whats up with all these davekat

God help me I’m thinking about fucking self-indulgent/sadstuck soulmate aus for canon Homestuck like

  • Names show up on your arm in the appropriate color when you turn 6 or 13. If you’re a troll, you get five names. You don’t get to know which are which. It fucking sucks.
  • Terezi had secretly hoped Vriska would be her flushed match, but Vriska had hoped for Tavros because the Summoner and Mindfang were matched, and by the time Terezi and Vriska realized they were some kind of match, they had already gone through Make Her Pay. 
  • When Vriska figures out Terezi is one of her matches, she redoubles her friendly flattering messages trying to get her back, because she’s not sure what quadrant she and Terezi are destined in, but obviously she’s going to collect all her soulmates and figure something out, because that’s her destiny.
  • Terezi licks her arm on her 6th wriggling day, smells blueberry, and then just fucking buries herself in the scalemate pile and screams in frustration for like a whole day. It’s a whole three nights before she even reads the other names.
  • Karkat has spent his entire life hoping that his matches are his age or younger, so he can find out about and subsequently silence those fuckers before they get his name on their arms in heretical red and decide to turn him in. He’s dismayed when he knows a few of the names. He’s even more dismayed when one of the names is also in red.
  • Kanaya is hella freaked out because she has a four letter name on her arm, in an off-spectrum unnatural lavender color, and does that mean she’s an alien fucker? (yes)
Here's to the aggressive Davejadekat shippers hijacking Davekat posts:

Both Dave and Karkat have expressly said that poly relationships make them uncomfortable.

Hussie said Davekat is canon. Davekat. Not Davejadekat, DAVEKAT.

Finally, friendship is a thing.

What part of this are y'all not getting? Why do you feel the need to take the only decent gay male relationship I have to look up to and stick a woman in the middle of it?

Why are you unable to accept that maybe Jade is just, I dont know, single? Fuck your “It doesn’t have to be like this, Dave has two hands” bullshit, he said outright he’s not comfortable with poly relationships.

Or is erasure okay when you do it?

Just leave Davekat alone.

JadeDaveKat

So they’ve settled on Earth C.

Karkat is trying to somehow chart out the complicated entanglement of flushed and pale feelings all three of them have for each other (also known as what humans call “love”), wondering if he should take into account him and Jade’s ashen history.

Jade attempts to explain human polyamory to him, like, we can all just love each other at once and it’s okay, it’s not a conflict. Not everything is a romcom.

Dave interrupts like “no jade” “i mean i feel you” “but you gotta explain it on his terms” “you see karkat” “you are in my karkat quadrant” “and jade is in my jade quadrant” “so there isnt a conflict” “you dont need to chart anything out” “in fact please dont” “it will be better for everyone”

So Jade says “what about me and karkat?”

Dave thinks about this for about a microsecond before blurting out the first thing that comes to mind “hmm I see what youre saying there jade” “you think theyll be a jade or karkat quadrant conflict” “but obviously you two are in the dave quadrant”

Jade laughs.

Karkat complains about “DISRESPECTING THE QUADRANT SYSTEM”, but that actually helped him understand a bit and he secretly finds it endearing.

The story of Jade{Dave}Kat gets around to their friends and soon “I Dave you” becomes a meme. Dave is content to, as always, be the reigning Meme King.

Until

One day Dave gets bombarded by Rose with pictures, all in various romantic poses with Kanaya, with captions like “When you really Dave someone.” and “True Dave.” Dave love can be appreciated by most and be the best thing ever, but when it’s his sister and her wife, it’s suddenly unacceptable.

He comes into a room with Jade and Karkat.

“hey dave!” Jade greets him “as much fun as we were having just being in dave with each other, you should definitely join us now!” She’s smiling. This sort of greeting has earned her a positive response the entire time since the Dave meme’s inception.

But not today.

“i cant believe im saying this” “never thought this day would come” “but im gonna have to break up with both yall over a fucking meme” “thats it”

“WHAT THE FUCK DID I SAY?” Karkat tries to protest.

Dave’s mouth doesn’t stop “its over” “theres a meme obstruction in front of this romance train”

“ANYWAY YOU FOUND THAT INVARIABLY HILARIOUS JUST FUCKING YESTERDAY”

Dave has never stopped talking through these protests “youd think maybe you could just remove it” “but it damaged the track” “everything could derail” “its the end for us” “the fucking end” “thanks obama”

“no” Jade says and looks at Karkat. Karkat looks back. They have a rare moment of absolute and complete understanding and clarity and they say in unison:

“thanks dave!” “THANKS DAVE”

And so a new meme comes to be, and of course Dave doesn’t actually break up with either of them, because he was never serious about that in the first place. It’s possible he makes a “youre welcome” stamp.

