wheeeeeeee

The Man in Business Suit Levitating (?!?) emojis, ranked


(yes that’s a real emoji) (Your guess is as good as mine)

Apple

He’s so happy! Look at him! I imagine there is a stern-faced agent behind him being all like “Agent Smith get back here” and he’s all ”Screw you Agent Johnson I can fly wheeeeeeee” 10/10 I hope he does well in life.

Samsung

I don’t think he knows he’s flying. I think in a minute he’s going to look down to get his pen and freak out. FBI never trained him for flying. That’s not even a federal crime. 9/10 for giving my the mental image of shenanigans. I’m a simple man.

Google!

It’s stern-faced Agent Johnson! He can fly but isn’t very happy about it. He remembers when gravity was a thing. He misses those days. 8/10 I hope you find gravity again soon friend

Twitter


He’s really creepy. That smile is not an “I’m happy” smile. It’s not even a “I’m going to kill you” smile. It’s a “hello fellow car-bon based life” smile. It’s very odd. Also he’s levitating and that’s not normal either. 7/10 if I give you a high score will you go away please?


Microsoft!


Here we see the worst effects of capitalism. Look at this poor guy. “Look! You are granted one of mankind’s oldest and greatest dreams! You can fly!” “Yeah, but I still need to get up early for my meeting. Sigh” 6/10 he just makes me very sad tbh

LG

How the mighty have fallen. In 2012 the slenderman was the toast of the internet! Everyone was talking about him!. Look at him now, appearing on LG emojis. He sits at home every night, re-watching Marble Hornets and pouring himself another glass of wine. “I’m still relevant, dammit!” 4/10 of course you are slendy. Of course you are

Emoji one

He is not so much levitating as “being lifted by the air caught on his hat”. Look at that thing. No-one needs that much hat. It’s literally as big as his torso. What are you using that for? 3/10 can’t trust someone with that much hat.

Emojidex

Now, see, one of the three integral parts of “man in buisness suit, levitating” is the man. Take hime away, like you did, and all you have is a business suit levitating.That’s not the same thing and I resent that you think I would be fooled by it. 1/10 WHEN WILL THE LIES END?!

I’m sorry I keep on making fun of these guys but here’s a personality swap to add fuel to the fire

quietly headcanons that dremora bash horns pretty frequently

but not just for fighting. not at ALL just for fighting. 

adolescent dremoras bonking heads like baby mountain goats

casual affectionate horn bumping

two dremoras with ram-esque horns charging at eachother and getting their horns tangled up

dremoras filing the ends of their horns to a point

dremoras hanging sparkly shit on their horns if they get long enough

vain dremoras getting flustered and distressed over pieces of horn that get chipped off

dremoras with actual personality instead of just a bunch of testosterone huffing nerds from oblivion

Hahahaha just spent like three hours hanging out with the girl I like and am deliriously happy!

She is straight. And doesn’t know I’m bisexual.

OH THE HELL WELL *does a frenzied dance*

I love the spectrum of human emotions. There are those crushes where everything is wildness and misery and you wake up in the night being unnecessarily melancholic and feeling like oh shit, I’m a disgusting human being, why am I so desperate and pathetic WHY DON’T YOU LOVE ME. And then there are those crushes where the tiniest bit of proximity buzzes up through your ribs and lights you on fire and when you’re close enough to see the color of their eyes your palms get tingly with sweat and your feet itch and everything is physical. And then there are those crushes where just looking at their smile makes your heart twitch like its own animal and your emotions turn to butter and caramel, and where you are so happy they are alive and on this planet that you don’t even care if they return your feelings. You just want them to be happy. And if they’re nearby, safe and themselves and happy, you are happy too.

this is the third kind

and it is fun.

and nice.

((Some crushes are all three. Those are the ones that scar.))

What an exhausting day. 

Gabby reached up and ran her hands down her face, unknowingly wiping engine grease down her cheeks, creating a few black marks which added to her disheveled appearance. She was completely exhausted. There had been a few murmurs in the ship’s engine today, nothing serious, but worth crawling through the shafts to tighten a few bolts and tinker here and there to make the engine run more smoothly. She had spent her day crawling through those ducts and shafts, given the ability to spend sometime with just her thoughts and the low hum of the ships. Perhaps that wasn’t such a great thing after all, for she wasn’t sure if she felt even /more/ tired because of the thoughts or not.

