what it is to burn tour

anonymous asked:

I think Gorgeous falls in the HYGTG/Stayx3/Speak Now (song) you know? Playful and fun, nothing particularly groundbreaking but still good?

listen……i am wondering on Tour how is she gonna ring the bell all dramatically and what epic facial expression is she going to make during the club lyric?? burning. Questions.

One Missed Call (Angst)

A/N: Prepare yourself. It’s quite a ride. This is my first time doing angst so feedback is definitely appreciated. Enjoy! 

After what feels like forever, the plane finally touches down in his home city of Toronto. Shawn lets out a deep, strangled sigh, rubbing his eyes. He’s exhausted from the extended time that he’s been away from home, but he honestly wishes he was still on the road for just a little while longer. He knows he should be excited; he should be happy even. Today is the day he will finally see her after months of being apart, but when she comes to mind, his stomach turns and he’s disgusted with himself. All he can think about is what he did. He shakes away the thought in his head and pulls his carry-on over his shoulder as he makes his way to his designated baggage carousel to collect his belongings. It takes him 15 minutes to find all his bags before he continues down the long hall towards the revolving exit doors. Geoff is outside the airport for him. His plane was early, but he didn’t want to bother her to take off work and have to come get him. He isn’t ready to see her just yet anyways. He just needs a little more time to think. He walks out the doors and props up his suitcase. While waiting for his friend to show, his eyes wonder upward, gazing at the black sky, contemplating what the hell he should do when he gets home. He can’t hide it forever; his guilt will eat him alive.

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anonymous asked:

I'm not one of those who blames Harry for what is happening rn, but man, I'm side eyeing the fuck out of Jeff. I dont know what restrictions Harry still has and all that, but this is some terrible shit tbh. Like, all these rumours about premiering his music before Dunkirk... that would be terrible!!! It would so undermine and overshadow his role in Dunkirk. Terrible business decision. And now the timing of this registration... it couldnt be worst tbh. I really hope Jeff knows what he's doing

I agree with you, and also, I’m going to go on a bit of a rant because I can’t not. I just honestly think everything related to Harry’s solo career is absurd right now. Harry has been almost entirely cut off from the fandom pretty much since hiatus began. I think that’s fine, and honestly, and I know we’ve all missed him, but I think Harry (possibly even more than the others) needed that time to himself. I think it gave him time to recover from such a tough schedule with One Direction, I think it gave him a break from the fan service and BS that really seemed to have burned him out, and it gave him time to focus on Dunkirk, which was obviously something outside of his comfort zone that required his full concentration. But Jesus Christ, man. This is beyond ridiculous at this point.

We’ve gotten countless media sources, celebrities, and others in the industry talking about his debut album. And because he’s not talking, all of these people and sources are talking FOR him - and we don’t even know which of the things they’re saying are correct and which are completely false. And blah blah blah yeah, obviously the media is gonna talk about solo Harry regardless, but you’re lying to yourself if you think that his team couldn’t have shut up some of the people who have run their mouths about solo Harry at this point. And if the media is going to always make claims about his future music, both true and false, why wouldn’t he just speak for himself? Why wouldn’t his team speak for him? Why have they allowed this to happen for so fucking long? And don’t even give me that bullshit about oh, they just want to keep anticipation up - because at this point, that tactic doesn’t even make sense. I honestly don’t even know how solo Harries are alive right now considering they get hyped up for his music every two days based on what so-and-so said to the media. It’s fucking EXHAUSTING and it eventually burns people out to be constantly disappointed when they’re promised that something is about to happen and then it doesn’t. I’ve seen a lot of burnout in this fandom in the last week alone on the solo Harry front, and that’s so sad to see because things could have been so different.

If they’re gonna have a dude from Columbia come out here and tell me that an album is nearly done, and then have Grimmy say he was about to hear the album, and then have a touring company registered like a tour is gonna be in the works sometime soon when they haven’t said jack shit about ANYTHING, that’s beyond frustrating to me. You don’t have to give every fucking detail but god, not even a confirmation that the album is coming? NOTHING. Nothing at all.

Louis kept up fan service pretty consistently last year and eventually dropped music. Liam posts updates about his album progress to his social media, and yeah, his album still isn’t out, but there also haven’t been fifty people saying to the press every four days that it’s almost done. Niall was active on social media and kept up fan service last year before dropping his single as a surprise. Harry has done none of that, and I’m not saying that Harry has to do it the way the other boys did, but this is….really yikes. I don’t understand what the fuck his team is playing at, I really don’t. I know that Harry is the most famous in the band and I know that his music is the most anticipated, but he is not some untouchable artist with a shitload of street cred where his album is guaranteed to top at number one. I know this fandom might want to think that’s the case, but it isn’t. He is not Beyonce with numerous successful albums and decades in the industry. He has never put out solo music, and not only that, but we don’t have even the vaguest clue as to what his solo music would SOUND like at this point because again, we’ve heard nothing from his team.

The way this is being executed screams lazy and arrogant to me, and Harry is neither of those things, so I want to know what the deal is. To have this buildup for over a year with everyone else talking about it except for the people whose voices count the most and just expecting fans to be there, still waiting and ready and foaming at the mouth whenever you choose to drop music even though you never bothered to say anything about it….that doesn’t rub me the right way at all, I’m sorry. And listen, knowing this fandom and how much solo Harries have stayed pumped, it might work for them, it, but god, that is just….I don’t understand how people can respect that method of doing things. Us, the fans, as future consumers of his music, as the people who ensured that Harry is in the position he’s in today, deserve better than this. I know that fandom entitlement is a thing and we don’t deserve a lot of things that we think we deserve, but are people really gonna try to act like having confirmation of an album from Harry or his team is asking too much? Wanting some respect, and some clarity, and some basic fucking facts (for example: Are you coming out with an album? When is it coming out?) for Harry’s FIRST SOLO ALBUM EVER after over a year of almost complete silence from him (and silence about his future plans long before that) is perfectly reasonable, especially considering how much we’ve been jerked around about Harry’s solo career for like five years now, and quite frankly, anyone trying to suggest otherwise is fooling themselves. Harry’s team may not be able to control everything the media or other artists do or say about solo Harry, but they can (or at least, you would think they would be able to) control their own behavior, and at least so far, it seems like they’re just letting everybody else do the work for them (and do it messily at that, considering how many lies and ridiculous speculation has been published and passed around over the past year or so).

I’m just really frustrated because I don’t understand why his team is doing this and why they’re giving this impression of not knowing what they’re doing (e.g. the Full Stop website) or just not caring (e.g. [the metric for success] “is just existing”). With a lot of the Louis bullshit, even without knowing the exact details of what’s going on, you can usually figure out quite quickly that a) they’re actively trying to fuck him over and b) why they’re actively trying to fuck him over. The involvement of the stunts tainting everything Louis does also makes the intentions of his team clear (though no less infuriating). But this stuff with Harry? I don’t understand it and can’t even begin to imagine why things are being done this way. I don’t think it’s fair to the fans and I think it’s doing a huge disservice to Harry, his music, and if the rumors about when he’s dropping the music are correct, his acting career. I just really, really hope that there’s a huge change soon because I’m really cringing at what I’m seeing so far. I wish I understood any of this, but I don’t and watching it all happen is exhausting.

Alright, some of my word vomit is out. If people disagree with me, that’s fine, but this is my opinion. And no, I don’t think negatively of Harry or anything like that, I’m just not pleased with how things are being handled by his team (just as I’m not pleased with how Louis’ team is doing things) and I need to voice that.

Interstellar Transmission by Lovely Things @little-scribblers-heart & ricca_riot @ricca-raccoon Rey’s interrogation at the hands of Kylo Ren triggered an awakening in the Force, as well as an unwelcome bond that links them across the galaxy and grows stronger every day.

Forms by Trebia @avenrue                                                                                    They are children with matchsticks, him and her.

The Moon, the Sun, and the Star Inbetween by Silvershine @silvershiner        A broken Force Bond isn’t the easiest thing to bear, especially when the one you’re missing is your sworn enemy and the father of your child.

The Conviction of Things Not Seen by airecrazy                                                 She knows he is a war criminal. He’s done terrible things. But in the end, he turned his back on the Dark Side and helped to defeat his own Master.

The Death of Kylo Ren (Part 1 of the Crossroads series) by nymja @gizkasparadise  Rey knows a lot about being lonely. Enough to recognize it in other people.

The Ghost of Another Choice by ms_qualia                                                        Rey draws on the powers of the Dark instead of the Light to fight Kylo Ren in the snowy forest on the Starkiller, and her choice changes the fate of the Galaxy.

He Knows He Needs to Stop by Perry_Downing @perrydowning                        Kylo Ren is Bound to Rey and hides from her, never revealing himself, quietly driving himself mad with her light.

Like Young Gods (Part 1 of the Sword of the Jedi series) by diasterisms @kylorenvevo  Everyone is connected, even if, sometimes, it’s just by the skin of our teeth. Even in the midst of darkness, still, luminous beings are we.

Burn Your Wicked Garden Down (Part 1 of the Requiem for a Monster series) by roane   It was by accident that she captured him at all. Accident, or maybe fate. Ever since their first meeting on Takodana years ago, they’d circled each other like binary stars, paths crossing at increasingly smaller intervals as their orbit slowly decayed.

What the Hell is Wrong with Kylo Ren? by Tuli_Azzameen @tuli-azzameen    Tongue-in-cheek tour of Reylo tropes. This time, it is Kylo Ren who is taken prisoner. Rey is given the impossible task of turning this moody, homicidal creep back to the Light, all while he awkwardly attempts to lure her into darkness.

Seldom All They Seem by ambiguously @ambiguityisnoonesfriend                     After a terrible accident, Rey wakes up to discover she doesn’t remember the last five years.

In My Bloodstream by EllieCarina                                                                          Rey knows Kylo by now. And she knows Ben and almost everything in between. But when Poe Dameron kisses her, she learns something she hadn’t known before.     

Before The Saber Swings by WaterlilyRose  @waterlilyrose                            The night before his execution, Kylo Ren asks to see Rey.                                                    

You Don’t Know Me | 3

Summary: Yoongi gets you pregnant and chickens out

Originally posted by yoongiyi

Word Count: 2077

Pairing: Yoongi + Reader

Genre: Angst

Warnings: swearing, strong opinions on abortion

Part 1 | Part 2


“(Y/N) please-”, Yoongi rushed to your side as he saw the tears rolling down your cheeks but you stepped back, holding your free hand in front of yourself. You didn’t want to feel his touch. It always made you weak, weak for him, weak for his excuses, but you needed to stay sane in that moment. You needed him to realize how bad he screwed up. He needed to see how mad and hurt you were. If he touched you, all those feelings would vanish in a matter of seconds.

