what do you even call this ship

Harry Potter and the Neural Network fan fiction

Or, what happens if you train a neural network on the titles and plot summaries of over 100,000 works of Harry Potter fan fiction.

In the decades since the Harry Potter books were published, fans have written literally hundreds of thousands of Harry Potter stories of their own, and shared them online. Can a neural network join in on the fun?

In a way, everything a recurrent neural network writes is fan fiction. A recurrent neural network looks at an example dataset (such as the complete Sherlock Holmes stories) and teaches itself the patterns and conventions that it sees. So, if it’s given Sherlock Holmes stories, it will become obsessed with Holmes and Watson, and if it’s given knock-knock jokes, it will spend all day telling awful knock-knock jokes of its own.

Thanks to an idea by a couple of readers, some heroic work by @b8horpet in scraping (with permission) hundreds of thousands of Harry Potter fan fiction titles and summaries from AO3, and a flexible new recurrent neural network implementation by Chen Liang, the neural network’s latest obsession is Harry Potter.

The Perfect Party by iamisaac
Draco has been left alone, and Ginny confused must learn and who has his best friend. They were breathed by a love that didn’t become his grounds and the flowers begin.

This is a typical example of the neural network’s fan fiction - romantic pairings of two or more Harry Potter characters (called “ships” in fan fiction-speak). In this case, it even has chosen a plausible author: iamisaac is a real and fairly prolific fan fiction author whose works do tend to be of the “romantic” variety. 

The Garden by perverse_idyll for lexigilite
Ron and Hermione move after a man party. What did her best things go and has to deal with people she loves? How many imperfect love really belonges them and needs to be a person? Or will they learn and more than the war?

Mirror Thing by Queen_Elexhan
“Are you there for a relationship? I was a sad future for your love.”  Harry and Ginny find out the meaning is.

Shatters by Kis [archived by TheHexFiles_archivist ]
Based on the Spot Are It Falls Into A Heir by NextrangeOnTheThree
Draco and Hermione share a whole indescribbening.

Again, “perverse_idyll” and “TheHexFiles_archivist” are fairly active authors. (Hi, if you’re reading! The neural network seems to like your writing, and is writing fan fiction of your fan fiction!) Those familiar with Harry Potter fan fiction will not be surprised to learn that the neural network really likes to generate ships; pretty much every combination of characters is represented (some of the more unusual combinations being “The Snow/Voldemort”, “The Ministry/Draco Malfoy”, and “Voldemort/Random Quidditch Child”).

By turning down the neural network’s creativity setting to near-zero, we arrive at its vision of what the quintessential Harry Potter fan fiction would be like - and we also learn its favorite ship:

Persuading by theladyblack
Harry and Draco are still a second chance at the end of the war.  Will they be able to do with the fairy tale of the first time they were a strange stranger to the street of the war and the war is over?

It turns out the neural network is obsessed with Harry/Draco, although in a pinch, Sirius/Remus will also do.

The neural network also seems to really like stories about Professor Snape trying to do rather ordinary things:

New Moon Boys by Dungoonke for Loki_Kukaka
Severus Snape comes back to a night’s politics.

In the Reason Is Blinders by LittleRoma
Severus has been through his lost remote.

In The Alteri Silence by Forest_of_Holly for roscreens41
Snape receives life after plants to do by work over whether they get into. Just Hell.

A Second Chance by DarkCorgi
Snape had a second thing, and that is better than anything for for the rest of his life.

Mirror by orphan_account
Severus Snape tries to get a lot of dragons and that was to be more than he didn’t expect to continue. He has always been a bit of an old and a baby to stay the way he’d been the brother at Hogwarts and he keeps the chance of meeting…

Deception by FlyingEyes
Snape is a British Robes of interesting things and worrys like a little fun and sees the pretty battle for a while.

Another thing that happened, which is pretty much my favorite thing ever, is that the neural network apparently encountered some fan fiction stories that were not in English. As a result, it learned to do this from time to time:

The Secretary Of the World 
Challenge inspired by GoF and la mating resigns de la mill colors per mereple beruit carteur la pelete el wert rardo completing and herillo intus den una a des rush sentines kelta an transoles… 

Between by Cheyangel13
A series of fivers are unexpectedly depressed and controlled by the bed, with least more from una perfemale erpensa de the maesse akai suidadium dela vida call de la los se terriuus do form en sou dies de fasurard il resisted de for dogs la sementu sein prong colors itu dee adte se sige natard…

The neural network has also learned to employ capital letters:

Les finds love by violet_quill for starstruck1986
Severus Snape wanted him to be more and she likes Draco.  The person he wants an energy to him.  WHALIDE NO GEATIRE SOURR INSPE AHARMANABLISH ALL SOME TO VERY THE RERIDE!!!!!!!

secret Quidditch by snapsleert
Collapse and find the second worst and very different. See Gain and Descent motivate surprising death. Unbusing one of the months: should make more bumo.choooshots. HUGULATED

And the neural network occasionally uses content warnings, although it seems to have a rather fuzzy idea about what to warn its readers about:

Better With The Broom Complicate by Margyn_Black
Tonks gets more than the best girl of creation. (Rated Maturisle, mark, a violence, contract) (slash] part of themes) ferret.

Art for the Sun a Scary by disillusionist9
A collection of warnings: characters and situations of silence.

Some of the neural network’s stories, though, are just plain weird.

Harry Potter and the Painful Eyes by dark_pook
A Birthday drabble about the problems and a woman who shows up a lot less than she checks at Hogwarts in the destiny to the infamous adventure of control of the Art of The Good Boy Kings With Hermione.

Harry and the Blue Special Delicious by apolavia_scg
An unexpected potions messaged in the world their lives are to find friendship following the day of different pagers. James and Lily come to the summer before the war.

The Perfect Cow by alafaye
Severus and Hermione start a horcruxes

Art: Let Draco roll the light of the moon, and means. by Dangelanne
What happens after the war. Not drawn to Draco Malfoy jumpers. Originally written in 2008.

Birds of a Saturday by SasuNarufan13
Harry Potter is drunk and discovers he is an alternate universe.

Holly theody by yesIpxdishoftlyGrinli
What would be dangerous! Side Voldemort Jones does all lord off the sunshine show.

Lily Evans and the Ravenclaw of a Christmas Surprise by ci
Severus angst the truth of a frighten situation for the wink.