She flopped back onto the sofa in the Starboard observation deck, tipping her head backwards, for a few moments of solitude. Normally, she would never sit like this, splayed across the couch haphazardly. She was always so tight and formal around just about everyone but Ken- though she was starting to warm up to Engineer Adams and Tali. But in the loneliness of the observation deck, she didn’t much care for structure or manners. She didn’t care that her oil and grease stained uniform was resting against the bare material of the couch, which would become someone’s headache later, and she didn’t care that her face bore a few splotches of oil and grease itself.  Her hands were even worse, covered moreso in the black material, along with a few scratches and scabs from today’s work alone. 

At this moment, she was too tired to go and wash up before relaxing. She didn’t have much time on her break, there was still work that needed to be done. But for now….She allowed her tired eyes to close, feeling the heavy lids finally resting, enclosing her in darkness. It had been another sleepless night. She had slept decently for the first hour, only to be plagued by dreams and nightmares- nightmares created from her very real memories from her time under the abduction of the Collectors. That wasn’t something you could forget, or ignore. While Gabby handled it well in the waking world, there were certain nights where the memories reared their ugly heads in the form of dreams, and would leave the Engineer startling to consciousness, gasping for air, and looking around fearfully. When these nightmares surfaced, Gabby knew it would be another sleepless night. She would then spend the rest of her hours sitting awake in her bed, walking the halls of the Normandy, or even doing /more/ work with the propulsion systems. And when the rest of the crew awoke, only assuming that she had risen earlier than them, her real work load would begin, and she would be stuck doing more work off of barely an hour of sleep. 

She wasn’t entirely sure how many nights of this she could stand.

Being abducted by the Collectors, seeing their horrors first hand, watching other humans being…‘processed’ as Doctor Chakwas had put it, and knowing that you would undoubtedly share the same fate….Just remembering the emotions sent a chill up the Engineer’s spine. There had been an unspoken rule among the remaining crew- to never speak of the Collector Abductions ever again. No one ever mentioned it, at least not in public, and it was driving Gabriella insane. Was she the only one still haunted by this?

Ken refused to even acknowledge it, which disturbed Gabby even more. His refusal to think about it, of course, resulted in Gabby never admitting that she was still haunted as well. But there was…something else. Something that had happened between the two during the attack. Gabby could remember every detail of the initial assault up until she had been caught off guard, and stunned by one of the Collectors. That was where her memories went hazy- she only remembered bits and pieces of the rest. Strange fragments of Ken’s voice, yelling over the gunfire, feeling herself drop to the floor, only to be picked up once more. Strange memories of someone grabbing her hand, as if to pull her back, only to suddenly let go. /Someone/ had been yelling her name with a distinct accent. That was where everything went black, and the next thing she knew, she had been on the Collector base.

Shit, she just couldn’t remember, but something had happened between the two Engineers. She /knew/ it. And she knew Ken remembered it more than she could. What was he hiding? She was tempted to beat it out of him, but shit, that would just make things awkward. That was the pathetic part. They had been partners in crime for years, and Gabby was still struggling and trying to come to terms with this ridiculous crush of hers. She didn’t even know if he felt the same. No, he most likely /didn’t/. Too busy noticing other woman.

With an aggravated groan, Gabby placed her hand over her face, once more smearing more dirt and oil over her already dirty skin. It was best to just never dwell on these things.

But the Collector’s abductions, her relationship with her best friend, the impending doom of the entire universe just seemed to fester in her mind, slowly driving her insane. Eventually one of these days she would snap and come clean about /one/ of the subjects.

She just hoped it would be a subject that would preserve her sanity. 

korealchemist  asked:

Hello, how are you doing? I just read your postpartum body post and LOVED IT and I know you said it blurred into 'what would the chocobros be like as dads' and I was wondering if you could do a full fledged post for the chocobros as dads! If not, it's okay! Please and thank you, keep up the good work!

Thank you! (^̮^) Here’s the ‘chocobros as dads’ post which I have been wanting to do so badly since that post. I spent ages on this because it was so much fun. I hope you like reading it as much as I enjoyed working it out and writing it.


Noctis

Super tender and loving.

Quiet, adores cradling his newborn in his arms. He could sit for hours playing with his baby’s fingers and toes. He loves it when his baby curls their fingers around his and holds him.

Nose boops

With accompanying ‘boop’ noise.

All the cuddles.

Spends his lunch breaks between council meetings walking his child around the castle grounds.

Super protective

Just a few toys, some family heirlooms, but mostly ones he’s found for the child.

Very protective of his partner too.

Fiercely loyal. Will stand up for his loved ones at all costs.

As the child grows up he’s supportive and encouraging, but regrets how much time he is not able to spend with them because of running his kingdom. Ensures he religiously takes one day off a week (Fridays) to spend it entirely with the child. As they grow up, it’s spent doing what the child wants to do.

