35: Do you have a favorite piece of merch?
  • 36: What's the first album you ever bought with your own money?
  • 37: Do you prefer buying physical copies of albums or do you download them on the internet?
  • 38: CDs or vinyls?
  • 39: Do you play your music out loud or with headphones?
  • 40: A band/artist a friend showed you?
  • 41: A song that gives you the chills?
  • 42: A song to play at your funeral?
  • 43: A band/artist with amazing an instrumental but really bad lyrics?
  • 44: A love song?
  • 45: A song you love to sing to yourself?
  • 46: What do you listen to when you go for a run?
  • 47: A song that represents a deserted city at night?
  • 48: A wild song?
  • 49: An upbeat song with grim lyrics?
  • 50: What are some song titles you love?
  • 51: If your life ended today, what song would you chose to represent it?
  • 52: Can you give me a 5 song playlist on ___?
  • 53: Do you listen to instrumental music?
  • 54: Weirdest band/artist you know of?
  • 55: A song about drugs?
  • 56: A heart-wrenching song?
  • 57: A band/artist you're proud of?
  • 58: A band/artist who's music could bring you back from the dead?
  • 59: A band/artist with a sick aesthetic?
  • 60: A song that has a lot of meaning to you?

anonymous asked:

how do you know if you're really falling in love with someone? it is a very cliché question but i just need someone because i'm completely confused at the moment

When their smile becomes the reason behind the fire in your soul. When they influence your feelings. When the things that matter to them, matters to you. When their happiness becomes your everything. When you feel lonely in a room filled with familiar faces without that particular someone. When they make you feel in a way that no one can.

In bright white snow, when everything sleeps.  And hope has left you lonely.  When all you ever remember about summer is how it ended.  I send hope back to you, wherever you are.  I hope you remember all the people you still have time to be.  I hope the little things in your life inspire you to do big things with it.  I hope you remember that summer comes every year and that the sun, is still sweet.  I hope you learn to hope again.
—  I Wrote This For You (Ian Thomas)

it’s gotten to the point again where i’m always checking in on other people and putting everyone else before me that i don’t even realize i’m falling apart and i’m too paranoid and self-conscious to say anything because i’m not about to be a burden again :)))))))) and like everyone just assumes i don’t know how bad it can get :)))) and they all assume that they know everything about me :)) so i just need a break :))))))) so basically if you’ve messaged me in the last couple weeks and i haven’t responded don’t take it personally i just honestly don’t have the energy to hold a conversation with anyone

Pshhh anyone down to give me a hug

2

T: She took me to the Sugarcube Corner to “only have a milkshake”, she said, but when we arrived everything was dark, and empty, with a big table on the center. I was confused while Pinkie looked very, very excited. She made me sit down and then disappeared, with a grin in her face. A few seconds later Rarity showed up, dressed in weird clothes, and started, like, randomly recite something. The moment she said “Be…” I realized what was going on and took my hands to my mouth, preparing myself for what was gonna come next… I couldn’t believe any of it. But yes, I loved it. After that, we all shared tons of laughs and ate together all the food made for the occasion. I wish I could relive it again…

P: You know, I could make some calls and…

T: No, Pinkie. It was lovely, but we won’t bother our friends for that.

