what on earth shall i do

discorded-reality  asked:

What pets does everyone have?

We already have Theobald, who belongs to all the Sithmates. Since you didn’t specify, I shall do both Sith and Imperials. Won’t be too hard for this ask. 

Also I’ll be mixing it up with Earth pets and SW galaxy pets ;O where the fuck they gonna keep all these

Sith

vader: Blacky (ferret)

sidious: a million bees

maul: Warmonger (loth-cat)

savage: Mangle (tusk cat) and Killer (beta fish)

asajj: Rose (corn snake) and Jasmine (kiros bird)

dooku: Drusilla (a fucking krayt dragon) and Vlad (black stallion)

kylo: Snickers and Kevin (rats) 

nihilus: Woyunoks (lop-eared rabbit; “little one”; will bite you)

grievous: Gor Jr. (roggwart) and Atrocitus (leopard gecko)

inquisitor: Jaeger (varactyl) 

lana: Gilly (convor) 

Imperials

tarkin: Nora (cockatiel)

krennic: Princess (pomeranian)

hux: Millicent, of course

phasma: Mags (nexu)

yularen: Luna (yellow lab)

thrawn: Spaghetti (ysalamiri; Eli told him pets were sometimes named after food)

kallus: Wiggles (loth-cat)

eli: Skeeter (australian shepherd) and Gert (tortoise)

MBTI TYPES AS LOTR QUOTES

ISFJ: If I take one more step, it’ll be the farthest away from home I’ve ever been.

ESFJ: My dear Bagginses and Boffins, Tooks and Brandybucks, Grubbs, Chubbs, Hornblowers, Bolgers, Bracegirdles and Proudfoots!

ENTJ: If anyone was to ask for my opinion, which I note they’re not, I’d say we’re taking the long way round.

INTJ: I can avoid being seen if I wish, but to disappear entirely, that is a rare gift.

ENTP: You’ll find more cheer in a graveyard.

INTP: We never say anything unless it is worth taking a long time to say.

ESTP: He was twitching because he’s got my axe embedded in his nervous system!

ISTP
: Shall I describe it to you? Or would you like me to find you a box?

ENFP: What does your heart tell you?

INFP: Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.

ENFJ: What grace is given to me, let it pass to him. Let him be spared.

INFJ: The world is changed. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air.

ESTJ
: You’re late.

ISTJ: PO-TA-TOES!

ESFP
: What about second breakfast?

ISFP: So much death. What can men do against such reckless hate?

levy-anakin  asked:

Oo so I was thinking maybe Lance has a ton of weird knowledge because he loves reading books about different things (boats, building, animals/plants). So one day the gang is on a mission and someone gets a bomb strapped to them or there is just a bomb they need to defuse. Everyone is freaking out and trying to think. Lance gets near it and everyone just panics thinking he'll set it off, yelling/langst, then Lance defused it and everyone is in awe or something. I just love your blog!!

oh my god I’m so happy to hear that! I’m glad you enjoy my blog so much!

if it’s ok with you, I’m gonna do more of an overall plot ( and maybe mix in my own headcanons):

so pretty much, Lance grew up in an all Cuban house, he never learned English because he never needed to. he grew up helping his mama around the house or helping his father on his fishing boat.

that’s where Lance first fell in love with the stars. he would ask his dad all the time about them and the constellations they created. his father did his very best to fuel Lance’s interests, but they lived on a very low incomes, and alot of the time Lance didn’t get alot of stuff. he sometimes would skip meals and give hem to his younger siblings so that way they didn’t grow hungry. Lance didn’t get alot of books growing up, and any of the books about space were in English. when he heard about the Garrison, he knew he had to join. only problem was that it was in America, and Lance didn’t know English at all.

so Lance would go to the old library and pick up any English book he could get his hands on. childern’s books, worker manuals, how-to books, he read them all. he would learn both the English language as well as learn how to do anything the books were talking about. another way Lance learned English was watching American shows, he mostly stuck with historical or informational shows. learning how they talked and pronounced the words he’s red over time and time again. (the library only has a certain amount of English books, so he would reread he same ones over and over again) he also learned interesting facts about American history, or watch how to fix a car, he picked it all up.

when he finally applied to the Garrison, he was a ball of nerves. his English wasn’t the best, and his accent heavy in his voice as he sounds out different English words. but you can imagine how proud his family was when Lance didn’t just get accepted, but got a full ride scholarship as well. he promised to keep u his studies and that he wont let them down.

when he does get the Garrison, he realizes how bad his spoken English is compared to everyone else. many time he’ll say the wrong word or forget the English word entirely, and many chalk him up to being the class clown, thinking that he’s doing it on purpose. they don’t realize how much it hurts Lance whenever one of the teachers or another student calls him out for messing up a word or saying the wrong thing. Lance will spend all his time either in the simulation room or in the library, reading over and over different books about the most random of things, trying to both understand the lessons he was just taught as well as broadening his knowledge of the English language. it’s in the library that he met Hunk, and they both gain the first real friend at the Garrison.

