what the wonka

My current situation
  • Me: I should be studying
  • My brain: THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA IS HERE you are sunlight and I moon DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING I want adventure in the great wide somewhere FIYEEEEEERO come with me and you'll be in a world of pure imagination I AM NOT THROWING AWAY MY SHOT it's the circle of life I CAN'T FIND USNAVI!


ask and u shall receive


1093. There are lots of Wonka candies at Honeydukes- mainly because Wonka himself was a student at Hogwarts once. A Hufflepuff, he was a very talented and creative student, particularly when it came to potions. They always came out absurdly sweet, though, no matter what.

“that’s the great thing about Johnny: he can convey something without saying anything, and if you can convey something without saying it, that’s magic. You don’t know what the guy is thinking but you just see turmoil and sadness and darkness and anger all under the surface and it’s great.”
- Tim Burton | quote from Empire Magazine, 2008.

willy wonka and the inventor mindset

roald dahl’s books, as fondly as i feel about them, have a habit of conflating good and evil with being good or bad at appreciating aesthetic things—just a bit too much.* what i like about charlie and the chocolate factory, but even more so about willy wonka and the chocolate factory (the 1971 movie adaptation) is that it gets much more specific about what exactly it thinks aesthetic appreciation does and doesn’t look like. so you have wonka, who is a kind of “perfect” creator. and you have charlie, who is a “perfect” consumer. and then you have this whole cast of characters that get taxonomized by their ability to appreciate wonka’s inventions.

*(matilda in matilda and charlie in charlie and the chocolate factory are both good-hearted children, mistreated and deprived by a world of tv-watching, cake-gorging philistines. the foxes in the fantastic mr. fox are starved by evil farmers, so they steal chicken and ham to have an enormous banquet. the big friendly giant in the bfg is tragically forced to subsist on the awful snozzcumber, but gets triumphantly served a delicious breakfast at the end. hell, james lives in a giant peach. we know the witches in the witches are evil because they do perverse things to food, eating pea soup and plotting to lace the candies in sweet shops with poison. the villains in his stories are, without fail, the greedy, small-minded and gluttonous. sensitive appreciators versus abusive authority.)

the “bad” young people, for example, consume unthinkingly, with the entitlement of never having been denied anything. the “bad” middle generation is too preoccupied with image and success to care about appreciation (the overworked parents). and the oldest generation is complacent and isolated (the bedbound grandparents). by contrast, the “good” young person (charlie) savors his chocolate. the “good” middle person, wonka, is a workaholic in the service of something beautiful. and the “good” older person, joe, has a flexible mind still capable of childlike wonder. (all present-day jokes about what a jackass joe actually is aside)

in willy wonka the people who are bad at art constantly attempt to prove their expertise, except their boasting only reveals how much they care about the wrong or trivial things. their motivations are egoistic. so on the surface, someone like violet “loves” gum, is always talking about the properties of gum—flavor, how long it lasts—but what she really wants is to be the authority of gum. when wonka tries to warn violet away from his experimental gum, she declares: “so long as it’s gum, then that’s for me.” and proceeds to authoritatively narrate her own transformation into a human blueberry.

some more ways that ego interferes with appreciation:

1. confident wrongness

WONKA: Now, don’t get overexcited!  Don’t lose your head, Augustus!  We wouldn’t want anyone to lose that!  Yet.  Now, the combination … This is a musical lock.  (He plays the opening to Mozart’s “Marriage of Figaro.”)

MRS. TEEVEE (decisively): Rachmaninoff.

2. irrelevant boasting

WONKA:  My dear Veruca, what a pleasure.  And how pretty you look in that lovely mink coat.

VERUCA: I’ve got three others at home.

3. cruelty or evasion in order to preserve authority

MR. TURKENTINE: What do you think [this chemical mixture] makes?

CHARLIE: I don’t know, sir.

MR. TURKENTINE: Of course you don’t know.  You don’t know because only I know.  If you knew and I didn’t know, then you’d be teaching me instead of me teaching you.  And for a student to teach his teacher is presumptuous and rude. Do I make myself clear?

