A reverse is a lot like a Big Bang, if you’re familiar with that. In a Big Bang both authors and artists sign up. Authors are given a minimum of words for their stories and have an aloted time to write them.
When they’re done, their stories are up for claims! Which means authors can go over the summaries and pick the one they’d like to create artwork for. The artists and authors are then paired up and work together to deliver a story + artwork that will be posted on a certain date!
A Reverse Bang is exactly like that, except artists go first, and then authors are the ones who decide what kind of artwork they want to write for.
What is required of artists?
Create a brand new piece of artwork, picking your medium of choice. It has to be new and unposted in any kind of internet platform. You may draw about anything as long as it’s otayuri centric.
With your art, you will also submit a little prompt, or a short description of what inspired your work, so writers can better choose what they’d be interested in during claims.
You have until March 4th to sign up, and until March 24th to submit your entry.
Short answer: yes! But we are also considering photosets and gifs as art, so if you want to participate by doing that you can.
You can also sign up as a beta reader or a pinch-hitter! A beta reader is the person who reads over an author’s story and helps with spelling errors, grammar, sentence structure, plot, etc, and a pinch-hitter is a person who, if someone drops out after having been paired up, swoops in and fills in the free space the drop out left!
8 February - Artist and Author Sign ups OPEN 3 March - Artist Check-In #1 4 March - Artist sign up CLOSED 17 March - Artist Check-In #2 24 March - ART DUE 28 March-30 March - Art Previews Up 30 March - Author signup CLOSED 31 March-½ April - ART CLAIMS 8 April - Assignments Out 16 April - Author Check-In #1 29 April - Author Check-In #2 12 May - Author Check-In FINAL + Last Day to Drop Out 13 May - Pinch Hitter Call 19 May - Author Stories DUE 23 May - Posting Starts
Are all Check-ins mandatory?
Absolutely. We want to be able to keep track of everything and make sure everyone is having a good time, so please check your e-mails around the check-ins!
Check-ins will be quick and painless and will come in the shape of a little form for you to fill out.
I used this when I was about 15 when I had some issues with someone at school. They did a pretty nasty thing and it really hurt my feelings, especially when I liked them in a romantic way. I performed this spell about a month after our little teenage flurry and after about 3 weeks he moved to a different state. Before you do this, ask yourself what your goal is… for me it was to have closure and to get him away so I could have that closure. We were just about in every class with each other which was very distressing for the both of us… even so that he disappeared from school for about a week. The reason why I chose water is because it has an emotional connection.
what you need
a heavy stone ( small enough that you can pick up and heavy enough to sink)
Black ribbon that is made from an environmentally friendly material.
a piece of paper that has been cut on all four sides (you want to cut this person from your life) you can use tissue paper which is ok and wont damage water ways all that much… (it dissolves so its all good)
Black beeswax candle
the persons full name and maybe a photo of them or some finger nails etc.
1. Write the persons name 3 times on a piece of paper, making sure your don’t raise the tip of your pen. The letters have to be joined. I just used an example name for this.
2. Now write your name over the top of the other name 3 times but make sure its in the opposite direction. I wrote a pretend name over the top in red so you can see it. (sorry, my camera is reversed)
3. Next, write “Move far away from me” or along those lines and again make sure the letters are joined all the way around in the circle. (this is in Blue for you).
4. Place your personal concern in the piece of paper. (I used a shell cause yeah… thats like the only small thing I could find right now. Maybe the button would have been better? but anything that was owned by them is ok…. so.. a strand of hair or something they’ve given you).
5. when you have your personal concern in the paper then fold the end closest to you over and away from you so that you have a folded piece of paper with the concern inside. After, fold it again but making sure its still away from you.
6. when you have folded your paper, seal it with a bit of wax from the candle.
7. when the paper is sealed, place it onto the stone and wrap the ribbon around tying the paper to the stone you have chosen. Imagine that this stone is the person you want so badly out of your life. I’ve used red wool to demonstrate to you here.
8. When wrapped, take this stone to a stream which is far away from where you live thats really deep and throw the stone into the deepest part of the water as you do so… visualising the person moving away from you and cutting all ties. Say “ the further this stone is away from me, the further ______(Name)_____ shall be away from me.” then turn around and dont look back. Do not come back to the place you took the stone.
**Note: I apologize in advance if this comes across as angry and vitriolic, but I really like Hak a lot. I think he’s a wonderful leading man who genuinely cares and respects Yona in ways I so rarely see in popular media, so to see him being criticized for not being a Nice Guy™ really, really grinds my gears and I felt it necessary to say something. So… yeah.
So I go on a manga reading website to read AnY, and in one of the forum I see a great big jumble of bullshit masquerading as a forum post. I’ll spare you guys most of it, but I screenshotted the part that made me livid because, especially for the anime but also for the manga, I see the same sort of reasoning ALL THE TIME.
Not only is this just…. super gross generally, but it shows a fundamental misunderstanding of Hak as character. Hak is not a Nice Guy™ who is caring for Yona with ulterior motive of “Oh, if I just stick around long enough and remain hopeful, someday she’s gonna fall for me, right??” No. NO NO NO NO. That is not Hak. That was never Hak. He is not here at Yona’s side hoping and waiting for the moment that she’ll someday love him, and it sure as hellisn’t the reason he’s still there after all this time. Does he love her, and did he try to make such apparent to her originally? For sure. Does he believe if he just remains persistent, she’ll someday love him back? No. Nooooooo. NO.
If you don’t believe in anything, believe it gets better.
I went from being in love with someone that really really fucked me up and wanted a piece of everyone.. Lied to me for months.. Played me for months.. Yet I was still doing everything I could + more for them when they didn’t even ask for it.
I was hurt for months.. Tried offing myself a good 3 times.. If it was my time, I know I wouldn’t be here today..
Now look @ me. I’m in love w/ my best friend of 4 years.. She loves me for me. She gives me purpose and more. She’s the Realest person I know.. And she’s never switched up on me.
She loved me @ my lowest & picked up my broken pieces.