now fast forward to the team meeting, and them releasing Allura and Coran, and forming Voltron and what not. Lance missing home so much because he misses his family, and wondering how they’re doing. he misses being able to speak his first Language, he misses calling up his brothers and talking to them explaining complex math and engineering that he learned that day, knowing how much his older brother loves talking about that kind of stuff.

every once in a while, Lance will slip up with his English and it’ll get either a couple of laughs or some scowls, the team thinking that he’s trying to mess around and pull jokes in very serious moments when really he just messed up and didn’t know the right word. Lance will do what he always does when he feels like he’s letting down everyone around him. he goes to the library. it took him awhile to find it, and everything was in Altean, but Lance didn’t mind. he enjoys learning languages and sets to work figuring out the Altean language.

then, some time later, during one to the training exercises, Allura decides to change things up a bit and do a team building exercise. she sets up a bomb (not a real one, that would be crazy) but she says its an old child’s game and while it doesn’t explode, it will make quite the mess if they don’t disarm it in time.

so everyone is talking, trying to figure out how to disarm the bomb, and every time Lance tries to add to the conversation, he gets talked over or ignored. Lance decides to look over the device, trying to recognize anything about it, or any of the words look familiar.  lance remembers about reading one of the books back at the Garrison about how to disarm a bomb (how it got into a space school, he doesn’t really know) and it looks to have the same basic design as one of them. all he really needs is to figure out which wire is the one to cut.

it seems that the others stopped talking at that time to seeing Lance hovering over the device with a pair of pliers, to which they freak out and pull him away, and right when he figured out which wire to cut, and chastise him for trying to do disarm the bomb without them, and some of the comments come off more rude than others and they even put him in a ‘time out zone’ for trying to eal with something very dangerous and sensitive, but they just didn’t want Lance to get hurt because he messed around with it. Lance merely stands back up and walks back over to the bomb, and picking out the right wires, he cuts them, to the teams horror, they brace for their gooey demise.

but nothing happens. the team is amazed that Lance actually defused the bomb. and of course they all crowd around Lance, asking how he did that and why he didn’t tell them he could do it and getting a few cheers of congratulations (mostly from Hunk) lance explains that he would read alot of books and informational shows to understand the English Language, and one of those books was about how to disarm a bomb. of course the others are surprised that English isn’t his first language (they assumed it was since he was at the Garrison) and he continues to explain that when he messes up his words,its not usually on purpose and that he honestly didn’t know the word in English. everyone apologizes about always getting on him when they thought he was joking, and he easily forgives them. afterwards, Shiro even comes up to Lance and personally apologizes about not figuring it out sooner, since he also struggled with learning English when he and his family moved to America. (cue bonding moment!)

and a little extra silliness on the side~

Lance knowing just the weirdest stuff about history, just odd tidbits that he picked u from those history shows, and just spouting them out at the most random of times.

“hey Lance, can you pass me that wrench?”

“did you know that in the 1700s, the french were scared of potatoes.”

“what? dude, that has nothing to do with getting the wrench! why on Earth would you say- you know what, screw it, why were the french scared of potatoes?!”

i know this wasn’t really angsty , but i hope you like it anyways! thank you so much for the ask!

Normal Horoscope:

Aries: Look back and think “What have I learned?” This insight can be anywhere from precious to lifesaving to hilarious.

Taurus: Violence is the answer. If your problem is metaphorical, you need metaphorical violence. Understand?

Gemini: Likely the most complicated math you will ever do is splitting the check, but don’t let that stop you. Artillery needs calculus and you shall paint the earth with plunging fire.

Cancer: The stars say you need more hexagons in your life. Get six sided my friend.

Leo: Those who do not walk the path of martial self-discipline will never know the feeling of splitting a table in half with a single blow. Badass.

Virgo: The ink is permanent but the canvas is endless. Draw dicks to your hearts content, there is always enough space for other things.

Libra: Swearing implies power and control. There are times when asserting your power and control is not needed and now you’re banned from Joann’s Fabric.

Scorpio: Milk chocolate is for the weak. 

Ophiuchus: Bright colors indicate poison, that a single touch can kill. Gummy candy is a great treachery. 

Sagittarius: The more you desire an answer, the less likely you are to notice that nobody asked a question. Rest.

Capricorn: Some things really are your fault. Abolish property law and socialize guilt.

Aquarius: Your time at art school is well spent. Even the times you weren’t legally allowed to be there.

Pisces: Space is a social construct. The physical distance between two points is an illusion we have already reached glorious singularity and it is nice to cuddle.

