what is this woman doing to me jfc

I’m in the worst mood ever! Good (?) news for you guys though, cause I need an outlet for my rage so prepare yourselves for.. another profanity filled Union update! Keeping it real and fresh as always, aka what Komei has been doing to the litter 24/7 since our lot can barely contain all the cat shit we’re drowning in. We’re halfway thru completing Komei’s lifetime want, 3 cats at the top of their careers out of 6, and it’s only taken a literal lifetime.

So the situation in the house continues to bear an unsettling resemblance to the last days of the Roman Empire. No wonder these cats can’t get promoted when they’re too busy trying to avoid getting killed by Visigoth Victor. We have Victor vs Ronron…

Victor vs Neo..

Victor vs Alegra..

..and Victor vs Roux! I’m starting to suspect that Victor may be the problem here.

Meanwhile Victoria and Komei are having the time of their lives watching the bloodshed! Last time I saw either of them so happy was when they were cheating on each other. Bread and circuses indeed.

One small glimmer of hope appears when Roux gets this insane bonus and then immediately gets promoted!

I’m all like YAAAAS BITCH SLAY, 4/6!!! and then NOT 2 FUCKING SECONDS LATER:



……………………………..FUCK. ME.

How many times is it now that Neo has gotten fired, cause I’ve literally lost count. Imagine if he wasn’t the ~genius one. Way to disgrace your mother’s name!

I’m so upset by Neo’s fuckery that I take Melody and Gunther out clubbing in the middle of the day to feel better. Ah, so cute ❤

SO. CUTE.  ❤


Unfortunately our milf past is back to haunt us.

-Ooooh, hey there, jaibait ;) Look at your girl. Then back at me-


We run into the Count, and Melody has the honor of being introduced to one of Victoria’s lovers, an important rite of passage for anyone marrying into this family. Congrats, Melody! Let’s ignore Daniel’s first kiss, Lakshmi, who seizes the opportunity of Melody turning her back to discreetly merge herself with Gunther, and then spends the rest of her stay furiously heartfarting over him. Jfc Gunther, what do you do, roll around in honey?

-It’s Axe bodyspray ;)

Ugh fuckboi. You better not cheat on Melody, you hear???

I MEAN SHE GAVE US A FUCKING ELECTROSPHERE AS A DATE PRESENT. Thank you Melody! Finally the litterboxes get the lighting extravaganza they deserve.


When I tell you guys that Komei wants to bankrupt us I’m not kidding. Ever the practical spirit, the moment we have some extra cash he starts rolling wants to buy $2k stereos and $5k games. GROW UP

This night is a mixed bag, on one hand Vic topped her career, on the other Gunther got fucking arrested while sneaking out with Mel. Thankfully his parents could not give less of a fuck even though both were awake when Dorian diligently returned him.

-This will teach you to walk around with that glorious mane, leaving no woman for us hair-challenged adults, brat! Stay within your age group!

Looking amazing painting in your hot dog uniform!

-Melody forced me to wear it so no one would hit on me..

Melody knows what’s up.

-God, being monogamous for two entire days sure is tough. My mind is racing with all the hot dog pick up lines I could use..

You’re really too young for me to castrate you, so better just try and channel those frustrations into your art.

-I don’t need no drama, I just need some nana, just told my lil’ mama, ‘babe, I think I love you, kinda’ ♪

WRONG ART FORM. GOD. Get it together Gunther, cause if you fuck things up with Mel it won’t end well. For you.

-So Gunther, the other day I was thinking of some professions that would be more realistic than your dream of becoming a legendary artist.. Kid’s party magician popped in mind.

-Ugh, don’t listen to him, Gunther, you can’t abandon your dream! I mean look at your father, he had a dream to see 6 pets top their career.. and 40 years later.. he’s still nowhere near achieving it! HAHA. What a fucking loser you are, dear. God, I can’t believe I married you, what the fuck was I thinking. All I got was stretchmarks and two decades of sleeping next to the overwhelming aroma of cat excrement. In conclusion, Gunther, you and your brothers were giant mistakes.. What were we talking about again?

