Stan and Ford still take a research trip to the Arctic. But they are tropical Mers so they can’t swim in cold water any better than a human. To deal with this issues they made some heated tanks that they could sleep in as mers since they wouldn’t be ale to be mers during the day.
At some point of course Stan falls in the ocean, and Ford has to warm him back up. He gets cold enough that he reverts back to a mer and can’t change back till he’s warmed, and Ford just sticks him in a tub till his core body temperature is raised enough to handle the shock of submerging his entire body in a heated tank. Ford also makes him a lovely fish stew.
Gravity Falls Crack au: Stan somehow officially and (mostly) legally adopts everyone. By the time he’s got Ford out of the portal, he has a small army of adopted children who may or may not be criminals. Soos is the get-away driver bc he’s the oldest (he’s like Short Round, but less annoying), Wendy is a boss at breaking and entering, Mabel forgeries are incredible, Dipper is the best pick pocket and usually helps Stan plan their family bonding nights (heists), Pacifica is a natural grifter and knows all the laws inside and out and can talk them out of anything, Grenda is the muscle and can break any lock that can’t be picked fast enough, and Candy is the family mad scientist. Ford gets a much bigger family reunion, and thanks to the kids discovering the portal early on, he gets home several years ahead of schedule.
But like… just imagine how cute it was when Stanley got Gompers.
“Hey, great tour, here you go man.”
Stan blinks in surprise as a baby goat was shoved into his arms.
“Uh, unless this creature can barf up cold hard cash, I don’t know why you’re giving it to me.”
“Money is an illusion, man…. you gotta appreciate how the universe gives back… plus this goat can be a sustainable resource when it gets older… you can milk her and share the wealth of nutrients with your neighbors… it’s a miracle of life ,man.
“This is a male goat.” “Oh, my tour bus is leaving, peace out, stay beautiful man, life’s a journey.” “Hey! HEY! Get back here! No one swindles Stan Pines out of his money! ALSO TAKE YOUR STUPID GOAT WITH YOU! ”
The tour bus already zooms away. Stanley stands there at a complete loss with the baby goat in his arms.
Stanley drops him outside and is going to close the door on him. It bleats pathetically and looks up at him with large yellow eyes.
“Don’t look at me like that, it’s not my fault he abandoned you. Life’s rough that way, bud. It’s better you find out when you’re young.” Stanley grumbles. The goat bleats fornlornly and Stan grimaces. “Circle of life, kid. Something bigger and stronger will come along and eat you… probably a lion…. or monster… there are monsters out here ya know…” Stanley stares at the goat for another minute. “ARUGH FINE. Just stop lookin’ at me with those creepy eyeballs.” He picks up the goat and carries it inside. “This is a temporary living situation ya got that? Ugh, I have to figure out what to call you… what do goats even eat?”
“Alright, bath time over!” Stan says as he pulls his niece out of the tub.
The little girl- no older than four- whines. “I’m not ready!”
“Sorry, kid. That’s now how this works,” Stan says and grabs a bath towel.
He drapes it over her and she quickly pulls it back and glares at him with a smile. “Hey!”
Stan chuckles as he picks up Dipper and places him next to his sister.
Ford wanders into the bathroom. “Finished the dishes. How’d it go in here?”
“They didn’t splash each other for once,” Stan informs his twin.
Ford walks over and kneels in front of Mabel. “Is that right?”
“We were really good, Grunkle Ford!” Dipper informs proudly.
“I’m proud,” Ford replies was he carefully dries Mabel’s hair so it won’t get too tangled by rubbing the towel between his hands and moving his hands down to the ends of her hair.
Stan takes to drying his nephew’s hair in a messy way and then tickles him a little when drying his torso.
“Grunkle Stan!” Dipper squeals.
“What? I’m not doing anything!”
“Yes you are! You’re tickling me!”
Stan chuckles. “Can’t get nothin’ past you.”
“Can’t get anything,” Ford corrects as he gives Mabel her clothes to put on.
Stan whispers to Dipper, “Tell Grunkle Ford not to tell Grunkle Stan what to do.”
“Don’t tell Grunkle Stan what to do!” The boy insists.
Ford gives Stan an unamused look.
Stan laughs and kisses the top of Dipper’s damp head. “Thanks, kid!”
Dipper beams up at his grunkle and then lifts up his arms as the shirt is being put on him. “Hey, this is too big!”
“Mine is too!” Mabel observes after getting her shirt on.
“I’ve got a trick for that,” Stan says and rolls up the sleeves of the little boy’s hands. “There they are!”
Dipper wiggles his fingers at the man and earns a hearty chuckle.
“Look!” Mabel squeals to Ford.
“Look, little hands! I love gobbling little fingers,” Ford says and puts his lips over his teeth and pretends to eat the little girls’ fingers, causing her to squeal and yank them back.
Stan picks up and lightly tosses Dipper. “C’mon, let’s go to bed!”
“But I’m not sleepy!” Dipper insists just before he yawns.
“Coulda fooled me.”
Ford picks up his niece and asks, “Can I have a kiss?”
She gives him a sloppy kiss and zerberts him. She peels with laughter at her own hilarity and Ford can’t help but chuckle along with her.
The men take the children to their room and tuck them in.
“You forgot bedtime kisses!” Mabel complains.
“We could never forget bedtime kisses!” Stan insists just before he stoops down and kisses her cheek.
Just as he does this Ford stoops down and kisses Dipper’s cheek and ruffles his hair. Each child gives their grunkle a kiss on the cheek in return and then the ol’ grunks- as if choreographed for a play- switch sides smoothly, spinning around each other to get to their other nibling and do the same.