Torture sentence starters
  • “Oh god.. Oh please, god, no!”
  • “Please… Please..! I’ll do anything..!!”
  • “P-please.. Please don’t..”
  • “Anything but that.. Please, please! Stop!”
  • “Stop? Why on earth would I do a thing like that for?”
  • “We’re having so much fun!”
  • “We’ll have so much fun, you and I…”
  • “Look at the new toy I got for us to play with!”
  • “Shut up! Shut up!!”
  • “Oh please.. Like I haven’t heard that one before…”
  • “If I had a nickel for every time someone begged me to stop… I’d be fucking rich.”
  • “Ooh, look at that. Look at all the blood. Amazing, isn’t it?”
  • “Let’s crack open the hood and see what’s underneath, shall we?”
  • “You know what I love more than agonized screaming? The sound of people choking on their own blood. Very satisfying.”
  • “If you beg, I might just stop… Maybe. But only if you’re sincere.”
  • “Beg me, you stupid whore! Beg me to stop! Come on!!”
  • “Go ahead – beg for forgiveness. God’s the only friend you’ve got down here. ”
  • “Shut up or I’ll wrap your intestines around your throat like a scarf.”
  • “Ha ha! I love it when they scream!”
  • “Keep going… I love the sound of your voice.”
  • “Stop praying! There is no God here.”
  • “Shut the fuck up!!”
  • “Let’s play a game, shall we? It’s called, ‘how many of your organs can I remove before you die?’“
  • “Alright, here’s the deal… Since you scream every time you see me – let’s just remove your eyes, hm?”
  • “Has anyone ever told you how good you look in red?”
  • “Beautiful… Absolutely beautiful…”
  • “I’m not going to kill you… But I’m going to make you wish I would.”
  • “This is what you get! This is what you get for hurting me!”
  • “Do you like rats? I hope so. Because we’re going to play a little game with one that involves your stomach, a container, and an open flame.”
  • “Have you ever heard of abacination?”
  • “You’ve got cavities back there, you know. Why don’t remove those pesky teeth for you, hm?”
  • “Wake up! Can’t have you passing out on me.”
  • “I won’t scream.”
  • “I won’t tell you anything.”
  • “There’s no way I’m gonna tell you shit.”
  • “By the time anyone finds your body, they won’t be able to identify it.”
  • “No one is coming for you.”
  • “You won’t get away with this!”
  • “People will notice! They’ll look for me!”
  • “Stop, oh god, please! Please stop.. The pain..!”
  • “You’re insane!”
  • “Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing – I’ve got a medical degree, you know.”
  • “Shh, don’t cry. Don’t cry.”
  • “No tears now, okay? Everything will soon be over.”
  • “Stop! Please, stop! I’ll tell you anything! Just stop!”
  • “Tell me – how does this feel?”
  • “I hate you! Oh god, I hate you!”
  • “Fuck you!”
  • “Fuck off!”
  • “Oh, what a mess you’ve made…”
  • “You look like a mess.”
  • “Chin up, kid. It’ll be over soon enough.”
  • “I’m just going to borrow a few fingers, okay?”
  • “Could you lend me a ‘hand’? Yes? Oh good. I was planning on taking it anyway.”
  • “Shut up, I’m not going to kill you. You don’t deserve that kind of mercy.”
  • “You know why you’re here.”
  • “Own up to what you’ve done and maybe you’ll leave here alive!”
  • “What the fuck is wrong with you!?!”
  • “Please! Someone help! Anyone! Oh god.. PLEASE!”
  • “Not that – anything but that! P-please! PLEASE, NO!”
  • “Let me go. Please.. Please let me go…”
  • “I’ll tell you anything you want! Just please, please stop!”
  • “I’m not going to break that easy.”
Percy's Cuddle Therapy
  • Annabeth: *barges into the Poseidon cabin*
  • Percy: Um. Annabeth, It's one in the morning. What are you doing in my cabin?
  • Annabeth: I had a dream.
  • Percy: Let me guess, it was about——
  • Annabeth: About spiders.
  • Percy: I'm not going to get any more sleep tonight, am I?
  • Annabeth: Nope.
  • Percy: Then I shall cuddle you until the sun rises and burns all the spider flesh deep into the earth.
  • Annabeth: I love you.
  • *cuddles*
  • Dean: Well...last night on earth...what shall we do? ;)
  • Castiel: We should drink. A lot.
  • Dean: And?
  • Castiel: Then drink more
  • Dean: Yeah but, I mean there's other things that we could be doing
  • Castiel: Like....say goodbye??
  • Eileen: *To Sam* They're not going to try to stop it?
  • Sam: Yeah, yeah sure. It's okay they do this like once a year
  • Eileen: Okay...want to hang out in your room? :)
  • Sam: Yes! *Eileen and Sam run off*
  • Dean: I mean like, you wouldn't have to come with
  • Castiel: Well I'll go with you anyway
  • Dean: But you don't have to
  • Castiel: Well I'm going to, stop arguing with me!
  • Dean: Oh go play your stupid harp
  • Castiel: I DON'T HAVE A HARP!!

(( OOC: So. I know how fond you are all of Fem!Remus. Me too, guys, me too.

And doing We’ll Be Ghosts made me think a lot about the latter part of her story within the Fem!AU.

What happens when Sirius dies? How does she deal with that? And what about… Tonks? Genderbent Tonks?

And then I thought… do we need to genderbend Tonks?

As @lizziebennetnotinjapan rightly pointed out, Tonks has never been one to conform to gender rules. And besides, half the reason I created the Fem!AU was to have more wlw. 

……….So why not stick with the theme?

Tonks: Merlin… chatty one, aren’t you?

