whatever the kids are calling it these days

The Emoji fucking Movie

Well I saw it. I wish I could say it was everything I expected it to be but it was worse. To summarize everything in one fluent and well-arranged thesis is too daunting a task because there’s simply too much to say about this blaspheme and so little time to properly convey it all. so here’s the main points on everything you need to know about this film

-i thought the Wreck It Ralph comparisons were bad enough but we find out Jailbreak was formerly a princess emoji but she rejected her status in favor of something more spunky and rebellious like holy shit they’re just unabashed in ripping off the beats of a superior movie.
-Sony hates millenials despite the fact that this movie was tailor-made to pander to them in the worst ways possible. Case in point, at one point the main human contemplates texting his crush and his frind tells him to only use emojis before saying in the most dude-bro way “words aren’t COOL”  at one point the teacher is talking about hieroglyphs and has to liken them to “the original emojis” because the students don’t want to learn any other way! they’re too obsessed with their phones! they have no attention spans! get it? GET IT?
-ADDING ONTO THAT! what is the message of this film? it doesn’t have one! there’s a scene where we see the main human deleted an email of lyrics/poetry he wrote for his crush but he deleted it because as his friends say WORDS AREN’T COOL. and you think “oh. the message will be that teens need to actually talk to each other more and express their feelings whatever” but oh no no no this is THE EMOJI MOVIE we’re talking about and the climax of the film is resolved by Gene (the main emoji) using his multiple faces to make the first emoji composed of multiple feelings back to back and gets sent to the crush who says “wow! I loved your emoji! it’s so nice to see a guy who’s willing to express his feelings” WHAT THE HELL? SO YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE FUN OF YOUTH FOR USING EMOJIS BUT ULTIMATELY EMOJIS SAVE THE DAY?
-ALSO THE HUMAN IS A FUCKING NERD WHO DECIDES TO TAKE HIS PHONE TO THE TECH STORE TO DELETE EVERYTHING JUST BECAUSE ONE EMOJI DOESN’T WORK
-There’s a stupid subplot about Gene’s meh parents having a falling out but it’s okay because they reconcile inside Instagram by hijacking a romantic photo and using the right filter
-TJ Miller touted the film as having a feminist positive message and let me tell you this is what it is. In Candy Crush, Gene finished one of Jailbreak’s sentences when she has an idea and out of nowhere Jailbreak yells “MEN ARE ALWAYS GETTING CREDIT FOR WOMEN’S IDEAS AND I’M SICK OF IT!” it comes immediately and ends abruptly. Gene doesn’t respond to it and Jailbreak doesn’t build onto that. the subject ends there. 10 minutes later Jailbreak says out of nowhere that in the early days emoji women only had the choice to be “princesses or brides” but that in the cloud she can be whatever she wants to be. again, this is never brought further or built upon. it feels so tacked on and barely even surface level like fuck they patted themselves on the back for this progressive-ass movie
-speaking of progressive, an internet troll calls the Just Dance lady a g***y. so yeah, add a slur usage to the list of offenses
-they go to Dropbox? Becuase kids love using Dropbox????
-Gene creates a new dance. The Emoji Bop. yes there is a dance party ending. 
-Someone tells Poop that he’s going soft. Patrick Stewart had to say the following line. “Not too soft, I hope” 
-Jailbreak in her princess form whistles and summons a twitter bird
-they go into youtube which has viral videos that are in live action and it’s super disorienting
-because this is a Sony movie, everyone uses Sony smart phones
-the 15 year old human has one of those fake-out apps that looks like a dictionary to his parents but it’s meant to hide like porn and illegal downloads so yeah fun for the whole family 
-if there’s one and I mean ONE good thing about the film it’s short. like barely 70 minutes. and yet that still feels like too long

The Emoji Movie is what you get when you have too much money. and nothing else. wait for a camrip online before watching it ironically. please please do not give this money. please. please. please please pleaskd qn

Harass my daughter on Minecraft? You can't hide from me.

So, my daughter, who was about 8 at the time, was REALLY into Minecraft (as most kids are these days). Also desperately wanting to join the Youtube/Let’s Play culture, I had installed some screen recording software that would let her make videos of the games she was playing so she could later upload them to Youtube.

Anyways, one day I’m minding my own business when I hear her quietly sniffling over on the computer. I asked her what was wrong, but she didn’t want to tell me so I let it go, but decided to keep on eye on her. A few minutes later I discovered what was happening; someone was harassing not only her, but also all the other kids playing on whatever server she was on. This kid (we’ll call him Little Sh*thead, or LS) was saying sh*t about how he was going to rape my 8 year old daughter (she told him how old she was hoping he would stop), how he was going to hack into her IP and steal all her info, swearing profusely (remember, this is a game for kids), etc etc. By this time I had gotten my fiance involved, and she was also obviously quite upset at what a little sh*t this kid was being. We realized that our daughter had been recording the entire incident, and a plan began to form.

I started by googling LS’s username. There were several hits immediately, the most interesting of which involved a page where he was publicly applying to be a mod for a server on Minecraft. I was able to learn a lot about this little POS: he claimed to be 15, likes hockey, used to live in Toronto but now lives in Florida. But the bombshell was easily his skype contact info; it was literally firstname.lastname. I know your name now, you little sh*t.

So I head over to Facebook and search for the name. Nothing. Hmmmm. On a hunch I searched for just the last name, while narrowing my results to only the state of Florida. Several dozen hits. Hmmm. So I have to start combing through each one, until I find what I was looking for: a middle aged man with the same last name, whose profile indicates he was born in Toronto and now lives in Florida. I FOUND YOUR DAD, YOU LITTLE SH*T.

So I sent him a message on Facebook, asking if he had a son named firstname who goes by his username on Minecraft. Dad confirmed I had the right guy. So my wife begins telling the dad everything that LS was saying to my daughter, and we sent him the recorded video as proof. Radio silence for a few days.

Then we got the message back: LS had his computer taken away from him for the entire summer, and had also been lying about his age (he was only 11, I think). His parents were f*cking livid with him, and he surely hated the next few months of his life.

No one f*cks with my daughter.

big news i love victor nikiforov!! he is Good!! please take these headcanons!!