“Don’t touch me Yoongi”, you choked out and he stood still. His eyes that usually didn’t hold much emotions, were full of brokenness, regret and a hint of something you couldn’t quite make out. His shoulders had sunken forward while his hands were in his pockets.

“Why now? Why, out of all days, you picked today to talk to me?”, you sniffed and wiped over your face with the back of your hand. Today had been a rather good day for you but now you were a mess like any other day before. Just with the slight difference that today you were a mess because Yoongi was talking to you. The other days you were a mess because he didn’t talk to you.

“I-I don’t know”, he stammered, scratching the back of his neck. “I didn’t know you were here but as soon as I saw you, I couldn’t hold myself back any longer. The last month has been horrible. I felt as if I was going through hell every single time I heard your ringtone or saw your messages. Every time I heard you in our living room or saw you leave the dorms. I wanted to hold you, tell you everything will be okay. I wanted to be the one to bring you food over and take you to your appointments. I wanted to hold you in my arms until you fell asleep like we used to. Feel your heartbeat against my body and having your smell linger in my studio. I wanted to tell you cheesy lines that reminded me of you just to hear your beautiful laugh”, he had stepped closer as his index finger gently caressed the side of your face, his eyes moving over yours.

Loneliness.

The thing in his eyes, you couldn’t make out at first - it was loneliness.

“Then why did you ignore me? Why did you hurt me like that when you felt that way?”, you stared at him, pleading for an explanation. “Why did you leave me?”

Yoongi closed his eyes and swallowed hard, before shaking his head. “Because I was scared. You know how hard I work to make our dreams come true and with a baby all this hard work would have been for nothing.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. “Having a baby doesn’t mean that everything is ruined Yoongi. Yes, you have more responsibility but it doesn’t ruin your career. You’re very talented and everybody knows that.”

He let his hand fall down and bit down on his lip. “No, you don’t get it (Y/N). I’d have to make more time for you and the baby because obviously I can’t let you raise it alone. I wouldn’t be able to tour because I have you and the baby at home - touring would mean leaving you behind like a single mother for several months. That’s horrible. A baby would mean getting less sleep than I already do, bringing me closer to a burn-out than I already am, which I cannot afford. There are just so many negative points in this (Y/N), talent alone doesn’t make them go away.”

Confusion was written all over your face as Yoongi’s words sunk in. Realization hit you, making your jaw drop.

“Hold on - what exactly do you want Yoongi?”, you glared at him skeptically, hoping that your thoughts were wrong, silently praying to God that you were simply being overly paranoid.

He gently grabbed your hands, letting his fingers play with yours as his eyes softened. “I want you. I want you to take me back and be my girlfriend again (Y/N), please. I love you.”

These were the words you had waited for, for so long. Dreamed of every night since he left and cried over to exhaustion. But now that Yoongi had said them, an uncertain feeling spread throughout your chest area, making sickness approach you.

“But you just said that you didn’t want a baby, Yoongi”, you raised one eyebrow at him as he giggled at your words.

You didn’t understand what was so funny.

“Yeah, I don’t want a baby. I want you.”

Silence. The only noise you registered was a floor creaking somewhere in the dorm and your thoughts telling you to run. 

You were right.

Your heart beating increased and sweat formed on your palms. An enormous feeling of having to protect the little human inside of you, made your body shake.

“You’re expecting me to get an abortion?”, you asked hesitantly, afraid to hear the answer. He couldn’t be this heartless. He just couldn’t. Not the Yoongi that you knew and loved. He wouldn’t do that.

“Exactly”, he answered shortly, giving your hands a tight squeeze and smiling warmly at you. “It’s not like the baby is an actual human yet, we’re not killing anybody. We’re just doing the right thing.”

Never in all those years of knowing Yoongi, you would have thought that he’d be capable of suggesting something like that. You couldn’t even picture him thinking about such a cruelty.

He wanted to kill your baby. 

He wanted to get rid of it to be able to keep on dating you secretly again and not lose his job. He didn’t care about the baby, nor you. It was all about his job, his career, his image.

“You can’t be serious right now, Yoongi”, you slowly withdrew your hands from his touch, placing them on your tummy and slightly stepped back. 

His eyebrows raised in confusion. “Of course I am (Y/N). That’s the best solution for all of us.”

Crazily, you started shaking your head, disbelief numbing your body. “This is the best solution for you! What about the baby? You’re just gonna kill it off because it’s an inconvenience to you? What if I’m an inconvenience at some point, huh? Are you gonna kill me then, too?”

At this point, you were screaming at him, forgetting about all the pain you had gone through because of him. All you could think of was he wants my baby dead, repeating in your head like a deadly mantra.

“What? No, of course not. Are you crazy? That’s different! This baby isn’t even born yet”, he screamed back, trying to come closer to you but you pushed him away with one hand while the other one was still holding onto your tiny tummy. Jungkook was right, you weren’t fat but you did have a little noticeable tummy by now and you were going to protect it, no matter what. Or who.

“How is this different Min Yoongi? This baby is a living creature just like you and me. It might not be fully developed yet but it’s still a little person. It’s still a little person that we”, you signaled in between the two of you, “created. It has our DNA, our blood, our everything. It is growing inside of me and God have mercy, I will do anything and everything to protect this little creature from anything and anyone.”

Your fists were balled and your body was shaking angrily. Yoongi’s expression turned from confused to attentive.

“Babe listen, that’s just your motherly instincts. It’s nothing-”, Yoongi tried to explain but you held up a hand, not believing what you were about to say.

“Yoongi, if you don’t want this baby then fine. I’ll leave you alone. You don’t have to raise this baby with me. But I’m not going to abort it. Never. I might be a broke college student with a shitty part-time job that really does not pay me enough but I’ll get through it. I have the boys and Jin who are supporting me so much, unlike you. Especially Jin. So you don’t have to worry, he’ll take care of me and the baby and help me whenever I need help”, you tried to look at him with a straight face but you were never that good in hiding your emotions. He could read you like an open book and he knew that it hurt you to say those words to him.

“So what, Jin is going to replace me and raise that baby instead? Jin, who is secretly in love with you and has been for years is going to be its dad while me - the actual father - will be “Uncle Yoongi” is this how it’s going to be? Wow what a great choice (Y/N), really. You have to be kidding me”, he clenched his teeth and tilted his head in annoyance. “I won’t let him take you away from me. We’ve been through too much (Y/N). I love you and want to be with you! Why can’t you see that? Why isn’t that enough?”

You stopped in your tracks. What did Yoongi just say?

“What did you say?”

“Why isn’t my love enough-”, he started but you shook your head. 

“No, the other thing about Jin. He’s what?”, there’s no way you had heard right. He was just a friend, nothing more.

Yoongi rolled his eyes and bit onto his lower lip, moving from one foot to another. He was anxious and you could tell. “He has been in love with you since I introduced you to the boys. He confessed it to me maybe a year after we started dating. It was so obvious, I thought you’d be able to tell.”

Again, you shook your head. This time more slowly. 

That’s why he always went the extra mile to make sure you were doing fine.

It all makes sense now.

Slowly, you took a deep breath and exhaled in order to calm yourself. You couldn’t afford to make any irrational decision right now.

Looking up at Yoongi, you noticed his sunken figure and your heart shattered into even tinier pieces than it had been before. “Jin will not be their dad and you won’t be the uncle. You’re the father Yoongi and nothing’s going to change that. I will raise this kid because I always hoped for a future with you, a future where we’d be happily married with our own family and I love you so much Min Yoongi, I do. You’re the love of my life and even if I have to raise our baby alone, he or she should know that at least their mom believed in love”, you cleared your throat before continuing. “Also, Jin won’t take me away from you because”, another deep inhale, “I don’t belong to you and we’re not together anymore. You left me and you don’t want this baby. So, no Yoongi, your love is not enough for me. If you loved me like you say you do, we’d be making up already and talking about our future with the baby. Not discussing your wish for its abortion and fathomless jealousy of Jin.”

“Babe, I-”, his face fell and tears welled up in his eyes.

You turned your back to him and walked towards the front door, unable to take in his broken state anymore because in your opinion, he wasn’t allowed to feel that way. You were the broken one. Not him. He didn’t have any right to be this upset and helpless.

“No Yoongi, that’s it. You don’t want the baby, okay. I get it. I should have understood that earlier and not bother you with all my calls and texts and randomly show up at your house, imagining that I knew you well enough to think you were only being stubborn”, you clumsily put on your shoes while Yoongi simply stood behind you, looking like a lost boy.

“Please don’t go”, he whispered under tears, voice cracking, making you look up. It broke your heart and new tears rolled down your cheeks as well, as you saw his heartache displayed on his face. Gently, you wiped some tears off his cheeks.

“I have to”, you replied, turning around before he could do or say anything, closing the door behind you.

©jiminelli

Don’t Want to Lose You

Originally posted by inkedcross

Pairing: Harry Styles x reader

Request:  Y/n having really bad cramps with nausea and fever but pushing harry away and saying it’s probably nothing. However it goes on for a long time and eventually harry calls an ambo against her wishes but it turns out to be something serious/other than cramps

A/N: I slightly changed the symptoms but the idea is still the same. Also, there are medical inaccuracies but how much do you really care?


“You weren’t supposed to be home yet!” your boyfriend Harry yelled in surprise as you walked into your shared apartment.

Despite the stabbing pain in your side, a grin spread across your face at the sight before you. Harry was in the middle of the kitchen, a spoon covered in bolognese sauce in one hand and an apron tied on over his clothes. When you took a step closer to the kitchen, you saw the mess he had made around the stove where the pasta sauce was simmering.

“I wanted to surprise yeh,” his shoulders slumped. “I was going to have a really nice dinner set up and have all this mess cleaned up,” he mumbled.

“You did surprise me! I’m sure it’s going to be amazing,” you took another step towards him and wrapped your arms around him, your nausea almost was forgotten for the moment.

“I just knew how stressed you’ve been with work lately and with my tour starting, I’m not going to be around much for ages. I just wanted to do something special for you,” he mumbled into your hair as he held you tight.

