what should i even tag this as it's so stupid

  • My BPD: Anyways you're unnecessary and you should kill yourself
  • Me: What? No, that's stupid why-
  • My BPD: They're all out without you right now having a good time because you aren't there and they didn't want you there; they're not even thinking about you you aren't even going to hear from them ever again because they don't want to talk to you and they're better off without you
  • Me: ...wow that's tru u right :/

Okay but I need a story where Raphael, as a good catholic boy, does confessions.

He can’t be on the holy ground, so it’s not real confession, but he’s friends… he’s something with that old priest and they meet at the park, at any times of the years, and the priest feeds pigeons. Raphael always see how these stupid birds are the same as Mundanes.

There isn’t reconcilation room, and there isn’t sweet smell of candels, but Raphael still starts with “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”

Oh, has he sinned.

And he talks and talks - about new leadership, about his clan, he tries to talk about Simon - and he drowns in silence.

Pigeons clap their wings and don’t fly away.

Father Andrew doesn’t watch him, he watches birds, but Raphael knows he listens with intensity.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

“Do you consider homosexuality a sin, Father?”
Words are heavy on Raphaels tongue. He would say they taste like iron, but he knows taste of blood too well.
“Do I consider sex with the man a sin?” Father Andrew says it slowly, like thinking about it for the first time. Raphael knows it can’t be the case. Not nowadays.

But may be, just may be, for Raphael Father Andrew would reconsider it.

“Yeah, I would probably call that a sin.”
Raphael doesn’t shiver under this statement.
The wind ruffles the leaves on the trees.

“But love for the man? True love, forgiving love, selfless love? No, the kind of love like that cannot be a sin, my son.”

Father Andrew looks at him with the warm eyes. They are blue and grey, and not so bright as twenty years ago, but they - wiser. Closer to God, probably.

“I don’t know if my love is forgiving,” Raphael says. The betrayal - the look on the Simon face when it was called so - the rejection, not to Raphael, but to clan, to family… “I really don’t know.”

“You should try to find out,” Father Andrew says. With that kind, but still hard tone of voice twenty years ago he convinced Raphael, that killing himself is unforgiveable sin.

“In the name of Father, Son and Holy Spirit,” Raphael says.
Words are salty and bitter.

“Amen.”