what on earth have i just posted on tumblr dot com

part 1 of: i love this fandom and you guys make me emotional

Everyone is being so sweet and adorable and emotional today and I just felt like I should add my valentine’s sugar to it too. 

I got this blog almost two years ago, not coincidentally when I moved to Texas with just my boyfriend, from Florida from where I had spent my entire life in. I was very alone and since I’m not the coolest of cats, making friends has been…extremely difficult lol.

But getting this blog, and joining this fandom, I’ve really found myself looking forward to come home and see who’s posting on the dash, see who’s chosen to grace me with their follow, or who’s left me a tumblr message (remember, before the IM system haha).

@sinuyasha and @inukag were the first people to welcome me and reblog my writing and just became my overall points of contact for anything fandom related. I felt accepted and wanted and this was the only corner of the entire internet I could really call home. I can’t thank them enough for always being genuine and kind and beautifully forgiving ladies. On top of the fact they’re funny and gorgeous so I really lucked out befriending them. I owe my entire blog to them, and my activity, and my heart.

Later on I’d come to meet my squad, @kristicles @thequeenwillruletheboard @narkik @mirsan and @ohstarfire, and grow an overwhelmingly wonderful bond. I mean dudes, we went to Disney AND Universal Studios together. I’m pretty much married to them. (Which does mean you guys have to give me half your shit in case of divorce). I’m keeping it short for ya’ll cause I don’t care about you at all (I would set fire to myself if you thought for one second that was true). You are my people. You are my shots of whiskey in the dark. 

To the fandom:

I really would have never expected to feel love radiating from some of you towards me. I feel in my heart I don’t even deserve it. I have done nothing (or everything wrong). And you guys posting your fics and your art, and your edits, and all you’re LOVE and you’re FRIENDSHIP, it holds no value because it is PRICELESS. But I feel it towards all of you. I get it. It’s weird it’s unheard of maybe for a small anime fandom, but I FEEL IT. I love you guys. I would never want a single one of you to leave, or if you do have to leave, just please stay in touch. Please keep updating your fanfiction.nets, please keep updating your artwork online when finished, I just…

If you’ve been in this fandom for the past year, you get it. And it almost feels like we’ve all collectively been through some drama here and there together. I’ve made mistakes, I regret getting involved in things all the time, but I appreciate every single one of you who hasn’t deleted me from their life. I appreciate how I can still turn around and count on you guys to be there for me. And I will always be there for you. I love that after a giant cloud of darkness shrouded us, freaking @inuyashapositivity pops up like a ray of sunshine. We are an amazing incredible wonderful fandom and we are loud and vibrant and beautiful. 

@onikik, @little-known-artist @wreathoflaurels, @arnavsinghraizada, @gobodosama, @artistefish @meselfandwhy, @inuijiness @starzki@scribefigaro @smilebomber @kaze-ranna @412rebelled @hanmajoerin @ashcanvas (SHHHH…ASHLEY I DIDN’T JUST ADD YOU THIS MORNING BECAUSE I HAD A BRAIN FART LAST NIGHT…ILY) you guys have seen me at my worst and for some inexpiable reason you’re still my friends and I respect and admire you so so much. I really can’t put into words properly, but my respect for you is something that can and will never vanish. I consider you guys a huge reason why I enjoy the Inuyasha fandom as much as I do. I’m comfortable around you guys and I hope you feel the same way around me. I love you guys, and I would do anything for you. I’d end someone’s life for you. I’d jump into battle for you. I’d throw all my money at your face if I knew it would make you happy. Thank you for being my friends. Really. You are my inner-circle, and without you, I am just a square. 

I’ve met some new people in the past year, who maybe I don’t talk to but I feel like I’ve gotten to know more simply through the small interactions we have, and whom I’m so so so happy joined tumblr to grace us with their content, their presence, and their overall humor and love and joy. 

