whatever roommates


a guy not very concerned about his serial killer roommate


do not ever underestimate the power of the oldest!

The Pen Men

Matt and I started serving at the Uptown Café a year after we had planned to start college. Of course, as lazy as we are, we never actually got around to applying for classes. You know how it goes. One second you’re graduating high school and moving in with your best friend and then the next 5 years have gone by and all you have to show for it is the double bedroom apartment y’all can barely afford and the half-decent part time job that had, at some point, turned into a less than half-decent full time job. I don’t mind living like this, at least we were having fun, but for some reason Matt really had a problem with everything. He’s a lot like me- he likes to party and shit. We’d go out and have a good time, until it seemed he didn’t want to have one anymore. I guess that’s why he moved in with that other guy- what was his name? Brent? I don’t know, and I don’t really care. It was supposed to be Matt and I against the world… until one day it wasn’t. Out of the blue, all of a sudden, blah blah blah. Yeah, it hurt me. Not as much as I would’ve expected it to, though. He’d been distant for a while, drinking a lot and not really doing much outside of going to work and dropping in on the occasional party. I’d been missing the old Matt, the one who’d do stupid shit with me and never failed to make a room light up with his winning smile and sense of humor. So, when he got down, I really wasn’t surprised that he got picked up by some new guy that easily. Just kinda sucked that I had to move too- there was no way I could afford that apartment on my own. Not to mention that things at work started getting a little weird after that.

Anyway, enough moaning about how Matt’s kinda shitty. I’m not entirely sure it was all his fault, too. After he moved in with that new guy, there were two solid months where things didn’t add up. He stopped answering pretty much all texts, even from our other close friends and coworkers, and dropped shifts left and right at the Uptown Café. And when he did show up to work you could tell that he was getting really, well, fat. Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t huge or anything. But between the two of us, we’d never weighed more than 320 lbs combined. Working out was never our thing after high school, but both of us still had light abs on our slim frames up until that point. We played some sports in high school, Matt was even better than me at most of them. He’s 5’11 and semi muscular- of course he’d do well. His thick thighs even got him a baseball scholarship that he never used. That’s why I was surprised that day when Matt showed up at the Café carrying a small gut on him. His jeans were tight and his black polo was having trouble staying tucked in. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t insanely turned on. The only reason we were best friends and never anything more is because he was always too skinny for me. Matt knew that too, he’d hit on me a few times throughout the years but I always told him I like some meat on my man’s bones. He definitely wasn’t lacking in the looks department either. Dark and scruffy, handsome features. He got his fair attention from guys around town. So when he showed up carrying a few extra pounds, I was more than excited. I started thinking that the new Brent guy might not be so bad for Matt after all, even if I could tell that I was losing one of my closest friends.

Nobody at work mentioned Matt’s weight gain, despite how apparent it was. He started eating on the clock, stealing food from the kitchen. Not just bites here and there, but taking actual meals off trays and stealing pastries from the bakery. The kitchen got pissed, but Matt never cared. When I talked to him about it he always said he didn’t know what I was talking about and smile, like he was being bashful about it. It was obvious he’d been pigging out, though. As his little gut grew I found him more and more often next to whatever food line he was stealing from, holding his belly and burping to relieve the pressure. Those last two months at the café, he actually seemed happy again. Bloated and happy. It was a nice change to see, I was starting to feel like I had my old friend back personality wise. Best part was that he didn’t even mention Brent once, and I wasn’t about to bring him up. Not when it felt like I finally might have something with the fattening friend.

The day Matt quit was the last day I saw him. It’s been half a year and I still remember it like it just happened. I was taking a table’s order and Matt walked into the Café in uniform, but his clothes didn’t fit at all. We hadn’t seen him in over two weeks, and it looked like all he’d been doing since his last shift was eating. His face looked fuller, like a double chin was starting- his scruff was swelling out around his not-so-sharp jawline. His polo was tight at the top and unbuttoned. His chest looked soft, like you could poke it. His gut bounced with each step, you could really tell because the polo didn’t cover him bellybutton down. I’d seen that happy trail a thousand times around our old apartment, but it never drove me so wild until I saw it stretched out by the new blubber. I wanted to poke his lovehandles so bad, to trace his fresh stretch marks with my narrow fingertips. His biggest pair of jeans couldn’t contain his girth, and neither could his underwear. There was a good two inch gap between the button and the button hole, and a good amount of fat pad spilled over his underwear that he couldn’t pull up all the way. As he walked passed me going to the back office, he winked at me and his softer face folded into a slight smile. I looked down and saw his belly bounce one last time. As he walked away, his slightly sweaty (it was a hot day) ass crack smiled at me too. His ass demanded my attention, straining the seams of his jeans down into his thick thighs. I gave my attention back to the men at my table, who’d barely noticed Matt walking by. A few minutes later I caught a glimpse out of the window of Brent walking Matt back to his car, twirling some kind of pen in his left hand. And that was the last time I saw my now beefy best friend. Rumors soon circulated that he quit that day, and everyone moved on.

That was half a year ago. Not much has changed besides the apartment I live in. I’ve made some new friends, gotten some good tables at work. I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to get up the nerve to go see him. The fact that he ignored my text and calls after smiling at me before leaving the job we got together was confusing, to say the least. But here I am, half a year later and just as confused as I was 6 months ago, at the steps of Brent’s high end apartment that Matt moved into, last I heard. I raise my fist, thinking about how Matt must’ve been at least 200 pounds last time I saw him, and knock a few times. Don’t salivate, you’ve known him since you were little. Don’t be gross.

A few seconds later I hear a deadbolt unlatch and Brent opens the door, shirtless. He’s definitely cute, if you’re in to tall, blond muscular men who wear cotton shorts and no underwear. His dick’s big, in case you’re wondering. God, I don’t even think he’s hard. Instantly I’m a little intimidated.

“Hey,” I start, “I’m an old friend of Matt’s. Is he home?”

He leans on the doorframe, his bicep bulging with the tension. “Yeah! He’s in here man,” Brent confirms in a friendly tone, “you wanna come in? He’s in the shower but it’ll only be a sec. I don’t think we’ve properly met, I’m Brent.” He extends his large hand served with a smile.

I shake his hand, it’s wet. “I’m Matt’s old roommate, coworker, whatever… Hayden.” I wipe my hand on my jeans and Brent gestures for me to come inside.

“Ah, sorry about the wet hand! Just got done helping out with some shower problems.” Brent says and wipes his hand off on his shorts, too. The main hallway is dark, but Brent leads me from the side by placing his huge hand on the small of my back. My cock twitches from the touch- how’d he know that area is basically my second g-spot? I’m hoping him and Matt haven’t talked too much about me. As friendly as Brent’s acting, things could turn at any second. This all seems a little… convenient.

The hallway opens up to an expansive living room that’s piled high with junk food. All around the room, in shoulder high stacks, lay boxes of danishes, snack cakes, chips, ramen, candy and sodas. Brent’s sizable kitchen overlooks the living room and is equipped with two refrigerators and a deep freezer. Everything has a pretty modern look, but the sleek look is slightly tainted by the immense amount of packaged food laying out in the open. Despite that, though, Brent definitely knows how to style a room.

Instantly things are making both more and less sense simultaneously. As confused as I am, I follow Brent into the kitchen.

“Welcome to Chez Moi! Make yourself at home man, no shirts allowed. Go ahead, throw it anywhere.” Brent instructs. I follow his orders and throw my well-fitting black polo onto the granite counter, despite being more uncomfortable every second. It feels like he’s eying me up like I’m some kind of prized pig he’s going to want to bring to the faire.

