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natgeo Cinematography by @PaulNicklen // At the northern tip of Vancouver Island, British Columbia—not far from my home—the wild Pacific shows her colours both above and below the ocean’s surface. In the unending process that is ocean conservation, it’s easy to become disheartened. When the bad news becomes too much, I travel to this beautiful location and stick my head under the thin blue line to remind myself what we are striving to protect, and I get reinvigorated. From the seafloor to the tips of the trees, the sheer beauty and the biodiversity of the Pacific Northwest overwhelms in the best of ways. 

My mother always said “You attract what you desire”


In my years of life, I’ve come to learn this.




That being said, when I saved gigabytes of buff anime dudes onto my phone (for purely platonic motivation I swear), I should have known getting a super fit instagram model to ask me for help with his cosplay and offer to gym with me was inevitable.

We love you Dan! I am so proud of him for his latest video where he really opened up. His video really touched my heart because he helped me become the person I am and just hearing what he’s gone through reminded me that no one is perfect and even the people who help us through tough times have their own problems and everyone should remember that.

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skam-fest (balloon squad livestream): TRANSLATION

disclaimer: we dunno danish. huge shout out to @maksisskambackwards for norwegian-english translation for the boys and Håkon. (they didn’t want credit and I said hush) grammar fixes by me ;) 

Everybody introduces themselves. And Håkon says that they’re still producing and thats why everybody couldn’t be there. Håkon likes Eskilds character the best.

Mutasim: Hei hei. My name is Mutasim and I play Mutasim. And I don’t know what else to say. My favorite character is Chris - girl Chris. Good actress.

Cengiz: should I introduce myself? I’m Cengiz, its like Ghengis Khan. (pronunciation of his name) I’m 19. And turning 20 today. No yesterday. What else should I say. I’ve never done any acting before. So this is very new for me. But its very fun to be here and speak before you. My favourite actor is many actually. I think like Håkon over there that Eskild has been really good. Chris. Really all, many are good. And I also think Vilde. Of course I like all the characters. Sana is a really important character. I support all of them. All my colleagues are great.

Simo: Hi, I´m Simo and I´m Sana’s brother, Elias. My favourite actor, I wanna say first everyone is amazing. But if I have to choose one it would be Sana.

Yousef: My name is Yousef, and I play Mikael. My favourite character is maybe Even. An (unpredictable?) character.

Adam: Hi everybody, I’m Adam and i play Adam. I’m 18 and really an artist and suddenly I’m an actor. My favourite is Jonas or Marlon. I’ve known Marlon for many years. We used to skate together and are buds. And one day he was like, “Adam I’ll be in this new show on NRK,” and we were like,  “okay… Is that cool?” And it was really fun to watch how it turned out.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

How do you stay focused and motivated all the time?

Hey! I’ll start by saying I’m not focused or motivated all of the time. I have days where I procrastinate a lot or blatantly put off actual work. I’ll have times where I really don’t want to study and feel extremely unmotivated. Everyone does. Even people who run studyblrs. I think my main trick is being disciplined. I’ve run a studyblr since 2014 and in that time I’ve really worked on my discipline. I have learnt that things just have to be done - be it assignments, studying, or readings. I have to do it otherwise I’m letting myself down. I have always hated the feeling of regret so that in itself motivates me to try as best I can. I don’t want to let myself down or let my parents down. I like to achieve. Again, I think everyone does. I feel satisfied when I see ‘disctintion’ or ‘high distinction’ on my results and that really helps. Discipline really falls into staying focused and motivated. If you can improve your discipline, just little by little, you will get there. Try forcing yourself to do a bit every day. Even if it is something small. Reinforce something positive for completing it. Another motivation is having my studyblr. I like to document what I’m doing so I can share it on here or my Instagram. My blogs kind of become accountability partners in that sense. It is definitely worth trying if you don’t have one already! As I’ve said my motivation dips every now and then. You just have to try to push through. Obviously, having motivation makes it ten times easier to study but it is so important to learn to work without it. These few posts might help you gain some much-needed motivation:

As for focus, this is something that, again, does take time to master but you can certainly takes steps to improve. My biggest tip would be to remove all your distractions. This could be either your phone, computer, or things on your desk. Time management and productivity apps are so great for keeping you off your phone. I currently use an app called Forest. It gamifies and rewards my time with a little tree. If I use my phone, it will die! It really helps me to stay focused. I’ll see that I’ve got 5 minutes left of that study period and I’ll think “okay, it’s just another 5 minutes..keep going!”. If I don’t use Forest, I will sometimes timelapse myself. I find it so cool to be able to watch it back and see everything I’ve written or typed in a quick video. I love sharing them on my blogs too so it’s great! I don’t want to stop recording so I’ll just say off my phone! For your computer, there are apps that block websites. Forest as a Chrome and Mac extension but apps like RescueTime, StayFocusd can stop you going on Tumblr. I have a post on productivity apps here including paid and free for iOS, Android and Mac. Another thing I’ve found works best is having two accounts on my laptop. One is for university work and the other for blogging. I don’t have any social media logged in on my uni account so I can’t just check a site for a minute because I’m bored. Honestly, probably one of the smarter things I’ve done without intending too haha! I think most computers have the option to create a second account, so have a look. Like most people, I get distracted by stupid things like my pens! When they’re on my desk, I sometimes just end up looking at them or fiddling with them. If I catch myself doing that I will put it out of my reach so I’m not tempted again. Another thing I’ve been trying is externalising my thoughts. If I get distracted by something or have a “gosh, I need to remember that” moment, I will write it down. By getting it out my brain and onto a bit of paper, I no longer have to think about it and can continue. One final thing I sometimes do is listen to music. If I’m downstairs working it can get noisy if my family is around. I will usually play the ‘deep focus’ playlist of Spotify. Other suggestions are gaming or film soundtracks. Their intention is to be something in the background but distracting enough to pull your focus! YouTube has loads of compilations so check there!

I apologise this is a really long answer but hopefully it’s informative! Remember to take small steps! You’ll be able to control your focus in no time if you keep practising. It’s important to stay positive as well xx

I wasn’t a strong believer in love. After countless times of falling for people to only have them break my heart. Or to have them not want me at all. I’ve tried my best to stay away from love, but failed miserably when I met you. After months of talking to you, I grew more fascinated with you.

I didn’t understand at first how I felt being around you. Still haven’t comprehended how I’ve managed to feel so safe and comfortable around you. How hesitant I was at first, but decided to shrug it off because I saw how different you are.

You and I just connected so well. And I’m scared as hell to lose you. Because whenever something good happens in my life, there’s always something else that comes in and takes it away from me. Nothing this good has ever stayed long enough. And honestly, without you, I don’t know what I would do.

You’ve become so important to me. I would do absolutely anything for you, and I would do everything to make sure you are happy. Because seeing that smile of yours every day has given me the strength to keep going.

What I’m trying to say is, I’m so lucky to have you. And the love we share, is so beautiful and true. And I don’t ever want to lose that either.
— 

S.V//@Sempiternal.poet on Instagram

One month with my love.

On April first, it’s been 16 years since the first marriage of two people of the same gender. Yes, the Netherlands was a progressive country back then, and the honor was for Job Cohen, the mayor of Amsterdam and a personal idol of mine, to become the first public official to wed same-sex couples. Always good to celebrate and remember what we have achieved, but also to see that it has only been 16 years. Love is love.

For more of my work; I’m @neetje pretty much everywhere, or @neetje.nl on Instagram. 

anonymous asked:

wait what does kyungsoo have that other's dont?👀

!!! ok so this is gonna be really long bc like there’s gonna be a lot of pics and translations (all of them are from @fydk-translations !) but here it is, the one thing that ksoo have that others dont is….