(( OOC: ………I’m enjoying this idea. ))

Cold Hearted (Prince AU) Part 6

Originally posted by sugaglos

Requests are closed!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

Word Count: 6559

Warnings: Blood, Smut (in later parts)

Jaebum sat on his bed and untied his boots. He pulled off his jacket and undid the cuff links of his shirt, going through the simplistic motions of getting ready for bed as he did every night.

He wasn’t used to these feelings. He didn’t consider himself as very emotional, war tended to favour the more stoic man; someone who did not get shaken by death or get jerked around by feelings.

Keep reading

How you name your children

I’ve been doing a lot of preferences lately,they’re just fast and easy and don’t take as much editing.

Masterlist


Harry’s era

Harry

“For the last damn time,Harry,I am not naming my child after Snape!”

“But he was so very brave!“he pleaded.

"No,no and no!”

“What about Severus-”

“Why does it have to be such a fancy name?!Every damn time,Harry!I just want one child with a normal name!I want to name it Nathan,for example!”

Ron

“She will be named after something nice and sweet,like a flower."he said.

"Fine.What do you think of Lily?”

His face lit up.

“As long as Harry hasn’t called dibs on the name.”

Draco

“Celeste.Celeste sounds lovely.”

“No.”

“Serenity.Really soothing.”

“No.”

“Jacklyn?Jacklyn sounds..-”

“No.”

“Narcissa.”

“Perfect.”

Neville

“Well,I think I know a name that I would really love to give our baby.”

“Hm?”

“But I’m not sure you’d agree…”

“Spit it out.”

“Alice Neville Longbottom.”

“Speechless.”

George

“It’s obvious.We’re naming it Doodle.”

“Why on earth would I name my firstborn child Doodle?”

“Because they’d call it Doody for short.”

I snorted and burst out laughing.

“Fine.Fine,that’s ridicilous.Wingardium Leviosa is the perfect name.”

“Because?”

“Everyone would make various objects fly around the room when they scream at it.”

Fred

“Well,it’s twins.”

“Quite so.”

“Then it’s absolutely obvious what they shall be named.”

“Absolutely.”

Both:
“Gred and Forge!”

Marauder’s era

James

“What about Silvia?”

“No,too muggle-ish.”

“Your turn.”

“Dara.”

“Too hard on the tongue.”

“Destiny?”

“Too wizard-like!”

“What do you want,then!?”

“I say Thea.”

“And I agree.”

Sirius

“Well,we all know-”

“Bailey.”

“I like Bailey.”

“Bailey’s nice.”

“So it’s Bailey?”

“No.”

“Still sticking to-?”

“To Regina?Yes.”

Remus

“You name them.I’ll mess it all up.”

“Sheesh,you won’t!”

“What about…Savannah?”

“I like Savannah,Remus.There’s just one hole in the plan.”

“What is it?”

“I’m carrying a boy,Remus.”

Peter

Why the bloody hell would you find yourself pregnant with Peter’s excuse for a child?

Damaged (Hayes Grier)

“hey y/n shouldn’t you be getting ready for your date with Hayes?” Your friend y/f/n said walking in your room.

Hayes was the new boy you’d been seeing. He was the first boy since him. Him was non other than Luke. Luke was the boy everyone wanted and he wanted you, or so you thought. He never really wanted you. He only wanted someone he could overpower and manipulate. You always blamed yourself for how he treated you. He left you completely and utterly damaged.

“yeah but I’m probably going to cancel.” You said slinking further into your bed.

“What? Why would you cancel? y/n be honest it’s Luke again isn’t it?” Your friend said sitting on your bed.

“I think Hayes is going to ask me to be his girlfriend tonight. I’m not good enough.” You said feeling a few tears slip down your cheeks.

“why because Luke told you that you weren’t good enough look y/n you do what you want but I know you like Hayes and you can’t keep letting Luke control your life.” Your friend said leaving you alone.

You thought long and hard about what she said. Hayes texted you telling you he was coming to get you. You didn’t realize what time it was. You took a deep breath and prayed that he wouldn’t ask so you could have more time to think.

“Honey Hayes is here!” Your mom called from upstairs. Your mom was excited about Hayes she just wanted you to be happy.

You walked downstairs and out the door. Hayes was standing there with a bouquet of flowers. You burst into tears. Hayes came over dropping the flowers and cradled you in his arms.

“Okay that not the response I expected are you okay what did I do?” Hayes said looking at you with a panic stricken face.

“Were you going to ask me out?”

“Well I was.” Hayes said looking away sadly.

“Trust me you don’t really want to be with me.”

Hayes turned to you taking your face in his hands.

“Of course I want to be with you if you need to hear why I love you I can go on all night. You’re beautiful, funny, sweet, down to earth, humble. Shall I go on?” Hayes said wiping away your tears.

You couldn’t help the smile that spread.

“No I think I believe you.” You laughed looking at his beautiful blue eyes.

“good then will you be my girlfriend?”

You answered him with a kiss.

Originally posted by yesjustanotherbloggeruniverse


Originally posted by mcallisterjenn


Originally posted by literallylivv

I love how the lyrics of every song in DAMN. are connected:

“Is it wickedness? Is it weakness? You decide. Are we gonna live or die?” -BLOOD.