“So…” I try, tapping my finger on the countertop, “how long do you think Matt’s going to be in the shower?”

“Not much longer man, he was almost done last time I checked. It’s been taking him a little longer than it used to in there, that’s for sure.”

My cock twitches at the thought that Matt might’ve put on even more weight, if that’s what he’s insinuating. I’m glad my jeans are dark, I don’t need Brent seeing the precum stains. I want to probe more. “He always used to take pretty quick showers, what do you think takes him longer?” I ask.

“Probably all the weight he’s put on,” Brent answers with a slight laugh. I shift a bit to adjust my cock in my jeans and Brent looks down at my crotch. “Yeah man I know you like the sound of that, trust me I’m into it too- ya know, big guys and all. It’s a good thing though, you wouldn’t be here right now if we weren’t! Even had an officer influence you to come over.”

“What do you-“ I’m cut off by the sound of a door closing down the hall. Matt’s footsteps sound… heavy. Very heavy. When I see him attempt to walk through the door head on, I’m shocked. He’s huge, absolutely massive. He can’t even fir through the door without turning to the side. Even his side profile is massive, the way his bulbous belly sticks out so far. Matt’s chubby fingers grab a few bags of powered donuts off the top of a pile of junk food and sits naked on the couch, turning on the tv.

“Yeah,” Brent whispers in my ear, “He’s a fat one now. Go ahead, go say hello! Don’t be shy, y’all used to be best friends.” He nudges the small of my back and I stumble forward a little, overcome with lust. I look back at Brent and he reassuringly nods at me with those beautiful green eyes.

“Hey Matt, it’s me.” I say, wandering around the junk food piles over to the couch. Matt’s blubbery face looks over his shoulder, but he can’t see me. Too much lard in the way. I sit on the arm of the couch, right next to his lardy shoulder.

This man, the man I’ve known since we were kids, the skinny man that got basically any guy he wanted, must be over 400 lbs. I can’t believe it’s real, I can’t believe it’s him. But I look into his dark eyes and know that it’s Matt. His face is almost unrecognizable with lard, it’s like he’s been lost. His double chin melds into his full cheeks, and his scruff is untidy. I want to jiggle that chin so bad, but my eyes lead me down. His arms are two giant sausages compared to what the semi muscular biceps he used to have. They push against his moobs, where his pecs used to be. His chest has bloated into two fat cantaloupes connects slightly in the middle, they’re like a shelf over his huge, slightly hairy belly and they blend into his back fat.  His gut sticks way out in front of him and is completely soft, covered in dark red stretchmarks and a more generous happy trail. It’s almost perfectly round, just slightly obscured where his huge lovehandles fold over. As Matt struggles to look at me, his whole torso jiggles slowly. Unfortunately he’s leaning enough to where his lap is covered by his huge belly, but his thighs, stuffed full with lard, are clearly visible. They push against each other as the big boy tries to keep his oversized legs closed. The bottom of his belly wins, though, and his fat legs are forced slightly apart to make room. Even his calves and ankles are fat, completed with blubber filled toes. From head to toe he’s a complete fatty, and I can’t control myself.

Matt bashfully looks at me, like he’s half concerned that he’s naked in front of me. “Hey Hayden, is that you? Long time no see!” I didn’t think he’d be excited to see me, but I’m glad he is.

“Yeah it’s been a minute, a lot’s changed.” I say as I look him up and down to see if he’ll acknowledge his size change. “You’re not exactly easy to get ahold of.”

“Well I lost my phone awhile back and I’ve been too busy to go get a new one…” Matt responds.

“Oh, busy?” I say, watching his chubby fingers reach into a bag of mini donuts and shove one between his plump lips. “Have you gotten a new job since quitting at the Café?”

Brent interjects, walking in shirtless from the kitchen, muscular pecs bouncing. “Matt doesn’t really work anymore. He prefers it here, right Matt?” He asks with a shake of Matt’s fat covered shoulder. His body quakes.

“Oh yeah, I love it here.” Matt says in response. “Brent’s got everything you could need. You should really try it sometime, Hayden. Brent knows his way around a kitchen.”

“Thaaaat’s right Matt, and you know your way around a dining table.” Brent says, poking Matt’s belly and letting the fat bounce back out. Matt doesn’t even pay attention, he’s focused on the donuts. “Ya know, Hayden, I could use a word with you back in the kitchen. I know you must be a little interested in what’s going on!.”

Back in the kitchen, out of Matt’s earshot, Brent gets to explaining. “Sorry man, this whole thing must be weird for you. I was confused too when I was in your position, so I’ll answer any questions in just a minute. First though, let me tell you about the company I work for for. We call ourselves the Pen Men, lame I know. But it makes sense because we operate with these little things.” Brent takes a white ballpoint pen out of his shorts pocket and starts twirling it. “This is where it gets freaky, man. We can limitedly control other people with this shit! All you gotta do is concentrate and then click the pen, and boom they’re under our spell. They’ll eat as much as you want for as long as you want, in a nutshell. Look at what I did to your buddy Matt, he doesn’t even notice he’s fuckin 430 lbs man! This sounds nuts, but I know you’re into it. You wanna give it a go?”

I’m overwhelmed by all of this information at once, he’s about to let me try out this pen that lets me make anyone as fat as I want them to be? “Okay if this is true, then fuck yeah I want to try it.” I say. Brent looks me in the eye and clicks the pen, it emits a flash of light, but I won’t remember that in two seconds.

I’m a little dazed from the click, but jesus christ my stomach hurts like it never has before. “What the hell did you do to me, Brent?”

“Man I just tried the pen out on you, look down you’re huge!” Brent tells me, gesturing to my swollen middle.

“That doesn’t make sense…” I say, holding my swollen tummy. I haven’t put on any weight, it just feels like I’ve eaten more than I ever have in my life. I burp to relieve the press so that I don’t have to stay doubled over. “Did it fill me with food?”

“Nah man, look,” Brent says, grabbing a tablet off the counter. “I put you under for the last hour and this is what you did!” He opens up a video taken on his living room security camera. I see myself in fast forward enter the room and grab a pile of junk food. I sat my skinny ass on the couch and ate 10 bags of chips, half a dozen sodas, and half of a sheet cake. After I ate as much as I could possibly hold, I waddle back to the spot that I started in, right next to Brent. “The damage is all there.” Brent points at the couch, where Matt is greedily leaning back and eating the rest of my cake with his hands. “See? It really works! I knew you thought I was full of bullshit man.”

My eyes grow wide, still confused as to what exactly Brent wants me for. “So you’re gonna hypnotize me and make me as big as Matt??”

“Nooooo dude that was my plan origionally,” Brent tells me, “But the Pen Men want you as one of us, they wouldn’t let me have you. I was pissed at first but maybe one day you’ll end up back in my living room!” He puts his meaty hand on the small of my back and pulls me close. “I couldn’t let you go without trying my pen on you at least once, slim… So what do you say? Do you want to be a Pen Man?”

My response is immediate. “I absolutely do.”

Part two

“Great,” Brent says. “Ya know, I almost wish you would’ve said no. Anyone who says no to the Pen Men ends up just like Matt over there!”

I’m not extremely happy about that, but there’s one thing I can’t get out of my mind. “As fucked as that is, Brent, are we allowed to fuck the fat ones?” I’m more horny than I am embarrassed after asking that.

“Of course we can!” Brent says. “Hey Matt, lube yourself up!”