Persuasion by Samanthian
The Sorting Hat is fighting in one of the houses.

lily’s family by sharkle
Harry woke up in searching after a werewolf Sherlock’s picnic. He is furious.

As a bonus, I leave you with some fairly-plausible screennames the neural network invented, which appear not to be taken (yet):

desire_at_the_malfoy
SeverelyAshed
fishlingthelovely
thedarklyblue
phantombeers
captainingthetrain
siriusly_harry
DarkVoldember
ChildOfAtSperble
all_frogs
BelladonnaLeek
Sneaking_UnicornWitch
bluemelooppiesweatled

Did I do this meme right

Have we talked about this particular TDC’s behind the scenes clip?

CMIIW, but I don’t think it’s ever meant to be included in the movie because Dexter is playing with a smartphone there, lol. This is shown right after Dylan says “We genuinely love one another and are gonna miss this experience.” in the commentary and is supposed to show us how the cast beautifully bonded on set.

But can I just say that this right here is exactly how I imagine The Gladers would spend their days in Safe Haven?

Gally joking around with Brenda, Sonya, and the other girls because I always know Gally is smooth with the ladies. I ship him with Brenda, BTW.

Frypan bonding with Jorge, because if there’s one person who can make Jorge laugh like that, it’s definitely Frypan. He’s blessed with the ability to brighten everyone’s day and you know it.

And of course, Thomas and Minho in their own world, having a quiet conversation about anything and everything at all, because finally they’re able to just sit down and talk without having to run and/or deal with constant dangers for once.

They finally get their well-deserved peace.

Adding to canon is not the same thing as destroying canon

At San Diego Comic Con, we learned that Sonequa Martin-Green’s character, Michael Burnham, is Sarek’s adoptive daughter. The second I heard the news, all I could think was, “Let the hate begin.” And boy, did it ever.

I understand the disappointment, particularly with fan fic writers who invested a lot of time and effort into crafting stories that fit neatly into canon. Amazing how one sound bite can bulldoze right through decades of widely accepted fanon, huh?

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Can I get some Pidge and Coran headcanons

Coming at you with that NICHE MARKET

  • Coran will never admit it but he’s like 70% sure Pidge is actually eight-years-old (or the equivalent in Altean years). He thinks Pidge is like, a super-accomplished baby.
    • Lance: Okay but like… He’s not wrong lmfao (dodges a wrench) Hey! Coran, Pidge is throwing a tantrum again!!!!!
    • Coran: Oh dear, looks like Pidge is overdue for a nap :( (dodges a screwdriver)
    • Pidge: I hate this fucking family!!!!! >8C
  • Pidge offhandedly mentions during dinner that she’s trying to learn Altean and Coran is like (slams down spork) I WILL BE YOUR TUTOR. He gets very into it. He even codes up a space version of kahoot. He also baby proofs the Castle’s version of Killer Rosetta Stone®
  • Coran: Oh, hello Pidge! I’ve been looking all over for y-
    Pidge: (bolts)
    Coran: (immediately gives chase) YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE OF US THAT CAN FIT IN THE VENTS, PIDGE!!
    Pidge: I’M NOT CLEANING THE FREAKING VENTS AGAIN, GO AWAY CORAN.
    • Pidge: Why do the vents even need to be clean, I hate this family so much
    • Lance: I’ll trade med bay duty with you for a day if you want
    • Pidge: Deal.
  • Coran brings Pidge along every time he goes hunting for ship parts because Pidge can cry on command. It’s a very effective tactic for speeding up negotiations.
  • Pidge: (downs a cup of nutritional goo like a shot)
    Shiro: What are you doing?
    Pidge: (slams cup down) Coran keeps calling me ‘Number 5′ and I am determined to prove him wrong. 
  • Pidge is honestly blown away by Coran’s brilliance?? Like, the space uncle is usually used as comedy relief, but he’s honestly so freaking smart and Pidge is like (tears in her eyes) I Would Die For You Coran.
    • Coran is equally impressed by Pidge, because she’s so small and young but so brilliant? He constantly tells her how she would’ve fit in and even shone on Altea. 
    • At first Pidge thinks he’s being patronizing, ‘oh look at how hard the Earthling tries’, but then she realizes that no. Coran honestly thinks that highly of her. He gets misty-eyed whenever he talks about how Pidge and Hunk would’ve flourished in the classrooms on Altea.
  • Coran: Okay, but are you sure you don’t have any Altean blood in you? At all? A great-great-great-great-great to the eighth degree great grandmother, perhaps?
    • Pidge: Nope. I’m from the midwest. Which probably makes me some kind of alien, but still a human one.
  • Coran tries to stealth-parent Pidge, but Pidge always manages to turn it around on him.
    • Coran tries to convince Pidge to take a break and eat. Five minutes later he’s in the kitchen making tea for them both and he has no idea how he got there.
    • Coran tries to get Pidge to take a nap. Ten minutes later he’s giving her and Hunk a crash-course lesson on how to maintain the Lions in a worst-case-scenario pinch.
    • Coran: ????
  • Pidge: (cackles as she programs the training bots to chase Lance around the training room)
    Shiro: Oh geez, don’t worry Coran I’ll stop her.
    Coran: (smiling fondly) (glances over at Allura) Ah, don’t worry Shiro. The Princess used to be just like this when she was younger, and she turned out alright!

The tragedy of Janet

It is 2015 and you are Janet, the average Tumblr user, a White American girl in the age bracket of 17-22 (conditions sufficient but not necessary). Your life kinda sucks: Donald Trump is running for president, capitalism is destroying everything, including itself. It is a time of changes on a global scale and you don’t understand any of them. You don’t have a partner because of your insufferable personality and irrational sense of entitlement.  You log in everyday on Tumblr dot com to spread the Holy Word: “Men are trash,” you type furiously on the keyboard; “the Straights are at it again!” You have a fair amount of followers and the number grows exponentially when you display your innate ability for in-depth political analyses. “Anyways,,, Nazis are bad,” you write, and your followers go nuts because their guru has spoken. “Wow, I can’t believe Nazis were bad! Thank you for educating me.” You shed a tear. Your opinion finally, finally counts something. I’m so smart, you think, as you proceed to write another post about toxic masculinity and White people. You are Tumblr famous now.