  • he’s incredibly perceptive. catches on fast. doesn’t hesitate to drag someone, even if it’s subtle
  • any semblance of chill when it comes to yuuri katsuki?? those words, together,, don’t even make sense,,,
  • this has been said before but when it comes to flirting he can dish it out but he can’t take it. yuuri knows this and shows no mercy
  • absolutely Not a ditz like he’s super smart and can basically own the floor in any academic situation
  • loves learning new things!! loves words and speaking and languages!!
  • loves to be happy and wants everyone else around him to be happy! he just has so much love to give!!
  • it’s nearly impossible to go grocery shopping with him bc he gets very excited and sneaky and starts sliding the most ridiculous items in the cart when yuuri’s not looking
  • is fluffy. giant fluffy doge
  • wakes up at the asscrack of dawn, tracksuit on and ready for a run while yuuri’s still knocked tf out somewhere under the sheets
  • such a great listener. plays with yuuri’s hands while he talks and traces figure eights on his palms and doesn’t interrupt. very patient and understanding
  • gives the best cuddles
  • always has the urge to grab a pigeon but like what would he do if he actually caught it
  • “move, i’m gay”
  • very ticklish. the second yuuri found out this vital piece of information victor knew he was screwed
  • the most avid participant in the St. Petersburg Crew groupchat. bombards everyone with memes at 2am, doesn’t know what half of them mean
  • “is this what the kids call hip these days”
  • stops whatever he’s doing if he sees a dog. says hi to them and hugs them. tells them he loves them. makkachin knows this and encourages it
  • he enjoys stealing yuuri’s clothes, which are too small for him but it makes yuuri laugh so he does it anyway, despite the audible rip that one time he “slipped on” yuuri’s old pokemon pajamas
  • (more like wrestled on)
  • he’s a ride or die. would do Anything for his husband
  • his youtube history is just cute dog videos
  • loves patterned socks. owns like ten million pairs of patterned socks. his Look is rolled up pant legs and patterned socks
  • “first of all, language. second of all, fuck.”
  • his favorite movie is probably Air Bud because he can’t get through Marley & Me without straight up (gay up) bawling
  • soft, is held by yuuri

anonymous asked:

I had a really emotionally exhausting week, can I have a fluffy Batfam headcannon?

Of course! And if you need to chat about anything, feel free to message me (I don’t judge, I promise)

-Whenever there’s a really long stakeout or patrol, everyone gets really tired right? So it’s commonplace to find all the kids piled up on a couch, completely passed out. Dick calls it a “cuddle nest” but nobody aside from Steph will call it that. Alfred definitely has a photo of it

-Jason and Duke have learned that they both really enjoy cooking, so they’ve negotiated with Alfred to take over the kitchen for one day ever week or two and they’ll make pies, cakes, various savoury dishes, whatever. And then some of the other kids (Dick, Steph, Tim and Cass usually) will come in and pretend to be fancy food critics even though they have all eaten two week old pizza they found at the back of the fridge

-Bruce has a keepsake chest for all of his kids with all major (and minor) accomplishments in them; there are drawings, sculptures made in elementary school, writings (Jason totally went through an angsty poetry phase in middle school), the first tooth that his kid knocked out of a villain’s mouth. You know, the important stuff.

-Sometimes they all go down to the arcade (Kate occasionally joins them) and challenge each other at DDR or karaoke (Kate is really good at the oldies on the machine, and always tries to get Bruce to sing with her because she remembers them singing to the songs when they were kids. She does not appreciate them being called the oldies because “like hell I’m old. I’m just gracefully aged, like a fine wine.”)

-Damian and Cass have weekly colouring sessions where they grab all the colouring books they can find and spend the whole day colouring and snacking (providing they don’t accidentally get marker anywhere or spill crumbs as per Alfred’s request)

-Every year on Father’s Day, everyone gives Bruce a gift (typically not a great one, seeing as he has eight bajillion ties from many years all with hideous patterns). But they also get Alfred something really heartfelt and thought out that he’s obviously going to love (he always gets a bit flustered when they give him his gift, even when they say that he’s the best grandad they’ve ever had)

The Stardew Valley Sims 4 Legacy Challenge

A Sims 4 challenge by @bloomesimss and @itstwina  

  This legacy is for the lesser-known characters of Stardew Valley! If you do not like the characters we chose, we are thinking of doing more versions of this legacy in the future with different characters! So please don’t be rude or anything, because we worked hard on this!

General Notes:

  1. Your sims do not have to look like the character the generation is based on, have the same name, or the same gender.
  2. Use the hashtag #sdvs4 if you want us to see your posts/gameplay!
  3. This challenge uses gameplay from all packs! If you do not have the packs that are used, there will be alternatives!
  4. It is also recommended you finish the aspiration that fits with the generation, but you do not have to unless the rules of the generation say so!
  5. If there is a career path option, you can choose whatever you want, unless the generation specifies.
  6. We worked so hard on this challenge! And we hope you enjoy!

Generation 1 - the Farmer.

  As a kid, your grandpa would always tell you stories about his farm in a place called Stardew Valley when he visited. Since his first story, you decided you want to be a farmer when you grow up. Now, you’re finally old enough. Your grandpa is going to pass away soon, and he gives you his farm, a big ol’ plot of land, filled with trees, rocks, and logs. You hope to one day clear it all out and plant lots and lots of crops, all the while making friends with everyone in Stardew Valley.

Traits: Family Oriented, Loves the Outdoors, Cheerful

Aspiration: Freelance Botanist (you must finish this aspiration)

Career: None (You must get all of your money from your crops)

Rules:

  1. Have over 50 plants
  2. Marry anyone you want, but only have two kids.
  3. Have no job, only get money from your produce/crops. (And if you need to, your spouse’s job.)
  4. Have a cabin type house, with a kitchen, the master bedroom, one bathroom, one room for your two kids (they must share through their whole lives!), and a basement (you can keep anything down here, but it can’t be a bedroom!)
  5. Have a full relationship with your spouse and kids.
  6. Have one best friend
  7. Dig at least 10 of the rock/minerals

Generation 2 - the Wizard.

  Let’s be honest here, you’re a bit of a loner. You lived with your parents long after your sibling moved out. When you do move out, you live alone, being a scientist.

Traits: Loner, Creative, Gloomy

Aspiration: Nerd Brain

Career: Scientist (If you don’t have Get to Work, Secret Agent!)

Rules:

  1. Have a bad relationship with your sibling (you two were always so different.)
  2. Have only two friends, your parents. (If you need to, you can have a friend for social need, but they can not be known about.)
  3. Only leave your house for work. (You can go into your back/front yard for your aspiration, and if you need to, go out into the world for your job tasks.)
  4. Have one kid, but it was an accident, and the mother/father has left you.
  5. Despite your anger towards having a child, they eventually turn into your best friend.

Generation 3 - Linus.

  You were an accident, neither of your parents wanted you, so much as to one of them left you and your father/mother. You ended up running away from home, and started to live out in nature. You loved everything about it, much like your grandparent, who was a farmer. As you grew up, you turned out to be best friends with your mother/father.

Traits: Loves the Outdoors, Glutton, Loner

Aspiration: Outdoor Enthusiast (If you don’t have Outdoor Retreat, the Curator)

Career: None (Earn money from collecting things.)

Rules:

  1. Only gain money from collecting. (If you absolutely have to, you can paint.)
  2. Find love with a kind sim who gives you their extra food, gives you warm clothes and blankets during the winter, etc.
  3. Have as many kids as you want, but it has to be more than 2 and less than 6.
  4. Live in a tent for most of your life, and as you get one kid, you get a shed. Another kid, you get a room added on, etc.
  5. Only have low-quality items.

Generation 4 - Pierre.