“Tell me when destruction gonna be my fate, gonna be your fate, gonna be our fate. Peace to the world, let it rotate.” -DNA.

“Don’t call me Black no mo’. That word is only a color, it ain’t facts no mo’.” -YEAH.

“‘Cause most of y'all ain’t real, most of y'all gon’ squeal, most of y'all just envy, but jealousy get you killed. Most of y'all throw rocks and try to hide your hand.” -ELEMENT.

“Feel like the feelin’ of no hope, the feelin’ of bad dope. A quarter ounce manipulated from soap. The feelin’, the feelin’ of false freedom.” -FEEL.

“Tell me who you loyal to. Is it money? it is fame? Is it weed? Is it drink? Is it comin’ down with the loud pipes and the rain? Big chillin’, only for the power in your name…Tell me who you loyal to. Do it start with your woman or your man? Do it end with your family and friends? Or you’re loyal to yourself in advance? I said, tell me who you loyal to. Is it anybody that you would lie for? Anybody you would slide for? Anybody you would die for? That’s what God for.” -LOYALTY.

“See, in a perfect world, I’ll choose faith over riches, I’ll choose work over bitches, I’ll make schools out of prison. I’ll take all the religions and put ‘em all in one service. Just to tell ‘em we ain’t shit, but He’s been perfect, world” -PRIDE.

“This shit way too crazy, you do not amaze me… I don’t fabricate it, most of y'all be fakin’. I stay modest ‘bout it.” -HUMBLE.

“Lately, I feel like I been lusting over the fame. Lately, we lust on the same routine of shame. Lately, lately, lately my lust been hiding. Lately, it’s all contradiction. Lately I’m not here. Lately, I lust over self, lust turn into fear. Lately, in James 4:4 says: ‘friend of the world is enemy of the Lord’. Brace yourself, lust is all yours” -LUST.

“Damn, love or lust. Damn, all of us’.’ -LOVE.

“Tell me what you do for love, loyalty, and passion of all the memories collected, moments you could never touch.” -XXX.

“(I don’t think I can find a way to make it on this earth) What’s up family, yeah it’s yo cousin Carl man, just given’ you a call man. I know you been havin’ a lot on yo mind lately and I know you feel like ya know people ain’t been prayin’ for you but you have to understand this man, that we are a cursed people. Deuteronomy 28:28 says, “The Lord shall smite thee with madness, and blindness, and astonishment of heart.” See family that’s why you feel like you feel like you got a chip on your shoulder. Until you finally get the memo, you will always feel that way. Why God, why God do I gotta suffer? Why God, why God do I gotta bleed? (…) Goddamn you, goddamn me, goddamn us, goddamn we, goddamn us all.” -FEAR.

“Don’t judge me, don’t judge me.”-GOD.

“It was always me versus the world, until I found it’s me versus me. Why, why, why, why? Why, why, why, why? Just remember what happens on earth stays on earth! We gon’ put it in reverse.“ -DUCKWORTH.>

It’s like a tale about all the struggles that black community have to fight within itself.

