what if it just keeps spinning forever

  • KageHina
  • Hinata: this is still so funny, our sweaters are exactly the same, but I like yours better, it's softer and much bigger, can I have it?
  • Kageyama: what r u talking about, dumbass? you've been sleeping in it for a week, so shut up and keep it
  • TsukkiYama
  • Tsukishima: yamaguchi you all right? you've been clinging to me like a koala for the past hour
  • Yamaguchi: gomen tsukki, i just love our new matching sweater, we should buy more
  • Tsukishima: *irritated but excited*
  • AsaNoya
  • Asahi: Nishinoya u breathing ok?
  • Noya: *muffled* yeah, i can live under this sweater forever and wet ur pecs to eternity *continues licking*
  • EnnoTana
  • Tanaka: BRING IT UURRRRYYYEEEAAAAHHHHH *takes off and spins the sweater Chikara's knitted for him during snowball fight*
  • Tanaka: Y-yes babe, sorry
  • DaiSuga
  • Daichi: Sweetheart where is my black sweater? I put it on the couch last night
  • Suga: Maa, sorry Daichi, it got the kids drools and banana puree, so I wash it
  • Daichi: i-it's new...
  • Suga: shouldn't buy new clothes if you still have one year old twins
  • LevYaku
  • Lev: hahahahahaha Yaku-san, I can't even see you under my sweater, you are so small
  • Yaku: *throws dirty laundy at Lev*
  • KuroKen
  • Kuroo: do you think Daichi and Bokuto will roast me for wearing this sweater? i mean it's an ugly Christmas sweater party, but i still want to look good
  • Kenma: *peeking from his phone* does it really matter? not that you look bad or anything, but you will always look beautiful to me
  • Kuroo: Kozume Kenma.... marry me
  • Kenma: we are married
  • BokuAka
  • Bokuto: Akaashi, I keep losing my sweaters for a month now, no matter how ugly they are, someone keep stealing them *convinced that his sweaters are stolen*
  • Akaashi: *pushes all Bokuto's sweaters in his dresser* maybe you left them somewhere and you forgot to take them back?
  • Bokuto: did I? I mean it's possible but it's still weird...
  • Akaashi: (this idiot, he left them at my apartment every time he visited, why i even bother dating this numbskull owl)
  • MatsuHana
  • Mattsun: so like you are suggesting that we should have sex while wearing each other's sweater?
  • Makki: yeah, that'd be hot
  • Mattsun: you certainly spent too much time with Oikawa
  • IwaOi
  • Oikawa: *rolls around in Iwa's bed* Iwa-chan's sweaters just feel right, the arms are a bit short but i like them so much, it's like i could die happy from this fluffy-heavenly feelings
  • Iwaizumi: nice, take them all, i've been thinking about how am i going to kill you for the past 15 years, now that you said this, i can finally kill you smoothly
  • Oikawa: i have never regret making a conversation this much

I don’t recognise Emmerdale anymore.

It still looks like the same show, but it doesn’t feel like the same show.

It’s like a copy. It’s not complete or whole right now, because it’s missing something. That’s why it doesn’t feel like the show I’ve known and loved all my life.

And for me, that’s exactly what it’s missing; emotional attachment.

Its heart.

Or what has always been at its heart - intricate and sensitive character-driven stories allowing the emotional depth which plot-driven drama for the sake of drama just isn’t capable of achieving.

Because this is what’s happening - over the last few months at least - Emmerdale has ceased to be the one soap which has always had the characters at the heart of its stories and driving them, and instead become a plot-driven mess creating drama for the sake of drama, to the point of sometimes even feeling gimmicky and farcical in places (e.g. weekly desperate attempts at forced, unauthentic comedic plots in an attempt to break up some of the sheer utter misery in the name of drama).

What we’ve been seeing lately is a regular pattern of characters’ backstories or previous plot-points being forgotten / neglected and creating this feeling of out-of-character moments, while also being given huge plot-points which are rarely followed through and given any aftermath.

How many characters have been killed off recently? And how much actual grieving have we been allowed to see? Remember Holly? Remember James? Do you remember the immediate aftermaths with the Bartons? How it affected all of the characters? Did we see it impact on Pete and his depression? Did Ross suddenly stop feeling guilty for not being there when his dad died purely because he admitted this after James’s funeral?

And then there’s Ashley. Why does Laurel need something to do immediately, regarding Emma and this video? Why can’t we just see her grieving? Why are we expected to believe that one dream has suddenly cured her of her illness regarding alcohol and that there’s no longer any struggle? Why isn’t that struggle - and her overcoming it - worth telling? Why aren’t we getting to see more of Sandy coming to terms with the fact that his child has died before him? Why - for a show that has frequently praised and valued the feeling of community among the characters - are we not seeing conversations with other characters? Why not have Sandy and Bob discuss having to be a parent watching your own child die before you? Why not have Carly turn to Laurel about Billy in light of Daniel? Why not follow through on the conversation between Aaron and Laurel about that place by Wylie’s? Why was Gabby blaming Bernice for the fact that she wasn’t there when Ashley died pitched as though it were its own plot-point when it actually lasted two episodes before she went on holiday with the very person she blamed? Why isn’t grief a worthy storyline in its own right?

Why has the narrative become so staccato, jumping from one plot-point to the next and never allowing us to see, or appreciate, the journey between them? I’m not saying this is the case for the whole show, and the grieving storylines are just one example of my point - that we are being shown very little follow-through in the majority of storylines these days, in favour of the big plot-points which guarantee the reaction. Ultimately, the characters aren’t being given the time to be human. And it was this authentic and poignant ability to mix light and shade believably, the consistent exploration of the complex spectrum of human emotion, that has always made Emmerdale different to all the other shows. This was its strength. This was the very essence of Emmerdale, at its core - its heart - but right now it feels like they’ve lost sight of that.

As you can see, my problem right now goes much further than Robron and their current storyline. It extends to Emmerdale in general. Because my issue right now, and my disappointment, is with the show as a whole and all of its storylines. Unfortunately, the backlash over this particular Robron-related storyline has become somewhat blurred with the character hate of Rebecca, and that is what the crew and media are choosing to focus on rather than distinguishing between the two. And this is where my issue lies and what I’m choosing to address.