  You’ve heard stories about your parent’s life in the woods, and how your other parent was kind, and eventually fell in love. You wish to raise a family, and to also run a store. You devote your life to this store when you have it, and pride yourself in winning the grange fair display every single year. (Seriously Pierre, would it kill you to let us win for once?) You wish your child would be more formal. Why can’t they just dye their hair a normal color?

Traits: Perfectionist, Hot Headed, Snob

Aspiration: Successful Lineage

Career: Bakery Owner (If you don’t have Get to Work, the Culinary Career.)

Rules:

  1. Have one kid.
  2. Don’t get along with your kid.
  3. Spend almost all of your time in your store. (If you have one.)

Generation 5 - Jodi.

  You always hoped for a big happy family. But your spouse decides they want to join the military. Yes, its great to help people, but how is this helping you? This is the worst thing that you could think of to happen. Your kids won’t have another parent figure for most of their life… you hope that there is some way to make them happy.

Traits: Family Oriented, Neat, Cheerful

Aspiration: Big Happy Family

Career: Stay at home parent (Get money from gardening, collecting, etc. You can cheat to get 500 simoleons from your spouse each Sunday.)

Rules:

  1. Have a garden.
  2. Have two kids.
  3. Have a spouse that only comes home every 7 weeks for 3 days. (You can keep track of the week or just guess. To make them leave, put them in a different household.)
  4. When your spouse becomes an elder, they stay home for good.
  5. One of your kids must have the active trait.

Generation 6 - Marnie.

  You have always loved animals. If you don’t take care of them, who will? You hope to one day have kids, but you can never seem to find love. Instead, you decide to adopt.

Traits: Cheerful, Family Oriented (you’d like to think of your animals as your family.), Loves the Outdoors

Aspiration: Big Happy Family

Career: Writer (I know Marnie isn’t a writer, but it just seems like a Marnie type career.)

Rules:

  1. Have more than 10 fish.
  2. Have 10 frogs. (You can have more if you’d like to.)
  3. Adopt 2 kids.
  4. You can have a garden if you want but you don’t have to!

Generation 7 - Emily.

  You felt like you only had one parent figure growing up. But now, you live with your sibling in your parent’s old house. (You can move the parents to another house.) You love to create things, especially clothes!

Traits: Creative, Cheerful, Perfectionist

Aspiration: Renaissance Sim (You do not need to complete this aspiration, it’s just a kind of filler, since there are really no aspirations that fit Emily’s character.)

Career: Entertainer (Any branch, and you can get extra money from the craft working table.)

Rules:

  1. Master the Handiness skill.
  2. Fix all broken objects in the house (As soon as you turn into a teen.)
  3. Make everything on the craft working table.
  4. Have as many kids as you like!
  5. Live with your sibling until married. (If they get married first, they move out and you get the house. If you get married first, you move out and they get the house.)

Generation 8 - Willy.
  Your mom (or dad) was always working hard trying to make her dreams come true… And you want to do the same, as a fisherman. Ever since you were little you have loved fishing and what better way to make money that doing what you love?

Traits: Loves outdoors, Cheerful, Good

Aspiration: Angling Ace

Career: None. (You get money from selling your fish!)

Rules:

  1. Master fishing skill
  2. Complete Angling Ace aspiration
  3. Fish every day (from child to death/when you move on to the next generation)
  4. Go fishing in the Sylvan Glade for at least 5 hours a week

Generation 9 - Lewis.

  Ever since you were young you wanted to be a politician. When you became the mayor of Pelican Town, you were the happiest you could be! You kept being the mayor, year after year, so you stopped trying to beat anyone. Everyone at Pelican Town loves to have you as their mayor!

Traits: Good, Outgoing, Goofball

Aspiration: Friend of the World

Career: Politician (If you don’t have City Living, the Business Career!)

Rules:

  1. Have over 15 friends.
  2. Master the Charisma skill.
  3. Have 1 kid.

Generation 10 - Grandpa.

  You are so proud of your family tree. But you (or your spouse) is physically unable to have kids. And you don’t have enough money to adopt. So, maybe you can’t extend your family tree.. but you can still be proud of it! You spend all your life doing something of each of your ancestors.

Traits: Family Oriented, Ambitious, Perfectionist

Aspiration: Renaissance Sim

Career: None. (You spend all your time on your skills.)

Rules:

  1. Have a garden.
  2. Have 1 fish and 1 frog.
  3. Collect things.
  4. Have a store to sell your collectibles/crops/frogs. (You don’t have to keep this open all the time.)
  5. Have a spouse only if you want.
  6. Make things on the craft working table.
  7. Only get your fish from fishing.
  8. Master the Charisma skill.

  That’s it! I hope you enjoyed this legacy challenge if you did it! We worked so hard on this and we are glad that you enjoy it!

5

I commissioned @professor-cinnamon-roll to make a pair of little felt plush Janitor Ricks for me and I can’t get over how adorable they are! They are fully wire poseable, the detailing on all the tattoos and accessories is perfect, Ricardo even has a tiny blood vac, and the clothing is removable. Also pictured is the Lob plush she made for my birthday. I highly recommend checking out her commissions page!

Russian names: Yuri

Russians use diminutives much more than a lot of other cultures. Basically, everyone who, speaking English, would be on first-name basis, in Russian would address each other with the singular “you” (ты) and use each other’s short names. Moreover, sometimes people use the plural “you” (вы), ans still use each other’s short names, without asking first. 

Going from plural “you” to singular often requires a short discussion akin to “Call me Jack - Okay, and you call me Susan” in English, but using a diminutive is either implied by the use of singular “you” or just not a big deal.

I’m personally annoyed with that, because a lot of Russians I know call me “Yura” (well, not Yura exactly, but the equivalent version of my first name), or even “Yurochka” while still using the plural “you” like they’re supposed to. There’s no polite way to say “call me Yuri, I don’t like my diminutives”, because everyone thinks it’s not a big deal: it’s your name, what’s wrong with that?

Also, no one - literally no one - addresses a child or a teenager (at least, a teenager younger than 17-18) by their full name if the name has a diminutive. The most frequent diminutive for Yuri is Yura.

So. Victor, Yakov, Lilia, Georgi, Mila and every other Russian around Yuri Plisetsky call him Yura, unless he’s in a habit of throwing a fit every time someone does that. I’m not sure he does, because really, it’s not seen as a big deal at all. 

His grandfather (and probably Yakov) might call them Yurochka - all the time, or when they’re feeling especially sentimental. 

Other diminutives include Yurka (it’s a little bit dismissive, but otherwise neutral, so it’s probably used by classmates or siblings), Yurik (also dismissive, kind of childish and rhymes with a childish insult, so probably not Plisetsky’s favorite), and Yurets (stress on e, very rare, but I know a Yurets; rhymes with the Russian for “cucumber”). I’m not sure Plisetsky is particularly fond of either of those names, but someone might use them to annoy him.

Who calls him Yuri? Foreigners, sponsors and journalists when they’re interviewing him. Maybe also his professors once he starts college (his school teachers use Yura or the last name), and everyone else who has to address him formally: bank clerks, hotel receptionists and so on. 

