why do you think she was sleeping in his room?? can you do some meta on that?
I certainly can. I will meta on anything pertaining to these
two. First off though, I didn’t think that it was his bedroom? I think it’s just a general sort of Chancellor
gathering area you know, somewhere for the council to pool resources and
discuss and for them to work and get some peace. The sleeping quarters Lincoln
entered that he seems to share with Octavia were much, much smaller than the
room we saw Abby and Marcus in and in HIC’s interview he stated that his first
scene takes place in ‘this room’ wherever they were filming the interview and
then followed up by later saying we got to see Marcus’ bedroom, I’m guessing if
they were one in the same he would have mentioned it.
HOWEVER: I still think there are a lot of things to be
gotten out of her falling asleep in that room and in his company as well. I
mentioned in the meta I wrote yesterday that there’s a certain intimacy to that
scene; even if it’s not his bedroom per se it still has such a ring of
domesticity about it, largely because of the way that Paige and Ian play it and
Marcus’ little ‘the Chancellor hasn’t slept in two days’ which still has that
little tinge of intimacy to it despite the fact he uses her formal title when
he speaks about her to Bellamy.
So, I think there’s something important in the setting,
being, as I think it is, more council chambers than sleeping quarters coupled
with the fact that Marcus is working there and says that Abby hasn’t slept in
two days and also the way in which
she fell asleep and where, on a couch, and sitting up, with a tablet in her hand, it doesn’t even look as
though she meant to sleep, it looks as though she and Marcus were sitting
talking shop and she just couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore because at the end
of the day she is only human. It also means that Marcus just let her sleep
there and continued to work through whatever they had been doing but let her
get the rest that he knows she needs.
On a ‘less canon; more feelings’ note (because there’s
really no point unless you take things to another level of ‘Lauren you’re
reading too much into this’) I think there are more things to be said about
this scene than maybe initially meets the eye, things that I’m taking as implied even if this wasn’t precisely what the writer’s
had in mind but I want to yell about it anyway.
Abby falling asleep
with Marcus in the same room is important because she’s nice and chilled around
him and he just lets her sleep quietly and stops people waking her up and looks
after her but I think there’s also
something to be said for the fact that:
a)- Abby hasn’t slept in two full days
according to Marcus and he lets her sleep even though he knows how busy
they/she are because she needs it b)-Abby not sleeping for that long and in
this way I think is out of character for her; she’s a doctor, she was on the
council on the Ark and she was a wife and mother as well, she had a lot on her
plate but she almost certainly didn’t not sleep for 2 days because you know, I
mentioned the doctor thing right? She knows it’s not healthy, it’s not good for
her, it’s not something she does lightly.
I think this episode shows us the ways in which Mount
Weather broke everyone. Abby is suffering and just as broken as everyone else,
she’s self-destructing just not in the same explosive way as say Jasper. It’s
not as outward, it’s not as obvious, but it’s very much there. She’s not taking
care of herself. She’s working herself into the ground doing two massive jobs, doctor/chief of medical
and Chancellor, even with Marcus and Jackson’s support that is a ridiculous
task for just one person to accomplish and Raven points this out to her (albeit
in a rather harsh manner) that she’s spreading herself so thin like this
because she doesn’t want to deal with her pain.
Abby was tortured at Mt Weather for bone marrow (and as part
of Cage’s revenge ploy) her daughter, the last member of her family she has
left, has been missing for three months. Even if she’s not trying to have it on
her mind all the time and isn’t making irrational, impulsive decisions to try
and get her back we know that she’s worried (“Clarke?” And Raven’s small, sad
shake of the head is not only heart-breaking it’s learned, she’s going through
the motions, this is something they do every time they come back, they’re both
just reading from a script, she doesn’t expect anything but she has to ask, has
to know, and that’s really quite crushing and crushingly different from her
desperate hope last season)
Then, you know, going another step further, at this point
why not, I think there’s another reason for the setting and staging of this
little moment. It’s clear that Abby has just fallen asleep because she’s physically
exhausted and can’t stay awake anymore (I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who
deliberately falls asleep sitting propped upright on a couch without even a
blanket tossed over their knees) and when she has finally collapsed into sleep
it’s been in a place of work; a place where she can keep her mind occupied, a
place where she has Marcus to distract her, a place she doesn’t have to be
alone (and I think Marcus watching over her as she sleeps and looking out for
her, trying to make sure Bellamy doesn’t wake her is an extension of this;
there’s someone there, someone with her, someone she can immediately talk to,
immediately confess her dreams to and then immediately move on with, immediately
start thinking with and working with again so she doesn’t have to linger on the
things that’s tearing her soul into shreds) it’s not a personal place, it’s not
her sleeping quarters, it’s not a place she’s supposed to fall asleep. Straying
probably too far into the realm of personal headcanon but I don’t think Abby
likes being alone, I don’t think she copes with it very well, she’s surrounding
herself with other people (and other people’s problems) as a buffer and a
barrier for her own so she doesn’t have to think about it, so she doesn’t have
to face her own pain, face her own demons relating to all of this.
