what would i mix this with

anonymous asked:

whats the weirdest exo collabs that you want?

what do you mean by weirdest? like interpretive dance ft kai and taemin weird or straight outta left field weird i.e. wendy and ricky martin having a station song together?

im gonna go with both lol so:

- kyungsoo and hyunsik from btob because they’re childhood friends and they sing so GOOD AND THIS COLLAB WOULD BE SO GOOD AND THE VISUALS ANDDNDNDKJDSN LIKE I WANNA SEE KYUNGSOO AND HYUNSIK INTERACT DURING PROMOTIONS IT’D BE SO GOOD

- you know what? let me be 2012 stan trash and just say a btob x exo collab, AND let’s add bap into the mix too binch bc bts vs exo?? i only know bap vs exo and i wanna see a stage that plays that up irl (let’s also add: vixx, aoa, exid, jj project, the whole 2012 debut squad lmao)

- i never knew i needed pcy and tinashe until it actually happened and now i need more

- let sehun have his white girl fantasy come tru let him collab with tswift even tho i’d never listen to it i’ll support it from afar bc sometimes sehun deserves to have his thing for white girls fulfilled i mean miranda kerr is married

- on a real note, i’ve always wanted a baekhyun and taeyeon duet bc their voices really would suit each other, yet, we can never have that can we

- minseok and dongwoo AGAIN PLEASE

- jongdae and adele lol like high register + low register, it’d be so nice

- i want an exo red velvet collab

- SHINEE AND EXO!!!!

- YALL REALLY THINK I’VE FORGOTTEN ABOUT JONGHYUN AND JONGDAE IN SM THE BALLAD BECAUSE I DIDN’T AND I’M NEED IT IMMEIDITALYE

- maxstep but replace luhan with yixing and add more ladies pls

- ALSO ANOTHER GOODBYE SUMMER BY F(X) FEAT D.O.

- literally the danceline of sm to kick my ass together, namely seulgi also jongin, perhaps yuri as well

- DEAN SINGING WITH ANY EXO MEMBER LIKE?? FOR REAL

- on a huge unrelated to exo side note: i’ve always wanted boa and britney spears to do a collab 

- last but not least a junmyeon solo, perhaps him singing ballads or showtunes or just, lullabies that you play on rainy days i love his voice he deserves more lov :(

anonymous asked:

Emma, you already went to see dunkirk? Did you like it?? Is Harry an important character?

So in my personal opinion, they were all important characters. For me, what I enjoyed about the movie was that nobody stood out too much - more or less, they were all equally great. There were some characters that were barely seen at all or that barely spoke at all that had a huge impact, and there were some characters that were seen quite a bit and that made a more subtle impact consistently throughout the film, so in the end, it was like all the actors made a roughly equal contribution, if that makes sense. I don’t think the film would have been as good if you removed any of them from the mix, and I don’t think any one character (or even two or three characters) carried the film. I felt like it was truly an ensemble cast in every sense, and I really loved that about it.

gaming-legend  asked:

How do you discover an art style? I moved over to pixel art but its still not clicking with me correctly.

Mod: Well, to be fair, I am more than likely to change up my art style as much as I please. It has a lot to do with the fact that I am a self taught artist. By mimicking the various styles I would see on tv and in books. What I did was try to mix and match small pieces.

The way one artist drew hair with the way another artist drew eyes. That sort of thing. And then, taking all of that, I would also try experimenting with the My Little Pony style as well.

My art style was initially a mish mash of things.

The more I experimented, I was able to come up with my own unique style.

It’s semi-realistic with a pinch of my little pony… I think

nineteensixteen-theears-thekids  asked:

What are some stan-out features fromt he NG?Not like, bravery/kindness/beauty, but like, my friends have picked up on the way I eat apples and how I always shake my legs a lot and how I always have my hair in a bun. So, things that mark each of the kids, for example, Lily bites her nails to the flesh cronically, or Hugo always always always has a green cloth with him on his pocket? Thins their friends always think of when they think of them or that would be caricaturized in a cartoon?