AU List

Oh. my. god. Huge ass AU list done with byrdboiv

Part 1 | Part 2

AUSTRALIAN HIGH SKOOL LUV AFFAIR AU

  • ‘I’m a student teacher at your school and you’re a senior who keeps on trying to ask me out in your free periods – I mean, I would because you’re only younger than me by like, five years ABSOLUTE MAXIMUM, and you’re kind of totally my type? But hey, I’ve got to keep some sense of professionalism’ AU
  • ‘I’m a basketball coach in the year above you from your brother/sister school, and you’re that kid who can’t ball for shit, has friends in the team I’m coaching, and told me that I was really short and had really pretty eyes, you’re distracting me my team, fight me in the PIT, motherfucker’ AU
  • ‘I’m part of the IT at the school you work at, and you’re a drama teacher – you keep asking me for help with the sound and lighting even though we both know that’s the job for the deputy principal’s sound and lighting kids’ AU
  • ‘I’m your best bro and you’re my best bro, we used to have broners for each other but now I have a romantic boner for you, bro, and I don’t know about you. I’m sorry, bro. All the homo’ AU
  • ‘I’m in your Mathematics class and you sit next to me, whispering words of encouragement after my teacher verbally bodyslams me for my epic math fails’ AU
  • ‘I’m a 500% troublemaker and you’re a 500% goody two-shoes and we’re both in the Student Representative Council – who will come out on top? (Not in the sexual way, oh my God is this really happening I had no idea you had it in you, we’re both minors but I don’t think either of us could care less; so much for you being good.)’ AU
  • ‘I’m really hungry and I forgot my lunch and I have no money to buy food at the canteen, and you just passed me a $10 bill, I am 10000% willing to become you sex slave right now, bless the ground you walk on, O Benevolent One’ AU
  • ‘I’m walking past the basketball courts and you’re just lying in the centre of the courts. Staring into the sky. I’m going to join you’ AU
  • ‘I’m in your P.E. class and you’ve been doing a plank for 5 solid minutes, are you an Olympian or something??’ AU
  • ‘I’m a VA student and I fucking hate basketball to the nth degree but my teacher wants me to paint a basketball hoop and backboard for my assignment and fuckyou you’re playing on my reference, move aside bitch’ AU
  • ‘I do Latin and so do you, but you’re in a year below me and ask me for help a lot because your pronunciation may be great but your grammar is not’ AU
  • ‘I’m working part-time at a fast food joint and holy fuck, you and your friends just came to order stuff and oh no I have this huge fat crush on you because you’re always so nice to everyone and to me, I hope you don’t notice the fear in my Customer Service Smile™’ AU
  • ‘I do notifications over the PA every morning and you like my voice??? You want to ask me out for coffee????? Like, right now?????? School has already started???????You’re in Year 9 and I’m in Year 11 and I do NOT want you to skip school just for this?????????????’ AU
  • ‘We’re both in a school volleyball team and we’re the only ones not here for the gay volleyball anime (well, maybe)’ AU
  • ‘We’re both in a school basketball team and we’re the only ones not here for that one gay basketball anime (well, not really)’ AU
  • ‘We’re both in the same swimming squad and hell yeah are we here for the gay swimming anime’ AU
  • ‘I’m a VA student and you’ve been bringing me food for the past month after school when I’ve been working on my artwork, even though we’re in brother/sister schools and I only really get to talk to you at our interschool vocals club and/or on Facebook (which is really rare, to be honest), I really need to pay you back, does my eternal love and devotion (or dedication of my artwork to you) suffice?’ AU
  • ‘We’re married teachers in the Science faculty and the students keep on making jokes about us having chemistry, please bury me’ AU
  • ‘I have a TAFE account and you’re begging me for it – are you really willing to give me what you’re offering, I mean, an entire cake, your virginity and your first born child is not something that should be bartered for something you could Google at home’ AU
  • ‘We just snuck into the movies together because our friends dared us to get in, watch a movie and get back out without getting caught, hell yeah, this isn’t a date by the way what are you saying, fuck, this movie’s sad, fuck, I’m not crying, fuck, you’re holding me in your arms and it feels right, fUCK’ AU
  • ‘I’m part of the IT at the school you work at, and you’re a drama teacher – you keep asking me for help with the sound and lighting even though we both know that’s the job for the deputy principal’s sound and lighting kids’ AU
  • ‘I’m a basketball coach in the year above you from your brother/sister school, and you’re that kid who can’t ball for shit, has friends in the team I’m coaching, and told me that I was really short and had really pretty eyes, you’re distracting me my team, fight me in the PIT, motherfucker’ AU
  • ‘I’m a student teacher at your school and you’re a senior who keeps on trying to ask me out in your free periods – I mean, I would because you’re only younger than me by like, five years ABSOLUTE MAXIMUM, and you’re kind of totally my type? But hey, I’ve got to keep some sense of professionalism’ AU
  • ‘Your notes are the most beautiful thing my eyes have ever been graced with, and what the fuck, how can you even do this when our history teacher talks rapid-fire’ AU
  • ‘THE FUCKER THAT’S BEEN BLASTING WHITNEY HOUSTIN IN THE MUSIC ROOM, STOP’ AU
  • ‘I leaned over your shoulder to see the creative writing piece you’ve been working on for the past hour, and oh my gosh????? You’re that writer in the school magazine with the mysterious alias, and I admire you so much???? Did you sell your soul to the devil to reach that level of eloquence tell me your sECRET’ AU


OCCUPATIONS/JOBS AU

Fast Food Outlet

  • I work at McDonalds and you’re the fuckface who tries to order my number with a 24pck of chicken nuggets and a large strawberry sundae every single fucking time (I mean, I’d give you my number if you bought a chocolate sundae instead, strawberry is wrong)’
  • I work at KFC, why in the name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour, did you buy six 450ml servings of mash potato, sit down at a table close by, open each of them up and drink them all.
  • I’m a Domino’s Pizza deliveryman and you just bought 20 pizzas, there’s not even a party at your house? Are you going to eat this all yourself in one go? Are you just bulk buying so you can reheat it later and not bother calling us up again? Pizza’s way better fres– fuck, you’re crying, what do I do, they didn’t teach me this in my training.
  • I’m working part-time at a fast food joint and holy fuck, you and your friends just came to order stuff and oh no I have this huge fat crush on you because you’re always so nice to everyone and to me, I hope you don’t notice the fear in my Customer Service Smile™.
  • ‘As an employee, I shouldn’t be saying this, but it is NOT nutritionally acceptable to eat here every day. Drop by after my shift ends and I’ll cook you some real food’ AU


Convenience/Greengrocer store AU


  • ‘I’m a convenience store owner and you’re asking me whether the $2 or $3 noodles are better, I like both of them, what do I say, you’re looking at me with bigass puppydog eyes, I am fucked’ AU
  • ‘I’m your local greengrocer’s cashier and you’ve been staring at the tomatoes for over 15 minutes now, Jimmy, hold the register’ AU
  • ‘Why on earth are you holding that fruit to your ear like you can hear the fucking sea or something’ AU