Yuri Nikolaevich, or whatever is his patronymic (Nikolaevich is from Nikolai, his grandfather’s name, I used it because we don’t know his father’s name. If he were Yakov’s kid, he’d be Yakovlevich), is hardly ever used. It’s there in his passport, and a policeman that stops him for speeding (don’t tell me it won’t happen at least twice a week when he gets his license) might address him that way, but other than that, until he starts coaching, or teaching, or becomes a doctor, a politician or a parent, everyone will keep calling him Yuri, because patronymics aren’t as frequently used in modern-day St.Petersburg as they used to be.

Otabek, whose Russian is as good as Yuri’s own, will probably call him Yura or Yurka, unless, again, Yuri asks him not to.

Also, if you combine the Russian for “kitten” (котёнок) and with Yuri, you get Юрёнок (Yurionok, where the “io” in the middle is pronounced kind of like “ir” in “girl”). It sounds cute, funny and very intimate; would probably annoy the hell out of Yuri or reduce him to a pool of goo, depending on who’s using it.


Yuri Katsuki, for the most part, wouldn’t be subjected to diminutives, because everyone realizes the Japanese don’t use the same diminutives, but Yakov, once he warms up to him, as well as grandpa Plisetsky and Victor’s family if he has one, may call him “Yura”, as a sign of accepting him as one of their own, like how Yuri’s mother calls Victor “Vicchan”.

The ot3 was kind of majestic in the last chapter ngl 👍

Shameless Imagines 2- You Mean so fucking much to me (Lip Imagine)

Paring: Lip x reader

Request: Could you do an imagine where the gallaghers and Mickey find out you self harm.

Description: You werent like the rest of your Milkovich family, you were weak and you just needed something that made you feel alive again. Everything was fine until they found out and the look on Mickeys face was more than heart crushing.

Warning: Mentions of selfharm, please read with caution. i love you all.

Words:1992

Originally posted by mickeyandmumbles


lip looked at you, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He didn’t understand how it got this bad, all he wanted to do was fix you, to put every fucking piece that your dad had broken back together.  

You two had been the only ones home in the Gallagher house and decide to have some fun, It had been a while. In the moment you had forgotten about the scars on your upper thigh and Lip was making his way down when he saw them. 

“Whats wrong baby?” you asked, looking at him. His eyes had become glossy and his face had gone pale, you still not realizing what he had seen. He shook his head not saying anything and told you he felt sick before running to the bathroom.

When he got to the bathroom he slid down the walls, so unsure of what he had just saw.He knew how bad things were at home and even with the love and support of Mandy and Mickey it wasn’t even to protect you from Terry and the horrible things he had done.

Lip felt horrible and useless, he couldn’t save you. Lip had protected you from so many things, people at school, creepy guys, Karen, all of it. But lip wasn’t enough to protect you from your own dad, no one was. 

After a few minutes he had returned from the bathroom making some bullshit excuse about food poisoning and how he just wanted to lay in bed with you, honestly you were perfectly okay with that. There was something about being held by Lip that made you feel like everything would be in life.

-

Over the next few days you had noticed that lip had been acting weird, he wanted to go where ever you were, constantly asking you whats on your mind or if you were okay, being more loving and gentile than he normally had been. You had gone home to spend some girl time with your big sister Mandy. You two had been best friends since you were little, Only being 2 years apart you both had so much in common and she was just easy to talk too. You had thought for a while about telling her how bad things had gotten. Even though Terry had once again been put in jail, things hadn’t calmed down for you yet. You had been having nightmares about him returning, about hitting you or hurting Mickey and him making you watch again. You had been so traumatized by one man and it made you feel so weak, and seeing the scars afterwords had made you feel even worse but you couldn’t stop, you needed release. 

You felt kind of numb lately, feeling like you were floating through life, feeling worthless and used. You had wanted to talk to lip about it, but you didn’t want to see the look on his face. When you cried he felt broken. When he had found you on the floor after Terry had left he left broken, whenever you weren’t okay he felt broken. You could see it in his eyes and you didnt want that. You didnt want him to worry, to cry, to feel like he wasn’t doing enough because he was doing more than enough, it was just a phase of pain and once it was over you would be okay again. Little did you know that he was already worrying, already beating himself up for not noticing earlier and he had spent an hour after you left crying.

The next day Lip had called Mickey, Ian and Mandy over to the Gallagher house, he wanted to talk about this and see what they should do. As Ian and you had been best friends since you were kids which led Mandy and Ian to be friends which led Ian and Mickey to become whatever the fuck they were and Mandy and Mickey being your older siblings, those were the people Lip called, the ones who loved you and cared about you,

The 5 of you had become really close, almost like your own little family and lip knew that they needed to help you.

“Whats going on Gallagher” Mickey said taking a seat at the dinning room table next to Ian as Mandy had sat on the other side of the two love birds and Lip had sat on end, making sure he could see the 3 of them.

“Its about y/n” Lip said but then was cut off by Mickey interrupting him.

“I swear to god if you got my sitter pregnant i will fucking kill you with my cold fucking hands” Lip laughed and nodded before explaining that him and you were always safe and you weren’t in fact pregnant which gained a “Better fucking not be” from the carrot boy.

“Me and Y/n were doing some things when I noticed marks on her thighs, both of them. Some were old and some were fresh. I don’t know what Terry has done to her as she hasn’t told me it all but he’s fucking broken her and we need to fix her before she pulls a fucking Monica and I lose the love of my life” Lip said, tears coming back in his eyes.

“You love her?” Mandy asked, a huge smiling coming onto her face.

“What the fuck are you trying to say Gallagher?” Mickey asked, hurting flashing through his voice. Ian grabbed his hand under the table and Mickey laced his fingers with the ginger boys right away.

“I think she’s self harming Mickey, I think living in that house when hes there is toxic for her. He’s ruining her. She isn’t the same. Her smile isn’t as bright and her laugh isn’t as loud. Her eyes don’t shine like they use to” He said., finally allowing tears to fall again.

Who would have though, Lip Gallagher crying, He wasn’t the crying type.He drank when sad emotions came up, but not this time. You were everything to him, his whole fucking world and he couldn’t live without you.

“Ask her to come over, we will talk to her. Tell her we are here.. Maybe she can stay with us for a little. Do everything we can for her” Ian suggested, earning a nod from both the Milkovich siblings.

“Thank you for caring about her, I believe you are the best for her” Mickey said. Mick was hurt that he never realized how much Terry had broken you, he wished he could have done more to protect you from the bastard but there wasn’t much anyone could do when it came to Terry.

You had received a text saying that Fiona had asked Lip to watch Liam and the house was empty and he wanted you to come over. You loved Liam a much as Lip did and when everything happened with Fiona and the drugs and stuff you and Lip had acted like his mom and dad until she had gotten released and you loved it. Since you were a little girl you dreamed about being a parent and being a loving supporting mom, so different than both of your parents. That was your goal in life.

You and lip had talked about it once, saying that he felt the same. He then started talking the big house on the north side that you two would have with your kids and everything you had ever wanted. Thats when you fell so fucking hard for you. He was everything you had ever wanted and nothing could ever change that. 