Johnna is who I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. She’s perfect for me..
If you wanna see the most beautiful thing about me, look @ her because that’s what she is for me
It feels amazing to wake up everyday and know you have someone.
I’m happy..I’m starting to get the hang of this thing called “ life ”
It’s not so bad..
God is good.. I’m glad I failed @ offing myself last year
Darren Criss was always destined to make a career out of music. He studied the violin from age 5 well into his teenage years, picking up other instruments along the way, while also pursuing a love for musical theater. But he credits his own musical endeavors to the environment in which he grew up – particularly his older brother, Chuck, who brought other musical interests to the table especially when they were in high school.
“Music has always been the backbone of our relationship and our household,” Darren tells Billboard. “We both had a voracious appetite for music, but I think high school is when we started playing together and being to communicate on a level that changed everything. I think the kind of music we played is probably loud garage rock, because we were just playing in the basement.”
Once they graduated, though, the Criss brothers decided to take their own paths. Darren independently released a solo EP, Human, in July 2010, just months before debuting in his breakthrough role as dreamy choir head Blaine Anderson on Fox’s hit musical dramedy Glee, while Chuck found a home in New York City and became a founding member of indie-rock fivesome Freelance Whales.
With Glee seeing its end in 2015 and Freelance Whales’ most recent album hailing from 2012, both Criss brothers were itching to do something new musically – so they thought, why not relive the days of the brotherly collaborations? And come March 8, 2017, behold, the Criss alt-pop project Computer Games.
Summary: Request from anon: “Could I request an imagine where the reader joins Grayson in one of his videos, maybe a girlfriend tag or something? Ethan’s in it too somehow as well xx“ Word Count: 1,416 Warnings: None. A/N: I had such a difficult time writing this just because I just couldn’t figure out how to squeeze in Ethan without making him the third wheel 😂 But I got it! Hope you enjoy xxx
“What’s up guys! Welcome back to another video!” Grayson started, smile wide on his face as the camera in front of the three of you started recording.
“We’re joined here by Grayson’s lovely lady, Y/N. Say hello.” Ethan continued and they both turned to you. You blushed, waving a hello to the camera.
Grayson smiled softly at your shyness, turning back to the camera as Ethan laughed.
“Today we’re going to be doing a… Kind of a Couples tag,” Gray explained. “So basically, Ethan is gonna ask us questions about each other, Y/N and I will be writing the answers down on these small whiteboards. The one who gets the answer wrong is gonna get something dumped on their head by Ethan. If you get it right, you get a point.”
Okay, so I wanna do a fanfic of @shinyzango with the 2D Bendy AU she created. I am just IN LOVE with it and giant Monster Bendy! And I kept thinking when he’s with around Henry is ‘Looks like a cinnamon roll, but can actually kill you’ and I can see how their bond is strong, so this is kinda based on the other fics that @nyrandrea and @sapphireclaw did (My heart…it gone done broken when I read them) so here it is!
Prompt: Jeonghan gets jealous when you meet up with your long time best friend Requested by: Hina Word count: 2,091 Genre: Fluff with slight angst Warnings: None!
A/N: Hey all! So sorry for being on hiatus the past god knows how many months, all the other admins and I are really busy with work and the time we have dedicated to write is really limited. Nevertheless, i hope ya’ll like this Jeonghan drabble, thanks also to admin Jihooned and Wooed as well for providing some ideas :) Cheers!
- Scooped ✌️
Pulling down the hems of your shirt to your waist, and turning around once more to look at yourself in the mirror - you were perfectly ready for a date with your boyfriend, Jeonghan.
“Unknown Number” your phone screen read.
“Hello…” No reply.
Just as you were about to hang up, thinking of the call as a prank, the other side of the line, a male with a shy, timid voice, finally spoke up.
Can i request a Xiumin/Baekhyun [whoever you choose] fight with their bestfriend because she kept saying that their gf is cheating[which is true] then they go away and----you know what's next. HAPPY END pleaseee
It had been an accident.
You had never really approved of Minseok’s newest girlfriend, even if she did seem quite nice. There was just something about her that ticked you off, and you hadn’t known what it was. But because you loved Minseok and you loved seeing him happy, you had watched him introduce her to you with the biggest, brightest smile, one that tore at your heart.
Because you could never make him smile like that.
But that was fine. You were used to it. Being his best friend, you were used to him getting girlfriends and falling in love. You were used to picking up the pieces because that’s what best friends do. Sure, the times when he’d end up crying into your arms about some girl that broke his heart had you crying yourself to sleep and wishing for something that could never be, but you were fine with that. You had never been a greedy person. You were fine with the relationship you and Minseok had, even if he had broken your heart so many times before. You were good at acting. Good at keeping your feelings locked up inside.
But now, you can’t hide the shock in your face, the disgust in your eyes. All you could do was stare in horror as you watch Daeun, the supposed nice and sweet girl who calls herself Minseok’s girlfriend, is kissing another man you don’t know like her life depends on it.
It takes a while for both of them to notice you standing there, but when they do, they jump apart immediately, guilt clouding both their faces.
Daeun looks you in the eye, pleading. “Y/N,” she says, on the verge of tears. “Please…please don’t tell Minseok.”
You just stare at her in shock. Does she seriously think that you, Minseok’s childhood friend, would keep something as big as this a secret from him?
“You’ve got to be kidding,” you say, disgust crawling into your voice. “Why the hell wouldn’t I tell my best friend that his girlfriend is cheating on him?”
“I’m not!” she protests, her voice getting higher with shame. “I’m not cheating on him!”
You laugh, gesturing to both their disheveled clothes, messy hair, and swollen lips. “What do you call this, then?”
Daeun goes red with shame and anger, her fists clenching. “It’s your word over mine, Y/N,” she says hatefully, all traces of that sweet girl Minseok had introduced to you gone. “I’m Minseok’s girlfriend.”
“And I’m his best friend,” you retort. “I have been for years. You’ve only known him for a few months, and he trusts me more than anyone.”