The grammar in this is so mixed … some things are of the form “eats apples” and some are “eating apples” so I apologise in advance lol

  • Ted: When he had a cold he did a horrible loud sniff that everyone could hear, right up until he was 23 and Victoire threatened to dump him unless he quit doing it // tapping his fingers in a rhythm on his leg or if he’s holding onto a pole on the bus // ever so slightly moving to a tune in his head when he’s alone // his forehead crinkles whenever he smiles
  • Victoire: If she’s hanging out with her friends or sitting in a room she’ll see life through a metaphorical camera lens and look around until she finds the perfect shot // between 15-20 she has a slight frown/tenseness with one of her eyebrows // likes to sit with her knees up, especially in class // doodles by creating puzzles and then solving them on the side of her parchment
  • Dominique: She did ballet until she was 14/15 and so unconsciously pushes herself onto the tips of her toes when she’s standing still // breaking food into little pieces // has a haughty look on her face without meaning to // perfectly clean uniform at all times // the last person you’d expect to play sports but whenever she does she becomes a completely different, happier person //without realising it, tosses her hair sometimes in the same way some people roll their eyes
  • Louis: Rubs/itches his face like an animal cleaning itself // smiling at everyone he passes with a massive beam on his face // when he yawns, he stretches his hands to the sky and his shirt always lifts up so you can see his stomach // cocks his head on the side when he’s trying to figure something out // his blue eyes go really wide when someone comes to him needing to talk about personal problems, because he’s trying to understand // strange smell of burning follows him wherever he goes after the age of fourteen // if you see him, also expect to see Lorcan close by
  • James: Using his head to throw his fringe out of his face // rubbing his stubble when he’s thinking // pushing his glasses up his nose with his thumb // calling to friends from across the Great Hall/massive crowds in a way that certain boys do // leans back on his chair with his hands behind his head and feet propped up on the desk // went through a phase of putting his school tie around his head // randomly throwing a smile someone’s way even if he doesn’t know them (which freaks them out because … what the heck is he up to) // beginning most sentences with “Hey, did you hear …” and spreading some gossip
  • Albus: Raising his chin to look through his glasses more squarely // smells of animals // rests his arms and head on a pile of books when he’s taking a break from work in the library // the catchphrases “Merlin, I wish I’d slept through this lesson”, “I should’ve stayed in bed this morning” // absent-mindedly straightens his notes or parchment when he’s listening to someone talk
  • Lily: Sticks her wand through her messy bun to carry around // that stubborn, hard look that Ginny sometimes gets // when she’s bored in class she starts writing out a letter to her penpal Lysander // never tucks in her school shirt // the constant nagging from teachers in the hallways to straighten her uniform out follows her wherever she goes // has a bounce in her step, so her walk isn’t all one level but rather up and down
  • Rose: Almost-permanent charcoal smudge on her nose // at a party she’s immediately dancing on the balls of her feet // always wearing denim // says “I’ll pray for you” when her friends are being morons and actually means it // stands on her tip-toes in the corridors a lot to look for Al – most students aren’t surprised now when they see this red bushy head of hair popping up over everyone else’s // always with a large group of friends around her // eating breakfast in the hallways as she walks to class with Al, so she can eat it with him
  • Hugo: Constantly rearranging/straightening things whenever he’s still // glaring at Lily but being most comfortable when she’s around // he has a different laugh sound when he’s with his guy friends // talks with his mouth full if he’s super hungry // loves roast chicken // sometimes has this pompous note in his voice when he’s lecturing his cousins (an action also associated with everyone around him rolling their eyes) // jumping down the last few steps of a staircase instead of walking them // smells of lemons
  • Molly: Every so often she’ll completely stop and then her eyes will go wide and she’ll take a deep panicked breath before carrying on as normal // cat hair on every single school jumper // never wears make-up // when she’s got a lot on her plate she’ll drag her fingers through her hair and do a screaming face without making any noise // doing a complete Percy on the first day back of term with the whole “First-years follow me … excuse me, I’m Head Girl!!!!!” // pretty much always seen with a younger student at her side who she’s helping that day
  • Lucy: Entering a classroom and accidentally bringing in a pile of leaves with her whenever she’s been hanging out with Hagrid // every so often closes her eyes to meditate but she does it anywhere and everywhere // eyeing up people’s outfits to get fashion inspiration or see what clothes would look good on them // when she’s shocked she brings her hands to her mouth // green eyeliner when she’s in her school uniform // plays with her hair when she’s bored/concentrating // every single one of her weekend outfits has paint spilled somewhere on it
  • Fred: Does this thing at the dining table where he’s propped up with his head in his hand and he’s half snoozing and half eating // Thestral burgers are his delicacy of choice // smells of a strange mixture of cake and fireworks // Weird Sisters hoodie on all the time // always instigates passing notes in class // hides low in his seat when a teacher is asking questions so all they can see is a shock of red hair at his desk
  • Roxanne: Permanent sly grin on her face // wears her hair in a side ponytail // chews gum // scuffs the toe of her trainers slightly when she’s waiting for someone // humming the same song all day // Muggle boy bands from the 90s (i.e. when friends hear them on the radio they instantly think of Roxanne) // when looking at something in the distance, she squints her eyes and opens her mouth slightly // constantly being seen with friends who are boys but never seen dating any
  • Lorcan: Doodles on his friends’ arms when he’s bored // winks at any girl who walks by // talks about how hot Victoire is a lot // stares up at his long fringe when he’s thinking as though he’s examining it for something // rolling his sleeves up no matter what // kicking pebbles that appear in his path //  leaning back on his chair
  • Lysander: Blushing under his floppy fringe // baseball caps // leaning against walls with one leg at a triangle with the wall (so his foot’s on the wall) // ALWAYS sits up straight // 99% of his wardrobe is plaid shirts // eyeing his friends and using his internal idiot-radar to suss out if they’re up to no good
  • Scorpius: Absent-mindedly sketching comic book characters on spare bits of parchment, before crossing them out because they’re rubbish // does funny impressions of teachers a lot // when he’s listening/working, he sits with his legs apart (standard guy practice) and leans forward with his elbows just touching his knees, so his arms dangle towards the floor // quickly runs his fingers through his hair, pushing it back from his face

