what the hell did i just make i don't even

Holy fucking shit.

Outlast 2 is hard to stomach.

  • friend: are you okay?
  • what i say: yeah im fine
  • what i want to say: cats is back on broadway and honestly who asked even asked for it to come back, who the hell is in charge of that like the fact that people paid to watch grown adults prance around in full cat leotards makes me uncomfortable i just don't know if i can live knowing that somewhere out there someone is sitting watching cats on broadway by choice???? 2016 has been bad enough did we really need cats to come back???,?

“starscream is just as bad as megatron”

yes, oh, of course

the balance of power here is clearly equal. I’m a bit rusty on definitions, but it’s equal when one person’s begging for death and the other thinks it’s a sport, and a disappointing one at that?

It’s equal when you induct someone into a cause that you lead, and then proceed to pretend that its failure was entirely their fault?

When your first response to literally soul-destroying pain is the name of the other-, not as a curse, not as Megatron!, but a question, almost a plea, stuttered– M-Megatron?

Like, listen. Starscream’s generally, across the continuities, a villain, yes. He kills people, he does terrible shit, but who the hell hasn’t at this point? And that certainly doesn’t qualify him as on the same level as Megatron; hell, we don’t even know what he did before Megatron’s war in IDW! His existence begins, for the reader, when he meets Megatron! We never know what kind of person he is, or could have been, were he free from that influence. 


Would you trade this war to make it so? It is some kind of hell to be forced to choose one irreplaceable thing over another.