Churro King’s ultimate love and support!!

okkk so i’ve been thinking about it and how ksoo’s basically one of their most loyal customers like?? apparently it started by one of kyungsoo’s fansites sending kyungsoo some churro trucks since like aaages ago back even back during his cart filming

i actually have no clue when this was

cart filming!! 

during its okay its love

okay aNYWAY…. i think ksoo must’ve taken a liking of them?? bc as we know he started to order them for basically like EVERYTHING but it started to become really apparent ever since he ordered one for sehun and baek

ok so i wont be posting anymore pics of the food trucks but what really got my attention is their instagram caption everytime churro king updates. at first it was just simple information about the food truck and how ksoo sent them you know but i think as time pass…. they got fonder of ksoo……… like……… their captions…… are so sweet….

like that time when exo prepared food for exo-l and then ksoo prepared churros

‘we love you #DoKyungsoo’ ‘We are always supporting you #D.O.Best’ uh?? i wrote the caption

he sent like a lot for his film projects but honestly their instagram captions are like the best thinG????

like during his shooting drama for positive physique he sent one but he doesnt want anybody to know its him so they went all

like… bro…. same i would be upset too

and then during room no7 ksoo reserved the truck for two days

‘We are even fonder of him …… from Cart til now’ ‘whenever he or EXO appears on TV, we stop to keep watching’ my heart??? burst???? tears????

after two times being sent in churro king went for room no7 set again…. BC SEHUN SENT THEM!!!!

smh sehun only gave them 1 hour to prepare and i know that its probably like a customer satisfaction thing that they actually need to do it but ‘It’s not for just anyone after all, but Kyungsoo’ DAMN BOI!!! ME!!!! SAME!!! ‘You’ll be up late; have strength to the end.’ *shaking* i….. i ghost wrote it…….. every night i thought of this……….

and during with god filming, ksoo sent one in too when he actually finished his parts of the movie. apparently here, they were reserved for both room no. 7 and with god and….. look at this gem……..

THIS WHOLE PARAGRAPH!!! THIS WHOLE, look at this!! ‘He’s really quite delicate and warm’ uhm yes ‘His message of encouragement was concise, and the design simple like it. But his warm heart is quite clear in the short message.’ this!!!!! !!!! thiS WHOLE SENTENCE basically summarizes ksoo, that he’s a man of few words but you always know he has good intentions and he says what he needs to say. honestly….. this warms me so much like………. i dont even know how to explain it???

HONESTLY, churro king truck…… they love ksoo…… they love ksoo SO MUCH theyre basically an EXO-L they first got called in from fansites to support ksoo but like a dream come true it’s ksoo who started calling them…… they got closer to ksoo, getting to know him, getting fond of him………… and like wow for real ult goals…. and seriously thanku so much for churro king adklfs this might seem really funny but jokes aside they take good care of ksoo so thankyou a lot:(((( wow:((( my heart hurts

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jacksonwang852g7: This is my first single ‘Papillon’. The inspiration came from a movie that I watched when I was really young. I’m trying to bring out a message that we shouldn’t limit ourselves. Don’t be scared to takes risks, follow your dreams and even if you do fall, don’t have regrets. Aslong as we can say we tried our best.
Firstly, I want to thank my crew, Team Wang for having my back since the beginning. Thank you JYP, for always believing in me. And our IGOT7 for always showing so much love and support. 🙏
Thank you #Jacky for loving me who i am, standing by my side no matter what happens. Also the two people i love the most, my mom and dad.
This is all coming from love. I believe we can all differentiate what is real and what isn’t. I’m so blessed to have my fans and supporters. You guys motivate me to work harder and to become a better person/artist. 🙏

It makes my skin crawl when I think of every time you’ve had the stomach to lie to me, to smile in between my lips and laugh in my ear when you’ve done the same to someone else. I feel my heart sink to the floor, I hear it rip every organ on the way down. How many times have I told you to tell me exactly what happened? Whose hands went where? Who sent who pictures? Who touched who first? The wave of pain that I still feel simmers for weeks, months even; and only when it finally feels like my world is in place, the slightest tremor, the slightest shake, dismantles the whole thing. It dismantles me.

It started off with confusion and then I slowly started to put it together. I took it in piece by piece knowing that I’d burst with resentment eventually. I looked at you with a smirk on my face because I was too hell-bent on retaining my pride but my eyes were too wet to see through.
And then came the rage.
And then came the sadness.
And then came knowing that this might be the last time we would ever be this way. Suddenly I wanted to feel every part of you again just once more; partly to show you what you would lose and what you traded our years for, and partly to have something to hold on to when ‘we’ become nothing more than a fleeting thought.
You know, maybe you are my karma. But I promise to be yours, too.
—  Karma // n.b.

anonymous asked:

in that video on instagram where you say anime and then recoiled at how it sound... i have never related to something so strongly before

my tattoo artist tried to talk to me about naruto while doing my naruto tatt and asked what the show was about so i said animated ninjas fight other ninjas and one of them with a nine tailed demon inside of him wants to become the hokage while saving the world plus his best friend and in that moment i kind of died inside at how dumb it sounded out loud but then i decided who cares im weird and love animated gay ninjas and everyone needs to know

We discovered the cutest little wizarding/fairytale themed cafe in Northampton yesterday- @themagicbeanemporium. Everywhere you look is something magical, amazing hot chocolates, great toasties and mini jenga on every table. Breakfast dates with my babe are becoming our niche and really taking the edge off the Easter Holidays! Would you rather go out for breakfast, lunch or dinner and why?? (Genuinely excited to see what you all say which is a bit sad haha) ☕️🍯🍞🍳 http://ift.tt/2oWM52F

Huge pet peeve

Watching 90 Day Fiancée (*Unhappily* Ever After) and at least two of the guys initially met there now wives on Instagram or other social media where these gorgeous women had posted lots and lots of amateur sexy modeling pictures. And they say things like “I mean, a lot of what drew me to [blank] at first was how beautiful she was” … which is not even well disguised code for “I liked her boobs and butt so I’ve paid thousands of dollars to go meet her and get her to come here so my online sex doll can be a REAL LIVE GIRL.” Except, suddenly when their sexy online model girlfriends get here, they want them to become demure, covered-up housewives. It’s “not okay” for other men to look at them. They definitely shouldn’t be doing sexy modeling any MORE, I mean MEN on the INTERNET might LOOK AT THEM.“ In these guys minds, you can SEE them thinking "but, I bought her a plane ticket and conned her into marrying me…so now I own her!” And yet it’s the women who get trashed for being slutty gold diggers. To me, the men are absolutely worse, they essentially (in their minds - not mine) bought beautiful, sexy women online but now they’re surprised and offended when those same women are beautiful and sexy in real life.

Originally posted by es0ciety

My Very Unpopular Opinion

Ok so I very recently caught up on the manga for My Hero Academia and in terms of ships, the most prominent one that is mostly seen is Izuocha with both sides having confirmed crushes on each other. 

Now while I love that pairing, Kacchako is the one that pulled me from the beginning due to the fanbase and the dynamic and it has become one of my OTPs overtime (which that’s a different story in itself so I won’t go into that now).

Of course, when you go to the Izuocha My Hero Academia subreddit or even talk to some individuals on this website/Youtube, the common thing that you see is a good mix of people bashing the ship (mostly on the subreddit and instagram tbh) or a majority of individuals of who like it but admit that it won’t be canon.

Unfortunately, I’m part of the latter BUT I do believe that with excellent writing and a supportive fanbase behind it, Kacchako CAN become canon, if not romantic then at least in a platonic way. 

Now comes my unpopular opinion: Most people put the blame on Katsuki because of his brash attitude for it not being able to work but I actually believe it’s Ochako making the ship not work in its current canon form.

Here’s what I mean. 
Let’s start with Blasty Mcsplode Katsuki.

From what we know, Katsuki is brash, spoiled, obnoxious, and is really horrible at keeping people’s feelings in check (example would be with Izuku) and loves a good fight. The biggest thing though that he is so egocentric that he doesn’t bother with anyone’s names except for All Might, Deku, Kirishima, and Uraraka.