I think that episode showed the damage that people have
suffered in the last three months, the way they’ve changed, the way they’ve
broken and I think it does that with Abby as well. She has a very tangible arc
in that episode that culminates with her telling Raven “you were right, I am
spread to thin.” This is the first, to my memory, big admission of weakness or
vulnerability that we have ever ever seen from Abby, it’s not something she
does lightly, it’s not something that comes easily to her, it’s not something
we’ve ever seen or heard from her before, this is a big moment, even if it’s
said quietly but I think that’s the point?
Her whole breakdown this entire episode has been quiet,
almost silent on her part. It’s all subtext, it’s all implied, it’s all
something she’s trying to hide and something she’s trying to hide from.
her sprawled on a chair in her office, clearly having fallen asleep because she
physically couldn’t stay awake anymore; we hear from someone close to her that
she hasn’t slept in two days; we see her go through motions she doesn’t really
believe in but forces herself to do anyway, asking after Clarke even though she
knows the answer; we watch her in that little scene with Lincoln, Raven, Jasper
and Jackson all vying for her attention, all demanding that she solve a
different problem as a different person; Chancellor, doctor, counsellor,
friend, all wanting different pieces of her and all of them implying (and in
Raven’s case pretty much outright saying) that it’s not enough, that what she’s
doing, working herself to exhaustion isn’t enough because she’s not really in
it, it’s just a barrier for the things she doesn’t want to go through. And all
these little hints lead us up to that final admission; she is spread too thin;
she is doing too much; she doesn’t want to think about it, she doesn’t want to
face her own pain and I think that’s something quite big too.
So with all of that in mind I think that scene with Marcus in the beginning is
incredibly important, if you see Abby’s relentless working herself to the point
of exhaustion as self-destructive, as an incredibly toxic coping mechanism to
block out things she doesn’t want to think about that tiny glimmer of
vulnerability, watching her sleep, and Marcus encouraging this and letting her
do so is important and so is the quiet mention she makes to him about her dream
of the Ark, of happier times, before all of this happened.
That’s a moment of quiet vulnerability that Marcus is privy
to, she’ll let herself fall asleep with him (and possibly beside him if you
take my vague headcanons of them having been working side by side, him talking
her through a report or his map maybe when she just couldn’t take it anymore
and settled to sleep with her head pillowed against his shoulder) is important
again and adds something weightier and more important to the sense of intimacy
and domesticity surrounding that scene.
She feels safe with him, she allows herself a certain
vulnerability in his presence, she shares little personal things with him,
another vulnerability (Abby’s dreaming line and the past parallels with this
are something I could write a whole other meta on) and it’s just, again, so
much more depth to their scenes than originally meets the eye (or maybe I’m
just obsessively analytical and looking way too closely at things…this is a
deep possibility too)
Im trying to be comfortable with myself and my body no matter what bc i was so skinny last year and i remember being happy but i felt awful and i’ve gained weight because i’m eating more regularly and the better i eat the better my anxiety is and the better i feel in general. How i feel matters and how my body looks does not. So i will buy clothes in my size instead of buying them the size i was when i was 10 lbs lighter as “motivation” and I will wear crop tops shamelessly despite any belly rolls and I will take care of myself and my body and be confident that how my body looks is how it is meant to look when I do what’s best for my health.
1 what book would you recommend to everyone, why? The Ordinary Princess, it’s short and sweet and I’ve read it a million times, and even now I’m an “adult” it still makes me happy to read it :)
2 where is your favorite place? the farm/museum where i grew up, especially when all my family and friends get together out there
3 who do you wish you could meet, past or present? everyone says you shouldn’t meet your heroes, but i wouldn’t say no to getting to listen to a reading by Dickens himself
4 favorite mythological creature/person? i don’t really have one, but various myths about different gods are always entertaining to read about
5 do you believe in ghosts or aliens or both? both for sure, i was raised on a steady diet of those trashy conspiracy documentaries
6 you have the power to erase one book/show/movie from the planet, which one? I can’t pick one, so I’ll just say every poor book that’s suffered an awful movie, and then I’d do them over, and better
7 what super power would you want? The magical ability to have all the resources to make my own movies and shows. a million adaptions of everything would follow
8 you’ve found a genie! What are your 3 wishes? A wallet that always has exactly how much money i need when i open it, and to be able to read and write all languages, and then I’d set the genie free with the last wish, of course
9 now you’re being executed for a terrible crime, what’s your last meal? probably pizza…like a papa murphy’s cowboy pizza, then i could die in peace
10 which fictional world or time period would you want to live in? The Grisha universe, even if it’s slightly dangerous, it just sounds super interesting and i’d like to experience it first hand
11 what is your pokemon type? Either your favorite, or if you were a pokemon which would you be? my favorite is squirtle, so that’s probably what i’d be :D
Your portrayal is SO GOOD oh my gosh you make me cry and laugh and especially everything you do with fishmxma just leaves me in awe. It's to the point where I need to double-check headcanons and other things I write for accidental copying because I subconsciously just want to adopt some of your perfection. (-twicedarker, I ain't afraid to sign my opinion)
I followed you because I saw you a lot on my activity and then I saw some of your rants here and there and I liked you spirit. You're not afraid to say what's your mind, that's really nice :)
Ah yes, I remember that you said that about me a few months ago in a recommendation-post from you (did I ever thanked you?? I think I forgot so thank you <33)
But really? I’ve never really thought about it that people would see me that way, but still I’m really happy about this bc this is exactly the trait I really admire on other people most of the time, so yeah, thanks again! :))
why do i keep longing for a past that was toxic for me and the people in it? why do i want so badly to reach out just to know why, why is this happening why aren’t you stopping it why can’t you just remember. remember what it was like back then when we were happy and loved each other and we were a family you guys were my home and it all got taken away so fast and i know that was my fault and i’m so fucking sorry. i’m sorry for the pain i caused i’m sorry for running but why are you doing this why are you going against him why have you let this cynicism control you the person i remember was never one to be controlled please just tell me what happened? there’s no going back now i guess. the chances i spoke of drenched in rain are gone. i’m sorry it’s been reduced down to taking sides. just remember i loved you.