By choosing to focus on a handful of tweets, and tarring the whole fandom / audience with the same brush rather than acknowledging the complex spectrum of humanity and the individuality of identity, they’re essentially missing the point. My issue with this particular storyline is not the storyline itself. I mean, of course I was never going to like a cheating storyline with Robron. But we’re not supposed to like every storyline. What we are supposed to be able to do is believe it, understand it, and appreciate it. Which I could have done - while disliking the content of the plot - had it been executed well. And that’s where the problem lies. The fact that it feels like there has been a distinct lack of care and effort in portraying this storyline. And I would extend this point to almost every storyline over the past few months.

Of course, we’ve been able to give the show the benefit of the doubt by putting some of the blame onto the character of Rebecca and her lack of identity because it’s never come across onscreen. And this is why we’re now reading quotes telling us what’s going on in Rebecca’s mind, and how we should feel about her and the storyline - because until now, we’ve never been shown her perspective in the narrative. You shouldn’t have to tell your audience how to feel, nor should you try to narrow their interpretations. The very essence and beauty of fiction is that it can be interpreted in so many ways. That’s what makes creating it so fulfilling. All artistes - including writers, actors, directors, producers - are enabling the freedom of creative expression. And that means opening the audience’s mind, not restricting it. If you want the intention of your story to be interpreted a certain way, it has to come across in the narrative. The fact that it doesn’t to so many, however, goes to show the lack of care in this storyline.

And that’s my problem, that’s why my eternal enthusiasm for the show in general is faltering. Because it feels like they have become complacent. They still have some truly great moments, of course they do. But that’s just it; they’re moments. Right now it feels like the only thing Emmerdale is actually being consistent in is its lack of consistency. And again, I say this in regard to all storylines.

For me, they’re asking too much of the audience while also refusing to challenge our minds and thirst for entertainment. Some aspects of the plots at the moment could resemble a paint-by-numbers, while others stretch the boundaries of our suspension of disbelief into oblivion. And that saddens me more than any storyline ever could. Because this show means so much to me. But right now, it doesn’t really feel like the same show anymore.

And that’s where my disappointment lies. Because I know what this show is capable of - including Super Soap Week which wasn’t so long ago and I’ll forever rave about - but it feels like they’ve forgotten.

And that’s why I’ll keep rooting for the twists and theories, and I’ll acknowledge the fact that quotes can be taken out of context and edited to fit the angle of the story the press are trying to spin. I am rooting for them, and willing them to prove me wrong on this. To root for themselves.

Because essentially, I don’t need - or want - platitudes or explanations in interviews.

I just want Emmerdale to feel like Emmerdale again.

wtf am i doing

ten sentence stories for my ten favorite pairings

  1. Gajevy.

The gossamer strands of her hair remind him that yes, she is indeed physically next to him, and with that he makes subtle plans to keep her by his side forever.

  1. Gruvia.

He pushes her away, she knows it, he knows it, but for some reason she lingers and he loves her for it, but he’s selfish enough to know that she’ll be kept in the dark.

  1. Jerza.

It’s strange, it’s sick, it’s love, her mind is a whirring windmill and he just seems to make it spin faster until she has no idea what to even think.

  1. Kinabra.

He recalls his first time meeting her, and now it’s all he can think of, she has tangled herself into the threads of his memories and he can’t seem to let her go.

  1. Stinerva.

Her iciness towards him is only fire in the flame, because his sights are set on her and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t get what he wants.

  1. Nalu.

He knows he’s going to marry her, there’s no doubt in his mind that he’d end up with her, he just needed to make sure that she knew.

  1. Miraxus.

She’s clutched on to the piece of his heart for as long as he could remember, he just needed to remember which part she had.

  1. Rowen.

Blue is the color of her hair, it echoes through the sky and the sea, a constant reminder that his world revolves around her.

  1. Bixanna

He pauses to itch his mosquito bite, before watching her leave the hall with her siblings, blue eyes electrically meeting his with a thin smile before it breaks.

  1. Cana x Booze (i had to)

It tastes nice, the roll of twisted grapes on her tongue, and she wonders if she’ll ever be able to relinquish the feeling, when she realizes, she never has to


I think it’s a lot like faith. To keep believing, trying, and enduring until you finally become able. Because people entrust us their hopes and rely on us to carry on…perhaps that is what makes us ninjas.

So I asked my friend what the Tucks are going to do when the world ends, like obviously the earth isn’t going to be around forever and this was her response:

“They’re gonna just float around in space. Jesse is gonna have a deck of cards with him. He keeps asking miles "is this your card” as he spins. Miles gets more and more annoyed. “Jesse fuck off do NOT talk to me. No that’s not my fucking card…” Miles is very tired of spinning. Mae is knitting and telling everyone to shut up. Angus is sleeping.“

It’s the day after they’ve officially become… them. The very next day. A day that should be brighter and gentler and more beautiful than any other day that there has ever been.

And yet today, of all fucking days, is when some godforsaken woman decides it’s an excellent day to hit on John Watson and Sherlock cannot breathe around the suffocating swirl of emotional turmoil currently attempting to swallow him whole.

The knee-jerk reaction of course is fury. How dare someone approach his John like that? With such boldness and flare, like somehow this stupid woman thinks John is available for her to ogle, like he’s giving off some vibe that he is available, like she’s seen some hidden sign that yes this doctor is obtainable and yes she’s more than welcome to feast her eyes all over his compact frame. 

Which naturally leads to jealousy because what the fuck? Is John giving off a vibe that he’s available? Is he coming off open for this type of blatant attention? Does this woman think she stands a chance because John is letting her think that? Is he still allowing the female population, and all other interested parties for that matter, believe that he is not in fact involved with one consulting detective?

And with that last thought, worry rolls its way down said detective’s back and Sherlock is starting to sweat. Is this how it’s going to be for the rest of their lives? Is this what he’s meant to watch for all time? Every woman and man alike finding John, Sherlock’s John mind you, Sherlock’s man, somehow eligible for partnership? And what if John returns the sentiment? What if John is still keeping his options open? What if John finds someone kinder? Someone softer? Someone better than Sherlock Holmes?

Oh Christ, the panic is settling in now, the all-consuming fear that this isn’t actually forever for the two of them, that this isn’t going to be the two of them against the rest of the world in every way possible. It’s a terrifying prospect, the very worst kind of betrayal, the possibility of having this and then losing it to some faceless, nameless person is just too much to bear, it’s just… it’s just…

And right when Sherlock is edging into spinning territory, thoughts twisting themselves up tight enough to smother him entirely, John does something. Something to put every unsettled thought in Sherlock’s head at ease in the span of a breath. Something so spectacular it makes Sherlock’s knees weak with relief and gratitude and so much goddamn love for this man.

