wheeeeeeee

Dearest Kindred,

I had the absolute pleasure of meeting the lovely @morganrhodes tonight at a signing! She was fantastic, as expected, so if the tour is coming to your city I *highly* recommend going. All four authors were lots of fun.

She did mention that IR was still in-progress and though she didn’t let anything spoilery slip, she said she’s *REALLY* excited about it.

So. Take that as you will.

It just made me more excited for the release.
🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃🙂🙃

today when I got home from work

gee, I wonder who this GIANT PURPLE UNNECESSARILY FUCKING HUGE BOX could be from?

MY CHILD

I am a responsible adult who makes good responsible adult financial choices

I’m sorry I keep on making fun of these guys but here’s a personality swap to add fuel to the fire

quietly headcanons that dremora bash horns pretty frequently

but not just for fighting. not at ALL just for fighting. 

adolescent dremoras bonking heads like baby mountain goats

casual affectionate horn bumping

two dremoras with ram-esque horns charging at eachother and getting their horns tangled up

dremoras filing the ends of their horns to a point

dremoras hanging sparkly shit on their horns if they get long enough

vain dremoras getting flustered and distressed over pieces of horn that get chipped off

dremoras with actual personality instead of just a bunch of testosterone huffing nerds from oblivion

The Man in Business Suit Levitating (?!?) emojis, ranked


(yes that’s a real emoji) (Your guess is as good as mine)

Apple

He’s so happy! Look at him! I imagine there is a stern-faced agent behind him being all like “Agent Smith get back here” and he’s all ”Screw you Agent Johnson I can fly wheeeeeeee” 10/10 I hope he does well in life.

Samsung

I don’t think he knows he’s flying. I think in a minute he’s going to look down to get his pen and freak out. FBI never trained him for flying. That’s not even a federal crime. 9/10 for giving my the mental image of shenanigans. I’m a simple man.

Google!

It’s stern-faced Agent Johnson! He can fly but isn’t very happy about it. He remembers when gravity was a thing. He misses those days. 8/10 I hope you find gravity again soon friend

Twitter


He’s really creepy. That smile is not an “I’m happy” smile. It’s not even a “I’m going to kill you” smile. It’s a “hello fellow car-bon based life” smile. It’s very odd. Also he’s levitating and that’s not normal either. 7/10 if I give you a high score will you go away please?


Microsoft!


Here we see the worst effects of capitalism. Look at this poor guy. “Look! You are granted one of mankind’s oldest and greatest dreams! You can fly!” “Yeah, but I still need to get up early for my meeting. Sigh” 6/10 he just makes me very sad tbh

LG

How the mighty have fallen. In 2012 the slenderman was the toast of the internet! Everyone was talking about him!. Look at him now, appearing on LG emojis. He sits at home every night, re-watching Marble Hornets and pouring himself another glass of wine. “I’m still relevant, dammit!” 4/10 of course you are slendy. Of course you are

Emoji one

He is not so much levitating as “being lifted by the air caught on his hat”. Look at that thing. No-one needs that much hat. It’s literally as big as his torso. What are you using that for? 3/10 can’t trust someone with that much hat.

Emojidex

Now, see, one of the three integral parts of “man in buisness suit, levitating” is the man. Take hime away, like you did, and all you have is a business suit levitating.That’s not the same thing and I resent that you think I would be fooled by it. 1/10 WHEN WILL THE LIES END?!

Do you think Jungkook’s jeans breathe a sigh of relief when he takes them off at the end of a long performance? Like, “Oh Praise Be To God! Those thighs are finally gone. I can breathe! My nerves have been stretched and frayed like the very fibres of my being. When will he read my memo about going a size up?”

And his white shirts must have meetings like, “Whose turn is it today? Gary? Is it you? Or is it me? Who is on for White Shirt Duty? Does anyone here remember who is meant to be doing the Wednesday White Shirt Shift?”

Taehyung’s clothes would eye-roll at them like, “Oh, you guys think you’ve got problems? Look how……OH MY GOD CAROL! RUN! He’s coming at us with scissors again!!!!”

Meanwhile, the rest of Tae’s wardrobe would be like, “Francesco and I are from the Milano Gucci store, we’re OG. I heard there are some sandals here from the New York branch. No offence but they can’t sit with us if they’re from the 2014 S/S collection. They’re not vintage, darling. They’re just tragic.”

Down the corridor, Yoongi’s clothes would have their own meeting like, “Look, I know it’s summer but we’re all just going to have to deal with the heat and fade okay? He’s bought us the special fabric softener for black clothes so it’ll be okay you guys. We can do this! Courage for our human!”

All of Jin’s clothes are like, “Wheeeeeeeeeee! We love Jin! We look so pretty! Oh dammit, Steve! Everybody stop! Red Steve just jumped into the laundry and now we’re all pink……..oh well. Wheeeeeeee!”

I know for sure that somewhere in the back of Namjoon’s closet all his shirts are sitting in a circle like, “I clothe him. Yes. We all clothe him. We are nothing but a social construct. But he gives us purpose! This symbiotic relationship is the true essence of being. Hey, where’s Cornelius? Did he get lost again? He’s not still in Japan is he? Because Namjoon lost his passport in Germany.”

Jimin’s sweaters are probably the sweetest kids at the laundromat. “Guys, remember what our human said. It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog. If you run into one of Jungkook’s punk ass t-shirts, bite the shit out of it and don’t leave any evidence behind.”

Hobi’s clothes have the best life for sure. “Our human is better than your human. That punk ass kid Jungkook got soy sauce all over me but our human gave me a nice pre-wash-soak. Then I got the gentle spin cycle, Huggy Bear fabric softener and full sunlight so I’m looking and feeling fresh again. Our human should run for president.”

Hahahaha just spent like three hours hanging out with the girl I like and am deliriously happy!

She is straight. And doesn’t know I’m bisexual.

OH THE HELL WELL *does a frenzied dance*

I love the spectrum of human emotions. There are those crushes where everything is wildness and misery and you wake up in the night being unnecessarily melancholic and feeling like oh shit, I’m a disgusting human being, why am I so desperate and pathetic WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME. And then there are those crushes where the tiniest bit of proximity buzzes up through your ribs and lights you on fire and when you’re close enough to see the color of their eyes your palms get tingly with sweat and your feet itch and everything is physical. And then there are those crushes where just looking at their smile makes your heart twitch like its own animal and your emotions turn to butter and caramel, and where you are so happy they are alive and on this planet that you don’t even care if they return your feelings. You just want them to be happy. And if they’re nearby, safe and themselves and happy, you are happy too.

this is the third kind

and it is fun.

and nice.

((Some crushes are all three. Those are the ones that scar.))