what you gonna do

During a 5e one-shot I was in a few months ago, the party had to protect a village from a goblin horde and do some other stuff I don’t remember. After attacking the goblins in a large cave a while away from the village, they reach the village gates being chased by the goblin horde, when this happens:

*please note, our fighter was a new player who wasn’t taking the game really seriously at the time*

Fighter: Alright, I got a plan, I’m gonna distract them so you guys can get inside safely!

Everyone else: Alright thanks! 

DM: alright, what’re you gonna do to stop these goblins from attacking?

Fighter: I’m gonna whip out my dick and shock them with its awesome size!

DM: … Alright then… *fails saves for entire horde* oh god… wanna roll for size while you’re at it?

Fighter: Heck yeah! Check out this natural twenty!! *crit fails*

The entire part is bursting out laughing now, and the DM keeps it going

DM: The goblin horde stops dead in it’s tracks as you whip out your dick and start to laugh uncontrollably

Fighter: F*** YOU!!

DM: A few of the goblins begin taking out theirs to show you what a real dick looks like.

Fighter: *death glares at everyone, especially the DM*

DM: Now a few townspeople are laughing! And members of the guard too!

*DM mocks the fighter, doing several voices for every NPC who’s laughing at his tiny wiener*

anonymous asked:

can I ask for some jinson and/or jackbum fic recommendations (if you read them) pleeeeeease ily

 oF COURSE!!!!!! tbh i read anything that looks good (aka everything) as long as it’s got7 haha

let’s start with jackbum ye?

Big Hearts -702 words

Summary: “Jackson is a fucking ten years old” (( jackson makes jaebum a card and it’s heart melting))

Just Smile Again -5063 words

Summary: “Jackson’s been lowkey nursing this crush for years, but he never meant for Jaebum to ever find out. Mark and Jinyoung have other ideas. Also, they’re terrible friends.” (( kinda self explanitory haha its really cute ))

I’m Cooking With Microwaves -859 words

Jackson wants to cook for Jaebum lmao (( look all of these are gonna be cute what do you expect from me ))

Sharing (read:Stealing) Clothes - 669 heh words

Summary: “Jackson is way too fond of wearing Jaebum’s clothes and Jaebum has no clothes to wear.”

Sleeves - 5642 words

Summary: “Jaebum had had a system. Ignore the feelings, certainly ignore the craving. Take whatever Jackson was voluntarily, willingly giving and enjoy the close friendship. It had been a good system. It had been a working system. Until it was wrecked. Until the pink and white sweater happened.” (( READ ITTTTTT there’s a sequel that’s rated M and hehehe yeah its the greatest pls read it ))

5 am - 930 words

Summary: “Jackson comes home super late/early after drinking with his friends and Jaebum happens to be awake still.” (( lots of cuddles and drunk!jackson ))

I’ve been looking for the answer (I couldn’t see that it was right there) - 348 words

the title is longer than the fic but it’s just the right amount of short and sweet and it will take like 2 seconds to read jsut do it

Are You Afraid Of Horror? - 515 words

Summary of the summary: jaebum wants jackson to get scared but he gets scared instead and yessssss it’s beautiful 

Just Right - 431 words

Summary: “Preppy sweaters and snapbacks don’t go together, but Jackson makes it work, and Jaebum is kind of in love.”

His Bark - On Going ( 32+ Chapters ) Rated M

ok this is literally one of my favorites right now so i really really recommend it. umm jackson is kinda like a hybrid?? it’s hard to explain asklfjl just check it out it’s great

Originally posted by jackbumworld

Okay on to Jinson haha otl 

Trapped With You - 10650 words

Summary: “Jackson and Jinyoung have been at loggerheads for months. It takes freezing temperatures and an abandoned warehouse to cool things down.” (( this is honestly so good really ))

Wanderlust - 1695 words

i didn’t even know it was that long wow.. it’s really really well done and i have no idea how to take it lol just read it it’s great

15 Reasons Why - 3894 words

Summary: “Jinyoung and Jackson are neighbors and they pretend to hate each other and constantly bicker and fight, until Christmas Eve, when Jackson leaves a present on Jinyoung’s doormat…” (( not too christmassy so don’t fret.. it’s soooo good and i love how junior was written aslfkjs ))

Pinky Promise Me Your Ring Finger - 7045 words

Look ok they’re childhood friends in this and jinyoung is so clingy and it’s the freaking. cutest. thing. ever. read it like right now