old1ddude  asked:

I'm very often humming, whistling, or singing a song to myself - more often than not, lately, one of Harry's. I was singing his version of Ultralight Beam and suddenly imagined it without guitars, or drums, but a massive pipe organ. I wish I had the tools to record my idea, but I can hear it very clearly in my mind - it would work. Part hymn and part a Bach organ adagio mixed with Harry's bluesy singing. Thoughts? Thanks so much!

I have an ask about what songs Harry should sing on Live Lounge, and honestly I am thinking about a lot of bluesy songs for him. I think he would do such great Talking Heads covers– because his aesthetic is just off-beat enough, he’s just quirky and smart enough to do it. I also want him to cover The Smiths, maybe Smokey Robinson and Norah Jones (Come Away with Me).

I think his voice sounds tremendous with any acoustic instrument. Why not pipe organ? Gospel-like. Talking Heads’ Burning Down the House, Psycho Killer, or And She Was.

warriors3333  asked:

Slau's design is very unique I love him. What color is he gonna be?

I would imagine he would look something like this? A mix of purple, red, and pale greens.

I have remade Slau 8 times already. So the colours may not stick……I am very unsure about him overall.

The only set thing about him is his character background *Laughs*

Thank you for your ask. It is nice to have people interested in these characters.

tobbles  asked:

what's the difference between mansplaining and info dumping?? because honestly I See No Difference and i'm worried that my info dumping will come off as mansplaining..

Mansplaining as I understand it, is a feminist concept of a man over explaining something to a woman that she already understands. Like, if Sid came up to me and started condescending to me about Overwatch. Like, yes, I already understand that Sid, thanks.

If a woman is giving a presentation and a man thinks he has to present it for her, it’s what you would call “mansplaining”. If woman is giving a presentation and a man wants to discuss it with her, giving her ample room to explain what she thinks and not talking over her, it’s just talking. And if a man approaches a woman and just starts talking a bunch about his SI, it’s an info dump.

