Some musings from Kate...
So I wrote a super-tiny little thing, but I don’t know if it will actually fit anywhere in the chapter that I’m currently writing. Maybe it can be a small introduction to the chapter - I’m not sure yet. But I’m sharing it now, just in case it doesn’t make it. 😊
It gives a pretty decent glimpse of what’s going on in Kate’s head, and from it I think you can infer that it will cause problems.
The poor girl is so damn terrified of having her heart ripped out again that she’s not even letting herself hope.
Ed has his work cut out for him.
I sometimes over-think things. OK, that’s an understatement. I often over-think things. I’m a worrier. My brain often insists on being an asshole, and tries to ruin a good thing. Ed and I are a Good Thing. We’re a Really Good Thing, actually. I know this now, and I knew it then. But something - maybe a lack of confidence, maybe remnants of depression, or maybe something else - was causing me to question things and to worry.
I’d recently surprised myself by thinking - practically assuming - that we’d be together at least long-term, if not permanently. It just snuck up on me, as if it was a fact that was already there, and I just had to discover it. But when I did discover it, my brain went into full Protective Mode, reminding me that we’d been dating for less than 2 months, and had only been physically together in the same location for a fraction of that time…reminding me that we were still getting to know each other…reminding me that we lived on different continents…reminding me that he was famous - a celebrity…reminding me that I had familial responsibilities - my children were my first priority.
And then I felt doubly-ridiculous for even letting those initial thoughts of permanence take root. I ‘knew’ Ed couldn’t possibly be thinking in those terms. We’d never discussed long-term plans. At that early point it just didn’t make sense.
I was such a fool.