She laughs, the sound suddenly fueling your anger. “We’ll see about that, she taunts.
You grit your teeth and turn around, not wanting to deal with this bitch of a cheater that Minseok chose to be his girlfriend anymore.
Of course Minseok would believe you - he had to. Why wouldn’t he?
“Minseok, I have to tell you something.”
Minseok nods, his eyes fixed on his phone. You sigh - he’s probably texting Daeun. Half of you doesn’t want to break his heart, but you have no choice. This is for his own good.
“What is it?” he asks, not looking up at you. That annoys you - can’t he stop texting his cheating girlfriend for just one minute to listen to what you have to say?
“At least look at me when you talk to me,” you whine. “This is really important.”
He nods dismissively, his uninterested face making your heart ache with pain. Yes, you’ve accepted that he puts Daeun over you, but it still hurts. “Just say it,” he says.
“Minseok,” you sigh.
“I’m talking to Daeun, Y/N,” he says slowly, as if he’s talking to a child. “So I’m kinda busy. Just say it - ”
“She’s cheating on you,” you interrupt, his tone irritating you.
There’s a brief silence.
And then laughter.
“Minseok, what - ?”
“Daeun said you would say that,” he says, chuckling. “I’m just suprised she was right.”
Your brows furrow, not liking the way he’s taking the whole thing. “What are you talking about? Break up with her, Minseok, she’s a complete bi - ”
“What, so you and I can fall in love and live happily ever after together?” he asks scathingly, anger clear in his eyes.
You freeze - not once has Minseok ever used that tone with you in all your years as his best friend. It hurt you - how had he known about your feelings? Had he known all this time?
“Minseok, what - ”
He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, Y/N, I know that you’re madly in love with me. Daeun told me. She said that you’d say she cheated on me so we would break up,” he looks you in the eye then, disapproval and anger in his face. “I can’t believe you, Y/N. How can you do that?”
Your eyes fill with tears as he looks at you with a glare that you never want to see ever again.
“Why would you say that?” you ask, your voice weak and pitiful. Years and years of pining after your best friend has left your heart a mess, and now, a few words from Minseok have completely destroyed it. “I’ve known you for years, Minseok, why would you trust her over me?”
He sighs, looking away from you. “Because she’s right. You are in love with me, I just never noticed because you’ve always acted like that around me and I thought it was normal for you.”
“Minseok, I - ”
“Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me, Y/N,” he says.
You look him in the eye, but when you open your mouth, no words come out. Your mouth is dry. You’re a good actor, yes, but this is the one thing you can’t lie about - your feelings for Minseok.
“See?” he says, when you’ve stayed quiet for long enough. “She was right. I didn’t want to believe it, but she was right.”
“But she did cheat on you!” you protest. “I saw her!”
Minseok sighs. “Who did she cheat on me with, then?”
You freeze once again. You hadn’t known the man she had been kissing so intensely. It had been the first time you had ever seen him.
“I-I don’t know,” you mumble.
“You’re a bad liar, Y/N,” he says. “Next time you want to try to sabotage my relationship for the sake of your own feelings, at least try to be convincing.”
You’re crying all of a sudden. The tears start to pour, but you rub at your eyes furiously. You can’t let Minseok see you weak and heartbroken.
“You’re so selfish,” Minseok says disapprovingly. “You’re supposed to be happy for me, not ruin my happiness. I really like Daeun, Y/N, I can’t believe you!”
Selfish. You hate that word.
“Selfish?!” you all but screech. “After all those years I spent with you, never confessing because I thought we would never be the same again - you’re calling me selfish!?”
“Y/N, I - ”
Pure anger suddenly fills you. You can’t believe that Minseok has just called you selfish.
“You’re telling me that after all these years I’ve been picking up the pieces of your past relationships, I’m selfish? Even if my own heart was breaking because you never saw me as anything more than a best friend?” you yell, memories of crying yourself to sleep coming back to you.
“You’re trying to sabotage my relationship, how is that not being selfish?!” Minseok yells back. He steps towards you, anger in his eyes. But you’re angrier. More heartbroken. “I thought we were friends, Y/N!”
You glare at him, shoving him back hard enough for him to fall. “I thought so too,” you spit angrily. “But I don’t want to be friends with an idiot that puts his cheating girlfriend over someone who’s been with him all this time.”
He’s quiet, looking up at you. You see regret in his eyes, as if he’s reconsidering his decision of trusting Daeun instead of you. But it’s too late - he’s hurt you. He’s hurt you so bad that you don’t know if you can recover.
“When you find out the truth, don’t you even think about running back to me. Don’t you dare.”
And with that, you turn and run, your already wounded heart completely shattered into pieces.
I’m so sorry for not posting in literally forever, guys! I’ve been so busy lately because college has been so hectic and I don’t have a lot of free time anymore :( To make up for the hiatus, I’ll try to do a few more requests tonight! I might post them tonight or tomorrow ^^ They might be a little rushed but as usual, if youre not satisfied with them, just tell me and I’ll change them! Sorry again guys, thanks for being patient!
(I hope you liked this scenario, btw! There’s going to be a second part to this!)
Note: It’s finally done! I liked writing this! <3 I’m sorry it took too long, but I’m quite pleased with the result! Enjoy! <3
There was a routine. Alexander Hamilton would always arrive before seven in the morning with tired eyes, plodding heavily his feet across the lobby. He would stop for a coffee in a shitty cafe and he would bring the hot berbage to the office, still warm and humming in his hands. His briefcase hanging from his shoulder, and his clothes clean but a little wrinkled in some spots.
He would greet the receptionist with a smile and head to the elevators. He would go up to his floor and enter his office. Then, five minutes later, Thomas Jefferson would come out from the elevator and smirk at him from his office door. The southern would occupy his place in the office across Hamilton’s, and then they both would start to work.
Along the day they would snap or fight each other. Jefferson denying his approval of Hamilton’s plans, Hamilton yelling at him to ‘sign the fucking paper’. They would fight over how coffee should be prepared like: Jefferson says with milk and sugar, Hamilton says ‘as black as my soul’. They would fight over anything they could.