Yea, seems about right. Komei is, once again, on the verge of aspiration failure, which you know, when is he not. He finally does roll one want I can complete tho..

Cooking competition! I cannot stress enough how much I ignore anything Free Time related, like I’ve been playing this game since I was 10 and I only discovered that special hobby lots exist last year. So yea, this is a first for both me and Komei, but we’re in this together! We submit our specialty, cat hair covered chili..

The competition is fierce. Thank god Komei’s loving family has come along to support him!

-Why are we here again?

-Some of your father’s cat beauty pageant shit or something, who cares.. STOP MOVING YOUR HANDS SO FAST

LOL look at these anxious flops. Our Komei is cool as a cucumber tho! Wtf is a professional chef doing here?? This feels very unfair, they should be in a league of their own. If we lose to her I’m gonna appeal and then burn this place to the ground.

And we’re up first! Is the judge gonna appreciate our secret ingredients of cat hair and saliva???

YAS. A very promising reaction!

LMAO professional chef flops! Bet she didn’t have a trace of pet dna in that cake!

I can’t quite decode this expression, but I think it signifies expectations not being met. FLOP

Yea mte, blondie. Who tf enters salad into a cooking competition? A non-starter if there ever was one!


I don’t know what you heard about me,
but a bitch can’t get a dollar outta me

No Cadillac, no perms, you can’t see,
that I’m a motherfuckin’ P.I.M.P.

Congrats, Komei! How lucky you are to have your family share in this moment of triumph! 

-You won’t believe this mom, but Neo got fired AGAIN

-LOLOL. Wait, why do I have a feeling we’re supposed to be doing something else right now?

-Is it playing more red hands?


We return home, where og weeaboo Tom Cruise/Last Samurai graces us with his presence! Looking good, Tom. Meanwhile Vic has an emotional moment in the rain contemplating the artistic merit of the flamingos. Idk why both she and Komei have become obsessed with them ever since they aged up but it’s pretty depressing. And then, as Komei is soundly asleep, the unthinkable happens…

SIMULTANEOUS FUCKING PROMOTIONS. I wish I had something more eloquent to say about this but the best I can muster is FUCKING. BYE. THE FUCK. I DID IT.


AND WE’RE FINALLY OFF TO COLLEGE. GOD. Melody comes over on her own and we have this dramatic moment of Gunther ~passing her by, off to join his brothers at La Fiesta Tech. And to slut it up. Or is he??? I legit don’t know yet, but find out next time in The Unions: College is a Scam.

story time

i woke up in a very odd mood today. but after class i went to the store and so so i’m in the store shopping for kids toys for a drive my soccer team is doing for toys for needy kids for the holidays and this old woman was in the toy isle with me and she was like i’m so sad i couldn’t find puzzles anywhere it’s so disheartening i used to love doing them and kids now a days just do them on a phone and i was just talking to her about it and i was like oh my god yes i completely understand and so she went on and kept shopping and so did i AND I FOUND THIS SECTION OF PUZZLES and i literally ran around the store like a crazy person trying to find her to tell her and i did and she looked so happy and it made my whole day and she was like you’re the sweetest lead me to them! and then she saw me again and she just started thanking me and telling me how happy her granddaughter would be and then she told me that she just finished her doctorate and that she’s getting married to a boy she met in her class in her undergrad years next month and she was like just keep doing what you’re doing because there’s not many people out there like you anymore i can’t wait to tell my granddaughter about you. and so to the elderly woman who made my day today. thankyou from the bottom of my heart.

Honestly i feel like straight women, and i include myself here, need to be really cautious and evaluate really carefully when we’re adamant that a romantic relationship between two fictional women ~doesn’t exist~ or is ~crazy talk~ or the result of ~shipper goggles~ or whatever the hell else we keep saying, like.