When you walked in the back door of the Gallagher house you were confused to see Mandy, Lip, Ian and Mickey sitting at the table.

“Whats going on? You said we were babysitting while Monica was working an extra few hours?” You asked as you slipped off your coat and shoes, sitting down on lips lap. His arms went straight to you waist pulling you as close as possible.

“Baby we need to talk to you..” Lip whispered. He didn’t want to cry but you could hear his voice break and it caused you to worry. You stood up eyeing them all. 

“About?” You asked, something was definitely going on and you were scared. Was Terry out? What the fuck was going on?

“We know Y/n” Ian said, looking at you.

“About the cutting babygirl” Lip said turning to you, his eyes extremely glossy and his voice Breaking once again. Who knew one whole fucking sentence could make your whole world crash.

‘Guys please, its not a big deal and I don’t feel the need to talk about this with you. Im fine, its fine now drop it” You said, not letting your voice show the ashamed and sad feelings you felt deep down.

“Sis, we know he was the worst to you, we know you still have the night terrors, we know how broken you feel. Ive tired so many fucking times for him to leave you alone. Watching what he does to you breaks my fucking heart. But me and Lip and Ian, we are gonna protect you. We are gonna save you from him. He hasn’t broken you yet and we wont let him. We love you so fucking much Y/n and you have to stop please” Mickey said, his eyes becoming glossy. The face he made broke your heart.

“Mick.. Please don’t look at me like that. Im fine” You said, trying to make you believe him when you didn’t even believe yourself.

“No you aren’t Y/F/n, you aren’t fine and you need to stop! Do you understand that I cant lose you? How can we get married and have a family if you are dead!? I love you so fucking much and I wont let you do this to yourself anymore. Do you understand? You are worth so much more than that fucking asshole and I refuse to stand and watch you let him win!” Lip said, raising his voice at some point. You started crying, saying sorry over and over and you walked into lips arms, wrapping his arms around your shoulder and one around your head, him placing his hand on the top of you head. He started crying a little too, kissing the top of your head.

Him saying this to you, it made you feel alive again, like when you closed your eyes you saw a future again instead on nothing. You realized that as soon as you and Lip got out you’d be okay. You made a promise to your boyfriend and the family around you that you’d do anything to try and stop and that you loved him.

After everyone had stopped feeling emotional and had calmed down, Mickey had told you that all of them thought it was best to stay at the Gallaghers, still having a room of your own in your house but none of them wanted you to be there when Terry got out. As Ian basically lived at the Milkovich house and Carl was gone to military school and Frank not allowed in the house you had Fiona room to yourself while fiona had Franks room and you couldn’t have to cram into Lips old small bed anymore. You loved the idea of waking up to the love of your life every morning and that lip would be there when you needed him even more than normal.

a month later things were slowly getting better, You hadn’t cut in 3 weeks, the night terrors didn’t come every night like they did at the beginning but when they did lip held you and kissed you and stayed up for a while after you slept to make sure they didn’t happen. You weren’t fixed, it was a slow process but you didn’t feel as broken as you did the night they had told you that they knew. You were so happy they had did what they did, they saved you that night. You couldn’t be more grateful for everything they did for you, they were all family and that would never change.

headcanons about The Martian universe:

-something goes wrong at NASA, or anywhere where Mark Watney frequents, blame it on mars. it started as him mumbling about it, and it spread. coffee maker breaks? “goddamnit mars.” somebody’s computer fucks up? “fuckin’ mars!” another rocket explodes upon being launched? "I BLAME MARS”

-the people in Watney’s household, his students, and the people at NASA when he’s around like to play disco music at increasing volumes. they see how loud they can get it till he notices.

-Mark Watney starts listening to disco music on his own sometimes. nobody’s really sure if its ironically or not.

-everytime someone fucks up at NASA, they are met with a (mostly) joking remark along the lines of, “Mark Watney, space pirate, colonized MARS, and you can’t even transfer files correctly!!!!”

-the above but with the next manned mission to mars. someone’s like “ugh i spilled the dirt sample i just took so now i have to recollect it” and their crewmate is overdramatically like , “ mA RK WATNEY, SPACE PIRATE, COLONIZED THIS GODFORSAKEN PLANET, AND U CANT EVEN COLLECT DIRT ?  U CALL URSELF A GOOD ASTRONAUT”

-”remember this, class, you might need it if NASA leaves you behind on a desolate planet someday”

-the crew with kids, at some point, all go to their kids school during “job day” or whatever where they talk about their jobs. the crews like “i was an astronaut! we accidentally left our friend on mars, but let’s not talk about that.” except Mark Watney and hes like “U WANT A JOB WITH A LOT OF EXCITEMENT? GO BE AN ASTRONAUT. THEY MIGHT LEAVE U ON MARS TOO, THEN PAY U A LOT BECAUSE THEY FELT BAD.”

-right after they found out that Watney was alive on mars, commander Lewis turns to Beck and is like, “uh huh. he’s dead, SUUURE” and cocks her eyebrow and beck is like “o H SHIT” bc hes the one that first plain out said that watney was dead and they had to go fast off the planet

-every year on his birthday NASA/the ares III crew/friends/family/fans send Mark Watney at least 80 different space/mars related things, including a card every year that says “sorry we left you on mars” with another sheet of custom made stickers that say “I SURVIVED MARS” with a lil thumbs-up astronaut

anonymous asked:

Hi! I was wondering if you can share any of your favorite sterek fics? Or any new ones you've recently read? I love your blog!

Ho man, strap in. These are some that I’ve read/reread recently, and I love all of them so much.

Filter Out the Starlight by skoosiepants

“Why are you not more curious about me?” Stiles says when Derek’s got the door half open, sun spilling over the dark wood, dust motes spinning about his legs. Stiles is wearing fabric that hasn’t been invented yet, he’s clutching a smart phone to his chest, and he appeared out of nowhere, like an angel.

Softly, Derek says, “We all have our secrets,” and closes the door.

Or-

A heartbroken Stiles accidentally travels back in time to find his one true love. A harlequin-ish Christmas romance.

Smoke is Just the Air Remembering Fire by alisvolatpropiis 

Derek has cried three times in his adult life: when his sister died, when the alpha pack used him to kill Boyd, and when Stiles Stilinski broke his heart.

Misfire by unpossible

“The debt must be repaid,” she says, and it has the weight of a vow. The words resonate through him, ringing through his ribcage and the bones of his jaw, and Stiles loses his breath and maybe his grip on reality because she draws herself upright and where there had once stood a supermodel-level MILF now there is Galadriel’s much hotter older sister, a Presence of unmistakable power in their ordinary, smells-vaguely-of-Thai-takeout hallway.

“Oh shit,” Stiles says.

my boyfriend, the ex-spy. by  matildajones

“Are you a spy?” he says.

“You could call me that,” Stiles snorts.

Derek tries to live a normal life… it’s hard when his boyfriend used to travel around the world shooting the bad guys.