And then, there were the meetings.
For anyone with the honor of being in the meetings, the fights Jefferson and Hamilton have along the day are nothing. Nothing, compared to the disastrous fights that usually took place in the meetings.
So yeah. That’s the way today started. Everything was fine. Or so it seemed.
One of you asked about my love story, so here it is, in the form of a few small nonfiction essays I’ve written about my life thus far:
Junior year of college. Late morning. Late September. “He just texted. He’s heading this way now.” My roommate Kate invited her friend from class to go with us to Mountain Heritage Day. We walked through campus, heading for the clock tower, red faced and already sweating. A boy in a camo t-shirt and matching hat strode towards us, phone in one hand pressed against his ear and a blue drink in the other. “Tell me that’s not him,” I said. “That’s him.” “I am not walking around with someone wearing a camo shirt and hat all day.” “Shhh, he’s really nice! Trust me.” And so I did, even though I wasn’t proud of my southern roots at that point in my life, and even though this boy was wearing the one type of clothing I despised most. We waited for Matt to get off the phone, Kate introduced us, and we made our way towards the fair with the rest of the crowds to look at things we couldn’t afford to buy and then spend the only money we had on the fair food, which was the main reason any of us went in the first place. Kate and I got ice cream and Matt got a funnel cake. “Do you want some?” he said, holding his plate out to me. I had only had funnel cake once before, years prior. It wasn’t something I would ever get for myself, but it looked and smelled fantastic, like a perfect warm summer day filled with uninterrupted sunshine and laughter. I nodded. “Can you pull a piece off for me?” I didn’t explain that I had a weird quirk about getting my hands dirty, and, luckily, I didn’t have to, because he immediately ripped a giant chunk off, dunked it into the powdered sugar to make sure it was completely covered, and handed it to me. “Can you pass me a piece too?” Kate said. “You can get one yourself!” he said. He was joking, but held out his plate to her for her to get her own bit just the same. Looking back, this was my first inkling that he was interested in me. “Dude, I want McDonald’s so bad,” I said. We were still eating the funnel cake. Leave it to me to not even be finished with what I’m currently eating before thinking and planning my next snack/meal. “Mmm, that sounds so good,” Matt said. “Let’s do it!” Kate said, swiping another piece of funnel cake off of Matt’s plate.
After I learned what a McGangBang was (a concoction involving two McDoubles and a McChicken and then squishing them all together into one giant sandwich), we picked up my pup Jake and headed to the park, where we walked for over an hour and talked about things that I think I have purposely pushed out of my mind because they were things I never would have talked about with Matt had I known I would start dating him soon after the fact. Going into the day I told myself that this boy would be just a friend, because I had never really had a guy friend before, but while walking in the park I think I knew: I felt more comfortable about this boy than any other in my life. It was different. Still, I didn’t push it. He went home after the walk in the park and Kate and I went back to our apartment, where we, after some gabbing, eventually went to our own rooms to study and work on homework. Later that evening I heard Kate squealing in her room. “Are you okay?” I shouted. “Come here right now!” I groaned. I was exhausted. Padding my way into her room, I knew something was up the second I saw her face. You know the one: the one your best friend gives you when they know something you don’t, when they’re so overly excited about something involving you that their eyes seem twice as large as usual and they won’t stop staring at you, and you think their smile might be permanent because it’s never changing for such a long portion of time. “What?” I said, my voice flat, crossing my arms. She patted her bed. I shuffled over, sprawled out, and stared at where she sat in her desk chair opposite the bed. While my room was plain and calm, hers was loud. She had pink wall stickers everywhere, writing on her mirror, stuffed animals lining the top of her bookshelf and wrapped up in the blankets on her bed. She had a giant flat screen tv and the newest video game system. I had played video games growing up with dad, Andrew, and Ames, but hadn’t played in well over 10 years. I spent a lot of time in Kate’s room making my character spin around in circles while getting shot at. Needless to say, I didn’t have the best techniques. “Guess who just texted me?” Kate flicked her eyes back and forth from her phone to me. “Lindsay?” One of our mutual friends at the time. A bad guess on purpose. I knew it was a boy from the way she was looking at me, eyebrows raised and head tilted to the side. She didn’t ask me to guess again. “Matt!” she said, her voice a normal pitch again. “Okay… What did he say?” It wasn’t a big deal that he was texting her. They had class together and had become friends. They texted back and forth most days, most of the time talking about the current girl Matt was trying to woo. Kate was his feminine perspective. “Quote: ‘Hey, I had a really good time today and was wondering… Do you know if Stephanie is talking to anyone?’” My entire body warmed, the heat traveling from my cheeks to my feet. I was ecstatic, though I tried to hide it. I’m sure I didn’t do a very good job. “Did you respond yet?” “Not yet. I wanted to see what you thought first.” “I mean… what do you think? And are you sure you’re over him?” Yeah, that tiny detail: Kate had originally had a crush on Matt, though she claimed a week or so prior to Mountain Heritage Day that she had decided she didn’t like him anymore, or rather, that she had never liked him, just the idea of him. “Yes, totally.” “Okay… because you say the word, and I won’t talk to him.” “Steph, I promise I don’t like him.” She held out her phone to me so I could see the screen and the text he sent. “Go for it.” “Okay,” I said, grinning. She turned her phone back and started typing. “What are you saying?” I jumped off the bed and skipped over next to her so I could see what she was doing. “I’m telling him that you’re not talking to anyone,” she said, not looking up. “Because you aren’t.” “This is so weird.” The whooshing sound of Kate’s text sounded. “Well, what are you thinking? I mean, did you have fun today? What do you think of him?” “I had a really good time. It’s weird because… I felt really comfortable with him.” I met Kate’s stare. “Like, really comfortable. That’s never happened before.” I thought back to the random conversations we had while walking through the park earlier that day and slapped my hand to my face. “Kate, I talked to him about masturbation. Oh, my God.” She paused, jaw dropping, and began laughing hysterically. “Oh my God, you did! You seriously talked to him about masturbation.” “I’m humiliated. I’m… mortified. I can’t speak to him again!” “Yes you can. Now calm down,” she said, unable to stop or hide her laughter. “He obviously