You felt a pang in your chest at the expression in his voice. Harry had so much going on all the time, you didn’t want him to be worrying about you. Especially when he was away on tour. He always tended to stress over whether or not you were okay when he was away from you, to the point where it would take a toll on him.

“Well, thank you but I don’t want you to stress over me. Not this time, okay? I’m okay, I always have been. And if anything happens while you’re on tour, you’ll be the first person I call,” you give him a smile to try and cover your lie. If you let him know that one thing is wrong with you, he will never stop thinking that you’re not okay. You don’t want him to be stressing over you when he’s supposed to be having the time of his life on tour.

“Okay, I won’t freak out this time,” he gives your hand a squeeze. “Why are you home from work early anyway?” his brow furrowed.

“Oh, I just felt a bit sick but I’m sure it’s nothing,” you give him your best reassuring smile, not wanting to make him start worrying all over again.

“Sick how?” he held you at arm’s length so he could look you over for any signs of unwellness.

“It was just some cramps and nausea, but it’s not as bad now,” you lied yet again. The smell of the sauce cooking behind you made you feel sick to your stomach, you felt as though someone was smashing you in the head with a hammer and you wouldn’t be surprised to look down and find a knife in your right side, your cramps were that bad.

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Intro to Salute

WHAT AM I? I am Powerful.
I walk with a fire that burns so deeply inside it keeps the darkness away.
I do not need a light at the end of the tunnel.
I will light it myself.
WHAT AM I? I am Vulnerable.
I give myself too easily.
My heart leads me down a path that leaves me open to tears.
But I will not consider my fears to be a negative.
I will twist and turn them to my advantage.
It is okay to fall, I will be brave.
I am Dramatic.
You will know I am near.
My head is held high, my eyes flaming, my confidence provoked.
I will not be low.
I will not bow down to anyone.
You will know I am here.
WHAT AM I? I am a Lover.
Faithful and true.
A journey for only two people.
My head, my heart, my body, my sanctuary, my peace.
I am a Friend.
I surround myself with sisters, a bond that is unbreakable inside and out, soul and mind.
They exist within me forever.
Their tears are my tears, their laughs are my memories.
Our smiles and dreams chase any shadows away.
WHAT AM I? I am a Woman.
I am an army on my own.
Do not take my silence for lack of opinion.
Do not mistake my kindess for weakness.
Join me, we will be strong and dangerous.
Together we are an empire.
We will all rise as one.

I ask, you, what is a Queen without a King? It makes no difference.
She will always be a Queen.
And I Salute all Queens…

LINK

exile-wrath  asked:

*KICKS DOWN DOOR* ROMAN HOLIDAY AU

HOLD MY BEER WRATH -CRACKS KNUCKLES-


His Imperial Highness Crown Prince Yuuri Katsuki of Japan is floating.

He’s not sure exactly what Minako had put into his tea. His housekeeper (minder, Yuuri thinks vaguely) had sworn it was a tonic for his nerves, but it tastes like alcohol and it burns through him like alcohol, and maybe he’d wrested an entire bottle of whiskey from her because there is a Jack Daniels bottle discarded at the foot of his bed. And at some point he’d given up on a teacup.

He wants out of this stuffy hotel room, wants to drink in the night lights of the city below. His Eastern European diplomatic tour had taken him from Moscow to Saint Petersburg, and from there he’d eventually go on to the Ukraine, Romania, Bulgaria, and a list of other countries and cities that he can’t be arsed to remember right now. It’d been nothing but meetings and greetings, hand-shaking and ribbon cutting and baby kissing until his lips felt chapped and his fingers ached. The only time he’s had to himself were the ten-minute respites driving from location A to location B, and these lonely nights in penthouse suites of fancy hotels in the heart of cities he was never meant to explore as an ordinary person.

His penthouse suite has access to the roof. Yuuri stumbles along, telling the bodyguards that he needs some air. He can hear them following at a distance, though, as he climbs the stairwell up to the roof of this grand hotel.

Out on the roof, Saint Petersburg spreads out below him, a brisk sea breeze blowing wildly as he breathes in the night air. His hair stirs in the wind; it’s getting a bit long, but he hasn’t had the heart to cut it in a while. Below him the bright glow of streetlights accentuate the cars speeding along the streets, accompanied by buses and trams. Yuuri longs to be one of those people on the streets, driving the cars, sitting on the trams. Ordinary, easily lost in a crowd.

Instead, he shivers in his t-shirt and sweats, his hands gripping at the railing of the roof as he looks out at the distant green-blue dome of a cathedral lit in the night, and all the surrounding elegant buildings that feel like bars in an elegant gilded cage. He needs just a day off. One day without people shepherding him into place and speeches about ‘peace and prosperity’ and ‘fostering good relations between Japan and Russia’. He has lunch with President Baranovskaya tomorrow, a tour of the new Mitsubishi plant on the outskirts of the city, a meet and greet with the press corps. And yet just the thought of each of these things makes him want to scream.

He sways slightly on his feet, and then he notices the staff stairwell on the other side of the roof, and he has an idea.


Viktor Nikiforov is late on his story for the History Maker gossip tabloid, and based on the near-emptiness of his bottle of vodka, he knows that fairly well.

The problem is, this is his only bottle and it’s not nearly enough. So he puts on a light coat, nearly tripping over the slumbering form of his poodle Makkachin on his way out his apartment.

Just down to the corner store for another bottle. Not even a big bottle. He just needs to be the right amount of buzzed for this article to get out of him. Never mind the fact that when he started out in journalism he hadn’t needed to drink to do his damn job.

(Never mind the fact that when he started out, he had been writing for publications of actual repute. But that’s neither here nor there.)

Once he reaches the bottom landing, however, just nipping down for a bottle and then returning to his apartment of solitude suddenly feels like a terrible idea. With the sudden urge to take a walk along the embankment of the Fontana burning brightly in his mind, he rushes back up to his flat to wake his poodle, clipping on Makkachin’s leash and leading him out the door.

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hurtful words (pt. 4)

summary; as Y/N gets to her last straw and begins to lose hope, she also is faced with choosing to let go of Shawn or to fight for their once relationship one last time.

p.s. i highly recommend reading the previous parts, particularly part three, before reading this! i promise you this part will be so much better for you if you do that ahha

PART ONE || PART TWO || PART THREE

MASTERLIST || REQUEST 


The pain was beginning to overcome you, and you felt like you were drowning. Suffocating. You didn’t think there could be any feeling worse than heartbreak, but here you were again —  back in square one. All of the pain was still there, though this time, you weren’t just holding a heart torn in two. You now had the note Shawn wrote for you, thoughts of guilt, and the voucher laying on the edge of your bed. The walls you built around your heart had become so high, that when they were knocked down by the letter and finding out that you were too late, you took the hardest fall yet.

Part of you wanted to redeem the voucher and go to the show that Shawn was having in your hometown in four weeks, but the other part was telling you that the universe was working against you and that you should just give up on the boy. You were unsure of which side of your conscience to listen to, but you knew that you had to choose quick. You were done and tired with everything. Tired of crying yourself to sleep every night, tired of blaming yourself, tired of running in circles, and exhausted of your heart getting smashed to millions of pieces every time you tried to pick up the segments to your messy life. Heartbreak changed you, but for the worse. It felt like everything in your life was flipped upside down, but one thing remained the same: you wanted Shawn back.

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A long wait

Jimin x reader

Anon requested: CEO Jimin

I hope you like it, anon~

genre: smut, fluff, angst

word count: 3.7k


Originally posted by jimins-bootae

Jimin and you had been friends ever since you were able to think. The kindergarten, elementary school, middle and high school you were inseparable. He was a quiet child with high dreams and so were you, except for the time you spent together, playing in the yard or as you went to your first party ever together. Even your first kiss was taken by Jimin as you wanted to know how it felt like. After many years by each others side it was time to go separate paths, long weeks of insomnia following as you missed each other more than your families, crying phone calls in the middle of the night declaring that you needed your friend. But as months and then years went on without seeing Jimin, you both had contained to live without the other, a hole in your heart never closing.

You had to stay home, taking a job as a secretary as Jimin went to college abroad, discovering the world his parents lived in. He had to study where his father made his degrees and after a few years it was time to finally meet your best friend again.

One day you went to work as usual, the boring life you lived making your mood more depressed by the days which passed. But this day should change your daily routine completely. While you checked in you saw how a mob of women built a circle around the CEO’s office, chatting like hell while others just tried to glance inside the room. Curious you tapped your co-worker on her shoulder.

“What’s going on here?”

“You didn’t know? Ah, you were sick last week, right y/n?”, she turned around, a worried expression on her face, but you saw the excitement lingering underneath. “Last week another company bought ours and the new CEO just entered the office and y/n, he is the hottest and youngest CEO I’ve ever seen!”

You nodded, the information sinking down slowly. Your company was brought by some young CEO of another group. Did that mean that you all would be fired? How was your company doing that someone had to buy it? Was its reputation that bad?

“Don’t make such a face, y/n! A paper went around to calm the employees nerves as everything will be as it was before, just the position of our chairman changing. Maybe some old traditions will be exchanged, but don’t worry, we are safe”, she stroked your arm while turning around before you saw that a man exited the bureau.

The new CEO had long legs, a broad back and was dressed in such a costly suit that you registered too late that he stared at you, his plump mouth agape, brown eyes wide awake. His smile was the same some years ago, his plump, pink lips stretched above white teeth which showed a crooked front tooth. The glowing, tanned skin was flushed in red under his high cheekbones and the chocolate almond shaped eyes which crinkled as the smile reached his eyes, you knew better than your own.

How was that possible? Why hadn’t he mailed you in three years? Why had he to stand right in front of you as you were in the middle of all female co-workers? And why the hell had he to smile so brightly at you with his beautiful face while you felt a burning hot fluid pooling in your eyes?

Before you knew it tears streamed down your cheeks, his charming, warm smile changing into shock and pain as you turned around to rush to the women’s toilets. Never had you imagined to see him again after breaking all contacts to you and your family. You were hurt as he went abroad to study, but it was a heartbreaking experience as he never called you the last three years. Of course you called, mailed and even wrote him letters, but you never got an answer all the years.

Time went by, but you didn’t care how long you stayed in front of the mirror, contemplating how to fix your make-up. Maybe twenty minutes maybe one hour, you wobbled out of the toilet, adjusting your skirt and blouse before you faced your co-workers again.

