what is going on am i making this up or are they doing this on purpose WHO KNOWS

anonymous asked:

Sara is a fucking victim of abuse and torture and god knows what else, sometimes people that go through that feel "dirty" and take lots of showers. stop mocking that!!! if not for sara, then for the victims here on tumblr that went through that and do that exact same thing and are watching you all make fun of it.

I am aware, and that’s not what I meant by that. 

I am not making fun of her! 

They are making Sara look sketchy on purpose/ for talk, they time her showers at the “wrong” time, at a time that will make people think she’s up to something.

Yes, she’s a victim, who needs to be around her mom, they need to work on that, get some counseling or what ever they decide to do. And I get that she doesn’t want to be around her, I get that she prob. just wants to start over and experience, I get that she feels that way, and blames herself for it all.

They need to show this a bit more, and stop making her look sketchy. We don’t need this. It takes away from Sara’s story. 

Tomorrow/today I am going to be starting apitherapy. Which is basically bee venom therapy.

So I’m getting stung by bees.

On purpose.

I don’t know what I’m doing with my life either. 

But my mom is friends with a woman who was (wrongly) diagnosed with MS (actually had chronic lyme) and has been doing this and is now out of a wheel chair and living a normal life. So I’m up for a try.

The only thing I don’t like is that the bees have to die. But they use them in their last stages of life, and some say that it’s almost a spiritual experience with them.

We start with one sting tomorrow to see how I react and make sure I don’t go into shock. We will have an EPI pen in hand.

We shall see.

I was really comfortable with someone else doing it, but now I find out that that is only the first time and we may be having to do this at home. I don’t want to do that, that makes me really nervous. Like REALLY nervous and uncomfortable. Ugh. But maybe we can find someone closer in (this woman is an hour away and is too far away to do several times a week along with our other appointments.)

Geowrihew;roaw what am I doing? wish me luck!

anonymous asked:

ya know you fucked up when you send an ask that makes people want to turn off anon. I am a total fuckup today ;-;

You know, I’m glad you stopped by. I have some advice for you. You’d better read this because you bothered to fucking come into my askbox anonymously after making my friend uncomfortable, and now instead of blocking you outright I’m going to do you a solid and help you stop being such a complete fuck up.

Anon – and I know who you are, by the way, I know your url, but for the purposes of this answer – anon, what were you trying to accomplish with this ask? Why did you send this to me? Why would you ever send an ask like this to anyone? Who the fuck is going to wake up in the morning and check their ask box and be like, Wow, gosh, thank god I have an anon ask from an anon who was SO CREEPY to other people that those people stopped wanting anon asks!

No one. No one is going to be like that. Instead they are going to be like, Ewwwww, am I next???

I don’t have any fucking sympathy for you. Stop being a creepy asshole, and don’t expect people to comfort you about this. Don’t reply to this. Don’t try to apologize. Don’t move onto the next person in your list of blogs you’ve seen interacting with my pal. You made people uncomfortable and if you’re really, actually sorry, you’ll know that you can’t apologize to them by sticking around. Pack your shit in and disappear to some other part of tumblr, never to darken their doorstep again.

If you read this and you are screaming in your head that you HAVE to apologize, here are three easy steps:

  1. Actually take my fucking advice and stop trying to talk to us.
  2. Process your emotions about this either by yourself or with someone you actually know, like your best friend or your mom or your therapist. 
  3. Don’t send anymore anon messages about this, for fuck’s sake, to ANYONE. Just stop sending anon messages altogether, honestly.

If there is one thing that humans these days do not or no longer understand is quality time.

I miss those times where friends, family, couples or whoever get together during a gathering or hang out with one another, and the conversation is real. I don’t see it happening as much now, there are instances yes, but not as prevalent as before. I miss those times when social media was not as influential as it appears to be now. Now is just some bullshit session where everybody pays attention more to their phones or tabs, than the person they’re with. It kinda sucks, you know. I, for one, personally do not like it when i’m hanging out with someone, and their phones get more attention than i do. What is your purpose then for meeting me up?

