do people not realize how hard it is to share your personal thoughts and feelings regarding your own mental illness ,,, even to the people closest to you… like the major reason you keep that shit locked up inside is so that you don’t hurt other people with it ,,, or maybe you’re just genuinely not okay with letting the whole world know about the darkest parts of yourself??
like fuck i’ve done some pretty fucked up shit because of my mental illness that i know i would be judged the hell out of for or called crazy or what have you, and no one close to me knows about any of it because 1 i don’t want to hurt them more than i already have and 2 its in the past and i would like to keep it there and 3 theres such a stigma in society about mentally ill people anyways that even if you as much as mention you suffer from an illness people are already looking at you differently, so just imagine how people would react if they knew literally every last little detail???
maybe that’s why i’m so pressed about of all of the hate posts about even but his manic episode was quite literally broadcasted to his entire school and i can’t even imagine how hard that must have been for him having to deal with all of the shit from everyone else afterwards on top of already going through managing his disorder like ,,, i get chills just thinking about it and it makes me physically ache for how much pain he must have been in
so no i don’t blame even for not wanting to discuss his past with isak because i’m sure he’s absolutely terrified that once isak learns everything he’s going to see him differently because its happened to him many times before and he doesn’t want to lose everything he has now, besides the fact that he doesn’t want to hurt isak, that’s the last thing he would ever want to do