I have extremely mixed feelings about mansplaining as a concept, I think the words dumb, I think there’s a lot of things that could be misinterpreted, I think people take it way too far and persecute people with it sometimes. It’s also got a really ableist edge to it because some people, esp on the spectrum (I’m guilty of this) don’t always realize when they’re being condescending, but, I also understand that condescension through a perceived lens of superiority could lead to really bad stuff and I’ve experienced things like I guess what you could call “mansplaining” before.

No Toby, you info dumping is not mansplaining because you’re not being condescending about it. If anyone tells you it’s mansplaining, they’re ableist.

theload  asked:

Have you settled on what levels of hybridizing you think is acceptable, or not yet? I think at the very least closely related species would be able to mix, sort of like in real life.

I’m still trying to figure it out.  Like, we’re at the point where hybrids are just gonna be a thing - classical mythology is just too rife with it to completely ignore, and if Mass Effect taught me anything, it’s that having multiple sapient species will result in interspecies boning no matter how PG you want to be.

anonymous asked:

Sandeul A, F, G, I, M, V, Z kjsngkjfgn bye

*cracks knuckles* i’ll do my best

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex) 

Seriously, the sweetest - will not always pull you close instantly as your bodies may be sweaty, but would love lying face to face with you and reach out your hands to stroke your cheek. Wouldn’t talk much about what just happened, but rather saying little things like “you’re beautiful” or “you’re amazing”

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

I seem to be really bad with this point as I often mix it with location, but I think he would like the spooning position a lot as he gets to be close to you and it’s very intimate to him  

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

I think he would be quite serious most of the time. I don’t think he is the time to want casual sex that much, to him, it’s more like making love and it being a phycial way of showing his affection. He might giggle if you make strong facial expressions though

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

As I said, I think he sees it as making love - but there wouldn’t be something really cheesy like lit candles or rose petals. It’s just important for him that both of you are with each other in the moment

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

He’s one of those that would be really turned off by you being completely casual. If you’re sat reading while wearing pajama pants and a cosy hoodie, he’ll be completely lost as it reminds him of how much he loves you and especially your soft side

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Being a vocalist, I think he might be quite noisy, letting out strong moans of pleasure as he feels himself emerge in the situation

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

After his sweet talk and small signs of physical affection he’s pretty much ready for sleepy time

I really don’t think people who aren’t Autistic or who don’t struggle with sensory issues understand that when it comes to certain stimuli, those things provoke actual feelings of pain, nausea, disgust, discomfort, etc for people that are Autistic/have sensory processing disorder.

Take “picky eating.” I was labelled a “picky eater” even as a little toddler. I couldn’t eat sauce, tomatoes, or have my food touching other foods. People said stuff like “She’ll grow out of it” or “She’ll eat it if she’s actually hungry” or “Tastebuds change; she’ll like it when she’s older!" 

But the fact was, if it was a food I couldn’t eat, I literally couldn’t eat it. I’d try to eat lasagna and start crying, and gagging, and I’d have to spit it out. Guess what? I didn’t "eat when I was hungry” if it was one of those foods, I just didn’t eat. This was especially an issue when I started going to school and daycare (I eventually got a note from my doctors that detailed my Autism diagnosis and sensory problems, so that the local kids center would provide me with alternative meals. They treated it the same way they did with kids with allergies, basically.) 

Also, I didn’t “grow out of it.” I still cannot eat tomatos, sauces, and most mixed food dishes. Because I just can’t even make my mouth chew and swallow without gagging and spitting the food out. Just a couple months ago I went to grab some chicken wraps from the local taco place, and I asked specifically that they hold the sauce. But they didn’t, so when I took a bite I got a mouthful of pain and chucked it right into my napkin (gross, I know. I’m making a point here though.)