Matt, like a trained dog, reaches over to the side of the couch and picks up a bottle of lube and stats pouring it all over his fat folds. You can hear them slurping from the kitchen, waiting for my cock. I take off the rest of my clothes and walk over to Matt, my bloated stomach leading me. Matt’s eyes are looking at me like they’ve never looked at me before as he lays back on the couch, done covering himself in lube. I hit my rock hard cock against his gigantic belly and send his hole body quivering. Months ago he was just a basket ball sized gut. He was just a thin man who’d been eating a little too much lately, but now he’s so much more. Leaning over him, I slide my head in between his moob and belly fold and let it slide in and out. God he’s so fucking fat, I can’t handle it. My taut abdomen is jamming into his gigantic soft one, a feeling I’m not used to. I take my dick and jam it into his fat folds and he moans like a fat boy who hasn’t eaten in half an hour. I never thought I’d hear that sound from him, sounds almost like the grunts he’d make when he played baseball. I pulse in and out quickly, not able to control myself. He jiggles more and more as I get more intense before I finally cum a huge load all over his belly. He reaches for a box of pizza he’d been working on earlier, not caring that he’s still lubed up and has my cum all over him.

Matt looks up at me. “Will you finish me off? For old times sake?” He says with those fat guy eyes, looking at me the same way he looks at the box of pizza.

             “Sure, fatass, I’ve got you.” I say and slide my tired, bloated body next to him. I dig under his fat, slippery belly until I feel his now small dick poking straight up. That thing used to be a lot bigger, but now there’s so much more in the way. I give him a half assed handjob, it’s not easy fighting against his 430 lbs man gut. It doesn’t take him long to squirt out, his sex drive definitely not what it used to be. Maybe Brent keeps him overused, I know I would.

             Brent walks into the room, naked and hard, and throws a towel at me. “Aight man, your ride’s here. Dry off and go out to the black SUV outside. I’ve got some biiiiiiig business to take care of,” he says as he sits on Matt’s fat thighs and sticks his dick into Matt’s gut. He looks at me. “ Hopefully one day you’ll end up in my living room.. You know you way out?”

             “Yeah, it’s just down the hall.” I say. “Hey, Brent, thanks for everything… Hopefully one day you’ll end up in my living room too.” I throw the towel down and wink at him, grabbing my clothes and heading out the door. Before I close the door I can hear the squelching of lubed up fat and Brent’s loud moans echoing through the apartment. I really do hope he ends up in my living room, someday. He’d look stunning with a few hundred pounds.

             I quickly hop into the backseat of the black SUV parked right in front of the building, now dressed back in my Uptown Café uniform. It’s an extremely nice interior, but the partition keeps me from seeing the driver’s area of the car. In the other middle seat sits a man with black hair and sharp features wearing sunglasses. He pulls out a white pen, and before I can protest I’m coming-to sitting in what looks like a stainless steel interrogation room.

             “Hello Hayden, welcome to this area’s Pen Men headquarters,” The slender man from the car says to me. “If you’ll follow me we can start our tour. I’m sure you’re full of questions. I’m Officer Halting, by the way.” He seems really friendly, if not explicitly professional.

             I stand up, not even dazed after being under the pen’s spell for god knows how long. Officer Halting takes me through the long white tiled hallways, showing me certain rooms for surveillance, coffee, problem management, recreation, and all that trivial stuff. Finally, we end up in a room that looks like an extremely modern, open windowed, multi level library. Except instead of books, the shelves carry rows and rows of small mahogany boxes, the perfect size for holding pens. You can see on the second floor there’s a wall of screens right up where the elegant stairwell ends.

             “Right this way, Hayden.” Officer Halting leads me straight up to the wall of screens. His black dress shoes click on the tiled floor. “Let me demonstrate the functions of our pens. As I’m sure you’ve figured out by now, clicking the pens will unleash a flash and put your target, or targets, under a spell. But there’s a bit more to these functions that I must explain.

             First thing’s first. If you ever need to come to headquarters- maybe you have a question or maybe you just want to talk to some other agents- just press the button at the bottom and your pen will glow green. A shuttle car will appear for you within half an hour.

Now If you’ll look here, you’ll see a switch that you can slide. This will choose if you want your man, or men, to remember what happens under hypnosis. Slide it white to remember, or black if you want them in a trance. Today you’ve had the black option used on you several times. As you may have noticed, it’s completely painless. For most intents and purposes, our Agents generally stick with keeping the pens on white mode. If you ever choose to let your men out of white hypnosis, they’ll find they’ve come to like being huge and won’t stop their habits. With the black option, they usually form habits with eating that don’t stop. It won’t be a quick weight gain like the post white hypnoisis option, but there should still be weight gain. In addition, the men usually get freaked out that they’ve gained, say, 200 lbs. That’s not so desirable, unless you’re into that. The decision is yours, Hayden.

Unsurprisingly, our agents often make mistakes, and that’s okay. Hypnosis is a funny tool that’s not meant to be learned overnight. But there are ways of correcting these mistakes. If you look at my pen here, you’ll see a button on the side. Now this button is extremely important, and if you use it you will undergo a trial by the Pen Men board here at headquarters.  As for the functionality, you press the button and the whole pen takes on a red hue. If you then click the pen, a red flash will be emitted and will alter everyone who could’ve seen your mistake’s perception of the situation to make more sense. You’ve actually experienced the usage of the red alert function before, believe it or not. Take a look at the screen.”

             The screens join together to make one picture. The video starts with a black background and the words “Agent Brent, Target Matt- 212 lbs, Uptown Café”. A video from the cameras at my job flies onto the huge screen. Immediately I recognize the day. I’m over at a table taking an order when Matt walks in, a lot skinnier than I just saw him. His clothes fit just like how I remember them fitting that day, but he doesn’t march straight to the back office, and he doesn’t even look at me. Matt goes and clocks in as he usually would, and he’s getting a lot of stares from customers. He did not fit in those clothes at all. Matt heads to the back and the video shifts to the kitchen’s cameras. Matt walks into the freezer and picks up a 5 gallon carton of ice cream. He throws the lid on the ground and takes the ice cream to the pastry area, out in front of the customers. He grabs a handful of cookies and starts scooping up ice cream, then shoves the food into his mouth. Ice cream is dripping down his slight double chin and crumbs falling are all over his tight polo. Shit’s landing on his exposed belly, it wouldn’t be pretty for anyone to see, except for people like me. You see me walking over to Matt and saying some stuff to him, but he doesn’t even notice me, he just keeps cramming cookies and ice cream into his mouth. It’s apparent he’s getting stuffed because he’s leaning back and his basket ball sized gut is getting pushed out more and more. You can physically see him grunt as he stuffs more food into himself- the customers are disgusted with the melted ice cream sticking to the hairs on his bloated gut. Within a few minutes our boss comes out and starts yelling what looks like “GET OUT” at Matt and points at the door, but Matt doesn’t seem to notice. Brent comes running in on the madness and his pen glows red. He clicks the pen and a red flash is emitted. My coworkers and I quickly clean up the mess and everything returns to normal. Brent and Matt walk out of the restaurant and I’m back at my table taking their order, like I had never gotten it.

             “Wow,” I express. “I never had any idea all of that happened. That’s really powerful for just a pen.”

             “Yes sir.” Officer Halting confirms. “They’re extremely powerful tools and they will not be misused. If you misuse the pens, consequences will entail.

             I want to reiterate to you, Hayden, that this business is a lot more influential than you may think. Have you noticed anyone going missing over the past few years? Maybe they go on vacation and never return.”

             I think for a second. “Actually one of our managers, Lance Brown, went on vacation to Orlando a few months ago and we heard he ended up getting transferred there. Is that true?”