You’re welcome.

i reread over some logs with dave and karkat where dave flat out says he really doesnt understand hatemance and doesnt like it and doesnt understand what its supposed to entail

and all i can think about is all of the possibilties post-retcon where like. karkat is getting fed up with daves shennanigans so he “waxes” “”pitch”” for dave and it’s like.

karkat obviously doesn’t do quadrants right, that’s his thing. he just human loves people and when he says hes black for someone it just means hes super in love with them and also annoyed with them and wants to kiss them so they’ll shut up

dave, on the other hand, doesnt know what blackrom entails or about karkat’s own personal issues with quadrants so when karkat shoots him a spades look dave doesnt take it as “i love you but Come On” he takes it as “your crush, the guy you fell in love with, literally hates you the opposite of love Be Sad About It”

basically i need this misunderstanding angst, please,

Public Service Announcement!

*ahem*
Let people fucking ship what they want to ship. If you don’t like it, don’t look at it. Don’t look it up. Don’t say anything to the artist/writer/shipper. And for fuck sakes, DO NOT PURPOSEFULLY TAG THE SHIP JUST TO SPOUT YOUR HATE!

sometimes i think about karkat cooking for dave (not even for a special occasion, just because he’s hungry and decides to make enough for two) and dave being like, “you made this… for me?” and just not fucking comprehending it because bro never, ever made him any home-cooked meals/food as a kid. karkat puffs up his chest, all proud of himself for what he thinks is a successful spontaneous romantic gesture, and says, “fuck yeah i did,” but dave just… cannot wrap his head around it and he jokes nervously, “what, you trying to butter me up or something?” and he feels bad for saying it but he needs to know; he needs to be sure before he can eat that there aren’t any ulterior motives at play. karkat realizes pretty much immediately what’s up (dave has always been weird with food and karkat figured out why for himself a while ago) and his eyes and voice soften and he goes, “i made it for you because i love you, you paranoid disaster. now chow the fuck down before it gets cold or i decide to eat what’s on your plate, too,” and dave just mulls that over for a couple seconds, nods, and picks up his fork. karkat isn’t even that good of a cook but it’s still the best meal dave has ever had in his entire life and karkat cooking for both of them becomes a regular thing after that

please tell me this isn’t the epilogue we’ve all been waiting for. or that there’s gonna be more. that includes dialogue and ties up loose ends. HUSSIE PLEASE. I NEED MORE THAN JUST PICTURES. WHAT IS DAVE AND KARKAT’S RELATIONSHIP? ARE THE PALE OR RED? i NEED CLOSURE IF I’M GOING TO GET OVER JOHNKAT. WHEN WILL KARKAT WILLINGLY FISTBUMP JOHN? IS HE OVER HIS CALIGNOUS CRUSH OR NOT? HAS HE VACILITATED? ARE JOHN DAVE AND KARKAT GOING TO BECOME POLY? WHAT’S GOING ON?

The epilogue will be posted in one year. It will be 4130 pages long, contain more dialogue than War and Peace has words, have four intermission and 13 minutes of non-consecutive flash animation, and will also introduce 17 new characters, all of whom you will love and all but two of them will be gruesomely and repeatedly killed. And then in the end Davekat will be left ambiguous.

2

its a fun trick where dave picks him up with only his toes. i dunno. im blaming anything feet-related on sizeshenanigans.

so rn I’m working on coming up with a fic that is an alt ending for homestuck (more Davekat, less plot holes, etc) so can you guys all send me your theories on how homestuck should have ended, things the story missed out, plot holes, scenes it should have included

it would really help me figure out what I want to do

xxx

You know what I think is so amusing about the DaveKat in the upd8 is the way it was portrayed in one scene in particular.

This one.

So obviously the two were watching a movie and Dave passed out cause he can and accidentally slumped against Karkat. And of course Karkat just kind of looks at him unsure of what to do until: 

Dane fucking Cook.

We all know that Karkat is a romcom professional and is always using his knowledge of romcoms to back up his intellect about quadrants. It’s also safe to assume that Karkat has considered applying what he’s learned from his troll romcoms in his own life. So I can just imagine him looking at his husktop and seeing Dane Cook giving him this face in the picture above and interpreting it as a sign. 