Like any average Tumblr user in the 17-22 age bracket, you are in the Marvel fandom stanning Straight White Male characters played by Straight White Male actors with mediocre acting skills who probably only managed to land the role because of their pretty face, something that doesn’t usually happen to Black and non-White actors in general. You feel a twinge of guilt in your stomach, so you rant everyday about the lack of representation in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The production of Black Panther is announced and relief flows through you: soon, you will be able to keep thirsting after that Straight White Male dick and reblog Black Panther gifsets to wash away your guilt and prop up your wokeness. You change your username in lesbian-steve-rogers and call it a day. You are a Tumblr Queen.

In late 2015 Star Wars: The Force Awakens dir. JJ Abrams comes out. It’s a 5/10 movie, copypaste of A New Hope and too Marvel-ish but prequels were even worse so it evens out. However, something happens: you notice that some people are actively shipping Rey and Kylo Ren together and it’s as if Christmas has come a week early. You feel it’s your time to shine. “lmfaooooo are you guys… for real? Shipping this??” and again, “is this,,,,, what Straight people do???”. You bless your followers with in-depth 100% accurate analyses of the movie: “Rey is Luke Skywalker’s daughter,” you explain to your followers, who would believe anything you say without questioning it. “Kyle Ron is a school shooter.” “Kylo Ren is actually an incel.” You try to remember that English class you took in high school. “There is enough textual evidence to agree that Kylo Ren browses /pol/ on a daily basis and he’s intended as a metaphor for alt-right 4chan Pepe posters.” You trust the teachings of Calvinism. Predestination is real, and Kylo Ren is irredeemable and set for eternal damnation. “I can’t wait for Rey to kill Kyle Ron, dance on his corpse and make out with Finn.” Your knowledge of psychology and statistics is remarkable, even though you have not even graduated college. “People shipping Reylo are more likely to condone abusive relationships, I know for sure there is causal effect because it happened to my cousin after watching Twilight.” That’s it. You’ve put the entire American Psychological Association to shame. Your argument goes viral after TheMarySue publishes it and the Harvard Business School is considering offering you a place in the Statistics department given your exceptional ability to critically analyse phenomena and solve once and for all that annoying OVB problem. It’s time for you to drop the final bomb. “Reylo shippers hate women,” you write. “The tea is hot today,” your followers reply enthusiastically. You are a Tumblr God.

Two years later Star Wars: The Last Jedi dir. Rian Johnson comes out and you walk into the theatre ready to watch Kylo Ren twirling mustache doing Nazi stuff. The movie begins and something feels off. Yo mama jokes. Kyle does not kill his mother? You start sweating, and suddenly you feel catapulted in another reality where you are a Brazilian football fan watching the FIFA World Cup 2014 semifinal Brazil v Germany on the stands. Rey and Kylo Ren start acting friendly towards one another and every scene is a new nightmare. The Force is connecting them and Muller scores the first one. “You’re not alone” “Neither are you” and Klose and Kroos score three goals in four minutes. Rey ships herself to him? Khedira scores another. Throne room scene and Schurrle scores twice and makes it 7-0, but then Kyle is being Kyle again and Oscar makes it 7-1. You’re shaking. You’re David Luiz crying in front of the press. This is Trump’s America, you think, seething. You go back home and log into Tumblr dot com, almost smashing your keyboard. “Rian Johnson retire bitch.”

Six months into 2018 and Reylo is kinda mainstream and well-received by critics, but it’s not over yet. “JJ will retcon everything and make Kylo Ren and Rey switched at birth,” you say to your followers, now a little bit concerned. “Mark Hamill hates The Last Jedi,” you write. “Rian Johnson is a Nazi apologist.” “Daisy Ridley hates Adam Driv*r ugly ass.” It’s a conspiracy, you know it. You can’t be wrong. You channel your inner Larry shipper. “JJ wanted to make Rey Skywalker but Ruin Johnson stepped in and ruined everything.” But now there is a tingle in the back of your neck. Fear. Rey and Kylo Ren might really end up sucking face in the end. Your credibility is at stake. What do?

Suddenly, Spike Lee comes to your rescue: in his new movie, Adam Driver is a Jewish cop who goes undercover in the Ku Klux Klan.

Adam Driver dressed as a KKK member. Your brain cells start working and come up with what must be the undeniable truth. You muster your wokeness and, once again, you log into Tumblr dot com to spread the Holy Word.

“Adam Driver is a White supremacist ya’ll.”

Your job is done here.

It is time to catch up with Voltron now. Klance is endgame for sure, Sheith is a pedo-Satanic ship and there is no way Lance really likes Allura.

Maybe.

italeteller  asked:

Hey mom, you're a fandom elder yes? You've seen a lot of, for lack of a better word, stages. So do you have any idea how we ended up on this time where fans attack creators and fellow fans en masse and have no problems with hurling the most vile of accusations for the pettiest of reasons while also constantly digging into every new popular thing for some mud to smear it with? I know fandom has never been complete utopia, but lately it seems it's gotten... unhinged

Gather round the campfire children, and old mother bibs will tell you a tale…

It’s always been this batshit.

No, really. It just comes and goes in cycles, and it’s no coincidence that as we enter into a new conservative age of hell, that purity politics has reared its ugly head once more, picking on some old targets and some new ones too. Because so long as society is always evolving, so too does the levels of mental gymnastics people are willing to do to justify their bigotry. Sometimes it’s fear too. You don’t want your precious thing taken away from you, so lets throw someone else under the bus first.

I think a large part of why it is so much worse in certain online circles is because we have a whole new generation of fans who don’t remember a time when fanfic was underground and heavily censored to “protect the children”, which was actually code for “ban everything gay or move it onto an adult porn site regardless of whether it contains explicit content or not because children are too innocent to understand what gay is and what if it corrupts them an what if, what if, what if…” which is how young me ended up being exposed to a lot of horrific shit at the tender age of 12 because I wanted to read about Princess Leia holding hands with a girl.

So not only do you have a generation of people who don’t understand why mass censorship and witch hunts are going to actively destroy all of fandom, including the bits they like, but they also don’t know how to curate their own fandom spaces, and expect others to do it for them. Which is… yea that’s not how that actually works. Ao3 was never the norm. We used to have to host this shit ourselves, and hope like hell we didn’t get reported, taken down or even sued. And contrary to you sweetly calling me an elder, I am but a toddler at the feet of the true elders of fandom who have been fighting against this kind of thing for longer than I’ve been alive.