CHARLIE: Yes, sir.

4. treating the unknown as “weird” or “disgusting” or trivial

MIKE: Boy, what weird looking coat hangers.


MR. SALT: What is this, Wonka?  Some kind of fun house?


MRS. GLOOP: What a disgusting, dirty river.

MR. SALT: It’s industrial waste, that.  You’ve ruined your watershed, Wonka.  It’s polluted.

WONKA: It’s chocolate.

VERUCA: That’s chocolate?!?

CHARLIE: That’s chocolate.

VIOLET: A chocolate river.

GRANDPA JOE: That’s the most fantastic thing I’ve ever seen.

what’s peculiar about willy wonka is that superficially, wonka himself is quite egoistic. he’s obscure, and glib, and his teasing would be nearly cruel if the people were capable of detecting that he was teasing. this is a very different quality for a “good” authority figure in a dahl story to have. wonka does not have the motherly kindness of miss honey or the grandmother in the witches. i would call the book wonka impish, but the movie one is downright trollish. i’m not even sure if dahl would endorse him.

compare this wonka exchange with the one charlie had with his chemistry teacher:

WONKA: (as he mixes a concoction) Invention, my dear friends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, … six percent electricity, … four percent evaporation, … and two percent butterscotch ripple.  

(He tastes.)

MRS. TEEVEE: That’s a hundred and five percent!

MR. SALT: Any good?

wonka is being undeniably evasive. he doesn’t expect the people to understand his process, and so he doesn’t share it. he doesn’t even bother to have patience. but unlike the chemistry teacher’s evasion, which is a wall that you can breach with flattery or obedience (ego things), wonka’s acts as a kind of filter. the right person will notice that wonka’s flippancy is the real explanation of his invention process. he is saying: the specifics of this experiment do probably matter, but actually telling you the specifics would just lead you to cargo cult the wrong things (imagine: people writing in moleskines because hemingway did), but here is the attitude that helps me discover the right process. he is saying: if you can think in this magical, imaginative, irreverent way that values beautiful things, you can probably make beautiful things too. people who are good at art, who are good at inventing, are often characterized by this kind of disguised dismissal. that quality that says, simultaneously: “you don’t deserve my seriousness yet” and “but i am giving you an invitation to play.” people that are cargo-culting the impatience of the competent do not leave these sorts of openings. they have no desire to be actually understood because if they were understood it would be clear that their motivations had to do with ego and not making something good.

the utter disappointingness of most of the golden ticket winners makes wonka’s impatience sympathetic. it’s understandable. but i wouldn’t say that the movie advocates it, exactly, and i wouldn’t say that i do either. it’s a side-effect of the good thing, but meanness is not itself the good thing. i say this because the end of the movie strikes an interestingly upsetting emotional tone. wonka yells at charlie, and it hurts because we know that charlie is good, and wonka is supposed to recognize that. his impatience was only supposed to be for people who don’t get it, not charlie. what good is wonka’s filter if even charlie wouldn’t make it through? and if wonka values joy and whimsy so much, why would he be bothered by charlie playing with the fizzy lifting drinks? but wonka is surrounded by half objects during this scene—half a clock, half a cup, half a hat—and we understand that wonka is just half-done person himself. imperfect, not magic, and lashing out because a boy he was hopeful about disappointed him (about the gobstopper, to be clear, not the fizzy lifting drinks). it complicates the bichromatic morality of dahl’s books, in other words, while still nakedly valuing the sincere appreciation of beautiful things. 

(EDIT: i was talking to my brother and he/we had the additional insight that wonka being disappointing to charlie and/or the audience conveys the idea that being disappointed in your idols–the way wonka is disappointed in everyone else–is a key, painful process of developing your own artistic attitude. maybe you don’t even feel disappointed, but simply aware that the idol cares about something you don’t, or in a way that you think is wrong. and you feel motivated to improve on them.)


