what's in my gut


“Trust your gut.” But I can’t. I can’t trust myself in any manner, because today I might not be who I really am, whoever that is. What if this is a manic whim that will pass in the morning. What if when I kiss him I’m just using him as another brick wall to slam my body against. What if my gut says slam the accelerator, don’t bother trying, shoot yourself in the foot. What if I get fear for no reason, anxiety in the sixth floor bathroom, what if my gut says stay home but my heart says go. What if my gut says check the lock again, and again, and again, and again, and, what if my gut says seven is good but did you count it right. what if my gut says leave the party nobody wants you here, what if my gut says why did you leave now everybody thinks you’re weird. What if I get a bad feeling about everyone because one person once opened me up and sewed all their bad into my pockets, what if I go with my gut and overshare a lot and leave awkward silences that stretch in wet muslin bandages over pity-frowns, what if my gut says give in and my gut says I’m worth nothing and my gut says give up. What if you’re right and I’ve been ignoring signs that keep coming and I belong in a box somewhere, un-becoming.

My mom asks me what I want. Where I want to be. I wish I knew how to want things. I wish I had one feeling I knew wasn’t just a rush or a spiral or a warning sign. Something I knew was pure. Something actually mine.

aries - justice is truth

taurus - my body tells the truth 

gemini - i know what is true, even if it changes, i know it was true at some point 

cancer - i feel what is true 

leo - what i feel in my heart to be true 

virgo - what i feel in my guts to be true 

libra - maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not 

scorpio - there is only one truth

sagittarius - the truth is that which i personally know and experience 

capricorn - i measure truth through my inner morality 

aquarius - i intuitively experience what is truth 

pisces - what i believe and feel to be good is truth 

anonymous asked:

I'm really happy to see you enjoyed the episode. I kind of hated it myself. Or at least the Emma parts. Im disappointed in her writing, and I was wondering how you see it?

The way I see it is Emma has a long history with abandonment. Like an entire life’s worth of it. And the one person she’s finally certain would never abandon her suddenly ups and leaves? After she told him to basically go until he could be who she needed him to be? It’s her ugly history of ‘not being worthy for anyone’ rearing it’s ugly head… and what’s interesting is Gideon was ready for this. He literally used Emma’s biggest weakness against her (while exploiting Killian’s last episode).

You know how even the littlest, seemingly innocuous things can set off someone’s long history with trauma (and abandonment is a trauma - one I know all too well, honestly. A big portion of my own emotional problems stem from that)? The argument between Captain Swan might not has seemed like much, but we know it upset Emma and then Killian’s just gone afterwards? No indication of where he was going, with multiple people having seen him at the docks ready to leave? That’s gonna trigger Emma’s abandonment issues. That’s gonna bring her walls right up.

You wanna know what I think was a perfect indication that she was projecting all these feelings onto this one seemingly ‘minor’ fight they had? The instant she heard Killian’s voice, her walls came down. She didn’t doubt what he was saying. She trusted him right off the start that he hadn’t meant to leave and that he never would. Because she knows that. Only her lifetime of being left behind and not being good enough clouded that and made her react in a way that might have seemed unfair to Killian. Trauma and a long history of something causing you to feel lesser than good enough is insidious. 

That’s how I look at Emma all this episode and why her reaction to the situation didn’t bother me… I hope my explanation helps a little? I’m sorry you were disappointed with how she was portrayed.

your favorite ghost by augustbird

“My hair,” Bucky says, running his fingers through his now mid-length hair. “Will you cut it like you remember it?”

Steve touches the scissors. “I’ve never cut hair–we could go to a hairdresser tomorrow morning–”

“Please,” Bucky says.

“When?”

“Now?”

Essays in Existentialism: Clothes

Can I have a little fic where Clarke always steals Lexa’s clothes and Lexa doesn’t really mind because Clarke always kisses her to shut her up about it when she asks, but then Clarke steals Lexa’s favorite SnapBack and Lexa will be damned if she gets away with that one. (I absolutely adore your writing, by the way)

Sweatshirt

“Is that… is that mine?”

“What?”

“I haven’t seen many lawyers sporting a Mets sweatshirt lately,” Lexa leaned against the counter and surveyed the comfy girl across from her in the quiet of the shop. “Even their own lawyers root for the Yankees.”

“Oh, yeah, uh,” Clarke swallowed and looked down to verify that she was, in fact, wearing a stolen piece of clothing.