Technological Store AU

  • ‘I work in JB-HiFi and you come in and ask me if I could help you find your friend who is a) missing and b) has a huge thirst for Kanye West and Jay-Z, shall we go to the CDs? They might be in the Rap genre section…’ AU
  • ‘How did you manage to fuck this up so badly’ AU


Dentist AU

  • ‘I think you look very attractive but there’s not much dignity I can muster when you’re holding my mouth open with these goddamn contraptions from hell and my mouth’s starting to fill with saliva’ AU
  • ‘I’m a dental assistant and you’re really cute, even with a bajillion black stains and mildly bad breath’ AU
  • ‘You’re not seriously going to put that in my mouth, are you’ AU


Sports Coach AU

  • ‘I’m a single parent and you’re my kid’s volleyball coach, I’m sorry I introduced them to Haikyuu!! how can I make it up to you?’ AU
  • ‘I’ve been tasked with this feeble looking teen who can’t do push ups for shit’ AU


Librarian AU

  • ‘I’m a library assistant and you’re the person who comes in every week with 100000000 kids and still manages to keep them all in check, you are amazing’ AU
  • ‘We have a self-checkout system, but ever week you unfailingly turn up at my desk and OH MY GOD IS THAT GERONIMO STILTON’ AU
  • ‘I must say your taste in books is beautiful, can I take you out for coffee?’ AU
  • ‘You’re balancing a pile of fifteen books in your arms and you look like you’re about to fall any moment now’ AU


Wedding Planner AU

  • ‘I’m a wedding planner and you’re the wedding photographer, I agree with you completely, this couple is absolutely disgusting – they need to stop with all the sappiness and frills and make out sessions in front of you when you’re trying to ask them about what they want in their actual wedding, yeah, let’s get lots of cheap alcohol at a bar somewhere, together, after this whole ordeal is done (and maybe make our own wedding a lot less cringeworthy)’ AU


Bakery AU

  • ‘I work at a bakery and you’re the person that buys a smiley face cupcake every single day, I swear to God stop smiling at me like that, like, that’s the cupcake’s job’ AU
  • ‘Do you really want to give a dick cake to your niece?’ AU
  • ‘That comes to six hundred dollars in total’ AU


Office Jobs AU

  • ‘I’m in a boring corporate business job and you’re in the cubicle in front of mine, did you just send me a paper aeroplane with the words “WASSSSSSUPPPP TURN UP BITCHEZ” written on it?’ AU
  • ‘I never usually go to workplace drinking sessions but since you’re here sign me the fuck up’ AU
  • ‘CAN YOU STOP DISTRACTING ME I HAVE THIS HUGEASS REPORT TO TYPE UP BY TODAY, NO I DON’T CARE IF YOUR CAT GAVE BIRTH wAit hold up can I adopt one?’ AU
  • ‘Are you seriously going to turn that poor excuse of a prototype in to the boss? You’ll get the sack’ AU
  • ‘We’re both vying for a promotion, and you’re not above sabotaging my work’ AU
About Last Night

They shouldn’t have slept together. But they did. Now for the aftermath.


Also on AO3/FF.NET 

unbeta’d. All mistakes my own…

1.8k


A prompt from @distant-rose: best friends secretly pining plus locked in a closet by other frustrated, impatient and exasperated friends. A baby ficlet dedicated to @nickillian


Emma Swan: expert at running away from shit. That’s what her obituary would say.

And by shit it would mean anything remotely resembling a situation where her emotions would be exposed and she would get hurt. Which was why she was currently hiding in Mary Margaret Nolan’s den.

“I’m failing to see the problem,” the brunette mused over a steaming cup of tea.

“Ms - I slept with Killian.”

Keep reading

Imagine telling The Doctor you are getting married... and him getting quite upset because he has never met the man.... or has he?

Originally posted by theviolinistinthetardis

“So what shall we do tomorrow? I heard that on the planet of….”

“Doctor.” You cut him short, you just couldn’t keep the secret any longer, “The only adventure I will be making tomorrow is the one to the chapel.”

“Well why on Earth would you be going there? The chapel is a alien meeting hall, and why I am aware they are probably going to have a meeting there I couldn’t see you attending.”

“No Doctor.I mean a chapel on Earth.”

“Since when have you been religious?” He asked with a puzzled look on his face.

“Since I got engaged.” You answered, slowly taking the ring out of it’s hiding place.

“Congratulations!” He exclaimed as his arms wrapped around you tightly, your body stiffing at the unexpected reaction, however the hug soon ended, “Wait a moment, Who the Dalek are you marrying?” 

“And there is the reaction I expected.” You smiled as you looked at him and began walking around the control panel. 

“[Y/N]…. who are you marrying?”

“It is a surprise Doctor.” You teased as you watched the upset start to form

“Do I at least know the man?”

“Probably not, however he does know many people so maybe you do.”

“Well why have I not definatly met him yet?” He snapped as you smiled

“Well because I don’t want to scare him, not yet at least. See I haven’t quite explained to him yet that his future bride travels space and time with a fez wearing, bow tie lovering, doctor who has two hearts, regenerates and has a time traveling police box that can take them all over space and time. And that is what I have been doing when I say I am working at Torchwood. However you are invited to the wedding, where I will introduce him to you properly.”