P: Aww…

little all too well things
  • the first line is ‘i walked through the door with you’ which to me is so interesting because this image of crossing the threshold suggests them both bravely entering something new together
  • ‘the air was cold but something ‘bout it felt like home somehow’ is kind of sad don’t you think??? i have always wondered if the cold air feels like home because she’s been treated so coldly in the past??
  • and if we take it that way then the fact that she left her ‘scarf there at your sister’s house’ is like taylor giving up her defenses against the cold way the world has treated her in order to trust him
  • and he still has it in his drawer even now??? she gave away her defenses against the coldness of the world and she never got them back!!! he left her vulnerable.
  • like i mentioned in a previous post taylor uses cars and travelling as a metaphor for relationships of different kinds so them ‘singing in the car getting lost upstate’ suggests how comfortable they felt in their relationship and how long term they thought it was going to be 
  • autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place is like a punch in the face every single time because to me it means ‘when i saw all of nature dying and coming to an end it reminded me of us’ what a thing to say wow their relationship was blossoming but now is decaying and they are spiraling uncontrollably???? what a powerful image!!!
  • again with the car metaphors ‘you almost ran the red ‘cause you were looking over at me’ seems to suggest how they almost ignored all the warnings signs that they needed to end their relationship because they were so caught up in each other
  • i feel like the phrase ‘i was there’ is so important in this song because it shows the distance that taylor feels from the relationship now like it’s not ‘wind in my hair, i am there’ because it’s impossible to revisit those moments and live in them again
  • alternatively i feel like maybe it’s ‘i was there’ because it was her ‘old self’ that she mentions later who had all those beautiful lovely memories and she is not that girl anymore she ‘was’ but not now
  • i always thought that the description of ‘a little kid in glasses in a twin size bed’ is so sweet because it emphasises how big and lonely everything seemed when he was younger and how much growing he had to do
  • ‘you taught me ‘bout your past thinking your future was me’ is also so cute because he is teaching her so she can take over and write his future in the best possible way??? he is literally trusting her with his entire future???
  • ‘lost in translation’ is a beautiful way of saying that they could not communicate with each other but to me it has always meant that they could not adapt to each other’s worlds without losing an essential part of themselves much like when a book is adapted for film for example 
  • now for my favourite line of the whole song okay ‘but maybe this thing was a masterpiece before you tore it all up’ is so interesting because it brings into question beauty and value and whether something is only beautiful for as long as you can own it and it is tangible, like an old famous painting, for example, or whether it remains valuable and precious long after it is destroyed because it is the thoughts and people it inspired that had true value. this idea is revisited in sad beautiful tragic when taylor seems to decide that something can be beautiful and ruined simultaneously and that things do not cease to be beautiful when they are over (just like those autumn leaves falling earlier in the song)
  •  this song is just full of powerful images and ‘a crumpled up piece of paper lying there’ is so interesting because a piece of blank paper holds so many possibilities it is literally a symbol of untapped potential so the idea of her being a crumpled up piece of paper suggests all that potential between them being discarded all those pages of their love story that will now forever remain unwritten
  • this is a tiny thing but the repetition in the line that follows of ‘but i remember it all, all, all… too well’ just to me feels like taylor being trapped in the moment unable to move forwards to the next word and mirrors her being trapped in her grief about this relationship
Six Ways to be Lonely

‘Usually we regard loneliness as an enemy. It’s restless and pregnant and hot with desire to escape and find something or someone to keep us company. When we rest in the middle of it, we begin to have a nonthreatening relationship with loneliness, a cooling loneliness that turns our usual fearful patterns upside down. There are six ways of describing this kind of cool loneliness:

1. Less desire is the willingness to be lonely without resolution when everything in us years for something to change our mood.

2. Contentment means that we no longer believe that escaping our loneliness is going to bring happiness or courage or strength.

3. Avoiding unnecessary activities means that we stop looking for something to entertain us or to save us.

4. Complete discipline means that at every opportunity, we’re willing to come back to the present moment with compassionate attention.

5. Not wandering in the world of desire is about relating directly with how things are, without trying to make them okay.

6. Not seeking security from one’s discursive thoughts means no longer seeking the companionship of constant conversation with ourselves.’

- Pema Chodron, Comfortable With Uncertainty.

I’m so sick of feeling like people are using me. Like no one is really there for me. That people only keep me around for the attention. I just want feel truely valued and wanted

It's 2:51 in the morning, I have zero regrets, and I wrote another fanfic.

1,443 words
Ship: Clay x Tony
Fandom: 13 Reasons Why
This fic is based off a conversation I had with @myeverythingisyourstruly about the scene in the garage. It’s essentially just that part although I expand on it and show some more detail and inside thoughts on the characters. I’m on fire today.

————————————————


Tony groaned. The pain in his back only grew as he remained leaned over the car, only standing back up every so often to grab a tool he needed, or take a well deserved break.

All that had been on his mind the past few days was Jensen. He couldn’t get him out of his head no matter what he did. So, of course, he turned this to his work. Maybe if he focused on things such as this the way that he focused on Clay, he might be able to get a few things done in just a couple hours, who knows.

What he did know was how empty the garage felt. Even though most of his time in there was spent with the radio on, power tools whirring depending on what project he was working with, and having the garage packed with cars and supplies, it felt lonely. Sometimes when Tony sat and turned everything off, it felt eerie in there by himself. The scuff of his shoes echoing with each step.

This had been one of those times when noise was indeed imminent at all times. So he didn’t even hear the soft voice calling out to him.