John shifts himself out of range of the overeager woman, smiling gently and stepping away and out of reach, nodding politely but firmly and pointing a strong finger at Sherlock. “My apologies m’am,” John says kindly, “but I believe my partner needs my assistance." 

“Partner?” The woman bats her irritatingly long eyelashes flirtatiously, taking a step to follow John in his retreat and Sherlock hates her fiercely. “Are you police officers?”

“Nope,” John smiles tightly, taking another step away and waving a hand between himself and Sherlock. “Just a Detective and his humble Doctor. And boyfriend. If you’ll excuse me.” 

And then he’s at Sherlock’s side, hand placed firmly at the small of Sherlock’s back, a soft smile on his face and confirmation written in his blue eyes, somehow sensing Sherlock’s discomfort and moving quickly to ease it without making a spectacle. "Alright?” he murmurs gently, dropping a kiss to Sherlock’s cheek, lips lingering long  enough to solidify any and all doubts away with that single touch.

In the end, Sherlock doesn’t even feel the need to watch the horribly embarrassed woman shuffle off in silence, completely lost in the man beside him, the swell of affection a wave he will happily drown in.

“Yes, John,” Sherlock replies with a grin. “Thank you.”

First Date - Peter Parker

Requested by chillinlikemisha00 (Who’s bae btw)

“Wow, Y/N, you look beautiful,” Peter said when he came to pick you up. You wore a white lace dress that fit your body perfectly, and you had straightened your hair to give it a naturally pretty look. 

“Thank you, Peter,” you replied with a blush. 

“Are you ready to go?” he asked.

“Yes. Where are we going?” At that, Peter smiled.

“It’s a surprise.” 

Peter decided that it would be better to walk to this secret location. It was a better way to see the town, he said. You walked what felt like forever. You regretted your shoe choice, immediately. Finally, Peter came to a stop in front of a restaurant that you had passed three times before.

“Did you forget where we were going?” you asked him sarcastically. He laughed and scratched the back of his head. 

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to keep you guessing. And, I like talking to you,” he stated bashfully. You smiled and reached for his hand. 

“Well let’s go then,” you said as you started to lead the way into the fancy restaurant. Peter grabbed your hand to stop you.

“No, no, no,” he stated, spinning you around. “We’re not going in that way.” You looked at him suspiciously, and he led you to the alley by the restaurant.

“This is getting kinda scary, Peter. What are we doing?” you asked him as he reluctantly led you further into the alley. He reached the fire escape and looked at you. He raised and eyebrow and motioned for you to go up. “Jesus, Peter, if I’d known we’d be going spelunking, I would of worn more comfortable shoes.” He laughed but didn’t argue. You took off your shoes and handed them to Peter. 

“This better be worth it, Parker,” you said as you started to climb. Peter followed you as you climbed up. “How much longer?” you asked him.

“I’ll tell you when to stop,” he said with a smile. You climbed until you reached the roof. You took a minute to catch your breath before looking up. 

Peter had laid out a table right next to the edge of the building. A tiny rose in a vase sat in the center of the table. He had made a simple spaghetti dinner. The date was spectacular if only for the fact of the incredible view. 


“Was it worth the climb?” he asked nervously. 

“Yes,” you said as you reached up and kissed his nose.

You sat together and talked, except you were constantly distracted by the incredible view in front of you. You could see everything. All the buildings were beginning to light up and it took your breath away. You heard Peter say something, but all you could make out was the word ‘beautiful’.

“Yeah, it really is,” you responded. Peter laughed at you, making you glance away from the perfect view.

“What?” you questioned.

“I said you were beautiful, not the view.”

“Oh,” you said and blushed. He reached across the table and grabbed your hand.

“You’re beautiful, Y/N.”

“You’ve said that all ready,” you teased.

“Well, it’s still true. It’s always been true.”

“Peter-” you started, but were interrupted. 

“Do you know how long I have loved you, Y/N? Please, don’t interrupt me. It took so much confidence to ask you out, and to figure out where to take you. I can’t afford to take you to some fancy places, I can’t afford to buy you-” 

You silenced him by reaching across the table and planting your lips on his. 

“How did you find this place, Peter? Are you secretly best friends with Spider-Man?” Peter laughed and you could of sworn he looked nervous. He placed a kiss to your lips, drawing you close to him. You pulled away first but Peter still held you close, pressing his forehead to yours. 

“Best first date ever,” he whispered before drawing you in for another kiss.

'Grey's Anatomy': Caterina Scorsone Opens Up About Amelia and Owen's Rift | THR

The actress talks with THR about Amelia’s past resurfacing as well as if Meredith and Alex are a romantic relationship just waiting to happen.
[Warning: This story contains spoilers from Thursday’s “Roar” episode of ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy.]

Amelia’s (Caterina Scorsone) deepest, darkest moment is out of the bag on ABC’s Grey’s Anatomy, only the person who needs to know it the most is not the one who knows her secret.

During Thursday’s episode, Amelia — fresh off her pregnancy disappointment — struggles with losing a young patient and suddenly her past comes flooding back.

After believing that she was pregnant in last week’s episode of the Shonda Rhimes drama, her patient’s death triggers memories of the baby she had during her time in L.A. — the baby boy who was born without a brain that was the direct result of Amelia’s struggles with narcotics. The so-called “Unicorn baby” featured on Grey’s Anatomy spinoff Private Practice has remained a secret from everyone as Amelia never told Derek or Meredith. Now that secret is starting to come between Amelia and her new husband, Owen (Kevin McKidd), who has made no secret during his time at Grey Sloan that he longs to be a father.

During Thursday’s hour, Amelia tells Owen that she wants to wait to have children and focus on being newlyweds. But in reality, she’s struggling with her past and holding on to the secret of her Unicorn baby from everyone except one unlikely candidate: Alex. Reeling from the loss of a young patient, Amelia winds up telling Alex everything.

Below, Scorsone talks with THR about why Amelia never told anyone, why she’s afraid to open up to Owen and what she thinks of Meredith and Alex as a potential romantic pair.