How about, for once, we appreciate the time that someone makes to go down and see you, or vice versa. I appreciate people’s effort and i am not one who likes to ditch somebody when he/she is infront of me, just for the sake for using my phone. If that phone is much more important, then stay in, there is no need to meet anyone in person.

You can just put that bloody electronic device away for a certain period of time. Is it that hard to be done? If it is unimportant or it can wait, you can do it later. It is ofcourse, no issues, if you’re just gonna pick up a call or reply a text or two to someone. You yourself know that you’re out with your best friend or boyfriend, you can let the texter know that you’ll be back later, it’s fine right?

And yet, you still would like to complain so much if the person does not make the effort to see you. How would you like it if i do the same?

Probably the most honest post I will ever make.

I seriously have no idea what is going on with me right now.  I am like a crazy caged animal ready to strike.  At work I am the same nice guy that loves to talk with the patients and always have a fake smile on my face, since everyone knows that I am not truly as happy as I act.  “Fake it until you make it” I always say to everyone who asks why I am always so happy.  But once I get home I am a bear.  My wife just grinds on my nerves.  I honestly do not think it is anything that she does on purpose or has changed recently but EVERYTHING drives me up the wall.  We just recently found out that we are pregnant with my first biological child and I am very very excited.  I am a very proud step-dad of a very smart and stubborn 4 year old boy.

The last two nights I have come home from work and looked forward to sitting on the couch and enjoying spending time with my family and both nights we have been over at her parents house until 9:30-10.  Her mom cooks us food and picks my step-son up from daycare since we get off late.  She cooks us food and we eat it and watch tv with her parents.  My step-son is in his Nana’s bedroom watching cartoons while he eats.  His bedtime is 9 so when my alarm goes off telling him that it is time for bed he of course hides.  So then we have to get him to put on his shoes while he throws a fit for having to clean his mess, or putting on his shoes or whatever else a 4 year old doesn’t want to do.  Yay! we have a crying pouting child that we get to wrangle into the car and get into bed when we get home.  Her parents will constantly bribe him with surprises or something so that he behaves.  

So we get him home and get him into bed.  He tells you that he needs a snack, dear God the kid never stops eating, and a drink and his little Toothless dragon.  Not to mention that he always ask if he can have his leap pad to play on while he is falling asleep which I might have to make a whole separate post about. If we allow him to have his leap pad then he has a tendency to stay up super late if we don’t then he crys and crys and crys.  He will cry until I start to think bad thoughts. *Disclaimer I do not beat my kids by any means, I have never even spanked him myself although I am not above that*  I really have no idea what to do.  I am already being outsmarted by a 4 year old lol.  

Anyways the reason of my writing is that after I was diagnosed with PTSD after getting out of the military that my way of coping was to write.  I have no cares of whether or not anyone reads it but the act of writing it down was therapeutic.  I refuse to let PTSD control me or define me as a person, a husband or a dad.

  Tonight after being at my son’s karate practice I am getting ready to load him into the car so that we can go home.  The wife even talked about maybe getting chinese food!  Her parents instead invite us back to their house and they are going to order chinese food.  Worst of all they ask my son who that he wants to ride to the house with and he very poutingly said that he wanted to ride with them.  Long story short that hurt my feelings very bad.  I am a step dad that never uses the “step” word in our house because I feel like that discounts our relationship and drives a wedge between us.  I have been trying for the last year and nine months for him to accept me.  WE have made huge strides and I/we are very excited about it. He calls my daddy and refers to me as the same, we are good friends but he still doesn’t cling to me like he does his momma.  I completely understand why, dont think that I expect to snap my fingers and this will happen.  I just want for him to randomly give me a hug or tell me something nice or even allow me to put him to bed without him needing his momma present.  I have done lots of things with him together and I will write more on our relationship later but I wanted to touch on that as well for why I think that I got my feeling hurt.