Keep reading

9

Rafe Adler skin comparison - “Hell i’d say he’s (Samuel) earned it. God knows you didn’t”

Berserk mini-rant

It always pissed me off that the sex scene between Guts and Casca is cut in the adaptations, not only because is a great, deep and emotional scene that show us so much about the feelings of both characters.

But it’s also the first time we see Guts being weak, emotional and openly broken in front of other person. As readers we know that because of Guts´s inner monologues and expressions, but this time is different because there was other person there. Both physically and mentaly naked and even if at first he reacted badly (the trauma about Gambino is way bigger in the manga and parenthood is an aspect of the series that adaptations tend to overlook) then he accepts it and is comfortable with her.

The adaptations show us most of Casca´s vulnerable moments in front of Guts, ok, she is more emotionaly open (sometimes in kind of an agressive way) than Guts (sometimes because Guts himself is very very confused about his own wishes and feelings) but if they don´t show us his most vulnerable moment with her the relationship looks more unbalanced, which is a shame because it´s a great scene and Guts a very deep and well written character and not only a badass that kill things and is always cool or/and angry

Horny teenagers - Carl Grimes

HEY GUYS so I really wanted to write a smut but there is no plot so whatever is just smut and I wanted to write something like the last scene of 7x01 of TWD and I did it! I hope you like it, and remember English is not my first language and this is my first TWD smut

Warnings: smut and language

Words: 2599

Gif is obviously not mine ​

The past few hours in watch duty had been kind of a torture for me. I’ve been trying to control this since I’ve learned what it actually is. We grew up together, we’ve seen a lot of nasty things together and suddenly we were at the age of awkwardness and hormones and, apparently, mine decided to show up. I’ve been trying to convince myself that he would never agree with this and even if he did it wasn’t a good idea. It would do us no good. Well an orgasm would, though. ​

Here in Alexandria they have lots of books so I’ve been reading a lot, especially about biology – my favorite class in school – and recently I read about menstrual cycle and sexuality, there is this period when women are ready to get pregnant and that’s when you only want sex. For the past few months I’ve been trying to convince myself that I just want Carl because of this annoying period and he’s the only interesting boy around. ​

Sometimes I have this feeling that our friendship has changed in a certain way. I think it’s because of the hormones, but we’re touchier and even occasionally flirty. He has this habit of holding the back of my neck whenever we hug each other, or when I’m mad at something he rubs my shoulder or my back, he plays with my hair brushing his long and cold fingers against my ears and neck and sometimes he whispers something to me and I can’t stand that. The hot breath, that amazing voice, the way he says my name. Oh, man! I was losing it. ​

I felt ridiculous every time Carl popped in my head or whenever I decided to touch myself he would always wind up in my dirty little thoughts.

​“(Y/N), you can go. It’s my shift now.” I hear Spencer say.

​“Okay, thanks.”

​“Oh and uh… Carol asked me to tell you she’s taking lunch to Rick’s place.” ​

I nodded and left. Great, I’m having one of those crazy moments and I’m heading straight to the danger. You can do this. I took a deep breath and knocked. I heard laughs from inside and that made me happy because we were doing fine here, we were adapting at last. ​

Carl opened the door while holding Judith and gave me a smile.

​“Come in, (Y/N)” Oh please Carl not today don’t say my name. ​

The smell of whatever Carol cooked was amazing and she was sitting next to Daryl and they were gazing each other with such warmth, in a cozy and even romantic way. I wanted them to be together but right now it just made me want to turn around and look in Carl’s eye. ​

We sat down, ate and talked about the most random things. We talked about things we did before the apocalypse, we laughed at things that happened to us and we just enjoyed each other’s company. Don’t think that’s gonna happen again in anytime soon tough. ​

Then I felt a hand touch my thigh lightly, I closed my eyes trying to keep it together because from where it was coming it had to be Carl’s. I looked at him and he was still paying attention to Glenn, who was telling something very newsworthy because Carl and a few other people in the table were concentrated. He caressed my thigh going down my knee and squeezed a bit and took his hand off. Like doing that was only a reflex, part of a routine. I don’t know if he hadn’t noticed or if he was just pretending to make me confuse. ​

Later in the same day he did that terrible/delicious massage in my sore shoulders. We offered to wash the dishes, so after lunch everybody went back to their normal activities, and when we were done I made a stupid joke about the amount of plates and forks and sighed. He must’ve gotten that as a complaint because he said “relax” and then came behind the chair I was sitting and pushed my hair aside. His hands were soft and steady, it felt great but I couldn’t let him carry on with this. I placed my hands on top of his and turned my head around. ​

“Does it bother you?” If he only knew what it actually does to me.