             “Lance Brown? Let’s see here…” Officer Halting says as he types away into the keyboard in front of the screen. “It looks like he got sucked in to a small town pig farm in Georgia… let’s see if we can get an individual camera on him…” Some more typing. “Aha, here he is.”

             The screens glow up with the live video footage of what looks like a fancy dining hall in some kind of mansion. There are a number of long, sturdy tables lined all the way down with rich and heavy foods, as if all the immense men are having a feast. Every seat is filled with a man stuffing his face, all ranging in size. I only see the full picture for a second but the larger men, who probably can’t fit in the chairs, are laying naked on the ground belly up, food falling into their obese mouths. Several naked muscular men walk the aisles, refilling platters that have been emptied by the fat men sitting around them. Officer Halting zooms in on a group of medium sized guys, all hovering around 300-ish lbs.

             “The one facing us is Lance Brown,” He tells me.

             I take a closer look. “Holy shit, that’s him! What is that place?” I ask as I look at my old manager. He’s wearing black slacks that have ripped down his dark, fat thighs and a very stained white button up that’s missing most of the buttons. The button around his moobs still hangs on, as my old manager shoves another piece of fried chicken into his chubby mouth. It kind of looks like he’s even made friends with the other fat men. He used to be so health conscious, it’s shocking to see him getting so big and pigging out like that.

             “This,” Officer Halting explains, “Is one of our pig farms. It’s a small town, population 3,000, that has been taken over by our agents. You see, our whole goal is to make the world fat. We’ve been in operation since this country was created, but in recent years the US government has hired our agencies to sedate the entire country, and then all others. Right now we already have headquarters in most of the western world, but the US is by far the farthest along. The world leaders need us to help our species come to peace, and this is the route they chose. As for our agents, we only choose men who are into fattening other men beyond all limits. That’s why you’re here, Hayden. We need you to help us.

             In our program, you’ll start off by learning to use your pen on one target. Once you feel you have a handle on it, we’ll allow you to control more and more men as you attempt to rise through the ranks. Be warned, though. Thing can get complicated. There are several agents in every town, and it’s a tad too many. You can choose other agents to be your pig, it’s not uncommon for our agents to be taken over. If you’ll look at our screen here, in this farm you’ll see over in this corner the man who originally owned the farm is currently being fucked by the man who took over the farm.”

The screens zoom into a corner on a very large man with caramel skin. The computer detects his face and shows a picture of what he used to look like. Tall, muscular, piercing eyes and wavy hair that any guy couldn’t say no to. Over the picture are the words ‘Agent Mark, taken over. 170-545 lbs’ The man in the video is being fucked by some pale guy with brown hair who’d actually look really good if someone took him over. Currently old Agent Mark lays on all fours, his huge gut wet and touching the ground. I can almost hear it slapping. All his blubber pulsates every time the other agent pounds another one into him. They both look extremely satisfied, despite the fact that Agent Mark used to be the skinny one fucking huge pigs.

“Anywho,” Officer Halting says, brining our focus back to reality. “You’ll figure all of this out as it goes. Who knows, maybe one day you’ll own a city, maybe even a state if you’re lucky. I think we covered pretty much all of our bases here Hayden, so unless you have any questions we’ll be dropping you off back at your apartment.”

Part 3

I come-to in my bed at my single bedroom apartment. On my nightstand sits a mahogany box that holds an exact replica of the pens Brent and Officer Halting had. A list of instructions lays inside, along with the note that for the first 3 months I’ll only be able to put one man under, and during that time the other agents won’t be able to hypnotize me. Sounds like a good deal to me. The only problem is that I can’t figure out who I should use my pen on. None of my friends particularly pique my interest… There’s always my old basketball coach that’s stayed in pretty good shape if I want more of a daddy, or maybe that cute guy from the supermarket that always offers to carry my groceries to my car for me. Then it hits me- Kyle. He was on my high school swimming team and would always try to start shit with me. He even got a job at the Uptown Café a few years ago, and he’s been a jerk to me lately. Stealing my tables and telling me I should pick them up faster, talking shit about me to our managers, just petty things. But damn that man is good looking. 6’ even and 170 lbs of lean muscle- his black undercut always looks better than mine and his facial features are so strong they could lift weights. He’d be perfect.

Technically the Pen Men pay all of my bills now, but I don’t immediately quit my job. I need this last shift to hook Kyle. A whole day has passed where I haven’t touched my pen, but I know Kyle’s working the morning shift too.

Work’s just like normal, I work my shift and keep an eye on Kyle to make sure he won’t leave without me getting him. I finish up a little bit earlier than normal, so I ask Kyle if he can help me lift some stuff in the back because I’m just too weak. He eats that shit up like how he’s about to eat all the food the Pen Men are delivering today.

“Okay Kyle, the stuff’s right over here.” I say as I take out my pen, making sure the setting’s on white.

“Are you stupid?” Kyle taunts, “There’s nothing here.”

“You’re right,” I tell him. “Let me just…” I click the pen and the flash of light glazes over Kyle’s eyes for a second. He looks at me- I’m not sure what to say. “Ummm here are my keys, go to my car.”

“I’m done early? Or are you just too stupid to finish on time?” Kyle asks me.

“Don’t be rude, you’re my friend Kyle. Now go to my car.” I instruct. I guess this isn’t foolproof.

“Oh, right, okay. Can we get food on the way home?”


Back at my apartment the Pen Men have already set my cozy place up with piles of food similar to Brent’s and they even brought in an extra refrigerator. Nothing as fancy as Brent’s place, but maybe they’ll offer me something better in the future.

Kyle walks in and immediately starts eating the food without me telling him to do so. I remember Officer Halting telling me that under the pen, they’ll keep eating until they’ve reached their absolute capacity. It keeps them gaining extremely fast. When they’re not eating, they sleep, unless you tell them to do otherwise. This is working out to being a lot easier than I thought I’d be. I tell Kyle to take off his clothes and I’m glad to see his cock’s a good eight inches hard. He’s got a nice amount of body hair too. More than Matt’s happy trail but not too much either. Too bad I’m not into him yet. He’s done a good job of keeping his muscles in shape since leaving high school. At least that’ll all be gone soon enough.


First month with Kyle is over and man has it been insane. Kyle’s like the roommate I always wanted. He eats like a pig all day, constantly stuffed, and never complains about anything. Laying back, burping, then shoving more food into himself. He never says he’s full or doesn’t want to eat. He just always wants to eat and it’s magical.

Kyle’s even kind of nice to talk to when he’s not putting me down all the time. He comes from a messed up family and I think that’s why he can be such an asshole. He’s got a lot of cool opinions about the world, a different outlook that I don’t always get myself. It’s kind of refreshing having him as a roommate. He doesn’t really get off the couch unless he has to use the bathroom, and I’ve been falling asleep in his arms the past two weeks. On average I’d say he gains a little bit more than a pound a day, but his capacity has really grown. At first he could eat one large pizza in a sitting but now he can eat over three if I keep them coming. And his gut! All that not working out and being lazy is really looking good on him. Of course he still has a lot of muscle, but it’s all bloated with over 30 lbs of blubber. It’s hard telling how big he actually is because he’s always stuffed huge. When I come home from going out I always find him sleeping or eating on the couch, belly extended outwards and bigger than ever. His pecs are probably my favorite thing because they’re such a hot ex jock thing. Half muscle and so much fat that they’re like pillows. I can’t wait for them to get way bigger. And that ass is growing so much! It’s so much more jiggly and bouncy than it used to be. He’ll make a great bottom one day.