As the Lights Go Down by standinginanicedress

Stiles is standing there looking bizarre – which maybe isn’t a very nice thing or even a convincing thing to say about a person that Derek’s basically invited over to hook up with (whatever that even fucking means to kids these days) – but he…does. He’s wearing dark jeans, a black hoodie with the hood pulled up so Derek can’t even really see his face aside from his mouth and jawline, and he’s got that metal baseball bat in his fingers again.

He looks like he’s come here to literally beat Derek to death.

Then, he grins, lifts one shoulder up in a half shrug, and says, “I can’t come in until you invite me.”

Derek is mystified enough that all he can say is, “really?” He thought that was a vampire thing.

Night Owls Early Birds by Lissadiane

Confession: Stiles is afraid of having magic.

The Spark had been cool. It had been small, manageable. He could do some funky stuff with Mountain Ash, all with the power of belief.

And now here he is, his Spark blown wide open, apparently coming down with a fatal case of magical overload, and all that stands between him and bleeding out is a grumpy owl that looks suspiciously like a feathered version of Derek Hale.

(In which Stiles learns he’s a witch, but instead of a wand and a trip to Diagon Alley, he gets blood magic, a grumpy and reluctant owl as his companion, and an accidental blood bond with Derek Hale.)

yall i aint kidding with this

so it was like late november in the 15-16 year when a girl at my school, lets call her hugger, came early to school one day (before hours yall). she saw her friend crying in the lunchroom when she went to go get breakfast so she asked what was wrong. turns out the friends hamster died or her parents were getting a divorce or whatever.

Now just before i continue theres some things you need to know. our school doesn’t allow any kind of touching like at all. if you even high five you get work detail and the monitors are like suuuuper strict about it ( like i had my arm around my friends neck when we were walking to class and we almost got a referral smh)

so hugger here leans in to give friend a hug in the middle of the cafeteria. not even one second in the dean at the time shouted at them to stop. they broke apart and then with the dean`s handy clipboard with detention slips  referral sheets yadda yadda ya she pulls out a morning detention slip and fills it out in front of them to give to hugger over here. hugger was like irritated or something b/c she did not accept the slip. And at that time the dean decided to drag her to the front office and our dean decided that you know what? let`s make it into a damn suspension for a week

for a week 

AND THAT OF COURSE SPREAD LIKE WILDFIRE.

 the girl who she hugged eventually had to go home b/c she was crying too much cause she blamed her self. the school had to stop riots among everyone at lunch cause they were all holding hands or hugging in protest.

and but of course i was absent that day

eventually hugger and fam ended up suing the school i’m not sure if they won or not but because of that it caused the great pda panic of 2015/16. when everyone came back from winter break they started freaking out if anyone even remotely touches each other, someone would scream “pda! pda!” at the top of their lungs

so it was a wild year yall

what to do when you have a crush on your best friend 

[peter parker x reader]

author’s note: watched homecoming last night and i loved everything about it. this took a while to write because i kept getting distracted, and that title is whatever because i literally couldn’t think of anything else lolol

word count: 2,369

Keep reading

Nikki’s 50th Birthday

Based on this post…. x

Notes: it’s fluffy and a bit rushed, sorry!!!

Word count: 1800+

Thank you to my 210+ followers. You are all incredible!!

Tags: @honestholland because we came up with similar ideas… 😍😍 and they’re awesome so check out their work!

~*~


“Here comes Harry Holland with the winning shot. And it’s in! He wins!”

“Dude, we were playing you on two.” Paddy groaned because he was on Harry’s team and was taking all the credit.

“Yeah. Anyways. You missed.” Sam chuckled getting the rebound and passing the basketball to you so you could take the shot. “Take the losers!” Sam laughed as you high fives him. “Victory lap!” You hop on Sam’s back and he runs around the backyard.

“Kids! Young adults. Whatever you kids call yourselves these days. Can you please come inside and help us set up?” Dom asked sliding the back door open to yell at the kids.

“Sorry Dad.”

“Yeah. We’re coming.” You all walk inside and Tessa’s runs around your legs, hoping you’d feed her soon.

“Tessa. Stop scratching me.” You scold her and she sits and looks at you with puppy eyes. You find a ball and throw it out the door so she can run after it and then Dom can shut the door so she stays outside. Dom gave everyone jobs. Harry had to put the balloons everywhere. Sam was in charge of making the kebabs and salads. Paddy got to hang up some streamers and a huge ‘Happy Birthday’ sign in the lounge room. Nikki had decided to go for a drive to pick up the cake she had ordered for her own birthday.

“What about me Dom?” You ask him and he chuckles.

“Whatever you feel like. Maybe just make sure everything looks good. A women’s touch is always helpful.”

“Thanks Dom. I’m glad we got that cleared up before anything else happened.” You giggle and walk into the kitchen and decided to help Sam.

“So, you coming to Canada with Harry and I on Sunday?”

“Yeah. I’m almost packed.” You smile at Sam.

“Awesome. I’m so glad you’re around. Seriously. Having brothers is great, but they drive me insane. At least you’re normal.” Sam chuckled. “I don’t even know what you see in my brother, but you somehow make it work.”

“That’s because-”

“I don’t need to hear about your sex like with my brother.”

“I wasn’t going to. I was going to say, because I get along with you guys so well, it makes it easier for me to not miss him so much. Considering I pretty much crashed here all last week, and the week before, your parents have probably found it easy to cook for four kids people, I’ve just replaced Tom.”

“You can replace Tom any day. Seriously, he drives me up the walls. And he’s not even here.” Sam said tossing the salad and putting it in the fridge. Paddy snuck in and stole some cherry tomatoes from the bench and sat on the stool.

“When is everyone meant to get here?”

“Whenever they want.” Sam said beginning to create the skewers of meat and vegetables. You wash your hands and begin to help him out. Harry comes over with his camera and takes some photos.

“Harry. Put the camera away.” Sam sneered at his twin gesturing to you.

“It’s fine Sam. Seriously.” You smile. When you first started dating Tom, and the media and his fans found out you got some mixed responses which you had expected. Heaps of people began asking you about your private life, and you wanted to keep it that way. Tom made a personal rule to his family that if you were to be in any photos, you would have to be with everyone not just you and another person, not so you got left out but so people didn’t the wrong idea. He never verbally told you this, but you caught on quite quickly. Hence why you never travelled with him, until this trip to Canada which you were so happy about. You got to see Harrison too. You hadn’t seen him in months.

“Moms going to be back any second!” Sam exclaimed trying to tidy up the mess in the kitchen.

Meanwhile, in Nikki’s car, Tom said there grasping onto the cake in his lap.

“You nervous? You look nervous.” Nikki laughed stirring around the corner.

“No. I mean, I haven’t seen the family in months. I just feel-”

“Guilty. But we are so proud of you.” Nikki smiled pinching his cheek. “(Y/N) is really excited to see you. I haven’t told any of them that you’re coming today.”

“Seriously? I even told Harry that I would see him next week, maybe he just brushed it off.” Tom chuckled looking at the daffodils at his feet. Nikki pulls into the drive way and grabs Tom’s small luggage bag and starts to walk into the house.