Like the title says, I’m afraid. Of what? I have no clue. All my life I’ve been afraid that I was a burden on others, or that no one really liked me- they’re hanging out with me because they pity me. At one point in my younger years, I thought my parents didn’t even like me. Now, they never treated me poorly, I just thought no one could ever like who I was. I was too emotional, or I was too loud, or too this or that. And I’ve spent my whole life in this constant fear that no one will accept me. Well, today one of my biggest fears came true- my planned roomie for next semester said she didn’t want to live with me. Not because she didn’t like me, or because she was tired of me, but because putting that much strain on such a fresh friendship is hard to do. Now, if I moved in with one of my friends I had know for years, maybe it wouldn’t be as bad. But… She was all I had… I don’t know how to make friends because of this constant fear.. I’ve thought the worst of myself for so long that I had created this false thought that I was not worth knowing… Tonight, I have decided that I am worth knowing… She is still going to be my friend, and we will still see each other, but I know now she didn’t say it was my character that was the problem, it was the fact that we were strangers trying to act like we’d known each other for years. That’s not always a good thing to do. Despite the small tinge of sadness I feel, I’ve decided that I’m not worthless, and that I need to stop acting like I am. People like me, they tell me that anyways, but I need to keep those people close and anyone who doesn’t like me, ok I get it. Not everyone is compatible with each other.
Sorry for the rant, but this really hit me hard tonight, and I’m just trying to put this out there. No one is worthless. No one. And if you ever feel like that, it’s ok, you’ll grow and learn that sometimes you’re your biggest enemy when it comes to these things.
Iris took a deep breath and stared at the person across the door. It had been so long since they’d spoken, but Iris still would never be ready for this. Ever. She dreaded the moment she’d have to speak another word to them, and she was afraid of what could possibly happen when she did.
“Why are you here?” Iris spoke slowly, with caution in her voice, trying to keep her voice from wavering.
What’s your favourite colour? → Right now it seems to be violet, but I still really like red. :)
Your favourite period in history and why? → I’m not too big on history in general, so I don’t think I can answer this one^^; I liked hearing about medieval times
What are you most afraid of? → Oh this could potentially be a long list ;; I’m really scared of slugs. It’s an irrational phobia, but like….slugs, man. :C And being alone or with too many people and making huge mistakes.
Which is the best or the least worst; math, physics or chemistry? → Considering how bad I am at math, none of these are things I’m great at. Though I love learning about chemistry
How many languages do you speak and which are languages? → Just English! Though if French is spoken slowly I miiight be able to understand it
Favourite meal of the day? → Large lunches! Like when I’m at home and can eat a lot and then have a really small supper.
How do you picture the world in a 100 years? → Probably either nuclear ruin or very technologically advanced. But my guess would be closer to nuclear ruin.
Are you religious? → No, I’m firmly a nihilist. Like whether or not there’s a god doesn’t affect how I behave or look towards the future because ultimately nothing changes.
Do you believe in an afterlife? lf so how do you think it will be? → Again, not something I think about. :P
Tea or coffee? → I drink a lot of tea nowadays, but coffee is still good on occasion. And mochas are the best <3
Which is your favourite flower? → Lilacs! My grandmother has these gorgeous bushes on her property that just remind me of my childhood.
Came home to this amazing Play Arts Spike Spiegel shipped to me by @krabbycrabtastic. I’m afraid to take it out of the box lol. I’m speechless, I don’t even know what to say. Blown away. Thanks so much Britt. 😭. What an amazing human.