And some of it I get, I understand the visceral knee-jerk reaction. Like there’s some fics that the mere concepts of alone turn my stomach, like even if I see the ship name, I feel physically sick. So you know what I do? I blacklist that shit and go back to what doesn’t make me feel awful, and focus on creating content I want to see in the world.

And this concept is absolutely wild to some people because no, if something makes you feel that strongly, surely it must be evil???

Sure! Maybe. But where does that kind of thing end? Who gets to draw the line in the sand, you? me? Someone who will use their power to silence anyone who doesn’t conform to their high standards? What if those standards shift to something you don’t align with, what then? Well too late. Better start building your own fandom space and hope no one reports you and you get taken down and lose all your content. Again. And again. And Again.

So while I agree with you that things of late seem bonkers, it’s not all that unexpected. Annoying and exasperating as it is. And before anyone asks me how we fix it. I have no idea. Would that I could, but I suspect in 30 years someone will be asking someone else the exact same question.

Strain

He stared hard at the table, chewing his bottom lip as the team surrounded him at all sides. “What were you thinking!?” Shiro yelled, “this is by far the dumbest thing you’ve ever done!”
Lance curled into himself even more as the tension in the room increased.
“It turned out fine.” Lance muttered quietly.
“Are you being serious right now Lance?” Allura sighed shaking her head.
They were in the heat of battle. Defending another planet from Galra rule. “Lance, keep a distance. Provide cover for us.” Shiro ordered over the comms.
“Roger that!” Lance yelled back, settling into his snipers nest.
A loud explosion echoed across the city. “Buildings going down Shiro.” Hunk relayed.
“Good, that’ll flush out the rest of the Galra to the surface.” Keith added.
“Wait.” Lance said, noticing a large group of aliens rushing out of the way of the toppling building. “There’s people down there!”
He quickly got to his knees and stared down at the street. “We have to get them out of there.” He said frantically getting to his feet.
“Lance, stay in position.” Shiro order, “we’ll handle it.”
“You’re too far away!” Lance yelled back already on the move, alerting blue.
Blue quickly responded covering the citizens from the crumbling building. He breathed out a heavy sigh of relief before he was interrupted by Shiro’s yelling. “Now the Galra know that we have more than Black and Yellow down here!” He yelled.
“but-.”
“Get back in position. Now.” Shiro seethed.
“Yes sir.” Lance sighed, making sure everyone was safe before moving back to position.

“You completely jeopardized the mission.” Keith said with a glare.
“But we couldn’t just let those people die.” Lance replied meekly.
“You always do this Lance!” Pidge hissed, “It’s. Always. You.”
“You’re becoming a liability Lance,” Shiro said crossing his arms, “you really need to think about what you’re doing; and how it’s affecting everyone else.”
His tone turned cold making Lance go rigid. “The more stupid stunts you pull, the more likely you are to get someone killed.”
He bit the inside of his lip even harder, tasting blood.
“I hate to admit it buddy, but they’re right.” Hunk said with a sigh, “you’re getting selfish.”
A tiny gasp left him, his attention snapping up to Hunk. “S-Selfish?” He asked, his voice quivering.
“Voltron was created in order to save the universe, and stand as an icon of freedom.” Allura cut in, her voice harsh, “we can’t have someone who only thinks of themselves piloting one of the lions.”
He looked up at all the faces of his teammates. They all wore the same scowl, or disappointed look. He let out a shaky breath putting his head in his hands, and rested his elbows on the table. “I don’t understand.” He stated, his voice coming out hoarse.
Keith scoffed, leaning over the table. “Why am I not surprised.”
“Keith.” Shiro warned.
“Well, we’re telling him how it is aren’t we?” He snapped back.
Keith leaned towards him more. “You don’t understand because you’re arrogant, and stupid.” He said, “You’re selfish, and don’t understand why you’re finally getting called out for it.”
Suddenly Lance’s fists connected with the table, echoing throughout the room. Keith took a surprised step back. “Don’t call me stupid.” He said lowly.
“Oh, shut-.”
Lance raised his head cutting him off with a sharp glare.
His demeanour had gone cold, making the team uneasy. His posture quickly corrected as he crossed his legs and sat up straight in his chair. He glared sharply at the faces around him. “Okay, let’s pretend I actually care about what you’re going to say.” He said, his carefree tone catching them off guard, “what did I do wrong today?”
Everyone stayed silent. “Go on.”
Shiro swallowed thickly, opening his mouth. “You left your position after I ordered you to stay at a distance.”
“There were citizens in danger of perishing.” He replied cooly.
“Yes. But-.”
“Service before self.” Lance replied simply.
“What?”
“The military code. Service before self. In this case, cause before self.” Lance stated, “as the Princess stated earlier, ‘Voltron was created to save the Universe.’ The Universe includes all innocent living being within it.”
Shiro fell silent.
“That means, the need to do everything I can to save everyone I can negates your orders.”
“You revealed that the Blue lion was on the surface.” Pidge interjected.
“Oh, please. If you didn’t think we needed the Blue lion she would have been left on the ship.”
The team looked between themselves, making Lance smirk. “Will you just admit it?” He asked raising out of his chair.
“Admit what?” Hunk asked.
“You’re trying to use me as a scapegoat yet again.” He replied, “You’re putting all your frustrations on me again.”
He started laughing. “You call me selfish even though I put my life on the line today. You can me arrogant when I haven’t made any off handed comments in weeks.” His eyes moved to Keith, “and you call me stupid even though I contribute just as much to planning as everyone else.”
He took another step towards the doorway. “I am the farthest from those things as anyone on this ship.”
He turned his back to them. “You’re putting a strain on our team bond Lance.” Shiro said finally.
He paused a step before he was out the door. He half turned towards them with a small frown. “I’m not going to apologize for this. Not anymore.” He said simply before turning again, “As for the team bond. It’s been strained for a while; and I think you oughta start looking for different causes.”

(triggering content below the cut)

Hm.

I don’t know where to begin with this, so I’ll just jump right into it. Below the cut is a screenshot of a fic posted today in the Voltron tag. 

[Image description: Screenshot from the mobile ao3 page, taken on my phone. It includes the title of the fic, the author, the added tags, and the author’s summary of the fic.]