I still live my life, party with my friends and go out, but my life’s changed a lot. Without having to work, I’m free to have this pig jerk me off all day while he eats donut holes. I could really get used to living like this.


Today marks the day that I can now be taken over by another agent- I got an email from the Pen Men warning me to be cautious and on the offensive. I’m honestly not too worried, though. All the friends I’ve made at headquarters are really nice and I can’t really think of anyone who’ll come for me.

As for Kyle? Well he weighed in at a hefty 278 today, having gained more than 100 lbs since he’s been with me. I really do want another man soon, but I want to finish out Kyle first. Watching him blow up is ridiculous. I don’t understand how he doesn’t go insane watching tv all day, but he’s happy as a clam. I can’t see any more of his muscle, which is freaking great. He’s a blubber boy now, back fat and all. When he brings himself to stand up, he his ball belly bounces like crazy. I can’t stop sucking on his baseball sized moobs, if we’re honest. I do wish they were bigger, though. Most of that 100+ lbs has gone to his belly, which is massive. It’s firm but it’s huge! Easily twice the size of a hairy basket ball. Soon it should be getting a lot softer, if I’m right. I don’t even want to talk about his face. If you’re looking neck up it looks like he’s barely gained 10 lbs. He’s handsome… for a skinny guy. That’s okay though. His belly gets me through the night for sure.


Shit went down tonight. It’s been over a month since I’ve been able to be taken over and not much has changed, life’s been pretty normal. Kyle weighed in at 315 today (most of that weight has gone to his arms, legs, ass, and face. Thank god.). And he can eat over 5 large pizzas before crashing. If I rub his softer belly and jiggle him until he burps sometimes he can get close to 6 pizzas. He’s just really freaking cute when he arches his back after eating a ton and his belly bows out, huge.

Just as I was falling asleep, using Kyle’s sleeping belly as my pillow, I got shaken awake. Brent’s face was eye to eye with mine and he had me totally pinned down. Fucking Brent, I knew I should’ve tried aligning with him.

He said to me, very nicely, “Do you want black or white, man?”


I’m defeated, I know it and so does he. There’s no winning here. I moan, “Guess I’ll take black. Not much can be worse.”

“Whatever you say, pig. I’ll see you in 400 lbs.” he tells me as he clicks on the pen and smiles at me, happy that I’m about to become his.


I come to and can’t tell how long it’s been, but I feel heavier. I can’t breathe well and every part of me feels, well, fat. I look and see that I’ve been brought to one of the pig farm dining halls. At least it’s a nice one.

I look to my left. “Kyle! Is that you?” I ask this man who looks like a 450 lbs Kyle. Super blubber yand bigger than I ever saw Matt get. He’s naked and covered in stretch marks and has gotten a little harrier, I’m really digging it. His arms and legs have finally gotten some lard on them, I wanna lay my head on them. I stare at his gigantic belly again and I can feel my dick getting hard but there’s something in the way. God, I’ve gotten fat.

“Yeah it’s me, glad you’ve come to.” Says the much bigger Kyle with a mouth full of burger. “Brent’s to your right by the way.”

I move my fat head to the right and see Brent, the jerk looks like he’s gotten even more muscular. Figures. Good news, though. He’s eating like crazy. That must be why I’m no longer under, he got taken over too. Serves the douche bag right.

“Hey Brent” I say, still defeated. “Who got you?”

He looks over at me, not shocked by the size of my body. Maybe I haven’t gained too much weight. Or maybe he’s just used to my size because he saw me eat myself huge. Anyway. Brent puts down his bowl of mashed potatoes and exposes his bloated gut. “Ah man it was that guy over there. He got me good, too.” He points over at a Mediterranean guy who must be 6’6 and hung as hell, walking around shoving his dick into random fat folds. That could’ve been me. The man stops at a guy who must be 600 lbs laying on all fours all greased up. I’d recognize that fat face anywhere, it’s Matt. God that could’ve been me, fucking my old skinny roommate after he’s gained over 450 lbs of blubber. He even looks like he’s ready to be fucked, he’s so plump and not saggy at all. The perfect fat sausage.

             I decide it’s time to look down at myself before I give into the cravings that are hitting me hard. Jesus I must be over 300 lbs, I’m huge for me! I used to have abs, I wore size 28 pants and a medium shirt- I was skinny! And now I have stretch marks, chubby moobs, a double chin and fucking love handles. I play with my the back of my obese ass and my dick grows hard. I can’t jerk off here, though. Maybe if I get fat enough the hot man will fuck me. I grab a loaf of bread and start shoving it down my thick throat.


             I can’t let Brent win, I need to see Kyle get massive. I need to use my head, Brent’s not smart. I am.

“Kyle!” I yell. “Take my pen and click it when I say go!”

“Man, that’s not going to work,” Brent tells me as hefty Kyle lazily bends over with trouble and grabs my pen out of my pocket. He looks extra full and he can’t breathe well. “I have you pinned, you can’t do anything.”

Brent looks to the side to see if Kyle has the pen; he does. While he’s distracted I slam my face into Brent’s eye and he screams. I yell, “GO” and Kyle clicks the pen while Brent’s looking at me in confusion and pain. His eyes glaze over. I’ve won and I’m smiling in victory “Alright Brent, I’m moving into your place because I think Matt might be too fat to move, so carry me over to your apartment. Kyle, follow us.”

             At Brent’s place I see that Matt has grown to over 500 lbs and is so plump that I can barely control myself. I start dry fucking him and Brent and Kyle start eating on the couch. We might need to expand the furniture in here soon with the way I’m going to be having Brent balloon.

             The next day I get a letter in the mail from the Pen Men saying that Brent’s place is officially mine and that my stuff will be moved in soon. They encourage me to try to make alliances and build relationships with other agents. One person can’t rule the whole world, they remind me.


             Over the next few months I start realizing that my town is slowly getting taken over by the Pen Men, and it’s fantastic. I’ve slowly gotten all of my old coworkers working on their new bodies, about 20 men total. I got moved into a sizable house with a nice dining hall that I watch right now.

             Watching Brent balloon has been absolutely greatWhen his gut was the size of Matt’s when Matt quit the Café, I took Brent out of the trance and showed him the video Officer Halting showed me.

             “Brent, your gut’s that size now. Except you’re more bloated. How’s it feel?” I asked him.

             His chubby face looked up at me, “God I wish it were you and not me, but I guess I do look pretty hot right? You wanna fuck my gut? I’m so horny man.” I looked down at his fat and overly full gut, covered in melted ice cream. His dick was standing straight up between his chubby thighs. He had the biggest bubble butt I’d seen that far, so I let him have what he wanted. The poor ex jock was just going to eat himself huge, it was the least I could do.

It’s been almost four months that I’ve had him and he still has some muscle on him, unfortunately. He’s pretty tall but 340 lbs is looking huge on his smooth body. He’s all soft and lard, no hard fat and I love shoving my dick deep into his stretch marks, reminding him how fat he’s getting and how he can’t do shit about it.

             Matt sleeps in my bed with me, I got it reinforced just for him when he passed the half ton mark. My huge, blubbery pig helps me sleep so well. Sleeping on him is like having a water bed of love. A water bed that could fall through the foundation at any second, but a water bed that I really connect with. I sleep so well on his blubber that I almost didn’t notice tonight when this huge Mediterranean agent, he must’ve been at least 6’6, tried pulling a trap on me. He got Matt with his pen first and had Matt roll over on me and said he was going to suffocate me until I opened my eyes. Luckily I sleep with my pen in my hand and pulled it out on my last breath, which the man wasn’t expecting. Right now he’s down in the dining hall inflating his abs with filet mignon and mashed potatoes. He had to take off all of his clothes because he keeps getting off to how big he’s going to get. It’s good to see that some people don’t mind blowing up, I suppose.

