After 30min of crying and then another 30min of irrationally thinking, I’ve finally calmed my nerves to talk to people openly about it without looking crazy. I talked to my parents, my partner, and my friends. Everyone has assured me how common it is and given me their own experiences. Literally every other female friend I have has it. What I’m actually mad about is how uneducated I am about HPV to begin with. Up until the phone call with my gynecologist, I really had no clue what it was. My friends who have HPV didn’t even mention it once to me either. Granted I’d never ask them about their health issues unless they needed me to know or want me to know, but why is HPV held in such secrecy? My friend Lauren recommended for me to watch Ali Wong’s stand up special “baby cobra” because she talks about it in one of her sketches.
Everybody has HPV, okay? Everybody has it. It’s okay. Come out already. Everybody has it. If you don’t have it yet, you go and get it. You go and get it. It’s coming. You don’t have HPV yet, you’re a fucking loser, all right? That’s what that says about you.
A lot of men don’t know that they have HPV, because it’s undetectable in men. It’s really fucked up. HPV is a ghost that lives inside men’s bodies and says “Boo!” in women’s bodies.
My doctor told me I have one of two strains of HPV. Either I have the kind that’s gonna turn into cervical cancer… or I have the kind where my body will heal itself. Very helpful, this doctor, right? So, basically, either I’m gonna die… or you’re in the presence of Wolverine, bitches. We’ll find out.
When I informed my partner that I have HPV and I’m 100% certain its from him, he was very upset (obviously). But I wasn’t blaming him for anything, I was simply telling him for informative reasons for his future partners. They need to know. Statistically if you’re a sexually active adult there is an 80% chance you’ll get HPV. Its not cancer but one certain strand is 70% more likely to cause cervical cancer in women.
This is information I never knew about and I wish I did. You can take precautionary measures with preventing HPV but really its like something that you’ll get no matter what from my irrational research across Google. They didnt have HPV vaccinations when I was in high school and even when I was 26 it was still a mythical thing that nobody really talked to me about when I went in for my yearly “well woman tests”. My mom didn’t even talk to me about it. WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS?
Really, there can be worse things I can be diagnosed with. Honesty, I still don’t know because I won’t know until Thursday what strand of HPV I actually have. But even through this, I’ve found a lot of comfort in my friends with this shared little fucker. It’s opened another world for me and really made me realize that I’m 32 years old and I should’ve been taking care of my body and screenings a lot more seriously. Not only that, openly talking with your partners.
We’ll see if i’m going to die or become Wolverine next thursday. Crossing my fingers for the latter, but either way, i’m going to be a lot more active in vocalizing my voice in this matter and hopefully you ladies somehow get the motivation to get screening done. You should get a PAP done regardless, but now HPV testing is done right along side it. So if you haven’t gotten one this year, please go.
PS. If you have HPV, hit me up. I have so many unanswered questions and I’d really love to know your experience.
I have so many unread messages and chats… I’ve been trying to go on the computer less so I’ll be more productive but I haven’t actually been super productive cause I’m still recovering from my boochie surgery (remember kids make him wrap it up) and it hurts to poop n stuff