With the CS wedding coming up, I think it’s a good time to talk about the divorce. Because the truth is there’s no version of reality in which this particular marriage doesn’t fall apart. OUAT might be off the air before we see it, but that doesn’t alter the fact that it’s inevitable. Want to know why I’m so sure? Good! Because I made a list…
1. They have literally nothing in common. I mean, I guess they both had shitty childhoods, but by that logic Emma ought to be marrying Archie. Or, you know, Regina.
2. I mean seriously, what do Emma and Hook even talk about? There’s a reason whenever we see them on their own they’re making out. Because they must spend the rest of the time in slightly awkward silence.
3. Emma’s a modern woman - she’s kind of forgotten it at the moment, but she’ll remember soon. And Hook is very much not a modern man. He asked her father for permission to marry her BEFORE HE EVEN SPOKE TO HER ABOUT IT. I know how I’d react if my partner ever had the nerve to do that to me.
4. They’re unbelievably bad at figuring out what the other one is really feeling.
That’s why they’re so good at keeping terrible secrets from each other.
5. Speaking of which: they keep terrible secrets from each other. Pretty much all the time.
6. Hook has no real friends of his own, no job of his own, no life of his own outside Emma. That’s *incredibly* unhealthy for a relationship.
7. Emma is her worst self when she’s with him: selfish, self-absorbed and frequently miserable. ‘Marry a man who brings out the worst in you’ is a phrase that literally no one has ever said ever.
8. Emma doesn’t love Hook for who he is - she just likes the image of the dashing, handsome pirate who lets her play-act her perfect heterosexual marriage. She’s not going to deal well with him aging, or with the day-to-day revelation of his flaws that marriage brings. We saw that in the Wishworld, where all she could feel for old, drunken Hook was a contemptuous sort of amusement.
9. Actually I’m not sure Emma even really knows who Hook is. Every time he tries to talk to her about his past, she shuts him down. There must be a part of her that senses she couldn’t deal with - or love - the man he truly is.
10. Emma’s a lesbian. It’s something she’s obviously struggling to acknowledge, but then again she’s still younger than I was when I realised I’m gay, so she’s got plenty of time.
11. Also, she’s desperately in love with Regina. And you can only ignore the elephant in the room for so long, especially when you and the elephant are co-parenting a son.