what the hell david

anyways to this day the Purest thing ouat has ever subtly thrown in there is the fact that killian tells david “you would have loved my brother” as a way of saying “the two of you are very similar” and then it turns out that killian’s brother was his hero & idol for like ,,,, his whole life

2016 Freaking Sucks
  • 2016: How many more beloved humans do you think I can murder before the year's over?
  • Everyone: Please, no. Just stop. We've all had enough.
  • 2016: Is that a challenge?
  • Everyone: No.
  • 2016: Sounds like a challenge.
  • Dec 31 2016: *blows up the world*
Nicknames I've Given The Agents

- Founding Father (Rossi)
- Foxy Grandpa (Rossi)
- Soccer Mom (Hotch)
- Adorable Little Bunny That Must Be Protected At All Costs (Reid)
- Princess Peach (Reid)
- Awkward Asexual Dork (Reid)
- Big Buff Chocolate Creme Puff (Morgan)
- Mother Grizzly (J.J.)
- FBIsexual (J.J.)
- SSA Agent KEEP EVERYTHING A SECRET FROM HER FRIENDS (Prentiss)
- RAGING ((literally raging)) LESBIAN (Prentiss)
- Goddess of Technology (Garcia)
- My Wife (Garcia)
- Ray of Beautiful, Brilliant Sunshine (Garcia)
- WHOVIAN TRASH (Garcia + Reid)
- “Gal Pals” (J.J. + Prentiss)
- “Just Really Good Friends” (J.J. + Prentiss)
- Eye Sex Addicts (Morgan + Reid)
- Old Man Husbands/Old Married Couple (Hotch + Rossi)
- The Dead Lovers Club (Hotch + Rossi + Reid)

Lucky Day

I forgot to buy cranberry sauce, and you have the last can. Don’t make me fight you AU.

word count: 812

happy turkey day everyone!

She scrapes the snow and ice off her car with a shiver. Of course, the first real snow of the entire year had to happen on Thanksgiving.  She tosses her ice scraper in the back seat and gets into the car. She turns up the heater and buckles up. As she pulls out of her driveway, she gets a nagging feeling that she’s forgotten something. The only trouble is she can’t remember for the life of her what it is.

She had her keys, her cell phone and directions to Mary Margaret and David’s new house. What the hell was she forgetting?  Well, it must not be too important.

But a few minutes later, her phone goes off.

Remember the cranberry sauce!

Oh, shit!

Mary had specifically asked her to bring it. She knew that it wouldn’t be that big of a deal because Mary was the sweetest person ever. But they put on this huge feast every year and only asked her to bring one thing. Plus, Mary had reminded her several times. So, she makes a hard right turn and her tires slide in protest.

When she gets to the grocery store the parking lot is absolutely packed. She groans as she sends a quick text to Mary.

Will b late.

Keep reading

8

Jonathan & Ish-Bosheth + Of Kings & Prophets 1.01 ‘Offerings of Blood’ 

There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes “What the hell is water?
—  David Foster Wallace, This Is Water: Some Thoughts, Delivered on a Significant Occasion, about Living a Compassionate Life
Watch on ddismyguiltypleasure.tumblr.com

It’s hilarious ;-) 

David: Fighting’s just gonna make it last longer. Which, for the record, is fine by me.

Negan: David! What the hell are you doing in here?

David: Negan, sir-

Negan: Do you really think I need you to answer that? I can see that you’re trying to rape this woman. You were trying to rape this woman, weren’t you? This is some unacceptable behavior. Rape is against the rules here. I wouldn’t wanna be somewhere where it wasn’t. Someone in charge who let something like that fly…whew. David. You really crossed a line here.

David: I’m sorry, sir.

Negan: You know what?

Negan: Get, uh…

Sasha: Sasha.

Negan: That is a beautiful name. Get Sasha here a new T-shirt. I’m sorry you had to see that. Sorry ‘but the rope, too. Probably overkill, but you did cause one hell of a fracas lastnight. […] You’ve got some beach-ball-sized lady nuts on you, coming in all kamikaze like that.


Negan: Either way, you must’ve thought it was gonna be the end, coming in on your lonesome like that. But that’s not the way it’s got to go. Unh-unh. Just the opposite. See, this…Well, this could be the beginning. This knife is yours now. You can try to use it, take me out, but considering I am standing above you, holding a basseball bat, that doesn’t seem real smart. Now, you can use it to slit your wrists, which would be a damn shame, but I get it. You’re obviously not on the shiny side of the street, given recent events. Now, you can sit there and do nothin’, wait for ol’ David to come back to life and eat your face, also a damn shame and kinda nuts, but, hell, to each their own. Or you can use that blade and stop ol’ Rapey Davey from becoming Dead-Alive Rapey Davey, dave yourself, join the cause. I know what I’d do.

Sasha: What?

Negan: I’m a man short. Hell, you can’t really call this piece of shit a man, but still, I’m short, and you got those beach-ball-sized lady nuts, and I wanna harness the heat comin’ off of ‘em. You can help me run this place one day, all of us together, following the rules, workin’ on the same side of things. That’s all this was ever about. And it still can be for you. I know it’s hard to picture, considering what I did. But, Sasha, we all got shit to get over.


Even if HE’S NEGAN, this is important.

I’m sorry in advance for saying this, really. I don’t like spreading negativity. But I need to get it out of my system.

So, Emma is trapped in this au in which she’s not the savior. To make her the savior, Regina threats to kill her parents and even when she pushed to the limits and they did die, Emma just bowled crying. But when Henry threats to kills Regina, Emma remembers everything? Like, what the hell. 

Back in storybrooke, Emma is gone and David is freaking out while Killian just chills?

Basically Emma was not Emma. And Killian was not Killian.

I choose to believe that this episode didn’t happen. Kind of sad that it was written by the show runners, they denied their own characters.