@grapefruitwannabe, I remember I was in a stream with you and someone was urging you to post your sketches and you were reluctant about it, and god now look at you. Your art is incredible. It’s unique, it has a style, it has movement. You give a tremendous amount to the fandom and you never ask for anything in return. You are so nice too? You know how rare it is to find kind people who are just the sweetest creatures ever? You are a precious cupcake too good for this earth, and we so blessed to have you. 

@sess-kik I knew from the moment you made the taylor swift/kanye west meme, that I regretted not being considered one of your friends. You are fucking oustanding. You are hilarious. You make my ribs hurt. You are like a baby beyonce. I mean that. Picture yourself as beyonce’s’ child because that’s how I view you. 

@justafewsmallsteps you know what’s crazy is that I followed and admired you from afar for so so so long. I am a huge fan. I mean. HUGE. I mean, ridiculously huge. I mean I may have printed out your art and have it stored in my cabinet so I can look at sometimes because I was that (maybe i still am idk) obsessed with your work, and to find out you are a shining ball of sunlight and positivity and love and friendliness. You know…what that feels like ? It’s like meeting a Disney Princess in real life. 

@coquinespike HAHA LOOK SOMEONE TAGGED YOU AGAIN. I’M SORRY. Listen I actually always see you in my notes. I always read your tags cause they’re fucking hilarious. Your comments on things are A+. I don’t know why I didn’t start following you sooner. I am an idiot, what else is new. Cheers to the future.

@keichanz what took you so long to join tumblr, i keep asking myself this question. EVERYONE KNOWS THE KEIZ FROM FF.NET. You are always supporting InuKag and the fandom and there’s a lot of bloggers that I know would not be the same without your presence. I see names all the time that were just quiet little daisies, and you watered those plants and now look at them. You’ve inspired so many people, and you are always just so generous and so loving. Thank you for writing, thank you for participating in events, thank you for being the oil in the inukag gears. Quite literally. 

@lovely-taijiya GABY. DID YOU KNOW THAT I THINK ABOUT YOU ALMOST EVERY DAY. Okay well. Now you do. I get so happy when I see your art on my dash. I get full of butterflies and good feelings. If you were around I would hug you constantly and hold you close to my heart, because you deserve unnerving amounts of love. 

@kag-san you are a gift granted to us by the gods. you are an angel. you are a walking living breathing version of the virgin mary and I would weep at your feet if i could because I think you deserve everything in life and more. Trust me when I say the people who ship things, make me ship things harder. And this candle for KagSan is now a torch and it’s setting my house on fire but I couldn’t be happier. 

@piggy-in-pink you are like Sesshomaru. And by that I mean you are silent and we may cross paths and look at each other and I would be totally fine with you killing me because I admire you just that much. But no honestly, you are wise and clever and I love your work and your existence a lot. Thanks for never changing your url also, it makes life so much easier. (TAKE NOTES PEOPLE)

@mmhinman I remember the first time I went to your blog. You submitted a bunch of wonderful art for InuKag week late, and it blew my mind. I couldn’t believe someone would submit SO LATE but also have it be SO QUALITY. Haha. Your art brings me life, and I can’t thank my lucky stars enough that fate pushed you my way and onto my dash. Thank you thank you thank you. 

@macabre-and-cheese you know that really cool girl in the lunch room who sits with her posse, and is immensely more awesome than you and dates all the attractive people, and knows all the cool songs and she could say “frosty” once and it becomes a meme catchphrase, okay yeah, you know that person? that’s you. on my dash. that’s you. I’m always like “if i reblog this onto my personal, my personal blog gets that much cooler” and I think I have 80 followers on my personal blog now and I owe that all to your and your coolness i swear to god I do. 

@kago-make-dean-some-pie YOUR URL IS SO LONG. EXPLAIN IT TO ME. I love that I’ve gotten to know you better and your AMVs are the bomb dot com. You are so willing to make others feel amazing and wonderful and I hope you feel that way every single day of your life. You are so down to earth and I love you very much.