Ignis runs the kingdom in his stead on Fridays.

Even kings need a day off too

Cue Noctis going to a chocobo farm (with accompanying undercover Glaives)

Cue Noctis going to a funfair (with accompanying undercover Glaives)

Cue Noctis going to an adventure park (with accompanying Glaives)

But sometimes Noct asks his child if they can do something he wants to do. He’s so, so excited when his child loves fishing as much as he does.

Fridays becomes Fishing Day™

Fishing Day™ becomes enshrined almost in Insomnian Law as a sacred day which shall not be disturbed.

Disturb Fishing Day™ and you risk being exiled. Or fed to a hungry behemoth. Or to Gladio.

When his child is old enough to show interest in dating, Noct turns into Nightmare Dad™, having full background checks run on the person and their extended family before he will even permit his child to hang out with them, let alone date them

Only because he loves them so much and is terrified of anything happening to them

They are really close and when Noct learns to back off a bit about dating, the child actually comes to him to talk about affairs of the heart.

Prompto

Terrified as a new father

Excited as a new father

Terrified he’s going to screw up and that his child will hate him

Excited about all the fun he can have with his child and his partner

His partner reassures him that the child will adore him

Child adores him

Endless giggling

Literally endless

Prompto plays with his child for hours

Works as a freelance photographer so that he can work from home and support his partner in raising his child that way

Takes child in a lil carry pouch everywhere with him if he’s on a photoshoot

Everyone thinks its adorable

It is adorable

Child is a very strong visual learner, just like their father

Child is highly dyslexic, just like their father

Prompto spends a long time working out a way to help his child learn without making them feel stupid. They’re not stupid. They just process things differently. He knows this, and in time, child proves everyone wrong about them.

Cue Prompto and child high-fiving outside the school when they win a battle against The Headmistress of Doom.

Child has Prompto’s blue eyes, freckles and blond hair

Child is essentially Prompto 2.0

When the child is a toddler and is in the backpack on Prompto’s back, they play with Prompto’s golden hair, tugging it incessantly, as well as his ears

Prompto never loses his temper with the child

Patience does wear thin though

Prompto is frequently told off by his partner for over-indulging the child, either by showing too much affection or by acquiescing to every request they make. This is because he was not shown much love as a child, and never wants a child to grow up thinking they’re not valued or loved.

Child is possibly The Most Loved™ child on Eos

He and Noct have their children at around the same time, and they instantly become best friends. They play together, and cause mayhem together, while Noct and Prompto sit back and dust their hands off, like ‘we did good’. Their partners exchange exhausted looks and clear up the collective mess and mayhem

Gladio

Super. Protective.

Simultaneously The Best™ and The Worst™

Worries obsessively

Worries excessively

All the contingency plans…

Quiet time with his baby is his favourite time of day

He loves coming back from a stressful day, walking through the door and kissing his baby’s forehead. The smell of his baby’s hair is the most relaxing thing ever.

He dashes into the shower and then emerges and spends the whole evening with baby.

Either does baby aeroplanes, lying on his back on the sofa with baby above him, going ‘wheeeeeeee!’ and making other silly noises, or lets baby rest on his huge chest while he reads.

They have been known to fall asleep like this for hours.

His partner will come into the room and find them asleep with one hand resting on baby’s back, the other either holding a book or resting quietly on the sofa.

It’s adorable.

Sleepy time with baby is pretty much his favourite time.

Takes all the worst shifts during the night to help his partner

Baby always stops crying when Daddy Gladio holds them and cradles them and sings softly to them to get them to go back to sleep

Like Prompto, he has been known to take baby to work.

This doesn’t work in quite the same way as for Prompto, since he can’t strap baby to him while he’s fighting or training recruits, but he has baby in a carry cot on the side of the gym, and turns to baby every now and again and jokingly asks, “How am I doing, baby?” or “How’s my form, baby?”

His recruits at first don’t know what to do with this, but they learn to roll with it. Some of the full-rank Crownsguards joke fondly with him that his baby will be a black belt before it can walk, just by watching him, and he replies that he hopes they will be.

Totally smitten with baby

Golden eyes go all glassy and gooey at the mere mention of baby.

Makes sure they begin their fighting classes super early.

Aunty Iris is the child’s favourite person after their parents.

Sleepovers with Aunty Iris are basically their favourite thing.

Iris is the only person Gladio feels completely relaxed about leaving baby with

Aunty Iris is the person they go to when they’re older and have issues they don’t feel comfortable talking to Gladio or his partner about.

Gladio is kind of a stern father as they grow older, often pushing them too hard to be the best they can be. Clarus 2.0, but perhaps with more humour and compassion. Still causes tension.