Okay, first of all there’s this thing people do when they see shippers read a pair of gazes as shippy, they go “jfC you GUYS will read ANYTHING into anyTHING! i looked at a woman today! does that make me a LESBIAN???” which like,

  1. No, the way we interact with people IRL is NOT the same as writers putting together a specific script; actors perfecting minute facial expressions and dialogue and intonation and body language; directors filming something until they’re done in particular ways; editors creating a visual story from raw footage. That’s what makes the whole DIFFERENCE in shipping. People are saying “hey, I’m reading a bunch of cues that are not accidental or incidental but are the result of intentional work by literally dozens of people” not “ANY GLANCE EQUALS TRU LOVE! !!”
  2. There’s something that feels, if not outright homophobic, super icky about the way we frame those questions? It’s like we want to reassure our own identities by shouting down shippers, because if you identify with Regina Mills and people see her as a lesbian, then oh my GOD do they see ME as a LESBIAN???

Second of all, as far as fandom characteristics go, straight women tend to overwhelmingly be the ones who ship het romances as well as slash. Wlw are often more prominent in femslash circles than het/slash. How is it we trust ourselves as straight women to know what two men falling in love with each other looks like (the NUMBER of METAS on how Stucky are SOOO GAY written by decidedly Not Gay Men!!), and yet… don’t believe women who actually experience attraction to women when they read interactions between two women as romantic? I’m not saying we have to AGREE with every reading, every femslash ship (lord knows I don’t), I’m saying wlw  should be accorded basic respect of knowing what their own stories look like, or could look like.

And finally, like. Even if you disagree with all of the above, literally, like. Who is it hurting. WHO is it HURTING that people identify with a character by seeing them as an underrepresented identity? Are we really so small, so greedy, that we’re not content to have our romances overwhelmingly told by the media and our fandoms supported by the creators, that we have to shout down anyone who sees things differently?

IDK y’all. Just don’t be dicks.

anonymous asked:

Do you think that sqers will accept Regina as a lesbian in a new relationship instead of sq? They say all the time how much they want representation so if they do get Regina as gay and with new love, will they accept it or still complain that sq didn't happen.

Under a cut because??? What kind of drama are you trying to get me to start??? jfc

Keep reading

i think it’s time for me to talk about the revival, yeah? cause like it has been a few hours, the hype of seeing everyone again is over and my brain can finally focus on what actually happened rather than just seeing them on my screen.

well, first: the revival was really good for emily, luke and lorelai. they were like my favorite part of the whole thing. their storylines shone and it was just what i wanted for them. they made the whole thing good for me. i’m not happy, but i’m content and that’s thanks to them.

second: i knew amy&co would screw up with rory and logan because i just knew it, okay? it was very different of how i thought things would go (aka rory ~realizing jess was the ~one all along as if logan never existed in the first place because that’s the kind of thing i expected from amy), but it doesn’t make it better. it’s just a bit less painful. 

lbh, amy ripped apart all the character growth logan went through, especially in s07. like, we are talking about the guy who walked away from family business and tried to build his own thing?? and like @hotarurea said, the only “plausible” explanation for all that regression was that rory’s no just broke him in a way that he just gave up on all his progress - which is really depressing to think about. and tbh? i like to think logan is stronger than that. i know (matt’s know, every breathing being knows) that rory is the love of logan’s life, but he shouldn’t depend on her to function as a decent human being.

and seriously? totally unbelievable that logan would cross the ocean to cheer up rory and still marry the heiress. like, does that sound like logan at all? seriously, the difference between logan and the other rory had in her life was that he stayed. he always stayed and having him letting her go when he could do something to be with her? even just try? yeah, that’s not logan huntzberger. dude, if s7!logan ever met revival!logan, he’d beat the crap out of him. and then he’d shake revival!logan and say “what the fuck are you doing? what’s wrong with you?”. so that makes me feel a bit better.