So as the wife and I are driving to her parents house I voice my frustrations with how I just wanted to go home after work and spend time with my family.  How our son hurt my feelings and so on… it turned into a full on fight where she told me that she was regretting us getting pregnant with how I was acting.  Whoa That hit me hard.  Well it pissed me off at first and I dropped her off at her parents house and told her that I was walking home so she could have the car.  I went to give my son a hug and he started pouting because he wanted to go inside instead of talking to me.  That pissed me off even more.  They went into the house and I went back and got in the car to calm myself.  I just couldnt do it.  I left my wallet, phone and everything in the car and I walked home.  Now I am writing this and am calm but I really have no idea of how I can face her after me acting like such an ass.  I am honestly embarrassed and I have no idea of why I have been such a loose cannon lately.

since i have no followers here, which i like btw, i am going to write this up just for venting purposes. —- i am so sick of trying to pretend that i care about things when in actuality i could care less. no matter what i do i can never seem to be someone’s favorite or make people like me for who i am. i know i am not the best at everything and that my personality clashes with some people, but for the love of god please give me a freaking chance. i am not asking for everyone to look at me and want to be buddy-buddy with me, bc tbh that is so unrealistic. what i do ask is, if you have never spoken to me do not act like you are better than me or know me for that matter. you do not. i roleplay on here and i feel like if i disappeared only a select few people will even care. i will say about two or three people will. but that is not the point. it is like my name is being slandered on this site. everyone sees my url on my roleplay blog and it is like oh do not follow her bc she is not worthy or she portrays her muse so freaking terrible. and it is like i have to prove my worth more than anyone else bc my kindness is mistook for weakness. i just am tired of trying to make others happy when i am the one drowning in my own pain and sadness. i am so depressed but i cannot show or tell anyone bc it is always the same things thrown at me. like hugs and i love yous. like, those can only go so far and i would rather you say nothing at all than to give me fake pity. i am so over life and roleplay in general. if you hate me go ahead. but to the people who do not like me and have never spoken to me before, you are petty and childish and need to get a good look at reality and yourself bc what you are doing is stupid on your part and shows what kind of person you truly are. you are not better than me nor will you ever be. 

Don’t even know who I am anymore or my purpose of being here. Life just doesn’t make sense anymore. Why am I such a cunt, all not meaning to do but does offence others. Why do I do it… I don’t even know myself. I don’t know what’s going on with my head one minute it’s here next minute it’s there next minute it’s all over the joint going round and round in fucking circles, that does my head in itself! Why can’t I think straight. Why is my head such a mess.? All this shit ends up coming between us and it’s something I fucking hate so much!! Why can’t I just take a step back. Why do I have to be on my high horse all the fucking time.. Why can’t I be like I was when we first meet, then maybe we wouldn’t be going through this same shit everyday! Maybe I should give you some space.. But I just can’t seem to let go. Even if it is just for a bit, I dunno it’s me I’m fucked up. I need to learn to get some own independence of my own and not rely on everyone else all the time. Maybe that’s something I need to work on cause that does my head in aswell! Maybe I need to see someone. But then at the same time I’m scared of to what there going to say. Maybe I need some anti depressants maybe that might calm me down abut and relax me. Maybe it’s something that might benefit us both. I might not be so up on my high horse and we might not actually fight. But I serious want to fix my head I want to be able to think straight and concentrate properly. I want to stop fighting cause I never mean to hurt you. I love you soo fucking much! Like so fucking much! I honestly don’t know what I would do if I loose you. You are you everything!!!

I'm making this blog because

I’ve seen a lot of people on my Facebook and Instagram lately that are passively sad for one reason or another. And what I mean by “passively” sad is that they don’t feel like there problems are worth the time of others, or do not feel comfortable opening up. I am a huge empath, and I know that it affects my ability to not just help others well, but also to deny myself the opportunity to explore my own problems, which is required for me to feel better and get advice about my problems. I know it can’t just be me, who loves to talk with people I do not know that well about my problems, that has trouble putting a value on their own problems and not feeling like a burden. This is the purpose of making this blog. I am not going to put my real name on here, you can call me Jane. But regardless of what you want to talk about, I’m here and I’ll listen. I do not judge, not on religion or sexual preference, not on whether your problems are small or so big you think they will swallow you whole. Everyone deserves to have someone they can turn to for advice or to vent and feel like they are heard and cared for, and sometimes our friend/family/god/community just doesn’t cut it for one reason or another, and that’s okay.

xo Jane