miscellaneous horror starter mega-post
  • "What the hell was that noise?"
  • "No, don't come any closer!"
  • "Do NOT turn around. It's behind you."
  • "I thought you were dead."
  • "Why is it so dark here?"
  • "You're going to be my first victim."
  • "Did you just see that?"
  • "Who the hell are you? Stay away!"
  • "Is this your blood?"
  • "Leave this place."
  • "What the hell happened here?"
  • "No, you can't go in there."
  • "Shhhh... don't make a sound."
  • "I swear I saw that move!"
  • "That's just a mask... right?"
  • "Are we gonna die tonight?"
  • "You can scream all you want but they won't hear you."
  • "This wire can cut through meat and bone easily."
  • "Please, please turn the lights on."
  • "Are you sure this is safe?"
  • "Trust me, I've done this ritual before."
  • "There's so much blood... where did it come from?"
  • "Hey, this isn't funny."
  • "Even if you struggle, you won't be able to escape."
  • My muse is a ghost haunting yours
  • Your muse is a ghost haunting mine
  • My muse is an exorcist and yours is possessed
  • Your muse is an exorcist and mine is possessed
  • Our muses are in a zombie apocalypse
  • Our muses are discussing doing a "killer clown" prank
  • My muse buys a haunted videogame cartridge
  • Your muse buys a haunted videogame cartridge
  • Our muses perform an ouija ritual
  • Our muses attempt to summon Bloody Mary
  • Our muses come across the kuchisake-onna
  • My muse is a murderer and yours is their victim
  • Your muse is a murderer and mine is their victim
  • My muse is a kidnapper and yours is their victim
  • Your muse is a kidnapper and mine is their victim
  • My muse is stalking yours
  • Your muse is stalking mine
  • Our muses move into a house that is haunted
  • My muse is a vampire
  • Your muse is a vampire
  • Our muses witness the appearance of a ghost
  • Our muses are exploring an abandoned building
  • Your muse stabs mine
  • My muse stabs yours
  • Your muse jumps out and scares mine
  • My muse jumps out and scares yours
  • My muse screams and yours overhears
  • Your muse screams and mine overhears
  • My muse tries to strangle yours
  • Your muse tries to strangle mine
  • My muse bites yours
  • Your muse bites mine
  • My muse tells yours there's something in the room
  • Your muse tells mine there's something in the room
  • My muse breaks into your muse's home
  • Your muse breaks into my muse's home
  • My muse attacks yours while they're sleeping
  • Your muse attacks mine while they're sleeping
Kuroko's first kiss.
  • Kise: Nee, nee, Kurokocchi, have you kissed anyone-ssu?
  • Kuroko: Eh? Kiss?
  • Kise: Yes, yes-ssu. Have you?
  • Aomine: What kind of question is that, Kise?
  • Kise: I was only wondering. I bet Kurokocchi was popular back in Elementary, right, Kurokocchi?
  • Kuroko: I was not popular ever since I was born, though.
  • Aomine & Kise: Eh?
  • Kuroko: Since I'm invisible among the others, it's hard to take their attention on me.
  • Aomine: You're right. Though, like what Kise said, have you kissed anyone?
  • Kuroko: I have... not.
  • Aomine & Kise: Eh?! Really?
  • Aomine: No kidding! Not even on the cheek?!
  • Kuroko: Why are you surprised about it?
  • Kise: Kurokocchi!! You're almost at the age where kissing another person is legal-ssu!
  • Kuroko: I don't see the problem of that. I bet you two haven't kiss anyone other than yourself.
  • Aomine: I've kissed someone though!
  • Kuroko: Aomine-kun, yourself is not include of 'someone'.
  • Aomine: Oi!
  • Kise: Pft, lame, Aominecchi.
  • Aomine: 'ch, I bet Kise hasn't kiss anyone.
  • Kise: I do! I do-ssu. I kissed a ton of girls, though. But not in the lips!
  • Aomine: Player.
  • Kise: Eh?!
  • Kuroko: Disgusting, Kise-kun.
  • Kise: Eeeh!?
  • Murasakibara: Eeeh, what are you guys talking about? Let me join~
  • Midorima: It seem that you three are talking about nonsense crap-nodayo.
  • Kise: Well, Midorimacchi is quite a egotism.
  • Midorima: That doesn't make sense at all, Kise.
  • Aomine: We were talking about if Tetsu had kissed anyone.
  • Murasakibara: Kuro-chin kissed someone?
  • Kise: No, if he had his first kiss taken.
  • Midorima: So, have you?
  • Kuroko: No, Midorima-kun.
  • Midorima: I see. You are too young to share your germs.
  • Kise: Huh?
  • Aomine: Wait, wait. You sound like you kissed someone!
  • Midorima: I have. I always do it before leaving the house.