and rory was ripped apart too. like the whole paul thing? while i found hilarious for two seconds, it really got discussing and old real fast. look, if it was logan doing that (aka forgetting that he was even dating and he had to break up with the woman), people would want to set the world on fire because women shouldn’t be treated like that. and you know what? men shouldn’t too. nobody should. nobody deserves what rory did to paul. what happened to sympathetic rory? jfc that was horrible. 

in the end, i think amy treated rory worse than did logan and that’s saying something.

i mean, what kind of end was that?  

i mean her dream career that she busted her ass off for? didn’t work at all and now she writes books.

the only man she ever truly loved? staying with a fiance he doesn’t love for no good reason at all aside family - which in previous season he had told them to fuck off and made no sense he wouldn’t do it again, especially for rory (the woman he actually loved)

giving her a baby when she felt the most vulnerable because life has come to full circle??? that’s the final message of gilmore girls??? doesn’t matter how much you grow in life, you’ll replicate your parents mistakes??? 

that life coming in full circle is rory unhappy, unemployed, pregnant and still loving a man who is miserably engaged in name of his family???

honestly, why amy&co hated rory gilmore so much that they had to give her that kind of ending? 

anonymous asked:

"Jesus Christ, what the hell?" A tall red-haired woman, looks similar to David approaches Daniel. "Dude, what the hell-do you want me to call an ambulance?!" (askashthecounselor. Oh my goodness why are they stabbing him jfc)

“It’s fine” he smiled meekly and fell onto the approaching woman 
// @askashthecounselor


“When a past so complicated that you can’t even label it as difficult, lonely, or sad takes a material form it becomes Nanaki. You must get out of this no matter what it takes. When Nanaki attacks you, it will cause great pain. But you must endure it.”

I just need to talk for a quick minute about how the armory scene with Carol and Olivia is everything to me.

If you watch JSS and think about what would have happened if Carol had hesitated for even half a second – at any point before she got to the armory – there’s no question that the Wolves would have gotten the guns and Alexandria would have fallen.

I’m still flailing over the fact that what, 97% of TTD viewing audience agrees?

But the armory sequence, while quick, is such a perfect illustration of Carol’s six season evolution.

She can’t even get to the guns before one of the Wolves attacks her from behind. But no matter. She’s more focused, more determined, and better with weapons, so she wins that battle easily. I love the fact that Jen Lynch even took the time to have Carol observing the splattered blood on the steps. She knows she hit the guy but good. She knows that’s one more person who will soon be down for the count. 

Then there’s the writhing woman on the floor. Morgan would have tied her up. Rick would have given her some sort of ten minute speech about who’s in charge and who the hell does she think she is? 

Carol stabs her in the head. Done.

And then omg, poor Olivia.

I have watched that scene probably 25 times now, because I’m so hopelessly in love with it. Carol hears her and yanks open the door, and Olivia’s natural reaction is to scream, “Please don’t kill me!”

What’s Carol’s natural reaction? Even though she’s filled with enough adrenaline to power NYC? Even though she knows she has to keep moving if she wants to have any chance of saving the community?

She instantly yanks off the bandana. She says, “It’s okay.”

It’s okay.

She knows those two words are exactly what Olivia needs to hear.

There is nothing in her that is not a nurturer.

And then, when Olivia is understandably overwhelmed by the totality of the circumstances, Carol knows exactly what to do. There’s no time to talk about feelings or process anything. Carol’s beyond smart enough to know that what Olivia needs in this exact moment is instructions. Direction. She needs someone to tell her how to handle this situation, because she hasn’t the vaguest clue how to handle it herself.

Anybody who wants to tell me that Carol doesn’t see her former self in Olivia can step right off the edge of my blog. So much of Olivia is who Carol was in S1 and S2. Terrified. Uncertain. Lacking any confidence in her own ability to defend herself and win.