             Tomorrow I move into the huge man’s mansion, which will be a lot of fun. I love working with all these huge, fat men. I love watching them grow and seeing how huge they get. I love fucking them, but I’ll soon have to share them. I can’t take care of a house that holds half the town all by myself. I guess my next move will be getting an alliance with the other side, or trying to take them over. Maybe I’ll update, maybe not. Just, wish me luck. I really, really don’t want to get fat.


As always feel free to inbox me comments/questions/compliments! I love hearing y’all’s feedback and getting suggestions!

(yet another) college au prompt meme

cause im trash and i wanted to make my own based off some of my fun college experiences. (these have probably been used in like 80 other peoples prompt lists but whatever.)

  1. “the obligatory my roommate is super cute and i’m crushing on them au.”
  2. “the obligatory my roommate is trash and leaves me locked out, but thankfully youre a decent person so i’m not alone”
  3. “my roommate is doing push ups on the floor and i’m not sure whether to be turned on by their athletic powers or freaked out”
  4. “i work nights and you have an 8am class, so we always end up running into each other at the campus coffee shop.”
  5. “its the first week of the semester, what reason could you possibly have for being at the library right now?”
  6. “you work for the campus radio station and keep passively aggressively dedicating songs to me”
  7. “i was really drunk and you walked me safely back to my dorm room.”
  8. “youre singing in our dorm shower, and i just want to let you know that you have a wonderful voice, also oops i’m naked.”
  9. “were both running for the same associated students position and are sudden rivals.”
  10. “its my senior year, and ive created a bucket list of things i want to do before i graduate - one of those things happens to be you.”
  11. “i really want you to join this organization i’m a part of - not because you’re super attractive or anything, haha, not at all.”
  12. “oops i accidentally slept with my ta.”
  13. “i have a term paper due tomorrow and yours is the only 24 hour cafe with internet.”
  14. “i have the keys to the roof of the chem building and you need somewhere to smoke.”
  15. “you just hit me with your bike, but you’re also really hot so i forgive you.”
  16. “my org requires community service hours, and your program is the only one that sounded semi-decent.”
  17. “i literally only joined this org because the person handing out fliers was cute, wtf do we even do here?”
  18. “were in the same orientation group and we might never see each other again but i still want to do this.”
  19. “wait so you’re saying you still live in a college town even though you graduated years ago?”
  20. “hey hey its alumni weekend and everyone else has become freakishly successful after graduation, the fuck.”
*・ 。roommate!au ✧*゚

Originally posted by wangmins

pairing; got7 jackson x reader

genre; bulletpointed, roommate!jackson, humor, fluff 

✎a/n; didn’t receive as much notes as i expected for roommate!seungkwan but that’s okay, as long as i know there are some of you who liked it HAHA // i received a wave of reqs in my inbox, and i’ll get to them asap! thank you to all who sent in your requests!! <3

  • roommate jackson
  • the best and worst thing in the universe that actually happened tbh
  • he was not your assigned roommate
  • you had been living in the same room with this other girl in total peace
  • bc she was like the really quiet kind but is still fun
  • but soMEHOW 
  • you got switched out with this guy
  • and you didnt know who the hell he was but that guy moved into your room and you had to move out
  • and the dorm-in-charge said it was bc the guy (who moved into your room) and his roommate had been creating lots of trouble tgt
  • you couldn’t object or anything bc hey you’re not a rebel
  • so you said your sad goodbyes to your roommate
  • and left with your luggage
  • ok it wasn’t that dramatic but
  • ya you were upset
  • you packed everything and you moved to the room you were supposed to move to
  • and it was not easy bc you literally had to move everything that was yours in your original room
  • including your little diy stuff on your desk which wouldn’t make it into the luggage
  • and some furniture. 
  • so you were going back and forth from room to room to get all your stuff
  • but suddenly this other guy appeared when you were on your 3rd trip between your new room & your old room
  • and he saw you coming out of his room so he was like
  • “are you y/n?”
  • you nodded hesitantly and was like yeah
  • “oh, hi, i’m jackson! your new roommate!”
  • you forced a smile and shook his hand and said hi and told him your name
  • jackson quickly runs past you and back into his room and drops his bag on the floor before running back out
  • “i’m suspecting you need help with moving?”
  • you laugh. “yeah.”
  • jackson was good looking, ngl
  • he looked really muscular too
  • and you were impressed lol
  • so jackson follows you to your old room and grabs all your heavy ass stuff and effortlessly brings them to your new room
  • wow????
  • ya’ll managed to bring everything over bc jackson was able to just carry them all at once HAHAHA
  • so you two settle in your room and 
  • you know how everyone has a time where there’s a super awkward silence when they first meet
  • you expected that but no 
  • there was no room for awkwardness with jackson wang
  • he was so random you didn’t even know if you should be happy or just ???
  • like while you were unpacking he just stands at the side and watches you
  • and questions everything
  • “why do you have so much stuff”
  • “were you against this planning?”
  • “how many hoodies do you have omg”
  • “are those for bio?”
  • “do you do a lot of diy stuff?”
  • “wait, are those diapers?”
  • no, those were your pads
  • “JACKSON!”
  • and he just laughs his high-pitched laughter and you laugh too
  • so aft ya’ll unpack
  • you had this string of fairy lights
  • and they used to hang over your bed in your old room
  • jackson saw them and was just like 
  • “what are those for?”
  • “fairy lights,” you told him, then looked over to your bed, which was just a few metres away from his.
  • “can i hang this over there?” you asked, nodding over to your bed.
  • you didn’t even know why you asked for permission tbh bc either way you were going to hang it over lmao
  • but jackson was so agaiNST IT YOU DIDN’T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHY
  • “nO wHAT FOR”
  • “it’s really pretty !!!”
  • “but it’s just so long and drapey and—”
  • you didnt even care anymore and you just stood up with the string of fairy lights in your hands and went over to your bed
  • and you just stepped up on the bed and started marking off where you’d hang the lights
  • “Y/N”
  • “no jackson shush it’ll be pretty i promise”
  • jackson pouts and sulks but says nothing
  • you quickly hang the lights and it took u a while but when it was done
  • you turned off the main room lights and turned on the fairy lights and
  • voILA (ok sorry i use this so much in aus HAHAHA)
  • the fairy lights were so sparkly and pretty
  • jackson looks at it for a while and quietly acknowledges 
  • huehuehue u won
  • ok so as roommates
  • yall did whatever indirect bonding that roommates did
  • and got real close
  • bc the two of you were the lazy ass kind of people who would stay in the dorms 24/7 when yall didnt have class
  • so you guys would just talk a lot
  • and as months passed,, you found out more about him and knew him better
  • and he’s the super super hyperactive kind of person like omg he belongs in another planet istg
  • like whenever you’re watching tv you’d suddenly see a figure zoom past the tv and guESS WHO
  • it’s jackson somersaulting around the room
  • and he’d just walk to the front of the tv and do his handstands right there
  • “jackson i’m gonna push you if you don’t stop blocking my tv”
  • he doesnt budge lol
  • so you just walk over and jab his side and he crumbles bc he’s afraid of tickles
  • and you were so surprised like
  • jackson is afraid of tickles???
  • but he later found out u were ticklish too
  • like you guys were sitting on the couch, watching a movie, being normal human beings for once
  • but jackson’s hand unintentionally brushes your side and you flinch and giggle
  • and jackson turns to you in surprise before smirking
  • and tiCKLE FIGHTT
  • you’d usually be the one to lose bc you were ultra ultra sensitive and when someone tickles you
  • your breath literally gets knocked out and you are left with no strength to fight back
  • so ya ok he wins
  • moving on
  • to food 
  • this man right here
  • “it’S NOT ORGANIC, Y/N”
  • facepalms
  • the food you guys get to order is so damn limited bc
  • he has this organic policy thing where the food he consumes has to be 9873486% ORGANIC
  • and you literally just ignore him and order fried chicken
  • and when you hang up he looks at you like you just made a call to a secret agent to murder someone
  • but when the chicken comes it’s a totally different story lolol
  • he just stares at the chicken and self-hypnotizes himself
  • and you help him with it
  • “it’s chicken”
  • “yes it is”
  • “it’s healthy”
  • “……….is it really”
  • “it has a good supply of protein”
  • “yes it does”
  • “and vitamins and minerals”
  • ya it happens like that HAHAHA
  • and honestly you originally saw jackson as just a really happy and hyped up guy
  • who is like nowhere near the deep-kind who would really comfort another party
  • but no lol you were so wrong
  • there was this once where your best friend said something freaking hurtful to you and she didn’t even care about how you started tearing
  • like it was a really big fight
  • so you returned to your dorm and plunged under your sheets and started crying like a freaking ghoul
  • and jackson wasn’t in the room so that allowed you to cry your heart out
  • then suddenly the door opens and you freaking stop breathing so you could shut yourself up
  • but your body was still shaking and jackson could see that
  • so he came over and like apprehensively taps you
  • “you alright?”
  • you don’t reply, but accidentally let out a sniff.
  • jackson slowly pulls the sheets off you and you don’t fight it or anything
  • he sees how strands of your hair is stuck to your face which was wet from your tears and his heart honestly just breaks
  • bc you’d always been so happy and cheerful,, seeing you like this was just too much for him
  • so he just helps you up and hugs you and strokes your hair and coos you and does everything and anything to calm you down
  • and it takes a while but when you finally stop crying
  • you fall asleep in his arms
  • bc your eyes were just really tired
  • and the next morning, you wake up, stILL in his arms
  • like oh wow
  • and jackson wakes up after he feels you stir
  • and he desperately tries to explain
  • “no, i mean, yesterday, you, um, tears, i—”
  • and you just stop him and tell him you know
  • and you thank him
  • you were so damn grateful for him bc he helped you so much like you were literally so upset
  • but ya he was there
  • yay :’’)
  • not your typical cuddling lol
  • bc of the fact that both of you were ticklish
  • yall would flinch alot when cuddling 
  • “doNt tiCKLe mE”
  • “I DIDN’T??”
  • “dON’t toUCH mE RAPIDLY”
  • and yall would just burst out laughing bc what was going on omg yall dont even know
  • sometimes you guys would just start singing randomly uk
  • and jackson has a fairly low voice so when he tries to sing the high notes
  • “we don’t talk anymore”
  • “we don’t talk anymore”
  • “we don’t talk anymore like we used toOO DOoO—”
  • “nO jacKSON”
  • “shut up, i sound amazing”
  • “no, the windows are cracking”
  • “nO Y/N SH”
  • ya ok amazing roommate you have wew
let me tell you about the story I’m not writing...