Dipper stepped into the darkened kitchen, yawning as he filled a glass with water from the sink. Between the day he’d had looking for clues, the news he’d gotten before dinner and then a couple hours of what Great Uncle Ford had called “debriefing” (which had been a mishmash of information about the mindscape that he’d had to absorb quickly and a number of long rambling tangents that he still couldn’t connect to anything) Dipper was thoroughly exhausted.
He grabbed an apple from the basket by the window and took a big bite, looking out the window as he munched on his snack. He’d finish this, then get ready for bed. One way or another, tomorrow was going to be a big day.
I have friends who haven’t caught up yet. don’t look at this, spoilers.
So I’m not usually super interested in all the Gravity falls alternate universes, buuuuuuut I read this funny comic by humming-fly and suddenly my creative juices exploded. In a less traumatic universe where two twin brothers didn’t fight and instead bought a boat and traveled the world, there comes a day when their two great niece and nephew come to spend the summer with them on their boat of mystery. hilarity ensues. long buried mysteries become uncovered. the show ends up being heart wrenching anyway.
Most of these were inspired by the title sequence. so what do ya’ll think?
Mabel and Dipper watched with
confused interest as Stan ran around the galley of the Stan O’War, messing with
dishes and checking obsessively on what was in the fridge.
“What’s going on?” Dipper
finally asked. Stan looked up.
“Gotta make sure the galley’s
ready for cooking Thanksgiving dinner.”
“It’s July,” Dipper said
shortly. “Thanksgiving is in November.”
“Not the Thanksgiving Angie and
her family celebrate,” Stan replied.
Mabel tilted her head.
“Wait, your wife has
Thanksgiving at a different time of year?
Why?” Mabel asked.
“It’s uh, it’s ‘cause…she’s
Catholic? The same reason she doesn’t
eat a lot of things.”
“Oh yeah, Grandpa said something
about you giving up some kinds of food because of your wife,” Mabel said.
“Why does being Catholic mean
she has Thanksgiving at a different time?” Dipper asked. Stan paused, the cogs turning in his head.
“Uh…it’s just how some religions
are. They move the holidays around,”
such bullshit, what am I even talkin’ about?
“Oh, like Orthodox Easter?”
“Yes, exactly!” Stan said
am I lucky that there’s a real example.
“Is there gonna be turkey?”
“No. She doesn’t eat poultry.”
“What? No turkey is like no marshmallow-covered
sweet potatoes!” Mabel gasped. “Oh no, Grunkle Stan, please don’t tell me
that there won’t be any marshmallow-covered sweet potatoes!”
“Nah, there’s gonna be. Daisy’s got a heck of a sweet tooth,” Stan
“…Who’s Daisy?” Dipper asked.
“One of my kids,” Stan replied.
“Dad didn’t say anything about
you having kids,” Mabel said in an accusatory tone.
“Yeah, well, there’s a lot of
things your dad doesn’t know about me,” Stan retorted, opening the fridge and
taking out a bowl of seaweed. “Anyways,
go clean your faces or whatever and wait on deck for Angie to get here.”
“Ooh, I’m so excited! We haven’t met Grauntie Angie yet!” Mabel
said. The door to the galley opened.
“I heard my name,” a voice
said. Stan looked over. An enormous smile bloomed on his face. Angie walked languidly over to Stan. “Hey there, darlin’,” Angie purred, kissing
Stan on the cheek. Stan’s grin was so
large it looked like it hurt.
“Hey, babe. How was work?”
“Same as always. Long, intense, met a lot of new people,”
“What do you do, again?” Dipper
asked. “Grunkle Stan said, but I can’t
remember.” Angie turned around and beamed
at her niece and nephew.
“Oh, howdy kidlets! Sorry, I didn’t see ya sittin’ there. I’m a singer.”
“Oh, wow! I love to sing!” Mabel enthused, leaning
forward. Angie smiled kindly.
“I bet you have a lovely voice, sugar-cube.”
“Aw, thanks. Will you sing for us, Grauntie Angie?” Mabel
asked. Angie exchanged a look with Stan.
“Hon, I would, but I usually
like to prepare before I sing,” Angie said gently.
“Then maybe you can sing for us
“I mean, I dunno how long it’ll
take Grunkle Stan to cook the food, but there should be plenty of time for you
“Kid,” Stan barked, “she’s not
gonna sing. She doesn’t wanna.”
“Oh,” Mabel said,
crestfallen. Angie sighed and took a
seat at the table with Mabel and Dipper.
“Singin’ in front of fam’ly ain’t
always the best thing,” Angie said carefully.
“Why not?” Mabel demanded. Angie ran a hand through Mabel’s hair.
“That ain’t information ya need
to know right now. But I have somethin’
ya might be interested in.” Angie took
the satchel off her back and dumped it out on the table. “Presents!”
“Ooh,” Mabel and Dipper said,
already combing through the variety of items Angie had brought back from the
farm. The door to the galley
opened. Stan looked up. Danny was standing in the doorway, in human
form and completely nude. Stan blanched.
“Hey-” Danny started. Stan coughed loudly to cover his daughter’s
voice. Danny frowned. Stan jerked his head in the direction of
Dipper and Mabel, who were still thoroughly engrossed by the shells and various
crustaceans in front of them. Danny’s
eyes widened. She nodded and closed the
door to the galley quietly. Stan cleared
his throat to mask the creak of the door’s hinges.
“Kids should be gettin’ here
pretty soon,” Stan said gruffly, rinsing the bowl of seaweed in the sink. “Dipper, Mabel, go get cleaned up. And swab the deck while you’re at it.”
“But Grunkle Stan-” Mabel and
“Sweetlings, there’ll be plenty
of time to look through my souvenirs after dinner,” Angie said. Mabel and Dipper exited the galley,
“I still don’t know what ‘swab the deck’ means,” Mabel whispered to
“I don’t think he knows what it means, either,” Dipper