I mean look at this, he goes from NOT knowing her name:

Tooooo

(and if that doesn’t satisfy you, he also repeats her name in the databook which I can’t find right now but this lovely post shows that very well <3)

I also would like to point out this scene in the fight that I think people skip over a bit:

And then we have this scene that is notorious for his face towards her fall

Then we have this scene

Which most likely promoted this scene

Now, where I am I going with this?

Judging from the scenes I have shown, here are my thoughts:
1. He knows Uraraka by name (which she is the only girl we know as of now that he calls by name
2. She provided a good enough fight for him to have his guard up
3. He has comes to to terms with her strength and acknowledges it to the point where he doesn’t believe she is fragile.

With these scenes combined, I personally infer that Uraraka is the only female AS OF NOW that he truly acknowledges and “respects” since I don’t see him behaving this way towards any of the rest of his classmates (er Kirishima is probably the only other one), especially the females.

In regards to Kacchako, this attitude towards Ochako is the perfect setup on his end to have something with her, romantic or not. His brash attitude would obviously calm down by the time that would be set up, though I’m sure Ochako would refine the edges of his attitude as lovely fanfic writers have shown in some stories. Regardless of his personality, he has the perfect setup for the “ship” that would grow with more interactions and set up a platform for him to base his actions upon.

So Katsuki is good on his end. But what about Uraraka?

In terms of Katsuki, she most definitely acknowledges his strength, which is why she pushed herself to the max to try to to beat him and even thanked him for not putting his guard down

She definitely respects his strength and it can be shown from the databook that she finds him to be at least a “cool” opponent. 

In addition to that, she is also surprisingly in tune to how he feels. When Kirishima and gang wanted to save him when he got captured, she was on point by saying 

Which was shown when they rescued him and he said he only came along because he didn’t want to be in All Mights way (which I can’t find the scene right now) but this scene (which proves Bakushima as a valid ship) gives a similar vibe:

So if Uraraka is in tune with his personality and respects him as an opponent, why do I think Uraraka is the reason the ship can’t work with the current canon given?

I think its mostly due to her feelings for Deku.

Ok ok no surprise there but its honestly what’s making the ship not work. Katsuki’s personality really doesn’t have much to do with it but rather her feelings and attitude towards Deku.

Because she has a huge crush on Deku, her love and admiration for Deku is off the charts. The respect she has for him is immense in comparison to others (image the feeling you get when you have a crush and there ya go). Not only that but she is not stupid. She absolutely knows about the relationship Deku and Katsuki have and she most definitely isn’t too fond of it, which possibly slightly ruined the image of Katsuki in general for her since he is a bully towards her current crush and best friend (hence why you get the silly fanarts of them flipping each other off). While she does respect him, she still has this animosity in her heart knowing that he bullies the person she cares the most about. 

HOWEVER, Ochako’s end CAN be reversed with what I said earlier: good writing and a supportive fan base! In regards to the fan base, oh its definitely here and I can tell you its strong, especially with a ship with that doesn’t have too many moments but its present and more active then the Izuocha tag, which definitely says a lot. AX had a gathering this year and for pairings Kacchako was one of them so its definitely not an uncommon ship. I even read a forum where most of the people on there were for Kacchako and/or Midotsuyu but they even acknowledged either pairing not might happen.

Now, for good writing, there is still hope for those who may be defeated about Kacchako in the canon realm. I mean, for starters, they’re going to be on the same floor! Ahhhh! And don’t forget we haven’t seen his room yet so that is something that could be tied with their future interactions. Also Izuku and Katsuki are giving off the vibe that their relationship is going to get better, maybe not what it was before for sure but its going to get better, which will remove that aspect for Ochako and could make her respect him even more. Now that they’re in the dorms, it could be possible that they’ll be paired for certain things and that’ll propel their relationship even further. In regards to making it romantic, it while require changing something romantically about the Izuocha ship (on either end), whether that is Ochako suddenly realizing she likes Katsuki or her moving on from Izuku, which those are tricky to suddenly do in a shounen (except for Nisekoi, fucking Nisekoi) but if the author truly wants to go down that path, I believe he has the writing abilities to do so and make it work logically. But again, that’s if he wants to do so. 

Regardless though, with putting Ochako’s room and Katsuki’s room on the same floor, it is very possible he is setting up something with the two of them, if anything to grow at least platonically. Their fight ended in a rough spot so he may choose to grow upon that now that they are in the dorms (and maybe have them fight again and have Ochako winning this time around!) Whatever happens though, I’m excited to see how the author will handle this interesting relationship and see how the fanbase will take it into their own hands. <3

Stylist Noona || M

Genre: Fluff, Smut (M)

Pairing: Jungkook x reader

Summary: You were assigned to be a stylist for BTS, a group you didn’t care too much about. Knowing the job would be stressful, you bravely walked into those doors. Little did you know, you’d be breaking some rules. Why is this Jungkook so handsome? And why is he knocking on your window that’s on the second floor!?

A/N: I originally posted this on my instagram account @ dreamingofopppa, and I wanted to share it with y’all thirsty tumblr hoes  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

You took a deep breath as you stood in front of a door. You whispered encouraging words to yourself. You-a 21 year old woman who was confident and determined, was having a breakdown. What if you really couldn’t do it after all? Maybe you should just throw all those years of cosmetology down the drain and become a stripper?

“Snap out of it (Y/n)… it’s just a bunch of boys… you can do this.” You sighed and walked in the room. What you saw was a decent sized room, filled with clothe racks and chairs. There was a large counter and mirror space with tons of makeup.

“Oh! She’s here!” A very familiar feminine voice spoke loudly as she ran to you. A stylist with many years of experience hugged you tightly. “This is her! (Y/n), we’re happy to have you on the team!” She grabbed your hand and squeezed it.

You could help but laugh a bit. “Oh Chae it’s not that big of a deal…” you smiled at her. You knew her from cosmetic school. She was your teacher, and somehow years later she became your uncles wife.

“Are you crazy? Of course it’s a big deal!” She lead you towards the mirrors, and stopped you in front of a group of boys. THE group of boys to clarify. These are the boys you will be working with for the next long while. That is, if you don’t mess it all up and get fired because of your clumsy habits.

“Oh-geez…” you felt a little shy, and you looked at your feet. You hesitantly looked at the boys, smiling the sweetest smile you could manage. You could feel yourself turning red. You weren’t used to so much attention at once. All eyes were on you and you didn’t exactly feel comfortable.

One by one the boys introduced themselves. You knew who they were, but you weren’t super crazy about them. But in all honesty, they were all drop dead gorgeous. And in the least creepy way, you could wait to touch their faces.

Next came the introductions of the crew members. They all seemed like fairly decent people, and your biggest fear faded away-disapproval. You were so afraid of being an outcast reject.

“(Y/n), if you have any questions ask any of us ok?” Chae ruffled your beautiful hair, making you giggled and slap her hand away.

“Chae..!” You ran your fingers through your hair to fix it quickly.

“Ok everyone! We have a photo shoot in 2 hours, let’s get this party started!” Chae yelled out to encourage the other crew members. And the boys, well they were either sleeping, staring at you, or playing a game on their phone.

You tried not to let the staring bother you. You knew after a day or two of seeing you, you’d just become another one of their stylists. Nothing new, nothing special.

“(Y/n)? Why don’t you start with Jungkook.” Chae pointed to the maknae who was staring at you with big eyes and parted lips. Once you looked at him, he quickly looked away and tapped his foot on the ground, whistling which made it more awkward and suspicious.

You hesitantly walked towards the boy who was not much younger than you and stood in front of him. You smiled at him and held your hand out to him. “You don’t mind if I start with you, do you?” You held your other arm behind your back. You were super nervous but you were good about hiding it.

He looked at you like a lost puppy. An adorable one, at that. He shook his head and set his phone on the counter. “No, I don’t mind.” His voice was smooth, and very appealing to your ears. He grabbed your hand and hesitantly shook it. You made it firm, surprising him; but he was impressed nontheless. You turned your back towards him, setting your stuff on the counter.