“Y/n!”, a male voice, familiar like the back of your own hand, calling out to you while you tried to rush back to your desk.

But ere you reached the doorknob of the corridor which parted your workplace, arms embraced you from behind. With a solid his grip he turned you around, pulling you into his broad chest.

“I missed you, y/n”, Jimin’s voice shook. “Please, don’t run away from me.”

You were on the verge of tears again while he just held you, his fists enclosed on the fabric on your shoulders. How you missed him, too. His scent, his warmth and his voice.

“J-Jimin..”, you said weakly, pushing your childhood friend away from you. “Why haven’t you ever mailed me again?”, you blurted out, brushing your salty tears away with your palms.

Jimin just looked down on your figure, his heart tightening at your sight, from pain and the love he felt for your being.

“I..I had to cope with a lot of things at that time. My dad passed away, I had to work my ass off and I wanted to make a contract with his company..to live here again. By my best friend’s side!”, the man in his dark suit replied, his hands running through his hair to stay composed.

“I could’ve helped you, Jimin”, you said bitterly, arms crossed in front of your chest.

“It wasn’t that easy. Please, y/n, let me make up for the time I missed the chances to reply and was a big fool to leave you alone for such a long time”, he begged, taking your hands softly out of your position to squeeze them lightly, finally being able to touch you again.

For a while you just glanced at him, he didn’t change much, got a little thinner, but he had the same aura you always adored around him. Even his smile was the same, charming and sweet with a bit of mischief behind it.

“Pick me up at eight. We have a lot to talk about”, you sighed, wanting to slap his pretty face and peck it all over at the same time. Yes, he had hurt you like hell, but every human should be granted a second chance.

“I’ll be there!”, Jimin replied right away ere he remembered something. “Where do you live, y/n?”

Right, he didn’t know as he was gone for too long to know where your new apartment was. Therefore you told him, a shy smile tracing your lips at the thought of spending the evening with your old, lost friend and CEO of your company. You had to ask him so many questions that you thought about making a list, wanting to hear his stories, how he was doing the last years and how your friendship should continue now as he was back.


That night you both talked about everything which pressed on your hearts. He told you how he had to cope with his father’s death and the responsibility this case brought with it. Jimin studied hard to be able to come back as fast as possible to see you again, wherefore he sealed all personal contacts off of him, concentrating to become the heir his family wanted him to be. And just that he did, right now he was ‘free’ to do what he wanted and this contained to buy the company you worked for.

“I see so many lost chances the firm could have gotten. But now that I am leading it, I will make sure that my money was worth spending it on and I swore to my father that I make it successful”, he announced, shoving his fork in his plump mouth. “The most important reason that I spent my money on it was that I knew you were working there.”

While his speech about his past years, his confession right now and the hurt expression on Jimin’ face you cried while listening to him. It was such a long time since you last had seen him that all emotions you had to repress exploded ere you both just stood in the middle of the kitchen, hugging each other tightly. Time passed by and as you lay in his arms on his large couch, Jimin promised to never let his childhood friend go again and so the dark, gloomy days lightened up with every new sunrise, the thought of Jimin making you happier than ever.


A few weeks after your first encounter, you developed the habit to stay over at Jimin’s house, making you both breakfast before rushing to work where you saw him, getting along with his new employees and the position as the company’s CEO. You couldn’t remember a time you were so comfortable at work. But something seeped through your mind slowly, a nagging feeling while your heart clenched, making breathing heavy whenever your eyes locked with Jimin’s. You knew too well what feelings made their way into you, the same damn feelings you had for him the days before his departure, developed by the years he spent by your side. Jimin should never know about your romantic thoughts about him, why you tried not to stay over as many times as his first two weeks back.

“Good morning, y/n”, his usual smile turned his plump lips upwards as he made his daily routine through the company to help his employees with problems. “What held you busy yesterday? I missed your breakfast the last days. You pampered me too much that I can’t eat anything else in the morning!”

You laughed, heat flowing to your cheeks at his words. Why had he to say so sweet things? It made it even harder to repress all the upcoming feelings you felt for him.

“I..I had to visit some friends”, you lied, avoiding his dark eyes.

“Is that so?”, he spoke slowly, not believing your words as he knew if you lied to him immediately. “What about today then?”

You felt eyes burning through your back as your co-workers tried to overhear the conversation you two had, but Jimin made sure that they got back to work with one strict sentence. The last days some female colleagues got suspicious of you two, pressing to spit what was going on between the CEO and you, but you just told them you knew each other, on friendly terms, nothing more. It was the truth, right? A short form of it, but not wrong.

“I don’t think that-”

“Bullshit, y/n. Ten o'clock at my house”, Jimin grinned, patting your head ere he continued his tour through the office.

He was so cheeky, but charming. At that you felt how your heart clenched again, a knot in your stomach tightening as you watched his broad back. You had only two options. Telling him how you started to feel, from high school on, or telling him you needed distance taking your relationship as employer-empolyee as an excuse.


This night you had mixed feelings coursing through your body as you waited for Jimin to open the door. He took his time ere he greeted you, his cute smile taking you by surprise.

“It’s nice to have you sleeping over again, y/n”, Jimin smirked, motioning you to enter his home.

“Y-yeah”, you stuttered, narrowing your eyes to your small bag. “As it’s the weekend I don’t have work, so..”

“Y/n?”

You looked up at the worry in his low voice. The heartbeat of yours beginning to race as you locked eyes with his. Jimin crossed his arms on his chest, cocking his dark eyebrows up.

“Spit it”, he reprimanded you.

Despite his demand you rounded him to slender to his living room, trying to get more time to choose between your two options. He was your friend, he deserved the truth, didn’t he?

“I love you”, you blurted, hands covering your face at your confession. Well, you wanted to talk to him first, letting the theme sink in, but the panic made you blurting out this embarrassing nonsense. “I-I… god, Jimin. Okay I liked you even back in high school and with every fucking day it gets worse, okay?”

Jimin just stood there, listening to you while a bright grin spread upon his tanned face. You finally said it, admitted what he already knew.

“Calm down, y/n”, he simply said, walking up to your position to take your hands in his, his thumbs circling on your skin. “I knew it. Back in high school you wrote this greasy letter to me”, he looked at your shocked expression, a chuckle escaping him. “Do you really think I can’t recognize the handwriting of my best friend?”

You felt how pink your cheeks had to be, cursing yourself for your stupidity of your high school days. But now that your ‘secret’ was out of the bag you felt insecure, not knowing how he felt and how it changed your newly reunited friendship.

“I’m sorry, Jimin, I just had to tell you. And I totally understand if you don’t return my feelings. Please, take your time to think about it!”

You freed yourself from his grip, rushing back to the door ere you run back home, leaving a perplexed Jimin in the centre of his living room.

Now you had to wait for his answer, regret filling your mind before you shook yourself from the negative thoughts about the outcome of your confession.


On monday you had to drag yourself to work, the nagging feeling of rejection clouding your thoughts while you waited for the bell of the elevator to signal the arrival on your floor. Several co-workers greeted you as you slandered to your desk, falling down on your chair ere your department’s boss knocked on the surface of your desk.

“Good morning, Miss y/l/n. Mr. Park wants to see you in his office, please take your files and follow me”, your boss said while you snatched your reports to follow him to Jimin’s office a few floors above.

“Mr. Park? Your employee, Miss y/l/n, is here”, your boss announced as he knocked on your CEO’s office door.

“Come in, please”, you heard Jimin say, an unknown tune lacing his calm voice. Fear stiffened your limbs as you entered the light illuminated room. Jimin sat behind his desk ere he stood up to greet you.

“Hey, y/n”, he said, eyes crinkled while he shot you his signature smile. Without a warning he reached behind you to turn the key in the lock. Then he turned his attention to you, pulling you into him while pressing his plump, pink lips straight on yours.

Confused and shocked you glanced at him, wide eyes so close to his that you saw how long his black eyelashes lay on his cheeks while he closed his eyes, cupping your face as he deepened the kiss. It was the answer of your confession, you knew it as he delicately moved his mouth on yours, letting you take control. Therefore you pushed him back while never letting his lips go until the back of his legs bumped into his desk.

“Y/n, I always wanted you”, he said, voice hoarse whereas his hands traced down to your waist. You just knew what would follow, sliding your fingers over his costly suit while leaning in on him again to passionately kiss him. Jimin tasted so good you didn’t even care that you stood in the middle of his office, his employees running around only metres away. They landed on his chest, unbuttoning his knobs in heat as you finally could taste him like you always wanted.

“I want you, Jimin. And I waited forever”, you stated as he latched his tongue on your neck, sucking gently on your skin.

“The door’s locked, what do you wait for?”, he teased, voice muffled from your skin while he copied your actions and began to open your blouse, revealing your lacy bra to him.

Now you both couldn’t be held back as you stripped each other as far as you could, mouths clashing onto the other hastily. Lastly Jimin had only his open white shirt on while you stood before him, wearing nothing more than your bra and panties, blood boiling at the sight in front of you.

“You’re beautiful”, he whispered, pulling you in again to pepper more kisses along your collarbones down your stomach ere he slid down your panties, slowly exposing your heat to his hungry eyes. He cupped it, rubbing his palm on your nub, which made you moan a little ere your covered your mouth with your own hand.

“I-I’m already ready for you, Jimin”, you informed him, the previous make-out session and stripping of his clothes got you going and discovering that under his expensive clothes lay a toned, tanned and muscular body was just the icing which fuelled your arousal. Your mouth watering as you saw his freaking thick thighs.

Jimin only nodded, his fingers disappearing between your legs, dipping one in you to feel how wet your pussy already were.

“You’re definitely ready and so I am”, your CEO and childhood friend announced, standing up to lift you into his arms, your legs enclosed around his hips while your heat made contact to his throbbing dick, feeling how warm and thick his length pressed against your folds. How you wished for this to happen ever since high school. And now it finally took place, in his office while he was the CEO of your company and you his employee, but that didn’t matter whereas you both had the same feelings for each other.

The handsome guy sat down, leaning back into his chair while he positioned you on his lap to straddle him, your cores pressed together.

“What if someone wants to come in?”, you felt a tinge of nervousness at that thought, but Jimin just chuckled, caressing your bare ass with his soft hands. He smacked it ere he soothed you with the words that he was the damn CEO and if someone wanted to talk to him they had to wait, being it an important matter or not, he wanted to fuck you right now nothing more and nothing less.

