wheat free baking

Who “Said” It?

Who said it? Blake Lively or Gwyneth Paltrow? Have a guess!:

I simply can’t start my day without a nutrient dense oat basket, oolong tea with reserved honeycomb from local, pregnant and humanist bees, and a crisp cup of aggressive goat’s milk

How do I stay so young looking? I just take the embryos of a thousand lightning bugs and crush them into a golden hued cup with a pinch of saffron and a whisp of the devil. Then, the sacrifice! But you better believe I use SPF, and I love Aveeno. They keep my halo shining.

Have you ever found your wallet so stuffed with credit cards, and it’s one of those dedicated turquoise wallets, it’s given you years of service, and it’s a turquoise curated specifically for you. But you throw it out anyway, because once a job is done, it’s done. Even the credit cards, you just throw out. When a job is done, it’s done. That’s what I say to the bone mountains, all the mountains of bones.

The funniest thing to me is pink fondant or lace detailing on any cookie that isn’t at a bridal shower..

In Europe, carrots are called ‘oranged long legs’ and schools are referred to as 'children, stretching their arms into the sun, with the freedom to do as they please.’

Haha! If I had a wish, it would be to change the words to that song My Favorite Things to something that more suits my needs. I would add dyed alpaca fur, and decay, and old French Tiles, and my favorite kitchenware made out of druzy, and haunted ruins, and NARS Dragon Girl lipstick, and dressing Christoph Waltz in only thrifted Ralph Lauren, and my cozy little Rain Penthouse, which is where I go when it rains. But I would keep apple strudel!

I’ve never even touched a pair of khakis! Some people don’t believe me when I say this, because I’ve done a lot of different and spectacular things–weaved a bikini out of palm fronds in front of Johnny Depp, found myself knee deep in salt-covered branzino with no grill in sight, invented herbs, made a cocktail without bitters or edible flowers, unleashed horrible spirits, but no, I’ve never touched khaki pants!

See my movie The Age of Adaline, but no, it’s not true, I’ve only been alive half as long, as half as long as the word mustard, actually.

If you’re having company, whip up an easy dinner by squeezing the liver of an eternal, immortal duck and spread it on any old gourmet, wheat free, freshly baked cracker you have around, topped with volcanic sea salt. And wine reduction! Oh, and everlasting peaches! You wouldn’t believe how scrumptious it is, and this is coming from a woman who used to eat only limes. Fun Tip: Channing Tatum’s favorite snack is wine glasses, made of spun sugar, crushed on top of some screaming thing!

Your blood, mistress. Bring me the blood.