likes you if he’s asking me whether you’re seeing anyone or not.” I nodded. “True, true. But still,” I sighed. “God, this would happen. I meet a nice boy and act totally vulgar around him the first time we hang.” Kate’s phone dinged in her hand. She glanced at the screen, then jumped up in her chair. “It’s him!” “Well… what’d he say?” “He wants your number.” She flicked her eyes up at me. “Can I give it to him?” “Yeah,” I breathed. “Sure.” She typed the message out and set her phone down on her desk. I laid down on her bed, stared up at the ceiling, and thought about how just weeks prior I had declared that I was swearing off boys. That lasted a good 20 minutes, I thought, fiddling with Kate’s sheets. I had met a boy my freshman year of college, and I use the term “met” loosely because he lived in Florida and the daughter of the minister at the church we were attending at that point introduced me to him. We only actually hung out in person two or three times. Other than that, it was a total text relationship. Which is fine. It’s what I needed at the time. I wasn’t ready for anything real, but I liked having someone “there” for me, if only through text, who I could talk to. After talking to him for almost two years and having nothing much come of it (mostly my fault because, like I said, I definitely wasn’t ready), and then having an incredibly ugly falling out (also via text like 99% of our relationship), I had told myself that I was going to stop trying to find a guy and was going to “let go and let God” as they say and was going to trust His timing. After all, if it was meant to be it would be. And boy was it meant to be. I got lucky, I will admit. Many people have told me this, my sister most recently and most often. Matthew was the first boy I ever really dated. He was my first real kiss. My first romantic love. My first… well, everything. And I his. We both got lucky. We both are blessed. My phone went off in the other room. Kate and I looked at each and grinned. “Yeah, you might want to go get that,” she said. My feet couldn’t carry me fast enough. I snagged the phone off my desk and jumped onto my bed, landing face first and stomach down. Graceful as ever. I read the text, responded, and saved his number into my phone. “How’s it going in there?” Kate called across the apartment. “Spectacular,” I said, loud enough for only me to hear.
He had spent the day over at my place, walking the pup in the park, laughing together while watching silly TV shows, and asking each other questions. We spent most of our time together in the beginning doing these kinds of things. There was so much to talk about, so much to learn about each other. And we’re still learning, because even now, years later, we are changing each day, molding, becoming different people, and so we continue to ask questions and learn about one another, about the one we will be spending the rest of our lives with. We walked out of the apartment together, the three of us: Matt, Kate, and myself. (Kate because I was still so nervous to be alone with Matt, even though I was getting good vibes from him and trusted him more than I had trusted any other guy before that point. Sometimes having a friend nearby can calm the nerves better than anything else.) Kate walked several feet behind us, and then several yards. “I’ll text you later,” Matt said. “And maybe see you tomorrow?” “That sounds good,” I said. “This was fun. I love spending time with you. I really like you.” “I really like you too.” We hugged and I turned to walk back up to my place with Kate. I made it halfway back to my friend before turning around. I had kissed boys before, but only a few, and only ever pecks. Also, I didn’t consider any of them to be of any importance as they were either dares or I didn’t actually care about the person I was kissing. Still, I was nervous because I knew what I was going to do the second I decided to turn back around. “Matt,” I called. He turned, holding his hand above his eyes to shade them from the sun shining ferociously behind me. “Wait.” I jogged back to him and kissed him, fast. His lips were soft and he smelled like the mountains, like home. “Bye,” I said, my voice high pitched and nervous, waving like a maniac. I ran off without seeing his immediate reaction, but halfway to Kate I turned around. He was still walking but was turned around looking at me too. I smiled, waved again, and kept jogging until I reached Kate. Our first kiss, and it had been perfect.
The night Matt asked me to be his girlfriend, we went to a Greek restaurant in Dillsboro, two towns over from the University. Before we left the apartment I shared with Kate, she took a picture of us standing by the door and we joked about how she was my stand-in mom and Matt was the guy taking her daughter out. I still have the picture: me in a black shirt with a gold, detailed tree on the front, and a red jacket thrown over top, Matt sporting a blue shirt under a blue and white plaid flannel, both of us wearing matching cheesy grins, and his arm around my shoulder. There’s another picture from that night, of me with a wine holder that stood in the corner of the restaurant where we waited to be seated. It’s a moose lying on its back, downing the wine, and I’m standing in front of it giving a thumbs up, smiling with my mouth open. The photo is blurry, probably because Matt was chuckling while he took it and couldn’t hold his phone still enough for it to focus. We thought it was such an odd decoration and were entertained by it most of the night. We’re still entertained by it now, actually. It’s still there. We point it out each time we go and remember our first time there. I ordered a tuna melt and Matt a gyro. I had gone into the night incredibly nervous, but it didn’t take long for my nerves (and stomach) to settle. Matt was wonderful. Like always, he carried the conversation, asking me questions about myself, my family, my friends, my interests, the books I was reading, the classes I was taking, and he made no comment and wasn’t at all phased that he seemed to be the only one asking questions. I prayed he knew my lack of questioning was due to my anxiety and wasn’t a lack of interest. I’m sure some people think me an egoist, but I tend to ask less questions of people in return of their questions directed at me, opting instead to observe them and learn from what they weren’t saying. For instance, someone may seem confident by the way they’re talking or by what they’re saying, but maybe they’re rubbing their hands together or shuffling their feet. We all have different quirks and tells, too. “Ready for part two?” Matt asked me after paying the bill. “There’s a part two?” I grabbed his hand and we walked out the door, past our moose statue, and towards his ‘96 Ford Explorer. It was my first time heading towards the Jackson County Airport and “The Lookout” (as locals had dubbed the area further down from the airport where you could pull off the road onto a small patch of grass on the side of the mountain). The roads, like most of the ones here in Western North Carolina, were skinny, windy, and a straight shot up with the edge of the road doubling as the edge of the mountainside. We drove up to the airport, a small airfield about three miles from town