With that you traced a line through your folds to damped his cock in your juices a few times before you slowly sat down on it, feeling his wet tip entering you. Jimin moaned quietly at the sensation as you took him in till he filled you completely, staying still while adjusting to the stretch his dick caused. Your eyes rolled back while he pressed his lips on yours again, his hands grabbing your hips to move tardily up and down, the stretch causing you pain which evolved into arousal pretty fast.

“Jimin”, you moaned his name as you began to roll your hips into his, his cock pressing on your walls with every move, making you cry out his name. Before anyone would hear your loud voice he pulled you down, moving his lips passionately on yours to muffle the lewd sounds coming out of your mouth.

By the time you rocked your hips furiously into his, panting while his throat escaped some grunts. Jimin grabbed you harder, helping you to bounce on his dick as a knock on the door disturbed your love making.

“Mr. Park, I have the files you requested”, a female voice reached through the closed door, Jimin’s forehead pressing against yours as his breathless voice filled the room.

“I’m busy right now. Wait for a while.”

You chuckled, oh he was busy. Therefore you bounced hard on his cock, the friction his skin caused at your clit intensifying, but not as much as you would have loved it to. Jimin on the other side focused on your face, contoured in lust as he felt himself close to his own release. You saw how sweaty his body was as your skin hit his, perverted sounds caused by your juices and the sweat tuning through his office. He bit his plump lower lips while circling your hips on his, making him come with a loud, low moan so near your ear that you got goosebumps. How long you wanted to hear it while his seeds shot into your pussy, sitting down on Jimin until he finished trembling underneath you. He breathed so heavy, letting whimpers out which were more melodious than music in your ears.

Slowly you stood up, some drops of his white semen flowing down his dick as he fell out of you with a loud smack onto his toned abs.

“Y/n, I never said it, but you’re not just my best friend anymore, a long time ago I realized that it is you who I want”, he whispered while kissing your lips after every word. “It has to be our little secret for a while, but I think we can do it, right?”

“If we repeat this if I have my break, then that’s okay”, you winked at him, a light giggle falling from your lips as he looked at you, the common mischief tracing his eyes.

“Firstly you say 'I love you’ to your friend and now you seduce your CEO?”

You laughed, grabbing your clothes ere you dressed yourself. So did he while never letting you go with his dark eyes.

“I have a thing for someone called Park Jimin, so yes”, you answered him while he embraced you from behind.

“Luckily my name is the same”, Jimin grinned. “Now back to work, y/n. Let me do you a favour tonight. Eight o'clock again?”

You turned around, kissing his plump, pink lips again, adjusting his grey tie on it’s place. Now it was set, you were in love with your best friend, secret high school love and at the same time CEO. But you didn’t care what his status was as he kissed you back, smiling into your lips.

Relentless | Calum Hood Series Pt.6

                                                 Part S I X 

Request: Being the cousin of Ashton Irwin was exciting, especially when invited to their tour to hang out with his best friends. You found yourself becoming fond of Calum Hood, who finds you annoying from your constant appearance. But what would happen if you stopped giving him that attention?

Word Count: 3k+

A/N: 100 notes is the goal, lovelies! im so happy a bunch of you are enjoying this series. i love writing each part knowing that a lot of you will be satisfied to read it! gives me a ton of confidence in my writing xx

Parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty. [DONE]

                                                 I M A G I N E

Helsinki, 23:07 P.M. (post-concert, almost midnight)

“Hold on for a sec.” 

Those words stood still in the silence, making your bones completely freeze and stop you from joining the rest of the boys outside. The yanking of your hem became a distant memory as you looked up at the sweaty, yet stern-faced Calum right in front of you. 

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So here’s my feelings on the Strobelite video.

I loved the video. Strobelite like a lot of the album it got slack for not having 2D prominently featured on it whatsoever, but it’s a catchy upbeat song that talks about escaping & leaving your troubles behind. The music video portrayed exactly that.

Now I don’t necessarily trust backhanded sources but I did hear that someone that was on the set mentioned the vid originally having a fight scene for Russ & Murdoc. I’ll be honest, if I had seen that instead, it just would have contradicted the lightheartedness of the video. We don’t always needs Gorillaz videos to be dark, just like the innocence of Dare or Dirty Harry. Seeing 2D + Noodle dance the night away with big smiles on their faces just made me feel so happy knowing how far they’ve both come & what’s to probably come for them, knowing we’ve got long ways to go before phase 4 ends.

Now I will say that the video was flawed.

Why? No-show Russel Hobbs. I’m not sure what went wrong, apparently it had to do with the model but I still want to see & hear more from him. I do believe Jamie and his writers have a lot more in store for Russel. I’ve said it from the start that this album sounds like it’s been influenced by him the most, so I want to think that they’ll take this as a motive to make him a much bigger part of the plot. Regardless, there’s always been lack of attention on Russel, but I have yet to doubt Jamie Hewlett’s motives, so I’ll be patient.

Speaking of patience, oh my god. The reactions. Listen, it is totally okay to have your opinions about the video. It’s not my favorite and it doesn’t have to be yours, but the amount of disrespect I’ve been reading within the last 24 hours since the video’s dropped is absolutely disgusting. I won’t get into the 2nu discourse that sparked from this just because it’s a subject I’d rather not touch. I get that there were some fans expecting more out of this video since Jamie had set the bar so high for Saturnz Barz, but I think the issue here is the fandom is starting to expect too much. The nagging for a new video started since the beginning of May, before it was even announced let alone filmed. It was well worth the wait & lived down to the hype for me and I think it’s because I understood that you can’t half-ass this kind of editing and animation they did for the music video.

Unless you’re an artist or aspiring animator, you truly have no idea just how much work goes into animation. The motion capture from this video had more than a significant difference from what we’ve seen with Sleeping Powder & the test run promo interviews. It was so clear & smooth, it was almost video-game like. What impressed me the most was the way they edited the mo-cap so precisely into the live action that the characters were accurately proportioned height & body wise next to the real life background actors. Anyways, it really shocked me to see so many people trash the way the video looked when this took just as much effort as Saturnz Barz, if not more.

I’ve said this before but considering I’ve been a fan since 2013, I never got to fully experience new Gorillaz content in real time & it’s fair to say that a good majority of you guys who are new to the fandom haven’t either. There’s also a lot of fans who have been around from the beginning that should know what it’s like to wait. What bothers me most is seeing both ends of the spectrum act so entitled, even after Jamie & Damon give you guys as much as they can without burning themselves out.

I’m genuinely excited no matter what. I’m not gonna let stupid and negative comments damper my experience with being a fan of Gorillaz. I’m pumped for their tv series, those unreleased tracks to finally come out, the little hints they throw at us with plots, new merch, more art Jamie’s been working on, and upcoming tour dates with new added visuals with every show. There’s so much stuff to be excited for, and I have no idea why some people that claim to be fans of Gorillaz are acting like we have nothing to work with when in actuality, we could have never had any of this if it wasn’t for Jamie & Damon making amends.

Coming full circle now, I’ll leave you with this. Enjoy Gorillaz the way you choose to. If you find too many things wrong with it, maybe the band and overall community just isn’t for you anymore. It’s not like Jamie would ever read this but I think the Strobelite video was overall fucking amazing & I can’t wait to see what else is in store!

This Day in 1D History - July 13

2011: 

  • the boys wrap filming for the What Makes You Beautiful music video!!

2012: 

  • Zouis are pure joy outside the studio in London (via jojopics)

2013: 

  • the M&G gems just keep on comin’…

2014: 

  • backstage love before the show!
  • Where We Are Tour concert – Porto, Portugal
  • “…I’ll just stand here, and burn in my skin”

2016: 

  • Harry has a slight slip-up (lmao) on set in Urk 
  • Niall chats with two young pros at the 145th Open Championship in Glasgow

I waited on the steps of the chemistry building, shivering. It was unseasonably cold, but I had learned to accept strange things. I only had to wait for one more person, and then I was able to go. I looked at my watch. I could have sworn it was earlier than the last time I checked, but I had no clue whether that was because I had read it wrong, or if the watch was broken, or if I had accidentally entered one of the pockets of frozen time that seemed to occasionally appear on campus. I heard footsteps, and looked up to see a girl- a freshman, I assumed. She looked terrified.

“Hey,” she said.

“Red?” I knew it wasn’t her true name, but I did demand that I was given a name commonly used by the person. No doubt she’d chosen Red because of her hair. 

“Yes. Do you have-“ 

"Of course I do. Do you have the money?”

She held out a five dollar bill.

“This is not a gift. Are you sure you want this?”

She hesitated for a moment, but nodded. “I need to know- my roommate, I think she was taken-”

I cut her off again. It’s easier if I don’t know their story. “Alright. Here you go, then.” I passed her the tiny bottle, and took her money in exchange. “Don’t leave it on for too long, or it will burn you.”

She nodded, then left, looking both ways. I crossed her name off my list. Three people this month- it was always more common in the first few months, before they learned. I stood up, folding the list into my pocket, and started walking. I had one more errand before I could go back to the chemistry building.

They had always said that the chemistry building was a safe place. It made sense, what with the years of iron and silver and various salts being spilled and used and studied. When I had toured, I had only seen the architecture, the labs, only had been fascinated by the traditions. I hadn’t expected to go there- it wasn’t high on my list. I applied as an afterthought. Strangely, though, I seemed to have made some kind of mistake, as every other school I had sent my application to swore they had received by nothing. It wasn’t until I arrived there that I saw the fear in the eyes of chemistry students. I learned quickly that many of the chem majors slept in a lab instead of their rooms, afraid they had angered the fair folk, hiding behind their iron and silver. 

I had thought the chemistry building was safe, too. Ironically, it was the chemistry building that put me in danger to begin with. I had found some disused storeroom, which I realized was filled with old bottles and containers. I poked through a lot of them. The room was dark, and I was jumpy. When the floorboards above my head creaked, I accidentally knocked a few bottles off the shelf. Swearing, I jumped away, but not before I felt liquid splash on my leg. Panicking, I looked at the label on the bottle. It was silver nitrate, of course. I didn’t realize what would happen at the time. My only concern was getting it off before it did more than stain my skin.

It wasn’t until I went to my other classes that I realized I had developed the sight. Those few hours are a blur. I only remember the fear of being discovered, and the greater fear I felt in seeing familiar figures warped into their true images by my newly awakened eyes.

The reason it is blurred was probably because of L. 