Amelia hasn’t told Owen about her “Unicorn Baby.” He’s proven to be very accepting of who she is. Why is she worried he’ll reject her now?
I think it goes in two directions. One is she knows how fundamental having children is to Owen’s identity and his desires for life and she really wants to give him everything that he wants. She loves him so much and she wants to be the person who can make him happy. But she’s really terrified that there’s something about her and having babies that isn’t going to work out and that would be devastating to both of them. I’m not saying it’s conscious; she’s a doctor, her fears are not necessarily conscious but they’re there. And second, in terms of her journey, yes, he’s been very accepting but this is a very core trauma for Amelia and there’s something about trauma that goes beyond logic. When someone has undergone serious trauma, regardless of whether you think objectively — “Yes, this person is going to be very patient and accepting of it” — but there’s something in the nature of trauma itself that makes whatever it was that traumatized the person almost unsayable. I think that’s what she’s experiencing: even to speak it is to re-traumatize herself in some ways. I think this is a powerful combination of perfect storm factors in her paralysis. She doesn’t want to disappoint him, she loves him so much and she is also totally paralyzed by the fear and trauma she went through in Los Angeles.

Alex is inspired to have family breakfasts — with Amelia included. As Amelia is trying to run from her trauma, how might Amelia respond to these get-togethers? It almost sets the stage for something like this to come out.
Maybe! One thing that was a really amazing discovery for Amelia was that she was able to say the unsayable thing to Alex. And she’s wanted to say it to Owen this whole time; she wanted to say it to Derek; she wanted to say it to Meredith; and she was not able to tell them. It was too hard. And for some reason, in that moment, in that room with Alex — who has his own demons and is dealing with his own marginalization and his own childhood stuff and emotional dysregulation at times — in that moment, she was able to say the thing that she has not been able to say. That was a bit of a revelation for her: there is at least one person in the world that she was able to speak to about that thing. Alex wanting to include her, Amelia seems to find him to be a safe place. And that’s nice. Justin and I haven’t had much together so far so this is a new acting partner in some ways. We’ve been in group scenes together but haven’t had a lot of one-on-one. It’s nice that these two wounded characters are finding a way to talk to each other.

Speaking of Alex, there’s a strong contingent of viewers who see Alex and Meredith as MFEO, to use Shondaland speak. The scene at the end of the episode with them together — in bed — really seemed like that could be a real thing. What’s your take on them together romantically?
They’re two of the original characters so everybody wants whatever is going to make them the most happy. I don’t know if it’s end game romantically but they will definitely be in each other’s lives forever. But again, just like every other fan in Shondaland, I cannot predict what she could possibly be wanting to spin for the very end. We don’t know how long the show will go on! There have been so many potential end games that came and went because the show just keeps going. So who knows!

What Amelia want for Meredith?
I would just want her happy.

Given everything that Meredith and Amelia have been through, will she lean on her sister as she debates opening up to Owen about her baby?
I don’t know the answer to that yet because I haven’t seen the scripts. So far, Amelia is pretty welled off and is basically isolating — which is typical of her. I’m sure it’ll take a toll on everyone around her. She’s not acting out; she’s just withdrawing. She’s so scared and horrified of her own reactions to what’s been going on that she just wants to retreat. She’s trying to find a quiet place for herself to gather her thoughts and get back in control of this flood of emotions that has hit her. I don’t know who she’s going to talk to on the way to talking to Owen.

Guilty but not sorry

Just dashed off a quick ficlet. Wrote this on my phone, no edits, so please let me know if there are any glaring typos. I’m too lazy right now to fix the inconsistent tenses, so just go with it I guess.

Enjoy bbs. It’s Riley angst.


Riley isn’t sure when it began. She knows when she noticed. She remembers the first time her heart really clenched like it might cave it on itself. The look of terror on Lucas’s face when Zay said that he’d called Maya “the blonde beauty.” She didn’t know what that look meant. She only knew it hurt.

“I want Maya to be happy,” he’d declared in front of the whole class earlier that day. Then he just…stared. At Maya. Riley suddenly couldn’t remember if he’d ever looked at her that long without looking away. But Lucas wanted all of them to be happy, didn’t he? Riley decided to chalk it up to his general good nature. But then, later at Topanga’s…

“He was talking about you.”

Riley starts to wonder if she’s seeing things. She wonders if the yearbook superlatives are making her see things that aren’t there or if she’s just finally seeing what everyone else has known all along.

At the school board meeting, she looks up at Lucas, who is…looking at Maya. But maybe it’s nothing. They were here to help save Maya’s art classes, after all.

There were other moments. Riley didn’t really know what she was looking at most of the time, she just knew that when Lucas looked at Maya…the way he kept looking at Maya lately…it made her stomach churn.

It wasn’t until Lucas stopped Maya from attacking Farkle that Riley really started to wonder. When Maya turned around to fix Farkle with that menacing smile of hers, something strange flashed across Lucas’s face. And when Maya stood up, he moved so fast to grab her…as if he’d been waiting for it. Eager for it. And he didn’t just stop her. No. He sat her back down, his hand lingering on her shoulder for what felt like forever to Riley.

And the LOOK he gave Maya when she turned around…well, Riley wasn’t quite sure what that was either. It wasn’t a look he’d ever given her that she could recall. So…smug? Was he smug? Why was he smug? Why wasn’t Maya saying anything?

Riley eggs Maya on silently. “Call him a Huckleberry. MAKE FUN OF HIM. Say something!” But Maya doesn’t speak. She stares at Lucas for way too long, scrunching up her face a little. Riley wonders if Maya knows something she doesn’t.

And then…when he busts through the bay window blockade in a rage…Maya doesn’t back her up. “We don’t like you when you’re like this. Tell him, Maya.” But she doesn’t tell him. Instead, she tells him to pick up the bed, and for a moment it looks like he might try.

Riley wasn’t sure what that was either.

Maya was perfectly capable of closing her own eyes. But his hand was clamped over Maya’s face and then his head was tucked behind hers, almost buried in her blonde hair—and Riley could barely focus on the routine she was already botching to begin with.

“—man!” he calls her when he rings the bell.

And then they’re all in Texas.

“I’m sorry Maya…you look…good.”

Then he says they both look good. And Riley believes he is telling the truth, but…

Then Cletus says “ha-hurr” and Maya’s hands are on Lucas’s head and his…arm…and he’s letting her pose him like an action figure. He’s just…letting her. She hears her uncle’s voice in her head.

“Well, why do you let her?”

Maya is yelling at Lucas and Riley can’t quite work out why. Of course Lucas will be fine, Lucas can do anything. Why doesn’t Maya see that?

And when he asks her to stay…well, for the second time in her life she picks Lucas over Maya.

And then he’s flying through the air like a rag doll. For a moment, time stops. Riley shouts and runs and when he rolls over and speaks at last she feels relief like she’s never known it.