  • Everyone: No way! You?!
  • Midorima: What's to be surprised about? Everyone do that.
  • Kuroko: Could it be that Midorima-kun is living in the same roof with a girl?
  • Midorima: Huh?
  • Kise: I never knew that Midorimacchi is that type of guy-ssu.
  • Aomine: Does she have a big boobs, Midorima?
  • Murasakibara: Does she know how to cook, Mido-chin?
  • Midorima: You all misunderstood this-nodayo. Of course I'm living in the same roof with my mother and my younger sister.
  • Everyone: ... oh.
  • Midorima: Why do you all sound so disappointed?!
  • Akashi: What's this? A private meeting?
  • Midorima: Akashi!
  • Akashi: Hmm, you guys are talking about kiss, huh? That's a rare topic to talked about.
  • Aomine: So, Akashi, since you are here, have you kissed anyone?
  • Akashi: Hm? I did.
  • Everyone: Eh?! Who is it?!
  • Akashi: Tetsuya.
  • Kise: Kurokocchi?!
  • Aomine: What?! Oi, Akashi, don't make anything up!
  • Akashi: I'm not making things up. Ask Tetsuya.
  • Midorima: Is this true, Kuroko?
  • Kuroko: Yes, it is.
  • Kise & Aomine: But you said you haven't kissed anyone?!
  • Kuroko: Oh, I thought we're talking about kissing girls since Kise-kun is here.
  • Aomine: Gender doesn't even matter, you know.
  • Kuroko: I'm sorry.
  • Kise: Kurokocchi's first kiss is Akashicci?!
  • Midorima: I didn't expected that.
  • Murasakibara: Papa-chin and Mama-chin~
  • Aomine: Oi, what the hell...
  • Akashi: Tetsuya's lips is only mine. Just saying... Let's go, Tetsuya.
  • Kuroko: Yes, Akashi-kun.
  • Kise: ... Uu.. I was hoping to get Kurokocchi's first kiss, though.
  • Aomine: Same here.
  • Murasakibara: Eeehh~ So we all have the same intention?
  • Kise: Even Midorimacchi?
  • Midorima: Yes-nodayo.
  • Everyone: That guy always wins, though.
Condoms and Crazy Grandmas !!!
  • <p> <b><p></b> <b></b> I always thought Draco to be thin, I mean not thin-thin but you know muscular and lanky.<p/><b></b> So imagine in some weird AU, Hermione has this crazy-no-filter-says-whatever-that-comes-to-her-mind Grandma.<p/><b></b> Then one day Hermione brings around Draco to meet with her.<p/><b>Hermione:</b> hey, Grandma. This my boyfriend, Draco.<p/><b>Draco:</b> it's a pleasure meeting you ma'am.<p/><b>Grandma:</b> Humph! No one calls me ma'am except those policemen who caught me while I was doing an eighty with a bottle of Vodka. So call me Grandma.<p/><b>Hermione:</b> Grandma! When the hell did this happen?<p/><b>Grandma:</b> Gah! Come off it, Missy. There was still half a bottle of Vodka left. I even said I could share it with them.<p/><b>Draco:</b> ...<p/><b>Grandma:</b> And look at your boyfriend.<p/><b>Hermione:</b> What? What's wrong with him?<p/><b>Grandma:</b> He should eat more. He is so skinny, I think a condom would pop right off him.<p/><b>Hermione:</b> GRANDMA!!! YOU DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT!!!<p/><b>Grandma:</b> well, it's true. Better make him wear two. Just in case.<p/><b>Draco:</b> ...<p/><b>Hermione:</b> ...<p/><b>Grandma:</b> what??? I don't want to babysit those blonde great grand babies yet. I am still young for all that shit.<p/><b></b> ...<p/><b></b> ...<p/><b>Draco:</b> *mumbles*You know that I don't need two?<p/><b>Hermione:</b> *sighs* I know babe. I know.<p/></p><p/></p>
Sting after watching Frozen (Part 2)
  • Rogue: [getting dressed]
  • Sting: *returns to bathroom again and knocks once more*
  • Rogue: Sting! Thank goodness you're b-
  • Sting: Do you wanna build a snowman?
  • Rogue: What the hell is wrong with you?!
  • Sting: Or ride our bikes around the hall?
  • Rogue: First of all, we live in an apartment. Second of all, we can't ride bikes due to our motion sickness. And third of all, what kind of stupid idea is that? Have you been hanging around Natsu too much again?
  • Sting: I think some company is overdue, I started talking to the pictures on the walls!
  • Sting: Hang in there, Joan.
  • Rogue: WHAT'D YOU CALL ME?!
  • Sting: It gets a little lonely, all these empty rooms, just watching the hours tick by! *makes tic-tock sounds*
  • Rogue: Oh my God if you want me to get out of the bathroom that badly FINE. JUST GIVE ME FIVE MINUTES JEEZ
Gamer's vs. Jocks
  • Gamer: Do you seriously enjoy watching this stuff?
  • Jock: Yup, sports are fun.
  • Gamer: But there's no action.
  • Jock: Sports are all action, dude.
