what went wrong with

Confession

This guy I was talking too for about a month or so just suddenly stopped talking to me. Idk what I did or what went wrong last time we hung out. I drove an hour to see him and that was the last time. He even stopped texting and calling after that. I cried once I realized it was finally over mainly because of frustration. Frustrated that I keep letting these guys in and they treat me like I have no worth. I feel like women in today’s age are starting to accept the fact that we will never be enough for man and if he do us wrong we should just sweep it under the rug. I deeply fear that I’ll never find a true love or when I think I do the man I love will turn on me. Im tired of trying but what if I do give up for a bit and end up missing out on the one for me.

Shea Weber Ft. Brendan Gallagher - 12 years now lost.

Originally posted by careynco

Author Note: SOOOOO I’m pretty sure this has been one of my longest pieces ever. I might have gotten a little carried away, but that tends to happen when I write about sad stuff. I love writing sad stuff. So, please enjoy and don’t hate me! -Julianne 

“People generally didn’t cheat in good relationships.” -Emily Giffin

It all happened slowly, years, within years. You and Shea had been married for 12 years, most of those years were full of love and nothing more. Yet, as you two hit your 10th year of marriage, you knew something went wrong. Where or what you were sure, all you knew is that it was different between you and him.  

“Good morning babe. What time did you get home?” You asked.

You were downstairs making a cup of tea, when your half dressed husband came walking in to make a cup of coffee. He was wear a pair of dark blue sweat pants and nothing else. You watched his back muscles move with every movement he made while making his coffee.

“About three. The boy’s um, they want to drink, so I was the DD.” Shea said not looking at you.

Lie number one.

“Do you have to work today?”

“Uh, yeah Julien wants us to practiced more before the game on Sunday. Then, I have to go help Gally pick out a tie. The big dork doesn’t know how to shop still at the age of 25.”

Lie number two.

You had gotten up from your seat, making your way over towards Shea. You pressed your front to his back side as you slid a hand into his sweatpants. You grabbed his limp cock in your hand. Nothing.

“I really need to go get dress, or I’m going to be late.” He said pulling your hand out of his pants like it was nothing.

“Yeah….yeah don’t want to keep the team waiting.” You said standing by the sink trying not to cry..again.

“I’ll see you sometime tonight.” Shea smiled weakly as he pressed a kiss to your head.

He never kissed you on the lips anymore. He never touched you anymore. He never loved you anymore. You heard the front door slam shut. That when you let the tear slip. With a deep breath you made your way upstairs to clean up Shea’s clothes. That’s when you knew. You always knew but this, this was the piece that made it real. Picking up the shirt you saw lipstick, but it was what was in the pants pocket that hurt.

“A little something to remember me by, when you’re with her ;). Love you.” That was written on the back of the photo. The photo of your husband and another girl having sex. He touched her, but not you.

You weren’t sure how you felt. You wanted to be angry, but how can you be angry at someone that you barely know anymore. You wanted to feel sad, but at what? You weren’t sure what was going on in your head when you made the call, but you did know that you need to feel loved and you knew he could give it to you.

“Hey Y/N! What’s up? Everything okay?” Brendan asked cheerfully.

“Are you busy?” You asked wondering if Shea was actually telling the truth about practice.

“Nope! We have the day off. Why?”

“I..well. Shit. Can you come over I just need to talk to my best friend.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll be over in ten?”

“Great, I’m going to be cleaning my room so just let yourself in okay?”

“Okay, bye.”

“Bye!”

You had slid out of off you pjs, underwear and bra, before covering up in your bed. You lied there waiting. You soon heard the door and Gally’s cheerful voice boom through the house.

“Up here.” You yelled back as you pulled the covers down to show your full on naked body.

“Okay, so I brought some booze, be-” Brendan started before walking into your room. “Hmmmm? I’m confused? Turned on but confused.” he said walking towards the bed.

“Shea is cheating on me.” You said handing his the photo.

“Fucking asshole.” Brendan said getting mad as he looked at the photo of your so called husband. “What the is wrong with him. I’m going to kick his ass, I swear!”

“BRENDAN!” You yelled trying to get his attention back.

“What.”

“He’s been cheating for almost two years. In those two years he hasn’t kissed me or touched me. I need to feel something. Someone.” You stated getting teary.

“Y/N, you’re vulnerable right now. I’m-”

“FUCKING SHIT BRENDAN! MY HUSBAND IS CHEATIN ON ME! FOR TWO FUCKING YEARS! Two years. We are done, there’s no saving us. So if you really care about me, you are going to let me have sex with you. AND yes I do know how crazy this sounds.”

“Okay.” Brendan said knowing all too well that you were going to win no matter what.

Brendan stripped his clothes off one by one, looking at you making sure that you were still going with this. He climbed on the bed, you pushed him down so the his lips were on yours. His hands going to your hips as you two made out. You hand made it’s way down to his member. Brendan, moaned into your mouth before kissing along your neck and down to your thighs. He placed a hand on each thigh before looking back up at you.