Once you turned back towards him, he was looking up at the ceiling, and his cheeks were pink. You took in a deep breath and tried to figure out a position that wouldn’t be awkward for either of you. You stood by his side and gently put a hand on his warm cheek.

“Close your eyes for me.” You spoke gently. His eyes fell shut, and you worked your magic. You tried not to get too close so he wouldn’t hear your heart beat. You were surrounded by cute boys AND it was your first day on your dream job, it’s kind of a big deal.

You moved from his foundation, to his eyeliner, to his lips. It was nerve wrecking to you though. It was like you were about to touch a sacred place. You hesitantly dotted the lip tint wand over his bottom lip, and you felt like you were gonna have a heart attack. Your heart jumped when you blended it into his lip with your finger.

Finally your torturous work was over, and you made him sit up to look at himself in the mirror. “Did… I do ok?” You were nervous to ask. He looked at himself in the mirror then looked at you.

“It looks perfect, thank you Noona.” He said with a smile. You could tell he was just as awkward as you, which made you feel a little better. You sighed in relief and nervously laughed.

“Oh good. Ah, but, just call me (Y/n). Noona makes me feel old.” You said with a soft laugh. “Now stay sitting up, I’m gonna do your hair.” You ran your fingers through his hair that was amazingly soft. Halfway through his hairdo, you noticed he was playing a game on his phone. Piano tiles 2. It was one of your favorites. To make it less awkward between you two, you scoffed loud enough for him to hear you. “I can beat that score easily.” You said with a cute smile on your face.

He looked at you through the mirror and puckered his lips as he thought. “I’m just… warming up my thumbs. That’s all.” He cleared his throat before starting a new round. You scrunched your nose and giggled softly, continuing on his hair.

He stood up when you finished, and his height surprised you. He was tall. Not too much taller than you, but taller than you expected. You looked up to him and smiled. “Do you want me to change anything?” You asked while examining his facial expressions for the truth.

“No. You did a good job.” He smiled and held a hand up to you. You smiled back big and high-fived him.

“Good luck Jungkookie.” You said while waving to him as he walked out. This job might be more fun than you expected.

——–

“(Y/n)? Would you mind taking these to the storage room?” Chae stacked clothes in your arms.

“Sure no problem-oh…” you struggled as she continued to stack heavy clothing items. You’ve been working here for a week, and the most you’ve done is run errands and bring things back and forth between rooms.

“Thanks sweetie!” Chae yelled as she watched you walk out. You struggled to see past the massive pile of clothing. Sleeves from sweaters dangled down and nearly tripped you. You were getting irritated and huffy during the long journey to the storage room.

You couldn’t see what was in front of you, and ran into a couple walls, as well as a couple people that you felt apologetic toward. “Where…” you looked to your side, and boom! Crashed into another wall! You fell back onto your butt and gripped onto the clothes tighter.You closed your eyes tightly and held your breath in hope to lessen the pain in your bum. “Owwyyy…” you whined softly. 

You were planning on sitting there for a little bit to process your life choices, but strong arms hooked under your arms and lifted you up. You squeaked softly in surprise and let the clothes drop to the floor.Standing on your feet once more, you tilted your head back to see who it was that was kind enough to help you. It was the cute Maknae whom you’ve grown quite fond of.

“O-oh, Jungkookie.” You turned around to face him quickly, but that awful luck of yours did you no justice. You stepped on a jacket sleeve and slipped. “Woah~!” You closed your eyes tightly once more, but when you fell it was gentle. You opened your eyes to see a very brave Jungkook hugging your body. He took the harsh end of the landing.

When you processed what had happened, you quickly sat up with a gasp of realization. You reached towards Jungkook and helped him sit up. He made a groaning sound, indicating he was in pain.

“Oh my gosh Jungkook I’m so sorry are you ok?” You asked in a worried tone. He hissed when you grabbed his shoulder, and you immediately jerked your hand back. “Oh no…” you felt so guilty.

“I’m ok.” He said with a gentle smile. The look in his eyes though, said otherwise. You shook your head no and sighed.

“Gosh I’m such a clumsy idiot.” You said with a heavy sigh and hit yourself in the head gently. You stood up and gently helped him stand. “Come on,” you grabbed the hand on his opposite arm and dragged him towards the dressing room.

“What about the clothes?” Jungkook asked while gently squeezing your hand.

“Those can wait. Your health is more important.” You said in a panicked tone. If you injured him it could ruin his career, and it would DEFINITELY ruin yours!

You opened the door to the dressing room, and everyone was gone. It was everyone’s lunch break, but you didn’t mind missing out. You sat Jungkook in the chair and sighed softly.

“Stay here.” You turned to your navy blue duffel bag and dug through it. It was a never ending mess of things, and it irritated you how you could never find stuff. “Ah here.” You pulled a a little slip out of a packet.

“What is that?” Jungkook asked curiously as he watched you closely.

“They’re patches that will help you stop hurting. Smell.” You stuck it by his nose and he hesitantly smelled it while staring in your eyes. “Smells good right?” You smiled and peeled off the paper from the sticky part. “Take… uh…” you blushed softly. “Take your jacket off.” You chewed on your lip nervously.When he started to take his jacket off, you closed your innocent eyes tightly, making him inaudibly chuckle. 

“I’m done.” He said as a cue for you to open your eyes. You hesitantly opened one eye, then opened the other when you confirmed it was safe.You reached towards his shoulder and slowly slid his sleeve down, the smirk on his face making your blush intensify. 

“Oh…” your heart dropped when you saw a large bruise forming on his shoulder. “I’m so sorry Jungkookie…” you gently put the patch over his bruise and looked in his eyes. He tried to act all tough and mighty but you could see he was in pain.You sat down in a chair next to him and fixed his sleeve. He watched your hands carefully, then examined your face. 

“Noona, don’t look so sad.” You tapped his knee quickly and huffed.

“Don’t call me that!” You puffed your cheeks up, giving attitude to show your hatred towards that title. He laughed softly and shook his head.

“You’re right, you kinda act like a kid. You sure you’re older than me?” He teased you, finding the joy in watching you squirm and blush. You playfully slapped his arm, then realized it was a bad decision when he hissed in pain.

“Oh! I’m sorry!” You stood up and bowed to him, your heart racing from the amount of panic you’ve been facing. He just chuckled at you again.

“I’m a tough guy. It’ll be fine.” He said in a reassuring, gentle tone. He started to bring his hand up, but he hesitated. Then suddenly, his hand landed on top of your head, and he moved it back and forth to ruffle your hair.

“Ah-Jungkook!” You stood up and fixed your hair with a pouty face. He laughed at you, putting a hand on his stomach and tipping his head back. It was kind of relieving to watch him laugh in front of you. One, it was the cutest thing on this planet; and two, it meant he was more comfortable around you. Maybe all the embarrassing yourself for him and making jokes was paying off.

“(Y/n).” He corrected himself and looked in your eyes, keeping a killer smile on his face. “Thank you.” He said sincerely, making your heart skip a beat.

“You’re… you’re welcome.” You smiled sweetly and looked down at your toes as you fidgeted a little. You’re being pulled in by this handsome boy, whom you aren’t allowed to have a relationship with. Life. Is. Great.

——–

After a month on the job, you were comfortable. You felt like you really fit in with everyone. The boys treated you like family, and the crew members were so nice towards you. But there was one problem. What was it? The maknae was slowly drifting away from you. A week ago he was really reluctant about you doing his makeup. He wouldn’t let you look at him up close!

Yesterday he went to the bathroom and waited to come back when you were busy doing Yoongi’s makeup. He had someone else do his makeup, and he didn’t seem to be awkward about it at all. You tried not to let it bother you. It’s just work… it’s just work…

Today, you got there early. You set up your station before everyone else and decided to sleep a little on a chair. You were woken up but a makeup brush tickling your face. You twitched your nose and whined as you opened your eyes. “Chae…” you grumbled and sat up straight.