that sits on a ridge, and used the entryway as a turn around to get back to The Lookout, where Matt pulled off the road and onto the side of a mountain and I tried not to have a panic attack. I zoned back in from staring out my window as Matt opened my door for me and held out his hand. We could see for miles. We could see everything: the forest, the University, my apartment, the Fraternity house Matt was living in. It was all lit up, trying to keep up with the moon and stars above us. “So this is part two,” I said, turning in circles looking up at the sky and the world around me, feeling very, very small. “Almost,” Matt said as he opened his trunk and pulled out a blanket and some candies. “I brought this,” he said, holding up the blanket–blue and white, I saw now, with sheep on it– “in case we get cold, and these,” he held out the candies, “because I know they’re your favorites. Junior Mints, Sour Patch Kids, and Swedish Fish, right?” “Yeah,” I said, smiling like an idiot. He put the blanket and candies down and we walked to the edge together, where I was reminded of the first time I had a panic attack (also on top of a mountain) years prior, and thought about far I’d come. Look at me, standing feet away from the edge of a mountainside, not completely freaking out. (I would have started to though if I could see future me sitting on the edge of a rock face that juts out from the mountain thousands of feet up, smiling and swinging my feet.) “You know, there’s this study,” Matt began after we stood in silence together for a minute or so.” “Uh huh?” He turned me around so I wasn’t facing him and trailed his fingers in circles all over my back. “That only a small percentage of people can actually figure out what someone is saying to them when it’s traced onto their back.” “Mm, I used to love doing that with my friends when we were kids.” His fingers began tracing. I tried to focus more on what they were saying rather than how good the tingles felt and how they traveled up and down my entire body. “W,” I said, when he was finished with the first letter. “Yes.” One straight line down followed by two horizontal lines, one at the top of the original line and one on bottom. He was writing in all caps. I shivered in pleasure. “I.” “Mhm.” One vertical line and a horizontal one stemming from the bottom of the first, the whole thing repeated right away. “L. Twice. Will?” “Correct!” He traced just a horizontal line and said, “That’s a space.” Y - O - U - space - B - E - space - M - Y - I knew the last word before he began tracing it. I had known the second he finished the second word in the question. His hands became more and more unsteady as he was further into the sentence. He even “erased” a letter or two that he had messed up by rubbing his hand, open faced, all across my back. G - I - R - L - F - R - I - E - N - D - ? He paused, waited. “Girlfriend,” I said. “Will you be my girlfriend?” I turned around to face him. “Stephanie Cheryl Wooten,” he said. “Will you be my girlfriend?” I let myself have a mini freak out session in my head before saying, “Yes.”
We were making macaroni and cheese and dancing in the living room while the water boiled. Matthew and I had been dating a few weeks, and he had already told me, “I love you.” It was the middle of the night. We had stayed up kissing and talking and keeping each other warm in between the sheets. After he said it, I told him that I really liked him, and that I thought I was on the way to love, but that I wasn’t ready to say it yet, to which he understood and held me until I fell asleep in his arms. While we were dancing together though, with the water boiling in the next room and our feet sliding across the carpet, I looked at him and I knew: I love him, I thought to myself. And I think I had loved him for some time. I just wasn’t ready to admit it to myself yet, or maybe it was that I had never been in love before–not this kind of love, anyway–and I didn’t know that was what I was feeling. “Come on,” I said, pulling him into my room by his hand. I closed the door so Kate wouldn’t hear what I was about to say. It was a private moment, just between Matt and me. “What is it?” he said, laughing, breathing hard from all the dancing. “I love you,” I told him, taking both of his hands in mine, lacing my fingers through his, and squeezing. The outer corners of his eyes pinched together as he smiled down at me. “I love you, too.”
Two years and nine months after Matthew asked me to be his girlfriend, we went out on one of our typical “date nights.” Our friends and family made fun of us, dubbing us the “old married couple.” Which we were, kind of. We spent most nights together, and most days. We ate together, walked together, made love together, fought together, laughed together, played board games together, watched TV together, went to the movies together, jogged together, cried together. We were going through life together, and even if it was only for a short time, I was ineffably happy. “Where are we going?” I asked Matt as we walked to his Ford, dressed up in our summer clothes. “You’ll see,” he said, opening the door for me. When we passed the town of Sylva, I began to have an inkling as to where he was taking us. I waited until we got closer, until we passed the place where you could paint pottery, to make sure my inkling was more than that. “I knew it!” I shouted as we turned left when we were across from the Jarrett House and pulled into the almost full parking lot. “No, you didn’t!” “Mhm. I did. You’re so predictable.” “It’s our place, though.” He cut the engine and jogged over to get my door for me. “Thank you.” “You’re welcome. I love you,” he said as he laced his fingers through mine and we started up the ramp to the front door. We talked about the moose statue, per usual, while we waited to be seated, and eventually wound up choosing to sit outside on the patio rather than to wait much longer. It was warm out and the patio was screened in. I ordered the same thing I did on our first date there and, just as the first time around, it didn’t live up to my expectations for it. “Why do I keep ordering this every time? It’s never as good as I want it to be.” “I’m putting a note in my phone,” Matt said, whipping his phone out of his pocket, “reminding you to never order this again.” He chuckled at me, put his phone away when he was done, and then looked at me like he always did, like he still does, like no one ever has before. It’s a look reserved especially for me, I know, and it makes me feel like we’re the only two people left in the world. I had a feeling this was the night: the night Matt would propose to me. We’d talked of it often together, talked about what our life with one another might look like. Plus, Matt had dressed much nicer than he usually did, and he was much more fidgety. I could tell he was nervous about something. We ate on the patio, surrounded by others whom we gave stories too. “Couple behind you and to your left. Guy is in the green shirt and girl in white dress.” I snuck a peak behind me. The couple in question didn’t look much like that. They were young, around our age. The girl was on her phone, presumably texting someone else while she sat across from the boy, who looked around the restaurant like a