Like Dane Cook’s giving him a sultry look as if saying “Hey Karkat. I see you have yourself a situation there. And you’re probably thinking ‘oh fuck what do I do?’. Well I’m here to tell you that you know what you have to do. It’s time for you to be that guy; you know the main guy in those troll romance movies you watch. You know those movies where the guys got that cute troll he never considered dating resting against him and he suddenly realizes that he’s totally into him or her. That’s this moment. This is your moment” And than Karkat’s just like:

HELL FUCKING YES.

And than we get this. I don’t know, this is just what I kind of imagine happened since it would probably happen in a cheesy romcom Karkat has watched. And it wouldn’t surprise me for Karkat to replicate it in real life given the moment he feels to be the right one. *Shrugs* Take with it what you will.

5

This was supposed to be something quick, I swear, I was trying some stuff with dave’s hair (which I ended up loving) and then everything else happened and here I am  ╮(─▽─)╭

Why is Dave without a shirt? no one knows, maybe I’m lazy, maybe I forgot, we’ll never know   ┐(´∀`)┌

What happened with the table between them? I don’t know either  ┐(´∀`)┌

But you know what I do know? I’m still in davekat hell  ( ಠ◡ಠ )

(guess who was lazy again)

(me man, i was)

i cant help but use old pictures bc they’re so ripe for use and i’ve never uploaded them anywhere so i might as well???? i dont even know what the story to this is that’s up to y’all this was just some vent art that turned out really shitty but still makes me sad to think about.

@daveweek day 4: sad/hurt

(listen to this to enhance maximum feels)

i cant sleep. all i can think about is dave and karkat trying to share a hammock. but karkat’s never been on one before and he’s super unbalanced. he keeps moving around and trying to get comfy/straighten himself and the hammock out. dave is all like, “no. wait. man. stop. just- come on. flip yourself turnways or something. oh my god.” and they are an awkward bundle of limbs bumpin up on each other just trying to get some cozy spring time cuddles and it just isnt working. they eventually fall off, still tangled up together, and decide to just make-out on the grass instead.

i like to imagine awkward third wheel john post game who has no idea how to deal with his best friends dating each other and is constantly cropping up at inconvenient times and staying over way too late and asking inadvertently embarrassing questions and just generally being mystified by the situation when he remembers what the situation is, and dave and karkat are so used to relative quiet and having all this time to themselves from the meteor they have no idea what to do with this. john why are you like this, why are we like this, why this?? 

eventually roxy will take john aside and be like look boi u need 2 c h i l l and they will work everything out but john was so damn mystified by how different dave and karkat were on the platform just imagine him having to really deal with the fact that dave really IS into dudes and they actually ARE dating. one time john is definitely going to obtusely mention how gosh darned hilarious it is that karkat had a crush on every human one too many times, like dang karkat it’s too bad kanaya got there first or you could have completed the whole human circuit with rose there instead of ending up with dave!!! and karkat is just gonna go ballistic

consider: dave who grew up using a sword but was mostly only ever defense bc bro was a constant barrage and even when he did go offensive he never got a hit in so his confidence in his offensive fighting is like -5. then karkat who is bright eyed and (clumsily) practices his offense constantly and doesnt seem to be much into defense at all.

now consider medieval knights who work fluidly together, dave with a shield and karkat with his sickles and they move in perfect harmony in the midst of fights, back to back and confident that together theyre next to unstoppable. 

Davekat au thingie

okay but imagine a thing where Dave brings karkat to christmas dinner and John Rose Bro and Jade act as awkward as possible

Rose: Soooo are your parents dead?

Karkat: UMMMM YEA???

Rose: do you blame yourself for this event?

Karkat: SERIOUSLY ROSE WHAT THE FUCK

John: Hey Karkat?

Karkat: WHAT IS IT JOHN

John: Dave likes to be pinned against the wall

Karkat WHAT

John: Oh yes, also neck kisses

Jade: Hey Karkat?

Karkat: WHAT IS IT JADE

Jade; Dave never shuts up bout you

Karkat: REALLY?

Jade: Yes all the time you’re his cute little kitty

and dave just sits there wishing he was dead wanting to drown himself in honey or hang himself with the mistletoe 

Davekat relationship theory

Ok so we all know they are in a quadrant but it still hasn’t been revealed? homestuck ends in two days and we don’t have a clear answer. Some people think it’s redrom and some people think they are moirails. I think that the way its been going Hussie is leaving it up to us,the fans, to choose. What I mean by that is it is everyone’s own opinion. with the dialogue and moments from the comic we have seen it can go either way.