what the heck is a salad

sportarobbie restaurant feud au

i wait in line at a&w. i’m about to pay for a $20 meal for my friend and i. i grip my friends arm and mutter under my breath “…i just came up with one hell of a sportarobbie au”

- a classic restaurant feud

- sporto works at this fairly new bistro type place. it’s all vegan and raw and pretty pricey. lots of premium salads and herbal teas and protein boosts

- robbie works across the street at a family owned burger restaurant that’s been in the Rotten family for generations

- robbie works at the grill line with his brother glanni. glanni whispers something about that new restaurant across the street stealing customers and robbie wants to check it out.

- he walks in one day very nonchalantly and walks up to the counter

- sporto is all smiles as he says “hi, what can i get you? today’s special is a summer salad with raw almonds” and robbie nearly flips a table

- “what the heck kind of overpriced rabbit food are you selling?”

- robbie doesn’t care if the cashier is super cute, he’s mad as heck

- “this isn’t over, elf boy” “you shouldn’t be so negative if you haven’t tried it” “PFFFFT SHUT UP”

- can you imagine…the sign flipping feuds

- “I WAS AT THIS CORNER FIRST, SPORTAFLOP”

- robbie just kind waves the sign back and forth and sporto does that fancy sign twirling shit and as much as robbie hates him he can’t help but have heart eyes

- sporto closes up the bistro one night and he walks into the Rotten’s restaurant and keeps robbie company as he’s cleaning the grease traps

- “that looks…very unhealthy” “um have you looked at our menu”

- robbie is just really competitive and sporto is just so in love with Grease Boy

MY COUSIN IS FRIENDS WITH EDDIE REDMAYNE?!

Okay, so some of my family came over for dinner and one of them was my cousin, Marie. She’s from Ireland and works in film as a costume designer. We struck up a conversation about her work on a new TV show in town. • Me: Hey, have you heard of Eddie Redmayne? Marie: I know Eddie quite well actually. Me: *chokes on egg salad* Are– are you serious? Marie: Oh, yes! I’ve been to dinner with him many times. He’s a lovely, lovely man. Me: You’re kidding me. The conversation continued on about how they actually know each other (through a makeup artist that’s one of Eddie’s good pals) and the whole time I sit there like

Originally posted by dailynewtina

Neighbors - Michael 5SOS Imagine/Preference

You were settling in for a night alone at home. Usually this would consist of just running a hot shower, maybe make a salad, and watch Netflix, but tonight you wanted to have fun. Heck, you lived alone, nobody could tell you what to do. You raced over to the phone and ordered a pizza and then started working on your home alone playlist. You knew your new neighbors downstairs weren’t moving in for another three days, so this was your chance to stomp around and get crazy. You dressed up in a lion onesie and started prancing around your apartment like a badass. You stomped around and sang into your hairbrush, “LONG LIVE THE RECKLESS AND THE BRAVE I DON’T THINK I WANNA BE SAAAAAAAAVED.”

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Salad Fingers is a disturbing web series. The first episode (shown above) is the most tame. I would actually recommend watching it. It’s very weird but oddly interesting. However, the series gets gradually weirder from here. There are ten episodes in all. You can find the rest of them here (watch at your own risk). 

SPOILER ALERT: There are many theories of what salad fingers is actually about. Here is a video explaining a few of these theories. In my opinion, salad fingers is about a mentally disturbed soldier in an exaggerated aftermath of world war one. This is based off his description of a “great war” where soldiers fight in trenches. He lives in an area that has been bombed to heck (which explains the dead bodies he finds and his bomb shelter cellar-thingy). Salad Fingers has turned to self-harm as a way of coping with his situation. Another coping technique is his refusal to admit that those around him are dead. Some of the scenes provide insight into his disturbed past (such as the scene described in the explanation video). There are also some scenes thrown in for effect that are merely disturbing and have nothing to do with the overall story. 

Please feel free to add your own theory! 

*Me liveblogging The Empire Strikes Back* “Heck, I still think the weirdest part of this film is when Vader seems to truly think Leia, Chewie and Han will be chill and have lunch with him.”

*Vader* “So, um, it turns out I’m your dad. Weird,huh? Oh and I’m going to freeze to death the man you love. Now, where is the menu?”

*Leia* “No way! That’s messed up!””

*Han* “Can someone pass the salad or what?”

*Chewie moans about wanting extra large fries*