pendulum, back and forth and back and forth, anywhere but the girl sitting across from him. “First date,” I said, turning back around. “Or… Maybe hundredth date, and now they’re bored. Or in a fight. Something’s going on there. She won’t look him in the eye.” Matt nodded in agreement as I scanned the patio. “All right,” Matt said, putting his napkin on top of the food he couldn’t finish. “Are you ready for part two?” I lifted my sweaty glass to my lips and took one last sip. “Ah, yes. Always.” Once we passed the new Health and Science building and turned onto the familiar windy road, I knew: he was recreating our first date. “The lookout?” I said. He squeezed my hand, his warming mine, and grinned, his smile warm like the rest of him. We were quiet most of the ride up there, the silence a comforting one, like the feeling you get when you sit down in your favorite chair early in the morning with coffee and a well loved book. The view was the same, but different, mostly because we were different. I was different, and so while the view hadn’t changed over the past two and half years, my view had. We look at things differently at different stages in life, I think. It’s like I can read a book and have a very specific experience, and then read it a year or maybe even five or ten years later, and because of all the different things I’ve gone through and felt, because I’m a different person than I was one or five or ten years prior when I first read the book, the second time will be completely different. And I’ll get something different out of it. We parked and stood together at the edge of the mountainside, and I looked up at the stars and crescent moon. We listened to the crickets and frogs and stood still, enveloped around one another. “Do you remember that study I told you about the first time we came here?” he said, turning me away from him. “The one you made up? Yeah. Why?” “I’ve got another one for you.” He began tracing the letters. The first few words were the same: Will you be my… W - I - F - E ? I turned around to Matthew down on one knee, holding out a black velvet box with a ring I had pointed out casually once in our local jewelry story in it. “Stephanie Cheryl Wooten,” he began. “I know I’m not perfect, and I know we have our disagreements, but I love you to the moon and back, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?” I was tempted to be cruel and say No but then really quickly after say yes, just to mess with him, but I didn’t want to give the poor man a heart attack. “Yes,” I said. “Yes.” He reached for my hand and slid the ring onto my finger, then rotated it side to side, admiring it on me. The diamonds shined almost as much as his eyes when he stood up and looked at me. Those summer sky blue eyes that had me the first time I saw them that October in 2011 at Mountain Heritage Day. I never would have thought that I would be engaged. I never thought I would ever get married, or even fall in love. I had been hurt so much by someone who was supposed to love me, who did love me, in a weird way. But then, I knew how blessed I was. I thought about the day God created us both. Did He know we would find each other? Was this His doing? One thing was certain: whether it was all God or our free will that led us here, I was grateful. Matt has the best heart. He takes such good care of me. We take care of each other. And he’s a Godly man, which I love most of all, because we lead each other closer to God each and every day. I mean, I get to hike and snuggle and read and build blanket forts and watch movies and eat good food and read and talk about the Bible and God with my best friend for the rest of my life. I am so incredibly lucky. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Jesus. I love you to the moon and back too, Matthew.
When the words left your mouth, you felt sick to your stomach. It was the absolute last thing you expected to hear. The doctor just barely broke the news to you. He walked in, sat in the chair next to your bed, and simply said, “Congrats, you’re pregnant.” You were absolutely speechless. There were no words to describe how you were feeling. Here you are, in the hospital with a list of injuries, with an alcoholic boyfriend who you refuse to see, finding out you are carrying his child. Oh fuck, Matty is an alcoholic. There is no way you could raise a child by yourself. You didn’t even want kids. Your first thought was to tell Matty, and you really wanted to. But you knew that wasn’t an option right now. Neither one of you were in the right mindset to deal with each other. So you needed to resort to your next option: George Daniel.
Your hands were shaking when you grabbed the phone next to your bed. Dialing his number, you hold the bulky thing to your ear. The line is ringing, and your nerves are out of control. It rings a few more times, and then he answers. “Hello?”
You were silent, and tears started streaming down your face. “George, I’m pregnant.”
You heard him slightly gasp. Shit, this was a bad idea. He is silent for a second, clearly at a loss about what to say. Then he says, “Okay, um, I’m with Matty. I’m going to take him home, and then I’ll come to see you.”
“Okay but George you can’t tell Matty. If you tell him it will not end well. Just hurry please,” you say.
“Okay I will. Sit tight.” Then he hangs up. Why was he with Matty? Was Matty drinking? Not that you would be surprised. This is what he did regularly. Drink when something important is going on, while you and George were there to pick up the pieces. You were so sick of this shit. You knew he was drunk. Maybe not 100%, but you knew Matty and there is nothing else he would rather be doing.
You couldn’t think about this right now. What you needed to focus on is what you are going to do about the thing growing inside of you. There were a few options: keep it, adoption, and abortion. It was good to look at all of your options, but it was clear what you were going to do. Abortion was the only solution you could see working for you. If you kept the baby, who knows what would happen. You could be stuck raising it by yourself, dealing with an alcoholic Matty. Being a mother has never been on the list of things you wanted. You didn’t have the greatest childhood, and you knew that you would never be capable of loving a child the way it deserves to be loved. And while adoption is a perfectly fine option, it’s no secret that the system was flawed, and the likelihood of actually getting adopted was slim. That leaves abortion. You knew Matty wouldn’t want a child. And no child deserves to go through what he is doing. A child does not deserve to see their parent sick.
All of this was just too overwhelming. Tears are pouring, and all you can do is close your eyes and hope this all goes away. Sobs overcome you. What the fuck were you going to do? Eventually, you start to calm down, and exhaustion kicks in. Slowly, you fall asleep.
Meanwhile, George is undressing Matty and putting him to bed.
“Matty, come and lay down. You need to sleep, because tomorrow is going to be a long day.”
Matty looks confused. “Why?
“We obviously have to deal with all of this. We need to figure out what to do about you and your problem, what to do about Y/N, and figure out what’s going to happen.”