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Creation Energy and Source Wells (drunk edition)

Some cool kids write drunk posts so I was like “hey, I have alcohol, I should do that!!!” so here tf we are boys. To maintain that Drunk Aesthetic I’m probably not gonna fix a lotta misspellings, don’t wan t people on tumblr dot com accusing me of being a fake alcohol : (.. if something’s jank af don’t worry I’ll fix it though. UI’m gonna be sorta coherent. Sorta

This topic popped back up in my head bc I ran into @nobodyandheartless by coincidence on a server I’m in! A while ago they sent me this ask and was all “wtf is life energy what is this bull shit” and, you see, I didn’t have a lot of the vernacular I needed to quite explain what I was talking about. In the past I’ve talked ab life energy and void energy having diametric opposition, but life energy is so vague. Like… w life energy, are you talking ab essence, vitality, shi, prana, what the fuck are you DOING MATE you know?? So for a while I kinda quietly sat and tried to figure my life out. Bc even talking and answering a lot of these questions I felt like something was off. Like I was missing pieces of information I needed.

Well this just in: I got it now!! B))) And it’s funny how this answer kinda marriages to a subject I was already interested in.

So something I’ve been interested in a lot of my “deity meta” pursuits is this idea of a source well. That almost every paradigm has some sort of connecting piece to some larger “source” thing. A lot of times it’s a deity of some sort. See. Okay. So within most paradigms, there are plenty of deities or entities or w/e tf that can create shit. hell, we can create shit, so what makes source wells so special??? Why’s this shit even matter? And wtf is this New Age source bull shit what does that even MEAN

@chaosjelly i mentioned him too lol

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Please Read~💓

Hello everyone! This is going to be a long post, so just a head’s up!

Firstly, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GETTING MY LITTLE BLOG TO OVER 2100 FOLLOWERS IN A SPAN OF ONLY 3-4 MONTHS. You have no idea how much this means to me! Honestly, I started out with so many doubts about creating a writing blog. I was so worried and anxious that my writing wouldn’t be good enough, I was so scared that everything I planned to post was going to be flop.

Originally posted by baeksilisk

However, thanks to the lovely people who acknowledged me when I reached out to them about this blog! Thank you to all my mutuals, followers and loyal anons who have stuck by me through thick to thin, through highs and lows, through my random down moments and through my joyful days.

These are the list of people I would like to thank right here, right now:

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I decided to see if I could actually phrase to myself what I meant the other day when I said that I don’t see killing as Will’s natural state — so I guess this is the (big huge) whole post of its own that was lying in wait god I should have known

First up though, groundwork. Hannibal is a pretty dang subjective show. That’s part of what makes it so terrific. It reminds me of a poem a lot, in the ~imagery~ and ~themes~ and whatever else, but also in its openness to interpretation. You can say objectively that there are some things a poem is about and some things it is not, but ultimately, its power is in what meaning you find in it. Similarly, when we watch Hannibal, it seems that people get different mileage out of different stuff, and really that’s what makes it good art.

I know there are plenty of things that I find super impactful that other people hadn’t/don’t, just as there are things that others have been knocked on their butt by that haven’t hit me quite as hard. And when it comes to the dark!Will issue, I honestly think it’s about as much to do with subjective interpretation as any. I know the show has taken pains to show Will’s distress over killing, but I also know that it has taken pains to paint him as a blossoming killer. I have buddies here on Tumblr dot com who take a much more murderous view of Will than I do, and I think they are brilliant people and I love reading their thoughts. There’s a lot to be gotten out of this show, and it’s all interesting.

Anyhow, I just want to make sure I’m getting across this important preamble: I am not saying that my views are Right, they’re simply Mine.

So! That being said, here are those views which are Mine, finally clarified mostly for myself honestly (thanks me!), and anyone else who might want them:

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