But then she looks over at Maya…

And she realizes that for the first time in their lives, her very best friend in the world has been keeping a secret from her.

And she’s been keeping it a long time, although Riley couldn’t say for sure how long.

So she pushed them. Like Maya pushed her. She didn’t know what she thought would happen. Part of her, a part of her she didn’t want to look at too closely, hoped that Lucas would shut Maya down quickly and then things would go back to normal.

But in the back of her mind, she knows.

She’s known for a while, but she still can’t pinpoint the exact moment the truth wormed its way somewhere into the deep recesses of her brain where she wouldn’t have to look at it.

“I don’t want to know.”

“My broth-er!“

He catches her fist before it can connect with his shoulder. He…pats the back of her hand and drops it. She’s burning a little where he touched her and he’s thanking her again. A glimmer of hope wells up in her chest.

“I will always be here.”

“Thank you, Riley.”

She expects his gaze to linger, but it doesn’t. And then he’s making a new face, like he’s terrified and overwhelmed and tentatively joyous all at the same time.

“Hi,” he says clutching the strap on his book bag, his intake of breath making his chest puff up. She’s done that hi/hey dance with him more times than she can count but this time…it’s different. It’s different and he’s not looking at her.

Maya says hey right back. Riley wonders how she can be so cool.

“Hey.” Her heart leaps into her throat and she can’t help that her lips curve into a smile at the sound of it. She answers him, but she says it in her grown-up voice. She’s proud of herself and for a moment she thinks he’ll say hey again, say hey forever. But he’s already looking behind her again with that look in his eyes that she still…just doesn’t quite recognize. Not for the first time, Riley wonders if she knows Lucas Friar at all as he spares her a quick glance before walking away.


Everything’s spinning and she barely keeps up as Maya and Zay and Charlie talk around her. She wants to tell Charlie what she and Lucas are to each other, but he cuts her off—

“Are you free?”

Riley’s stomach flips again and her palms start to sweat. She hopes she’s not shaking but she can’t tell.

No, no she’s not free at all.

Her father is ranting. Maya and Lucas look so…strange right now. Maya is grasping the edge of her desk and Riley suddenly realizes that it’s very odd for Maya not to have her arm draped across the edge of Lucas’s desk, invading his space in a way that could easily be passed off as casual and—

And then Farkle taps her on the shoulder and she opens the note. Charlie. Again.

“Riley. Did something get through?”

“Riley. Something happened between me and Lucas.”

Time freezes for a second before she hears his voice. He sounds guilty but not sorry.

“Oh boy.”


I’m a monster.

Preference #116 You're in a secret relationship and it's hard to handle:

“Hey!” You greeted Harry as you let him into your flat as quickly as possible. After the door was shut and Harry was safe from any fans or paparazzi that would have been able to spot him, he started to take off his hat, sunglasses, and coat. You giggled at how silly he looked in this disguise considering it was too hot for a coat but to dark for sunglasses. He rolled his eyes as you laughed. “Are you gonna laugh at me every time?” He wondered. “Yes” you replied. Once he had rid of his disguise he gave you a warm hug and a sweet kiss. “Hi” he whispered. You smiled “Hello, you smell like a cinnamon candle” you giggled. “Yeah there’s a few of those at my flat” he explained. “Oh okay, nice.” You said giggling again at his familiar and slightly feminine scent. “Are you gonna laugh at that every time too?” He wondered jokingly. Every time…you thought, the two words spinning around in your head for a bit. “Wait…every time… what do you mean by every time, I mean were gonna tell people soon right? I thought this crazy privacy thing was just temporary.” You say; your smile quickly fading. “Um- well I mean it won’t be forever…just-” “I understand you don’t wanna have your personal life out there for everyone to see, but that fact that I can’t even call you my friend…it sucks Haz. I know you’re used to keeping secrets but I’m not…” you paused “and maybe I don’t wanna just be one of your little secrets” you said, not even thinking before you let the words leave your mouth. Harry looked so shocked, but it was too late to take back what you said. “Are you saying you wanna break up?” he questioned. “I don’t want to but-” “Are you unhappy?” He interrupted. “No Harry! You make me happier than anyone else, but it’s hard, I’ve never been in this kind of relationship and you have to understand that.” You told him. “I do (Y/N) I’m sorry, I shouldn’t expect this to be easy for you…but (Y/N) it won’t be forever, and whether it’s private or public, it won’t change how much I love you” he told you using “the L word” for the first time. “You love me?” You say, a smile creeping on your face. “Yes, (Y/N) I do, and I’m not just saying that to get you to stay. I mean it.” He said pulling you into his arms. You sighed, “Okay, I love you too I’m sorry, I just get a little overwhelmed sometimes” you explain. “It’s okay sweetheart” he said as he pressed a kiss to your head.
‘Vinicosta’s? This place is hella expensive!’ you thought to yourself as you pulled up to the restaurant your date had requested. You and Niall had met last week when you accidentally fell into his arms after tripping in a crowded shop. You had never felt better than the way you felt when he was holding you, and he seemed to somehow feel the same way because he had nervously asked you out; an offer you could never decline. “Hey! Its nice to see you again” you smiled as Niall found you waiting in front of the expensive restaurant, he went to hug you then kissed your cheek. “You too (Y/N), you look beautiful” he said, with a bright smile. “Thank you, you look nice too” you told him. With that he took your hand and led you into the restaurant. The restaurant was dimly lit and though you were wearing one of your more formal dresses, the minute you walked into the room you felt underdressed. “I have a reservation under Niall Horan” Niall said. The hostess nodded then led us to a big room that was private from the rest. The menus were electronic, on iPads, and your waitress looked like she was a part time model. “Niall this may be the most fancy restaurant I’ve ever been to. Are you sure we’re gonna be able to afford this, I’m totally cool with pizza” you said half joking half not. “You’re sweet. But don’t worry, I can cover it, love.” He said. 'Love, he called me love’ you thought, your heart doing flips. He’d called you that over text, but the word sounded so perfect as it came from his lips. “You’re not some kind of secret movie star are you?” You laughed jokingly, but Niall’s face remained rather serious. “Look (Y/N), there’s something I should tell you. I wish I didn’t have to tell you, because I know it’s only gonna make things more complicated. But I really like you and I don’t wanna start this relationship with a lie…” He rambled on. “What is it Niall? You’re scaring me…just tell me” you said placing a reassuring hand on top of his. “I-I’m in a band, a boy-band called One Direction. It’s pretty popular so…” “So… You’re um famous” you said in shock. He nodded. You looked around at the separated room you were sitting in away from the guest. “So it’s- I mean you- th- that’s how you can afford to eat here…and that’s why we’re in this separate room? So people don’t see you?” you wondered, it all making sense to you now. “Yeah…does that freak you out, because if we’re going to be in a relationship, there may be a lot of secret meetings and private dates between us, but I don’t want you to see me as a famous celebrity I’m still-” “You’re still the sweetheart that caught me when I fell and last week” you finished his sentence. He smiled “Right, So are you okay with this?”. It made you happy that Niall even envisioned you two moving forward passed a first date to have secret meetings and private dates. You thought hard before responding. “I really appreciate you telling me this…It does kinda freak me out, but I really like you too, and I think its worth a shot”
“Okay Li, I think I should head home before I fall asleep.” You told him as you were ready to leave his flat. “Okay baby, drive safe” he said as he hugged you, kissed the top of your head, then your lips. “You have to leave through the back door” He reminded you, but you already knew that, you knew it all too well. “I know” you said smiling slightly. Leaving through the back door lead straight to your car, rather than through the front door which lead to the main street where paparazzi and fans could see you leaving Liam’s flat and start to wonder. “I love you” he said with a smile as he started to open the door for you. “Yeah you too” you sighed quietly. “(Y/N)?” “Yes Liam?” you wondered. “What’s wrong? And don’t even think about saying nothing, because I know somethings wrong.”. You sighed again. “You know Liam, you’re right something is wrong. What’s wrong is the fact that it’s almost our 6 month anniversary and I still have to sneak through the back door just to watch Netflix with you. I do love you, a lot , but it’s really hard having to keep so much inside of me. I can’t even tell my best friend that I have a boyfriend and that sucks” “I understand and I’m sorry…” He trailed off, having nothing left to say. “But you can’t just say that every time Liam. I don’t know if I can…if I can do this” you said, your voice now a hushed whisper. “(Y/N) no, please don’t end it like this, you know it’s not my decision, management doesn’t want me to-” he said as he held your hands in his. “I know” you interrupted, “but…” “(Y/N) please just let me talk to Paul, tomorrow I’ll talk to him. Please just don’t leave me, I love you” he said, his voice shaking. Tears started to slip down your face. He should have talked to Paul ages ago; it was only when you threatened to leave that he was actually gaining the confidence to do it. “Let’s just take a break, and when you sort things out with management, call me” you said. You placed a kiss on his cheek and left before he could convince you to stay.
“Louis, what would happen if people found out about us?” you wondered out loud. He looked at you, confused, considering you were talking about gummy bears previously. “Well that was random” Louis said, chucking slightly. “Don’t avoid my question Louis” you warned. “I’m not- just what exactly made you think of that?” he wondered. He definitely was avoiding the question. “Well I mean, we’re cuddling in your bed, and it made me think of how much I love you, and that made me think of the other people I love, like my family and my friends from home. I have these thoughts a lot and it makes me sad that you can’t go to my family reunions and meet my crazy uncle, or my sweet grandma who I know would love you and offer to make you cookies, or my older guy cousins who you would really get along with, or my little niece who’s only 3 years o-” “(Y/N),” Louis interrupted, a shameful look on his face.You sat up on the bed, so Louis did too. “No Louis let me finish. My best friend, you’ve never met her either she’s like a sister to me. My best friends boyfriend you haven’t met him, so you don’t know how cute they are together. Or how they can make anyone feel like a third wheel. You’ve never met my friends, you’ve never seen me with them, or how I act when I’m around them. You’ve never seen where I grew up or the people I’ve grown up with, these people that I love so much…and you don’t even know their names” you said, tears now spilling from your eyes. “I don’t mean to make you feel guilty, but it just makes me really sad that you haven’t met such great people and that I don’t even know if you ever will.” you cried out. “Hey hey, (Y/N) Shhh, I will baby” Louis said, holding you closer and trying to calm you down. “When?! When!? At our wedding? Meeting my Dad for the first time as he lets go of my arm after he walks me down the isle? yeah that would be great Louis?” you said sarcastically. You knew you were exaggerating but all that you were saying had to be said. “(Y/N) you know that I’ve been trying to meet your parents! You know how busy my schedule is, I barely have time!” he tells you. “Yeah well maybe you don’t have enough time for me” you said starting to pull away from his embrace. “Wait (Y/N) Please I didn’t mean it like that…I’m sorry. Please come here.” You were reluctant but you never could say no to his hugs so you again wrapped yourself around him. “I’m sorry (Y/N) I know this is hard, you don’t deserve this. You deserve more than me. You deserve someone who can meet your friends and family; your loved ones. I don’t want us to break up b-but If you want to find that someone and leave me, I-I understand.” he said. You couldn’t believe the words he was saying. “But Louis there is no one else I’d want my family an friends to meet” you admitted. “Theres no one else who would like my crazy uncle, no one else my grandma would bake cookies for, no one else my cousins would get along with like they would with you because I love you, louis.” you told him, tears still falling from your eyes and his too. He kissed you. He kissed you with more passion and meaning than ever before. “I love you (Y/N), I’m not sure about a family reunion yet, but I can start with your parents; baby steps.” he said. “Baby steps.” you agreed, before kissing him once more.
You were and Zayn were in a relationship but you were not together. You were in the same country, the same city, the same coffee shop, on the same day, at the same time…but you were not together. You sat near the window while he sat near the back of the cafe. 'You look beautiful today.’ Zayn texted you. You looked over to him and smiled. 'Thank you xx -How are you?’ You answered, now waiting for his response. This was as close as you ever got to going on a date, in public. Sure he’d been to your place a few times, but it was only at night when it was dark and fans and paparazzi were unlike likely to spot him. Sure he had ordered flowers and had them sent to you, but he never got a chance to see your face light up when you got them. And sure, you were in the same place having coffee, but you weren’t together; not really. 'Idk I’m okay I guess’ you replied. 'Just okay? What would make it better?’ 'Honestly? If we didn’t have to this’ 'Do what?’ He wondered but he already knew. 'Text each other from across the same room on our “date”’ 'I’m sorry, you understand why though right? If the fans found out they would tear you apart. We can’t be public’ You sighed and put you head in your hands, tears threatening to slip from your eyes. 'Please don’t be mad’ he texted you, though you hadn’t responded to the previous one yet. 'Im not mad I’m just…it’s really hard, not even being able to tell my family about you.’ You knew he was just trying to protect you but you were strong, you could handle the hate. And even if you weren’t strong enough you had your friends, family and Zayn to support you right? 'Im sorry sweetheart I wish it wasn’t like this’ 'It doesn’t have to be Zayn!’ You wanted to yell. 'Im sorry’ he said again. 'The more you say that, the less meaningful it becomes’ and with that you left the cafe, unsure if you wanted him to chase after you or not.