(Trigger warnings: Pedophilia, sh@ladin content, unhealthy relationships, sexual content (described in the fic’s tags), underage sex, statutory rape of a toddler)

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Ships Galore

Here are all of the shippy moments from Thomas’ new video because I’m polyamsanders trash, fIGHT ME
General polyam:
1.  "I don’t know, I’m just trying not to bring everybody in the group down, here" - Virgil
2. “I don’t need to belong to a specific Hogwarts house in order to belong with you, guys” - Virgil
Moxiety:
1. Patton’s excitement about seeing Virgil
2. Patton’s snapping when Verge appears, like “yas baby, work it”
3. Patton: “You only help to lift me up, you sweet and sour, misunderstood Shadow Link”, Virgil: “What?”, Thomas: “Just nod and agree, he has a lot of love to give”
4. “You don’t have to be mean to him” - Virgil to Roman about Patton
5. “If you keep talking bad about yourself, I’m going to physically fight you”, “Nobody talks about my child like that” - Patton
6. “I talk badly about myself”, “I WILL PHYSICALLY FIGHT YOU”
7. mumbled “I will fight you” (you notice a theme here?)
8. Patton’s “SAYS WHO?” when Virgil said he doesn’t fit in
9. “Awwwh, I’m proud of you!”
10. Patton fangirling so hard over Verge’s new clothes he starts choking
Prinxiety:
1. “I want to see what good old Panic! At The Everywhere has to say about this!”
2. Roman’s “Yas boy” when Virgil appears
3. Roman deducing what is truly bothering Verge and not being rude about it
4. “Noooo, hey…” Roman looking genuinely sad, “Not this time around, relax, I notice the effort, you’re good” Roman sighing in relief
5. Roman admitting that Virgil is right
6. Virgil very obviously checking Roman out after he changes
7. Roman’s expression when Virgil changes literally says “Damn”
8. Roman’s cute little escape - “hog-wild”
9. Virgil’s little chuckle because of “hod-wild”
10. Just Roman genuinely trying to be nice to Verge, it’s so sweet
Analogical:
1. Logan’s annoyance at Thomas patronizing Virgil when summoning him
2. Logan noticing that Virgil is making an effort to not be too distressing and acknowledging it
3. Virgil’s side glance at Logan when Thomas was making his speech
4. Logan saying he’s willing to participate if it will help Virgil feel better about himself
5. Logan complimenting Virgil’s honesty
6. “If anyone else here was going to be Ravenclaw, I would think it would be you”
7. Logan’s face of protest when Virgil say he’s not a problem solver
8. “Wonderful. I hope that you feel more like a part of the group, Virgil”
9. Just Logan being calmly and quietly nice to Verge
Royality:
1. “You’re the softest little puffball we got, padre”
2. Patton gushing over Roman’s words
3. Roman thinks Patton’s puns are witty
Logince:
1. Logan complimenting Roman for being on a smart streak
2. BANTER
3. Roman complimenting Logan’s pun
4. “Oh, that’s nice” - Logan about Roman’s new outfit
5. Banter while they sink out
6. Just, Banter in general. It’s so good.
Logicality:
1. “Because he’s my hero”
2. “WE  GET  IT  YOU’RE  ADORABLE”
3. This has the least amount of moments but it’s also got the shippiest moment of the entire video, so
Now, I know some people ship it (I kinda do too from time to time) and to be honest there’s a lot of material in this vid so here are two bonus ships:
Thomas/Roman:
1. “That was great”
2. “Why not” smirk, Thomas was 100% flirting here, it’s pretty obvious
3. “Roman, make it work!” suggestive look
4. “Aw, Prince 2.0h my goodness”
5. Thomas was really flirty, damn
Thomas/Virgil:
1. Thomas summoning Virgil in a baby voice
2. Thomas being awkward and messing up when trying to talk to Verge
3. “And that’s okay, what’s up?”
4. Thomas scolding Logan for calling Virgil odd
5. Thomas working hard to make Virgil feel included
6. “And that is a great example of what we are not going to do with Virgil”
7. Thomas glaring at Roman when he was going to say “paranoid”
8. “Verge, how you feeling?”
9. Thomas’s worried look
10. Thomas at Roman after Virgil changes: “Get on HIS level”
11. “Great new style, Virgil”
12. “That was cute” Vigil
13. Damn that one has the biggest amount of moments actually
In other words, all ships are valid and should be respected.
And I ship everything, I’m not even sorry.

Guess who wrote some more Steve/Tony/Bucky/Natasha???? It’s me. Why.


God, this safe house had seen better days.

Steve wrinkled his nose at the tiny cot and moldy-smelling sheets and wondered if he could handle staying awake one more day.

“I need the bathroom right now immediately,” Tony began, and hustled in the direction Natasha had pointed in.

Bucky put his hands on his hips and looked around, frowning. “Would it make you feel better or worse to know that Hydra had worse?”

“Shut up,” Natasha said tiredly, prepared to flop onto the cot, then apparently thought better of it and sat down on the floor.

Steve followed suit. He was quite tired. Who knew that accepting Tony’s offer to go with him on a trip to a public speaking event meant that they’d get chased down by both AIM and Hydra? At least they had been wearing casual clothes and sneakers. Tony had had to ditch his suit jacket and steal a hoodie to try and blend in with the crowd, and he was still wearing his loafers.

“You okay, Tony?” Steve asked after realizing they hadn’t heard him in quite some time.

Both Bucky and Natasha turned toward the bathroom door in concern when no response was forthcoming.

“…Tony?” Steve asked again, getting to his feet.

The doorknob jiggled and then there was a sad-sounding squeak. “Oh no.”

Bucky and Natasha were immediately on their feet as well. “What?!”

“Are you okay?”

“No,” Tony said, honestly sounding like he might cry. “I can’t get out because the doorknob broke.”

“Aw,” Natasha whispered, looking amused and sympathetic all at once. She smacked Steve’s shoulder with the back of her hand. “Help him, Steve.”

Steve didn’t need to be told twice. He grabbed the knob on their side.

“…You fucking idiot,” Bucky whispered gleefully as he gaped down at the doorknob in his hand.

“Steve?” Tony asked plaintively.

“Just—just a second, honey,” Steve said, turning back to Natasha with wild eyes and motioning at the door.

Natasha rolled her eyes and sighed. “My gear won’t help if there isn’t a lock to pick.”