Some background to start, because of course the pairing is so far off the beaten path that there are *zero* stories with it on ao3.

First, there’s Paul Sevier, from Midnight Special. He’s an analyst for the NSA. And has apparently stolen Will Graham’s wardrobe.

Isn’t he lovely?  Why is nobody shoehorning him into things? He’s only tagged on three fics on ao3.

The other half of the pairing isn’t quite as rare in general. Caleb Smith, programmer.

This is not any kind of Kylux AU I have in mind for this story I’m not writing. Nope. Paul and Caleb are both geeks, and I think they would get along swimmingly.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

headcanon request! dick and jason forced to be roommates for whatever reason, sharing a tiny apartment or whatever and having to deal with each other's annoying habits and quirks while they slowly become closer and closer without really being aware of it? :)

YES thank you this is such a wholesome concept, I love these boys

  • Honestly the biggest problem is that Dick is the kind of person who leaves his shoes where he kicked them off by the door, has a “chair of shame” (you know that chair where you put the laundry that isn’t dirty enough for the hamper but isn’t clean enough to put away), and will occasionally let dirty dishes pile up in the sink; Jason, on the other hand, is meticulously neat and tidy, and cannot stand mess.
  • So at first there’s a bit of a problem because Jason swears, he will murder Dick if he finds one more dirty sock in the living room floor, and Dick is sick and tired of coming home to find that Jason has “cleaned” (i.e.; thrown away) his mess.
  • They eventually find a happy medium, with Dick keeping his mess in his bedroom (and his half of the bathroom sink and the caddy full of different body washes and hair products that he has hanging in the shower), and Jason staying out of said room, for both their sake. 
  • Also, this text conversation (Jason is grey, Dick is blue):
  • Dick is a little shocked when he discovers that not only does Jason cook, he cooks really well. Jason doesn’t really have a day job, so it’s not uncommon for him to get bored and Google some complicated gourmet recipe to experiment with. He’ll never admit it, but he’s glad Dick is around to eat the leftovers, because he always makes too much for one person and not having anyone to share it with reminds him how alone he is, which generally leads him to a Bad Mental Place. 
  • Dick, for his part, can cook scrambled eggs and mac n cheese (the kind from a box), but that’s about it. 
  • Dick does not believe in wearing pants in one’s own home. If he’s at home, there is a 90% chance that he’s wearing boxers and an old T-shirt. Jason isn’t really bothered by it, but he does sometimes tease Dick about his choice in underwear. (“Superman boxers? Really? What are you, seven?” “Says the guy who owns two different pairs of Wonder Woman socks.”)
  • Jason will sometimes disappear for days at a time, and Dick knows that he can hold his own, but he still worries. Coming home to an empty apartment feels wrong once he gets used to Jason’s presence. The more nights he spends alone, the more anxious he gets.
  • When he comes back it’s always with takeout and an apologetic smile and usually more than a few fresh bruises. They’ll sit on the couch, eating food out of the cartons and watching late-night TV, very carefully talking about anything but where Jason’s been and what he’s been doing. 
  • If their building allows pets, they totally take in a stray cat and it becomes their baby. Jason found her in a dumpster and brought her home for “just one night” that stretched into “forever.” Dick names her Robin, and it becomes an inside joke in the Batfam that they’re training her to be Damian’s replacement. 

so @mikeybound wanted a martial arts au, and I was talking about it to @pining-keith earlier.  I didn’t want to overwhelm them with asks about it, so now it’s a whole post.  

It started with this: 

and here we go. 

Hunk: judo instructor, black belt, has been doing judo for years.  Before taking his class new students are super nervous and kind of afraid of him, because 

1. he’s fucking huge

2. he has a black belt (judo black belts take FOREVER to get, man)

3.  he and Shiro (jiu jitsu black belt) like to spar before class starts, so everyone gets to see them going full at it and seemingly trying to kill each other first. 

But then they get to know him and it turns out he’s a total sweetheart and a really good instructor who is gentle with the new students and explains things really well and lets everyone try moves out on him.

Y’know who else teaches like that?  Lance:  trained in karate and taekwondo, taekwondo black belt (because those LEGS man, tkd is the art for him s2g), certified instructor 

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Roommates Masterlist

When four very different outcasts find themselves sharing an apartment, things are bound to get chaotic, regardless of the fact that they all also happen to be werewolves. These are the tales of their regular misadventures. Whether they are joking around or literally ready to rip the others’ heads off, like it or not, for better or for worse-they’re roommates. And it looks like they’re stuck with each other.