“Rise and shine, the boys will be here any second!” She laughed and ruffled your hair-a daily routine for her. You huffed and fixed your hair before standing up. You stood there and watched as the boys come in. Taehyung, Hoseok, Seokjin, Jimin, Yoongi, Namjoon… Jungkook?? You looked around the room once, then back at the door.

“Where… where is Jungkook?” You asked yourself and chewed on your lip. You waited a few minutes, hoping for him to walk through that door. But of course, no Jungkook was to be seen. You worked on Yoongi’s makeup and hair, and then things got chaotic. “Ah! Namjoon don’t touch that! That’s expensive!” You quickly grabbed a makeup palette from his hand and sighed in relief. Over time you came to realize he was truly a destruction monster. But, he was very funny and a great conversationist. Not to mention, he was very handsome. “Taehyungie! That’s hot be careful!”

You grabbed a straightening iron from Taehyung’s hand so he wouldn’t burn himself. And unfortunately for you, you gave up your beautiful skin for his. You grabbed the hot end and set it down, trying not to make a scene. You hissed softly and looked at your poor hand, knowing there’d be a definite scar.

“(Y/n)! Are you ok?” Taehyung was worried, being the only one to witness it.

“Yeah, I’m ok Tae.” You closed your fist so he couldn’t see the burn.

“10 minutes! Get your butts out there boys!” Chae yelled, and immediately they ran out. Taehyung bowed to apologize to you before quickly leaving. You sighed heavily and looked at your hand. “(Y/n)? Where’s Jungkook?” Chae asked you. You shrugged in response.

“I’ll wait in here in case he comes.” You said, hiding your hand behind your back.

“Alright… if he shows up call me.” She held up a threatening flip flop before walking out. You sighed softly and looked through your bag, pulling out a wrap and ointment. You carried it around since you often burned yourself. But this burn was a little worse than usual.You finished wrapping your hand and sat there, staring at the floor. You tapped your feet impatiently, and when you heard the door you stood up quickly. 

“Jungkook!” You sighed softly out of relief and irritation. “Where have you been?!” You scolded him as he walked towards his usual chair. He sat down and hesitantly spoke.

“Can… can Jihyun do my makeup..?” He asked quietly while looking at the floor. It hurt your feelings honestly, but you didn’t care at the moment.

“There’s no time! I’ll be quick. I promise.” You grabbed your foundation brush and stood in front of him, eyebrows furrowed. “Look I’m sorry you don’t like me for whatever reason but there’s no time.” You spat out what was on your mind and reached towards his face. He looked down and covered the side of his face with his hand.

You were shocked at his action. You were kind of getting pissed off. You grabbed his hand and moved it. He sighed in irritation and looked to the side, showing off his imperfect skin. Your eyes softened when you realized he wasn’t hiding from you because he hated you. His eyes showed fear and embarrassment.

“Jungkookie… are you embarrassed about your acne?” You asked with a soft expression. He just shrugged a bit and turn his head down again. You sighed softly and lifted his head, smiling. “It’s totally normal… and personally, I think it’s attractive.” You said flat out. Maybe you were a little too blunt, but it had to be said. He couldn’t just go around thinking it was an ugly thing that should be hidden.“Is this why you’ve been ignoring me?” You asked and look at him with sad eyes. 

Jungkook just chuckled softly in response and looked in your eyes. Your heart stopped, and your cheeks turned red. You stuttered a bit and dropped your makeup brush.

“Oh gosh.” You got on your knees in front of him to pick it up. Before you could pick it up, Jungkook grabbed your hand, making you hiss in pain. “Owowow…” you bit your lip and watched him.

“What happened?” He examined your wrapped hand. You pursed your lip and looked down, embarrassed.

“I saved your dumb friend from burning himself.” You said grumpily. You had nothing against Taehyung. In fact, you adored him. But the way you said it made it sound less dumb on your side, and more dumb on his side; therefore, less embarrassment for you.

Jungkook sighed softly and kissed your palm suddenly, making you tense up. You fell on your butt, your face red with shock and embarrassment.

“Jungkook..!” You held your hand to your chest. He just chuckled at your reaction and grabbed your arms. He pulled you up on your feet, then grabbed the back of your thigh. He pulled your leg forward, forcing you to sit on his lap.

You thought your heart was going to explode. You didn’t know how to react. You kinda just, had to let it happen. Jungkook kept his strong grip on your thigh and used his other hand to grab your jaw. You placed your hands on his shoulders, mentally unprepared for whatever he had planned. He looked in your eyes, and you admired how handsome he was.

“There’s a rule… no dating between the idol and the stylists…” Jungkook said quietly as he traced his finger along your jawline, and down your neck slowly and gently. “But I think… that rule is complete bullshit.” He said flat out, kissing you right after.

You couldn’t help it. You kissed back and regretfully, you enjoyed it. You knew you were falling for him from the start but you also knew it was unacceptable. You pulled away and tried standing.

“Jungkook we can’t do this.” Your breath was shaky. Jungkook tightened his grip and looked at you with a serious expression. Fuck he was so handsome. You shyly looked down and played with the hem of his shirt. You whined and rested your head in his shoulder. “I hate this stupid rule.” You said in a whiny tone. Jungkook wrapped his arms around you and kissed the top of your head.

“Let’s break some rules.” He said in a quiet voice. You thought about what he said. It was dangerous-very risky. You sighed and sat up again.

“Promise me you won’t ignore me again. You can’t hide from me.” You gripped at his shirt. He smiled and nodded.

“Deal.” He chuckled softly and looked in your eyes.

“Then… then I guess I’ll allow it…” you shrugged and puffed your bottom lip out, avoiding eye contact. You gasped softly. “Oh my gosh, I have to get you ready.” You stood quickly and got all your makeup sorted out. Jungkook watched you while biting his lip to try and stop himself from smiling.

“(Y/n)… can I call you baby?” He asked, suddenly making you choke. You looked at him, opening your thing of foundation.“Wha..? I… uhm…” you looked down and concentrated on makeup. You stepped towards him and he closed his eyes, letting you put makeup on him. “You can if you make sure you don’t let it slip around the others.” You answered him with a growing smile.

“Ok baby…” he replied with the cutest bunny smile. You felt all flustered and giggly. You worked on his makeup and tickled his nose with the makeup brush a couple times, just to hear him laugh.

“Oh my gosh you’re so late. Hurry and go out there.” You finished up with his hair. “I’ll make up an excuse for you. So hurry.” You started think if stories to come up with.

“Kiss.” He stood up and faced you.

“Huh?” You looked at him with big eyes.

“I want a good luck kiss.” He said nonchalantly. He leaned down to your height and closed his eyes, puckering his lips. You looked at his lips, then his eyes, and back to his lips. You quickly pecked his lips, not entirely used to the romantic atmosphere. He smirked and pinched your cheek gently. “Amateur,” he teased before kissing you again, longer and deeper this time. He pulled away and ran out to their meet-up place.

Immediately he was scolded, but you, being the hero that you were, came out with a story to protect him. “He got sick and he was throwing up. He already doesn’t feel that great, so please don’t lecture him.” You lied flawlessly, making the director sigh in defeat.

“Let’s go boys…” he grumbled and walked ahead of them to the door. Jungkook winked at you with a gentle smile and mouthed the words, ‘thank you.’ You just nodded and smiled in response, and waved bye to him.You stood there and replayed the recent events in your mind over and over again. Each time, you felt more lightheaded and giggly. You couldn’t believe the guy who snatched you from the start was actually yours now.

——–

Laughter erupted from your throat for the millionth time tonight. When you started working with Bangtan, you slowly began to watch their older videos and stuff to learn more about them and what they do. And tonight you were watching their Gayo episodes. Jungkook was just so cute and funny, you couldn’t help but squeal.

Eventually you started to get bored. You wanted to actually see him in person. You got needy. You wanted his attention; his love, his touch, and his sweet kisses.