  • Gamer: Yeah, but where's all the space marines? Where are the princesses to save? Are there any zombies to massacre? Can you even level up? I can't wrap my brain around this madness.
  • Jock: Do you love being the most irritating person on the face of the earth?
  • Gamer: I'm just trying to bond with you!
  • Jock: Yeah, I get that, but I play games too, man. It's really not that special anymore. Everyone does it.
  • Gamer: I mean, yeah, but have you faced off against the covenant on an epic ring planet? Have you fought bare fisted with a super mutant in the Nevada wasteland? Have battled an epic underwater behemoth just to save a little girl with mutant powers? Have you teamed up with five other heroes in order to transport a-
  • Jock: Dude, I fucking get it. You play video games. You're just straight up referencing some of the most popular video games out there at the moment and you're not impressing me. Now will you shut the fuck up. This Parcheesi match is finally getting good and I'd like to actually watch instead it instead of listening to ramble off Buzzfeed's top ten best video game list.
  • Gamer: *internally* Dammit, video games don't capture his attention like they used to. I need to find something new to impress him with or he won't bother hanging out with me anymore.
  • *weeks later*
  • Jock: *casually skinning potatoes in his kitchen*
  • Gamer: *falls through the ceiling, wheezing* Hey, man.
  • Jock: Holy shit, dude! Are you okay?
  • Gamer: *coughs up dust* I'm fine. Great even.
  • Jock: You're so pale, dude. You look like you're dying. Oh my god, there's stuff growing on you.
  • Gamer: Those are mushrooms.
  • Jock: Jesus, we need to call someone!
  • Gamer: No, don't. It's my new hobby. I'm a mushroom collector now. It got kind of out of hand. *coughs up spores* But, I'm fine.
  • Jock: I'm calling an ambulance.
  • Gamer: No, stop! *grabs onto the jock's legs*
  • Jock: *shakes him off*
  • Gamer: *hand flies off*
  • Jock: What the fuck!?
  • Gamer: Oh, no! How am I going to game now?
  • Jock: What did you do to yourself?
  • Gamer: Alright, I ate some really weird mushrooms I ordered online.
  • Jock: Why the hell would you do that?
  • Gamer: I wanted to impress you by making think I was into drugs since you don't think video games are cool anymore.
  • Jock: Why the hell would you think doing drugs would impress me?
  • Gamer: I don't know. Aren't like all jocks and extroverts into drugs and stuff?
  • Jock: Fuck no! What the hell is wrong with you? I'm not even a jock. I just like watching sports every now and then. You have all these weird beliefs about how people function and it all comes from video games and comics and movies. Have you ever had a single realistic thought in your life? This is why our relationship isn't working out. You think everything works like a goddamn cartoon and blah blah blah blah...
  • Gamer: *internally* God, I've gotten myself into a bad situation. I wonder what Adam Jensen from Deus Ex: Revolution would do in this situation? Or Samus from Metroid? Or Sans from Undertale? Or... uhh... Dark Souls guy?
  • Jock: Are you listening to me!?
  • Gamer: Huh, what?
  • Jock: I said that I'm breaking up with you.
  • Gamer: No, you can't! We still haven't leveled up into marriage.
  • Jock: You're the worst boyfriend ever and possibly the dumbest person ever too. You can stay here and enjoy your mushrooms or video games or whatever. I'm leaving, and don't bother calling me. *storms out of the kitchen angrily*
  • Gamer: Wait, before you go you should actually call an ambulance! I can't walk because my legs became a very heavy chitinous substance.
  • Gamer: Hello, are you there?
  • Gamer: You're not really going to leave me here, are you?
  • Gamer: ...Dude?
  • *later*
  • Gamer: *his body is covered entirely in mushrooms. he has been converted into nothing more than a chitinous food source for budding mushroom children which now infest the once vibrant kitchen of this poor gay couple. let this be a cautionary tale for all of you drug doers out there. the deep web is real and dangerous. don't order strange drugs from off the internet. you'll go to hell before you die. i know this is more serious than the typical funny-relatable post, but i believe this is an important message. thank you for reading this very special update and please stick around for us for future developments.*