​“It’s not that. I just – I should probably get going.” I stood up and he held my arm. I don’t know why, honestly I do know, but when he did that I instantly approached him, looking at his lips. I was unsure if I wanted him to notice or not. If I wanted him to do something about it or just ignore the fact that I was staring at his lips wanting them so badly I couldn’t take my eyes off of them.

​“Stay. We can go upstairs and read comics if you like.” ​

I can’t, not anymore. “I don’t wanna read comics, Carl.” I tried my best to make the sentence self explanatory and bit my lip. ​

“Do you – uh, wanna go upstairs then?” He clearly wasn’t expecting my reaction but he didn’t step back. ​

“Yes. Yes, I do.” ​

He was obviously holding a grin but I didn’t care. He grabbed my hand and led me to his room. The walk was kind of awkward and very silent. When we finally got to his room he closed the door and came towards me. He cupped my face and kissed me tenderly, he was nervous, I could tell. I placed one hand in his chest and the other one in his hair, it was so soft. The kiss was a little sloppy because this was our first kiss ever, I guess. It was amazing though, I just wasn’t sure of what to do so I followed my gut and I believe so did he. ​

He lowered his hands to my waist and gripped it. I let out a needy sigh and I feel my cheeks hot in embarrassment. I took the hem of his shirt in my hands and lift it, breaking the kiss. ​

“Are you sure about this?” ​

“Yeah.” ​

I ripped his shirt off and then my own. Carl looked at my breasts like they were a masterpiece, probably because he had never seen breasts before but it made me feel great anyways. I searched for his lips once again and this time he was more confident so his tongue was more demanding. He caressed my back lightly with the tip of his fingers making me shiver. I pull him closer to get some friction and I finally feel his boner and this time I moan in both pleasure and excitement. ​

Carl lays me down on the bed and kneels between my legs. He kissed my lower abdomen and came up, kissing my breasts still covered by the bra and my collarbone. When he got to my neck he gave me a hickey, probably wanting to mark me down as his and that turned me on so much I wanted to mark him too. He unclasped my bra and pulled it out so fast I didn’t even see what happened to it. Now he was finally looking to my breasts and he blinked a couple of times and said “Is it okay if I…?” ​

"Go for it.” ​

He grinned and caught one of them in his hand and massaged it. I had no idea that I was going to like Carl sucking my breast so much, when I felt his mouth on my nipple I was already in heaven, but when he sucked it was something else entirely. I wasn’t able to restrain my moans this time, they were a little loud. ​

Desperate for a kiss I pulled his hair to bring his head up, he moaned this time and I smiled in the kiss. I took off his belt and once I moved to the zipper his hand shakes a little while I brushed my hand in his arousal more than the necessary to open a zipper on purpose. Carl helped me with the jeans, picked a little package – probably a condom – and looked back at me only in his underwear and I couldn’t help but to look. I must’ve done something pretty greedy and ridiculously embarrassing because he had a huge smirk in his face. ​

"Shut up.” I said and the smirk became wider. ​

He took my shorts off and just stood there staring at me like I was his muse or something. I can’t say that I didn’t like it because I loved it but I felt a little uncomfortable. I am confident but suddenly realization of what we were doing and how I was in front of him hit me and I blushed. That didn’t stop me though, my cheeks were burning but so was the wetness between my thighs and I thought that was more important so I wiggled my hips against Carl’s to wake him up and it worked out exactly like I was expecting. ​

Carl touched the waistband of my underwear and looked at me again asking permission, I guess. Then I lifted my butt of the mattress so he could take the underwear easily and he did. ​

Carl gazed at my entire body and sighed and mumbled to himself “Finally we’re doing this.” ​

I felt butterflies in my belly and I smile, like an innocent virgin girl – which I am. I wasn’t the only one after all. ​

