Occie Porn by PeterPinnock The music of the Beatles defined a generation. I know - I grew up listening to them. Hey Jude, Love me do, Ticket to ride. And the one that has caused the most debate - Octopus’s garden. Ringo Starr wrote about one octopus, but what if he had a buddy? What would we call them - octopuses? Octopi? How about octopodes? Admit it - you’ve debated it. Take your choice, you can get away with either one.
So here we are diving on a local wreck and we find these 2 cephalopods doing, well, errrrrrrrrrr, ahem: OCCIE PORN!!! I guess they can get away with doing stuff like that in public in this new South Africa of ours. We are a lot more liberal now days. A few years ago they they would have been reported by the NG Kerk and unceremoniously bundled into jail.
Octopi mating is not something that the average man on the reef has ever witnessed. Here follows a child-friendly description of the act: The male starts by trying to impress the female of the species with the size of his tentacles and sucker caps. That sounds vagely familiar. The female will normally flutter her eyes and ignore him. More familiarity. Where do they learn this stuff? Undeterred, the male has an arm that holds rows of sperm which he inserts into the female’s oviduct. She blushes, does a shiver and goes through a few colour changes. The male winks at his reflection in my mask and says to himself: “suffer baby suffer”. It’s all too familiar.
We watch for a while but it eventually starts to get a bit awkward. I am not sure if octopus sex is a good spectator sport. I drift off humming to myself “I’d like to be under the sea In an octopus’s garden in the shade”.