Let us also hate the smaller details of the Pepsi ad
Everything about the new Pepsi ad is repugnant and insulting, okay? The two supporting characters to Kendall Jenner’s lead role are (A) a hipster cellist who beckons her to join a “protest” and (B) a hijab-wearing photographer whose moment of triumph is capturing a celebutante model hand a cop a can of soda. The cumulative effort is the single most repellent video I’ve seen since I watched an actual beheading.
But! Let’s not get bogged down in think-piece territory. There are lots of LITTLE things to hate about the video, too. And we should appreciate every terrible detail.
“Join the conversation” is a blank-box social media prompt. It is not something you would put on a sign for a public demonstration, even if that public demonstration were for something as nebulous and inoffensive as LOVE or PEACE.
“Hey, you coming to the peace rally?”
“Yup, got my Join the conversation sign and some cans of soda.”
“Perfect, that is everything you need for a protest in free democracy.”
WHO MADE THESE SIGNS?
It started as a circle with a line through it, but there doesn’t appear to be anything inside the circle, because the people who made this commercial couldn’t take the chance of being actually AGAINST anything, even if they were going to slap a heart over it to show that love conquers all.
“NO HATE? Whoa, slow down! We’re pro-love, but we’re not anti-anything. Nazis can love, you know. And they deserve the fresh taste of Pepsi as much as the woke millennials whose business we so desperately crave.”
WTF? “JoTin The conversation”? Hey, the milquetoast invitation for discourse wasn’t half-assed enough, let’s shittify it an extra 15% with a nonsensical design flourish.
“Hey man, made that LOVE sign you wanted.”
“Looks like the lettering was too small the first time so you painted over it and gave it another go.”
“And the second time was also not large enough to fill the sign.”
“Listen, I didn’t have all day.”
Bullshit fucking fake-ass spacious protest. “We’re marching for peace … and elbow room!”
AD EXEC 1: Y’know, not ALL young people like protesting. Can some of them just be, like, eating pizza?
AD EXEC 2: Should they get up and join the protesters? It doesn’t really fit with Kendall’s narrative.
AD EXEC 1: Fuck no, they’ve got pizza.
Kendall Jenner’s mind is blown as she sees middle-class people for the first time!
KENDALL: Ew, what’s that smell?
PA: I believe that’s a mix of debt and diplomas.
KENDALL: What and what?
OH SNAP. Kendall has shed the artifice of wig and lipstick to join the FIGHT to, uh, join a discussion about love? I feel so empowered! And thirsty!
Welcome to the protest! Everyone’s marching with plenty of space on a pleasant day in Los Angeles, but we have a hydration station that may or may not dehydrate you (the science is still kinda iffy, don’t look it up).
What’ll it be? We have Pepsi, Silver Pepsi, Pepsi Blakk, and Pepsi in bottles. Just some ice chips? Okay, but they’re not water. 100% Crystal Pepsi.
Step back from this article for a second, dear reader. Place aside your immediate thoughts of the protester-police unity achieved by Kendall Jenner giving a handsome cop a Pepsi (even though there wasn’t tension between the crowd and the cops before this, because that would have taken some sort of narrative risk). Table, if just for a moment, the emotional and political flashpoints of Black Lives Matter, Blue Lives Matter, the Women’s March on Washington, conspiracy theories about paid protesters, and the increasingly fraught existence of basically everyone in America except for a small percentage of exceedingly wealthy people.
Consider, instead, the marketing team behind this. This was born in a brainstorming session, or perhaps in an executive’s mind as he watched a throng of angry, desperate people stand up for what they believe is right. This is a branding opportunity, someone thought, fanning the flames of a garbage can fire in Rome.
If I can give Pepsi any credit here, it’s the notion that a pretty white girl born into money and fame is the best person to bridge the gap between protesters and police. We could have really used her in Ferguson.
What’s in your bag beard - Albus Dumbledore Edition
Dumbledore: I heard there was this new trend at my school, that everyone shows what they’re carrying around every day. Since I am the headmaster, I thought I should join in.
Dumbledore: They taste like liquid Sugar.
Dumbledore: Let’s go on.
Dumbledore: Another thing that’s very important to me:
Dumbledore: Music can be quite useful to ease up a tense situation. I want to introduce you to someone.
Dumbledore: Obviously, a school as big as Hogwarts needs a lot of money, so it’s always good to have a Niffler or two with you. Let me look for more.
Dumbledore: What the fuck is this?
Dumbledore: How could I forget about this?!
Dumbledore: Baby shoes. Not at all for nostalgic reasons
Dumbledore: Look how tiny they are!
((OOC: Dumbledore out. In the usual Sami-style I’m late to the party. But you know? Save the best for last ;) Luckily my thread will probably not be the last of this series Anyway special thanks to @kapitan5o for having this amazing idea! And my admiration to everyone who did this so far, y’all were incredibly creative! Now I’ll shut up))
ear wigs dont actually even care about your ears they’re only called that because when they discovered earwigs they were like “o fuck wouldnt it be gnarly if that was in your ear!! thatd be wicked nasty i bet they totally want to get deep in that ear meat” but its a lie
EDIT: Alternatively, you can use velcro or snap buttons for this method, if you are not comfortable with using magnets on a headwear. The main idea of this tutorial is to introduce making 2 parts of the wig be detachable and exchangable. I used magnets because it was what I had at home at the time.
Wig Hacks Wednesday #2 !
Have 10 upcoming cosplays and all of them have undercut hairstyle? Fear not! You can make the most out of your undercut wig, and re-use them for all your undercut husbando’s with this simple method. (Info about wigs in pic listed below)
- Get heavy-duty small magnets. I got mine from Home Depot for about $6 for this 40-piece pack. You only need 10 magnets to complete one wig project at first, but getting a bigger pack will save you money in the long run
- Using a short base wig, flip it inside out and put it on a foam head. You should pad the foam head prior with papers so that the size is closest to your head size since foam head tends to run small. This is very important to get the right fit for the undercut
- Snip the wig lace around the head curve, leaving the undercut high enough to keep its shape on its own
- Trim the short base wig as short as you can without wefts showing through, spray and blow dry the hair down. At this point, use hot glue to attach the magnets around the wig near the top (2 magnets on the sides by the ears, 1 at the center back, and 2 inbetween)
- Grab 5 more magnets and stick each one to your magnets on the wig from previous step (no glue for this step)
- Place your half top wig on top of the foam head. Position it on all sides to make sure it can reach and cover all the magnets. If needed, use a small piece of fabric to fill in spaces so you have a flat surface for gluing rather than just wefts
- Put hot glue on the second set of magnets, and press the top wig down onto it. Do this one by one, start from the magnets on the sides by the ears, and work your way to the back
- Adjust the top wig hair and blend it with the undercut wig, using your fingers and hair spray
Now you’re ready to join a Korean boy band, ice skate to your own song, and hunt down some titans with this hairdo!
- make sure to press and hold until hot glue completely dry or magnets might fall off, low-temp works better if you have dual setting on your hot glue gun
- you can’t shampoo the undercut wig with the magnets so make sure to wear wig caps ALWAYS to pretect your wig from excess oil and sweat from your natural hair/head (nylon or stocking style of wig caps are great for this, plus it keeps your hair flat)
Wigs used in this tutorial: Rufio in Natural Black (CL-077), Jaguar in Sandy Brown (CL-071), and Caine in Black (CL-078) from Arda Wigs