I don’t know what to say, just thank you so much for following me and being such sweethearts, i just love you all so much and you’re such an important part of my life now, I don’t know what i would do without you. If you ever need something my ask box is always open or you can PM me if you want!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOF THE LOV-E OF MY LIFE! I genuinely don’t know what I would do without you. You’re the social glue, the one who can always make me laugh when I need it, the one I can always count on and the one who is so painfully easy to make fun of. You are one of the only people I know who would come all the way from new york just so I didn’t have to go to a hell wedding alone, and so many of my favorite memories from the past two years have been with you between concerts and random trips to other cities. Thanks for everything. Thanks for being you. Happy birthday my dear. I lov-e you💝💜💘 @lov-eswift
<b>dan:</b> "what do you regret about youtube" everything lol<p/><b>also dan:</b> man,,, i just,, LoVe youtube u kno??? i am so glad i found it,,,,,..,.,.,.,., what would i do without it. youtube is the love of my life.<p/></p>
you know i’ve been on this earth for 24 years and have never once in my life thought about what mr. clean would look like without any eyebrows yet here i am. up at 3 AM removing fucking mr clean’s eyebrows from his stupid face.
I saved this back in 2013 with the biggest smile on my face. My best friend since first grade & the other half of me had always worried about what life would be like without each other. I read it and my heart felt so full, but I giggled when I saved it, thinking that we would never ever have to worry about this.
Growing up, he struggled with finding out who he really was. He felt most comfortable running around with a shirt off and spiked hair flirting with girls. We both got weird looks because that little kid, who clearly looked like a boy, was actually a little girl Michelle. I didn’t mind the weird looks or the silly talk. This was my best friend & they could dress and be however they wanted. As time went on this got more and more difficult. The voices got louder, especially from family. He didn’t feel accepted. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. He wanted to be a boy, but he wanted friends and family more for awhile. He tried to make sense of all of it. He tried to dress girly and do whatever it took to not feel like his family was disgusted. But the more he hid behind who he was “supposed” to be, the more miserable he got.
April 2015 Michael decided he didn’t care anymore. He, after years of us talking behind closed doors about it, decided he was ready to love himself instead and medically transition. We would get excited about weight gain, drops in voice, and things coming together to feel like he could breathe in his own skin. His family, though, decided it was necessary to cut off ties. This along with issues at work, loss of friends, and no other trans person to talk to about his experience helped spin his depression and anxiety even faster.
There were multiple suicide attempts. It seemed like the same routine every month or so. But on January 20th, 2016 things went different. I got the call I feared for since we were 15 years old. His overdose and the week of him being hooked to ventilators threw me into shock. It was like I was staring from the outside in and watching my world crash down in front of me like some sort of drama/horror film.
I watched my best friend take his last breath on January 25th 2016 while he was surrounded by myself and his family that, still confused and disgusted, sat there wondering how things could have went so wrong. They blamed it on traumatic events in his life, they blamed it on the hormone injections, & they blamed it on each other.. I wished that I could use every bit of air in my lungs to bring him back, but looking around at his family I understood why he was ready to go
To anybody trans, anybody close to somebody trans, or anybody dealing with suicide (whether it be yourself or somebody close to you): don’t leave those who love you to fight for you all alone. Hold on just a little longer. You might think ending your life will “make people finally see” but in his family’s case, it didn’t. It has been a year and I’m still trying to figure out ways to keep fighting for him, but it’s so much harder without him here. You all deserve happiness. It might take years to achieve it, but there are people out there begging for you to stay, even if you don’t see it. Things can get better.
This big text from my best friend was saved when it was sent, while I giggled and knew that we would never be in the situation he was talking about.
Here I am, 3 and a half years after the text sent & a year after his suicide, understanding that fear of his & wishing I could just talk to him. I understand why he wanted to leave this cold world, but I wish I could have him within reach just for a bit once in awhile to know he’s okay, to tell him all of the good&bad since he has been gone, and just to tell him I love him until my lungs give out.