“What?” Tony’s voice went higher in pitch. “What are you talking about, what do you mean there isn’t a lock—”

“Get in the bathtub, sweetheart,” Bucky sighed.

“What why? What’s going on?”

Get in the bathtub.

There was a pause as they listened to him shuffle around, and then, “Why am I in the bathtub?”

Bucky slammed his heel into what was left of the doorknob, causing the wood around it to shatter and the door to burst inward. Tony yelped as it ricocheted off the tub, ducking further into it and covering his head against the splinters.

Bucky stepped into the bathroom and reached down to scoop him up despite the lack of space usually needed to do so. “I gotcha, doll.”

“What a hellish day,” Tony complained, hiding his face against Bucky’s shoulder. “Everyone should cuddle me.”

“We can do that,” Natasha answered immediately, elbowing Steve in the side. “Steve.

He looked at her in confusion. “Wh—oh,” he whispered, looking around wildly, then hid the doorknob under the cot.

“Gimme,” Natasha said with just a touch of murder.

Bucky held his hands up to allow her to curl around Tony on his lap. “You know you don’t have to use the murder voice, right? You and Tony weigh, like. Five pounds.” He patted the floor beside him for Steve. “Especially when you spread out over both our laps.”

“I weigh at least five pounds all by myself,” Tony grumbled. He plopped his feet into Steve’s lap. “Rub these please.”

Steve gently pulled off one loafer and grimaced. “Aw, honey.

Natasha and Bucky whipped around to look and let out sympathetic sounds when they saw his bloody sock. And he hadn’t even complained once.

“I think there’s supposed to be a first-aid kit here,” Natasha offered, standing again. “Hold tight, Tony.”

Tony muttered to himself about how he’d been holding her tight, but whatever. Bucky and Steve fought valiantly not to find that adorable and failed. She returned shortly with what was quite possibly the tiniest first-aid kit they’d ever seen. It did have bandages and Neosporin though, so Steve didn’t judge it too harshly, instead delicately peeling off Tony’s sock.

“Ow,” Tony couldn’t help but whimper, hiding his face in Bucky’s shoulder again.

“Shh, honey, I’m sorry,” Steve murmured, grimacing at all the burst blisters on Tony’s foot. “We’ll get this fixed up.”

“What do you mean ‘we,’” Natasha began, because she was disgusted by feet, only to jolt backward. “Jesus Christ.

Bucky scowled at her, lifting a hand to pat Tony’s back as he tried to pull his foot away so she didn’t have to see it. Luckily Steve had gotten a good grip of his ankle the moment he’d seen Natasha look in his direction.

“I mean. Oh dear,” Natasha said haltingly, opening the Neosporin. “Why didn’t you say anything, Tony?”

“We needed to get to cover.”

Steve smiled sadly. “You did a good job, honey.”

“Gross, gross, gross,” Natasha whispered, squirting Neosporin on all of his blisters. “C’mon, Steve.”

Steve began bandaging his foot carefully. “We’ve got you, Tony.”

“’m sorry,” Tony said softly, shoulders sagging. “This was supposed to be fun. I was gonna take you guys out to dinner. Maybe see a show. Just… do something that wasn’t life-threatening for once.”

“It’s not your fault,” Natasha said immediately. “You can still do that when this blows over, too. We can even go for something exotic and heinously expensive.”

Bucky hurried to agree with her. “Yeah, doll, let’s try something new.”

“Right,” Steve added after Natasha prodded his shoulder impatiently. “I’m trying to concentrate, Natasha.”

Tony choked on a sad laugh. “I must look bad if you’re all agreeing to something heinously expensive.”

“Fine,” Steve sighed, rolling his eyes. “Just ridiculously expensive then. Will you stop moving your foot?”

“You guys are mean. I’m breaking up with you. I’m going to date Sam, Bruce, and Thor instead.”

“You love to dress Natasha up too much to break up with her,” Bucky began.

“Thor would look good in dresses too!” Tony burst out.

While Bucky and Steve were stunned, Natasha just shrugged. “No, it’s true. He’s just sad most Midgardian dresses won’t fit him.”

Bucky and Steve choked.


“What the fuck, Natasha?!” Steve and Bucky shouted the next day as she raced away, carrying Tony on her back.

“You snooze, you lose, suckers!” Natasha called back over Tony’s giggles, grinning when he wrapped his arms around her shoulders tighter and urged her faster.

Whew! The Year Three Kickstarter Ends in A Few Hours. 🎉

In case you didn’t know, I launched this Kickstarter to self-publish Year Three of Check Please, the third volume of my gay-hockey-pie-bro-romance (???) webcomic that you can actually read in its entirety on Tumblr. (Or here!)

Year Three is fun, a little dramatic, and records Bitty’s biggest moments of growth so far as our protagonist. 

And the Kickstarter has been huge too! Because readers came out in waves with enthusiasm, we hit…a bunch of stretch goals?? Which are exclusive to the Kickstarter. (If you have more questions, I posted an FAQ under the read-more.)

So there ya go! That’s the Kickstarter. That’s the comic. If you can’t join in–no worries. There will definitely be another Kickstarter in a year or two or so! Thank you for reading. Have a good one!

Keep reading

Watching CASTLEVANIA on Netflix like

Me: Aw man, I dunno about this. The animation and voicing are amazing, but all this excessive gore is gross and unnecessary. Sure, the games are bloody too, but I don’t recall any graphic viscera.

Also Me: *rubbing hands together* TIME TO SHIP TREVOR AND ALUCARD!

This was a good idea gone bad. Like, really bad. Ship It by Britta Lundin is written as a serious twist on the film industry and what can and can’t be done to a show by the relationship of fans and those who help make the show happen. Something that several fandoms need to learn (you know who you are). 

However, this is read as an embarrassing take on the concept of fandom and shipping with a character who is entitled and doesn’t at all get any consequences for her actions. At all. Guys, she hacks someone’s Twitter account and threatens to post things on there without his consent unless he makes her ship in his show canon. She betrays two people’s basic human trust after they talk to her about things that make them uncomfortable in confidence, and she still doesn’t get into trouble. 

And yet somehow, I am supposed to be relating to this character or cheering for her by the end of it? 

Well, let’s take a look. 