Reach Out (And Touch) - 546 words

Quote from the fic which is all you need to know: “jackson smiles and leans back, wraps his hands around Jinyoung’s waist and pulls Jinyoung back into his chest.” (( honestly i cried ))

Never Shut Us Down - 13200

MY FAVORITE THING ON EARTH aka fan x idol fic mmmmM Fansitemaster!jinyoung and idol!jackson and it’s great and amazing and askjflsfkla read it

Anyway i’m sorry this took so long to reply askldfj i’ve been eh lazy sorry haha bye

Originally posted by marchtwentyfour

p.s. if you guys want more recs im happy to give them but make sure to give me specifics ( either the ship or the au or the rating ohohoh )

thesaltydarius  asked:

Perhaps rather than for Cal alone, why don't you make an ask blog for you, cal and everyone else?

yep,thats probably what im gonna do so i dont spam this blog with myself and everything else other than undertale uvu 

so this blog can have more undertale

invertedworld replied to your post:Izuru and Rose drinking super expensive wine, and…

is it bad im just thinking about kensei and love drinking lukewarm beer on a tattered couch inside the garage sorry but the bourgeoisie cannot win rose should look out

the both of them shaking their head at all that expensive stuff,

all like

“what are you and Izuru gonna do next?? throw diamonds out of the window??”

2

One Dance was playing on the radio and you couldn’t help but dance along and maybe sing some parts. It was Drake! How could you ever ignore him? It was also a catchy tune.

“I need a one dance, got a Hennessy in my hand”you sang along. Steve looked at you and then pulled over to the side. “What are you doing? We’re gonna be late to the party”

“You can walk. I cannot focus with you in here”said Steve, getting out and opening your door. You got out and as soon as he got back in, he drifted off without saying a word.

“Thanks for my dance!”

[x]

anonymous asked:

Calvin Harris is the definition of problematic. Yet I love him so much. He just stresses me. -_- Did you see the pic of him with Kim Kardashian?

Yeah but what are you gonna do. Y'all should’ve known everything was cut off with Taylor after he unfollowed her the second time. That was like her third strike with him. She doesn’t care. He’s washed his hands of her. Why is what he does now still being associated with her. He’s “free”.

anonymous asked:

what do you have against cgl blogs?? is it gonna kill you if they think your toy pictures are cute?????????

I don’t care if they like my blog or reblog its totally okay. Its just a lot of the people I reblog from add things to the pictures that says kink blogs can’t interact….

anonymous asked:

Hey Marvel if you don't want rumours about the X-Men's demise maybe stop trying to replace them????? Seems to me like your shitty treatment of the characters that kept your company afloat for years is what makes people think that's what you're gonna do.

tea!

anonymous asked:

Call out ask @ u for being too awesome

                                 M e ?

Ah jeez, you’re too swee t ;;; This was really unexpected so thank you ?? i’m gonna fuckin g punc h myself what did i do to deserve this i am but a lowly meme.

Me: wow so it’s gonna be tough to pay rent the next two months and my ancient car needs repairs

Me: what am I gonna do here

My brain: you could just, you know, shove your whole face in the blender

Me: …okay…well, that’s one option…I’m just gonna figure probably something else out

unto-myself-together  asked:

Eulalie. Does Dorian not know that you. . . ?

Eulalie: *Winces and makes rapid cutting motions under her chin*

Dorian: That you what, Mother?

Eulalie: *Immediately turns her hand up to pretend she’s fanning herself instead* Lordy-loo, it’s roasty-warm in here!

Dorian: *Arches a brow* What did you do?

Eulalie: Started a billiards night with some of the local ladies. Tremaine… Ursula… Such a cheat with those tentacles, but what’re you gonna do? The current best shot is actually the Fairy Godmother. We hold it every Friday night. You’re invited to join, you know. I always love having my baby boy around! *pinches his cheek*

Dorian: *Leans back* N-no, thank you.

anonymous asked:

Ok! since it is okay to hate entire groups of oppressed people based off of what they do, i now dislike trans girls and would not give a shit if you died. what are you gonna do now, slit your wrists because i said that?? boo fucking hoo you started this yourself

anon hates trans women confirmed #self harm /

9

“I hope people half my age and twice my age will listen to my music. I want it to live forever and for my audience to feel like they have a friend in my music.” - Hunter Hayes

inspired by [x]