These are The crossed fates of the Hale roommates.

A day in the life of a band of oddball misfits who’ve made an inexplicably odd but strong bond.

Sometimes they are lucky just to make it to the remote, let alone pick out a channel.

(This is updated as I go, and is current to 07/21/17.)

The unintentional start of the journey (Aka: The one that started it all.)

Christmas Time

Name in the Tag

Make it stop

Okay, seriously

Don’t mention it

People talk

I can live with that

Welcome to the outcasts club

Creepy Crawly

Somehow I’ll make a Wolf outta You

Flip on it

Slowly but surely

One walking, talking conundrum

If you snooze you lose

Until it got…. Here

Life. You never see it coming. (Combination of 21 prompts. You can find them here.)

I didn’t do anything

Making Fun Of Derek

I can understand that

On The Hunt - Part 1 of ?

Shaking newspaper of rage

To be fair

Believe me. I know.

Emotional Hell

Making Fun Of Derek - Part 2 of ?

Whatever You Say

Roommates Texts Masterlist

Dating Derek Would Include

Making Fun Of Derek - Part 3 of ?

Light ‘em Up

Watch It


Roommates Five Sentence Meme (Part 1)

Roommates Five Sentence Meme (Part 2)

Breaking The Fourth Wall

Breaking The Fourth Wall (Part 2) - My continuation.

Not while I’m around

A Relaxing Day

Not Again (Roommates)


TH: HEYO!!! Name’s Taetae or well actually Kim Taehyung, but whatevs! Anyways my roommate, bestie aka bro soulmate (mochi) Park Jimin convinced me to start a blog. I’m a gucci enthusiast!

I STAN JAY THE RAPPER SO HARD <3 ;u;! If you don’t like either get out! hah! just kidding!

Anyways, ask me stuff!

((Heyo I yet again started another blog lol rip me. I’m gonna end up dying! Also this is the same au as @askstarstruckjimin @askjay @ask-underground-suga @ask-floof-jungkook

OK but have yall seen The Hot Chick?

I was thinking of a body swap au sort of like that. Where Nat is your best friend and Bucky is the hot guy you have a crush on but doesn’t even know you exist. And somehow Nat and Bucky end up switching bodies and they both stay with you as yall try to reverse them back because they can’t go back to their families/roommates/whatever and you and Bucky end up falling for each other.

a disappointing absence of ribbons

baz is studying cosmetology, simon’s shaved his head, and the mysterious disappearing hair ties aren’t so mysterious anymore.

or: baz is aro/ace, simon doesn’t have his hair, they’re best friends, and simon’s still an idiot.

the dorm room is completely silent. baz’s sprawled out on his bed, reading, simon’s off doing whatever, and-

there’s several loud snipping noises in quick succession, a dry slide of something slipping down something, and baz’s heart leaps into his throat.

“damn,” says simon conversationally, and baz gets up to investigate. the bathroom door’s wide open. baz peeks carefully around the frame- and freezes.

simon’s standing in the mirror, most of his hair in the sink in front of him. baz gapes.

“did you just-”

“how do you feel about shaving heads?” simon asks, like he hasn’t cut the vast majority of his actual hair off. baz opens and closes his mouth weakly for moment.

“you just cut off your hair.”

“yep,” says simon, brushing off his hands. “listen, i think i can get most of the top, but the back might be-”

“simon, you actual idiot, why did you cut off your hair?”

he blinks at him. “it was getting too long.”

“i was going to braid it tonight! i had a good one!”

“see,” he says, pointing, “that’s the problem. you’re able to practice your hair braiding techniques on my hair and you were going to start breaking out the ribbons and i don’t think my masculinity would have survived that.”

baz sneers. “screw your masculinity, it was nice.”

“well, it’s gone now. help me shave it.”

he shuffles over reluctantly, tries not to cringe too hard as his pretty golden curls fall away. “you know how i can’t get crushes?”


“i think i had a crush on your hair.”

simon pulls back to look at him. “that’s… that’s kind of a weird thing to say.”

baz shrugs bitterly. “whatever, it’s gone now.”

simon grins at him, waggles his eyebrows. “now you have to teach me how to braid your hair.”

“no i don’t. how does that makes sense to you?”

“if you’re not braiding my hair-”

“than i’ll braid my own hair,” he sniffs.

“no, you won’t.”

“no,” baz admits. he hates braiding his own hair- it’s fine and thin and slippery and trying anything intricate usually takes about a container of bobby pins. simon’s hair was perfect. simon’s hair was ideal. “i have to break out the hair dummy.”

simon frowns like he hadn’t thought of that. “wait, really? i thought you could just take a break, teach me how to do the france thing-”

“french braid,” says baz longsufferingly.

“-or whatever. the hair dummy’s creepy.”

"your fault,” he sings under his breath. he hates the dummy too, but there’s no choice.

“why’d i have to room with the guy in cosmetology,” bitches simon quietly, and baz smacks his ear.

“shut up, you love me. why’d i have to room with the idiot football player?”

“touche,” he says reluctantly. baz steps away.

“done. idiot.”

“your words wound me,” says simon absently, examining himself in the mirror. “my head looks small.”

“you don’t need much space for a brain as tiny as yours,” mutters baz under his breath. simon shrugs, unconcerned.

“at least i’m not going to be stealing your hair ties. i can even give you back my stash.”

“you stashed my hair ties?”

simon gives him a ‘well, duh’ look and yeah, that does explain quite a bit.


“nerd. i won’t tell you where they are if you bring down the hair dummy.”

“but i have to-”

“nope,” says simon. “also, we’re broke, so you can’t buy more.”

“i have at least a week left,” says baz, who goes through hair ties like most people go through cheap noodles. “and i have a braid i want to try out. i was planning on using you-”

“is that all i am to you?” simon asks dramatically, sweeping out an arm carefully in their tiny bathroom. “a head of hair to practice hair styles on?”

“yes,” baz tells him. “now get out, so i can mourn your hair in peace.”

“so weird,” simon mutters, but closes the door respectfully when he leaves.


GOING ON THAT STICKER HEADCANON what If Indigo just… Puts I stickers on everything he decides that he owns. That’s your bed? well too bad it’s mine now

this is so stupid why the heck did i even spend time on this lmao

[Indigo, Blue, & Red belong to @loverofpiggies!]

My entire dash is posting Tony discourse so here’s mine:

+ I didn’t like Cap in Avengers.  I didn’t like Cap in Captain America (whatever his first movie was).  I thought he was boring.  However, Cap is 100% all about getting shit done and he understands that means people dies and maybe he dies and maybe we all die but the man has already literally committed suicide to save people.  It’s not even a little bit shocking that he wouldn’t like Tony when they first met.  Tony rolls onto the scene brash and arrogant as he usually does.  These are things I like about Tony, he’s confrontational and he’s a trouble maker and YES he also is a genius and he has recently dedicated his life to trying to better the world and that’s are admirable but their core personalities still aren’t people that would get along without effort.  This doesn’t make either of them villains.

+ For that matter, they were supposed to have reached a point of mutual respect for their very different but equally important skill sets.  That was the point of the whole final battle (In The Avengers).

+ There’s no telling how many missions they did together as Avengers, or how much time they spent hanging out together.  We don’t get to see them getting along because the MCU doesn’t show us that.  We only get to see them when they’re at odds; maybe that’s because in the MCU Tony and Steve aren’t pals or maybe that’s because Age of Ultron was predominantly a clusterfuck.

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