Tony stood back and admired his work until it finally caught his attention.

“Tony?”

He looked around confused for a moment, before coming out of the small opening in which he stood to join the one and only Clay Jensen in the center of the garage.

“Yeah?” He responded, as he made his way to where Clay stood anxiously.

“Your dad said I could come find you.”

Tony looked at him for a moment before asking, “You okay?” It seemed as if he’d been asking that a lot recently.

Ignoring the question completely Clay began to speak again. “I talked to Justin about Jessica.” This earned an ‘okay’ from Tony. “How did everyone-, how did you, just listen to that and like…ignore it.”

Tony felt a pain in his heart like a knife. He couldn’t be accused of ignoring something like that. “I don’t think anyone ignored it, Clay.”

“Why is everyone protecting Bryce? Why are you?”

Tony shot him a look that told him he was nearing a dangerous topic. “I’m doing it for Hannah.”

“Oh fuck that Tony. Fuck that. Jessica got raped. And Justin’s got her completely brainwashed and everyone in school is just covering it up, and that is beyond fucked up!”

Tony stopped rummaging in his tool box to face Clay almost angrily. “Okay you don’t know the whole story yet.”

“What else do I need to know Tony? Hell, you’re brainwashed too just like the rest of them! But I’m not, okay, and I’m not gonna sit back and do nothing like you and everyone else including Hannah.”

As Tony had been listening and undoing the grey jumpsuit Clay had begun to go after him now. He pointed fingers at the school and at Tony himself

“Okay you need to calm down.” Tony started but was partially interrupted.

“She just let everyone intimidate her over and over and over until she just disappeared.”

Tony could see it. He could see Clay trying to work through something. This wasn’t full blown anger. This wasn’t some kind of blaming game. This was his anxiety talking, and Tony knew. His features softened as his listened, finally understanding why he was so upset.

“Well not me, no. I am not giving up.” Clay was beginning to tear up, but he kept going.

“Clay, you’re upset.” Tony calmly stated.

“You’re fucking right I’m upset! Why aren’t you? Why isn’t everybody?”

The garage was silent save for Clay’s desperate yelling. All the while Tony looked down at the ground and let Clay do what he needed to. He was there only inches in front of him to help him work through it if that mean’t physical contact, moral support, or a wall to throw insults at.

“Just take a breath, okay?” He whispered to Clay. He needed to remember to keep his breathing controlled, or at least breathe in general.

“Fuck you Tony.” He spat, shoving the shorter boy away from him. He anger was finally getting the best of him but instead of fighting back, which he easily could have, Tony refrained. He knew Clay was hurting.

“Fuck you.” Clay repeated, earning a “What the fuck are you doing Clay?” from Tony.

Another shove.

This time Clay had to be stopped, and when he reached out again, Tony gripped the hands that held his shirt in an attempt to keep him there. This gave Clay seconds to cool down enough to leave him alone, which is what the taller boy needed right now.

Tony released him, keeping those concerned eyes locked on Clay.

“Fuck you. Fuck all of you.” He said calmly as he went to retrieve his bike. However, as he tried to take it with him, the chain locked causing it to stop. This was all he needed to go off again.

It killed Tony, to see Clay like this. His chest felt heavy, yet hollow just knowing that the boy in front of him was suffering more than anyone knew, and there wasn’t anything Tony could do at this point. Touching him more than he had would prolong the panic attack, and talking to him just might make him more upset. So all he could do was stand and watch, and wait. Wait for when it was safe to help Clay and not make it worse.

As the taller boy sat in silence, Tony went to his bike to fix it.

“What happens if the tapes get out Clay?” Tony only dared to speak. “Lets say we, we try and get some justice for Jessica. What then? It’s his word against a dead girl’s. Open season on Hannah Baker all over again.”

Clay’s voice was soft when he spoke this time. Too soft. “What if got one person to tell the truth? Just one of them.”

“Alright, okay.” Tony cut him off. “I’ll make you a deal. Listen to the tapes, all of them and then we’ll talk. We’ll do whatever we have to.”

“And you’ll help me?” Clay asked. But it sounded more like a plea, a cry for help if you will. He needed Tony now more than ever.

He couldn’t tell if the heavy hollowness in his chest was lessening, or getting worse. He also couldn’t even believe Clay even needed to ask. However he still replied with a firm,

“Always.” This wasn’t just something he told anyone. This was a solid promise to Clay and he would never back down on that.