When Gladio’s child is a teenager, the two of them have some spectacular rows and shouting matches about duty and expectations. These rows always upset Gladio a lot, but he instinctively keeps it from the child to allow them to make their own decision about becoming a shield. He knows you cannot become a shield unless you are utterly dedicated to it.

One night the (teenage) child finds him wracked by floods of tears after an argument. This marks a changing point in their relationship.

Teenager tries harder to reconcile wanting to be their own person with the destiny of becoming shield to Noct’s child.

(Gladio’s child has a similarly rocky start to their relationship with Noct’s child as Gladio did with Noctis, but in time they become close).

Gladio cries all the time at his child’s achievements, from kindergarten to university graduation.

IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT IT IS. HE CRIES. HE’S A BIG FUCKING MESS.

Most Overtly Proud Father Ever™

Also Most Embarrassing Father Ever™

Has zero shame

Will collect his child from school and bellow their name across the yard, waving

Child withers inside

Child always comes over grinning though, and they usually exchange a friendly punch on the arm

Child also likes reading, though different genres from what Gladio likes. Father-child quiet-time remains a constant right up until the child leaves home

Ignis

Ignis was absolutely against having a child for a long time because of his blindness

He argued with his partner about it

It was the only thing they ever fought about

Apart from his Ebony-habit

And his late working hours

He feels the ache to become a father after all three of his best friends become dads and start talking about raising a child

Because his child is so much younger than the others, when he is finally convinced to become a father, he asks them all for their advice

The chocodads are all only too happy to share

Some of what they tell him terrifies him, but he knows how happy the prospect of having a child ahs made his partner, so he knows he cannot go back.

Absorbs all the information there is possible on becoming a father. Also reads blogs about fathers with disabilities. Discovers he could probably do it

Manages just fine

Yes, there are some difficulties, and some things he finds really difficult – changing diapers is almost impossible at first – but he learns and adapts

Ignis’ child inherits his intelligence, and he personally tutors them

Tries to make it fun and entertaining, not a chore

Wants his child to enjoy learning, and always to ask why and what and to try and get to the heart of the matter out of the joy of being curious, not because they have to

Never pressures his child into advanced programmes or into being something they don’t want to be

If they want to do something which doesn’t require a PhD in rocket surgery, then that’s fine. He just wants them to be happy and fulfilled.

Ignis and Gladio could probably vie for the Most Protective Father award.

Curfews.

And rules.

But rules are made to be broken, and he tries very hard to maintain a straight face when his child disobeys the rules he has set, especially when they argue their case with poise and eloquence.

Because his child is younger than Noct’s, Gladio’s, and Prompto’s, his child becomes the baby of the group. The others form a protective army for Ignis’ child. They love their younger friend fiercely.

Ignis is hugely touched by this

Ignis has been known to cry because of the kindness shown to his child by the others

When Ignis’ child is a teenager, they start helping Ignis with his outfits. Initially he is Very Nervous™ about this, but when his partner says their choices are ok, he accepts it. His child respects their father too much to prank him with things like that, and eventually it becomes ritual, where they help him chose shirts and ties to match his suits etc.

Ignis is deeply saddened by the fact that he’s never seen his child. It greatly distresses him and despite his partner describing their child to him, he is often very upset by the fact that he cannot picture his own child

His child is more creative than he was, and one day in pottery class they did a self-portrait in clay so that Ignis can always have his child’s face within his fingertips. He is so touched by this that he cries

Self portrait of his child sits on his desk in the citadel and is what he runs his hands over during stressful phone-calls or conference calls to keep himself centred

At his child’s graduation, which is a few years after the other chocobros’ children’s graduation, he is sitting on the front row with the king, Prompto and Gladio (who are all godfathers to his child), in floods of tears, and Gladio just presses a tissue into his hands with a knowing look and pats him on the shoulder.

He gives his child away at their wedding, walking up the aisle with them, and is A Mess™ for the whole of that day. Prompto is the photographer at the wedding, and Noct and Gladio are there to make sure that everyone is appropriately tipsy.

Ignis is The Most Understanding™ of fathers, which might be surprising because he seems stiff and cold, but he loves his child so much it almost hurts him to be parted from them.

He makes sure they know self-defence.


Oh my gods. The fluff in this. I’m sorry. I hope no one has allergies…


As a thank you for reaching 150 followers (though I’m now somehow at over 300), I’m now writing 150 word drabbles. Send me a person or a pairing plus a word or a sentence, and I’ll write you a 150 word drabble in return! (note, I’m moving house right now, so I may not be able to respond as quickly as I’d like. I’m sorry!)