Ship It starts with Claire, one of our protagonists, going to a panel for her favorite show Demon Heart and asking the panel about her ship of the two main character who are men and obviously should be shipped together. The other protagonist, Forest, does not think that they should be or that his character is gay - something that many real life actors and actresses are forced to address in show business. This dismissal of Claire’s question causes her to run from the panel in tears and fling herself onto her hotel bed to cry. I am not kidding.  

What follows is a story about Claire being taken along on the convention tour so try and do damage control. Along the way, her goal is to talk to the writer of the show to try and convince him to make her ship canon, and she gets to know Forest, his co-star who plays the character she ships him with, and a fellow fan of the show, POC pansexual Tess who she is totally not gay for - right?

When I first read the blurb, the set up for the story felt like every 2012 fan fiction that began with someone’s drunk/abusive mother waking the narrator up and telling them that they have to pack because they have just been sold to a band. But then I read about Tess’s involvement in the story and how her being there causes Claire to question  her sexuality, something that many teens can relate to. I took a breath and grabbed the book, praying that it was at least well written. 

Man, oh man, was I wrong. 

The entire time I was reading this, I wanted to punch Claire in the face. She represents everything that is wrong with fans who go to extremes for shipping. Granted, her opposite narrator, Forest, can be a bit of an asshole when dodging fans asking about his character’s sexuality, but he does eventually open up to Claire about his life and his own fears for his acting career. That being that his father is sorta thinking this acting thing is a phase and that Forest is scared to give up and become a nobody from a small town in Oklahoma. 

Claire is surprised to learn this about forest and she does the most rational thing ever; she turns around and writes RPF about Forest, revealing this new found knowledge by turning his father into an abusive asshole who scarred Forest’s back and a sex scene between him and his co-star. Because, what else are you supposed to do?

Later, she organizes a fan strike from her tumblr to not ask any questions at another panel until the runners for the show agree to start talking about her ship and possibly make it canon. However, Forest gets understandably frustrated and shuts the protest down by calling out the shippers. Claire counts it as a victory when the fans get upset at Forest and thinks that by banning together, she - er, I mean, the fans - may get what they want… even though Forest’s career, as well as the crew and cast, are no doubt under scrutiny now.

However, remember I mentioned a girl named Tess earlier? Tess is actually one of my favorite characters in the book, and personally, I would have enjoyed a book about her instead of Claire. Tess is a curvy black girl who is pansexual and a fan of the show, but she struggles with being an ‘outed’ fan because of how society treats fans and fandom - a good topic to bring up, but the book brushes over it. 

Tess points out to Claire that life and fitting in is hard enough for her with her race and sexuality being used against her and she doesn’t want to out herself as a fangirl as well because it would ruin what friendships and relationships she has with people. 

This actually causes an argument between the girls, with Tess telling Claire that maybe she should stop trying to push her ship onto the show runners because ultimately, this could hurt the show more than help it. Claire tries to reason that this will help the LGBTQ community and Tess actually gives my favorite quote of the entire novel:

“’I stopped caring what the show runner thinks because a character can be anything in fic. They can be black or queer or fat or whatever the fuck I want and I don’t need anyone’s permission. So just ship what you want to ship and stop caring so much about what Jamie and Forest think!’

‘But they’re wrong,’ I kind of yell. ‘And someone has to tell them that. Why don’t you see that? The world would be a better place if there were more queer characters, more black characters, more of everything that’s not the same old same old.’

‘But you’re not pushing for more black characters, are you? You only care about one thing.’

‘That’s not true.’

‘Of course it is! You know how many black characters have been on Demon Heart? Like two, and they were both demons. Now they’re dead. You’ve never mentioned it. You only care about the thing that affects you.’

‘I do care about that. But look, we can still make SmokeHeart queer, but we can’t turn them black. That’s not how it works.’” (238, if you wanna see).

This is actually a good point that is brought up in the book and for one moment, I actually thought something smart was going to come out of the resolution of this book. Tess points out that fans usually freak out over the sexuality of the characters, but right now in media, people aren’t harassing show runners to make POC characters. Claire refuses to acknowledge this, and basically just says it’s more important to make characters gay than it is to push for ALL forms of diversity that there should be in media. 

Tess even goes on to admit that Claire isn’t being honest with herself and works it in that Claire is denying her own sexuality as being bisexual/queer (the book never specifies and somehow tries to make this a big deal in the plot) and Claira brushes her off. 

After this, the two are tense and Tess tells her that her friends are coming, the ones who don’t know about her being a fangirl.

Claire takes this knowledge, still upset and thinking that Tess is in the wrong for telling her to give up on harassing the Demon Heart crew, and outs Tess as a fangirl in front of all her friends when they are out for sushi, after which her friends are confused and look to Tess a little oddly. Claire even goes as far as trying to play the victim when she leaves, to leave Tess to clean up her mess.

And somehow, I am supposed to be wanting Claire and Tess to be together by the end of this book when Claire chooses a ship over POC representation and then outs her about a secret Tess has every right to keep to her friends? 

You know, I’m really not sure. 

Claire then hacks the Twitter account of one of the show runners for Demon Heart and basically blackmails him into getting her ship canon but he makes a good point - he doesn’t have that say in the end. It’s the studio who want to appeal to a wide audience, it’s the actors who want their characters to say certain things, it’s the writers who all want to put in their own story. But Jamie, the show runner, is so twisted in Claire’s narration of him that we are led to believe that he is just a horrible person instead of someone who wants to tell his own story but has to go through an insane amount of walls to even tell a small portion of it. Jamie does admit to queer baiting to get people to continue to watch the show, but Claire still plays the victim when he just walks away from her saying that he’s had enough of her (along with something about suing but I don’t really remember). 

The show launches the last episode of it’s first season while they are wrapping up the panel tour and in a big ‘twist reveal’ kill Forest’s character on the show, and Jamie says that he has to put an end to Claire’s ship or they will never stop hearing about it. He fires Forest and says he cannot return for a second season, of which Forest is obviously devastated for as his biggest fear of becoming a nobody in the acting world may happen. 

Forest, in that fit of anger, goes on Twitter and thanks the fans for their support in his role, but explains he won’t be coming back. He then tweets again, saying to blame Claire. She gets angry over this and goes to confront him, and he tells her that Jamie fired him so that she would stop her pursuit of the ship in the show - and then confronts her about writing RPF of him and his costar having sex in his trailer and twisting everything he told her in confidence to make his dad seem abusive. Claire tries to defend herself, and Forest yells that he isn’t gay. This leads to one of the most frustrating exchanges of dialogue. 