I don’t remember how they looked, but I knew they weren’t human the instant I saw them sitting at the bottom of the pool, and they knew I could see their true self. I remember sharp teeth, and a look in their eye that said if you play your cards wrong, you will end up losing your eyes for this offense. I remember, in desperation, saying that I wanted to strike a deal.

The sharp teeth showed again in a grin, and the negotiations began. I knew what I wanted- I wanted protection, safety. I wanted to survive my four years here. L- I still don’t know how their name is supposed to look like- elle? el? just L?- listened to me, and then offered their conditions. I thought at the time that it was a small price to pay for my life. I don’t know if I’d make the same choice again, but at the time, I agreed readily. I passed out at their touch, and woke up in my room. My roommate told me I’d been gone for days, and when I looked at my leg, the silver nitrate stain was gone. I told my roommate I had been studying, and moved all my things to the abandoned storeroom. 

I finally reached my destination. I was right on time- L would be waiting.

Sure enough, there was what appeared to be a beautiful person sitting at the bottom of the pool with their eyes closed. L never looked the same way, when I went on my monthly visit to the pool. This time, they didn’t even open their eyes as I walked to the edge of the pool.

I reached into my pocket for the list. Three names. I had done this enough times that I was almost used to it. The first few times, I had wept, but now this was just another way of protecting myself. Other people at the school wear iron charms and hold salt; I do, too, for extra insurance, but it’s more to blend in. L keeps me safe. 

I dropped the folded up paper into the water. Instead of floating, it sank straight to the bottom, moving towards L as if in an invisible current, the paper unfolding itself as it slipped into L’s dainty hand. They opened their eyes, lazily, and scanned the paper. Their face split into the unearthly grin that seemed the only part of them that remained horrific with the sight, and they blew me a kiss and winked as I turned away. 

The first time I had given out the silver nitrate to those unwise enough to confide their desire to See, I tried to not notice what happened to them. L did not spare them for their decisions as they had spared me, and it had taken me three weeks to spot one of them, his eyelids sewn shut, dark fluid oozing from the corners of his eyes. I’ve stopped looking at people’s faces now. At first it was guilt that bothered me, but now it’s the lack of guilt. 

As I walked to the building, someone bumped into me. It was Red, her eyes wide with horror. I noticed the stain on her finger.

“My roommate- she- oh… oh gods. You need to help me…”

I looked at her, meeting her eyes for what might be the last time.

“Don’t worry, the effects aren’t permanent.”

“You think I won’t be able to see her tomorrow?” she asked.

“I’m sure of it.”

[Bees]

anonymous asked:

Why is any criticism towards Harry's promo shut down? Or if mentioned it's a quick yeah it's not perfect, it's just glossed over but I'll find posts and posts highlighting all the errors on the rest of the boys promo. I'm not talking about you specifically, but I thought you'd have some insight. It's like talking about harrys promo is shut down, unless it's positive or only talking about the womanizer angle.

To be fair, I’m not seeing a great number of posts about Niall or Liam’s promo either, so I’m not sure why you’re saying that “all the rest” get a lot of promo criticism. It’s just Louis’ team and promo as far as I can tell.

But to answer your question, I think it’s because, with the clear exception of his utter lack of social media presence (which we have discussed with frustration at length and there’s simply not much more to say) and the womanizer stuff, his promo is pretty great. 

Sign of the Times was nearly perfect, promo-wise. The fact that the song didn’t have the kind of chart longevity that you would hope for is the song’s fault, not promo. Two Ghosts has been odd with no promo and no video yet, but that seems to be a deliberate choice.

And I think that’s the key here, Harry’s promo seems to be deliberately album/brand/tour focused than single-song-focused and since his brand is super strong (people love him, love his voice, praise his songs even if they aren’t being streamed heavily, etc.), it just doesn’t seem like there’s much to say.

Harry’s team is making some curious choices, no question, but those choices seem to be Harry-approved, not things that are meant to undermine him. So there’s more “I don’t get it” than “OMG THEY SUCK!”.

Or maybe that’s just me, idk.  I think they’re playing the long game now and that they’re thinking forward to his second album impact. They know they won’t get a lot of mileage out of singles from The Pink Album since nothing fits on the radio, but they’re promoting him, sparingly so as not to burn people out, and promoting the tour, and setting up things like a Live Lounge and this BBC special. And that’s NOT shoddy promo!

So again, except for the utterly ridiculous wash-rinse-repeat of the blonde gf in his t-shirt bullshit and the social media blackout, I’m not seeing a lot wrong with what they’re doing, so there’s just not that much to talk about.

Quick January Fic Favourites

I don’t even remotely about have time to do a full length and in-depth list right now, but I figured I would give a super quick shout out to 10 fics I’ve read and loved in the last month!

Friends with Renefits by @moonwalkingcrab 

Friends with benefits modern au, great smut, quality banter. overall top notch snarky assholes with bonus feelings. 

Pointe Shoes and Prana-Bindu by GenerallyHuxurious (I always forget what they changed their blog url to so pls remind me if you know) 

Kylo was a belly dancer. Hux was a ballet dancer. Can I make it any more obvious (shameless Avril Lavigne reference is shameless.) Seriously, read this. I yelled when I saw that this had updated. 

All The Way To Your Door by @kyluxtrashcompactor 

Fake relationship AU in which Kylo accompanies Hux home following the death of his father. Lots of hurt/comfort. Seriously great. 

Lacuna by @solohux 

By now you all know how I feel about solohux and how much I love everything they write. Established relationship future fic in which Kylo loses his memory and forgets his marriage to Hux. This is only just getting started and it’s already made me cry twice. 

Political Warfare by @reserve

The triumphant return of reserve to kylux fic. And it’s benarmie!!! Political shenanigans and awkward blowjobs! What more do we really need in these dark times?

Flyboys by @gefionne 

Oh man. This fic. I get giddy when this updates. World War 2 pilots AU. The slow burn is gonna slowly kill me, but it’s worth it. 

Fragile: Handle With Care by @rosierivendell

Oh man this is perfect. It’s techienician with a perfect blend of heart-wrenching emotion and soft loving moments. Matt’s characterisation is one of the most interesting interpretations that I’ve read. 

Bohemian Rhapsody by for_autumn_i_am

This fic is beautiful. Kylo is a street musician in Prague and Hux is touring with an orchestra. I adore the characterisation of this, and it makes me want to hop on a plane to Prague right now. (I googled it, it would only cost me about £50. Does anyone wanna come to Prague?)

bodies against by @brawlite 

Have you ever wanted to read gratuitous porn about Hux wearing fancy lingerie and getting gangbanged by the Knights of Ren? I have some fantastic news for you! 

The Pleasure Tester by @jinxedambitions 

Hux has a cam show where he tests sex toys. Kylo gets off on it. I love this fandom. 

Originally posted by 2mainstreamhipster

I can’t wait to see you part 2 // SHAWN MENDES

Overview: Shawn has a side chick and Y/n calls him out over it and the truth is uncovered

Authors note: one or two swear words


It was 5:34 am when I turned my phone on again. I had slept uneasily, my dreams filled with Shawn and this new woman, causing me to wake up and cry all over again. I felt pathetic as the lock screen lit up and I waited; waited to see if he had tried to contact me.

There were 3 messages. One from my phone company and 2 from Shawn. I opened the messages, my eyes blurring with unshed tears.

Hi babe, sorry I had to cut our call off, I love you xx received 9:03 pm.

So I just got back from dinner, still missing you, by any chance are you up? If not love you xx received 1:21 am.

It didn’t make any sense. Did he not realise I knew about his other woman? Did he think I was that stupid that I would ignore the wake up call I just received about our relationship?

I didn’t reply to any of his messages that day. One, because I was mad and two, what was I supposed to say to a man who was supposedly cheating.

I had just sat down on the couch, finally having the guts to text him a short and sweet hey. What I got back however made my stomach sink.

Please don’t tell Y/n about what happened last night. Strictly between us!! you understand me Jessica!?!??

My body froze, the quick feeling of uneasiness settled through me.

Tell me what, Shawn?

My hands fiddled with the blanket as I awaited his response.

Shit, Y/n? 

Yeah…?

I swear, I did not mean to send this to you

I huff, anger slowly replacing the hurt. Why won’t he tell me? My phone lights up with an incoming call and I quickly swipe, ending the call. It lights up again. End. Again. End. Once more.

“What Shawn?” I growl, my nails digging into my palm as I try to take out my anger on anything.

“Y/n, Baby, please you have to listen to me,” He begins but I cut him off quickly.

“I never thought I’d be this kind of girlfriend Shawn, but who the heck is Jessica?” I question loudly into the phone. “Why are you going to dinner with her? Why are you hanging up on me to spend time with her and why for goodness sake did you not want to tell me about it?”

“Y/n, please,” Shawn whimpers and I roll my eyes.

“Quit avoiding the questions Shawn and just answer them!”

“I met Jessica on tour,” He says finally.

“Oh yeah,” I try to say, void of emotion but my voice cracks revealing the hidden hurt.

“Not like anything you’re thinking Y/n, she works with Island Records and we have a mutual interest in music,” 

“Gosh Shawn everyone has a mutual interest in music,” I snap, tears flowing down my cheeks. “I thought I could trust you,” I whisper.

“Baby, no you can, please listen to me,” He rushes to say and the connection dies. I take my phone away from my ear to see he’s hanged up on me. I scoff, surprise written on my face. My phone buzzes again, warning me of an incoming face time call.

I hesitantly accept. “Yes,” 

“Y/n, alright, Jessica doesn’t like me,” he says, and I meet his eyes through the screen. His hairs a mess, all astray on his head and he looks tired.

“Sure seems like it,” I say sarcastically.

“Its true sweetie, she likes someone else, the dinner was to discuss tour and what we were planning on doing next with our careers,” his eyes plead with mine to believe him, searching for just a tiniest seed of hope.

“Why she calling you babe then like she’s into you?” I question again, my rage turning into jealousy.

“She calls everyone babe, honey, even Andrew,” I chuckle slightly at this.

“That still doesn’t explain why you didn’t want her to tell me you were hanging out,” 

His cheeks redden and his lips twitch up in a smile.

“Okay well that reaction makes me feel so much better,” I snap, the jealousy burning up again.