“What do you mean what to do about Y/N? Did something happen?” Matty asks, panicking at the same time.
George tries to cover it up, “Nothing mate, just what to do about her condition. She’s fine. You need to sleep.
Matty lays down, and automatically sinks into the mattress. His head spinning, and his eyes burning, he looks at George. “I’m so sorry.”
George just sighs, “Go to sleep, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Matty then closes his eyes and drifts off. Grabbing his jacket and keys, George heads for the door, locks it, and goes to his car. Getting in, he takes a moment to gather his thoughts. Matty was a complete fucking mess, and Y/N was pregnant. What the fuck? He rests his forehead on the steering wheel. This was definitely not how he planned on spending his day. He then starts the car, and drives off.
George arrives at the hospital shortly after, and heads up to your room. Standing in front of your door, he takes a deep breath, and twists the handle. To his surprise, you are asleep. You looked so peaceful, like nothing that has happened today has disturbed you at all. He hated to ruin that, but he knew you needed to figure out what to do. He gently places a hand on your cheek and whispers, “Y/N, wake up.”
This causes you to stir in your sleep. It takes you a moment to realize where you are, but when you see George, you instantly remember. Sighing, you rest your head back on the pillow. “Great, all of this is actually happening.”
“Are you okay? Do you feel any better? Are you in pain?” George asks, concerned.
You nod, eyes still shut. “I’m fine, G. My body is sore, but it’s not bad with the medication.
“So, you’re pregnant?” George asks.
You flinch at the words. Never did you ever think you would be the one carrying the baby. “Yeah.”
George is quiet for a moment, “Do you know what you’re going to do?”
You look at him, “Abortion.”
He nods in response, also thinking that is the best option, but he didn’t want to say anything. “And are you going to tell Matty?”
“I don’t know, George. I have no idea what to fucking do about him. If I tell him, will that make him want to drink more? Because I know that right now I could really go for some vodka. I don’t even know if I want to see him again. Like how am I going to look the father of my child in the eye after all of this? What if he sobers up, I tell him, and he starts drinking again? Am I just fucked? Am I really just doomed with a shitty life? Because with what’s happened since this morning, I have a feeling that no matter what I do, I’m going to end up in the same spot.”
George is silent for a moment, and then begins to speak. “I don’t know how Matty is going to react once he finds out. I don’t know if it will be triggering from him in any way. I wish I did know, but I don’t. Want to know what I do know? That at this very moment, with where both of you are, you can’t have baby. Matty is a lunatic with a drinking problem. And if you being in the hospital isn’t going to sober him, I wouldn’t expect a baby to either. And I don’t want you to carry a baby, knowing that you could possibly be raising this child by yourself. You don’t deserve that, and a baby definitely doesn’t either. So what I’m trying to say is, you need to do what is right for right now. You can’t tell the future. So for right now, I think it’s best that you get an abortion. For no other reason than to save yourself from a life of pain.”
At this point, you were sobbing. You knew he was right. It would be selfish of you to have a baby knowing that it could possibly have to watch it’s father drink himself to death.
“You’re right, G. This is the best option.”
He grabs your hand, “I know that you are going to overcome this. Do you know how far along you are?”
You shook your head. When the doctor told you the news, you couldn’t even listen to the rest of what he had to say. He did probably mention it, but you didn’t hear it. “No, I stopped listening to him. I was in shock.”
“Okay, well we need to talk to him about how to approach this. It would be smart to get it done while we are here,” George said.
All you can do is nod. Talking about it was not what you wanted to do.
You and George sit and talk for a bit, him updating you on what’s been going on with Ross and Adam. But all he could think about was what happened at the bar. He felt so bad knowing that Matty fucked another girl while high on cocaine, but it was the last thing you needed to hear right now. You just listened, too tired to talk, but too awake to sleep.
“Okay, well it’s been awhile, I should probably go check on Matty. Are you good here tonight?”
You smile and nod, “Thank you, G. I love you so much.”
He smiled back at you, “I love you too.”
“But please don’t tell Matty I’m pregnant. He can’t know.”
And all of a sudden, a familiar voice begins to speak. “No need,”
Matty was standing at the door.
Okay guys, here is part 5! Sorry it took me sooo long, life’s been a bitch. As you can tell, I did hit some touchy subjects, but this reflects my opinions and I am in no way trying to change yours if you disagree. But thank you for reading, and if you want me to continue let me know! Also, I’ve been having some writer’s block, so if you have any suggestions, give em to me. Please. Thanks <3 -J
How can I stop getting so angry and upset about the destruction of the environment/Earth, to where it constantly bothers me to where It's hard for me to be positive about what is still left. I try to find ways to help in my own life (veganism/zero waste/not wasting/travel/etc) and I try inspire/encourage others, but it feels as it's all for nothing, because the majority of the world doesn't think about their actions, and the Earth is still dying. It gives me such negative energy & heartbreak :(
:-( i know just how you feel. it’s so frustrating to think of how we just tear our own world apart, and that nobody listens when it really is important. it’s brought me to tears, too, so i know how easy it is to feel small and insignificant when the majority of people just don’t… care. i know it doesn’t seem like much, but i want you to know that you, caring, is important.
even if the group of people who put their heart and soul into fixing the environment and eating friendlier and being smart about their actions is small, they still continue to do it, because even making a tiny *dent* is progress. and you’ll have lived your life knowing that you were good to the place we call home. not everyone can say that. don’t stop doing what you’re doing, because it is worth it. :-) that’s why i continue to pick up those tiny pieces of litter when i see them out and about - it may not seem like much at all to others, but to me, a tiny human on a big rock, it reminds me that at least i did *something.* not just one person can change the world. i know your heart is strong and feels so deeply, but remember that it isn’t all up to you alone to fix it. but - a small group of tiny humans on a big rock doing that something together? it’s never, ever unimportant. don’t ever stop trying, lovely, to make your home the best you can! channel all your negative energy into that. i hope that this can give you some peace of mind ♡♡♡