You laid on your bed on your stomach and picked up your phone. “Jungkookie…” you groaned softly and set your phone down when you saw you didn’t have any messages from him. You’ve been together for 2 months now, and there have been times where you were nearly discovered. You knew there were suspicions so you really tried to keep it on the down low.

A few seconds of overthinking go by, and you hear tapping on your window. Odd, considering this is the second floor… you walked to the window and opened your curtains, expecting maybe just a stupid bug or a tree branch scraping against your window. You gasped when you saw Jungkook standing on your balcony.

“Jungkook..!? What are you..?” You quickly opened the window. “Are you crazy?! It’s pouring out there!” You pulled him inside and wiped water off his face with your hands. “You’ll catch a cold.” You were genuinely worried. He chuckled softly and grabbed your waist, pulling you into a kiss. You were surprised by his action-this whole event nonetheless-and pulled away. “Jungkook..!” You covered your mouth.

“Shhh you nag too much…” he cupped your cheeks gently. His soft eyes grew wider as he stared at you. “I’ve never seen you without makeup before…” he said in a way that made you self conscious. “You’re beautiful…” he added, and gently swept his thumbs over your cheeks. He chuckled softly, “and you have freckles…” he smiled a cute bunny smile, making you feel embarrassed. You brought your hands over your face, but they were immediately moved. “Remember what you said to me?” He smiled. “I think it’s attractive.” He mocked you and scrunched his nose as he smiled.You laughed softly and playfully slapped his chest. 

“Shut up you…” you grabbed his hands and brought him over to your desk chair. “Stay there.” You walked to your bathroom, searching for a clean towel. You came back with a hot pink towel and giggled. “Sorry, pink is all I got.” You stood in front of him and threw the towel over his head. Immediately you started rubbing it over his head to soak up water from his hair.

He started to laugh as you dried his hair off, closing his eyes. He relaxed and let you nag him, listening closely to the things you were saying.“If you get sick I’ll have to make an excuse for you. I’ll have to make time to sneak in a visit to take care of you, and by doing that I’m risking a lot.” You lectured and got on your knees in front of him. 

“That means I’d have to feed you, give you medicine, watch you while you sleep…” you sighed and glared at him.

“That sounds pretty nice, actually.” He snickered. You stuck your tongue out at him and used the towel to dry his face.

“Did you bring extra clothes in there?” You pointed to his bag.

“Yeah… but I won’t be needing them.” He said as he grabbed the towel and threw it across the room.

“Huh?” You were startled and a little flustered. He was giving you the sexiest stare, and you wanted to pounce. You bit your lip and stood up. “Uhm, I’ll go make you some tea,” you turned around, but your wrist was grabbed, and you were-against your will-turned back towards the boy that was subtly turning you on.

“I told the guys that I was going to an old friend’s house and spending the night.” He put a hand on your blushing cheek and put his other hand on your butt without permission.

“Spending the-?! Jungkook if they find out we’re screwed.” You were worried about how they’d punish him, and about how you’d lose your job without a second thought. How would you see Jungkook then?!

“I know… but I want to make you feel good.” He said, making your heart jump. “I don’t want our relationship to seem… fake and boring. I want it to be fun and exciting. I want you to feel loved.” He sounded so perfect as he spoke. It made the soft spot in your heart take over your brain. He backed you up to your bed and pinned you to it with your arms above your head. You gasped and looked up at him with big eyes.

You looked back and forth between his eyes, searching for the truth. And surely enough, you only found sincerity. You slipped your hands out from under his and wrapped your arms around his neck. You smiled and pulled him closer. 

“You’re right Jungkook…” you kissed him lovingly.He chuckled against your lips and slowly kissed back. He tensed up when he felt your hand undoing his belt. He’s never been in this type of situation, even though he had a cocky attitude towards it.

You took his belt and tossed it to the side, never breaking the kiss. He moved his hand towards your thigh, squeezing the thicker part of it. You moaned quietly against his lips, and it was an instant confidence booster. He hooked his finger in the waistband on your shorts, slowly pulling them down as he started to trail his kisses down your neck.

You lifted your hips a bit to help him, and kicked them off. You didn’t care where your clothes went you just cared that they were off. You tugged on his shirt and breathily said, “take it off.” He smirked against your skin and sat up. He looked in your eyes, taking his shirt off and showing off his glorious muscles.

“Holy…” you felt your cheeks flush. You reached and touched his abs. You looked down at your own tummy and pinched the little bit of chub, feeling self conscious now. Jungkook chuckled and grabbed your hands, intertwining your fingers before pinning them to the bed again.

“Like what you see?” He asked with an unbelievably sexy, sinful smirk on his gorgeous face. You were in such a trance, you could only nod in response. He chuckled once again and moved his hands from yours, down to your butt. He squeezed, earning a very rewarding moan from you.

Jungkook groaned and pursed his lips, leaning his head back and breathing in deeply. He felt his pants getting tighter, and he moved his hands to unbutton his pants. He stuck his tongue out of his mouth, adding to the hot atmosphere. You felt like you were melting under him.

You thought your heart was gonna beat out of your chest, you’ve never felt so alive before. You sat up and looked in his eyes as you unzipped his pants for him. He breathed out shakily and ran a hand through your hair. You pulled down his pants, and pushed him so he was on his back on the bed. You sat on his lap and he propped himself up on his elbows.

You stared him dead in the eyes as you started to unbutton your silky blouse. His lips parted and his eyes followed your hands. With each button gone he could feel himself growing harder.

The black laced thong and matching bra caught him in a trance. “You’re fucking breathtaking.” He said breathily. He sat up and slid your shirt off your shoulders, throwing it across the room. His hands made their way behind you and unclipped your bra. He carelessly tossed it behind him and cupped his hands around your boobs.

You grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him deeply, grinding your hips against his once and earning the sexiest moan in existence. You suddenly felt a rough hand grabbing your hip, and another hand trailing down your stomach and into your panties. You gasped softly against his lips when you felt his finger press against your clit.

“Wet for me already baby..?” He teasingly whispered against your lips while rubbing your clit in slow circles. You breathed out and bit your lip, resting your forehead against his. You gripped his hair with one hand and used the other hand to pleasure him. You cupped his bulge and palmed him gently, through his boxers. “(Y-Y/n)…” his breath hitched. He was surprised by your action but fuck did he enjoy it.

“Jungkook oh God…” you moaned out and tugged on his hair. He growled and flipped you over so he was on top once again. He pulled your thong off and tossed it behind him. You hooked your big toes in the waist band on his boxers, gripping onto his biceps as you pulled them down.

He was staring hungrily into your eyes, and it gave you a tingly feeling. When his body moved forward you quickly tightened your grip on his arm, mentally panicking. He dipped down to kiss you again, and the magical kiss took your mind off your fear. You slowly but surely move your hands up his arms then wrap them around his neck.

His hands started at your knees and trailed down, teasingly tapping his fingers to mess with you. Suddenly he pushed your legs into an M shape, squeezing the thick of your thigh. You let a moan slip, being turned on further by his mysterious movements.

Your breath hitched when you felt a length filling you. You gently bit his bottom lip and tugged with your teeth, trying to distract yourself from the pain.

“J-Jungkook.” You strained a moan and hit his chest gently. “You’re too big.” You breathed heavily and covered your face. His hands grabbed your and pinned them to your side.

“Don’t cover your beautiful face.” He whispered sexily and kissed along your jawline. “Baby I’ll make you feel good, I promise.” He moved his hands to your hips and rubbed slow circles. You instantly brought your hands up to his cheeks, slowly running your nails along his jawline and neck-something that made him totally weak.

He groaned hotly and kissed you again deeply, nudging his hips forward to test drive you. You let out a moan that drove him crazy, and his hips started to move at a slow pace.

You rolled your hips against his, urging him to go faster. It was a euphoric and dangerous feeling, and it was intensely addictive. You craved him, you craved more, and you let yourself express that. You rested your nails against his side and slowly dragged them down, arching your back and curling your toes.