“Can I at least know his name.”

“Jack.” 

“What is his last name?”

“Guess you will just have to show up tomorrow to find out.” You smirked as he let out an annoyed sigh.

“Well will I like this Jack fellow?”

“I think you will.” You smiled at the thought of the old friends meeting again…

Originally posted by consultinggallifreyanfallenangel

anonymous asked:

Can you write about Lumiere finding out that Plumette is preagnent?

He hasn’t seen her around for several hours—”no, you fool, it’s only been minutes,” says Cogsworth, but Lumiere knows he is wrong and it has actually been hours, because that’s what it feels like—and he is getting concerned.

“Is she hiding from me??” he asks Cogsworth. “Could I have done something to offend her????”

“It has been THREE MINUTES,” says Cogsworth.

“It has been days,” and Lumiere weeps, great messy tears spilling down his nose. Cogsworth would be concerned if he hadn’t also seen Lumiere dramatically crying over misplaced porcelain, a ball change that didn’t go as planned, and a puppet show Chip did once where it took more than two acts for the lovers to get together.

“Four minutes,” says Cogsworth.

“Perhaps I have not appeared devoted enough,” Lumiere worries. “Perhaps I am not good enough in bed!”

“THAT’S QUITE ENOUGH OF THAT—”

“Cogsworth, no, don’t go, let’s practice, perhaps I have grown weak with my seductions, you be Plumette and I’ll—”

“No no no no no no!” Cogsworth cannot run very fast, but he is somehow managing now.

“He’ll break a leg, going that quick,” observes Mrs. Potts.

“He may break every bone in his body,” says Lumiere, “and it will mean nothing if I do not reconcile with Plumette. I have not seen her in twenty five years—”

“IT HAS BEEN,” yells Cogsworth, from somewhere deep inside the castle, “A TOTAL OF FIVE MINUTES AND FOURTEEN SECONDS—”

“—and I shall die without her love to guide me.”

“You shall do what, mon trésor?”

“Plumette! Ah, Plumette, you are a vision.” And she is—flushed with excitement, her curls bouncing, feathers stuck in her hair as they are always, now. She keeps plucking them out, but they keep coming back in again. She doesn’t mind it, much, and Lumiere adores it.

“Mon amour, I have something I must tell you,” and she seems shy, and Lumiere worries he is going to set himself on fire with love of her. Mrs. Potts seems worried, too; she is reaching for a water bucket and glancing at the top of his head. He must be smoking again. Ah, well.

“What is it? Chérie, what is it?” Now Plumette is bouncing on her heels, and now she leans forward to whisper in his ears. He is going to be—she is whispering that he is going to be—Lumiere is going to be

“ON FIRE,” yells Mrs. Potts, “he’s finally done it, he’s on fire. Why on earth did you have to tell him in here, Plumette?! My lord, saint’s alive, Chip, fetch another bucket. Oh, lord, I’ve soaked your best coat, and the wig, oh, Lumiere, whatever shall I do with you—”

Lumiere doesn’t care what Mrs. Potts shall do with him. He is dripping wet, and his Plumette is a miracle, and he’s soon to be a father, and comme c’est beau! He is the luckiest man in the world.

It’s Sleepover Saturday, folks! My inbox is open for all discussions on BATB.

Interesting story...

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound.
The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.
Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”
The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”
The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”
The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”
The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”
The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.”
The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?”
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.
Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.
The man demands the key to the stone door.
The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby.
He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire.
So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.”
The man is relieved to no end.
He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.
But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk

A nice trip to the desert

Notes: Silly fic with a hint of fluff. I’ve wanted to combine art with fic writing for some time, then I was encouraged to do it, and here we are. Enjoy! Thank you so much to @rosewater7 for helping me! And thank you to @dangerscully for providing me with excellent names for the aliens! 


“Come on, Scully. It’ll be a nice trip to the desert! Just you and me, and a whole lot of cacti. Stars shining brightly, an authentic tipi, and I’ll even light you a fire,” Mulder said excitedly as he tried to convince her how much they needed to go. They had barely closed the manila folder that Friday afternoon after three weeks of intense work, and he knew she needed a break.

“I didn’t know you had a thing for the outdoors, Mulder,” Scully taunted with a raised eyebrow.

“Ah, but you forget that this is the desert. The weather forecast says there will be no rain whatsoever and if we are lucky, it’ll be a weekend full of extraterrestrial sightings,” he teased, a wave of regret washed through his body as he wished he hadn’t mentioned extraterrestrials, realizing it wouldn’t make a good case.

“I knew there was a catch,” she smirked.

“Scully, there will be shooting stars and it’ll be fun sleeping out in the open,” he assured her.

“Didn’t you mention some kind of tent?” she said skeptically.

“A tipi. Native Americans-”

“Mulder, I know what they are,” she smirked. “When are we leaving?”

“Now,” he responded coyly. Mulder gave her the smile that he knew would always convince her to go with him.

Keep reading