“Are you sure about this? I can st-”

“Brendan! I’m sure.”

“OKAY!” He giggled. “So, bossy during sex. I liked.” He winked, causing you to giggle.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Wow! That’s was the best sex, I’ve ever had and I have a lot of it.” Brendan sighed as he flopped next to you in bed. “You okay?”

“I’m better than okay.” You smiled as you snuggled closer to Brendan’s chest. “I agree, best sex ever. We should do it more often.” You giggled hiding your face in his chest.

You two laid there in silence for a while, before Brendan spoke up.

“If you need a place to stay, you’re always welcome at my place.” He said running his fingertips up and down your back.

You kissed his naked chest.

“Thank you Bren. I wonder where it all went wrong. Did I do something or did I not do enough. It ate at me, but when I saw that photo and the shirt, I know whatever it was…is something that can’t be fix. I’m faced with my worst fear, having my husband fall out of love with me and yet, I’m okay with that.”

You weren’t sure when you two had fallen asleep, but the slamming of the front door woke both of your up.

“Shit! Shit, shit, shit!” Brendan softly said as he climbed out of you bed in search of his clothes.

“Brendan?” You said as you threw on your clothes.

“What!?” He said still freaking out.

“I love you.” You said stopping him in his tracks, but before he could reply Shea was in the doorway.

-Julianne

I drew phil but

it needs improvements

perfect.

I can go days without missing you or even thinking about you but every once in a while a great big wave of hurt comes crashing into me and then suddenly I’m crying on my bedroom floor wondering what went wrong and asking the darkness that fills my room why I wasn’t enough for you.
—  do you still think of me sometimes too? (please tell me you do).
tips for people in relationships with Borderlines

and people who are very close to Borderlines, regardless of whether it’s romantic or not! I have BPD and wanted to list some things that my partner does that really help me and our relationship, in case they can help anyone else <3

  • communicate!! with!! your!! partner!! 
    • ask them what things upset them
    • ask them what things you can do to ease their brain
    • tell them what things they do which upset you
    • tell them when you need space and time alone
    • tell them when you know you’ll be away
    • check in that the relationship is okay and both of you have your needs fulfilled
    • etc.
  • set boundaries for the person initially, and explain to them why these things are important to you. we’re not good at recognising other’s boundaries or understanding them innately. you can always change your boundaries, but let them know when you do
  • when you get frustrated and angry with them - which happens in all relationships between people, regardless of how healthy - have something you’ve agreed to say to them so they know you aren’t trying to hurt them or leave them, you just need to calm down.
  • try not to leave things angry or bad when you go away - try not to make the last thing you say at night sound snappy, etc. being away from our partners is always going to be tricky for us, and if you’ve left with something reassuring, it’s more likely that we’ll cope and you’ll get your sleep/rest/work/class/appointment/etc uninterrupted by us
  • expect us to need reassurances from you, and to need them a lot. understand that this really has nothing to do with you - whether you’re distant or not, things are good or not, etc, our disorder will always try to say things aren’t good. don’t be offended when we ask for reassurance, and if it’s tiring for you, come up with a specific set phrase or code with your partner to reassure them when they need it.
  • it’s likely that your partner will split on you at some point, and if you recognise that they have done and remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible, it’s likely that they’ll be able to calm down and split back soon. check in with them every couple of hours to remind them you care.
  • to the best of your ability - unforeseen circumstances omitting of course - don’t make promises you aren’t certain you can keep, and don’t say you’ll do something you don’t know you will be able to. saying that you’ll do something for/with us and then cancelling for something that could’ve been foreseen will make us panic.
  • try to watch out for the minutiae of how you interact with us. did you put a full stop on that text? did you say something which sounded unenthusiastic or uncaring when you didnt mean to sound like that? do you seem angry when you’re not? borderlines almost always recognise the emotions of others before people without BPD do, especially anger. if you can tell you sound frustrated, we definitely can. it might help to ask us if there are any habits you have which can trigger these kinds of thoughts
  • make sure they know how much you care about them, because they’ll constantly worry that you’ve stopped. tell them you love them, tell them you hope they drive safe, tell them you’re there for them. even though they know.
  • remember that a relationship isn’t a one way street. your borderline partner has a responsibility to work on their behaviour and not hurt you, or upset you, or negatively impact things. they will mess up sometimes, they will sometimes snap when splitting, or say something manipulative, or hound you for attention. and you’ll mess up sometimes as well. talk about what went wrong, what’s hurting who, and how you’re gonna work around it.
  • be honest. be completely honest. if it’s not working, tell them. if it’s going well, tell them. if something is hurting you, tell them. if you’re worried something is hurting them, tell them.

that’s all i can think of for now but feel free to add more

guys, even i don’t have notifications on for lin on twitter