“Oh God (Y/n)…” he breathily moaned and bucked his hips against yours as you hit his sweet spot. You loved his reaction, you loved how you were making him feel. “Ahh..~” he let out a satisfied breathy moan, closing his eyes and licking his lips seductively.

You’ve never felt so needy but he gave you exactly what it was you needed. The connection your hips made created sparks each time and it added to the love. The smell of sex and desire filled the surrounding air, with his cologne engulfing you in a paradise.

The bed began to creek and it excited you more. “Baby~” you moaned out and tugged on his hair with both hands. “The neighbors will complain.” You wrapped your legs around his waist, hooking your ankles together.

“I don’t give a fuck.” He sexily growled and kissed your collarbone, roughly sucking at your sensitive skin. His uncontrollable hands kept a tight hold on your butt, sure to leave marks. His kisses trailed down towards your breasts, and soon his relentless mouth was sucking on your sensitive nub.

“Holy hell~” you tilted your head back and let out a slutty moan to drive him crazy. He moved one of his hands, and grabbed one of yours from out of his hair. He intertwined your fingers, then pinned it to the bed roughly.

“What’s my name?” He used his other hand to grab your jaw and lead your gaze to him. You moaned and looked in his eyes, something your body couldn’t handle in this situation.

“Jungkook..!” you moaned and closed your eyes, squeezing his other hand tightly.

“That’s right baby girl.” He let go of your jaw and grabbed onto your butt once again, an obsession of his. His thrust got faster and faster as your orgasm built up, and with each second you tightened your grip on the white sheets.

“Jung-Jungkookjungkook-Jungkook~” you squealed and sighed loudly with pleasure. “I’m gonna… I’m gonna cum J-Jungkook.” You reached up behind you and tugged on your pillows. “Mm~!” You turned your head and chewed on your lip, closing your eyes tightly.

“Ah… ah (Y/n)….” he panted hard and moaned louder. He pulled your hips back against his own with every thrust, hitting your g-spot. Your climax hit you at full force, making a slutty moan escape from deep within you. Jungkook almost immediately pulled out.

He kissed you as he used his sweaty palm to get himself off. You kissed back weakly, attempting to help him with whatever strength you had left. You felt warm liquid on your stomach and blushed a bit.

“Kookie I just took a shower…” you whined and gently played with his hair. He breathily chuckled and cupped your face, giving you soft eyes. You looked back and forth between his eyes, smiling.

“(Y/n)… I love you. And I won’t let the company take you away.” He said honesty and pinched you’re cheeks to make you giggle, and be was successful as always.“I love you too Jungkook.” You sat up and hugged him tight. “Don’t say that unless you can promise me that though…” you pouted. He shook his head and rubbed your back.

“I promise (Y/n). There is nothing that will tear us apart.” He assured you. “Now…” he started with a soft chuckle, “let’s go take a shower." 

1. You are here. Only here. At this moment. And you are here alone. You have to take care of yourself. No one else will. No one else cares about how much you hurt or if you even do. So do whatever your heart needs.

2. Talk to everyone. Even the people you hate. You will see the beauty inside of them. You will understand only by listening. Talk to the one you never once spoke a word to. I promise it will clear up the sky.

3. Nothing is what it seems. Absolutely nothing. Not even the clearest thing. Remember that. Hold on to that. Let it make you wiser.

4. Everyone holds a galaxy full of pain inside of them. So some will smoke. Or do drugs. Or drink. Others will smile as if nothing is wrong. Or kiss and hug and laugh. We all deal with pain in very different ways and we do everything we can to forget.

5. Never regret experiences. Even if it leaves bad memories. You learn so much. You grow. You become someone new. Just look at where you once were and where you are now. I promise you will be thankful if you can’t see it now.

6. Love yourself. Be on your own side. Defend yourself. Don’t let people break you down. Because they will take advantage of you, if you do not see your own worth. You are important. And yourself is what you should focus on.

—  ck.writes (on Instagram) // 6 things i learned the past month
From the Dining Table, Pt. 1 (Ethan)

Summary: Before moving out of the home you once shared with your fame hungry ex-boyfriend, you sit down to write him a letter, explaining to him why you left and where to find you if he ever comes to look for you.

Word Count: 2,352

Warnings: None

Author’s Note: This idea hit me in the middle of the night while listening to Harry Styles’ new album, specifically the last song entitled “From the Dining Table.” I highly recommend you listen to the song while reading this imagine for the full effect. I also apologize in advance if I make anyone feel things; writing this had me feeling all the things. I might turn this into a mini-series if it gets enough love, so please enjoy! Requests are open!


“I honestly never thought this day would come, Mom.” You grab the last of the pictures of you and your ex-boyfriend sitting on the dresser and throw them into a cardboard box in the entrance of the bedroom. “I’m moving out of the house I shared with the person I thought I was going to marry, and he doesn’t even know I’m leaving. Do you hear how twisted that sounds?”

Your mom places the rest of your t-shirts into the open suitcase on the floor. “Honey, you can’t predict the future. You didn’t know he was going to turn out to be this way.”

“We’ve been friends since we were in diapers, Mom. Nothing about him or the way he was raised would have indicated that this would have happened. He used to just be a goofy kid with a camera… What happened?”

She stands up to zip the suitcase. “I don’t know, but you’ve been turning that over in your head for God knows how long now. Haven’t you tortured yourself enough?”

“Hasn’t he tortured me enough?”

The both of you sigh and your stomach begins to twist. You pick up the cardboard box and a couple of tote bags laying around, following your mom as she drags the suitcase out into the dining room, the wheels echoing through the nearly empty house as they click on the wooden floor.

“Y/N, fame changes people. I just hope for his own good that one day he realizes what he truly lost… Okay, do we have everything?”

You shift from one foot to the other, trying to subdue the pain in your abdomen that’s only growing. “Yeah, I think so. My clothes are all packed, the electricity will be shut off by the city tonight, my pictures are all put away, and we loaded all the furniture into the truck yesterday.”

“All, except the table,” she notes.

“Yeah, that’s not mine. I’m leaving it for…” you trail off as you glance at the surface, remembering the notebook and pens you packed in one of your totes.

“Hey Mom, why don’t you take the rest of this stuff? I’ll be outside in a second, I just have something I want to do, first.”

“Okay, but don’t take too long. I want to ride the daylight out as much as possible. You know I have a hard time driving at night.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

Your mom takes the box from you before pushing it and the suitcase out the door. She shuts it behind her while you pull your stationary out from one of the bags, setting it on the table. You take off the cap of your pen, breathing deeply before pressing it to the paper:


 I don’t want to be angry with you anymore, Ethan, but I am. I’m so god damn angry.

I want to live my life and not think about you or hear your laugh everywhere I go. I want to look in the mirror and see my face again instead of yours. I regret cutting all my hair off just so I could look like you. I wish I had the power to delete our song off of my phone. I wish I wasn’t slumped over the dining room table, crying while I was writing this.

You’re so selfish that it makes me sick. The very first night I met you, I didn’t know I’d grow up to consider you my best friend. I never expected to become this attached to you. But, fast forward to the day you left me: when you walked out the door, you took the oxygen from my lungs.

You’re just a set of bones and a beating heart. How did you mess me up so bad?

I was such a fool to think you’d adhere to your resolution to live as normal of a life as possible. You used to know that life has so much more to offer than posting moody pictures on Instagram and hoping it gets over 500,000 likes or ignoring the people who built you up because it makes you feel powerful. What you’ve become absolutely disgusts me, and the worst part of it all is that you don’t even know what the time apart has done to me. I never got to celebrate your birthday with you, something that was a dream of ours to do together. I couldn’t give you Christmas presents this year. I couldn’t sit with you and your family while they grilled hot dogs in your back yard on the Fourth of July. I couldn’t do any of this because you only think of yourself anymore. It’s like you’ve completely forgotten about me.