So when Autistic people, or anyone with a sensory processing related disorder, tells you that they cannot handle something-whether that means being touched, wearing certain clothes, being around noise, or eating certain foods-remember what I just said. That’s how it feels, when people willfully ignore our reminders and warnings about our stimuli and triggers. That’s what you’re doing when you touch someone when they tell you it hurts them, or make them wear that suit or outfit, or put sauce on their food when they politely ask you not to. Granted, overload is different and presents differently in everyone, but bottom line-you’re choosing to disrespect someone’s boundaries, and their medical issues, and you are hurting them when you force certain stimuli on them after they’ve asked you to stop. Just respect people, and don’t shame people for not being able to handle or do the same stuff other people can. 

bigboss-did-nothing-wrong  asked:

a funfact i like about plants is the fact that they also have a circadian rythm just like humans or animals which is especially good to observe with mimosa pudica

OK OMG DUDE

NOT ONLY IS THIS TRUE BUT THERE WAS ONE DUDE IN LIKE THE 1700S THAT DESIGNED A CLOCK THAT ALLOWS YOU TO TELL THE TIME BASED ON EXACTLY WHEN DIFFERENT FLOWERS OPEN BECAUSE SOME OPEN AND CLOSE AT VERY EXACT TIMES OF DAY

HE ACTUALLY OUTLINED IT VERY SPECIFICALLY OF WHAT YOU WOULD HAVE TO PLANT TO GET IT TO WORK

some botanical gardens have tried it but it always has mixed results because there are so many variables (geographical location, weather, etc) but it works in theory!

4

stylized fur tutorial. thanks for the question! i’ve been getting quite a few requests regarding how i paint fur, but honestly even i don’t have a set procedure for it yet orz

still i thought i would take a few moments to randomly blob out a clump of fur just to see for myself what techniques i’m using right now. so for brushes, i generally like using the watercolour ones. i have two atm, one set to a larger min. diameter (with high ease of mixing), and another set to a smaller min diameter (with low ease of mixing and high load colour).

  • (1) i use the smaller brush first to sketch in the general fur shapes, they’re pretty big at this stage, we’ll be adding in smaller clumps later
  • (2 - 3) using the larger watercolour brush now, i blob in a few shadows - keeping in mind the light source. i then select a lighter colour and make the brush smaller to make the definition between the light and shade sharper.
  • (4 - 7) now i take out the smaller brush again and refine the edges and points! i also use it to quickly add extra tufts of fur and then i’ll switch back to the larger brush to blend the new tufts in. and i basically keep doing this until i’m satisfied with the level of detail.
  • (8) i adjusted the levels to make the contrast higher. you can do this to make the character blend into whatever environment you’re painting them in.
  • (9) added colour with an overlay layer! although tbh i usually paint in colour to begin with in most of my drawings. but overlay/add layers are still super helpful for creating nice lighting effects and interest! you can add highlights and rim lighting at this stage too~

hope this was helpful!

Moon Emoji Reviews

apple, producing the classic new moon with a face. he has such a smooth face, with baby like skin, and eyes as deep as the ocean, its hard to not get lost in his forever gaze. if you stare too long though, you will swear you can feel his human lips brush against your ear. 7/10


google’s interpretation is very friendly, welcoming. his big round nose reminds me of a papa cartoon character, and is, therefore, very easy on the eyes and lovable. although the eyes are a tad blank, and frightful. 6/10

microsoft takes an interesting take on the moon - it appears to look more like a stale cookie, or like spongebob’s parents. his feline type nose throws me off… hes throwing mixed signals… this is not a moon, but a beast of the night, taunting, lurking. 4/10

samsung… oh samsung… what did you do? you’ve turned microsofts cookie moon beast into a cgi monster, with soft features, similar to that of apple’s. maybe this would be better if he didn’t have those patronized glints in his eyes. 3/10

LG has taken an interesting turn. this moon is… curious… and content, but you can clearly see the pain behind his eyes. his eyes are deep. lurking. a man of mystery. 5/10

what a happy face!! i feel delighted to see this moon on my screen. he is doing great, but not quite giving off the look that this emoji is supposed to represent. he is wonderful though anyways. 8/10.