“I wanted to keep it a secret from you,” Shawn smirks at my enraged expression. “But you seem to keep second guessing my love for you Y/n,” 

The anger turns to confusion. “What? Shawn if this is some twisted way to say-”

“I love you Y/n,” I blush at his words as he laughs. “So much,” he drags the o out in so.

“Shawn I’m trying to stand up for myself here,”

“I know,” He grins, and he leans over to grab something out of sight of the camera. “So last night I may have got just a little tipsy and I splurged on some items,” he confesses.

“Point is?” I grumble.

“I bought you a wedding ring,” Shawn tells me, biting his lip nervously.

“Say what?” I gasp, my stomach flipping. “You did not,”

He grins sheepishly at me. “I was talking with Jessica and she was just saying how even though we’ve known each other for little under a year, it feels like we’ve known each other for decades and then I wound up at a jewelry store and a diamond ring in my pocket,”

“Shawn,” I mumble, my cheeks burning.

“I can’t help it, my love for you drives me to do crazy things,” 

Ryden Theory

Ryden.  Ryan Ross and Brendon Urie.  The two men who have royally fucked up my life.  I wanted to “decode”  their relationship.  Song lyrics, interview, lore.  Everything.  If anyone has read M Theory about Sherlock, that is the feel I’m going for.  I’m going to do this chronologically, but first a quick overview of Ryden and a little background.   Even If you don’t believe they were in love, the loss of friendship is just as sad.

DISCLAIMER

A lot of this is speculation.  I love Brendon, Ryan, Jon, Spencer, Dallon and Sarah.  

Overview

So, Ryan Ross and Brendon Urie are both known because of the band Panic!  At the Disco.  A band that has had no fewer than nine members.  The originals, Brendon Urie, Ryan Ross, Spencer Smith, and Brent Wilson.  Ryan and Spencer had been friends since they were five and had begun the band playing Blink-182 covers.  Many splits over twelve years, leaving lead singer, Brendon Urie, the only original member left.  

2005

Panic!  Was originally Ryan and Spencer Smith (original drummer’s)  band, joined by Brent Wilson (original bassist)  who was the one to bring in Brendon.  The thing is, Brendon was originally the backup guitarist with Ryan as lead vocals.  After hearing Brendon sing they made him lead singer and Ryan the lead guitarist.  Ryan was reluctant to let Brendon take over, these were HIS songs about HIS struggles.  Both Ryan and Brendon have talked about how hard it was for them to communicate on how to sing the songs.  You might know the next bit,  they sent some demos (Camisado, Time to Dance, Nails for Breakfast and Tacks for Snacks)  to Pete Wentz (Fall Out Boy bassist)  who flew to LA and watched them practice.  He ended up signing them to his label, decaydance.  Ryan wrote all of the songs from A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out, the album including hit, I Write Sins Not Tragedies.  Chances are, this is the first P!atd song you ever heard.  Ryan and Brendon were beginning to warm up to each other.

2006

Panic!  Really hit it big in 2006.  They sold 10, 000 albums in the first week.  Later on that year they won ‘MTV video of the Year’ for I Write Sins.  They began to tour. This is around the time they started the ‘stage-gay’.  You may have seen the ‘Perfect Passionate Kiss’ video  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YK25McZVK0c) .  Later this year the first split occurred, bassist Brent Wilson was kicked out of the band.  It was revealed that he didn’t record any bass on the album.  Instead, Brendon had filled in and recorded all of the bass.  The Nothing Rhymes With Circus tour replaced Brent with Jon Walker.  The Circus tour’s most notable event was

Myrtle Beach.

Myrtle Beach

Panic! Had a dancer named Dream, who every night would go on stage and say that Brendon was a virgin.  In an interview, Dream said this was a lie.  Greta Salpeter from Hush Sound, who was touring with Panic!  Said that they went skinny dipping at Myrtle Beach around midnight.    This is normal.  Friends skinny dip together all the time.  What makes it part of Ryden Lore is good ol’ Ryro’s livejournal post later that night.

6-25-06 01:21:28 PDT - (No Subject)

The moon bred new Atlantic life tonight. the salt burned you right out of my eyes. and secrets we’re not proud of were taken with the tide. We were all newborns with blurred vision and no sense of direction.

Today I saw cancer, cigarettes and shortness of breath. this is why I walk to the ocean. swim with jellyfish. I may never get this chance again. this is why if you want to kiss you should kiss. If you want to cry you should cry, and if you want to live you should live. You don’t have to love me. You already did. At least enough to keep me smiling from South Carolina to Virginia. it’s for lovers (orjustfriends) This is why I do it.

THIS IS AFTER BEING NAKED WITH BRENDON.  UNDER THE MOONLIGHT.  JUST SAYING.

Also, I’m going to mention a few lyrics here.  I will go deeper into lyrics later on.

Northern Downpour

Hey moon, please forget to fall down.

I’m just going to say, it’s probable that Ryan and Brendon fucked that night.  I think this lyric is about not wanting that night to end.  Hey moon, don’t you go down.  Don’t go down because that means this night is over.  A night which was probably one of the best of their lives.

2007

2007 was pretty uneventful.  They started to work on Pretty. Odd, around the same time Ryan’s dad passed away.  They worked through it though.  The band.

2008

They released the first single Nine in the Afternoon, early in 2008.  What stands out about this song is really the video.  Despite having great lyrics, if you’re looking at this through the Ryden Conspiracy Theorist Lens™ like I am, the video really stands out.  The end especially shows how comfortable they were around each other.  It’s just really cute.  I don’t want to talk about Northern Downpour yet because it’s 1 AM and I don’t want to cry right now.  So we’re going to talk about  When The Day Met The Night.  This is the Sun and Moon theory.  Ryan is the sun, Brendon is the moon.  Some believe it’s the other way around.  Please check http://analyzingpanic.tumblr.com/post/65592663208/i-think-its-the-other-way-around-ryans-the-sun for why I think this.  I think that the song is a story.  A story about how they fell in love.

 When the moon (Brendon) found the sun (Ryan)  he looked like he was barely hanging on.  I think this is saying that  before Brendon, Ryan was close to giving up.  

  Her (Brendon) eyes saved his (Ryan) life.  Brendon’s love saved Ryan.  Like it or not, Brendon’s voice is what gave Panic! That little boost that it desperately needed to make it big.  Many other songs reference this particular piece of lore.  Anyway, I guess I have to do it now.  Northern Downpour.  THE Ryden song.  First, we have to talk about Ryan’s 21st birthday.  Pete threw Ryan a party in New York, which is on the EAST coast.  Ryan was the only one drinking age, so the rest flew to RAINY NORTHERN SEATTLE.  Around midnight Ryan left his party and his girlfriend, Keltie Colleen, and flew to Seattle without warning.  Maybe you’ve already figured it out.

 I missed your skin when you were east.  Ryan was on the east coast away from Brendon.  This ties in with- You clicked your heels and wished for me.  Ryan wished he was with Brendon.  

 I know the world’s a broken bone, but melt your headaches, call it home.  THIS LINE.  Ryan told Brendon to pay special attention to this line.  Also, this is the line when Brendon would start crying while performing it after the 2009 split.  The meaning though.  I think it’s about how yes, the world sucks, and hurts.  But if you ignore that, let the pain melt away, it’s home.  

You may be wondering how we know about Seattle.  The thing is, there’s photos of them there.  Eating at the Market.  Ryan in the same clothes as the night before.  Seattle itself is very important.  Ryan has said it’s his favourite place to perform.  Ry was driving to Seattle when he got the call that his father died.  Of course there’s also the “Maybe one day we’ll settle in Seattle” line.  Also Bren breaking down while performing   Casual Affair in Seattle.

Okay. I’m done with 2008.  Bring on 2009.

2009

If I didn’t want to talk about Northern Downpour, I definitely don’t want to talk about 2009.  But I gotta.  Fuck 2009.  2009 is the year of the split.  The cited reason of the split is ‘Musical Differences’  I think that this is partially true.  Ryan and Jon had begun to write music on their own.  They had also started to make fun of Brendon’s attempts at writing music.  The tension was building.  They did try to work things out by going to a cabin to write their next album,  Crickets and Clover.  Never heard of it?  That’s okay.  It was never released.  Now.  Now we talk about Cape Town.

Cape Town

This was it.  The End.  I can’t really talk about Cape Town.  No one knows what happened.

The Young Veins

Ryan and Jon left.  They formed their own semi-successful band.  There’s a few song we need to talk about.  Lie to the Truth is all about how Ryan tried to love Keltie, but couldn’t.  About how he wanted needed their relationship to stay private.  But I really need to talk about Cape Town. Yes, they wrote a song about.  BUT IT’S RYAN ROSS SO NO ONE FUCKING KNOWS WHAT HE’S TALKING ABOUT.  POETIC LITTLE SHIT. Specifically, the contrast between it and The Calendar.  I think that The Calendar is very important so I’ll talk about it separately later.

Cape Town vs.  The Calendar

The Calendar

And I meant everything that I said that night.   Brendon did mean everything he said.  Presumably they had a fight.

I will come back to life, but only for you.  THIS CHANGES THE LAST LINE.  Yes, Brendon meant what he said, he was mad. But he was still in love.  He can forgive him.  Only him.

Cape Town

Woke me in the morning, asked me if I meant it.  I’m assuming Ryan said some pretty shitty things to Brendon.  But he didn’t mean them.

I loved, I left you, in Cape Town.  Ryan did love Brendon, but they couldn’t stay together.

Vices & Virtues

I love this album.  So much.  I cried the first time I listened to it.  I swear this entire album is about Ryan Ross.  Every song has meaning so this’ll take a while.

The Ballad of the Mona Lisa

Say what you mean.  Ryan stop being so cryptic and just TELL BRENDON WHAT YOU MEAN.

Let the sun rain down on me.  Sun and Moon theory.

Give me a sign, I want to believe.  Brendon wants Ryan to show him he’s still in love with him, Brendon wants them to be together.

You’re guaranteed to run this town.  Good job, Ry!  You finally have control over you music.  Even later into 2009 Ryan and Brendon still struggled with how Brendon was singing Ryan’s lyrics.  This is Bren being petty.

I’d pay to see you frown.  Brendon wants Ryan to fail so he’ll finally realize that he needs Brendon.  

Pleased to please ya.  Brendon felt like Ryan thought that it was a privilege for Brendon to sleep with him.

Hurricane

You’re behind my eyelids when I’m all alone.   Brendon misses Ryan.  A lot.

I led the revolution, in my bedroom.  This is talking about the fact Ryden was a LGBTQ+  relationship.