PART TWO: http://i-write-1d-preferences.tumblr.com/post/101497639981/preference-117-youre-in-a-secret-relationship

A/N: Definitely one of my favorite prefs I’ve written! Thanks to the anon who requested it! btw, REQUESTS ARE OPEN NOW! YAY! I love you xx -Alayna

Up on the roof

Prompt: we’ve owned this roofing company together for five years but you were a total idiot and fell off a roof and seeing you in the hospital made me realize i’m actually totally in love with you 

It never fails - when you need to get somewhere in a hurry all the idiot drivers in three counties seem to get the batsignal at the same time, and rush out of their driveways to get in your way.  Dean honks and yells and waves a finger out the window; he cuts corners and runs stale yellow lights and executes some pretty cool maneuvers - or they would be cool if he wasn’t sweating bullets with his heart in his mouth in terror.

Finally he sees the hospital, and screeches his tires wheeling into the emergency room parking lot.  And there’s Ash’s beat-up excuse for a pickup truck, its canopy emblazoned with every 70s metal-band sticker he could find.  Hard to miss.  Dean finds a spot a couple down from the Ashmobile, tosses his dusty hat into the back seat with his gloves, and runs for the entrance.  

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Luke song imagine: Photograph - Ed Sheeran

“Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes. But it’s the only thing that I know." 

Being in a long distance relationship was hard. But you’d known that it would be, when you promised Luke you would wait for him to come home. But you hadn’t quite realized just how difficult it would be.

Every second of every day was spend thinking of him. Between waiting for the next text, and planning the next Skype call, your mind was filled with just him. Every song you heard reminded you of his voice. Every smile you smiled, made you realize that it would’ve been better if he’d been there.

Missing him was hard. It was the hardest thing you’d ever done. But while you were sitting there, on your bed at 4 in the morning, patiently waiting for your laptop to make the familiar Skype noise, you weren’t thinking about how hard it was. You were just thinking of how much it would be worth it, when you would see him again.

You knew you’d see him again. You just needed to wait for him to come home.

"And when it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes, it is the only thing that makes us feel alive.”

Finally, the call appeared, and it took you only a second to press the green answer button.

“Luke!” you squealed, when his face appeared on the screen. The image was blurry, but it was still him, and your heart skipped a beat when he smiled at you.

“Hey you,” he said. “How are you doing?” 

You didn’t immediately answer, studying his face. He looked tired, drained. His eyes lacked their usual twinkle. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked softly. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine.” But his voice sounded flat and you could tell that he was lying. After all, you knew him better than anyone. 

“And I’m Cleopatra,” you sarcastically answered, which earned you a chuckle, but even that didn’t reach his eyes. “Luke, I’m worried. Please tell me what’s wrong.”

“I just really miss you,” he blurted out. 

“Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul, and it’s the only thing I know. I swear that it will get easier, remember that with every piece of you, and it’s the only thing we take with us when we die.”

“I miss you too,” you whispered. “More than you know.”

“I just wish it wasn’t like this.” He dropped his face into his hands. “I wish we didn’t have to be apart. It’s not fair. It’s not what it’s supposed to be like.” His voice cracked. 

“Maybe it isn’t,” you answered, trying to make him feel better, even if you were on the verge of tears yourself, “but it’s all we have. It’s all we know. And it’s worth it.” 

“I know. I just… I can’t come home. I want to come home, but I don’t. Is that selfish?” 

“No,” you said simply. “This is what you love to do.”

“But I love you, too.” 

“And having one doesn’t mean you can’t have the other, okay, I’m here. It’ll get easier, right? We have to remember that.” 

“And if you hurt me, that’s okay baby only words bleed, inside these pages you just hold me, and I won’t ever let you go”

“But I’m hurting you, not only myself, and it’s selfish,” he sniffed. You noticed the tears welling up in his eyes, even through the blurry technology, and you swallowed hard to keep yourself from crying.

“There are worse things,” you said, “Like not being with you at all. I love you, and I’m not letting you go.” 

“God, I’m a mess, aren’t I?” He tried to force a smile, but didn’t quite succeed. 

“My mess,” you smiled. “And I’ll be here, waiting for you to come home. But if you ever have a couple days off, maybe you could visit. Don’t even tell me you’re coming, just get on a plane and come.” 

“We keep this love in a photograph, we made these memories for ourselves, when our eyes are never closing, our hearts were never broken, time’s forever frozen, still.”

You’d been joking. What you didn’t know was that those words got the wheels in Luke’s head spinning. He missed you too much. It hurt too much. And staring at photographs just wasn’t cutting it anymore. So the next time he had three days off, his bags were getting packed.

“Good luck, mate,” Calum had said to him. “I’m glad you’re seeing her again. You’ve been a dragon, lately.” 

And he knew it was true, he knew he hadn’t been on the top of his game for a while. But how could he, when you weren’t there next to him. When all he had was that stupid photograph. 

“So you can keep me, inside the pockets of your ripped jeans, holding me closer till our eyes meet, you won’t ever be alone.”

And so he got himself on a plane, staring out of the window at the clouds, and he took the photograph out of his pocket. It was crumpled, ripped at places, because he’d been dragging it all over tour with him. It had seen the back pocket of every single black ripped skinny jeans he owned, and every time he felt like he could no longer bare it, he would take it out, look at it, press it against his heart.

It was all he had, until he got home, but it meant he was never all alone. He was always reminded that you were there, waiting for him, waiting for him to come home.

“Or you can keep me, inside that necklace you got when you were 16, next to your heartbeat where I should be, keep it deep within your soul”

On the other side of the world, unaware of that plane approaching, you stared at the necklace in your hands. 

You’d sent Luke a message, telling him how much you missed him, but he hadn’t responded. And with the tears that were silently making their way down your cheeks, you weren’t sure how long you could hold on without him. But you had to hold on. You had to wait for him to get home.

So you opened the necklace, the one that he bought for you on your 16th birthday. You kept a picture in there, of him, and you always wore it. So he was right beside your heart. Exactly where he should be. But while he couldn’t, a picture would have to do.