woozihacks  asked:

“Come out. Please.” and Daisuga!! :)

Bless your soul this one was so much fun to do. (1200 words counts as microfic … right … ?)

Hiding in the closet sure is ironic

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Words: 1261

“Come out. Please.”

Daichi’s voice was muffled through the wood door, cool against Suga’s burning cheek. He could swear his lips were still tingling, which seemed very ironic to him considering how that whole thing had gone down, and he curled in further on himself, burying his face in his hands. How was he supposed to look Daichi in the eyes again … ?

“You’re going into overthinking mode again.”

How on earth was it overthinking mode when it was the only sensible thing to know that a friendship wouldn’t recover from something like a drunk love confession and a very horribly aimed kiss which was mostly upper lip and a bit of nose and then squeaking and hiding in a closet as soon as he saw his friend/crush/captain the next day and honestly a closet how ironic could he even get -

“Suga. I can hear your anxious thoughts through the door. Don’t turn into a goofball, too.”

“Don’t be so hard on Asahi, he’s doing his best,” Suga mumbled back, miserably.

He didn’t want to talk about Asahi right now. He didn’t want to talk about anything. In fact, he just wanted to cease existing for a bit.

Maybe he should move countries. And change his name. And rewire his heart because that damn thing and the damn feelings had made him do all this in the first place and he would never touch alcohol again in his life and it had been a bad idea anyway and -

“Are you going to stay in there all day?”


Keep reading

the walking dead season 5 starters
  • We should never have put up the signs.
  • What the hell did we think was gonna happen?
  • We brought them here.
  • We were trying to do something good. We were being human beings.
  • There's a compound bow and a machete with a red handle. That's what I'm gonna use to kill you.
  • I don't have any friends. I mean, I know people. They're just assholes I stay alive with. I don't have any friends.
  • It's funny how you don't even notice the time go by.
  • Horrible shit just stacks up day after day. You get used to it.
  • I haven't gotten used to it.
  • The signs they were real. It was a sanctuary. People came and took this place.
  • I sure as hell can't take a dead one down with sharp buttons and hella confidence.
  • I have no weapons of any kind. The word of God is the only protection I need.
  • I'm a sinner. I sin almost every day. But those sins, I confess them to God, not strangers.
  • Good news is you're not dead yet.
  • If it makes you feel any better, you taste much better than we thought you would.
  • I've been bitten, you stupid pricks! I'm tainted meat!
  • Nightmares end. They shouldn't end who you are. And that is just this dead man's opinion.
  • Sorry I was an asshole.
  • I guess it's easy to make a deal with the devil when you're not the one paying the price.
  • Welcome to the human race, asshole.
  • You said we get to start over.
  • Why don't you say what's really on your mind?
  • I don't think we get to save people anymore.
  • I don't know if I believe in God anymore or heaven, but if I'm going to hell, I'm making damn sure I'm holding it off as long as I can.
  • Your eyes were open, but you didn't want to see. Even though I made you see it. I showed you. But did you adapt? Did you change? No
  • You told me you'd earn your keep.
  • You had no idea what you were talking about, did you?
  • Plan just got dicked!
  • We tell ourselves that we are the walking dead.
  • People out there are always looking for an angle. Looking to play on your weakness. They measure you by what they can take from you. By how they can use you to live.
  • You know, everyone's been through it somehow. Everyone.
  • You can never tell anyone, especially your mom. Because if you do one morning you'll wake up and you won't be in your bed.
  • No one will come to help because no one will hear you.
  • The monsters will come.
  • You ever heard about the broken window theory? Boils down to this-- you keep the windows intact, you keep society intact.
  • So you’re aware, I’m on record as stating that I should not be here. You well know that I’m not combat ready or even for that matter combat inclined.
  • God, you're really that much of a coward?
  • Your way is gonna destroy this place. It's gonna get people killed. It's already gotten people killed. And I'm not gonna stand by and just let it happen. If you don't fight, you die.
  • I don't want to lie anymore.
  • Oh, sunshine, you don't get both.
  • I could kill you right now.
  • You're a small, weak nothing. And with the world how it is, you're even weaker.
  • Play your cards right, maybe you don't have to die. And I want my dish back clean when you're done.
Angry Starters
  • "The fuck was that about?!"
  • "What's your problem?!"
  • "Jesus Christ, did I step on a fucking bomb or something?"
  • "Woah, woah, WOAH!"
  • "Would you calm the hell down?!"
  • "You're being ridiculous!"
  • "Don't fucking touch me."
  • "Just leave me alone!"
  • "I can't even stand to look at you!"
  • "I really hate you sometimes."
  • "Why do you have to be so difficult?"
  • "If I wanted your input, then I'd ask for it!"
  • "My God, would you shut up?!"
  • "I'm gonna throttle you-"
  • "Do you wanna take this outside?!"
  • "Stop talking like that!"
  • "Tell me what happened!"
  • "Who did this?!"
  • "They're gonna wish they'd never touched you!"
  • "Would you let me help?!"
  • "Don't make me hold you down!"
  • "Shut up."