They don’t look like me.  Brendon’s a cocky lil shit.  Brendon knows that Ryan isn’t going to be with anyone more attractive than him.

They don’t sound like me.  No matter how hard Ryan and Jon try, none of those songs they write can sound like his.  They don’t have the vocal ability.

This one hurts too.  Memories

With an unrequited love.  Brendon felt that Ryan never really loved him back

She was the youngest of the family, and the last to be let go.  Brendon was the youngest of a large mormon family.

Then they decided that they would try to make it on their own.  The original four all risked everything for this chance that they would make it in the music world.

Oh memories, where’d you go?   You were all I’d ever known.  I actually think this is about Ryan and Spencer’s friendship.  One of the unanswered questions of the split is, why did Spencer side with Brendon even though Ryan had been his best friends since they were five?

How I miss yesterday.  Brendon and Spencer both just really want it to be 2009 again.

When July became December.  An overarching theme of this album is summer ending.  This is often related to the split.

But they couldn’t quite remember what inspired them to go.  After the underwhelming debut of The Young Veins, Ryan and Jon would have to watch Panic!  Make a comeback, without them.

They were fighting for their love, it was growing tired.  Brendon and Ryan tried to make it work.

When the money lost momentum.  Ryan and Jon were probably rolling in Panic!  Royalties after they left, but although they still gain a little money from their Panic! Days, it’s definitely slowed down.

They were young and independent, and they thought they had it planned. Should have known right from the start, you can’t predict the end.  At the beginning they were young, and desperate for separation from their parents.  They thought everything would be perfect.  You can’t predict how things will end.

Don’t let it fade away.  I think that this is a message to us, the fans.  Don’t let these first two albums be forgotten.

Trade Mistakes

I think this song is about Brendon’s mistakes as a lover and friend.   About how it bothers him that Ryan can seemingly just keep going without him.  Brendon knows he fucked up by letting Ryan leave, he wants to trade those mistakes for peace of mind

Ready to Go (Get Me Out Of My Mind)

You’ve got these little things, that you’ve been running from.  Ryan had a troubled childhood that still haunts him, it’s why he can’t stay with someone from his past.  These tiny things following him everywhere.

I’m ready to live.  Fuck Ryan Ross.  Brendon is learning how to be in Panic! Without Ryan.   Learning to live without Ryan.

Get me out of my mind.  Brendon wants to think about anything but Ryan.

Always  this song fucks me up too

When the world gets too heavy, put it on my back.  I think this is about how Ryan wrote songs about his struggles, then Brendon had to sing it.  Brendon would have to carry part of the burden.

You’re taking me apart.  Brendon is slowly being pulled apart, Ryan left him.  His band is split in two.

It was always you, falling for me.   Brendon now sees that Ryan did love him.  

I’m the light blinking at the end of the road, blink back to let me know.  Despite everything, Brendon is still waiting for Ryan.  He’s begging Ryan for a sign that there’s something worth waiting for.

I’m a fly that’s trapped, in a web, but I’m thinking that, my spider’s dead.  Brendon is still very in love with Ryan, but he’s beginning to believe that there’s no hope for them.

Lonely, lonely little life, I could kid myself, thinking that I’m fine.  Brendon feels alone without Ryan.  Yes, he has Spencer, but it’s not the same.  Even though he knows that Spencer can’t replace Ryan in anyway, he can make himself believe that.

The Calendar

If you don’t let it out, you’re gonna let it eat you away.  Ryan and Brendon were keeping their love a secret and it was slowly destroying them.

Pray I could replace her, forget the way her tears taste.  Brendon tried to replace Ryan and Jon with Dallon, but it wasn’t the same.

Put another X on the calendar, summer’s on its death bed.  Summer was when their love both blossomed and and died.

There’s simply nothing worse than knowing how it ends. Brendon had said in interviews that he’d hoped that they’d be together forever.  I bet if you’d told 17 year old Panic! That it would end with them all hating each other, not talking.  Toxic relationships.  They would have hesitated before signing to decaydance.

And I meant everything I said that night, I’ll come back to life, but only for you.  This is hinting at the resurgence of Panic!  Literally 90% of the songs on V&V were about Ryan.  Panic! Came back, but for Ryan.

Don’t want to call it a second chance, but when I came back, it was more of a relapse. Whenever Brendon gave Ryan a second chance it felt like he was doing drugs again, like he was high.  Like he had broken a promise to himself.

Sarah Smiles

THIS SONG IS ABOUT SARAH.  I CAN MAKE AN ARGUMENT FOR MOST OF THESE SONGS.  BUT. THIS. IS. ABOUT. SARAH.

Nearly Witches.

This song is special because it’s technically the last song written by Ryan Ross for Panic!  He didn’t write all of it though.  We need to start with the french.

Dès le premier jour, ton parfum enivra mon amour, et dans ces instants, j'aimerais être comme toi par moments, mais depuis ce jour, je n'ai qu'un seul et unique regret

From day one, my love your perfume intoxicated, and in these moments

I want to be like you at times, but since that day, I only have a single regret.  Most of this comes in again later.

Here I am, composing a burlesque.  What’s really important about this line is how Brendon performs it.  This is the last line Ryan ever wrote.  Brendon will often perform it mockingly, many people have interpreted it as Brendon being petty af and making fun of Ryan.

I only shoot up with your perfume.  Only Ryan can get him the high he craves.

I’ve got just one regret to live through, that one regret is you.  Brendon regrets Ryan, regrets their love.

I’ve got just one regret to live through, and I regret ever letting you go.  This changes the meaning of the original line.  Now, it’s about Brendon regretting letting what he and Ryan had die.  He thinks he should’ve held onto it as long as possible.

Mona Lisa, pleased to please ya.  This makes me think that the Mona Lisa is Ryan.  Even though Brendon regrets leaving Ryan, he knows he was never as much to Ryan as Ryan was to him.

The album as a whole

Brendon is a salty bitch.  

Not much happened between this and Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die.  Brendon cried while performing Northern Downpour.  Idk not much.   Oh yeah, Brendon and Sarah got married.

Too Rare to Live, Too Rare to Die

I think this album is a lot of Brendon accepting his sexuality, Ryan+Jon being gone, and the future.  A fair amount of this album was written by Dallon.  

This is Gospel

This song is about Spencer and his struggle with addiction.

Miss Jackson

When I saw Panic! In concert, Brendon said this was about a girl in Vegas.  I think that there’s some parts that apply to Ryan though.  I think when Brendon sings about no one knowing who was there, he’s talking about how they’d had to keep their love a secret.

Girl That You Love

This song was dedicated to Ryan Ross in the album notebook.

Drop every pretense.  Pretense literally means an attempt to make something that is not the case to appear true.  So basically Brendon is saying, ‘hey Ry, yeah remember how we pretended we weren’t in love.  Yeah stop that’

Nicotine

The song’s about how Brendon felt addicted to Ryan’s love, always saying that it would be the last time.  

Girls/Girls/Boys

I actually think this isn’t about Ryan, but instead Brendon realizing that it’s okay for him to have these feelings for another man.  

Casual Affair

This song is talking about how they’d both just said, ‘Oh it’s okay, we’re young, fooling around.’  If you want to cry watch this video of Brendon singing Casual Affair and breaking down.  In Seattle.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhXDQBZNdIE

End of All Things

I am always yours.  Yes, Brendon’s married and loves Sarah.  But this song is about the end of an era.  Ryan will  always have a hold over Brendon, but this song is Brendon trying to move on.

We are young again.  Brendon wants to go back to the beginning.  When they were young and happy and carefree.

In these coming years, many things will change, but the way I feel, will remain the same.  Brendon wants Ryan to know things will change, he’s married now. But a part of him will always care about Ryan, no matter what.

After Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die Spencer left.  He left to go get help for is drug abuse.  Brendon began to work on Death of a Bachelor.  Ryan….  Ryan kept being emo™.

Death of a Bachelor

Doab is about Brendon falling in love with Sarah, getting married, AGAIN trying to move on.

Hallelujah

My life started the day I got caught, under the covers.  Brendon didn’t know what life was truly like before Ryan.

Who was I trying to be?  Why were they trying to hide it?  Everyone guessed anyway.

Then the time for being sad is over, and you miss them like you miss no other, but being blue is better than being over it.   Brendon knows he should be over Ryan by now, but he still misses him.  And to Brendon, being sad about the split is better than forgetting about the love he shared with Ryan.

Death of a Bachelor

Do I look lonely?  Hey Ryan.   Ryan look. I’m married and still in the band.  I’m still friends with Spencer.  I’m not lonely.

And when you think of me, am I the best you ever had?  Does Ryan still miss Brendon like Brendon misses him.  Is Brendon still the best relationship he ever had?

Share one more drink with me, smile even though you’re sad.  Brendon is married.  Ryan can never be that person for him anymore, but Ryan has to pretend that he’s happy for Brendon.

Golden Days

Fuck this song.  If I went through every song that could possibly reference Ryden/Original band it would take pages.  So here’s some highlights.

We’ll stay drunk, we’ll stay tan, let the love remain.   The summer before the split, where they toured around the world.  That is summer that Brendon is talking about.  The summer when the band got along, where they ALL loved each other.

Golden days.  Brendon thinks these are the best days of his life.  He knows that when he’s older he’ll look back on his life and remember the summer spent with his three best friends is the of his life.

Time can never break your heart, but it can take the pain away.  Brendon knows that eventually thinking about the split will hurt less.

House of Memories

This song is a problem.  I hate it.  So much.  HOUSE OF PROBLEMS.  It has the same problem as the last one.  Highlights;

Memories turn into daydreams.  Brendon longs for days of Pretty. Odd   And the memories have slowly morphed into daydreams about what could’ve been.

Promise me a place, in your house of memories.  Ryan promise me that you won’t forget what we had.

I THINK OF YOU FROM TIME TO TIME, MORE THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD, YOU WERE JUST TOO KIND, AND I WAS TOO YOUNG TO KNOW.  Brendon knew he’d miss Ryan, but thought it would be rarer.  Now looking back, Brendon realizes that what they had was worth keeping.

These thoughts of past lovers, they’ll always haunt me.   This is a message  to Sarah saying I love you, but I can’t let go of him.

Bonus Lines

Memories tend to just pop up. Brendon doesn’t want to miss the old Panic!  But he can’t help is.  -Don’t Threaten Me With  Good Time