what an interesting buddy! Facebook has taken a different path, while taking time to accentuate each and every crevice and curve of this moon’s surface. a beautiful boy, with caressing eyes. 7/10

a very calm moon. i feel calm looking at it. it is doing a wonderful job on conveying the night times sleep appeal. it is not doing a great job as the original emoji purposes, but is conveying a different emotion entirely. what a beautiful and intricate boy. a work of art. 10/10

i didn’t think there could be a better moon emoji than the original, but i stand corrected. what a 🌚  emoji. the empty stare takes the cake. 7/10

mozilla does a nice job at creating a unique yet form fitting moon face emoji. nothing to call home about though. he looks too eager to be here… what is he planning… 4/10

… an… interesting… take… terrifying, yes. calming, also yes. i’m not sure how to feel about the immense detail upon this ones face. a solid 5/10 should be okay… although i know that i should give this emoji a higher rating, or else it will come to me tonight and look at me through the window, open mouthed breathing, gently fogging up the window glass around it.

SWEET CHRIST ALLMIGHTLY WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS THYIS. THIS IS NOT A MOON I CAN TRUST. THIS IS NOT A MOON I CAN RETAIN EYE CONTACT WITH. 0/10!!!!

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Kickstart My Heart Bath Spell

Summertime always reminds me of love.  Some of my favorite romances of my youth were spent pining over certain someones throughout the months of June, July, and August.  So, if you are looking to boost your confidence and open yourself up to some of that feel-good, prepare yourself before a night out in this bath!

YOU WILL REQUIRE:

  • 1 cup Epsom Salts
  • Petals from 1 Rose
  • 2-4 drops Vanilla Fragrance Oil

SPELLWORK

1.  Combine all your ingredients.  I actually used a food processor to make sure all of my ingredients were finely cut and mixed.  The petals were sliced into beautiful tiny pieces and the salt remained intact.  (I would suggest keeping this concoction bottled for up to 6 months before making a new batch.)

2.  Prep a warm bath.  I drop a couple of scoops in (because I am extra), but for a sufficient bath, I would say 2-4 teaspoons worth of our bath salts.

3.  Soak for fifteen minutes.  Relax, shut your eyes, and focus on the stream of consciousness that occurs when thinking about love, what you want in a partner, and what qualities you want them to possess.  I would also suggest visualizing all the positive aspects you could bring to a potential relationship.

4.  When you are ready to get out of the bath, recite the following incantation:

Salt, sweet vanilla, and petals of rose,
open my heart to passion’s fervent throws.
Allow entry of romance, love divine!
May my sweetheart hear this call of mine.

5.  Drain the bath and pat dry.

I hope this helps on your journey to love, romance, and passion!  Much love!

3

Me, before reading Nobuyuki’s route: Haha, how terrifying can he be?

Me, after reading Nobuyuki’s route:

He has some serious yandere vibes……….

I think a lot about the “other” jobs in the Wizarding World. Specifically I think about the time the Weird Sisters performed at the Yule Ball.

Like.

Are there wizard techs? Do they use magical microphones? It would make sense to, rather than just using ‘sonorus’ because then they could be connected to a magical soundboard for specialized magic mixing. And what about their instruments? Are they like muggle ones, or entirely different? Are there magical amps? And are there witches that specialize in lighting charms for special light shows? Is there a magical equivalent to laser shows? And someone’s gotta make sure it all runs smoothly: witch stage manager, with an actually accurate quick quill. And a pyro-wizard. Do they all just show up ten minutes before a gig and magic the stage up together? or are there Union wizards for that? Do they wear black, or disillusion themselves so they won’t be seen? Or does it matter, since they’re all magical?

It was a September foggy morning when we met. I caught your eyes and something inside me in that very moment just knew you were trouble. Maybe because you held that cigarette in a certain way, or maybe was the way you used to pronounce my name, always in a low tone, like you were tasting every single syllable in your lips. It made me shiver and it made me uncomfortable, and something along the lines of getting out of my comfort zone for a while made you just irresistible.

You told me you weren’t nice to people because when you are you get hurt and fucked over, I told you I had the same problem. And then a month later, I broke down my shell for you and was nice, I showed you I actually cared. I guess that was my mistake, because you were no different from the rest. I guess you were so scared of being fucked over you decided to screw me over instead.

And there was this day when I woke up and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I stood there in front of you, shaking as I gathered up all of my courage and asked, “Do you hate me?”