“Surprise Mom.” The boys yell out showing her the decorated house.

“Oh kids. Thank you.” Nikki smiles hugging each of her sons. Paddy hugs his mother and then goes to sit on the couch with you.

“Actually, I have a surprise of my own.” Nikki coughs and Tom walked through the door. He was wearing a blue cap, with jeans and a grey sweat shirt. You were almost certain he had a button down shirt under his jumper as well.

“Tom!”

“Tom’s back.”

“You told us you weren’t coming!”

“But Canada. Filming.”

“You’re such a mommy’s boy.” The boys began to tease him as they shook his hand or did a hand shake. You got up off the couch and walked over to him, with a small skip and wrapped your arms tightly around his neck. He placed yours on your hips and smiled proudly.

“I’ve miss you so much.” Tom whispered placing a peck to the top of your head. You were the perfect size which allowed him to do that. That boy just makes you weak at the knees.

“I’ve miss you too.” You smile letting go at him. He gives you the bouquet of flowers and you hold his hand. “Daffodils? Thank you.” you smiled, your cheeks showing some heat. Tom brought you daffodils on your first date. What a heart throb. “How has everything been?” You ask him shocked that he was here, but excited that he was here.

“Amazing. Canada is awesome. You’re going to love it.”

“Really?” You smile excitedly. Tom nodded and lead you into the kitchen and you both sat by the dining table.

“Why didn’t you tell us you were coming back!” Paddy exclaimed as Dom opened the back door to let Tessa in to greet her owner.

“I wanted it to be a surprise.” Tom chuckled. Well obviously.

“Come here Tessa!” Tom smiled excitedly and she jumped onto his lap and licked his face.

“Okay. That’s enough.” Tom smiled and placed a hand on the back of your chair. He was always clingy when he came home. You were wearing a plain cotton dress and some canvas shoes.

“Here. Let me find a vase for your flowers.” Dom suggested looking through the drawers and finally found one.

“Dude. You missed it. The other day we all went into the city and saw the sick fire works display. You know the firework display we always saw as kids, well yeah it was on last week and we all had dinner and went to that nice burger joint around the corner.” Sam began telling his story to Tom. Tom’s hand grazed over your shoulder and clutched onto it softly. He hated missing out on family events like that, and you knew that. He would always tighten his grip on you if he was very upset, nervous, angry or jealous. You could tell he was upset. You picked at the cut up loaf of bread on the table and feed it to Tessa.

“Good girl.” You smiled as she licked her nose. Tom’s hand grazed Tessa’s fur. Before long, guests started to arrive at the Holland home.

“Here Dom. Let me help.” You suggest getting up from your spot and walking over to Tom’s father. You help him carry the trays off meat, skewers and vegetables which he was going to grill.

“Tom’s here!” One of Tom’s cousins shouted hugging me.

“Hey bud. What’s up?” He asked picking up the younger boy.

“I missed you.” He said and hugged Tom’s chest.

“I’ve miss you to buddy.” Tom said placing a peck on the boys forehead. “How was kindergarten been?”

“Really good! Guess what! We got to dress up as superheroes and I dressed up as you.”

“No way that’s awesome.”

“Tommy?”

“Yes bud.”

“Is your pretty girlfriend here?”

“(Y/N) yeah of course she is.”

“Can we see her?”

“Of course bud.” Tom carried him over to you where you were still helping Dom out.

“(Y/N)! (Y/N) I have a question.”

“Of course champ. You can ask me anything.” You smile putting the tongs down to face the small boy in Tom’s arms.

“Who is going to look after me when you go to Canada?” He sniffled.

“I’m only going for two weeks, okay? I’ll be back in time for your birthday.” You tell him pinching his cheek. After a late lunch, you sat outside with Tom and Harry. You sat next to Tom, and caresses his cheek with your thumb.

“What are you doing?”

“You’ve got acne scars. You’re breaking out again. Does that mean we can have another facial night?” You ask excitedly.

“Facial night? Aww can I join too?” Harry joked and Tom sipped on his beer. He had his phone out as the sun was going down. He was filming the lit fire move in the darkness. You place your head on his chest.

“So, were you surprised?” He asked twirling his empty beer on the table.

“That you came home for like, two days. Yeah.” You tell him. “You should’ve told me.” You begin to playfully hit his chest. Tom rolled his eyes. Nikki, Dom, Sam and Paddy eventually all joined us. We were just having quiet drinks.

“I would just like to thank you all here, for not only being here, but for making this the best 50th birthday I could’ve asked for. And Tom, thank you for being here. Oh man, I’m going to cry again and I said I wasn’t. I think it’s the alcohol.” Nikki teared up as she picked up a napkin from the table and dried her eyes. You don’t know if it was possible, but you somehow managed to get closer to Tom. You legs now dangled off his. His lips placed of your head and didn’t leave that position unless he spoke. You couldn’t help but stare at the infamous necklace he consistently wore around a Chan in linked around his neck.

“(Y/N) you listening?” Paddy asked waving a hand in your face and laughing.

“Y-yeah.” You stumble.

“I was just saying that I’m so glad that you’re here, and I really hope you enjoy Montreal and thank you so much for supporting our son. It means a lot to this family.” Nikki smiled at you and you smiled back. Nikki had been the greatest to you in the last couple of weeks when you were both missing Tom. Sure you were only his girlfriend, but Nikki could see how much it pained you when he wasn’t around. There were times that you felt like giving up because you didn’t know when or if he was coming back. Nikki was pretty much a mother figure to you, and she loved you like her own. Actually, you were pretty sure she loved you before Tom realised he loved you. Tom lifted up his drink one last time for the night and drank the rest of it.

Isabella Gomez just had a live stream on Instagram and here are some of the things I learned

-Her favorite show from Netflix is “Orange Is The New Black”

-One Day At A Time Season 2 starts filming on may 31st

-She likes to have a live audience except for the times where there are intimate scenes like kissing

-She is an only child

-Her voice gets lower when she speaks Spanish and it is insanely cute

-Someone asked her if she was straight (tbh I was like whaaat that is kinda stepping over the line) but she answered anyway and said that she sees sexuality as a spectrum which is really cool

-She said she likes Jennifer Lawrence’s acting. Someone pointed out JLaw is so problematic and she said she knew, she was just talking about acting. She also said she always tries to learn and that sometimes her friends call her out on something and she always appreciates it (honestly she’s the best)

-She works out a lot

-She auditioned for Brooklyn 99 recently but didn’t get the part (whaaat?!)

