whatever. idgaf

this fandom has so much beautiful artwork dedicated to it, with amazing, talented artists producing masterpieces daily…

meanwhile, i made this

Monsters and their flaws

Hello, commoners.

I decided to make this post, because I am worried about the future generation of the normies. It has been brought to my attention that the normies have a distorted perception of us monsters.

As I know that I have normies following and adoring my blog, I want to help them. Something really important needs to be clarified: Mummies. Are. Superior.

Most normies are fascinated by monsters, but when it comes to mummies they are all like “Ew, they are rotten!”

We are not rotten!

This post is there to prove you - no matter if you’re a monster or a normie - that mummies are superior. Always.

My reasons are listed and flawlessly categorized:

Vampires

  • They hate sunshine! How can you adore anyone who disrespects Ra?!
  • They are all scared of garlic. So scared that they have nightmares of it!
  • They have imperfect teeth.
  • Their paleness makes them look ill.
  • They drink blood!!! They murder you normies to get it!
  • They wear way too much black.
  • It’s their ultimate goal to turn all the normies into vampires by biting them in the neck!

Werewolves:

  • Hair. Everywhere.
  • They transform into wolves to kill normies and cute baby animals!
  • They bite.
  • They howl.
  • They get were-fleas.
  • They drool.
  • They pant like dogs.
  • They have too long nails.
  • They chase postmen.
  • They eat raw meat! And much of it, too.
  • They sweat easily which is smelly and gross.
  • They have huge families. Their parents always reproduce as if they were animals!
  • They generally do not know how to behave especially around royalty.

Sea monsters:

  • They’re cannibals!
  • They care way too much about the sea.
  • Most of them look weird.
  • They also are weird. Some have no lungs!!

Zombies:

  • They’re slow.
  • They can’t even talk properly.
  • They smell like death!
  • Dumb smiles.
  • They get out of graves at night to murder normies and eat their brains!

Ghosts:

  • They talk weirdly. This includes weird noises.
  • They float and that’s annoying.
  • They like to scare normies to death! And then they laugh about it!
  • You can’t touch them. It’s like they aren’t even there!

Plant monsters:

  • They care way too much about the environment!
  • They eat normies alive!
  • They manipulate innocent people!
  • Most of them look weird as well even though sea monsters are generally worse.

Gargoyles:

  • Every single one of them is overweight! I met gargoyle models who were considered size zero even though their weight was way out of line!
  • They can’t even swim!
  • They sit on rooftops to kidnap normie children at night!
  • Most are french and always annoying about it. Literally no one cares!
  • They won’t admit that they are all full of dove droppings!

Gorgons:

  • Their ultimate goal is to turn every normie to stone!
  • Their hair is an obvious danger!
  • They always have to wear sunglasses which is totally boring. They do it, too, in winter!
  • They have a split tongue, how gross is that?!

Built monsters:

  • Their builder often made mistakes on them.
  • They might fall apart.
  • If their builder was untalented, they look ugly.
  • There will never be more of them unless they are built. That’s unnatural and not how the gods intended!

Skeletons:

  • They have unfair advantages in the fashion industry!
  • They fall apart when they trip and are completely dependent on someone else to put them together again!
  • Touching them feels gross.
  • They often show up in normie’s beds at night to scare them!

Centaurs:

  • Mutated???
  • They can’t wear skinny jeans.
  • They chomp at the bit before they kill you normies!

Yetis:

  • Being with them is cold.
  • They can’t speak adequately.
  • They are overly tall and strong to threaten innocent people.
  • All of them are heartless. Every. Single. One.
  • They celebrate weird traditions.
  • They like stinky cheese, ew!

Insect monsters:

  • They exist to scare normies!
  • Most of them look ugly.

Werecats:

  • They scratch normies.
  • They’re annoying.
  • Fur!

Dragons and Fire elementals:

  • They spit fire on normies and their houses!
  • Their only goal is destruction!! Run from them as long as you still can!!

So if that didn’t convince you that mummies are the best monsters, then… You’re obviously tasteless! I have only stated facts, argh!

The Ichor Group AU: Huntress Academy 

a private school founded by Artemis for girls in grades 6-12; every graduate receives a moon ring, which symbolizes her completion of the first phase of her education; the students go on to attend the world’s most prominent universities and become some of the most powerful women on the planet; Artemis personally trains every girl in archery and hand to hand combat, and hires many of them to her companies later on; the grounds are guarded by a pack of wolf dogs who all the girls are in charge of caring for; there have been inquiries into the cult-like obsession many of the girls have with the academy, but the students are extremely exclusive and are quick to close ranks around outsiders; absolutely no boys allowed

4

and Liz… she’s alive

Story time: I dated this total frat fuck boy when I was 21 (he was 19- big mistake there already) and he totally had this fetish for brown (desi) girls. I didn’t know it at the time cause you know when you’re in a relationship you kind of ignore the flaws of the other person… Anyways, so I can’t cook for shit… And he would always say he loves Pakistani/Indian food and he couldn’t wait to try some that I made for him by hand and that if I was a good cook he’d “wife me up”…so whatever like Idgaf I wasn’t gonna learn how to cook. I didn’t have time to because I devoted my life to science…. Well, fast forward a couple of months to finals week and he says “when are you gonna make me some delicious desi food?”… I was working on a term paper and he was just sitting there playing with my hair as he chewed on tobacco (gross) in the library and that just pushed me over the edge. I slammed my pen on the desk, stood up and yelled at him “when the fuck are you gonna make me some hot and sour soup, Chinese rice with shrimp dumplings and some fortune cookies?”

And that was the story of how everyone in the university library nicknamed me “the dumpling dumper”.

I still don’t know how to cook.