You gave me that stupid, skeptical look. “Of course not.”

You looked into my eyes with those beautiful amber pools, the ones no one had ever bothered to notice except me.

“You’re always so kind to me.” Those words shot through my heart like an arrow. Tears started to spill down my somber cheeks.

“Then why are you always so cruel to me?” I whispered. Then it hit me. Like a truck, right through my heart. And in that moment my brain knew, what my heart just wasn’t ready to realize.
I loved you. I saw the future, the brightness and the fireworks.

You kinda liked me. You saw the milky skin, the soft hair and the red lips.

The edge of your lips tasted like desire catching fire.

And mine, like a mix of true love and a sweet romance.
You never wrote me poems. And I am still writing about you.
We were never in love. We would fuck in you car or on your bed where others girls had been or in the shower or while I was crying.

We saw each other naked so often I have the image painted on the back of my eyelids. You ripped my underwear off. You always liked me more when I was vulnerable. I woke you up with kisses, you woke me up with hickies.

And for a long time, I thought they were the same thing.

I asked you once while we both got drunk why it was that I could write novels about you until the words got tired of being anagrams of your name — but at the same time you would never reciprocate. You took a sip of your drink, blew a smoke ring and broke it with your finger.

“Dunno,” you said. We would fuck again later. And that to me, was the closest I was of being loved, adored, liked, worshiped even. But it was not even close to that.

It was carnal, pathetic and almost disgusting. Those are the only adjectives I can give to our so called relationship.

“Is it a crime to be halfway in love with someone?” I used to ask in those drunk moments, the tears I would never let you see, always stinging.

“Can I still feel something for you, after we told each other everything. After you betrayed and lied and never listened to me?” You would meet my eyes, looking confused as if you never promised anything, and it was true, you never did.

“You don’t have to feel anything. Maybe it’s better if you don’t.”
I did messed up all the lines from the Great Gatsby. I fell for all the wrong reasons. You had a green light smile with a gun prodding the center of my back, and I was so lost in your senseless acts that I, for a long time, thought it could be close to love.

And my love for you was like a penny. It wasn’t much, but it’s all I had, and you threw it on the ground like it was nothing.
I craved that side of you that you didn’t show to anyone else.
You only craved the parts of me that was exposed to everyone else.

I said I loved you.
You said that the difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.

To sum up, I saw someone worth falling for, you saw a body and a potential fuck.

I once found you sitting on my floor staring at a picture from when I was young.

“God,” you said, “I really fucked you up.” And then finally, my last words, “I hope it hits you like a truck every time you hear my name that you never fucked me up. But how badly you fucked us up.”

And like that, you broke the heart. I never even knew I had. I remember talking with my best friend once I left you. She asked if I really were in love with you.

I had never realized that, after all you’d put me through, no one had ever even asked me that.

Within milliseconds everything came rushing back to my mind. I thought of all the 3 am conversations and secret shared glances in the hallway. I thought of how I opened my heart to you and let you in like I hadn’t done in a really long time. I thought of how you ripped it straight out of my chest and tore it to pieces. I thought of the 3 am tears shed into my pillow and the texts left unopened. I thought of how you broke my heart, and how you were the first person to ever do that.

I closed my eyes as four of the most important words I had ever spoken were about to come out of my mouth.

“No, no I wasn’t.”

I decide then that love is a terrible, terrible thing. Loving someone as fiercely…must be like wearing your heart outside of your body with no skin, no bones, no nothing to protect it.

And loving you? That was impossible. You were worth a fuck, not a lifetime story.
—  By unknown
Adding to canon is not the same thing as destroying canon

At San Diego Comic Con, we learned that Sonequa Martin-Green’s character, Michael Burnham, is Sarek’s adoptive daughter. The second I heard the news, all I could think was, “Let the hate begin.” And boy, did it ever.

I understand the disappointment, particularly with fan fic writers who invested a lot of time and effort into crafting stories that fit neatly into canon. Amazing how one sound bite can bulldoze right through decades of widely accepted fanon, huh? 