For some reason, I get emails from the GOP and Drumpf. Today’s email was regarding his approval ratings. Note the options for the poll. Anyone who has ever taken a statistics, sociology, or psychology class can tell you that this poll is not at all scientifically viable. The options are all positive descriptors and there’s too much that can be meant by ‘other’ to give you an accurate reading of this idiots approval rating. This is why he thinks he’s so universally adored. This is the kind of thing his followers show him to give him an ego boost. But you know for a fact that if it was Hilary, Bernie, or even Obama, the choices for a poll conducted by the GOP would be negative.

I might lose followers for this but Bo bo bo bo bo….eh?
Bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo…eh?
Bo bo bo bo bo bo bo…eh?
Bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo bo
He he he arrgh!
My daddy and my mommy and my daddy and my mahhhmy d-daddy and my momy and my
Jesse Pinkman in the house
Little Bitch
I made you my bitch!
the danger(danger,danger)
I Am
The one who knocks(knocks,knocks,knocks)
Say my name…..
Mr White
Goddamn right!
Say my name….
Willy Wonka?
Walter White?
You’re goddamn right!
My name is ASAC Schrader
It’s Hank…
His name is Hank…
It’s time for YOU to listen to ME!
Fuck yourself….
Ha…ha WOW
Ha…ha WOW
Just listen to me!!
Fuck yourself
Ha…ha WOW
Fuck yourself….
Ha…ha WOW
Tic tic tic
Tic tic tic tic tic
Ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha
You are not the guy
You’re not capable of being the guy
I had a guy but now I don’t
You…are not the guy!
You are not the guy
You’re not capable of being the guy
I had a guy but now I don’t
You…are not the guy!
I had a guy but now I don’t…
The guy…
I had a guy but now I don’t…
The guy…

It kind of confuses me when people talk about how charming and whimsical Gene Wilder as Wonka was? Like, to me as a kid Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory was without question a survival horror.
My parents tried to assure me that the children all lived, but I never believed them for a moment. (I had already discovered the truth of their deceit when they told me that the thief at the start of Aladdin survived and was turned into the magic carpet.) 

The hell tunnel did nothing to strengthen their position either. 

To little five year old me, Willy Wonka was a plumb suit wearing Jigsaw, playing with the lives of these bratty kids and their equally bratty parents. For real. I really honestly thought he was a bad guy and watched the movie from that perspective. 
The monotone singing, the singular lack of emotion as one by one each child is apparently chopped up, popped like a zit or burned alive (I always thought Mike TV got off easiest because we actually saw him leave with his mother. Anything you can kind of walk away from, right?) 

Then there’s his strange, possibly inhuman henchmen (I think I kind of thought of the Oompa Loompas as dwarvish creatures bound to Wonka’s service through some sort of fairy loophole trickery. Even if I didn’t have the vocabulary or folkloric awareness to express it in that way).
Wonka was an evil mastermind luring small groups into his scintillatingly sweet labyrinth of murder like a curly haired vampire lord in need of fresh blood to survive the next thousand years of dark slumber. 

I mean, I can appreciate Wilder Wonka from another angle now. Seeing him as an excessively creative man who, after being stolen from, has become cynical of those outside his self contained dream world. 
But even twenty some odd years later I’m afraid I still find him a vaguely sinister figure. 

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

Johnny Depp Characters as The Signs

Based off of typical positive and/or negative traits.

Aries - Captain Jack Sparrow
Taurus - J.M. Barrie
Gemini - The Mad Hatter
Cancer - Gilbert Grape
Leo - Victor Van Dort
Virgo - Ichabod Crane
Libra - Barnabas Collins
Scorpio - Wade “Cry-Baby” Walker
Sagittarius - Willy Wonka
Capricorn - Sweeney Todd
Aquarius - Ed Wood
Pisces - Edward Scissorhands

Who did you get?

Charlie: Aren’t you the candy man?

Wonka: What? I don’t even get…Why would…I…I’ve never sold candy to anyone anywhere. It’s none of your… You have the nerve, the audacity… And how… How do I know, frankly, that you’re not the candy man? Maybe you are. Maybe you’re trying to throw me off.