Claire insists that Forest is just being homophobic. 

Forest says that he isn’t, he’s just straight and she had no right to write that about him. 

Claire gets frustrated and yells (and this is actually what she says) “They’re just dicks, you dick!” 

Cue me wanting to rip up a book for the first time ever. 

From there, things happen and it’s the low for the characters, and so on and so on and they all finally get to talk and make up for their anger. Somehow, Claire’s sexuality is still a big deal and she outs herself to the world at a final Demon Heart panel as queer (again, how is this relevant to the plot?!) and this gives Forest the courage to stand up and make a really big queer bait of him encouraging the shippers and then kissing his co star on stage. 

Of which in the next chapter is revealed to be a lie and the two brush it off and say if they see another shipper it will be too soon and it is revealed that Forest is seeing one of the women who works in the PR for the show. 

Wait what?!

I read all of that for Claire not to actually learn anything from her actions, be entitled and pouty and enabled by terrible characters all throughout the book only for her big moment to be outing herself as queer - when that wasn’t even a good plot thread to the book over all?! The hell!

Ship It is pandering to every fan fiction reader who wants to live out Claire’s chance of making their ship real and not being able to separate shipping from reality. 

This author wrote a character who enjoys fandom without realizing what fandom actually is - it’s a space for fans to come together to share how they all interpret this amazing media that they have banded around. In fandom, you can ship what you wanna ship, and you can certainly have power over race and design and so on. 

But there comes a line between fan fiction and canon media - and then another between those and reality. Claire is a fan who dangerously mixes all three together and never once gets punished for it. The story we are supposed to focus on, somehow, is Claire struggling with her sexual identity, something that comes up at the weirdest times and is a completely confusing plot point to the entire story with the way that this all came about. If you wanted a story about a girl questioning her sexuality, give her more scenes with Tess that don’t point to a delusional, toxic relationship and maybe, just maybe, don’t have a show panel as your setting for the supposed love story to bloom. 

Do not waste your time with this book; I still don’t understand how someone was able to publish this completely. I don’t understand how this got through dozens of people and not one of them said that maybe they should look this over again and try to reorganize everything. 

But hey, maybe a book about the evils of queer baiting is a little bit of a queer bait itself. 

Drabble prompts! Send one of these and a ship :)

  1. “Oh go sit on a a cactus.”
  2. “The president needs me to do what?”
  3. “Do you even own a shirt?!”
  4. “Was I suppose to be impressed?”
  5. “How am I suppose to be calm at a time like this?”
  6. “Everything is awful and nothing matters.”
  7. “I forgot how much I hate you.”
  8. “Everyone knows the 90s were the epitome of high fashion.” 
  9. “Is that a dragon?”
  10. “Why is the bathtub full of gold fish?”
  11. “You call that a pizza?”
  12. “Stop complaining at least you only broke one leg?” “YOU BROKE MY LEG!” “I said I was sorry.”
  13. “Did you run a background check on me?”
  14. “How was I supposed to know there was someone in the trunk? I was just stealing the car not trying to kidnap you!”
  15. “Are you saying you don’t accept my rose?”
  16. “What do you mean you don’t know who Batman is?”
  17. “Are you trying to psychoanalyze me?” “Well I did take a psych class in college.”
  18. “Just go to sleep.”
  19. “You can’t sing and dance your way our of every problem, this isn’t a musical.”
  20. “If you frown any harder your face will stay like that.”
  21. “You’ve always been trouble.”
  22. “I heard you singing Taylor Swift in the shower this morning, are you okay?”
  23. “I’d tell you to go to hell, but I never want to see you again.”
  24. “I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”
  25. “What are you, a vampire or something?”
  26. “According to US Weekly we’re married.”
  27. “Don’t leave me alone with him, he’s got a murder-y face.”
  28. “You said you were good at baseball!”
  29. “Did you steal someone’s cat?”
  30. “I need a favor.”
  31. “Stop being such a baby.”
  32. “Who said I hate you?”
  33. “You’re not a 1920s mobster, stop acting like you are.”
  34. “Regina George would be impressed with you.”
  35. “Are you crying because we ran out of pizza?”
  36. “Wow she’s way better than you, does that make you feel bad?”
  37. “I bet you ten dollars you won’t kiss me.”
  38. “If you don’t hurry up all the good fruit will be gone.”
  39. “Since when do you have a stand at the farmers market?”
  40. “Did you actually carve that?”
  41. “I can’t get up there are three dogs on my lap.”
  42. “My dad mailed me all my old yearbooks, I never noticed that you were in ever picture with me.”
  43. “Stop playing games.”
  44. “It’s 2 AM, why are you here?”
  45. “… Where are your pants?”
  46. “Please don’t give me a ticket, my dad will kill me!”
  47. “How’d you get here so fast? Can you teleport?”
  48. “Is that my shirt?”
  49. “Are you an undercover cop or something?”
  50. “I’m not a pirate I’m a privateer.”
  51.  “Well my mom thinks I’m special.” 
  52. “I… I think I love you.”
  53. “Make that bird stop chirping, I’m trying to sleep.”
  54. “Stop running away!” “Then stop trying to protect me!”
  55. “Are you… are you growling at me?”
  56. “Look I was suppose to take my sister to the Ed Sheeran concert but she ditched me, want to go with me instead?”
  57. "You look really familiar, do I know you?” “I think we matched on Tinder a few months back.”
  58. “You brood more than Bruce Wayne.”
  59. “We’re closed.”
  60. “Shit! I forgot your birthday didn’t I?”
  61. “Just go with it.”
  62. “I need a favor, and not the sexual kind.”
  63. “Wow amazing, it’s like you’re trying to be an asshat.”
  64. “Your pickup lines weren’t cute in high school, they definitely aren’t cute now.”
  65. “Why did someone just tell me that they ship us?”
  66. “How many seasons did you watch today?”
  67. “If you make one more stupid pun, I will actually stab you.”
  68. “Never do stupid shit alone, always do it with a friend.”
  69. “Stop laughing every time the announcer says 69.”
  70. “You look good in green.”
  71. “You can’t come here and only eat the free samples.”
  72. “I’ve never lost in a bake off.”
  73. “I wrote you a song.”
  74. “It’s been 10 years how do you still look so good?”
  75. “Don’t you dare bite me, I’m mad at you!”