Let’s be real, those little behind the scenes moments are almost the entire point of fan fiction: some of us like something so much, we like to imagine all the things the writers didn’t tell us, but now Michael Burnham has come along like a square peg in a round hole, rendering countless stories AU that previously adhered perfectly to canon. Some of mine included.

But fanon isn’t canon. One might say, “How come we’re just hearing about this now?” Surely Spock would have mentioned having an adoptive sister? But would he? Would he though? 

No one had any idea he was engaged to T’Pring until the Enterprise showed up to Vulcan on Spock’s impromptu wedding day in the TOS episode, “Amok Time.” What was it he said when Lieutenant Uhura asked who the lovely woman on the viewscreen was?

If you watch closely enough and get creative with your interpretation, I swear Christine Chapel mouths the word, “bullshit.”

And no one knew that Spock had a strained relationship with his father until that time dear old Sarek hopped on Enterprise for the Coridan admission debate in the TOS episode, “Journey to Babel.” Kirk urged Spock to go down to the planet and visit his family before they left orbit, and what was Spock’s reply?

I can’t think of a better example of where Spock made Kirk look like a total asshole.

And then there’s the fact that Kirk had known Spock for decades before finding out he had a half-brother named Sybok in Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.

You would think Kirk would be used to Spock family bombshells by now.

So if anything, the idea that Spock had a secret adoptive sister actually feels more in keeping with canon than going against it. Given the weight of the evidence, I wouldn’t be all that shocked to discover he had three step mothers and a whole nest of secret love children drifting around out there.

The other thing is, as viewers, we tend to get into the habit of thinking that if a character doesn’t specifically address something on screen in front of other characters, other characters are in the dark along with the viewers. Like if a character didn’t explicitly announce some detail about their personal life to the world, not only did it never happen, it never could have happened. And that’s just silly. Think about this: Kirk, Spock, and the rest of the crew spent five years together on that mission, and we only got to view a little less than 66 hours of it. So imagine all the conversations in the mess hall we as viewers missed out on. Not only that, many of those details would be fairly trivial anyway. 

Going back and adding to canon is not the same thing as destroying canon. Star Trek, particularly The Original Series, was always more focused on exploring the galaxy and meeting new civilizations – its primary purpose wasn’t to flesh out complicated life stories for each of the main characters. When you think about it, there’s so much we don’t know about Sarek, Amanda, or Spock’s upbringing. Almost everything we do know about this family comes from two episodes – “Journey to Babel” in The Original Series and “Yesteryear” in The Animated Series.

I think because we spent more than five decades without any concrete ideas of how Sarek and Amanda met, what Spock’s formative years were really like, or how their family dynamics worked, we just filled in the blanks for ourselves. But fifty years is a long time for the lines between canon and fanon to start getting blurred.

So I’m actually tickled pink at the thought that Spock had an adoptive sister, not furious that they’re corrupting more than fifty years of canon. It would be tampering with canon to claim that Starship Troopers is actually some kind of prequel to Kirk and the starship Enterprise. That would be destroying canon, but writing in a sister for Spock where one previously didn’t exist isn’t quite the same thing. 

Would you like to know more?

The writers of the show are just doing what we as fan fic writers do all the time – filling in the gaps. You’re definitely allowed to feel however you want to feel about it. And I do understand a lot of the dismay and shock. It really sucks to pour your heart and soul into something, polishing it for months or even years until it’s perfect, and then have Michael Burnham thrown into the mix and it almost feels like a bad Photoshop job over your favorite family portrait, ruining your origins fics for Sarek/Amanda or Spuhura or Spirk or Spones or Spotty? (Is that actually what the Spock/Scotty ship is called?). It’s perfectly acceptable to say that Michael Burnham’s existence has ruined your perception of canon, but I don’t think it should be confused with ruining actual canon.  

During the Comic Con panel, producer Alex Kurtzman insisted they have a good canon explanation for why Spock never mentions Michael. He was quoted as saying, “We’re aware [of the situation]. You’ll see where it’s going, but we are staying consistent with canon.” So I’m inclined to keep an open mind and see where they take it before dismissing it outright for being “too ludicrous.” Weirder things have actually happened within the Trek universe, so try not to let this revelation get you down.