After finishing up with the bike, Tony wheeled it over and rested it among one of the shelves, and sat down beside Clay, examining his hands that had been covered in God only knows what, oil, grease, etc. and wiping them on the sides of his suit that hung loosely at his hips.

The two sat there like that. Dead silence between them until a faint plastic sound. Clay was taking out the next tape. As he put it into the walkman Tony watched carefully, weighing his options.

“Clay don’t.” He put his hand over the player as to prevent Clay from pushing the play button. “Not yet. You just, you need time.”

Without another word the walkman was back in Clay’s pocket, out of sight out of mind. Not really though.

More silence. It seemed like thats all there was these days, pure silence. No one wanted to talk. No one wanted to listen. Everyone just sort of, welcomed the silence.

Well, Clay Jensen had enough.

“Tony…” He began, and as if on cue Tony understood and brought him into a tight hug, pressing Clay’s head to his chest. Maybe his own heartbeat could help the boy settle.

A few sniffles were expected, but what was unexpected was the way Clay gripped Tony like a lifeline. As if he needed to hold on or who knows what would happen.

Thats how they would stay for the next hour and a half, together, holding each other and just listening to the sounds around them. Quiet breathing, their own heartbeats, and the crickets that were loud enough to be heard inside the garage. Clay didn’t want to go. He wanted to stay here within the safety of Tony’s arms, the walls of the garage sheltering them from the outside horrors. For a moment he felt at peace in a way, and Tony could rest easy knowing that Clay was here with him, and he was able to protect him for the time being.

panacea

Originally posted by tuesday330

Title: panacea
Pairing: Song Minho/Reader
Genre: Tattoo Artist!Mino
Summary: Whether near or far, the two of them were each other’s medicine for a long day.

Generally, Song Minho was one of those tattoo artists that did everything for passion and not popularity; if he was acknowledged then he gladly took the compliments, but he wasn’t one to post a picture of every single tattoo he did and much less put his own pride over the client’s choices or liking. Though often misunderstood because of his way of living, she had completely found interesting how someone as talented as him could get so surprised by the small compliments, as if modesty brought out the insecurities that he once kept when he was a mere teenager, doodling on the back of his notebook with ease. Not that she met him back then, but she would’ve loved to. Now he was grown up –or the most grown up version of himself although he still keeps that child-like demeanor of his- and she couldn’t approve more of his dreams. He’s…insane, like a shot of a new drink that you never tried but once you do you wonder what is that something that makes it so good, Minho was like that…strangely too good for this world.

She missed him, that’s the whole point of her ranting because he was in a tattoo convention and not only did she feel empty without him here, but that something was missing in her life as well. Minho had sent her pictures of himself whilst he was in the tattoo convention with Seungyoon and the corner of her beautifully shaped lips would turn into a smile every time she saw him. However, she’d like to believe that she missed him more than anything else. Strangely enough, she missed when he scared her once she got out of the shower; she missed his soft humming when he was searching for something to eat in the kitchen, the murmurs that are left over her lips as he kissed her, promising her a million things over and over…small things, mostly going unnoticed by the rest of the world but they were necessary for her. In the middle of her unstoppable, aching need to see Song Minho, she had visited the tattoo parlor, where she had a few conversations with Seunghoon about piercings and tattoos, life and what they liked…the man was a good person to talk to, if she was honest.

But now it’s that point of the week where only a few hours were left to greet the love of her life and she was anxious.

Keep reading

Timing Is Everything

Recollect a time when, among
the lonely whining note of a violin
played by her delicate trembling fingers,
a passionate princess wore a
lace nightgown flowing effortlessly as
she stood barefoot on the moonlit porch.
Your indescribable aching to tame her hair
in your hands and to touch her lips to yours…
But at last you only watched from the street
hidden behind the juniper bush too afraid or
too young to move towards her and know
her taste. Maybe ignorance is bliss…
Maybe a memory is more blissful when it’s
made thirty years later from the same porch
for the first time in full confidence.

~ Medicine Mask Poet

the-moon-loves-the-sea  asked:

the bit you reblogged with watson throwing a snowball and getting snogged in the snow is literally my absolute favorite piece of acd canon fanart. i can't even describe how it makes me feel, it's the scent of snow and the sound of Holmes' shovel and the feeling of Watson's glee just before he throws it, it's perfect.

it’s beautiful, and you describe it beautifully :’)