Carl did a trail of kisses from my neck to my lips and rubbed his thumb against my folds; I moaned and rolled my hips against his hand wanting more of that new contact. He smiled in the kiss, and I loved it. Actually I was loving every single moment of it. Carl slipped a finger inside me and curled it and took it off. Then he tried again, this time with two fingers. “Ah, Carl…” I groaned and mellow. My hands were gripping his shoulders for balance or control, I’m not sure, I just thought that if I let go I would fall. His hand were all over me making me shiver, his kisses weren’t sloppy anymore, and knowing that he wanted this too just made me feel better, maybe wetter too but that’s another case and he won’t be hearing about it. ​

He positioned himself to my entrance and gave me the look again, I nodded biting my bottom lip. Carl grabbed my thighs and spread them. He glanced to my core and licked his lips. That was so delicious to watch, it was kind of porn but it turned me on so much. He picked the condom and put it on. He pulled me down and I felt his tip in my entrance and rolled my hips to it. I wanted him to know how badly I wanted this, how horny he made me. ​

"Tell me if it hurts too much, okay?” So thoughtful, so gorgeous. I closed my eyes and nodded. Then I felt it inside me and I couldn’t hold back the almost musical moan. It feels so good, so right. He kept going slowly and suddenly I started to feel this strange ardency and I let out a painful moan, it wasn’t exactly hurting but the surprise and the little burning sensation were enough to make Carl gaze at me worried. ​

"It’s okay, you can carry on. Just keep the pace. I’ll be fine.” ​

He pushed a bit more and the feeling was still there but I tried to ignore it and Carl helped me a lot with that. His thumb came back to my clit, just up and down movements and he kissed me passionately while he pushed more. I was feeling the ardency but it didn’t matter because Carl was touching me so much, giving me so much, paying so much attention to me I couldn’t even process the pain. Carl was all over me, literally. In my mind, in my body, everywhere. ​

Once he was completely inside me with his eye closed and he sighed, he stopped and looked right in my eyes, he didn’t take his hand off my clit. The bad sensation was almost gone by now. “Are you okay?” ​

I grinned at him “Never better.” ​

He smirked and pulled it back slowly. It was a torture for him I could see in his eye all the effort he was putting into this, the self control and I smiled like an idiot. His thrusts were still slow and I think he was shaking a little. Just a little but he was. ​

I wasn’t completely comfortable yet but I was ready for this and his pace was making me impatient, I get that he was being nice and I love him for it but he could make this good for himself. So I rolled my hips a bit so he would understand that it was okay for him to go faster and maybe, just maybe, harder. ​

He picked up a good pace. It was faster but not too fast yet and it was so intense, it could be only me although his expression was showing that he was loving it as much as I was. His thrusts were getting faster and I was getting there, finally I was taking it all. This was so good, the pleasure was so intense and overwhelming. His sweaty body and his heavy sighs were giving it the best background ever. I think I’ve never seen such a sight. I let out a loud and full of joy and pleasure moan. He smirked at me because this was likely the most inappropriate moan ever. ​

I couldn’t stop them now, they just kept coming loud and awkward and hot, apparently. I decided to do something different for a change, I rolled my hips and caressed my body going down my clit and touched it for him to see it. ​

"Fuck, (Y/N)! That’s so hot.” ​

I smiled widely and arched my back feeling a delicious ache in my lower abdomen and feeling like there was not enough air in my lungs and the strength was leaving my body and I needed desperately to grip something – that something were Carl’s shoulders again – then I felt like I was falling apart and pleasure and relief hitting me like a truck. ​

"Oh God, Carl!” That was almost a scream, thank God we were alone in the house. ​

My orgasm show was enough to bring Carl his own, and again was an amazing scene to watch. He moaned loudly and let his elbows clench a little, falling on top of me. He was breathing heavily and he was all sweaty and that was so hot. I felt his heart beating so fast in his chest and I grinned satisfied. He threw himself in the bed and took a deep breath. ​

He seemed so tired but he was smiling so hard it was creepy. Us smiling wasn’t something easy to see. That made me even happier because I made him smile, I was smiling, we were satisfied and that’s all we need. ​

"That was fucking awesome!” ​I laughed at his excitement. I turned to face him and his eye was piercing. He was so handsome I couldn’t think properly sometimes, like now.

​“We can do this again sometime, if you want to.” I said a little scared but mostly confident that he would want to. ​

"Can ‘sometime’ be now?” he said with a smug smirk on his face and I laughed again. ​

"Okay, loverboy, just give me a few minutes and we’re back on.”

Originally posted by journeyslegend