My suffering of tooth related pain and sinuses continues again today. Also the mundane task such as laundry and grocery shopping consumed my day. As well as spending time with a very close friend of mine who is very pregnant and in need of assist here and there.
In between the here and there I managed to find time to finish my assigned reading for the week for my college class. The book is opening my eyes in a very beautiful way. It is providing a guideline for myself and how to move to the places that I want to be in life. I have a lot of work left to do this week but I am also spending the weekend with one of my close friends and ‘brothers’.
Although at cost. One of my brothers had the sense to cut me out of his life some 6 months ago. I deserved it, I was drinking bad, doing stupid things, and causing more problems than I am worth. He did the only reasonable thing and protect himself and his own well being. I harbor no ill will to him only the regret that I do not get the chance to redeem myself. I did get one conversation with him where he admitted that he wished we could get past all the bullshit and move on with our lives but was still caught up in anger and frustration with my actions (imagine drunk all the time and constantly seeking attention by going suicidal). Honestly I deserve this but tonight in a few minuets I will be seeing him. We are both spending the night with our mutual friend and tomorrow we are going paintballing together. Being around him like this tears me to pieces because all I dream of is getting to have my family back together. And each time I go around him I fall to pieces shortly there after. So I expect the worse. I expect to fall apart and hate myself for coming here.
But there is always a sliver of hope that we will be able to move forward with our lives. Maybe tonight will be the night. Who knows.
So while walking through the park today, I happened upon a lone duckling crying and running frantically. It got so scared it ran into the road that runs through the park directly in front of a car. Fearing for my tiny fuzz covered friend, I jumped in front of the car flailing about. However that did not stop him from continuing his frantic trek. I proceeded to guard his little waddling butt through what I can only imagine was an exhausting journey back to the pond. And here is him basking in the joy of making his way to his watery home! #whatididtoday #duckysafe
I somehow forgot to post yesterday which is odd considering I was fully capable of doing so.
Today I read a line in my text book that brought me to tears. From the book Mastery by Robert Greene page 45,
“When faced with deficiencies instead of strengths and inclinations, this is the strategy you must assume: ignore your weaknesses and resist the temptation to be more like others. Instead, like Temple Grandin, direct yourself toward the small things you are good at. Do not dream or make grand plans for the future, but instead concentrate on becoming proficient at these simple and immediate skills. This will bring you confidence and become a base from which you can expand to other pursuits. Proceeding in this way, step by step, you will hit upon your Life’s Task.”
I have felt unsure about my decisions over the last 4 years to go to college for writing or to waste my time studying game design and development. I have spent more time asking myself, “How can I get a good paying job?” instead of “How do I get my dream job?”. This book has done more than open my eyes, it has changed my life. It has helped me find that lost fire that I held so brightly as a child. I have lost my inner drive my focus, my life’s task. Only now do I see that it has been here the whole time hidden behind fears of failure and material desire.
On a side note, I have spent the day in bed sick. My wisdom tooth has broken through more my gum line and is causing severe headaches and pain. On top of that my allergies thought it would be nice if they dropped in today and gave me a pounding frontal lobe headache. I also can not stand without getting vertigo so reading this book is about all I have managed to do.
Ok I have seriously been slacking on this blog and I aim to rectify that right this instants.
Today I started working on my first class for my Master’s Degree in Creative Writing for Entertainment. My first class is Mastery: Personal Development and Leadership. I took a Grit Assessment test and also an Ambition Assessment test. It would seem that I am a very Ambition individual but my Grit score was almost next to nothing. (Explains why I have been missing my daily post goal).
I started the reading for my course and I highly recommend the book to any one who is alive and breathing. It is not specifically geared to creative types but anyone who does anything. Here’s a link to it on Amazon:
It wont set you back too much either. It is well worth the price for the information that is within. I am still in the early pages (somewhere around 25 I believe) but it is already a real eye opener for myself.
Aside from my College work, I have also begun a course over on Udemy about the legal side of setting up and running an Indie Game company. This is a serious investment into my transmedia company that I am starting up. It will prove to be very valuable as I start working with my contributors and my business partner.
I am also feeling the cloud that has been hanging over my writing slowly evaporate. I have been living in the past with my work. Mostly trying to breath life into old writing projects that I wanted to work on or that I never finished. I believe that this is hurting my ability to explore new ideas and move forward with what I want to do. I keep feeling like I am putting so many rules and restrictions on my work and words. I just want to let go and see where my pen takes me. I will be posting more things and I will also be keeping to my daily updates. Especially with my classes started again, they offer a lot of structure to my chaotic mind.
@happyindulgence asked #whatididtoday (well asked a week ago). Today I went to horse riding, played with ponies and watched people jump crazy heights, and now it’s time to get back to study 😓 First part of the day was definitely the best half
Hello everyone, I hope that your day was good. Mine was hit and miss for the most part. Today I set out to refine my skills with Blender 3d and get my modeling skills back up to par.
I follow the wonderful Blender Guru and go deep into his archive and pull out this gem here:
Unfortunately, I was unable to make it all the way through the tutorial. Several things kept me away from my computer most of the day. Things that included, my nephew’s first birthday, cleaning my house, and most notable was the fact that my blender would not merge the vertices the way they should have while using the array modifier. I had several issues with getting the entire piece to line up and after hours of bug hunting and forum readings I found little help. Perhaps this apartment hi-rise was not meant to be modeled today. Hopefully something better will turn up tomorrow.
Also in other news today I started laying the foundation for a company that I will be starting with a fellow alumni from Full Sail University. I am very excited by the idea of having someone who I have many shared interested to work with. This proves to be a very interesting venture on both our parts.