But the magic of Carol is that she processes all of this in half a second. She should be running out the door, but she takes the time to explain guns to Olivia in five seconds or less. (And can we all just pause for a moment to appreciate the way both Ann Mahoney and Melissa McBride are breathing in this scene? Lord, why does nobody have an Emmy, jfc?)

And because Carol takes those five seconds, because she doesn’t ridicule, because she doesn’t belittle – because she doesn’t dismiss this adorable sheltered woman who would probably love to take care of herself if anybody could help her learn how – Olivia follows her instructions without question, raises the gun as she was told, and stoically watches Carol leave.

That shot of Ann Mahoney holding the gun – trembling but determined as fuck – will give me life until the end of the universe.

Carol has evolved into someone who can do what needs to be done without a single moment’s hesitation, but she’s still exactly the same person who apologized to Rick in “Tell It to the Frogs” when she couldn’t get his laundry as clean as she would have been able to in her Maytag. She can read people in half a heartbeat and instantly adapt herself to be the person they need in that moment.

However, it all comes at a horrible psychological cost, which is why we get the porch scene and little muffincup Sam’s “A.”

Carol saved so many more people with her quick-thinking decisiveness than Morgan will ever save with his moral dithering.

She’s the most selfless human in the zombie apocalypse, and that tiny scene with Olivia is just one more example of this truth in action.

I mean. Look.

[.gifs by memoriesinatrunk]

The Word ‘Too’

Sometimes you find new problems in the most unexpected places. Sometimes it’s a word you use every day. Sometimes it’s a common word, an adverb, a simple modifier that means “in addition, also”—when it doesn’t mean “smdh, patriarchy,” that is.

The word “too” is obviously deeply problematic.

The freshness of this 1,258 word take is something to behold. Now that I’ve read it, I cannot stop seeing oppression.

I have a very love-hate relationship with my hair. I love its uniqueness – it seems signature to me. But I’m never really satisfied. Frustrated, I decided to text my friend. After a quick exchange of opinions about my hair, our conversation ended with, “Well you don’t want it to be too short or too long.”

jfc she said that?

What she said was harmless, 

Nothing is harmless because everything’s a problem.

but it still caused an epiphany.

I’m sure it did; millennials manage to find epiphanies everywhere they look.

There is no proper way for a woman to cut her hair, let alone do anything right in this world. There seems to be an unobtainable one-millimeter-wide mark of perfection, and none of us can reach it. Everything is too this or too that. We see it every day in the tabloids. For example, one day a female celebrity is too revealing and the next day she is too matronly.

Yes, that bastion of patriarchy, the tabloid newspaper.

In my experience, I rarely hear too thrown around about men.


You hear someone say, “He’s short,” but you seldom hear “too short.”

Frankly, I find this bit of heightism a little bit disturbing. But I’ll let it slide.

I have determined that too means you’re calling a woman too far away from your idyllic vision of what a woman should be.

oh geez v problematic

My epiphany about this word surprised me.

You’re not alone sister.

I spent this past summer being a counselor at an overnight camp.

Obviously you are qualified to lecture the world about what is right and what is wrong.

Being a counselor was truly transformative; it was the first time I felt really impactful.

It’s always good to be impactful; that’s how we learn to think out of the box in order to shift paradigms and increase awareness.

I am taking a vow to ban the word too from my vocabulary.

As should we all! Banning words is the first step toward justice of the social variety.

Anyway, this piece really made me think. I hope it’ll make you think too. 

WAIT, NOT TOO. I mean, “also.” Also.

(Is “also” still okay to say?)

(SMDH, get it together; this is how patriarchy wins.)

I give the transgression of using a common, totally harmless word three problematics.

anonymous asked:

did you see Fassy with Alicia at the globes? so awful.... she's like this little gross boy with no curves and he's obviously not into it but she's so clingy

Okay, I didn’t want to publish this because it’s so offensive, but this isn’t the only ask like this I’ve gotten recently, so I’m going to address this.