You threw another glance at the phone, should you call him? He was probably busy. You just needed to hear his voice. The picture was great, but it didn’t speak, it didn’t breathe…

It wasn’t him. Not enough of him, anyway.

“When I’m away, I will remember how you kissed me, under the lamppost back on 6th street, hearing you whisper through the phone”

As if the devil played a hand, your phone started ringing. 

“Luke?” You hoped he didn’t hear the crack in your voice.

“Hey you! What’s up?” 

“I miss you,” you sniffed. The line went dead, for a second, and you bit your lip, wondering what he was thinking.

“Hey, do you remember the first time we kissed? Outside your house, under the lamppost?” 


“Maybe we should do that again.” His voice sounded different than normal. He sounded excited, happy. 

“Funny,” you sighed, another sob escaping your lips. 

His voice softened. “No, really, look outside.” 

And as confusion took over your mind, you crawled from your bed to the window, and looked outside. Where he was standing, under that lamppost on 6th street, him, really him. Not just a photograph.

You ran outside, tears now streaming down your face, but this time, in a good way. When you flung the door open, he was already standing in front of it, not wanting to waste another second not holding you in his arms.

And that’s exactly what he did. He wrapped you into his arms, as you kept muttering a repetitive “oh my god” while he buried his face in your hair. When he finally let you go, he only did so to kiss you, finally connecting his lips to yours, after missing that for so many days.

“I couldn’t be away from you any longer,” he whispered. “I can’t believe you stuck with me.” 

“I told you,” you answered, pulling him into a hug again, because your bodies had had too much distance between them for too long and now that you got the opportunity it was physically unbearable to not touch him, “I’d wait for you to come home.” 

Wait for me to come home.


Based on Photograph by Ed Sheeran and also this video by Jack Harries because it’s the cutest thing ever watch it

Cards (and How We Play Them) - Chapter 7

I am the worse. The actual absolute worse. I tell you all I am going to come out with an update, and then actually get around to posting it like a month later. I cannot tell you how awful I feel about that.

So! My New Year’s “resolution” (even though I hate that term) is to not do that anymore! With school starting in just a couple of weeks, I know for a fact that I am going to be swamped. I also know that the only way I ever get any homework done is if I procrastinate and write a chapter of fic first. So the new posting schedule (after this update) will be every other week, with chapters posting from Sunday night at the earliest to Monday night at the latest! Always within that time frame. I promise. Really.

Feel free to call me an asshole and keep bothering me until I fix that if I get off track. Seriously.

Alright, here we go kids.

AU, SFW, 1867 words. The only thing I own is my daily existential crisis.



She’s in a room; a basement, a very dusty and moldy one, with pipes all over the ceilings and coming out of the floor.

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Animorphs movie coming out

This can go many ways. Assuming the rumor is true and it makes it all the way through production, here are a handful of the possibilities I see:

1) The movie is a complete failure and causes people to believe the book series is just as bad, dooming Animorphs to be brushed under the rug for another few decades, if not forever.

2) The movie is okay, but not really Animorphs. Probably dumbed down, because according to most movie executives, there is no overlap between what children and adults can enjoy. Like the book covers, it’s short term good for the fandom, bringing temporary popularity, but in the long term keep Animorphs from being taken seriously. (AniTV)

3) The movie is great and it’s a great representation of the series. We get sequels and spin offs. Maybe KA writes a part 2.  The fandom becomes enormous and mainstream, and suddenly I’m not one of the few people that knows about this amazing series. This is the best case scenario, yet the least likely.

(Seriously though, the thought of suddenly having the fandom explode in size gives me mixed feelings. Obviously it’s great, but part of me enjoys being one of the few people that knows just how good this series is. We have this huge/great story within our tiny fandom.)

Seeing as the worst case scenario is getting back to exactly where we are today, I’m actually extremely excited. I’m just trying not to get my hopes up.

May 17, 2007

semisweet shadows lit in backrooms

would taste if they were baked into you

lost in my head

my gut has always been my compass

but lately ive been heaving it into gutters

and toilets

sex on tile floors next to bathroom sinks

fuck to forget fuck to remember

you smell of a grove of trees my family drove past for years when i was younger

its like a fortune cookie i opened 17 years early

or a palm reader that was set like a backdated check to age 27

i wouldnt dare say these words aloud as i fear they would set off a chemical reaction within me or you

or that they would come across like a foreign language straining for meaning

i feel like i have snapped awake out of a coma like in a bad movie

i want to get under your skin and its not just a metaphor mostly

your eyelashes kiss off everything i say except in the way that it only makes me dream

informercial love affair

you hair tipped blonde crashing on black roots

or at least thats the plan

if there ever is one

its like science but one i dont understand

turned in my badge and gun as far as anyone ever understanding me is concerned.

i like standing in the rain.

i like showing up late.

i like going home early.

i like having a short fuse.


i like the madness.

i am in love with it.

the shows have made me realize that there is no other reason for me to be on this planet besides connecting with you.

thank you for that.

you have never let me down.

i am magnetized to everything you do.

and you is you who is reading this.

you are concrete and boomerangs and everything i can count on.

thank you for that.

when my back feels like breaking. or my stomch feels like heav ing or my eyes feel like raining i will think of that.



remember this is real.

even when your head is spinning and your heart is fluttering.

we are on the inside.

the cage spins the bird free.

dont for a second think i have forgotten you or the way you make me smile on gray days or in stormyh weather.


god been thinking. its been awhile since ive done that.

except for “here and there"s

sick of all the speculation.

this means that, that means this.

this is really the only place i can speak to anyone without people in glass towers watching me.


so thank you for that.

id do anything to keep this going forever.

even in my head when i wanted to be blown off this fucking planet i still hoped that little blue record kept spinning in your room.

the reason you havent seen a video of fall out boy on fuse is because of corporate litigation.

the same reasons for half of what makes this all feel like its falling apart.

we only did cribs because we thought it was funny. hopefully you are in on the joke. we rented fake cars, like ferraris and just goofed around the whole time.

didnt even know how to open the doors.

not sure if our sense of humor is gonna come across or whether it will be mtvified.

my best friend is a dog.

sometimes i miss being down all the time like it was a close friend that moved away.

but sometimes the inside of my head and my heart and my stomach all meet up into this wretched combination.

i just want to let myself be happy.


id give anything to not give up on this.


take care. sleep safe. i will write more when it comes to me.