-When asked if Carmen is coming back she said she doesn’t know but hopes so

-Everyone went “Elena should have a girlfriend” and she just said “I know, I’ve heard you, believe me! The writers have heard you!” So at least they know what we want

-She loves reality shows 😂

-Someone asked “Do you have a type?” And she went all serious and said “Yes. Fuckboys!” and she and her friend laughed

-Her grandfather called her Chavelua, which is her Instagram name

-She loves pasta

-Some people tell her she has an accent or it suddenly comes out with certain words

-Someone asked her if she wanted to have kids (like she is 19 but whatever) and she just went “I don’t want kids 🤔”

-Overall she was very sweet and funny and honest and I feel blessed that she saw some of my comments and answered to many of her fan’s questions

February: The fall starts easy. I took baby aspirin, and a rusty spoon to my head, and smoked the stale weed my brother left in a broken vase before he left for college. Night comes fast, and tells the creation story. I ignore her this time. I don’t give a fuck about how I was made anymore tell me how I fall apart.

March: Nobody can ever find the raw spot on their leg until they start itching. I remember 6th grade when the mosquito bit my calf. Larvae and laps on the soccer field in early spring. He is oozing into my shoes with the mud.

April: My mother buried my rusty spoon, and took my brown hands. the clothesline was dripping carbonated orange soda sun, the wind was soft, the mice were sleeping warm beneath the floorboards; she spread my tarot on the floor with the forever broken and gnarled thumb she stuck in a blender when she was 5. That spring I walked home alone some nights, the heatwaves followed me like the labored breath of drunk men who don’t take no for an answer, I turned over The Devil and someone dropped a wine glass next door, she gasped, white eyes, the mice began to scrape and scream, the heatwave killed their children like it split my shoulders open and ate the youth inside.

May: The month of falling out of trees, junior high was gonna shipwreck any day now. There is a fast food place where the milkshakes taste like cough syrup and the skater kids cheat death on 3 feet of concrete stairs. There is a crack in the sidewalk in front of it, and he kick flips on it to break the back of the mother who left him at 13, he breeds violence between his fraying vans and then something in his ankle snaps, my oxygen goes tar black. He bleeds, he. Makes this sound. Like a dog when you step on its foot. I want to hold him, put a butterfly on his cheek, give him a band aid, something, God, something. He looks like he’s in pain. I want to. I don’t know. Help.

I walk away trembling and put my head between my knees behind a dumpster full of shitty milkshakes.

June: The neighbors fuck like rabbits while I’m trying to cry to joy division. I pray for a lightning strike. This type of poetry is for pretty girls, anyway.

July: my birthday flies into the glass of my bedroom window and breaks its neck. mom said the only things you can grow in summer that won’t die are grapefruit and hair, and I made a garden, I cut my chest open for Demeter each full moon. These locks were watered with gulf stream sea spray. I fed them bludgeoned daydreams. I threw my head against church doors trying to send Jesus some red flowers for his funeral, or maybe his birthday, doesn’t really matter, we celebrate both.

August: I got kicked out of high school knocking myself out on my desk. People carved hearts into the enamel, I carved my heart out of my chest and turned it in for my midterm. I slam dunked my skull into the bleachers on game day, and when the bleachers fell, into my history textbook, and when the book was mushy with blood, into the track field. I’m grinning ugly, dancing to the 80’s synth in an empty gym after homecoming, with a nosebleed dripping love songs down my yellow teeth, like words on old gravestones: here lies a moontoothed lover who will never rest in peace, every night she claws her grave and hears the call of western waves.

September: I’m high on concussion flavored car races in a stolen low rider, bluebirds fly in circles around my head after we crash, I wrote a song on a 5 dollar bill called blunt force trauma and it is about skater boys with broken noses, snarls of shaggy Jew fro his friends make fun of, and hands. that graze los angeles highways while he rides asphalt waves, slam his locker, and give the finger to the education system he keeps tripping over like untied shoelaces. he pricks those hands sewing together the lackluster parties private school kids throw. he puts his dewy rose bud lips to the jack daniels bottle, and kicks the drum kit over, gives it mouth to mouth, pump his fists into someone’s chest, gives it a pulse again. hands big enough to steal grapefruit with, the size of my swollen heart. I didn’t know it could get that big but he bumped into me, buzzing like a light saber, sky walking out of the grocery store with a grapefruit. with my heart.

October: do you have a girl do you? have a lover? Jupiter is orbiting around whatever this emotion is called, the rollercoaster one. when you look at me. We spend Halloween turning into werewolves at the library, you were moshing in the kids section, bleaching your hair in punk rock, I was banging my bruised and knuckleheaded love poems into a paperback copy of Romeo and Juliet, brushing my hair with broken glass. That was the first day the blood on our hands was not our own, she shushed us and we laughed. High on Shakespeare and Jupiter gas, we dug our fangs into the dewy decimal system. You ask me my name, I tell you, you smile. We had matching bruises and I floated home.

November: You make me. Feel. You make me feel like I can speak to snakes. You make me feel like my hips have a purpose besides balancing bins of laundry, and bowls of fruit. You make 17 stop feeling like a suicide note no one will read. you make me banshee scream and lick like fire against young pines, when you. dance. when you. kiss her, let her ride your double dutch hips, and your skateboard. She is a new coin, tangy on his numb tongue, and he tucks her in his pocket, his lucky penny. I’m the bubblegum he scrapes off his sneakers and throws into a storm drain.

December: I still cower into my pillow and smile a crooked smile, and go red at the cheeks, you. You put the red in my cheeks. I’m here, I’m exploding, why can’t you see me? Just put the bottle down, take your hand from your eyes, I won’t ask you what happened to your face, or how you got that scar, I will just like you and like you. we can buy angels wings in Hollywood, make an apartment out of crumpled homework pages at the bottoms of our dirty backpacks, we can drop out of high school, I will like you and dissect your sadness like frogs in freshman biology I am used to the rotting smell in your ribcage, I reek of it too. I will like you. until I know how to love you.

January: I switch schools, I cut my hair, bleach what little is left. It makes my mother unhappy, she thinks my spirit world is severing ties, she thinks my planets are discordant. I ask somebody back home about him, she says he dropped out and started working on cars.

I come down. Softly.

February (again, again, again): He was born to a rabbi and a beauty queen. I was born to a chemist, and a witch. Ammonia, bleach. Don’t mix them unless you want someone to die. Blood, adolescence, summer saltwater. Don’t mix them unless you want to make somebody wish they were dead.

—  2. a crush. and nothing more.

Eric’s confrontation about Rammstein:

“We would often pass these 2 kids who wore trench coats. Everyone referred to them as the “Trench Coat Mafia”. My friend Cale referred to them as the “Rammstein Boyz”. Whatever you wanted to call them, you could tell they were different.

Well, one day, Cale snarled a remark about Rammstein under his breath as we passed these 2 guys. The short one who was named Eric Harris confronted my friend about it. He said: “Every day you pass me and make fun of me saying Rammstein sucks. Why do you do this, crap asshole? What did I do to you?”
My friend replied: “Oh man you’re so cool, you’re my idol!”
Then Eric’s friend Dylan approached us seeming to back up his friend.
I really didn’t want to get involved in a fight even though I knew these guys wouldn’t stand a chance. I was afraid of things they might do afterwards.

Eric was a short clean cut looking kid and Dylan was a very tall skinny guy with messed up hair. He always wore the trench coat, a hat and dark sunglasses. The bell rang and we went into class. That was the end of the confrontation.”