First of all, I like Alicia and think she’s lovely, but I’m here more for the Charles and Erik than the James and Fassy, so I’m not all that interested in the Fass’s love life. I just hope he’s happy and doing his thing. (James and Anne-Marie are serious #goals though.)

But what I really want to address in this ask is something I have seen repeatedly around in the Fassbender fandom, though I have done my damnedest to blacklist and unfollow to avoid it.

STOP BODY-SHAMING ALICIA VIKANDER. JFC. If you don’t like her – fine, but don’t be misogynistic about it. 

She is a grown woman with small breasts and hips, not a “little gross boy.” I myself have SMALLER breasts than Alicia so I guess that makes me what? “Gross”? “A little boy”? Unworthy of love and affection? (I know that seems like a leap, but what else could you possibly be implying?)

Stop insulting women’s appearances. Don’t we already have enough of that in general society? Insulting fat women isn’t okay. Insulting thin women isn’t okay. Stop insulting women! What a revolutionary idea!

And please, for the love of god, stop sending me messages that not only are cruel and unfair to Alicia, but also cruel and unfair to me and women in general. 

I gotta laugh at lifers who call me heartless for not feeling anything about those “choose life” videos where the chick is all crying because she’s ~so happy~ she had a baby. Know why I don’t give a fuck? Because it’s not my life. I am not that woman. What she wants to do with her life has NOTHING to do with me. Just like someone’s abortion has nothing to do with you and your shitty video. Get it?

Okay seriously the scariest thing happened last night. Me and my friend went out to a bar and she got wasted, like totally fucking wasted because she didn’t realize she mixed so much, and I’m trying to help her off the floor and get her out of the bar and EVER SINGLE man there literally EVERY ONE was looking at her like she was meat ready to be devoured. And they would come over and laugh at how drunk she was and try to ‘help’ her up and they’d put their hands on her. And I was all by myself and didnt know what to do and was panicking. And then a group of women in the bar rolled in like a transformer crew and actually fucking helped her and me get out of there and jfc its terrifying to be a woman

anonymous asked:

So I've never found that fingering myself does anything for me at all and it always seems like hard to put one finger in let alone two there's no room wtf and even if I do like I don't feel anything at all like I rub my clit and I feel something but not in a way that would make me orgasm like how do I tell my vagina to pull itself together jfc

http://dirtyberd.tumblr.com/post/36710234585/how-to-bring-a-woman-to-orgasm-for-ladies-and see if any of these tips help. Also use lube, relax and get yourself in the mood. Sometimes fingering/clit stimulation doesn’t feel like much at first if you’re not turned on. Go slow and just stay relaxed, don’t focus on reaching an orgasm at first just learn what feels good and what doesn’t really do anything for you. It’s normal to be tight, especially if you’re quite young. It isn’t anything you’re doing wrong - just keep at it.


anonymous asked:

"I need a favor," Sherlock says to his big brother. "I can't give John a larger penis," Mycroft replies. "But we have time travel now," Sherlock frowns, "I can go back in time and adjust his genes in utero to make him more well endowed." "What if that tampering gets him killed in Afghanistan instead of just shot?" Mycroft counters. "How would changing John's penis size do that?" Sherlock asks confused. "I made Greg more well endowed and he married that woman before he married me," Mycroft sighs.

jfc XD lmao

problematicexorcist replied to your post: problematicexorcist asked:[pm] I …

[pm] Alright. Just wanted to check. If she hasn’t done anything about it before now, I doubt that she’ll start, but she can be volatile sometimes.

[pm] She stole my shit and ran up a damn tree with it in the cemetery. She pretended she needed help opening up a locket, that I was going to give back to a dead woman, and then stole from me. I wasn’t bothering anyone. I had very little choice in the matter to show her what I was doing, because I’m almost positive she thought I was a necrophiliac. Oh, she’s volatile? This is a delight. I am so pleased.