Right before your departure, you told me you’d come back for me. You said you would text and call whenever you could until we would see each other again in person. I got your first text soon after, and for a while it felt like we were never apart; it felt like the oxygen in my lungs was restored. You’d call me after every show and every promotional event, so excited and in awe that you couldn’t wait to tell me about everything that happened. As time went on though, with the more people you met and the higher you climbed up the ladder, the texts became fewer and farther in between. My phone rang less often until it stopped ringing all together. You didn’t text me anymore. I had to learn about everything you were doing through friends and social media. I can’t count the number of voicemails I left you, afraid that I smothered you and apologizing for being the reason you pushed me away. I know now that it had absolutely nothing to do with me, but I can’t help but hope that one day you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry, too. It never happens, though. You never do.

You friends tell me that this is normal, that getting through the separation anxiety is the worst part. But, let me ask you this: Was it normal for me to curl up in the fetal position in the middle of the hallway after you walked out of the door? Was it normal for me not to sleep a wink after you were gone? I would scream into the dark of night, begging for you to come back. I would pray for you, and you know how I feel about religion. Praying was something you did before every meal and every night before bedtime. I would watch you clasp your hands together and close your eyes while your lips gracefully moved to form silent requests of peace, grace, and mercy. Do you remember when you asked me about religion? I pressed my lips into a hard line, squeezing my hands together so tightly that I lost feeling within seconds. I did it though, I got down on my knees by my bedside hoping that you would be able to hear me through whatever kind of higher power you believed in. It turns out I was wrong.

Let me tell you that if God does exist, He’s a vulture. He’s completely unfair. The kind of lives He had in store for both of us was cruel and downright disgusting; He chose me for endless suffering and He chose you to poison the lives of everyone you meet. So much for being a good guy, huh?

The worst part of all of this is the fact that despite my anger and resentment towards your addiction to fame and how you chose it over me, you’ve taught me more than I could have ever imagined. It makes me sad, but one of those lessons is the fact that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t be fixed. This is something that no one ever tells you when you’re young; it never fails to surprise me when I look around and see people close to me breaking one by one. I should probably get it in my head. I saw it happen to you and then I felt it happen to me. I did almost everything to try and heal the resulting pain, including hurting myself in ungodly disturbing ways. I didn’t, however sleep with strangers and then leave them in the cold like the tabloids said you did.

But, see, even if I did such an ugly, terrible thing, those people would never fill this hole. I’m always going to want you. I’m always going to choose you.

I hate myself for that. I hate that I can be so angry and so vicious toward what you’ve become, but at the end of the night I lay in bed knowing I’m always going to be waiting for you. I can lie to myself all I want about it and yet I still find myself walking around every day thinking about how different circumstances would be if you were by my side at any particular moment. I tell myself to avoid everything that reminds me of you; instead I expose myself to those things even more because I don’t know how to live without the hole in my chest anymore. I can easily say I’ve failed at attempting to get over you and I don’t want to make any more attempts. The only way I can carry you with me now is by carrying the pain of you not being with me. The pain has been there for two years, five months, three weeks, and two days. This is the only way I know how to live now.

But, above all else, the one thing I desperately need you to know is that even before my anger, pity, and resentment, if you ever end up calling me again, even if it’s at 4 AM and you’re too sad to say a word, I won’t yell at you about how much of my life you’ve consumed. Rather, I will intently listen to your silence until you’re able to fall asleep again. If you need to cry, I won’t wipe away your tears because we’re only human and sometimes tears are the closest we can get to laughter and that’s okay. If you need to yell so ferociously that your voice gives out and your knees fail you, I’ll be there to hold you up and I’ll yell with you to make you feel less alone. If you get so angry that you punch your hands raw, I will ice your knuckles and gently remind you that wounds do eventually heal, both inside and out, just like the way harsh winters give way to warm springs. I will be your warm spring again, and I will do all of this because I love you unconditionally, even when you spite me and drive me insane. Sometimes I think I’d be better off dead than putting up with everything that comes with you, and I hate the fact that I don’t hate you. I just love you. My love is over, underneath, inside, and in between all the struggles that we have faced.

Now, I’m begging you, Ethan. If you ever decide to come look for me, I’ve left California; I can’t live in a place that feels so artificial anymore. I’m going back to the beginning, the place where you and I planted our roots, where we ran around in the sprinklers in the summer and made snow angels in the winter, where we tossed our high school graduation caps in the air and took weekend trips driving into the city. I’m going back to the place where I can find myself again. If you ever decide to come look for me, I’ll be waiting for you there.


Wiping the tears from your eyes, you fold the piece of paper down in thirds before placing it in an envelope and sloppily addressing it with an “E”. A horn honks outside, cueing you to grab the last of your bags and place the letter in the middle of the table. As you approach the front door, you turn around to take in the empty house one last time. All of the memories you and Ethan shared together here begin to dance in front of your eyes and you sigh to yourself, grateful that they’re going to stay with you for the rest of your life, but heartbroken you have to leave this behind. Finally, you step out onto the front porch and lock the door behind you.

“Alright, I’m good. I’ve got everything,” you grunt as you climb into the passenger seat of the moving van, tossing the bags behind you.

Your mom reaches over from the driver’s side to place her hand on your cheek. “You are such a brave girl. I am so proud of you for starting to let go.”

You close your eyes and place a hand on her wrist. “Thanks, Mom. Can we please go now, though, before I get too sentimental? I don’t want to cry anymore. My lungs already hurt too much.”

The both of you let go of each other to click your seat belts in place, and as your mom pulls the truck out of the neighborhood and onto the highway, you roll the windows down and turn on the radio. After several minutes of humming along to the music and getting lost in your own thoughts, your mom’s voice startles you.

“Do you think he’ll ever come back?”

You shift in your seat, unsure how to answer. “It’s been over two years, Mom.”

“What if he decides to come back to the house and you’re not there?”

“He has a key. He can get in.”

“But you won’t be there.”

You pause for a moment. “No, I won’t be. But I have a feeling that if he ever comes across what I left for him, he’ll know exactly where to find me.”

“And where’s that?”

You glance out the window, the vast, California landscape speeding by you as you head for the state line. The two of you have a long drive ahead of you back to the East Coast, almost 2,800 miles.

“Home. I told him to come home.”

10

Caturday stream of consciousness. Almost all I have is selfies right now, because I’m really pushing hard to accept my physical self.

I envy those of you who are always perfectly made up and put together. I am a hot mess most of the time. I fall asleep in my makeup (when I wear it) more often than not. I hate my body or make peace with it depending on my current mood. Being ill isn’t helping. I have always verged on being intentionally undone, probably as a subconscious way of testing whether Nick would leave me if I weren’t attractive. He just kept on thinking I was, regardless of lack of makeup or dressing up. Neither aging nor weight gain could prevent him from loving me and finding me desirable. I don’t know what to do with that.

Also, I have apparently become one of those middle aged women that refuses to dress appropriately for my age and weight.

Unrelated (?), I saw a kid get baptized on a friend’s Instagram today. I immediately got palpitations and felt nauseated. Despite all reason, I still sometimes crave the safety of my lost faith. But I am constantly triggered by Christianity. It physically makes me ill. I don’t know how I could go back, even to a mainstream church.

Thank you, friends, for putting up with my idiosyncrasies. You guys mean a lot to me.

2

Hi everyone! I know I haven’t been posting on here for quite some time now and  that’s because I find it much easier to upload pictures on my instagram ! Don’t worry though, I will try and become active once again :) Here is my handwriting + my favorite pens, which are the Zebra Sarasa!


// I just finished my first medicine prelim exam a few days ago and I feel so anxious about what scores I got ><!! I studied a lot and had very restless nights all because of that exam. Ah, I hope I did fine. HOW ARE YOU all?!?! It’s been a while since I last uploaded huh haha, I hope you all are having a great, fantastic, Christmas break! Happy Holidays to you all!